06x12 - Raining Men & Meatballs

[bunniefuu]

Jionni, I think you should do more things with nicole.

I feel like he's not taking care of my girl,

And he needs to acknowledge the fact

That we're noticing he's not around.

I definitely feel like you and deena

Should just bullshit like we are right now.

So maybe I'll do, like,

Meatball auditions with her one day.

Everybody makes it seem like, you know...

Jenni was, like, saying that, like...

I don't why it became a big conversation.

She's the one that put it in everybody's head.

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Aw, go on, you're calling me at home ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't listen ♪

♪ To anything that you're saying anymore ♪

[Dialing phone number]

[Phone ringing]

Hello? Hi.

Hey, babe. How are you?

Um, I definitely don't want to fight with you

Because it's not our problem,

But jionni hit me up last night and then this morning.

I guess he went out with the boys last night.

And everybody is pointing the finger at you

For creating this issue with jionni never being around.

Why didn't he tell me, instead of being a b*tch

And telling everyone else besides me

That he has a f*cking problem with me?

All the boys pointed the finger at you,

Saying you're the one stirring the pot.

Mike.

That's the terminology that was used.

What? Come here!

I love the fact that the boys

Legitimately have been talking sh*t,

Yet they're at the cigar lounge, saying that.

I'm the one that's stating this.

No, bro, you bad.

Were the boys saying

That I was the one stirring the pot last night?

We did say that you got him kind of good at dinner.

You know what I mean? Like...

He said we got him kind of good at dinner,

Which is exactly what I'm admitting to.

What the f*ck do you mean, he's pissed at me? Great.

Now I have to call him

And figure out why the f*ck he's talking sh*t.

Call him up right now. Get to the bottom of it.

Let me know.

Love you.

Love you. Bye. Bye.

What the f*ck is going on?

Jionni said you guys said

That I was talking sh*t about him in the house.

Is that true? What?

He said that all four of you guys

Were saying that I was talking sh*t about him.

No, the only thing that we said...

And he was there when you said it.

I called it out. I called him out on it.

You called him out.

He told roger that you guys said that I'm instigating

To say that he has a bad relationship with nicole.

No, we just said that he...

We said that he was never around.

He hasn't been around. And then, I don't know.

And then I have to hear it from f*ck' roger.

Now let's hear this version.

Who are you calling? Jionni? Uh-huh.

Oh, god.

[Phone rings]

Hello? We have to talk.

All right.

I woke up, and I call roger,

And he's saying that you're blaming everything on me

And that the boys were talking sh*t last night.

The guys heard it from you.

They weren't sure if it was true,

And that's pretty much what the whole f*ck' sit down,

Whatever they wanted to call it last night was about.

It came from me, yes, that night, at the dinner,

When I might have handled it wrong.

That's all... That's all the guys said, though.

Busted big time. Trouble.

But that offended me,

When this whole conversation came out,

That you were talking sh*t.

We have not seen you, and nicole was not happy

The first couple of weeks, being here.

I've been here every single weekend.

Okay, two or three times a week since I've been here.

We all didn't know you were here.

You're looking out for your friend. I understand that.

Fair enough.

And I apologize for bringing it the wrong way.

I never heard that you were here this many days.

Nicole doesn't tell us this.

We don't see you around, so we're assuming the worst.

But, whatever. I'm gonna let it go.

Thank you. I'm glad you called.

All right. I love you. Love you too, jionni.

All right, bye. Bye.

Oh, yeah!

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

What are we doing tomorrow?

Me and nicole are gonna- they're doing meatball day.

Somebody come learn

How to do ballroom dancing with me this week?

I will. I want to go.

Yeah, I'll come and do some... Some sh*t.

Oh, yeah. You know how, right?

Yeah. I want to do that sh*t.

Yeah, I can do simple athletics,

But when it comes to rhythm, I have to be taught,

You know, for, like, a week or two at least.

And you ended up becoming a stripper?

[Laughter]

I was a stripper through college. I was.

I started stripping probably when I was, uh, ,

And it was probably the laziest job that I could pick

Where that I could use the looks that I had at the time,

And it worked out.

How much was a handy? Wait, to boys?

How long did it take for the guy to come?

To boys? No, girls.

What if a boy was gonna pay you? Would you do it?

No. 'Cause that's your job?

No, I just served the drinks,

And if the girl thought you were hot,

She'd be like, you know, can- you know, can I get a massage?

Massages were $, lap dances were $.

You would give a lap dance?

I did give a good lap dance.

Can you show us? Show us.

Do it. No.

Come on, do it. Come on. Do it, do it, do it.

Mike said he used to be a stripper,

So show us what you got.

Do the dance to jenni. Why me?

No, no, no, no, no.

Yo, roger's gonna whip my a*s, yo.

Come on, bro. You want stripper... Guy stripper music?

♪ Meh meh meh meh meh ♪ [beatboxing]

Hey, yeah, that's perfect. ♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪

♪ ♪

[Laughter]

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

I'm all ready and fresh to go.

I'm getting ready for karma, and chris is coming out tonight,

So I want to look really hot and sexy.

We can go, ron. Yeah. Come on, sam.

I'm ready.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hello, babe. Hey there.

What up? What up?

♪ One, two, three, four ♪ ♪ let's go ♪

♪ Hands up ♪

♪ Let's go ♪ ♪ hands up, hands up ♪

♪ Whoa, let's go ♪

I wanna smack your a*s, but I'm not gonna do it!

Ah! Oh, my god, you look so pretty.

So do you. That's hot.

Paula is wearing a skin-tight dress,

And you can see her underwear through it.

I'm awkwardly tall right now.

I think she's trying a little too hard right now.

I mean, she's trying to make a statement.

I don't know what if statement means

Growing up to be prom queen,

But, uh, yeah, mike's gonna notice her.

I don't know if it's gonna be a good notice or a bad.

Casual night at karma. It is.

I didn't get the memo. Obviously not.

[Overlapping chatter]

I just wanted to come say hi!

Oh, there's your boy.

You look nice.

I tried.

I wanted to say hi. I'll let you get to your sh*t.

Do whatever you want.

I probably am going to be hanging out with them two,

But yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying? But, yeah.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm not gonna be up your a*s at all.

It's kind of weird

That paula's stalking mike right now at this club.

I mean, I deal with stalkers all the time,

But not ex-girlfriend stalkers.

That's a whole nother level.

Gotta get a drink.

Yeah, you want a drink? All right, let's go.

[Dance music]

♪ I like them girls who just wanna have fun ♪

♪ Have fun, have fun ♪

I think paula's trying to show mike,

Like, look what you're missing.

'Cause he's downgrade dancing, going with grenades,

And then there's paula, looking hot as sh*t.

Like, "here I am."

[Dance music]

I have to bother you, 'cause I know you're busy,

But you're hot, though.

[Laughter]

That was good! That was f*cking good!

♪ ♪

Hey, you missed out on a great time tonight!

Really?

Really! Really, really, really.

Really? What's your name?

Lauren.

She tells me, "listen,

You just missed out on the f*ck of your life,"

And that's your game, girl,

Because my game is all of this.

♪ ♪

Whoa, in that case, girl.

♪ ♪

You want to chill tonight, girl,

You just let me know what's up!

You know what I'm saying?

You come over later,

And I will do you real good!

♪ ♪

That's enough! Don't talk to me!

♪ ♪

[Bedsprings creaking]

[Laughs] that's my boy.

That's my boy.

I think this is what you do, and then you pull it up. See?

Let me try it. Dee, how do you do this?

This thing is a little more complicated

Than I thought it would be.

You're good. Oh.

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

How 'bout you come over later,

And I will do you real good!

All right? All right. Let me know.

That's enough! Don't talk to me!

What the f*ck? I should go.

I didn't do anything.

That girl was hitting on me. That was it.

I will do you real good!

She was hitting on me.

She looked like she was making out with you, mike!

No! She didn't.

Right now, my ex-girlfriend's trying to c*ck block me,

And, at the same time, you're my ex-girlfriend.

We're just friends right now.

I'm allowed to flirt with other girls.

You're lying. No, no, no. I got this.

I got this, I got this.

I didn't make out with her. No, no, no.

Girls hit on me a lot. I know that, mike. I know.

At the end of the day, who are you thinking about?

That's all I care about.

I obviously care about you

More than anybody else in this club.

Okay?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

I didn't mean to upset myself.

I lost it. I'm only human. Do what you gotta do.

The girl was hitting on me.

Are you mad at me? No.

I'm going to go have a drink because they're closing soon.

All right, I'll see you in a couple minutes.

Paula leaves. I'm like, coast is clear.

Time for the hunt again.

Girl, are these things real, girl?

Yeah! Right now, I'm sober,

Clear-headed, and extremely good looking.

Can't beat that, girl.

A question... Yo, are you dtf? What?

Are you dtf? If you are...

Maybe. All right, cool.

I see mike with this, like,

Slashed, wasted girl.

Her t*ts are actually bouncing all over the place.

I wouldn't be surprised

If any one of the n*pples is shown any time soon.

[Overlapping chatter]

Your friend's there.

Where are we going?

We could be going somewhere, uh...

[Overlapping chatter]

Why? She's dtf.

Don't you f*ck her!

So mike wants to leave right now with a random,

And he's being really weird about it.

Mike, can we go now?

I just don't like it,

'Cause I can see paula watching him,

And he's just being, like, sneaky dickens.

Oh!

Hey.

Oh, boy!

That's why!

[Laughs]

What? I'm not doing anything!

I come from a long line of ninjas, you feel me?

But then again, the ninja skills

Were probably a little off,

'Cause I didn't see her come out of nowhere.

That's okay, sweetheart.

You won't see the sunlight, anyways.

[Laughter]

That was... See you tomorrow.

One of my t*ts came out.

Let's go, let's go. Ready? Let's get out of here.

Hey, can you stop leaving me?

This way.

I hate to bother you, because I know you're busy,

But if you could stop leaving me.

When you get a second.

So, I'm putting in mad work right now.

I'm going mad hard with this chick.

I haven't really brought any girls home yet,

And I need to get it in.

I'm backed up. [Laughs]

♪ So many times I've met a special friend ♪

♪ Making memories, wishing this night would never end ♪

Ooh. Hey, babe.

Whoa! Oh!

Yeah! Yeah, buddy!

Yeah, buddy! Touchdown!

Yeah, buddy! Yes! t*tties! Whoo!

That's how you... That's how you catch something, sir.

That's how you catch something.

Right? Okay?

Whoo!

This dtf chick jennifer is way too sloppy,

And I'm gonna have to send her on her way.

All right, go do your thing and come back, all right?

I'll be waiting.

Oh, my feet were k*lling me. Thank you, baby.

This is my house. That's my duck phone.

This is my blue ba*ls. This is sam.

We're gonna go lay down.

It's been three weeks, and the boy hasn't gotten laid.

Like, he needs to just get it in,

Get it over with, and then get her out.

[Rock music]

♪ I met a girl ♪

♪ ♪

♪ She's not my girlfriend ♪

♪ ♪

♪ She's all alone ♪

Good night. Love you all.

Good night. See ya.

♪ In the city she roams ♪

♪ She'll find another one ♪

♪ Round, round, round she go, she go ♪

♪ She get around, round, round she go, she go, she go ♪

Me and chris are laying in bed,

And we hear, like, the bed, just banging on the floor,

And chris is like, "is someone hammering something upstairs?"

And I'm thinking to myself, "yeah, I guess,

I guess something's getting hammered upstairs."

♪ Round she go, she go, she go ♪

♪ Around, round, round ♪

That's my boy. That's my boy.

♪ When the lights go down ♪

That's it? That's it?

Get my pants. Wait, let me get 'em.

The girl's a cool chick. That was great.

We ended up exchanging numbers and, um,

I don't know, maybe I'll hit her up.

Be careful.

Whew!

Merp!

I cannot believe these girls are doing what I tell them to.

I'm going to f*cking pee myself!

What are we doing tonight? I thought mike was stripping.

Yo.

Just listen to a song and strip.

What? What? Yo.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Meatball day.

We are having meatball auditions.

Meatball tryouts.

Oh, there's gonna be

A lot of good people we can f*ck with today.

Meatball olympics.

I think everyone this year

Is definitely trying to be meatballs,

Just because it's fun to, like, be drunk and party

And not give a sh*t,

But no one has actually auditioned to be a meatball,

And I feel like I should be the judge for meatball day,

Because I'm the original party girl in the house.

Come on now, you f*cking bike!

They shouldn't be able to ride bikes in the streets.

♪ ♪

[Electronic tones]

Should we give them prizes? Yeah.

Before we do the meatball auditions,

Me and deena need to get, like, fun stuff.

Party sash?

And then, also, whoever wins,

We want to make them feel like a meatball winner.

[Horn music]

Attention, everyone.

Meatball time. Olympics!

Perfect. We have to work on our speech.

Yeah, that wasn't very good.

We bought everything we need

To kind of just eliminate the weak sauces

And it's just gonna show, like, the real meatballs.

I think we're good.

This is gonna be fun.

Thanks, guys. Bye. Thank you.

Have fun. All right, let's do this.

[Electronic tones]

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Should we go to the beach bar or beachcomber?

Beach bar. Okay.

It's air conditioned there. Oh, really?

♪ ♪

Thank you.

This is a date for me and ron

To just spend some time together,

Because even though we live together,

I think this is, like, just us being alone

And really enjoying each other's time together.

This is my... Oh! [Laughs]

Me and sam, I feel like we've grown up, we've matured,

And I feel like that we finally

Have a connection with each other,

Where it's a feeling of comfortableness.

It's a feeling of wanting to be with each other.

I told my dad to have the guy that found my place

To start looking for us.

Like, apartments?

Do you want to live in an apartment or in a condo?

Like, a condo together. I like that.

Uh, with sam,

It's definitely sh*t or get off the pot at this point,

So now we've got to go home

And find a place to move in together.

Remember when she just had her kid last year?

Really cute. Beautiful baby.

Like, in ten, five years, ten years,

We would have a baby.

[Laughs]

What if you have a girl?

I'm pushing it back in.

[Laughter]

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Meatball auditions.

[Horn music]

These are our rules.

Meatball day!

Shots [indistinct] without throwing up.

And then, after, you have to hiss.

[Both hiss]

Do you want to bring that funnel that we have here?

Yeah. We'll just wash it out.

Body shot with an old man. Mm-hmm. With a mustache.

What else did we get? This hat.

Wear a hat, beard, and clown shoes, and wand somebody.

Mm-hmm.

Can you carry one bag? Yep.

This is a big day.

It's gonna be a good time.

Let's do this.

[Horn honking]

If you want to be a meatball, and you're and over,

Come to ej's.

'Cause I'm knocked up.

I really don't care if people are looking at us

And thinking we're crazy, because we probably are,

But honestly, like, this is important.

We need to find a meatball.

[Horn music]

Do you want to try out to be a meatball?

Try what? Try out to be a meatball?

What do you have to do? Crazy sh*t.

Yeah, crazy stuff. No. Our kids are here.

All right. Boo.

Do you want to try out to be a meatball?

I'm too sweet. Whatever.

We'll do it.

There's some crazy stuff you have to do.

Okay. That's fine. Whoo! All right!

Come on. Come on back.

Let the games begin.

All right, ready?

One, two, three. [Horn honks]

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Whoo! That's it! Whoo!

You two hiss!

So my favorite task is up next.

I'm going to go find an old man.

I find this old man that's gross,

So the girls can take body shots off of him.

Take the shot and then lick the salt off his neck

And then take the lemon out of his mouth.

Oh, whatever. Action. I want the action.

This is our guy.

[Cheering]

They're not creeped out at all.

They're, like, ready for it. They can't wait.

So, I'm actually really, really surprised.

Oh! Oh, my god!

It's salt. I know.

[Laughter]

That's for everyone. It's for everyone.

Okay.

That's salt for all of us.

And take it out of his mouth.

I have to take it. Eeh!

[Laughter]

I'm just thinking, ew, I wonder what it tastes like.

It probably tastes like sweat and [bleep]

And just, like, gross things.

And, at this point, I wouldn't be able to do that.

Which one do you want to do? Um...

Should we do the beard and the clown?

Yeah.

Now the remaining meatballs have to go and wand somebody

And say, "merp."

All right, go wand someone.

[Whistle blows]

[Laughter]

Merp!

[Laughter]

I cannot believe these girls are doing what I tell them to.

[Laughter]

And I'm just like, oh, my god, they're like my pets.

I'm going to pee myself. Dude, she loves it.

[Laughter]

Get your hat!

I'm going to pee myself.

[Dance music]

vag*na!

This is our last weekend to go out,

And we want to just k*ll it.

[Upbeat music]

Whoo!

[Laughter]

I have to find someone.

Oh! Whoo!

[Laughter] she fell!

[Laughter]

Oh, my god, she fell!

At this point, everyone's putting on the clown shoes.

They're falling, they're laughing,

They're going crazy,

And me and deena are just dying laughing,

Because these girls are actually owning it right now.

Deena, get up!

This is hysterical!

Now it's time for me and nicole to choose our meatball winner,

And we're down to the final three...

The belize girl, the sicilian girl, and scotland.

All right, we picked a winner. Okay.

Both: and the winner is...

All of you! All of you!

[Cheering]

Oh, my god! That's awesome!

Deena, it's, like, :.

Oh, I'm good.

So, I say good-bye to deena.

I'm like, "I love you.

"I'm so happy I found your girls.

"But please don't get arrested.

Have fun. I'm out of here."

Take a shot for lorenzo.

I will! [Cheering]

Are you ready to get your a*s whipped in mini golf?

Sure. Okay.

If you think you can. That's all I wanted to know.

I'm gonna let you know, though, I am competitive.

Ask deena.

I'm gonna let you know,

I let you win on our first date.

This isn't our first date anymore.

I just remember a lot.

Like, I beat him at mini golf,

And he says he let me win,

But I really beat him, so I want to win

And beat ron's a*s in mini golf that much more.

Let me show you how it's done. Oh, okay.

I'll show you how it's done.

Whoa. Holy sh*t.

Wow. Two for you.

Yes!

Keep talking sh*t.

[Laughs]

Keep talking sh*t.

Come on.

f*ck, like, why didn't that ball

Just f*ck' go in the hole?

[Upbeat music]

Get... Get the f*ck out!

That is how you do it, right there.

What the hell?

Now you believe me that I let you win the first day?

You're not good at mini golf, sam.

I just let you win. I love you.

I'm gonna go with you lost.

♪ Don't you know I love you ♪

♪ Just the way you are? ♪

♪ We don't need to change ♪

♪ Just turn and face the strangeness ♪

♪ We were make believe... ♪

♪ ♪

Today was perfect.

Thanks for spending it with me.

You're welcome. I had fun.

[Overlapping shouting]

Whoo!

Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it!

Oh, oh, oh!

All of a sudden now, girls are coming up to us,

Like, "we want to be a meatball, we want to be a meatball,"

And I'm like, "see? I knew meatballs were cool."

Who wants to come to the club with me?

I do. With the boys.

Me. Right here. High five.

So, I decide, I'm gonna bring home the meatballs.

They're gonna come out with us.

All right, let's go home. Come on.

I love you, scotland. I really do.

Did the meatball get back yet?

No. We haven't heard from her?

No. Uh-oh.

I hope she didn't get her a*s hurt.

I'm starting to worry.

I was actually about to, like,

See if I could go find her.

Yo, the boardwalk is popping. I know.

Poppin'. Here she is.

Hey, I brought back friends.

I was just asking about you.

Oh, these are the meatballs. Meatballs!

I brought home meatballs.

Holy sh*t.

These girls actually made it through meatball day?

Like, there is more meatballs out there?

I'm, like, scared for the world.

Shyla, introduce. Hi, I'm erin.

Hi, erin. Hi, I'm vinny.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'm erin.

This is scotland. She stayed!

Nobody else stayed besides scotland, nicole.

[Scottish accent] I'm trying very hard.

Oh, my god.

Are you laughing at my accent?

Hold it.

Pauly and ron: [scottish accent] I tried very hard.

[Rolling "r" s]

Like, she was, like, this a lot.

[Rolling "r" s]

Her accent was just, like, off the wall.

[Scottish accent] I tried my best!

That sounds indian. What the hell are you?

[Laughter]

Oh! Oh!

You just got punk'd.

[Laughter]

What the f*ck is going on here?

They're meatballs.

Come on, mike. Join the party.

It's like a meatball convention.

It sure is.

I walk downstairs, and I see a number of strangers, okay?

That are horizontally gifted.

And therefore, I must get fresh,

And I must take a shower, and I need to look good.

Are you guys going out tonight?

Yeah. They're coming out with us.

I'm gonna give them my dresses,

And we're gonna do it.

Oh, it's like that. Yeah.

Oh.

I'm a little annoyed at deena

Bringing these chicks into the house

And saying that they're coming with us to merge.

Like, this is our last weekend out with the roommates.

Why are you gonna bring these three strangers with you?

Ooh!

[Laughs] it's meatballs.

I don't know who these people are.

This is scotland.

Hello. Oh, we're hugging?

And they are freaky and wasted looking.

I'm so f*cked up right now. Good. Keep it going.

I don't know what the f*ck is going on.

Keep it going. It's our last weekend.

I think I'll make it a bad time if I go out with them,

So I should probably go to bed.

Dee, you just need time.

Just let some time pass. You'll be okay.

What are you laughing at, scotland?

[Laughter]

"Time pass"? Really? "Time pass"? Come on.

It's an embarrassment, to be honest.

[Laughter]

No, biatch. Don't even.

"Time pass"? Come on. Come on, really?

The scottish one is f*ck' with me.

The scottish one is starting with me.

Do you believe that f*ck' scottish b*tch?

Tonight is gonna be an interesting night.

Here, love. This is yours.

Thank you.

Here, scot. Scot.

It's really sexy, though.

Here. Yeah, I'm gonna try it on.

Whose clothes are this? What do they look like?

I'm gonna let you know I am ocd, and I will flip out.

Listen, it's one thing to have the normal meatballs

Use my sh*t.

Deena uses my f*ck' hair straightener every day,

And it agitates me.

Go in the bathroom and get dressed.

But it's a whole nother level

When they're meatballs that I don't even know

Using my sh*t.

Too many meatballs for you?

Yeah.

[Laughs]

These meatballs,

You have no idea who you're f*cking with.

Thanks for letting me use your stuff.

[Mouthing]

Hands behind your back. That takes care of it.

Deena, hit the lights, please.

Why am I handcuffed?

How many f*ck'- oh!

[Upbeat music]

I think it's hot. This is not hot.

I gotta change right now.

Hi. Hi.

[Spraying]

Turn this way.

[Stammers] dee, turn your head this way.

So f*cked up. Just stay right there. Dee!

Stop moving. I gotta get this side.

Wow, I must look really drunk.

Hey! Hey, you can get a little bit closer.

It's not that embarrassing. Mm-mmm.

No? Okay. All right. Hi.

Hi. It's really embarrassing.

Oh, oh, oh, look at her. Aw-ooh! [Wolf whistle]

See, even I want to f*ck her.

I'd be, like, f*ck' in there, no?

You guys have no game. No game.

Scotland is annoying 'cause she talks too damn much.

You look like my uncle gilbert.

I look like your uncle? Mm-hmm.

[Laughs]

Yo, we gotta go. Cabs are leaving.

Yes. Come on.

All right, let's go.

[Scottish accent] I gotta take a wicked crap.

A cr-r-r-rap.

I love you. Have fun.

I'm gonna kick his a*s.

[Scottish accent] jenni, we're leaving.

Do they have dentists in your village?

Yes. No, we have no teeth.

We've got no teeth, we've got yellow, black, yeah.

Oh, my stomach hurts.

[Groans]

Uh, excuse me.

I'm actually not jealous I'm not going out.

I think I'm getting used to this.

It's all good.

But once lorenzo pops out... [Sighs]

It's my turn.

Whoo!

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

Yo! Vinny's getting white-girl wasted tonight.

Yeah, buddy! I'm taking advantage of him.

♪ ♪

Merge tonight is off the wall.

The deejay is k*lling it.

We're all having a good time.

It's a good crowd.

I'm a dancing maniac right now.

♪ ♪

See you.

Bye. I gotta go.

Thank god, the meatballs finally go home,

So now we can get the party going.

Yeah, buddy.

♪ ♪

♪ We are, we are the strong ♪

I am extremely attractive these days,

And females just flock to me like a bee to honey,

But there's a mass amount of grenades

And landmines everywhere.

We can go now.

Right now, I must do a total spin

And get away from this grenade.

♪ ♪

We're having this sick, amazing dance party.

We're all, like, dancing with one another,

Letting loose, having fun.

Like, this is our last weekend to go out,

And we want to just k*ll it.

vag*na!

♪ ♪

It was a long f*ck' night,

And I had the best time ever.

Bye! Thank you!

But deena's so drunk, she could actually,

Like, severely injure herself,

So we're all going back to the house,

And I can't wait to crash.

♪ We're young and never leaving ♪

♪ You've proven it's all right ♪

♪ Don't spend all your time ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

It was like a legit meatball day.

Nobody got arrested. It was all fun.

Now, let me sleep and make a new day tomorrow.

I'm just going to bed.

I'm walking you to your bed. Let's go.

I'm fine.

Here's your bed. [Grunts]

Thank you, jay!

[Groans]

Good night, tina.

Whatever.

Hoo-yo.

♪ When the sun come out ♪

♪ The night illuminates ♪

♪ All is on the ruh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-un ♪

♪ All is on the run ♪

Hello?

It's definitely bittersweet

That the summer's coming to an end.

I just want to spend as much time with my roommates,

And, you know, just legit having fun.

What do you guys want to do next week?

I have an idea.

Let's have a bonfire on the beach.

Yo, word. That's for real. Yay!

Let's do it. I've never done that.

I've never even done that in my life.

We're not just eight people

Sharing a drunken vacation with each other.

Can we bring our friends? Hell, yeah.

We are a family that shared the craziest experience

That any shore house ever experienced in the world.

Yo, can we have s'mores? Hell, yeah.

We're not finished rockin'.

We're gonna party one last f*cking time

And go out like true motherfuckin' champions.

Should I invite paula? Oh, my god.

If you invite paula, I'm not going.

[Laughter, chatter]

Bro, sh*t or get off the f*ck' pot.

[Laughter]

Oh, my god. Ron's being so bad.

♪ ♪

Oh! Aah!

I never thought in a million years,

Mike would be pressing himself on me like this.

Aah!

♪ ♪

[Upbeat music]

Mike, we're leaving! Let's go!

We're leaving!

What's for dinner? Chicken.

Are you cooking? Yeah.

Really? That's weird.

This sunday dinner is extremely important.

Like, this is our last sunday dinner in this house.

How crazy is that?

Could you open this for me?

I think this is what you do,

And then you pull it up, right?

Let me try it.

If you... Pull.

This thing is a little more complicated

Than I thought it would be.

Dee, how do you do this?

This? Mm-hmm.

You're good at this.

Good.

Oh!

Do that again.

I think this one is just f*ck' weird.

Thanks, dee.

They say I don't contribute in this house.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Oh, my goodness.

Do I smell a home-cooked meal?

Oh! There's more than one female in the kitchen. Holy sh*t.

Shut up.

What does mvp do? They do gtl all day.

Whoo! Congratulations. You can gym, tan, and laundry.

Please.

Thank you.

Places, people.

Take the chicken out.

Ooh, this is hot.

All right, dig in.

Ooh! Ooh!

Nicely done, you guys. Nice.

Thanks, ron and sam. Thanks, guys.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks, rammy.

Is this our last sunday dinner?

I think so. Aw!

What'd you think of the potatoes?

Bangin'.

Dinner turned out great.

I thought me and sam were the worst cooks,

And now I'm definitely the worst cook in the house.

What are we doing tonight?

I thought mike was stripping.

Yo, what? What? Yo.

You just listen to a song and strip.

Oh, I understand, but i...

It's like riding a bike. You never forget.

If there was a couple extra days,

I would have time to put together a routine,

Listen to the music, like, two hours a night,

And then do it a day later.

Two hours a night? For two days.

I'll tell you what to do.

It ain't gonna be, like, "do that. That looks good.

That don't look good." Okay, okay.

If somebody gets out some music,

I'm sure then you could give me a routine and I'll do it.

Oh, yay. Word.

I don't want to see mike strip,

But at the same time, it might be such a disaster,

It might actually be interesting.

You've got that sh*t down pat.

You know what I'm saying? [Laughter]

Ew!

All right, mike.

Let's go practice this routine upstairs.

The funniest thing about it is, he can't dance for sh*t.

He's probably the worst dancer in the house.

He's gonna do a strip dance? [Laughs]

Here. Here's what we do.

I think you should come out of the fog or the bubbles.

Mm-hmm. [Laughs]

That'd be f*ck' dope.

No one cares about the stripping.

The stripping, you just take off your clothes.

Yep.

And get on top of the girl.

It's all about the presentation,

What the storyline is.

Like, you know, you're a cop.

I's got this. I'm a ghetto boxer, you feel me?

Vito durata.

Dorado. Vito dorado.

Vito dorado was derived

From the first pet that I've ever had,

Which his name was vito,

And the street name that I lived on, which is dorado.

You put 'em together, and you've got vito dorado,

A recipe to shake it.

Put that one on the floor.

It takes a lot to turn this place into a strip club,

But we're going all out.

Five $s. $, Kid.

We're messing with the lights,

We've got a fog machine, a bubble machine.

Whoo!

And I'm on the turntables,

And then mike has to do the rest.

I'm gonna handcuff jenni to the chair.

Ooh! Why do you have those, you freaks?

Ron, all of a sudden, whips out handcuffs for jenni,

And we were saving those because me and ron, like,

You know, we like to have fun in the bedroom.

Come on, jenni. Like, right this second?

Yep. [Laughs]

I am the unlucky one,

Because none of the girls would step up to the plate,

So I am taking one for the team.

Hands behind your back. Right there is about it.

You good? Why am I handcuffed?

Deena, hit the lights, please.

How many f*ck'- oh!

The time has finally come. Mike is going to strip.

Let's make it rain!

[Rock music]

The mental checklist that I'm going through right now

Is like, abs, check.

Okay, green eyes. Double check.

Okay, biceps. Like, almost s. Check.

It's go time.

Oh, my god. Why can't I see you guys?

Pauly, go.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado,

We have a special guest in the building tonight.

I feel like this is karma!

Make way to the main stage, vito dorado!

[Cheering]

There's more{\i} jersey shore{\i} on the way,

And it starts right now.

[Rock music]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have vito dorado!

[Cheering]

Oh, my god. Whoo!

[Dance music]

Whoo! Whoo!

Turn on back the lights! No, leave 'em off.

Oh, my god. Mike is actually going to strip.

♪ ♪

Give it to me! Yeah, mike!

[Laughter]

Hey, guys, don't be afraid to tip him.

Don't be afraid to tip him.

♪ ♪

[Laughter]

♪ ♪

Mike actually is the worst stripper

I've ever seen in my life.

♪ ♪

[Laughter]

♪ ♪

I never thought in a million years,

Mike would be thrusting himself on me like this,

But overall, mike's striptease was hysterical.

♪ ♪

Oh!

Mike!

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Are you actually doing pushups on me right now?

[Laughter]

Mike really has no moves,

And I'm starting not to believe

That mike used to do this for a living.

If he did this for a living,

He would at least be decent at it.

Let's go! Start the trousers. Go, go!

Take off your pants!

[Laughter]

Ew!

Don't make me fall backwards!

Lap dances are $, massages are $.

[Laughs]

And whatever else you can think of,

Let me know what's up.

Get up, girl. Wait, what are you doing?

Aah!

♪ ♪

[Laughter]

Dude, watch out!

Don't get slapped in the face with a camel toe.

♪ ♪

[Laughter] aah!

If I was jenni, and mike's face was in my crotch,

I'd probably fart on his face.

But, at the same time, I'm proud

That he actually did it, and, you know,

It was a good effort.

Aah!

[Laughter]

Vito dorado!

[Cheering]