04x21 - Monkey on a String

[bunniefuu]

Let's go, Stavros.

Come on!

I'm thick.

Mmh!

I'm gonna eat myself in the morning.

No.

Pass the rope, please.

Line forms are right, ma'am.

You, Frank.

Call.

Call?
I raise.

Don't spook me this time.

Theo, it's Monica again.

What do I tell her?

Tell her we're playing the last part.

I'll call.

Call.

Queen's up.

Except, Ben, no help.

What's that?

It's a message for you from Monica.

Yeah.

The rich get richer.

Three jacks.

What can I tell you?
Your bet.

I'll check to the riser.

Seven eyes straight, still working.

Okay, it's up to you, Ben.

I pass.

Bet a hundred.

I'm out.

Over and out.

Oh, Frank.

Fifteen, ten, one, 60, 70, 80,


Go on.

You're looking at him.

You know how much he's dropped the past
six weeks?

Hey, Frank, what do you want me to do?

Adopt him?

He's got about as much
business in playing poker as

I've got entering a Marty
Allen look -alike contest.

Theo!
- No, no, get me wrong.

I mean, I like Vinnie.

I like Letitia.

I don't know how long they've been married
now.

Four years.

They're still playing house.

They're acting as if life were one big
trip to Disneyland.

Is that bad?

It is, if you can't afford it.

Well...

I dropped $230.

Did I ask?

Well, you got it right.

It's your money, too.

I know what you're thinking.

The dishwasher's busted.

We're two months behind on the cart
payments.

The drapes need cleaning.

I told Kojak to hold a check till after
payday, so as to be short or clear.

Looked like a lock.

Used to figure he'd have a straight.

I don't know what it is.

It's not like I have the itch.

A pony now and then a football pool.

Friday night poker with the troops.
It's part of living.

It shouldn't even signify.

No.

No, it shouldn't.

But it does.

Everything does.

Pop's funeral expenses, your boutique
going bust.

It's not one thing.
It's something else.

Never even a piece of luck.

It's like God gave me
you and then he said, that's

enough luck for any one man's
lifetime, Vincent Pomerantz.

So don't come scratching around for more.

You sorry?

I wanted to give you the world.

You have?

My old man.

You should have seen him before the
stroke.

Six-two when he was built like a phone
booth.

A gentle.

Six miles to feed on a brakeman's take
home and he never whimpered.

Every Saturday he'd come walking in.

Mom would be sitting there with the
envelope spread out on the kitchen table.

One for Con Ed.

One for the gas company.

One for Dr. Horowitz.

One for Edna's piano teacher.

Must have been a dozen of them easy.

And Pop, he'd lean down, give her a peck
on the cheek and turn over his wages.

She had this ratty old cloth coat.

Practically falling apart.

Took some doing, but the old man finally
talked her into getting a new one.

She picked it out at Klein's.

I remember that little fur trim on the
collar.

Anyhow, it looked like fur.

She started saving up for it, putting a
little aside each week.

Well, naturally, that wasn't what Pop had
in mind.

He meant she should let the bills go hang
just once.

Walk right in there and buy it.

Well, you could see he wasn't gonna budge
her.

And at the rate she was going, us kids
had been grown up and married time.

She saved enough.

So Pop...

He decided to take matters into his own
hands.

Without her knowing, he sneaked five bucks
from the cookie jar...

and bet it on a two-year-old aqueduct.

The look on his face when he turned up
with that coat from Klein's.

She never wore it.

For the rest of her life, it lay in a box
on the top shelf of their bedroom closet.

She was punishing him, you see.

Never mind he'd won, people like us had no
business taking chances.

Whatever fate dealt us, that's the hand we
had to play.

It was 12 years later, Pop had his stroke.

But today she
refused to wear that.

That's the day he died.

I'd have worn it.

Everybody in position down there?

Everything's set.

Stand by, here come the goodies.

Take it, kid.

Come on, who's to know?

There's over 10,000 in there.

All you gotta do is close your eyes.

How about it?

Huh?

Huh?

Nothing, nothing in there.

All right, let's check out here.

All right.

Heads, you tell him, tails.

You tell him or you lost him.

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

That's the gist of it, Lieutenant.

Then why do you think we staged this
extravagant answer?

Dinky Geller, that's the slob I wanted.

He's the one who would have put the bucks
on Shelley Briscoe.

These are the bums if we bailed out and on
the streets in an hour.

Well, anyway, we zapped one of Shelley's
operations.

If I'm any judge,
there's gotta be at least

a quarter of a million
in contraband here.

Come on, will you, Frank?

It's only a drop of the bucket.

The Shelley Briscoe will open up another
store...

before the police property clerks can tag
this stuff.

All right, you get with Stavros.

Get those turkeys mugged and booked.

You, Sherlock, let's go play kiss and
tell.

Well, now we know how Dinky got out of
here.

Yeah, and he took the ledgers with him.

Well, he probably heard Vince coming and
knew he was cut off.

He couldn't have had that much time.
Are you kidding?

That's fast, even for Willie Shoemaker.

You know, dumpy Dinky going through this
escape hatch...

is like threading a needle with a wet
noodle.

I guess you had to be there.

Hi, honey.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Inventory took longer than we'd expected.

Did you have your dinner?

No, I wasn't really hungry.

I preferred to wait for you.

Oh, I'll only be a minute.

I want to get comfortable.

How was your day?

Exciting?

Oh, not particularly.

Vince?

Yeah?

What's this?

I don't know.
Beats me.

Why don't you open up and find out?

It's not from Klein's either.

I don't understand.
How?

Well, this dude I knew was in a jam.

I did him a favor and he insisted on
expressing his gratitude.

That's a lot of gratitude.

It was a lot of favor.

Do you like it?

Like it?

I love it.

Something else you're gonna love.

What?

See these?

Receipts.

Stamped.
Paid in full.

No, it didn't bail us
out, but I sure put some

breathing space between
us and our creditors.

And you?

What did you do for you?

For me?

Hmm.

The look on your face.

That's for me.

Try it on.

Just try and stop me.

Who is this?

Let's just say I have a
business associate of a

certain party for whom
you recently did a favor.

You've engaged my interest, Mr. Pomerantz.

I even made it a point to check you out.

For example, I know that you're in a
financial bind.

You've been moonlighting weekends as a cab
driver.

What a way to live.

I ask you, what kind of a life is that?

You're building up to something.
Forget it, I'm not interested.

How do you know?

Why don't you hear me out first?

A friend of mine is in need of a favor,
defendant at an upcoming trial at which

you happen to be the district attorney's
chief witness, Sammy Juergens.

Now, if you went

to $10,000, Vincent,
tax-free... Won't work anyway.

Lieutenant Kojak is also a witness for the
prosecution.

With a very significant distinction.

You actually saw the crime.

He arrived on the scene moments later.

There'll be a man waiting in the restroom,
just outside the courtroom.

It's a token of my good faith.

We've still got a few minutes.
I think I'll hit the men's room.

That's a shrewd move.
I think I'll join you.

Lieutenant, phone call for you.

Pomerantz?

You first.

Give your boss a message.

Don't come to the well again.

Are you sure, Frank?

Sure enough for the D.A.

to want to trot it before the grand jury...
just as soon as they can squeeze them in.

I'm telling you, we're not just gonna tie
a can to Briscoe.

We're gonna plow under his entire
organization.

Only, Theo, keep this under your hat,
huh?

Word leaks out prematurely.

There'll be a fire sale on Harps.

Okay, Frank.

What happened?
They repealed the Miranda?

Oh, not quite a cigar, but you're close.

Well, well, well, look what just came out
of the sewer.

Banjo-eyed Benny, the goniff's goniff.

One of them brings this slime to this hall
of justice.

Maybe one of his pals is standing trial.

What pal?
Are you kidding with his personality?

I mean, he couldn't strike up a friendship
in the city of brotherly love.

When a city of brotherly love was the city
of brotherly love.

The court should be in session now,
Lieutenant.

Oh, thanks, Judy.

I booted it, like some rookie fresh out of
the academy.

Forget about it.

It happens to the best of us.

I mean, I've seen
experts, professionals in

the witness box crumble
like stale cookies.

What that defense attorney did to you, any
justice would be charged with m*rder one.

And Juergens walks.

After all the time we put in, we had him
dead to rights.

We'll nail him.

A schlep like Juergens, he can't walk around
the corner without committing a felony.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, Vincenzo.

Get a load of this.

Man, look at this fashion plate.

Ooh, look good.

What's the matter, man?

Can't take his wife to dinner without a
chaperone?

We're planning on that chili briscoe,
captain's orders.

Told us to make a log on every move that
Barracuda makes.

Briscoe's in town?

Yeah.

Come on, honey, let's go.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

What, are you kidding?

If we had to steer clear of every char
house frequented by the wise guys,

we'd have to take all our meals at the
automan.

Come on, go on, then.

Hey, Vince.

Munch, munch, baby.

I wouldn't say no to a dungy bag.

I just spoke at the D.A.

It's all systems go.

The grand jury's issuing a subpoena for
Shelley Briscoe.

Oh.

Well, you tell them I claim the privilege
to serve that c*ck myself.

I'll call them back.

Darling, what's the matter?

These muscles, I think they sneaked into
the country under an assumed name.

Compliments of Monsieur Briscoe,
sir.

Briscoe, you sleazy punk, I ought to ram
this down your slimy throat.

Where do you get off buying me champagne?

Just looking at you is enough
to make me want to puke

my dinner hair-creep in case
you ain't got my message.

I'll take a dozen 8x10s.

That was better than the bicentennial
minute.

Sit down.

If I want you to stand, I'll whistle the
national anthem.

All right, here ye, here ye.

As an award by the best performers of the
year by a toilet bowl, the city of New

York and the people in it would like to
present you with this engraved subpoena.

Come on, Charlie Brown.

Let's get some air.

How long have you been a member of the
Kamikaze squad?

Okay, what would you have done?

Well, I was Dom Perignon.

I would have drunk the contents and then
busted the empty bottle over his head.

My favorite part of that.

A woman who smells as good as she looks.

Check, please.

What, are you kidding?

At these prices?

You could eat the tablecloth.

Besides the sunshine.

It's our anniversary.

Why don't you join us?
We'd love to have you.

Ah, pass.

I mean, I'm still thinking you're young
enough whereby you want to be alone with

the tete-a-tete and all that, but I'll take a
rain check on your silver anniversary.

Take care of your man, lady.

He's acting like he got a tiger in his
tank.

Cheers.

Why did you lie to him?

It's not our anniversary.

You're a cop, you're Caesar's wife.

He sees us eating in a joint like this,
he begins to wonder.

I'm scared, Vinnie.

Why am I scared?

Crocker, I'm in Manhattan South.

Hold on.

Vinnie, line three.

Detective Pomerantz, can I help you?

Don't talk, just listen.

Write this number down.



Go to the pay phone outside and call me.

If anyone asks, I had to go out for a
couple of minutes.

Sure.

Ah, Frank.

You know what day this is?

Let's see.

The last time I looked at my
sundial near my Olympic-sized

swimming pool in the back
of my estate, it was Tuesday?

Wrong.

It's the sixth day in a row.

I've had to remind you, you're grossly
overdue for weapons re-qualification.

I'm telling you, Theo, if you don't get
your butt over that firing range,

the commissioner's going to personally
fall by and relieve you of your hardware.

All right, tomorrow.
I'll do it just before I come into work.

I just got a ballroom squeal, a knifing
over on the east side.

All right, take Pomerantz.

Well, he's out.

What about Rizzo?

No, no, no.

He's got to give it that position.

All right, you go on ahead, and when Vince
comes in, I'll have him play catcher.

Hey, look, I don't blame you about last
night.

It was my gaffe, not yours.

It's a wonder the shoe flies ain't
crawling all over me today.

I sent you a message you wanted me
writing.

It's one last favor, Vincent.

I'll never trouble you again.

No.

Top dollar.

You could make the down payment on the house of Nyack your
wife has been pining for.

How could you know about that?

There are things I know about you,
Vincent, that you don't know yourself.

So what do you say?

A little inside information is all I need.

My associates and I have reasons to
believe that the D.A.'s office has a

surprise witness squirreled
away, and they intend

to spread him on us at
the grand jury hearing.

Obviously, such an eventuality I just as
soon avoid, you know?

So, just give us a name and an address,
Vincent.

We can take it the rest of the way.

It's out of the question.
Ain't you heard a word I said?

Of course, but you haven't heard my offer.

I don't care if you're throwing
a boardwalk in Park Place.

My answer is no!

Vince, come on.
I got a homicide.

I'm Detective Crocker.

Could you tell me your name?

Mrs. Nugent.

Mrs. Nugent, please tell me what happened.

We was having an aperitif, Charlie and me.

Nice and sociable.

Charlie was always the perfect gentleman.

Charlie... You were saying
about having an aperitif?

These people should never touch liquor.

Tommy O'Halloran, for one.

Is that the man who stabbed Mr. McGuire?

With no provocation.

Excuse me, Mrs. Nugent.

Do you know where we might locate O'Halloran?

Down the street, 200 Fifth Floor.

Thank you, Mrs. Nugent.

Hey, you the police?

Yeah.

Well, show me.

You're looking for Tommy O'?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, he ain't upstairs.

All right, I'll buy it.
Where is he?

Saw him taking some laundry down to the
basement.

Thank you, ma'am.

O'Halloran!

Mr. O'Halloran!

You're down there!

Go away!

Hey, we just want to talk to you.

I ain't talking to nobody.

Hey, come on.
Be a nice guy.

Come on upstairs.
Nobody's going to bother you.

We just want to talk.

Go away, I said!

I fought for the king's service.

You don't frighten me.

O'Halloran!

O'Halloran!

Drop the arms!

Okay.
Take it easy.

Back off!

All right.

I see you're making trucks.

Yeah?

Where are you going to go?

You got blue uniforms all over
the street up there. Don't be a jerk.

You won't get as far as the corner.

I don't!

He don't!

Take it easy!

Okay.

Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm going to call an ambulance.

Molly!

I think I'm 10 years nearer to pension.

You're okay.

It's my one vice.

They give me gas.

So what the hell?
So does my wife's cooking.

Second thought, maybe it's not the
cooking.

Maybe it's my wife.

Listen, if I want to hand a young man a
pression, I'll get you a violin.

In the meantime, what's the story on our
friend Mr. Briscoe?

He's sweating b*ll*ts.

When you laid that paper on him,
he went 80% bananas.

The tom-tom's got a D.A.

Stern himself as a witness.

Is that the amnesty?

Mr. Briscoe made any moves?

He ain't even blowing his nose.

But then again, maybe he don't have to.

Maybe he's got somebody who can do it for
him.

Yeah, but that's only the wrapping paper.

How about the fish?

I don't know his moniker.

But the word on the streets, Briscoe's
bought himself a flat foot.

Yeah?

You're up, Woodnick.

It's been my observation that insomnia is
one of the classic byproducts...

What are you talking about?

Byproducts of what?

When a man is reminded traumatically of
his own mortality, I'm given to understand

that your wife very nearly became a widow
today.

It presumes occurred
to you that in view of

the risks you take,
you're grossly underpaid.

It goes with the territory.

Whether it would or it wouldn't,
it's got nothing to do with you.

You survived this time, Mazeltov,
but what if you hadn't, Vincent?

Think about it.

A policeman's death benefit.

That's all you mean to leave her?

Doesn't she deserve more, don't you?

I have a very attractive proposition to
make to you, my friend.

It's about that information you wanted.
I already told you.

Oh, I've already secured that,
thank you.

I guess I'm not in such exclusive company
after all.

You could be.

Fifty thousand dollars in your pocket.

You've got long arms, Briscoe.

Who do I have to k*ll?

You're joking, I'm not.

You mean you want me to dust someone?

Weekends in Bermuda.

Mink, you'll wrap your garbage in it.

The little lady wants Nyack, Vincent.

Why not give it to her?

In nine years on the force, I never shot
anyone, let alone k*lled.

So much for clean living.

It'll be easy.

Easier than you think.

We'll supply the weapon, the blueprint,
transportation to the target zone.

All you gotta do is squeeze the trigger.

You can't do that, can't you?

Squeeze the trigger.

I have to think about it.

We gotta move this weekend.

If it's not you, I'll rent another cannon.

And now what difference can an hour make?

Don't shine me off, Vincent.

There's nothing better than a dead cop.

Honey.

Honey.

We gotta talk.

Oh, later.
Come to bed.

This won't keep.

It's about that house at Nyack.

Suppose I found a way to raise the money.

Oh, darling, can you?

Oh, I'll be so good.

I'll watch every penny.

Say yes, please.

It's not what I'm asking.

Suppose.

Just suppose.

You'll love the neighborhood.

Trees and lawns and a school you can walk
to.

It's perfect for raising a family.

You're not listening.

You're not listening.

How about that family?

We could start right now.

You too.

I thought this kind of misery was reserved
exclusively for squad commanders.

You know, it's a masochistic obscenity for
anyone to be up at such an ungodly hour.

General Hagey's in charge of our entire
NATO forces, right?

But does anybody ask him to requalify on a
carbine?

Nobody orders Heifetz to requalify on a
violin.

Yeah, that's my point exactly.

What, are you leaving?

Yeah, they're holding the place for me at
Bickford.

I'll see you at the store.

Such a thing as being overtrained.

Well, not if you're a bachelor.

All right.

Bring on the clothes.

Hey, wow.

That kind of marksmanship can get you a
sign to the fire arms, can't it?

You must be bucking for something three
days running at the crack of dawn.

The crack of dawn?

Hello.

I'm sorry to dump it
on you like this, Vinnie,

but Saperstein's kid
fell off his skateboard.

Doris and St. Luke's for a loot job.

The mother-in-law's down with the shingles.

Oh, yes.

Their schnauzer just flunked his rabies
test.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is I
need you to fill in.

I put in for an A-28 for 72 hours.

Lieutenant Kojak approved it.

Tish and me made plans, Captain.
Have a heart.

Can't you get somebody else?

It's too important.

I need two good men
to buzz over to Riverdale

and collect a witness
for the grand jury.

Crocker'll partner you.

Okay, I'm on my way.

Whose car?
Mine or Barbie's?

Neither.

You'll be driving a bulletproof hearse.

Hello.

Pomerantz.

Bad news.
We have to scratch the mission.

What do you mean, scratch?

I just got off the phone with Captain
McNeely.

He wants me and another detective to make
the pickup and the delivery.

That's all she wrote.

If that witness does his
number for the grand jury,

I'll be stamping license
plates into the next century.

There's nothing I can do.

There's always something.

You just haven't thought of it yet.

You haven't thought of it.

What are you using for transport?

An armored plate hearse.

Kojak's taking no chances.

Now, listen carefully.

This is what we'll do.

On your way back, make sure that you're
doing the driving.

Your partner rides shotgun.

Now, are you listening?

Just before you hit the city, the hearse
breaks down.

You volunteer to ask for help.

Now, what happens next is something you
didn't worry about.

Since you're You know what you're asking
me to do.

Now, listen to me.

I'm not asking.

I am giving you an order.

If I go down, you go down with me.

All the way.

Have you any idea what life in jail is
like for an ex-cop?

Now, do it.

That way, we'll both live to enjoy our
grandchildren.

Come here.

Put your fat finger on that, will you,
please?

I don't want the genie to escape.

Gee, that's pretty snazzy goods,
lieutenant.

Who's the lucky lady?

No, for ladies, you don't buy tea sets.

For ladies, you buy perfume.

For ladies, you buy furs.

You buy nightgowns, negligés, peek through
a see-through or like that.

No, this is for Vincent Letitia.

It's a belated anniversary gift.

Would you believe I bought this thing a
week ago?

Gee, lieutenant, I think your account is a
little off.

Their wedding anniversary is not until
four months yet.

Are you sure?

Well, I ought to be.

My kid sister Catherine was one of
Letitia's bridesmaids.

You'd be just Pomerantz on the phone,
wouldn't you?

What other gave you
the idea that it was

Vinnie's wedding anniversary
anyway, lieutenant?

There was the night I served Briscoe with
the subpoena.

Briscoe?

Oh, no.

Vinnie was only putting you on.

He was pretty thingy that night anyway.

You should have seen the look on his face
when he spotted me and Saperstein.

For a second there, he actually thought we
were planning on him.

Are you ready for that?

Hey, lieutenant, I couldn't get through,
so I checked with the supervisor.

Phone's off the hook.

Oh, Riverdale, you tell him to sit on that
witness, you understand?

You tell him to sit on that witness?

Not to make any moves?

Until I get there.
Do you understand?

Yeah.

My dearest darling, do me a favor.

Never forget that I love you more than
life itself.

Something's happened, hasn't it?

Something happened to Vince.

What are you supposed to tell me?

I have been sitting here half out of my
mind, not knowing what to think,

not knowing what to do.

Whatever happens, never forget that I love
you.

Theo, what does he mean, whatever happens?

You don't know.

Tish, you know that perfume we were the
other night?

It's got to go for $60 an ounce.

That robe you got on?

Took a lot of silkworms to work all night,
night, night to put that on your back.

And stereo set and new drapes and a 25
-inch television set and on and on.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd swear that Vince lost

a very rich uncle, or maybe
their anniversary presents.

Tish, why would Vince go to the firing
range three days running?

Tell me I'm wrong.

Tell me for what I'm thinking they ought
to pull my badge.

He said he helped a friend out.

I didn't pry.

I could see he didn't want me to.

Suddenly our luck had changed.

We were drinking champagne for the first
time.

Talking about buying a house, having kids.

It was the yellow brick road.

And I never wanted it to end.

Only it has ended.

Hasn't it?

You know, Tish, a couple
of days ago Stool came up

to me and said that Briscoe
had a cop in his pocket.

If anybody would have said Vince,
I would have punched him out.

I'm sorry, boss.

It's too late.

The boat's already sailed.

We'd better go.

What a job, huh?

Look at the fringe benefits.

Air you can actually breathe.

Reminds me of New England.

Speaking of which, wouldn't I love to be
holed up in a cabin in Vermont?

My honey on one side,
a jug of hand to freeze on

the other, and nothing
to do until the spring thaw.

I said Vermont, not Riverdale.

What is it?

Why have we stopped?

Relax, Mr. Danziger.

Everything will be worked out.

There's bound to be a house not too far
ahead.

I'll call for a tour.

Okay.

Vince!

You okay?

I should have worn skis.

I think I sprained them.

You're gonna have to huff it to the phone.

That's what I get for dreaming.

You gonna be all right?

Bobby,

thanks for the other day.

Hey, you'd have done the same thing,
right?

Come on, get in.

What gives?

You ain't supposed to be here.

Where's your sidekick?

It's been a change in plans.

He's gone.
Danziger is gone.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Kojak shuffled the deck on us.

This hearse is just a decoy.

Danziger is being taken to Manhattan in
another vehicle.

You're hustling us, cop.

Now, why would you do a thing like that?

You left the safe house with the crooner
on board.

He ain't here now because you got him
stashed somewheres.

Now, that's a fact.

Know what else is a fact?

How dead you're gonna be, you don't get
some hinges for that mouth.

Go back!

Go back!

Go back!

Don't sh**t!

Don't!

Wake him up!

I cuff him.

Look at you.

You didn't even send your pin feathers.

Come on, will you?

I lead a charmed life.

That's because you're a charmer.

Lieutenant, I can't find Danziger or
anywhere.

Don't panic, Hurley.

Before the balloon went up, I parked him
in the woods, cuffed to an owl.

If the bears ain't at him, he should be as
good as new.

I think I'm hit the frostbite.

I've got no feeling in my legs.

I'm dying.

Are you on a deathbed statement?

A deathbed statement duly witnessed.

You're all huddled.

Why, Vince?

In God's name, why?

You wouldn't understand.

Why didn't you try me?

I wanted to buy her a coat.

Oh, Jesus, sweet Jesus.

Not like this.

Please, not like this.

Go, Jack.

Do me something.

You gotta do me something.

Tell Tish.

Tell her what?

What are you gonna tell her?

I don't know.

But I'll think of something.