28x08 - Pantsfall

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

-[Averey] Jordan!
-[Jordan] This is the true story…

-I love you, Bird.
-…of seven strangers…

-Let's do it.
-[Joi] …picked to live in a loft.

-Daisy!
-[Jordan] Stop pooping!

-[Averey] …work together…
-[Jordan] Dude!

-[Jessica] …and have their lives taped…
-[Averey] Ooh, ooh!

[Nia] …to find out what happens…

-[Jessica] I'm not talking to you anymore.
-[Marlon] …when people stop being polite…

[Anastasia] Boop! You're done.

[Johnny] …and start getting real.

-No!
-[Jessica] Sexy mama!

-[Averey] The Real World…
-[Johnny] …Portland!

[lively music playing]

[Johnny] All right, let's play dress-up.

[Marlon] Oh, this is the,
like, straight raunchy side.

Johnny, this is for y'all.

-[Jessica] Averey, there's tape.
-[Johnny laughs]

[Marlon] That right there
is for you two, right here.

-Averey, how does this make you feel?
-[Averey] The sex swing?

[Jessica] Averey,
explain some of this stuff to me.

What the heck is that [bleep] thing?

[Averey] They go around your [bleep],
actually.

[Jessica] I very rarely blush,
but, you know,

I'm a little bit bothered by this.

Really, dude? Like, come on, Jessica.
Someone needs to grow up. It's just sex.

[Johnny] So, what's this egg
you were talking about?

[Jessica] Where are they? Kegels.

That's smart. Now,
is this just, like, this single brand

-that does the--
-[clerk] Mm-hmm.

Whoa! Does this make you
last longer in bed?

[Jordan] It does.

So, I can go from a two-pump chump
to a three-pump chump?

-[Jordan] Maybe even a four-pump chump.
-Hey!

Oh, my gosh.

[Johnny] Twenty bucks.
Never mind. [scoffs]

I know I've contributed…
[chuckles] …to Johnny's sexual growth.

He was so against going to the sex store,

and so against bondage.
And now, Johnny loves it.

I'm really proud of Johnny
for coming out of his little shell.

-[Johnny] Did you get anything, Mamba? No?
-[Marlon] No. I'm not having sex.

[Jessica] I don't wanna know
about anyone else's sex life. [chuckles]

You know what I mean?
It's an intimate part of someone's life

that's kinda weird for me to know about,
unless you're, like, my best friend.

I love Jessica. She's just cut from
a completely different cloth than me.

Like, I talk to my mom
about it all the time.

And she'll go, "Ugh, Jessica!"
I'm like, "Mom, whatever. You've had sex."

"You know what it--" you know?

Jessica reminds me
of, like, a little child.

If I'm intimate with somebody
and I make it public,

then it loses some of the intimacy.

[upbeat music playing]

[Anastasia] I think we should
grease ourselves up in olive oil

-and slide across the floor tonight.
-[chuckles]

-Are you down?
-[Jessica laughing]

I really think we should do that.

I'm being hyper and goofy,

and so I just want to do
something fun and hilarious.

There you go. Now you got some pad.

And you might need
a little water for that.

[Jessica] Ana's absolutely hilarious.

I don't even know
where these thoughts come from,

but it is awesome.

[Marlon] The oil is not gonna do
anything for you.

[Anastasia] We're gonna have to--
This oil smells really bad.

It smells like olives.

Yeah. You all oiled up.

-Go, go, go, go.
-[Jessica] Go, Bird, go.

[laughs, screams]

[screams, laughs]

Surprisingly, Jessica's actually
being really, really cool.

I wish Jessica could be like this
all the time.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music playing]

-There you go, handsome.
-Thanks.

I want to be my own boss.
I hate working for people.

You gotta have money to live.

At the same time, you don't wanna
just be doing something just to do it.

-You know what I'm saying?
-Yeah.

You wanna do something
that you wanna do.

Makes you happy.
I wanna wake up every day, and obviously,

I'm gonna try to finish the book,
and then I want to--

[Brett] How's it going, guys?

-We're almost done.
-That's all right. [laughs]

-Oh, okay.
-That's all right.

["Die Finks" playing]

♪ Die finks ♪

♪ Well, whose Kool-Aid are you drinking? ♪

[Nia] But I can write anywhere.

I can go to Paris for six months
and write a book.

-[Marlon] Yeah.
-[Nia] Or go to Jamaica

and chill on a beach and write a book.

I realize that I don't want to be here,

and I'm not quite motivated
to sweat my a*s off here.

♪ Whose high treason
Are you trying to please ♪

♪ I ain't pledging no allegiance
To any y'all's steez ♪

♪ I ain't no moper ♪

If I want a job anywhere,
I can get it like this,

because I can't be 25, talking about…
trying to be a c*ck waitress.

[Marlon] Nia doesn't like working,
and I don't understand it.

It's not a hard job. Like, just do it.

[indistinct chatter]

I'm just gonna go ahead
and send you guys home.

-For real?
-[Brett] Well, I mean,

this is a really long break. [chuckles]

There's stuff to do,
but if you're not gonna do it,

then you can call it a night.

["Grudge" playing]

I will.

Was that really that long?

She should have just said,
"Hey," you know?

And there's not [bleep] to do in here.
She is such a b*tch.

What is there to do? I'm confused.
I thought there was so much to do in here.

♪ I ain't here to make friends
I'm here to make bucks ♪

♪ Earn my respect
Give the people what they want ♪

That'll work.

[mellow music playing]

We're gonna do a sex tutorial.

I talk about the importance of Kegels.

For anyone
who doesn't know what a Kegel is,

a Kegel is basically

an exercise in which a woman
contracts her vaginal walls.

These, however, kind of up the ante.

They're weighted, glass crystal ba*ls.

Basically, they have weight to them.
So they can slip out.

They won't get caught.
Jessica keeps thinking

that once you put them in,
they're gone forever.

No. They come out.

I'm going to excuse myself

and start my first trial
of the Kegel-majiggers.

Hmm.

Ow!

Ow! [whimpering]

["Beer Run" playing]

[Johnny] Let's roll.

[Jessica] We're going to motocross today,
and I'm pretty excited.

I love watching it.
I love riding dirt bikes.

Even when you walk onto the track
and just go… [sniffs, exhales]

…you smell the dirt,
the gas, everything.

[announcer over PA]
The third annual MX Race for the Cure.

All the money donated will go
to help find a cure for breast cancer.

♪ I'm in love with the sound
I'm in love with the sound ♪

♪ With the sounds of this average life ♪

♪ I'm in love with the sound
I'm in love with the sound ♪

♪ With the sights and the action
Just no way out ♪

[Jessica] If you look at the guys,
you'll see that they're wearing boots

and knee braces
and chest protectors and neck protectors.

When my dad made me wear
a neck brace and all that crap,

I was like, "Ew! Why do I got to do this?"

When you take your first fall,
you understand why.

[Anastasia]
Jessica has to dominate everything.

Honestly, she walks around
like the world is her stage,

and everybody else is merely an audience.

[announcer speaking indistinctly over PA]

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] Do you have any tank tops?

Here, take one of these. I have scissors
if you wanna get one of these and cut it.

[Jessica] Okay. This is really awesome.

I was in a sorority in college,

and that was our platform,
was breast cancer awareness.

I just wanna know where
Jessica gets all this money. [chuckles]

Maybe I should do a large.

I'm like, "Where are you
getting this money from?"

[Averey] It must be nice to have parents.

Must be nice to suck the teat.

[Jessica] I do. It's cute.

[Brian] Have you ever been
to a motorcycle race before?

-I ride.
-[Brian] Oh, you do?

-I'll give you my information.
-Okay. Do that.

And that way I can--
If you ever come out,

-we can introduce you up at the national.
-[Jessica] Sweet.

Yippee! The Jessica Show
has already started.

-It's a Jessica sandwich.
-[Averey] Oh, my God! I have a great idea.

Check this out.

[upbeat music playing]

[screams] Averey and Bird!

[Jessica] Ana's being really
buddy-buddy with Averey.

Just connected at the hip.

I've always wanted
to be a part of a girl group

and have a little girl clique,
but for whatever reason,

girls clique up around me,
but never with me.

I'm just gonna take this "E."

[Anastasia] I'm frustrated with Jessica.

Sometimes I feel like
I cannot escape her here.

There is this difference
in the air when Jessica's around.

["Older Together" playing]

[Anastasia] Oh, my God!
Can I please have one?

All right, I got you. I got you.

♪ This time ♪

You look so [bleep] cute!

I look definitely Asian.
I wish we had some pink eyeliner.

-Listen, I make music.
-Darling...

Not whatever it is you speak of.

Hold on, I need to get this pink lip--
Is this pink?

Averey and Ana are avoiding me,
and I have no idea why.

-[Averey] What's your name?
-Lady Wawa.

-[both laugh]
-What's your name?

-I am Lady Chacha.
-[both laugh]

-Lady Chacha.
-[Averey laughing]

-[Averey] Lady Wawa. [laughs]
-Lady Wawa. [laughs]

[mellow music playing]

[line ringing]

-[employee] Schmizza Pub & Grub?
-Hi, could I please speak to Brett?

[employee] Brett's not in right now.
Can I take a message?

Oh, okay, no.
Actually, um, can I-- This is Nia.

-[employee] Okay.
-I wanted to see

what the schedule was,
if I'm on the schedule today.

[employee] Let's see…

I don't see your name
on the schedule… at all.

So, I'm not sure if she--
I don't know if she has you, like--

wants you to come in or not

and just didn't have you
written on the schedule.

-Um…
-[chuckles]

[employee] But I can tell her to call you,

or if you wanna try to call back,
she'll probably be here closer to 4:00.

Okay, coo-- No, that's cool.

-[employee] All right.
-All right.

-[employee] Bye.
-Bye.

What a b*tch.

Okay.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] It's really disheartening,
you and Averey last night,

and doing the whole pink wig thing.
Like, I felt excluded from the girl group.

Last night was a big thing for me,

because Averey and I were
really close at the beginning,

and we literally
have not had a night like last night…

-[Jessica] Yeah.
-…since I first got here.

And for her to break off from Johnny

and wanna hang out with me,
for me, that was really special to me.

And I think that if we have opportunities
to be… to get to know one-on-one,

-I think that's a good thing. I mean--
-[Jessica] It's a good thing,

but when you're in a group setting,

I think everyone needs
to work on being friends

with everybody at--
Like, enjoying each other as a group.

[Anastasia]
Maybe Jessica's a little bit jealous

of my connection with Averey.

b*tch, just shut up. Just shut up.

Honestly, I'm all talked out
about it, though.

I just don't want
to talk anymore about it.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] Hey, let's go!

[Nia] Let's go.

-[Marlon] Where are you going?
-[Jessica] Get our nails done.

I'm so excited
because I'm not on the work schedule.

So everyone else is all miserable,
and meanwhile, me and Princess Jessica

are gonna go get our nails done.

[Averey] Have fun.

Or not. [laughs]

[Nia] I probably did have to work,
I just… [blows a raspberry]

I mean, the girl told me-- she said
I wasn't on the schedule all week.

And I'm assuming it was an accident.

If I would have called,
Brett would have been like,

"Oh, come in and work today."

[Jessica] Are you the only one
that's not working?

[Nia] That's what the girl told me.
She said, "You're not on the schedule."

Okay, well, that's what I'm going by.

[indistinct chatter]

["Whatever I Want" playing]

-[Brett] Is Nia here?
-[Marlon] No.

[Brett] She's not coming?

[Johnny] She said you told her
she wasn't on the schedule.

-[Brett]
-[Johnny] She lied about it.

-Is that what she said?
-[Johnny] Yeah.

I never told her that.
Why would I tell her that and nobody else?

[Johnny] I don't know. That's what I said.

♪ All I want in life is whatever I want ♪

♪ I really, really want whatever I want ♪

♪ The sky's the limit
If you give me my way, boy ♪

♪ I really, really want whatever I want ♪

♪ The sky's the limit
If you want it yeah, yeah ♪

[whistles]

-[Jessica] Bye. Thank you so much.
-[Nia] Thank you.

I needed this so bad.

They're gonna be
at the Schmizza all night.

That b*tch better not try to fire me.
I know that much.

[scoffs]

It was her fault.

[mellow music playing]

So wait, are you
still gonna split our shifts up?

[Brett] I'm gonna try.
It's-- Well, now that--

Without Nia, it'll be easier
for me to figure things out.

[Jordan laughing]

-I seriously thought she called.
-I consider it that she just quit now.

I mean, that's just really…

If you don't come to your shift,
then I'm assuming that's just you quit.

In Brett's mind,
Brett is assuming that Nia quit.

In Nia's mind, she's assuming

that she can do
whatever the hell she wants.

So, for me, in the middle,

you're fired! Brett fired you!

It's no bueno.

["Black Creme" playing]

♪ The smile, the wave ♪

♪ The dirt above the grave
This is bigger than you ♪

♪ This is better ♪

♪ It was a harmless desire
Arousing the fire ♪

♪ This is bigger than you
This is better ♪

[Jordan] Nia got canned last night.

-[Anastasia] Canned?
-Fired.

-[Averey] Did she?
-Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Oh, she was saying that she didn't know
if she was supposed to go in or not.

She didn't go-- She was supposed to?

Obviously, if we're all going in,
why would she be the only one that didn't?

[Averey] I don't think she cares.
That sucks, though. [chuckling]

-[Nia]
-[Anastasia] Yeah.

[Nia]

I just tried to get that Kegel ball out.

It's, like, really up there.

-[Anastasia] It has to come out, like--
-I know.

I like-- I forgot to do it
last night or even try.

And now I'm, like--
I just went in there this morning.

I'm like, "Oh, [bleep]."

[whimsical music playing]

-[grunts]
-[Nia]

Yeah. Kegel egg?
Death by Kegel egg? [chuckles]

-[Nia laughing]
-Stop.

Dude, Jordan told me you got canned.

-No, I didn't.
-Jordan said you're fired.

If I am fired, I don't give a [bleep].
It's just the principle.

Like, I wasn't on the schedule.
I was told I wasn't on the schedule.

And I didn't go to work,
and because of that reason.

And if you fire me,
don't relay the message, b*tch.

Call me and tell me.

[Anastasia] Oh, I thought you got it out.
I was like, "Yeah!"

[chuckles]

[Anastasia] I thought
you were gonna say, "complete." But--

-[Nia]
-I guess not.

[Brian over phone]
We got some bikes for you…

-Sweet.
-…and some gear and everything for you.

So, I'd love to have you
come out tomorrow

and try and do some riding out there.

[Jessica] Awesome.
I'm so excited. [chuckling]

-[Brian] See you tomorrow.
-All right, thanks.

-Bye.
-[Brian] Bye-bye.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] Motocross tomorrow.

Motocross tomorrow.
Did you hear that, Jordan?

[Jordan] No.

[Jessica] Dirt bikes, tomorrow,
eleven o'clock.

[Jordan yelling] What?

-[laughs]
-[Jordan] For real?

Riding dirt bikes
is one of my favorite hobbies.

I got my first dirt bike when I was 14,
and fell in love with it ever since.

They'll just have bikes and gear?

-[Jessica] Bikes, gear, boots.
-How many bikes?

[Jessica] Didn't say.

-[Jordan] Good work. Good work, kid.
-Sweet. Jordan…

[Jordan] Hey, you take
the day to yourself.

-You did good. You do that.
-[Jessica laughs]

[mellow music playing]

I'm looking this [bleep] up,
and apparently,

this has not been
an asked question on Google before.

[Anastasia] Shut up, it had
to have happened to somebody.

[Nia] Oh, "It got stuck… in my vag*na.
I cannot get it out."

"It's been here for two days." No!

"Try different positions,
try straining, coughing." [coughs]

[Anastasia] Your little baby hatchling
up inside of you.

[Nia] Shut up.

-Your little hatchling.
-"As for the egg, does not have…"

[Anastasia] I want you to freak out
if you have to go in the ER too.

-[screaming]
-All right, oh, my God. Shut up. Shut up.

When you're shoving
a glass egg up your hoohah,

sometimes things can go awry.

Gross. [chuckles] It's just gross.

Did you try to laugh, sneeze, or cough?

[Nia] Yeah, I'm gonna do
laugh, sneeze, cough.

It says squat, push out. Together now.

[both laugh forcedly]

-[coughs]
-[Anastasia] Sneeze.

[coughs]

[sneezing]

-Squat and push out.
-[grunts]

Squat like-- Yeah, like a squat.

-Can you feel it?
-[Nia] Damn it.

I can't believe you have a little--
When are you due?

[Nia] Today.

[Anastasia] I just want to hear it
hit the ground, like, boonk!

[laughs] 'Cause it's so funny to me.
It's like you're hatching an egg.

Little Eggbert. [chuckles] Michael Eggson.

-[Nia] Kim Kareggshian.
-[chuckles]

[Anastasia] This whole thing
is making me ill thinking about it.

[Nia coughing]

["Come Alive" playing]

[Marlon] We're here.
We about to get on these bikes

and we about to rip it up.

We're going to Motocross today
and I'm pretty excited.

-[Brian] How are you?
-How are you? Good.

-[Brian chuckles] All ready?
-Yeah. I'm excited.

♪ I can’t wait till I can get back ♪

♪ To the place
Where every day isn’t wasted ♪

♪ All my life, I've been looking
For a chance to come alive ♪

How many people are experienced
and have ridden before?

So, you.

-I'll put my hand way…
-I know.

-[Brian] Way down?
-I'll go way down.

We'll get you all geared up
and ready to go.

Let's do it.

I'm ready to get out there
and rip it up. I'm excited.

I've never done it before.

That's the number one rule,
just look good.

[Jessica] Marlon, you look good.

Just rev it up and make it happen.

[Jessica] Come on, Jordan.

[upbeat music playing]

Oh, my God, Jordan,
you little showoff!

I'd say if Jordan can do it, we can do it,

-but that's not true.
-If Jess can do it, we can do it.

-If Jess can do it, we can do it.
-All right.

[biker] Okay, it's gonna be really slow.

-[Jessica] Oh, that's fine.
-[biker] Okay.

[Jessica] It's been a while
since I've ridden, so slow is good.

[upbeat music playing]

[biker] Let's get one
of you guys on a bike.

-We want to ride together.
-We kinda wanna learn this as a pair.

-[Anastasia] Yeah…
-[biker] Okay, so…

[Averey]
'Cause there's strength in numbers.

[biker] One of you ride this bike,
and one of you can ride my bike.

-[laughs]
-[Averey] Marlon just ate it.

-Oh, no. We're gonna eat it.
-[Johnny laughs]

[Anastasia] We're gonna eat it!

Okay, group prayer.

Dear motocross gods from above,
please don't let us break any bones.

[Averey] Please let us do very, very good.

I need my face and my arms and my legs.

Let us gracefully step on-eth
and off-eth these bikes.

In motocross's name we pray. Vroom.

[Jessica] I'm not jealous
of the friendship

that Averey and Ana have.

I'm just a little bit annoyed
that they can't realize

that there's other people
at the track than just them.

And maybe I would like
to participate in conversations too.

-["Train Wreck" playing]
-[sighs]

[Marlon] Yeah!

♪ Everybody loves a train wreck mama
Train wreck mama ♪

[Anastasia chuckles]

♪ I said everybody loves
A train wreck, don't ya ♪

[Averey] Whoo! Yeah, man!

[Anastasia] I don't know where to go!

[Averey] How do I turn?

-[Anastasia] Holy…
-[Johnny] Oh, Bird's down!

Bird's down!

[Anastasia chuckling]
Just let me lay for a second.

I was doing so good. [chuckling]

I think I'm done, though. [chuckling]

[group screaming cheerfully]

♪ Everybody loves a train wreck mama
Train wreck mama ♪

♪ I said everybody loves a train wreck,
Don't ya ♪

♪ Train wreck mama ♪

[Nia] Averey, I have a serious problem.

That egg is completely
all the way up in my stomach,

and it will not come out,
and I've tried everything.

Oh, my God, shut up.

What the hell do I need to do?

[Averey] This is what you do,
act like you're going poop…

-[Nia] Yeah.
-…and use those muscles,

while you're using those muscles…

'cause it'll push it down.

[Nia] Meanwhile, Anastasia
has been ragging on me,

making up egg baby names
like "Eggbert" and bull-[bleep].

I'm like, "[bleep] you."

[Averey and Marlon] Eggbert.

This thing is not moving,
and it scares me,

'cause now I'm like,
am I gonna be one of those

embarrassing stories that people laugh at
at the doctor's office

when I have to go have it removed from me?

It's time for the Kegel ball to come out.

[urine trickling]

[Kegel ball clattering]

[Nia] Oh, my God!

My egg came out.

-[Averey] I heard it clink.
-[Nia] Oh, my God.

[Averey]

[Nia] Ana missed it.

Where's Ana?

Good word travels fast,
and I hear that I have a son now.

[Nia] Yes, you do, Ophelia.

-[Anastasia] Oh!
-[Nia] Eggward. Meet Eggward.

Oh, my goodness.

-I shall not touch him.
-He's clean.

He has the vag*na mucus on him.

-[all laugh]
-"vag*na mucus."

-[disembodied baby crying]
-[Anastasia] Oh, Eggbert.

[train rumbling]

[Anastasia] Oh, you guys.

-[Johnny] What?
-[chuckles] Sorry.

Hurry up.

I just want it to be
an Averey-Anastasia one.

It is.

[upbeat music playing]

[Averey]

I have been avoiding Jessica lately.

When Jessica comes along with me
when I'm with other people in the house,

I have a block with getting to know
the other individuals in the house.

It's just so much easier
when Jessica isn't a part of it.

[Jessica] What time are y'all leaving?

-[Averey] Now.
-[Jessica] Oh. [scoffs]

Thanks for letting me know.

Being left out kinda makes me feel
like I was in middle school

when the girls were like,
"Oh, you can't sit with us."

it was just like, "Why? What did I do?"

"Why am I not good enough
to be included in your little group?"

-[Anastasia] Just run.
-[Averey] Run.

It's not anything bad about Jessica.

It's just Anastasia and I
wanna do our own thing together.

[chuckles]

No, I'm just annoyed.

Like, I feel like
they don't want me to go.

-Honey, we can kick it.
-Did you wanna go get lunch?

Yes, I was waiting for your a*s to get up.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] You can't continue
to put into a relationship

more than the other person.

-You'll feel empty about it.
-[Nia] Yeah.

You can't do that.

-[Nia] You want to eat outside or inside?
-[Jessica] Can we sit inside?

-[Nia] Hello.
-Two. Oh, okay.

Oh, wow. They're here.

-You just had the box and then the…
-Yeah.

Oh, [bleep],
I didn't even know they were here.

-So, I'm just gonna get like…
-See? I was like…

[Averey] Which is fine.

[tense music playing]

[Averey] Hello, awkward people.
[chuckling]

Jess goes and just looks
at Ana and is, like, accusing us,

like, "You guys snuck off
and had a mini date without us."

It is kind of awkward
because they sit right next to us too.

What are you guys ordering?

I always get the same thing.
I get the…

-The freaking tuna--
-[Jessica] The ahi tuna,

the California roll, and the summer lady.

It was 28 dollars.

All right, enjoy your lunch, ladies.
Bye, guys.

Oh, my God! Hilarious.

-So, which way do we go now?
-[Averey] This way.

[Jessica] I kind of felt
excluded by Ana and Averey.

-[Nia] They didn't even say, "Hey."
-Yeah.

-[Nia] "How's it going?"
-No. It just felt awkward.

[Nia] It's fake. Like…

But Ana's been like that to me today,
for whatever reason.

But I feel like
when she hangs out with Averey,

she does get shady like that.

[Nia] Yeah, 'cause
Averey does that, like--

She feels like
she has to forsake her friends.

[Nia] How I feel about Averey,
she's just lame to me.

[Jessica] People are so closed-minded.

They just wanna be like,
"Me and you and that's it."

-[Nia] Yeah, cliquey.
-And that leaves

everyone feeling left out.

[Jordan] Hey, we ready to go?

[Averey] Okay.

[Marlon] Wait. Where's Nia at?

-She going?
-[Averey] She got fired.

[Marlon chuckling] Wait, is that official?

[Averey] That's official.

[Johnny] Is she coming?

[Jordan] I don't give a [bleep].
I'm going.

-I'm not gonna be late.
-[Averey] I thought she got fired.

I thought you got fired.

What is the word? I just-- I don't know.

The whole point of me even going
to Schmizza is to test my talents out

to see if I can manipulate Brett
into allowing me to stay there.

[dramatic music playing]

-[Brett] Hi.
-[Nia] Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

-Outside, whenever you're free?
-Yeah.

[Nia] And if I don't,

I'm gonna, you know, go out with a bang.

-[Brett] So, what happened?
-[Nia] Okay.

So I called here Monday and Tuesday.

And I asked if I was on the schedule,
and they said no.

I was under the impression
that we were splitting up.

Like, half of us were gonna work one half,

and that's why I wasn't on
for Tuesday and Wednesday.

[Brett] You didn't notice
that all four of them were coming to work?

No.

[Brett] It's just,
you guys have my phone number.

-[Nia] Mm-hmm.
-So, I'm sorry.

[tense music playing]

I can't rely on you.
It's just been too many times.

-[Nia] I wasn't on the schedule, though.
-You were on the schedule.

Everyone has been on the schedule.

-Sorry, Nia.
-I don't know.

I mean, I know you-- I know
you kinda want this moment,

and I'm happy to give it to you,
'cause I don't need to work,

but you are who you are.

I understand this is probably where
you may be for the rest of your life,

and I get it. But I just think it's lame

that you wouldn't tell me or call me.

I honestly thought that you quit.
I didn't even expect you to show up today.

You can cut me down all you want--

-I'm not cutting you down.
-Yeah.

[Nia] I'm telling the truth, though.

Regardless, like, your decision is made.

Thank you for the opportunity
to work at Schmizza.

It was fabulous. I mean,
the best job I've ever had in my life, so…

Do you mind if I use the bathroom?

-[Brett] Well, that was fun.
-Yeah.

[Johnny laughs]

[Averey] I love you, my dolls.

What's the word?
What's the word over there, Nia?

[Nia] She got her moment, I guess.

-You're fired?
-[Nia] I'm so sad. I'm about to cry.

I should so grab a slice of pizza
and just eat it on the way out.

-Don't. Don't. Do--
-[Johnny] No!

-Nia, why you looking outside?
-You guys just look out--

Look the other way.

[Johnny] No, I won't let you do that
'cause that screws us up back there.

And I know how that is, missing food.

-I won't let you do it.
-[Nia] Anyhoo, you guys be good.

Bye, darling. Have a good life
here at Schmizza. Thank you.

[chuckling]

[tense music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

She goes, "I'm not putting you down."

She was like,
"I'm just telling you the truth."

"And it is what it is." [laughs]

Oh, my God.
I cannot believe she said that.

Oh! That makes me so mad!

[Jessica] You didn't go to work?

[Nia] I just got promoted,
and they let me go for the day.

-[Jessica] You mean they fired you.
-[Nia] No, I got promoted.

I got employee of the month.

It should not come as any surprise
that Nia has been, I guess, fired.

By the way, cheers.
Rest in peace, Nia at Schmizza.

I'm so, you know,
devastated that I got fired.

But anyhoo, cheers to the job.

Johnny, do you want to know
what Nia said to Brett?

-Did she tell you?
-No.

She was like, "You know what, honey,
I'm giving you your five minutes of fame,

'cause this is all
you're gonna amount to."

And Brett looked at her and was like,
"Why are you disrespecting me?"

And she goes, "I'm not disrespecting you.
I'm just telling you the truth,

because you're never gonna
do anything with your life."

How dare you do that to Brett?

She opened her doors
to you, and you just…

You did that to be a b*tch.

Did you hear what Nia said?

-[Marlon] What'd she say?
-[Jordan] To Brett?

-[Marlon] No.
-[Jordan] She told Brett-- She goes,

"Glad I could give you your
15 minutes of fame, blah, blah."

"You'll never amount to anything."

Oh, my gosh, bro.

That's just not cool.

[Jordan] That right there shows you
what type of person she is.

-I know, right?
-Yeah, [bleep].

That's all
I've been thinking about over here.

-Just be grateful you have a [bleep] job.
-You-- She [bleep] it up.

Brett had nothing to do
with her [bleep] it up.

[Johnny] I can't wait to see her

'cause she's gonna be like,
"How was work?" I'm gonna be like…

When I hear Nia degraded Brett
on Brett's day-to-day job

that Brett works her a*s off…

No. That's bull-[bleep].
You don't go in on someone's life

because they're making a living working
and you're out there gold digging.

I'm just sick of Nia thinking she's higher
than everyone and she's perfect.

So I'm gonna go home
and confront Nia about this.

Crazy night.

Crazy night. Yep.

You were rude to Brett.

[Nia] No, I wasn't.
I said what I needed to say.

I wasn't being mean. That's the truth.

[Averey] I think it was a little rude,
though.

You should at least be grateful
that she was giving you the opportunity…

-[Nia] No, I'm not--
-…to make some extra cash.

-She didn't have to--
-[Nia] What? I didn't need that. Like, no…

[Averey] You didn't have to come to work.
You didn't have to even apply.

She was wrong.
She lied. She got caught in a lie.

You guys didn't see
the whole conversation.

-I really…
-[Johnny] Why is she wrong, though?

'Cause she wants to fire you
because you haven't showed up to work?

No, Johnny. I didn't really care.
I didn't want to be on the schedule.

But I just thought it was funny
how I'm the only one--

So, if you didn't care about the schedule,
why did you show up tonight?

-To embarrass her?
-Yes, and I did.

-And I did.
-[Johnny] Thank you.

You just proved my point.

You need the job, I don't.
That's the catch.

-[Johnny] I do need the job…
-Exactly, so--

…'cause I have bills to pay.
I'm a cook 55 hours a week.

-Making my living.
-You're mad. You're mad.

I'm mad 'cause I'm not amounting to
what you're amounting to.

[Nia] It is what it is.

-I know, I can't wait.
-[Nia] Still making money.

Still doing what I'm doing.
You're going back to whatever.

[Johnny] I wish I could bring out
my spatula

and my friggin' 341-dollar check
right now, 'cause I would.

I'd place it on the table,
let you know, that's me.

What else? What else
you wanna talk about, Nia?

-[Nia] So--
-So, basically,

basically, you don't give
a [bleep] about my life.

-I don't give a [bleep] about your life.
-[Nia] Boom.

Oh, my God.

[pensive music playing]

[clicks tongue]

On the Nia topic, it is just becoming
more and more clear

to everyone in the house
that her true colors

are really shining through.

All the pokes she took at Johnny.

You know, there's nothing good
that can come away

from… um, hanging around with Nia.

[scoffs] Okay.

[Marlon] Johnny's ready.
Jordan's getting ready right now.

You and Averey are staying here.
Jessica's ready.

[Jessica] What time do you--
Are you going to Splash?

[Anastasia] Um…

'Cause I might stay back
with you guys and just go with y'all

because I'm not even ready yet.

-Is Jordan ready?
-[Anastasia] When do you wanna go?

It doesn't matter.

[Anastasia] I don't care.

Wanna do confession together?

[Averey] I told you
that was gonna happen, didn't I?

-[Anastasia] What?
-I was like, "She's gonna come."

[Jessica sighing]

-Can I ask you guys a question?
-Yes.

I was feeling a little awkwardness
when I said I was staying back.

And I noticed that you guys
kinda branched off a little.

[Averey] Well, we kinda wanted
to have, like, me and Bird time.

Bird and I really never get
to have girl time together.

I mean, that would be nice
other than the little "hee-hee" looks.

Like that-- I mean,
I know I haven't said anything,

I haven't called anybody out about it,
but it's bull-[bleep] to me,

and it's really starting to get to me.

Jessica's mad at me
because I want time with Bird,

and Jessica can't accept that.

For Jessica not to believe me
and think that there's something deeper

when I'm-- there's not,
it just baffles my mind.

I guess I can't dig this hole anymore.
If you guys have something to say,

you'll say it to me.

No, dude. I really just wanna
spend some [bleep] time with Bird,

'cause I feel like I never get to.
-[Jessica] Okay.

[tense music playing]

I know what's going on, you [bleep] idiot.

I'm not stupid and I'm sick of it.
It's bull-[bleep]!

You were excluding me,
and that's what it was.

If you don't like me,
[bleep], say something.

'cause we don't have to get along,

but I will be damned
if someone's gonna say [bleep]

behind my back… and treat me like that.

[bleep] no.

["Who Do You" playing]

♪ With these friends it's storming
All around me ♪

♪ It's such a dark place ♪

♪ Around me… ♪

[Jessica]

[Nia]

That's all that is.

-It's not okay.
-That's why I don't like her.

I've realized that there's an alliance
that does not like Jessica.

It hurts me because she's hurt,
and I like her.

I don't know, I just take it on.
I make her battle my own.

-No, honey, I can handle my own--
-[Nia]

If she starts crying
and faking and doing [bleep]--

At the end of the day,
I am who I am, whether you like it or not.

-Flick it straight. Heads.
-Turn it.

[Averey] All right,
I'm going to the bathroom. Bye, guys.

[electronic dance music playing]

[Nia] Ooh, I can't wait
to eat a burrito, man.

[Jessica]

[Averey] You know I'm in the bathroom,
right, Jessica?

Going pee at Splash Bar.

Nia and Jessica come into the bathroom,
and Jessica starts ranting.

[Jessica] Averey. If you're listening…

-[Averey] If you're gonna talk [bleep]…
-…what's the deal?

I told you.
The truth wasn't good enough, Jessica.

-[Nia] Okay.
-[Averey] Please open the door.

-[Jessica] Listen to me.
-I'm trying to help--

Nia, I don't want your help.

-[Jessica] Averey.
-[Nia] No, you need my help.

Please, open the door.
I don't want your [bleep] help.

-Averey, I'm trying to be honest with you.
-[Nia] You need it.

I'm mad because I felt
left out by you guys. I felt hurt.

I told you why
and the truth wasn't good enough.

[Jessica] It doesn't change
the fact that I felt hurt

and you didn't even give a [bleep].

I don't give a [bleep]
about anyone in this house,

except for Johnny and Ana
and Jordan and Marlon.

So, why should I give a [bleep] about you

-if you don't give a [bleep] about me?
-Don't!

If Nia continues to block the door…

Please, move the door.

…I'm gonna punch her.

["Messin' With My Mind" playing]

[Averey] No, I don't, Nia.

I just don't like you, [bleep].
You're fake as [bleep].

[Nia] Here's the door.

-Fake b*tch.
-No, stop!

♪ Messing with my mind
You keep messing with my mind now ♪

♪ Messing, messing with my mind
Messing with my mind ♪

[Johnny] What happened?

I was going pee,
and Jess started talking [bleep].

And I said,
"Jessica, I'm in the [bleep] stall,

so don't talk [bleep]."

I come out, Nia blocks the door.

And I said,
"Nia, let me out of this bathroom."

"And move the [bleep] door now."

So I got attacked.

And now she's laughing.

And I want to punch
that b*tch in the face.

-Can I say something?
-Yes.

-To them?
-Go ahead.

-[Jessica] You ready to go home?
-[Nia] Yes.

-[Johnny] Hey, Jess and Nia!
-[Jessica] What?

[Johnny] What the [bleep]? Why'd you lock
my girlfriend in the bathroom?

-[Jessica] You know what? Listen--
-[Johnny] Why?

No. I'm not gonna listen to you,
you fat little [bleep].

[Jessica] Johnny, go [bleep] yourself.

You're not gonna lock Averey
in the bathroom

and hold her in there
to attack her. You're not.

I locked her in a bathroom
with no lock, dude? Boop!

[Johnny] Keep [bleep] for money, Nia.
And keep getting fat, Jess!

[Jessica] You know what?

Go take your little [bleep]
and shove it up your girlfriend's [bleep].

[Johnny] Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

[Nia]

[Johnny laughing] No, you did not.

[Johnny] Good argument, girls.

-[Nia] You're so mad.
-Anyway, [bleep].

-So mad.
-[bleep] for 100 bucks a week.

-[Nia] Not yours.
-I don't want you [bleep] mine.

Making, what, 11 dollars an hour
here and back home?

-[Johnny] That's fine.
-Boop! You're done. Boop.

-Bang.
-[Nia] Bye!

-Go find the fat [bleep].
-[Nia] Bye, girl. Bye, girl.

[Johnny] Go find the little,
short, fat [bleep].

Five-four, born like that.

-[Nia] No matter what she--
-I'm all kinds of pissed right now.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[Averey] Where is my Johnny?

[Marlon] Oh, there's Johnny right there.

[Anastasia] Johnny!

-What the [bleep] are you doing?
-[Marlon] Walking down the street.

[Johnny] I wanna go back to the house
and keep arguing.

I wanna keep destroying these girls.

I wanna let them know
how disgusting they are.

-[Averey] Johnny, please come here.
-[Marlon] He's walking down the street.

This is gonna be a disaster.

[intense music playing]

[Johnny]

-[Jessica] Go [bleep] yourself.
-[Johnny] That's hilarious.

[Jessica] You insecure,
small [bleep] mother-[bleep].

[Johnny] And you're fat.
We both have our malfunctions.

You're fat. I got a small [bleep].
Where's Nia? Where's your strength?

-You're only tough when Nia's around.
-[sobs]

[Johnny] Nia!

I'll make your world a living hell, girl.

Johnny, [bleep] yourself,
you insecure, ugly mother-[bleep].

[laughs]

-[Johnny] Come talk to me.
-[Jessica] Why should I?

-You're an ignorant--
-[Johnny] So I can pull my pants down

and you can see my small [bleep].

[Jessica] You're an ignorant piece
of [bleep] and you won't listen.

-[Johnny] Fat. Fake.
-Johnny's calling me fat and ugly.

I'm like-- I can't handle that.
Like, I cannot handle this anymore.

-[Nia] Were you looking for me?
-[Johnny] Oh, hold on.

[Nia] Please don't do it
to yourself, dude.

-Oh, [bleep].
-[Nia] Oh, no! [laughing]

So, we can argue. So, we can argue.

She's attacking LJ,
so LJ's gonna come join the fight.

Here's LJ out to play,
aka "Little Johnny," my manhood.

Nia, you want to talk about him?
Let's talk about him.

He's here to argue for himself.

-You're crazy. That's so sad.
-Small [bleep]?

-What else do you have on me?
-[Nia] That's so sad.

[Johnny] Let me give him a little length.

-Your daddy is on crack, dude.
-So, he can argue for a minute.

I mean, now you got nothing on me.

[bleep].

Your daddy thinks that he's [bleep] me up.

-[Johnny] I'm [bleep] you up.
-I already won.

-[chuckling]
-Sad, right? You're sad.

-Sucks, right?
-Boop! [scoffs] For who? You?

-[Johnny] For me. Yeah.
-I know. Life sucks.

-It [bleep] sucks.
-Flipping that pan, boy.

-Just flipping that pan.
-All my life.

This is gonna be interesting.

[Nia] Wait, why
did you put your pants on?

Because I need to, you know, relax
before I disgrace myself anymore.

[Nia] Did you get warm? You get warm?

Little [bleep].
That's what we're gonna call you.

Little [bleep]. Aw.

[Johnny] What else you got, Nia?
I thought we were talking all night.

Nia, I thought we were talking all night.

She's one of those.

What are words
from an insecure group of nobodies

who, like, don't even matter?

Like, Averey, Johnny,
and Jordan are peons to me.

I mean, I'm winning… but I'm still bored.

[Averey] Oh, baby,
please don't let her get to you.

That's what she wants.

I have to tell you something.

I argued with my pants down.

It's okay.

'Cause that's all she had on me
in the street…

-I know.
-…talking about my little [bleep].

So I came in the house
and pulled my pants down to argue.

I don't care, Johnny.

I don't care what Nia has to say about me.
She's a nobody.

She's a nobody, just like the rest of us.

["Back To Life" playing]
♪ 'Cause if the party is dead ♪

[Averey] I know who I am.

♪ We can bring it back to life ♪

And you should know who you are.

♪ Yeah, we can make it through the night ♪

♪ If you listen to the words that I say ♪

-I'm a cook.
-And I'm a bartender.

♪ All we need is candlelight ♪

So what?

♪ Everybody will get out of our way ♪

[Averey] Don't ever stoop to their level.

You're better than that.

-Good night, Nia.
-[Nia] Good night.

Johnny and I aren't even
gonna be cordial to each other.

If he tries to speak to me,
I'm just gonna cut him off,

because I have no use
for him at this point.

-I love you.
-I love you.

That's all that really matters
in the end, right?

I love your p*nis.

[Marlon] And you know…

-Wanna cash out? Cool.
-[Brett laughs]

I'll be back with your change.

[Brett laughs]

I had a moment. Deal with it.

You're having a moment, okay?
You're having a long moment.

Oh, it gets me every time.

[Marlon] Cool.

[customer] You have a sign on your back.

-What's on my back?
-[Brett] A handprint.

Oh. Was that you?

-Thank you.
-[laughs]

[narrator] There is more
of The Real World on the way

and it starts right now.