06x13 - The Icing on the Cake

[bunniefuu]

vag*na!

We're having this sick, amazing dance party.

We're all, like, letting loose, having fun.

Like, this is our last weekend to go out,

And we want to just k*ll it.

What do you guys want to do next week?

I have an idea.

Let's have a bonfire on the beach.

Yeah, word. Yay!

That'll be awesome.

We're not finished rocking.

We're gonna party one last f*cking time,

And go out like true m*therf*cking champions.

I've never done that. I've never done that in my life.

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ Do something crazy ♪

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

It's bonfire day.

First bonfire in seaside history,

And you's invited.

The summer's coming to an end,

So tonight, we are going to have a bonfire on the beach

And have all of our relatives, all of our family members,

Our friends, come together,

And have, like, a big farewell party to seaside.

Yo, pauly, let's go get our lumber.

Yo, why don't we get the wood for the party?

Can we just bring furniture from the house

And throw it into the fire?

I don't even know the accessories

That we actually need for a bonfire.

I'm from new york.

A bonfire is four crackheads standing around a container

Going like this. [Exhales]

Feel like a real man getting some lumber.

Do you? Yep.

This is not the first time I've gotten wood with pauly.

Hello. How you doin'?

We need wood.

Usually, it's in the morning- morning wood.

You need wood? You've come to the right place.

But right now, it's afternoon wood,

But it's still wood.

See that wood on the dolly?

Oh, yeah. You could take that.

Yeah, we'll take that. Let me pull a truck up.

That's quite a bit.

I've never had so much wood in my life.

This is gonna be tough.

We're gonna have to load it, unload it,

Load it, unload it, like, ten times.

Unless we just wheel this home

And then bring this back to you.

You mean walk it home? Yeah.

Who needs gtl when you have gtw?

[Horn honks]

Vinny, the skinniest one in the house,

Is pushing the wood all the way home.

[Laughs]

That thing hard to push?

Yeah.

How come you're sweating?

f*cking hard. It's hard wood right here.

You're doing great! Keep it up.

Hold on, red light.

My man vinny is super serious about his wood.

You don't play with this guy's wood.

I'm tellin' ya.

f*ck.

This thing needs a wheel alignment.

This is tiring, huh?

f*cking tired.

[Alternative music]

Hi.

We just have a table and chair delivery.

Yo, if I was a bonfire, where would I be?

I'm gonna say we put it right there.

I'm gonna make a whole lot of ron ron juice.

We have an hour. Girls, grab the bags.

Boys, grab some tables.

Yo, why's my table at an angle?

[Laughs]

♪ Shake this party up ♪

♪ We're never gonna stop ♪

Ooh, look at those meatball g*ns!

Oh, oh, oh! We don't want that.

We don't want that. Party foul!

We're gonna have to probably make it wider.

You mean this first hole I dug?

Tonight is the first ever bonfire

Seaside has ever seen.

But let me tell you something.

It's a lotta work!

Be careful.

Your blowout'll catch on fire.

Where's the gasoline? We made fire!

Yo, who got the s'mores?

The fire's dope. Oh, yeah!

Fire... Yeah!

All right, we're gonna go get ready.

Makes me feel like a man building a fire.

Today, vincent, you became a man.

I feel like I'm going to a tiki party.

All right, you ready, 'cause people are already over there.

I'm ready. [Belches]

♪ Come on, let's have some fun ♪

♪ C-c-come on ♪

Cheers! [Laughter]

Hey, how are you? How are you?

Ooh, so happy to see you.

Hi! Oh, I've missed you so much.

I got you club.

What do we got? I didn't bring a lot.

I didn't eat anything.

My mom brings enough food to cater

The whole party for people.

My mom is just the ultimate rock star mom.

Look at this crew! [Laughs]

This is probably one of the biggest parties

That we've ever thrown.

We have everybody's friends and family here.

You know, you got sam's parents, vinny's parents.

Uncle nino is there.

Pauly's guests, my boy tj,

My dad, mike's mother, mike's brother.

Holy sh*t, that's a lot of people.

Feel like I'm the chef at a wendy's right now.

Don't touch my hair. We're gonna bury jerry.

♪ Come on, let's have some fun ♪

Where the f*ck's my man?

[Clears throat]

I wonder where they are. [Laughs]

Aww! Is that...

Poop!

We look at a distance, and we see big ol' roger,

That's, like, feet tall, with humongous flowers,

And then we see something, like, little

Trailing behind them, and it's little jionni

With, like, a little, tiny bouquet of flowers for snooki.

Oh, they're so pretty. Poopy!

It's almost like the father gorilla

And the little baby ape walking next to each other.

Thanks, poop.

Those are handpicked, okay? Poop, I love it.

When I say handpicked, I'm not lying.

Like, my whole neighborhood, I cut off...

You stole it from people's yards?

Where'd you want me to get 'em?

You said you wanted wild flowers.

My god.

You look amazing. Yeah, I know.

I'm in good shape, healthy.

I mean, I'm doing probably the best I've ever done.

Probably, yeah... It's probably the best I've ever looked, like,

And probably the healthiest I've been

Since, like, probably, for real, for real.

I probably look better than I did when I was , probably.

I think it's the most hilarious thing

When mike talks about himself.

Mike's in the best shape of his life. [Laughs]

You know, I work out all the time,

And I jump over garbage cans, dude,

Like, no problem, like a grasshopper.

You think roger would cover me?

He covers you when he stands near you!

[Laughter]

All right. Go.

[Grunting]

Ahh! [Laughs] wow, look at jionni.

[Laughs]

All right, you put it in there!

He's quick for a short kid.

He is quick. I'll give him that.

Is... Is... Is he faster than me?

Want me to cover you? Yeah, sure.

All right.

I don't think you can cover me, though.

You know, I'm probably in the best shape of my life,

And, you know, I have catlike reflexes.

Go.

It's just not fair for anybody else pretty much.

I'm being honest. He's not gonna beat me.

[Grunting]

Oh! Whoo! Go, jionni!

That's my man!

[Laughs] you look like you're about to pass out.

The only thing I'm confused about

Is mike's supposed to be in the best shape of his life,

And then you got little, short jionni

Destroying you on the field.

I wants a rematch. Let me go out.

Whoo-hoo! Come on, johnny utah!

Let's go.

[Grunting]

[Cheering]

So hot.

Jionni's gonna be lucky regardless tonight

Because I miss his pee-pee,

But the fact that he just beat mike in football,

He's gonna get extra pee-pee time.

He's getting some tonight. [Chuckles]

What's your plans? Like, when you leave here?

Me and ron are gonna take the next step

And move in together, you know.

Why are you laughing? [Laughs]

Cheers!

I've gotta try your specialty.

Me and vinny rode that thing together.

It was romantic.

Vinny, is that right?

You went up for a ride with him?

Yeah.

Pauly's gonna be my niece soon.

[Laughs]

For me, it was probably

My best summer that I ever had.

Here? Yeah.

I had a lot of fun. No drama, though, huh?

No, stayed away from...

There's been enough of that in your life.

I know. I'm, like, over the drama.

There's no drama. Holy cow.

I didn't really fight with ron.

That's great. Things are going really good.

I think, overall, my journey with ron has been crazy.

We've been through it all, every high, every low,

Every disgusting thing.

I want nothing to do with you.

Move out the room. I'll move your sh*t myself.

f*cking- stop! You psycho!

I think that we have this amazing connection

That nobody just understands.

So now that you and ronnie had such a great time,

What's your plans, like, when you leave here?

Honestly, I think me and ron are gonna take

The next step, and, uh, move in together, you know?

[Chuckles] why are you laughing?

[Laughs]

Why are you laughing?

It's about fricking time, don't you think?

Don't you think it's about fricking time?

She said she's gonna move to new york, so...

Time to do it.

It's like, sh*t or get off the pot.

You got the frickin' world at your hands right now,

So just frickin' enjoy it.

That's all.

I think my dad is definitely iffy

On the relationship between me and sam

Because it's been on and off so much.

You have to admit, sam... What?

In the beginning of your relationship with ronnie,

You have to admit it, honey, it was kinda tough.

I mean, like, the fights. I mean, holy cow.

So? What do you want me to do?

I mean, well, think about it. What do you want me to do?

I'm at a good place in my life.

Why can't I forget that?

I hope you do, and I hope it is behind you.

It's like, why even bring it up?

I mean, let's just drop it. Well, yeah.

It's, like, annoying already.

My dad is just skeptical of ron for obvious reasons,

So I'm just hoping that my dad and mom

Can get along, and everything will be okay.

Bye, mom! Bye, dad, love you.

Well, honey, I love you. Get home safe.

Thanks for everything. Love you.

I had so much fun tonight with everybody's friends

And family at the bonfire.

I'm italian, and big family parties are what it's all about,

But it's really bittersweet that the summer's coming to an end,

Because we know that when we get home,

Its going to be sad.

Putting this fire out is symbolization

Of our time here.

Farewell party!

[Alternative music]

♪ Summer months have all but gone ♪

♪ I'm as lost as I can be ♪

Ready for the last shift? Yep.

Sam! Coming.

We're leaving!

I feel sad today.

We have our last workday at the shore store,

Our last shift, and it's just starting to hit me

That it's the last time I'm actually gonna work here.

Guidos are here! What's up, man?

It's the last day, man. I know.

You sad?

Oh, I didn't even bring a lollipop today.

Trust me, I'm fighting back the tears right now, guys.

[Laughs] yeah, right. Tears of joy! [Chuckles]

Danny. Yes, sir?

Can you tell her there's no bikinis in the store?

She has to remove that. Follow the rules.

[Laughs] she almost took it off, bro.

I really, truly am going to miss

Working at the t-shirt shop and working with danny.

Like, danny's now a part of my life.

He's my friend, and I'm sick at pressing shirts.

Damn, I'm good!

I should be the master presser at this store,

But danny doesn't wanna pay me.

Just gonna be a dj instead.

So why, danny, do you keep bringing us back every year?

We flipped your house inside out,

Almost burnt it down at least three to four times...

Yup.

Left it smelling like a lobster's vag*na.

Mike was bringing a bunch of grenades in your house, bro.

[Groans] don't remind me about that one.

I gotta be honest. I do love you guys,

But mike drives me nuts.

[Laughter]

What are you guys up to tonight?

No idea. I want to go home.

I want to go to your home as well.

[Giggles] mike!

I will not miss danny riding me

At the shore store every time I work.

This is my last shift. Yeah.

Oh, today? Yeah.

Could I get one last embrace?

[Sighs] please!

I'm saying my good-byes, you dictator.

Are you kidding me?

This is the last day of work, the last day of school.

Who does anything on those days?

It's time, guys. It's over.

Last day of work! It's been fun.

Saying good-bye to danny is definitely sad,

But I feel like I'll always have a home at the shore store,

You know, maybe even when lorenzo's old enough to work,

He can go to the shore store and start working.

I definitely don't have a problem with that.

See you guys later. Bye, guys.

See you later, danny.

Me and sam are heading tanning,

And, you know, hopefully we don't run into paula.

Hi.

So paula left something here for mike.

Oh, no. What is it?

They're just birthday cakes,

I guess... [Sighs]

And a card. Oh, god.

Oh, my god, this is so weird.

All right, we'll deal with this when we get done.

Tomorrow is mike's birthday,

And of course, there's a note from paula

To give to mike with cakes.

Why are you doing this, paula?

Let me tell you something, they're both "whoo,"

Because look at this right now.

I thought it was all mike, but no.

Like, this is a little crazy.

Mike made paula look like a fool,

And now, paula's just, like, acting like everything

Is okay and sending him a cake and card?

It's just, like, too much. Like, slow your roll.

Let's just bring this home with us.

We'll let them figure it out.

Bye, guys. See ya.

Imagine mike gets sick from it. [Laughs]

Let's steal her bed, put it upstairs.

We owe sam a prank.

Do not mess with the prank w*r champions.

Oh, f*ck! Oh, damn, son!

Aw, I'm dead.

Oh, the cake.

Hello? Hey!

Guess what this is, mike. What?

This is for you, mike.

Here you go, mike. Who do you think that's from?

It's for you. What's this from?

Tanning? For real?

Yeah, tanning. Paula?

Paula?

Ooh, can we see? What the hell?

Is that cookies, bro?

Yo, you could do absolutely anything to that girl, huh?

What are you doing? Give me that card, bro.

Give me this, bro. Brah!

[Laughs]

I haven't really spoken to paula for a week,

But at the end of the day, I knew she still wanted me.

"Love you, even if you can be a d*uche sometimes.

J.k., Xoxo."

Wow, d*uche. Thanks, vin.

Thanks for relaying the message to me, vin.

Paula is definitely not j.k.

You know, with every "j.k." Comes a little truth,

And when paula calls mike a d*uche bag,

She's telling the truth.

Yo, not for nothing.

She probably poisoned this cake, bra.

Yeah, I wouldn't eat that sh*t, dog.

Yo, I wouldn't eat this, but I'm going to.

That good? Can we eat it?

Smells like heaven. This looks good.

Yeah, let's get into that. Mmm, that looks good.

If you want, I'll let you know how this is.

[Grunts]

I don't think it's a good idea

To have any cake that's given to me by a stranger

Or an ex-girlfriend that I just shitted on.

Hey, this cake's hard.

Yeah, 'cause there's arsenic in there.

Yo, it's arsenic.

Can somebody set the table?

We're eating this now. Yes.

Thanks, bro. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday to you too.

I thought it was a really sweet gesture.

Besides, how were you gonna poison the man

That she wants to be with?

Yo, mike should dump chicks more often.

We get free cake.

[Rock music]

Tonight. Want to go eat with me?

Yeah. Bye, boo!

Where's sam? Right there.

Yo, let's steal her bed, put it upstairs.

Wanna put it out here? Yeah.

Let's go.

We owe sam a prank because we didn't get her back

For when she locked us outside on the deck.

Do not mess with the prank w*r champions.

After we do this, we gotta set up those beds, like...

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do that.

All right.

[Grunts]

[Air hissing]

[Laughs]

All of a sudden, I hear "sss,"

And I'm like... [Groans]

Oh, f*ck!

Pauly! Yo.

It popped. Huh?

It popped. No, sir.

[Laughter]

No, sir.

Look at that. Oh, f*ck.

Oh, damn, son! That's your prank gone bad.

Just act like we didn't do nothing.

Dude, it's done.

But they'll think it just popped

If we put it back in her room.

This is an epic prank w*r fail.

Ronnie's bed is more important than his freshies,

So I know that this is not gonna be fun when ronnie comes home.

[Laughs]

You'll get it poppin'.

Tired.

Let the party begin.

Hey, what's up, though? Hi.

Hey, ron, you tired? You should get some rest.

Oh, no! Oh.

Look what they did to us.

That's funny, guys. That's not funny.

Who did that?

Vin? What?

Move the pillow.

Why? Look at you.

You're so guilty. I can't even deal with you.

They did it 'cause of you.

I know. 'Cause you were being a...

I think it's funny.

These stupid assholes let the air out of the mattress.

Like, ha, ha, ha, gonna have to refill it.

[Inflator whirs, stops] why isn't this working?

[Inflator whirring]

[Chuckling] listen to ron.

So I just hear this air pump going on for, like, an hour.

It's not getting harder, sam.

It is, ron! What the f*ck?

It is, look! It's hard.

It's hard. It's hard.

Look, it's losing air every second.

Their f*cking pranks suck, and I gotta pay for them.

So what do you want me to f*cking do?

I didn't ask for my f*cking bed to be deflated.

Go pull another funny prank.

I'm starting to think I might actually

Get off the hook here because now ronnie

Is mad at sammi instead of me.

Don't f*cking blame me 'cause you pull pranks too.

Yeah, but your pranks suck.

Don't f*cking talk to me like that.

So then get the f*ck out the room.

Then I will get the f*ck out of the room.

Don't f*cking talk to me like that.

You're cursing at me before.

No, I'm not f*cking cursing at you.

Now, I'm f*cking cursing at you.

I didn't f*cking ask for this.

You don't need to treat me like it was my f*cking fault.

Well, it is your f*cking fault.

You pull pranks all the f*cking time.

So f*cking man up and deal with it.

You don't like what the f*ck I do,

Then don't be with me. So let's break up now.

I'll go my way. You go your f*cking way,

If that's the way you wanna deal.

You guys didn't eat the cake, did you?

Why? Wow.

That frosting wasn't frosting.

Happy birthday. Hey, thank you.

Appreciate it.

Hi, sam. Hello.

You know that prank went awry, though.

It wasn't the intentions at all.

He took it up, and- it's a prank.

Yeah, but we're not malicious.

We were just gonna relocate it. He did it on accident.

It was a f*cking prank. Like, I don't care.

Last night was a little ridiculous,

But I wake up this morning,

And, like, I just want everything to be okay

And get over it, because today,

We got a lot going on.

Mike's birthday, pauly's birthday,

You know, the fourth of july.

I don't want to ruin it.

What you making?

[Gasps] cake for them.

Is that cake batter? Yes.

It's pauly and mike's birthday. Oh, yeah.

See, this is what I like to see.

What up, son?

Sammi crocker over there.

Ron comes in, and he's quiet,

But you can tell that he's pissed.

He's staring at sam with the kiss of death,

And it's super{\i} awkward!{\I}

Wanna make cookies with me?

Nope. Okay.

I'll make cookies. All right, let's make cookies.

I haven't spoken to sam all day,

And instead of just being like, "I'm sorry for last night,"

She's baking her cake, baking her cookies,

Sammi f*cking homemaker over here.

Where the f*ck are your priorities?

He's, like, mad at me.

Why you? I don't know.

♪ Put the candles on the cake ♪

I like cake, and I like birthdays.

Happy fourth of july. Happy birthday!

Thank you.

I didn't know skittles had a clothing line.

If it's your birthday, make some noise!

Let's light them up.

The birthday boys want milk too!

Happy birthday, my dudes! Oh, sh*t.

Happy birthday! Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, my dudes.

I love birthdays!

It's my birthday.

Pauly's is the next day on the fifth,

And believe it or not, pauly's middle name is michael,

And my middle name is paul. Go figure, right?

[Clapping and cheering] my birthday's over.

[Cheers and applause]

I love birthdays! Yay!

I'll give them their cakes first.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks, sam. You're welcome.

I love cake. Mmm.

Oh, there they are. Whoo!

Can we go up? Yeah.

sh*t sounds like ronnie's old neighborhood.

Pretty! Oh, wow, yeah.

Do you like it, lorenzo?

All: oh!

Happy birthday, dog.

Happy birthday.

This particular birthday is extremely special.

No drinking, no cigarettes,

And no painkillers, and I've never gone a birthday sober,

And it feels f*cking pretty awesome.

Happy birthday, man. Thanks, man.

Came a long way. Thank you.

[People shouting]

What's your deal with me?

I don't know what to say to you.

The whole, like, day today, I'm trying to, like, hug you,

Trying to, like, be just like, "let's just let it go."

Like, let's, like, whatever, and it was like no.

Like, you just weren't having it.

I'm gonna let it out now.

I was irritated last night

Because you're throwing around pranks,

And I got f*cking pranked.

I didn't ask 'em to take your f*cking bed.

I didn't ask 'em to pull a prank on you.

What the f*ck do you want?

It's called f*cking apologizing when you mess up.

Oh, sh*t. Ron and sam fight..

Hell, yeah. You get the popcorn?

This is dope. Let's get some popcorn.

We haven't had a ron and sam fight forever.

We've been waiting for a ron and sam fight all year.

Yo, get the pretzels.

You f*cked up last night.

What do I get? I get f*cking attitude.

I don't really think I f*cked up too bad last night.

I'll be honest with you, no. No? No. Okay.

What happened? Ron and sam fight.

It's like a blast from the past.

This is awesome.

What did I say that affected you so much

That you're so angry with me?

Your f*cking attitude this morning

Thinking you did nothing wrong.

You f*cking get up, like all f*cking preppy.

"I did f*cking nothing wrong.

"I'll get up, and I'll f*cking bake a cake,

f*cking make cookies, go until I'm f*cking done."

That's the f*cking problem.

Instead of saying, "hey, babe..."

What's going on?

Watching a movie. Oh.

What movie? It's a drama.

I wanna be with a f*cking woman

That... You know what, "I f*cked up.

I was wrong. I'm sorry."

You don't even f*cking say "hey, what's wrong..."

If you don't like what the f*ck I do,

Then don't be with me.

So if that's the choice, then we won't be together.

If that's- no, that's your choice.

We have one more day left. It's your choice, good.

I don't f*cking have to see you ever f*cking again.

Good! Good, perfect.

If that's what you want.

Last night, [indistinct], so let's break up now.

If that's the way you wanna f*cking do it,

I'll do it that way. You know what?

The grass is probably greener on the other side.

You go find out.

Come back to me, and let me know if I'm here.

How about that?

How did our f*cked-up prank

Turn into them f*cking fighting?

You don't wanna know what we know.

What?

Paula f*cked with that cake that you got.

She's telling everybody.

I would never in a million years

Think this girl would do this.

How could someone ruin a cake?

Well, how can I fix this? Your bed is f*cked.

How can I fix this?

It's called sucking up your pride,

Being in love, and f*cking apologizing.

That's what it's f*cking called.

That's what called being in love is.

You f*cking suck up your pride.

"Oh, my god, I f*cked up.

I got you flowers."

What do you want me to do, order a guy flowers?

No! Wake up, and say "I'm f*cking sorry,"

Not baking a f*cking cake.

Why the f*ck would I say...

Are they still fighting about this fricking mattress?

Let it go. It's a mattress.

I get no f*cking sleep. What do you want me to do?

I didn't f*ck up the bed. What do you want me to do?

I didn't f*ck up your bed. You had no reason to snap.

I'm not f*cking torso bob.

Don't take your sh*t out on me.

Oh, okay, maybe you should

Take your own f*cking advice sometimes.

Really? Yeah, really.

I've done nothing but f*cking been amazing to you

In this f*cking house. Oh, my god.

I can't even sit here and say. Okay.

I love ron and definitely don't want to be fighting.

It's just, like, if we just keep fighting

Over stupid drama, it's not gonna work.

We need to, like, communicate and let things go.

I'm not gonna sit here, and I'm not gonna go back

In the past and bring up your f*cking sh*t

That you f*cking put me through

'Cause that's not where I'm at right now.

'Cause that's all you've got. Oh, shut up, ron.

Honestly, like, you blaming me for the f*cking bed

Is not f*cking cool.

If the situations were turned,

When you have nothing to do with it,

And other people did, I would never f*cking blame you.

[Sighs] get the f*ck out.

I'm sorry that they messed with your bed,

But what else was I supposed to do?

I don't wanna fight anymore.

All right? Yeah.

Good night.

I love you.

This whole summer has been nothing but amazing

For me with ron, and now it's, like, the end,

And it's like, I don't wanna leave this house on a bad note.

I believe in our relationship,

And I believe that we're actually,

Like, grown up now and mature,

Where we can actually just let things go

And move on from it.

Come here, boo.

What?

I feel like me and sam- we gotta argue,

We gotta tell each other how we feel,

'Cause if we keep it in, it's just going to make things worse.

Let's just, "all right, I messed up. I'm sorry.

How can we grow from here? How do we move on?"

I wanna say sorry. Me too.

Not perfect, and I just want you to be happy.

I love you. I'm sorry, I love you too.

I love you.

[Pop music]

It's our last day! You going to the gym?

All right.

I feel it's only right to have our last day gtl-ing.

Do you wanna go tanning? I'll go.

Let's go. Shotgun.

The first summer, I never gtl-ed.

I was like, "what the f*ck these kids doing?"

But at this point now, I'm definitely part

Of the gtl process.

I've learned how to turn on a tanning bed,

So you know, gtl has become a way of life.

You're all set in there. Cool.

Hi, guys!

Hey. How are you?

You guys didn't eat the cake, did you?

As we're at the tanning salon,

This girl whitney's like, "did you eat

The cake that paula got for mike?"

And I'm like, "no," and she's like, "oh, good.

Don't eat the cake," and I'm like, "all right. Why?"

Check this out. What?

[Groans]

She shows us a picture of mike's cake

And some dude's pale ba*ls on the cake,

Right there on the cake- big ba*ls on the cake.

So what kind of cake is that?

It's ball cake. [Laughs]

Here you go.

That's the best day of my life,

In nuts on a crumb cake.

Wow.

Seems like we got ourselves a nutty situation.

Are you ready? Yeah.

Right now, I am so happy that I didn't eat that cake.

Who knows what else happened to the cake?

You know what I'm saying, like, that frosting wasn't frosting.

Mike, did you eat that crumb cake from paula?

I tasted it. Why?

And pauly did too, right?

He got into it. You tasted guy's ba*ls.

She had some dude- they just showed me

A picture... They showed a picture

Of some dude's ba*ls... On the cake.

On the crumb cake that she gave you.

No. I don't believe this.

Swear to god. Swear.

You know what? You wanna go back right now?

No.

You don't wanna go back right now and see it?

I'm telling you, some guy's ba*ls are on the crumb cake.

Like, two nuts.

I saw two guy's ba*ls in my face.

Yeah, she showed me the picture of the guy's nuts...

Nuts. On the crumb cake.

I'm very confused right now. She, like, loves me.

How are you gonna put b*ll s*ck on a cake?

That's just wrong, man.

I can't believe she did that, though.

It's not like she poisoned it.

There was just some... ba*ls.

Dirty man's ba*ls chilling on it.

It's funny to me 'cause I didn't eat the cake.

I don't even know if I tasted the cake.

I might have had a crumb.

No, you ate- you{\i} totally{\i} got into it.

Hey, paul. Hello.

Yo, you will not believe what the f*ck just happened.

You don't wanna know what we know.

What do you know?

You're gonna be upset about something.

Why?

Paula f*cked with that cake that you got.

Some guy put his ba*ls on it.

We saw a picture of the ba*ls, like, on the cake.

Whitney showed it. Wow.

On my birthday. On his birthday.

That's the most f*cked-uppest thing

I've ever heard in my entire life.

That girl's a piece of sh*t. Why would she do that to you?

You've been knowing her for four years.

That's f*cked up, bro. Let's go piss on her car.

I wanna jerk off in her purse, give her gooey vuitton.

[Laughter] what happened?

You know the cakes that paula gave to mike?

Yeah.

Paula had some guy's ball sac on the crumb cake.

I had a piece of it. You did?

Did you really? You ate the f*cking...

I haven't eaten cake this entire time.

The one time I decide, "let me splurge a little,"

It's a [bleep] teabagged ball cake.

Aw, man. Figures you would eat it, yo!

That's f*cked up. I'm no longer team paula.

I would never in a million years

Think this girl would do this.

Are you sure it's paula? Yes, bro.

I wanna call up and ask. [Dial tone]

This is some crazy sh*t.

I need to find out what is going on, if she was involved.

[Line ringing]

Hello? Hey, what's up?

What are you doin'?

Hello?

Hello? Yeah, are you there?

She's, like, "hello?"

That was such a fake hello.

I knew right away she did it.

That is my game right there.

I do's that, okay? I do that all the time!

Hello?

Yo, are you there? Yeah, what's up?

What are you up to today?

Hello?

She's acting like she couldn't hear you, right?

Hello?

Are you there?

I was like, "hello? Let me hear that again.

Let me hear that fake hello again."

Hello?

What happened? Disconnection.

Paula definitely is the prank w*r champ.

Nut cake is the best prank played in this house,

And paula don't even live here.

How could someone ruin a cake?

[Groans] [laughs]

Look at that house, yo. Aw.

This changed all our lives.

My life is perfect now because of being here,

So it sucks that I'm leaving.

[Sobs]

Yo, let's kick it on the upstairs deck.

Ooh, I'm out of breath.

Yo, this is the last night

We're ever gonna spend on this deck.

I know where I wanna sit. It's right here.

I remember the first time ever seeing this deck.

And we were like, "cool!"

I was like, "this is the coolest thing."

We thought we were the kings of the world.

Yeah, we were like, "this is the life.

I've got a jacuzzi, a canopy, a hammock."

It's really bittersweet that tonight's our last night.

As much as we hate each other sometimes,

We do have a lot of good memories,

And this is the last time we're gonna spend

A night on this deck kickin' it.

Yo, the first night we used that jacuzzi.

Yup. The first night.

That's right.

Oh. Whoa!

[Overlapping chatter]

Angelina, look at the jacuzzi right now.

[Overlapping dialogue] yeah, yeah, ronnie!

I was like, "who the f*ck is this b*tch?"

Nicole was bouncing around.

You were such a wh*re b*tch to me.

We were such assholes to you.

When I walked in, I was like,

"What did I get myself into?" I thought the same thing.

When I saw nicole come in and yell, "the party's here!"

I was like, "what is that?"

Nicole was like, "hi! I'm nicole.

How are you? Whoo!"

With her hair in a ponytail.

"Let's take shots! I love cocoa!"

Me and jenni were like... [Laughter]

"What the hell?"

I definitely think I came a long way

From coming here at , being a kid,

And just, you know, learning from my mistakes

And doing crazy sh*t.

I think I grew up,

But I still feel like I'm the same person.

Like, I'm still goofy, I'm still Ret*rded,

But I'm just more older.

Then, a guy punches her in the face, like, that was...

Oh, yeah. Shocked the world.

Ugly a*s out of our faces. Oh! Whoa, whoa.

Are you gonna hit a girl?

[Cries] we gotta go.

Who the f*ck tries to hit a f*cking girl, bro?

I don't know! Am I bleeding?

No, no, you're fine. You're fine.

I couldn't even believe that.

You couldn't comprehend it either.

You were like, "who hits a girl?"

That was, like, the first night

That I started to, like, feel, like, with you guys.

Like, I felt like...

And that's when we felt it for you.

We were like, "oh, my god.

It felt like my sister got punched."

I know.

Seeing a girl get punched in the face

Is like the most horrific thing you can ever watch,

But the snooki punch brought the house together

Because, you know, it opened our eyes

And made us, like, form as a family

And get each other's back.

Then after all that,

Who would've thought we'd come back

To this house together?

And I brought a meatball.

We met deena. Yay!

And the first day- craziest first day.

You broke all records and got naked in front of mike.

Everything looks situated. [Laughs]

Oh!

It was like, "no, not without my bikini!"

[Laughter]

And you, like, shimmied it back up.

Oops. Oh, well, you- what are you gonna do?

Remember when jenni didn't say she had a boyfriend?

[Nervous laughter]

Then, ronnie's like, "pauly d the problem!"

Understand how bad I want you.

If you go on another chick, I'll k*ll you.

You have a pierced p*nis.

I love it. No one knows.

I had to man up to that one. She was like, "no way."

The best was when we're all about to go to bed,

And she's like, "all right, I gotta call my boyfriend,"

And we're like, "yo, what?" [Chuckles] what?

Me and you looked at each other like...

A f*cking boyfriend?

Sorry. I had a crush on pauly.

I wasn't trying to blow it up the first night.

Tom ended up being a d*uche anyways, so I'm glad.

Well, yeah, that was the best thing that ever happened to you

'Cause you met roger. Yeah.

Meeting the person I plan to be with

For the rest of my life is another reason

Why the jersey shore changed my life forever.

I definitely see me and him

Having a forever future.

All the girls broke the number one rule of this house.

Don't fall in love at the jersey shore.

The bottom line is we'll never, ever

In our lifetime forget this place

Because it has impacted our life so much.

Nobody will ever understand what we went through.

No. Never.

Not anybody in this world.

Anybody in the world, except us right here.

The bond that we share from- and I think that's awesome.

Like it or not, you're my family.

No matter how old I get- with the blowout

Or without a blowout, gray hairs, no hair,

It doesn't matter- you can't take away

What we've done together.

I've been through so much here.

We've all been through so much here.

For real. And I love you guys.

Love you too. Like, you guys are my family.

I'm gonna miss you.

We're all growing up.

Yup. Yeah, we really are.

At the end of the day, we really have a bond together

That no one else can share.

Memories for the rest of our life.

The rest of our lives.

[Cheers and applause] I love you guys!

[Laughs]

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe we could find a meaning ♪

♪ The makings for a new tomorrow ♪

It feels messed up to say,

But it's the last day in seaside heights,

And, um, I want to go out with a bang.

[Pots clanging] hey, hey, wake up, yeah!

Hey, hey, wake up! Yeah, yeah, wake up! Yeah!

Final wake-up call!

Oh, yeah, wake up! Yeah, last day!

[Pot clanging]

I'm getting too old for this.

Hey, hey, wake up, yeah! Hey, hey, wake up, yeah!

Hey, hey, wake up, yeah! Last day, yeah!

[Laughing]

That was the best one ever! [Laughs]

Whoa!

Last family breakfast.

You know what, I'm gonna miss

Cooking for you guys from time to time.

You know what I mean? Especially...

Especially this summer, you know what I'm saying?

Today's breakfast is definitely very sentimental

For all of us.

We've been through so many good times and bad times

That, like... [Chuckles]

That, uh, nobody will ever understand.

You guys are the best friends I ever had.

This is the biggest dysfunctional family

I've ever had.

I'd say so. It really is.

It's definitely not hitting me that this is, like,

Our last breakfast ever at this table,

Or even sitting together at this table,

Being in this house together.

It's just crazy.

And to think it's all over... Wah.

Maybe one day our kids will all get a shore house together.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my god. Crazy.

When I first came in this house,

I was like, "how the f*ck am I gonna live

"With a bunch of tanned, muscle-bound,

Blowout-haircut, chapstick guidos?"

And now, I'm walking away with best friends

Who are exactly those people.

Sad as this is, we gotta go pack.

Love you guys. I love you guys.

[Overlapping chatter]

Yeah, buddy!

[All cheer]

♪ Please don't forget me ♪

♪ You know that I'll come back alive ♪

We had good times in this room.

Yeah, we did.

This is terrible- like, we're packing

Everything up one last time, for good, and moving.

It sucks.

♪ If you don't forget it ♪

♪ You know that we will survive ♪

Yo, you know how, when you came into the house,

You were like... You didn't like, like guidos

And you thought, like, I was just this tool bag

And whatever? Yeah.

Did you ever think you'd be best friends with one?

Nah, definitely not.

Never judge a book by its blowout, son.

[Laughter]

This is the last time I'm going to be here,

And I wanna say...

A few things. [Laughs]

I wanna say, "yeah, buddy!"

And, um, I'll never be the same

After leaving this house.

[Laughs]

I don't cry- I just laugh.

Damn, I didn't think this day would be here

With all our suitcases laid out in front... Damn.

It's like we leave every year,

But this time, we're not coming back.

I know.

This is it, like, this really is it.

All right, let's start to get this stuff out of here.

All right, guys, I'll see you.

[Crying] this has been, like,

The roughest summer for me ever.

Like, I went through, like,

My ups, my downs.

And everybody was there for me.

Sometimes, they'd piss me off,

And I wanted to f*cking strangle them,

But, like, the other side, I'm like,

I love these guys, like,

They're like my family.

Thank god I got a truck. Oh, sh*t.

You know, there's so many things

That have gone in the house, you know?

There's so many highs and lows.

But you look at it as, like, you know what?

That was one chapter in your life,

And now you're about to open up another.

[Laughter and chatter]

Love you! You f*ck.

Love you, guys. Love you all.

We've been through it all. I love you guys.

No, we've been through more than it all.

[Laughter] my god!

Ups, downs, lows, uh, jail. Oh, my god.

[Overlapping chatter] look at that f*cking house.

Each other. Damn.

Look at that sh*t. Aw, I'm gonna cry.

That's it. Ohh.

I hate good-byes. Oh, nicole, don't.

Yo, my f*cking eye is itchy right now, yo.

[Laughter] mike, are you crying?

No. [Laughter]

No, he's sweaty.

It's sweat, it's sweat.

[Laughs] mike... He has a heart.

Holy sh*t.

This changed all our lives. Yup.

Our lives will never be the same again

'Cause of this f*cking thing.

I would say the first summer here,

I thought this was the biggest mistake of my life,

And I thought my life was over because of it.

And now, it changed my life for the better,

Where I found a great guy, great family,

And my life is perfect now because of being here.

So it sucks that I'm leaving.

[Cries and sniffles]

Ahh. All right, guys.

Jersey. One last jersey.

Jersey shore. Ready?

All: one, two, three.

{\I}jersey shore!{\I} [all cheer]

Whew.

This sucks.

All good things have to come to an end,

But the crazy memories that we have

We'll never forget.

That house changed my life.

Those people changed my life.

And even though it's our last time

Together here in seaside,

I've made friendships I'm gonna keep

For the rest of my life.

Peace out, seaside!

All right, I'm out. Bye.

All: bye. Love you.

♪ It's not over, no ♪

♪ It's not over ♪

♪ It's not over ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

Damn, seaside.

Good-bye, I'm gonna miss ya,

And thanks for everything, for real.

♪ It's not over ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪