I never said I hate you.
I just don't want to be friends with you.
Are you gonna be that cold?
Forever?
Yeah.
We all like chris, we think he's a good guy,
And we think that you're blowing it.
It's bullshit. She needs to, like, lay off.
My roommates keep saying
That I'm too clingy to you and I'm smothering you.
Do you feel like that?
No.
I'm gonna go get this. [Groans]
I am not used to having a girlfriend.
And I'm not used to what paula's doing...
[Groans]
And I don't know if I can continue.
I think I bit off more than I can swallow.
Dj pauly delvecchio!
I'm going to the jersey shore, b*tch!
All right, we got a situation.
I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.
[Laughing]
After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go vinny! Go vinny!
You like the boobs?
♪ If you wanna have fun and do something crazy ♪
Just straighten that out. There you go.
[Belches]
Ronnie's here. Hey, how you doin'?
Not feelin' work today.
You wanna go play games?
I mean, we gotta see what danny wants to do.
I work my a*s off in that store.
I don't take breaks.
Their whole shift is one big break.
Danny.
, Dude. We'll get half.
She's like, "can we go play games?"
I'm like, "let me see what danny wants to do."
So are we pulling a meatball or what?
All right.
Turn it sideways. Do a little meatball.
This?
There we go. You got it, brother.
What are they doing?
They're being me and you.
Excuse me.
Okay!
You wish you were us.
You can't get away with it.
Have fun at work!
Should we go chase them?
Let 'em live.
[Dial tone]
[Dialing]
[Line trilling]
Hello? What up, baby sis?
Hey, boozy, what are you doing?
Nothing. Calling to say hello.
Hey. What's going on?
Nothing, um...
How's paula?
Well, I've known her for three summers.
You know what I'm saying? Right.
And as soon as I gave the title,
You know, "you're my girlfriend,"
She kind of switched the game up on me
And, you know, started becoming
A little bit more rambunctious.
The dolphin is when you try to put it in a girl's butt
And she goes, "eh-eh, eh-eh."
Oh, my god. What the hell?
Oh, long johnson. Oh, my god.
What the...
She's screaming "thug life" in the middle of...
No! Yes, yes.
Listen, you want someone very classy.
Yes.
I want a very hot-looking girly girl.
Yeah, what happens if I hit her
With the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" one?
No. Don't do that?
No.
Say, like, you know,
"The reason why i, you know, I asked you
"To be my girlfriend is because
I liked how you were, you know?"
Yes. "I liked the person you were.
I liked the... I liked the girl you were."
Oh, I like it. Have you done this before?
Have you done this before?
I definitely think that my sister is giving me
Good advice right now,
'Cause if anything, I kind of want like a girl
Like my sister or my mother, you know?
Um, well, you know, I'm gonna have
To break it to her probably tomorrow.
Yeah. All right.
I'm going to handle this very graciously.
Bye.
[Thunder rumbles]
[Thunder rumbles]
That was some freakin' loud-a*s thunder.
Oh, look. It's starting to rain.
Ha ha! Losers!
Cheers to a... All right.
Both: spaghetti day. [Laughter]
[Thunder rumbles]
[Cheering]
Yeah!
The shore store's in chaos.
[Thunder rumbles]
[Both scream]
This storm is just comin' in.
I'm like, "oh, my god.
We're gonna have a freakin' tornado."
[Thunder rumbles]
Holy crap! It really is a freakin' tornado!
Hey, nick! Get the mannequins! Nick!
[Thunder rumbles] oh, my god!
I'm f*cking getting out of here!
f*ck!
I would love to have vin at the wedding,
But definitely not mike.
Like, go f*ck yourself.
Mike's clearly not invited.
He doesn't exist.
Jionni.
He doesn't even have to be around his kid
While his girlfriend's pregnant.
Roger's around, chris is around,
But it's, like, where's jionni?
What... He can only sleep over one night?
He can't come during the day
And spend time with his wife?
Deena, where are you?
Holy crap.
Holy crap!
It really is a freakin' tornado!
Nick! Bring the mannequins in!
[Gasps] bring the mannequins in!
Oh, my god! I'm f*cking getting out of here!
f*ck this! No, you gotta stay.
D, calm down. No!
Relax. It's rain.
[Thunder rumbles]
Thanks, guys. See ya.
See you later.
♪ Won't you help me? ♪
♪ Help me? ♪
♪ Help me? ♪
♪ 'Cause I found it, found it, found it ♪
♪ ♪
I'll be honest.
I don't know if I can take the "thug life" anymore,
Or "the shocker."
I might be pulling chute soon.
Last night, "I'm spontaneous"?
The whole night, I'm like, "I can't take this."
I know. I seen it in your face.
"I can't take this." I'm, like...
And then I don't want to say "stop."
I just let it go. I know.
And then she just ripped it.
And I was, like- and you might think,
All the hints that you've given her so far,
That she would calm it down, but she doesn't.
She has no shame in her game. I give her a lot, don't i?
She got no shame.
Don't I give her a lot of hints?
But you got to kind of respect that though.
I get that he respects her,
But he still doesn't have to like it.
And I don't see you with someone like that.
Yeah. I see you with the opposite.
Somebody like your sister. Yeah.
Not like that. I said the same thing today.
It's starting- it's starting to turn me off.
Like, it's starting to be like... Oh, here it goes.
It's done. Over. I-i-i called that.
I'm just telling you 'cause you guys are...
You guys are like my brothers. I'm being honest.
Well, you need to talk about it.
If you can't talk about it with us,
Who can you talk it to about? Once the sexual...
Once the sexual thing is gone, it's done.
All right, so we gotta talk about making another shirt now.
"Let's make it unofficial."
[Laughter]
Since mike asked paula out with a t-shirt,
It's only right that he breaks up with her with a t-shirt.
Damn, so now the next step is
Thinking about how the hell you're gonna break it to her.
I know, I know. Just be honest, man.
I am gonna be honest, but I have to do it...
When and where and how?
Exactly. When and how. I would just text her.
[Laughter]
I think you should still
Do it over the phone, probably.
Do it over the phone? Yeah.
Because then you don't have to see her face.
Nah, that's not right over the phone.
Aw, dude, I think you do it over the phone, dude.
Hell yeah.
I definitely wanna break up with paula,
You know, in a really smooth and easy way
Because I'd like to still hit it.
"Listen, girl, it's not me. It's you.
Can I still hit it?"
[Chuckles]
Are you playing this?
Nah, this game doesn't work.
The score doesn't keep.
I just whupped his a*s. It didn't keep track.
Oh, my god. Whack.
Where you guys from? Toms river.
Both: right over the bridge.
This is my friend, mike. He's newly single.
Nice to meet you. I'm jenna.
How do you think he should break up with his girlfriend?
Not in a text message and not on the phone.
In my eyes, mike has been single
Since he's been here.
I don't care if he's had a relationship with paula.
That's not a relationship,
So me and pauly are already telling people
That mike is single.
Ask her to go meet you somewhere.
At work.
No, not at work.
This way, you have a time crunch.
It'll only take a few minutes.
Oh, that's true. That works.
Vinny and pauly are already telling chicks
And people that I'm breaking up with paula.
Listen, brah.
You know what I mean? This is a small town.
And sooner or later, this may get back to paula
And I didn't even tell her yet.
Nicole doesn't hang out with me or talk to me.
When she sees me, she thinks automatically
Of her drinking, climbing into bed with dudes.
I'm that memory. Yeah, you're right.
How's that feel? [Laughs]
Jionni. What's up?
: P.m., Rivoli's, baby shower.
If you f*cking tell her any of this, I will cut you.
♪ You say you ♪
♪ You got a lot to lose ♪
♪ You got a lot to learn ♪
So, mike, are you gonna break up with paula?
Yeah.
You made that decision? Yes.
Where are you gonna do it?
Pulling chute ten days later.
At her... At her work. That's awesome.
I just can't- I can't fake it anymore.
Like, she changed,
Ever since I gave her the title.
If you're gonna act like one of the boys,
I'm not gonna want to f*ck you no more.
It's the truth. Are you gonna tell her that?
No. [Laughs]
I think you should.
I'm gonna be like, "it's not you, it's me."
[Laughter]
How cliche. Yes.
Yeah, it is cliche, but I'm really...
I'm not gonna be a d*ck.
I don't get it. Paula's a little wild,
She says crazy things, and she's a little out there.
Then you have mike who's a little wild,
Says crazy things, and he's out there.
I mean, it looks like a perfect match.
He's gonna go use the restroom.
I'm gonna go get a drink.
See you in a few. See you in a little bit.
Thank you for coming with me. Oh, no problem.
I appreciate you not putting your two cents
Into my relationship, and that's good to say
Because sometimes you do that in relationships
In this house.
No, i, um-[stammering]
Me and you really get along.
Like, I look out for you like a little sister.
Like, I don't want anybody to go near you.
You know what I'm saying?
So I wouldn't say anything bad about you,
You know what I'm saying? No, yeah.
But paula will still be your friend?
Yes, of course. Good.
Because I just- I just...
Either "a," she's not ready for it,
"B," I'm not ready for it,
Or it's not the right time in our lives
Because she's acting weird right now.
I don't know what it is.
Well, you know her a lot better than...
She was great for three summers.
And all of a sudden, you get the title
And you f*ck up? Like, that's crazy.
Yeah, maybe just if you feel comfortable, end it,
And keep it how it was. Yeah.
I think maybe it's best for mike
To break up with paula
Because it seems like he's not happy
In his relationship,
And it might be best for both of them.
But I kind of feel bad for the girl.
She's gonna be really upset.
What do you want me to do?
Like, it's your fault, it's not mine.
I know I didn't change.
I'm the same f*cking person
You've known for three summers.
Probably a little bit better-looking,
More ripped,
And better dressed.
When are you breaking up with her?
Probably tomorrow.
Where we going? The beach bar?
Yeah. Are we gonna walk?
Drive? Drive.
Yeah. Drive?
What if we want to drink? [Chuckles]
Busted. Mike can't drink.
Well, yeah, I'm gonna- it's gonna be
A pretty cool accomplishment at the end
When I haven't had a drink or a cigarette the whole time.
It's gonna be pretty cool. Ah, hell yeah.
[Overlapping chatter]
More of a- more a cigarette than a drink,
'Cause you're not, like, a real big drinker.
Now we can cheers to it.
Yo, it's gonna be a whole 'nother rehab for you.
Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much, yeah.
You made it through this, you can make it through any...
Yeah. Hell yeah.
You didn't make it through a relationship,
But you made it through the house.
[Laughter] what?
So can we go to the break-up also?
Oh, god. Oh, I'm gonna be there.
That's for sure. The guys are gonna be there.
Yeah. G.t.b.
"Gym, tan, break up with paula."
"Let's make it unofficial, girl."
I got a ticket already.
Yo, let's go. Yo, who's driving?
Oh, you're driving, you're driving?
I can drive. Yeah. He can drive.
I'll tell you what, I had fun. A little beach.
I had a good day. We... All of us had fun.
♪ I can recall the blame ♪
Yeah. How much is a dozen?
.
I'll have a dozen. Okay.
[Laughs] very good.
I'll be right back with another ice tea
And pink lemonade.
Thank you. Thank you.
I'm definitely gonna toast when, you know,
Our last day here, for sure.
You know what I mean? 'Cause...
With alcohol?
No! No! Oh.
I meant like toast a f*cking drink,
'Cause it's gonna be a really big day for me.
So how do you feel, my dude?
Out of rehab. Days deep.
You feel good though? Yeah.
You look good.
Probably the best I've ever felt.
You know what I mean?
You know, when you fall on your face,
You kind of make a mistake, and you kind of remember?
And you learn from it?
So it's just, like, I feel like in a really good place.
You know what I mean?
It's gotta feel like an accomplishment.
Yeah. I feel very happy.
I have to definitely thank you guys,
Because if it wasn't for you guys,
I wouldn't be so comfortable,
And I wouldn't be able to do this.
Because I'm so comfortable around you guys,
I can tell you guys anything.
I can tell you what's on my mind
And not worry about anybody judging me, you know?
-{\I} salud{\i} to that. {\I}salud.{\I}
I'm feeling the best and healthiest I've been in...
In a long time, so I'm toasting up.
Mike, have you ever...
Are you gonna ever try and talk to nicole again?
That's on the priority list somewhere.
I do wanna apologize to her,
But i-i feel like- it would be...
Apologize for what though? What are you gonna say?
You don't need to apologize. You could just go talk to her,
Maybe just settle the air. You didn't do anything wrong.
You could settle the air. Well...
I might have brought it up
In the wrong place and wrong time.
And so that's all you apologize for.
That's it.
Or you just settle the air
And try to talk to her, that's it.
You don't need to, like...
If you don't remember, the beef was over
Whether he did it or not.
But he clarified that he did.
Just the fact that he brought it up
Is what he needs to apologize, that's the only thing.
She'll come around one day.
I think she will come around one day.
If I'm going to apologize to nicole,
It would have to be that I maybe ruined our relationship
In a way, maybe betrayed her trust.
She said that you would- she would listen out
If you went to talk to her.
I had gotten involved with her relationship with jionni,
Maybe brought up things when it shouldn't have been.
But at the end of the day, somebody's gotta man up
Whether it's / or /.
I just think that whenever she sees me or him,
It brings up a past of her that she doesn't wanna remember...
Yes.
And she can never get rid of it.
That's why she doesn't bring jionni
Around the house anymore.
That's why they want nothing to do with me.
Nicole is trying to forget her past so much
Because she's gonna have a kid now,
And nicole wants to be, like, a good, conservative mom.
That's why nicole doesn't hang out with me or talk to me.
When she sees me, she thinks automatically of her
Drinking, climbing into bed with dudes,
f*cking a different guy every night.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm... I'm that memory.
Yeah, you're right. How's that feel?
[Laughter]
It's not your fault. I know.
It is what it is.
Me and nicole are definitely in a better place
Than mike and nicole are.
Nicole actually likes me. You know what I mean?
Nicole actually hates mike.
So there is a possibility
That me and nicole will be out of the woods
If jionni decides that he wants to be friends with me.
But that's about it.
I just want to know if you're gonna go
To the wedding or not.
'Cause if not, I get another plus-one.
♪ One day ♪
♪ No more pain ♪
♪ I keep faith in you ♪
How's he doing?
He's tired.
[Yawns]
♪ Say that, say that, say that ♪
♪ Don't we do this every day ♪
Hey. Oh.
Wow.
Snookwoww's here.
We're going to the deck. Huh?
We're gonna go on the deck.
Are you coming up or are you going to sleep?
Yeah, well, I'll go- I'll go up.
All right, if you guys feel like coming up on the deck,
You know? Yeah, we'll come up.
It's all good.
Are you gonna invite mike or vin to your wedding?
Well, um, I think vin
Should talk to jionni. Really?
Yeah, 'cause I want them to be, you know, okay.
They would never just go and be, like...
He'll be like, "why do I need to talk to jionni?"
I know he would.
'Cause I would really like them to be okay
Because I would love to have him at the wedding.
But definitely not mike. Like, go f*ck yourself.
I want vinny and jionni
To speak just because it's really important
For, you know, vinny to be at my wedding
Because he's a good friend just like everyone else is
In the house.
And I feel like it would just be weird
If vinny wasn't there.
[Stammers] what does vin say to him?
I don't know, 'cause I know jionni...
You don't say anything.
You don't have to apologize for anything.
Just be like, "yo." Just say...
"Congratulations on your baby, on your engagement."
Genuinely.
Mike's clearly not invited.
No. He doesn't exist in my world.
You don't even want an apology from him, do you?
Even if he did, I don't want to be friends
With him ever again.
He totally embarrassed
My fiance and our relationship.
Listen, he's done it to me, so.
I don't think I can ever forgive mike
Just because, you know, he really
Did f*cked up sh*t to me and jionni,
With making up sh*t, trying to ruin our relationship,
Break us up for no reason.
So it's very hard to forgive someone that has done that.
I don't need that drama. I'm having a f*cking baby.
Oh, I can't wait to be skinny again.
Who are you making that for? My post-preggo clothes.
You're going from pregnant to freaking super slutty girl?
[Chuckling] giant sexified mama.
Mike, I'm telling you.
I don't like going to work
And then have them talking about
How you want to break up with me.
[Alarm clock beeps]
[Sighs]
[Exhales]
So tired.
You look wasted. [Chuckles]
So tired.
[Laughs] I wish.
I have work with jenni and pauly this morning,
And I really don't want to go
Just because, with being pregnant,
Sometimes you wake up and you just wanna throw up.
You look like you two years ago.
I feel like sh*t.
Me and snookwoww.
What's up, man?
Good morning. How we doing?
Good morning.
[Gate rattles]
Where's the phone?
Did you guys want to get something else?
We got this, specially made by nicole.
Who you calling? [Dialing]
I have a bad pain in my side. I wanna call a doctor.
[Line trills]
It's probably called gas.
I know what gas feels like.
Hi, can I speak to dr. Russo, please?
All right, thank you.
He's not in yet.
Jenni, why don't you and nicole,
Since she's not feeling well,
Sit over at bubba's, relax a little bit, all right?
Yeah.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
Me neither.
How do you feel?
Emotionally or physically? Both.
Emotionally, I'm all right.
It's the physically sh*t.
What's your physical symptoms?
Just tired.
I can only sleep on my back or my side.
So what else are you feeling?
You're not communicating with us.
I feel like I can't talk
To anyone in the house but you.
Why? I don't know.
I just don't want to bother them with my pregnant sh*t.
I can understand the boys, no?
Well, the boys don't give a sh*t.
Yeah.
But even, like, deena and sam?
Well, deena, I talked to her, and it was fine.
But I just don't want to be, like, annoying with it,
And I don't want to be a buzz k*ll to anyone.
Nicole thinks that because no other roommates are pregnant,
Nobody's gonna understand her.
But I feel like we are a family,
And we're in this pregnancy as a team.
And you know, she should have
A, like, get-out-of-free-jail card
With pregnancy.
Definitely feel like you and d though
Should just bullshit like we are right now.
So maybe I'll do, like, meatball auditions with her
One day. Mm-hmm.
When she goes out drinking, I'll go with her
And just audition people.
Is vinny annoying you?
A little bit, but...
Don't you think if you talk to jionni
It would be better at all?
I'm not... I'm not saying f*cking be friends.
I'm saying be amicable. Yeah.
[Belches]
I'm still waiting for mike to talk to me.
Hello.
He thinks he doesn't deserve to apologize
Because he thinks he did nothing wrong
By telling the truth.
Then we're both on
Two totally different pages still.
I agree. I think...
And go on with your life and nice knowing ya.
I'm definitely not holding my breath
For mike to talk to me,
Because we've been living together
For, you know, a little bit now,
And he still hasn't said anything.
I thought we had stupid things.
The boys are Ret*rded.
Gah, I can't wait to be skinny again.
Who you making that for?
My post-preggo clothes.
You're going from pregnant to freaking super slutty girl?
[Laughs] giant...
Oh, so you sell super slutty? Yeah.
Yeah, I promote super slutty.
Sexified mama.
Let's do a little something,
Then we can work on our post-pregnant wardrobe.
Peace out, homey. You guys are out?
Yeah, it's the thug life. It's time.
I was telling pauly at work if you want to do,
Like, onesies for lorenzo,
Or, like, gag jokes for nicole,
Like underwears with, like, things written on it.
Shirts, like, post-baby- gag jokes?
Gags, like bottles of vodka.
I'm gonna buy her her first bottle of wine
That's she's gonna drink after.
So I want to throw nicole a shore shower.
She's pregnant, so she feels like
She's going through it alone.
And so I hope that the shore shower
Will show nicole that we're gonna be part of it
And we're gonna be part of lorenzo's life too.
The hardest part is to make sure nicole has no idea.
I can't go to that though
'Cause the baby daddy don't like me.
But I'm holding the party and you're invited.
Oh, thanks, jen. [Scoffs]
Why not, like, set him off to the side
During the baby shower
And be, like, "yo, I don't want any problems with you.
Me and nicole are roommates"?
I don't have any problems with him.
Exp... Tell him that.
No. Tell him.
"I want to be not friends with you,
But be cool with you."
No, 'cause I don't care
If I'm cool with him or not.
Do it for nicole. You care about nicole.
I don't know if she wa- if she cares.
She does. I was talking about it today at work.
She would love for you two to be, like, amicable,
So she can invite you to the wedding,
So she can invite you to certain things.
If she thinks it's a good idea, I'll do it.
She did. At work, she told me.
It's jenni talking, so you can never believe
What's she saying.
If nicole really wanted me to make up with jionni
And be friends with him,
Nicole would come up to me and address it herself.
Not jenni doing it for nicole.
It's not that I'm saying you did anything wrong,
You should just go up to him and be like,
Not the bigger man, but be like, "hey."
Well, I'm definitely the bigger man.
[Laughs]
He's not half the man I am!
Oh, yes, he is.
I don't know how you spell "hors d'oeuvre."
Hors d'oeuvre.
It's, like "h" and "o." O-r...
Whatever.
I think it's "or dirves." O-r...
"wh*re d'oeuvres." It's not o-r.
It's o-r-d... "Or dir..."
I-r...
Such a small word has such a lot of letters.
Paula's like, "if you want to break up with me,
You could just say so."
Mike's telling everybody about this...
Paula's friends, people that work with her,
And I'm like, "dude, are you crazy
"Talking about it everybody if you don't want it
To get back to her?"
I was like, "uh...
Where did you hear that?"
♪ One, two, three, oh ♪
♪ Whoa, oh ♪
Bye, girls. Have fun.
Be careful. Toodles.
♪ Oh, whoa oh, whoa ♪
I need your help on something.
What?
I'm setting up a baby shower for nicole.
Not a baby shower. A pre-baby shower.
Where? At the house? At rivoli's.
Aww, that's exactly what nicole needs.
Like, a little pre-baby shower.
So I'm gonna have to have you guys
Help me get everything. When is it?
We'll have to go to that baby store.
Yeah.
Of course. Team kuka.
Yeah. Yeah.
Team cuca. Cuca.
It's cool, like, we're actually
Planning a baby shower party right now.
Like, that's pretty cool.
I don't know how you spell "hors d'oeuvre."
Hors d'oeuvre.
It's, like "h" and "o." O-r...
Whatever.
I think it's "or dirves." O-r...
"wh*re d'oeuvres." It's not o-r.
It's o-r-d... "Or dir..."
I-r...
I screwed up writing it out. Wow.
Such a small word has such a lot of letters.
Yeah.
Bye, thank you. See ya.
Bye.
♪ Always walk away ♪
♪ You put the money on your shoulder ♪
♪ You walk into the moon ♪
Hello? Jionni.
What's up?
So this sunday, at :, at rivoli's,
I'm holding a surprise shower for nicole.
Like, a shore shower. Like, baby brunch.
Uh-huh.
I need you to be there.
We're gonna get there at :.
It's gonna be a surprise for her.
But I want everyone that's part of the surprise
There at :.
If you f*cking tell her any of this, I will cut you.
[Mockingly] yeah, I'm gonna tell her.
Yeah, all right. Making sure.
The shore shower is a lot harder to plan
Than the boys' surprise party last year,
Because there's a lot more thought and energy
Going into this rather than the boys'.
I'm like, "candy and strippers."
But, like, this one's, like, sentimental to me
'Cause this is my godson.
So I want to make sure it's, like, perfect.
So it's a lot of pressure.
I won't say nothing.
Promise? Promise.
Love you. Love you.
Both: bye.
Ugh. It's sunny.
Oh, I have to adjust myself in the sun.
Sweating my a*s off.
Please proceed to the highlighted route.
Childrenswear.
The baby shower's coming up,
And we wanna- we don't wanna do
The whole shore store thing.
Like, we want to get her real baby gifts.
And I'm like, "oh, this is fun."
Oh, I wish she was having a girl.
A little binky.
[Scoffs] and, like, toys and sh*t.
I like little stuff. Me too.
This makes me excited to have a baby one day.
Yup.
Keys.
I used to love these when I was small.
I don't know how I remember this,
But I remember when I was a baby,
I remember I liked the keys.
Like- whirrr...
So I got the baby little keys and a teething ring.
Little gifts for the meatball. The baby meatball.
Yo, what are we gonna do with this stuff now?
Put it in our closet.
I just hope she's not in the house when we get home.
Thanks. Thank you.
[Duck telephone quacks]
Hello? Hello.
Who's this? Paula.
Hey, what are you up to? What are you doing?
I'm gonna go to the gym for a little bit,
And then I have work : to :.
Oh, cool. Cool.
Um, I will probably give you a ring a little bit later.
I know I wasn't supposed to say this,
But, mike, I'm telling you,
If you... If there's something you want to say,
Please call me.
Do not go to the girls at simply sun.
I don't like going to work
And have to work an eight-hour shift
And then have them talking about
How you wanna break up with me.
Where did you get that one?
I walked into work yesterday
And that's what they were talking about.
I'm not saying you said that or anything like that.
No, no, I never said that to anybody at simply sun.
No. I said that you weren't the same girl that...
For the past three summers. I did say that.
As of right now, everything is somewhat okay.
I'll probably come in to see you later, you know?
Say what's up and talk to you, whatever.
Who knows?
All right, so you're gonna be working
From : to
Mm-hmm.Yep.
Okay.
Well, do you mind if I come in and say what's up,
Or you don't want me to come in?
No, I want you to come in. [Sniffs]
Are you crying right now?
A little bit.
Uh...
It's okay.
Why are you crying?
I didn't- I didn't do anything.
When you come to visit, you know,
We'll talk and whatnot.
If you go out tonight and try again,
Give me another chance or something like that.
All right, well, you- I'm just trying to work...
Figure things out just like you, you know?
Mm-hmm.
All right, babe? I'll see you in a little bit.
Or a little bit later. All right. Bye.
Bye, sweetie.
[Groans]
God.
[Chuckles]
Oh, man.
Hello? Can you make a shirt
That says "let's make it unofficial"?
And then we'll surprise mike with it
When you get out of work.
Pauly called me, told me you needed this.
Ten minutes away before the break-up.
I got candy ready, a front-row seat,
Waiting for the break-up to happen.
♪ Oh, one night I was out ♪
♪ I stopped to check you out ♪
♪ I felt good about talking to you ♪
No, it is degrees out.
I was dying last night of the heat.
We gotta start making them. Sunday.
You should get him, "I got the biggest d*ck
In the family."
That's what I was gonna get. Yeah?
I thought it was funny.
I figured I'd save you guys the good ones.
I want the dirty ones.
Rule number one, pull out at the jersey shore.
Yeah, everyone knows that one.
Someone didn't fill him in on that.
Jionni?
That's the only guy I know
That he doesn't even have to be around his kid
While his girlfriend's pregnant.
Like, that's what's up.
And if he doesn't want to be around
'Cause he's too scared of looking like a d*ck,
He's gonna look like a bigger- even bigger d*ck
For not being around.
Roger's around. Chris is around.
Paula's even been around,
And mike's been with her for ten days.
But it's, like, where's jionni?
He can only sleep over one night?
He can't come during the day
And spend time with his wife-to-be,
Make sure that's she's okay?
Make sure that she's not laying in bed all day?
Make sure she's out doing things
And sitting inside that house?
Yeah, while he's f*cking baking in the sun?
Come on.
Just like you would be,
Roger will be pregnant with me.
Just like I know if you and sam were pregnant...
Any one of these guys in this house
Would be pregnant with their girlfriends.
Yeah.
Hello?
So even though there's no roomies in the house,
I'm gonna have fun today.
We have so much we can do, jumanji.
Jumanji is my pet penguin,
And he's a balloon, and he walks,
And he's f*cking awesome.
Where are you going? Jumanji.
Why are you floating? Are you drunk?
I said no drinking today.
I mean, pregnant women ride this, yeah.
[Shudders]
It smells like fishies.
[Line trilling]
Hello? Yo.
What's up, bro? What are you doing?
Uh, nothing.
Yo, can you do me a favor?
What?
Can you make a shirt that says
"Let's make it unofficial"?
Uh, tank top?
Yeah, tank top.
And then we'll surprise mike with it
When you get out of work. All right, sounds good.
[Laughs]
All right, bye. Bye.
"G.t.b."
"Gym, tan, break up with paula."
You are... You're really making that right now?
d*ck.
I feel bad for her. Is he really gonna wear a shirt?
He deserves to get beat up if he does.
I'm telling you right now.
I'm gonna wear the "g.t.b."
'Cause she don't know what it means.
Here we go. [Laughs]
Gym, tan, break up with paula.
What's he gonna do? Call her?
Nah, he's gonna do it at her job.
At her job? [Laughs]
You just laughed. You're so mean.
No! Yes.
No! Yup.
"G.t.b." And "let's make it unofficial."
That's what's up. Let me see.
I think it's hilarious to have a shirt that says
"Let's make it unofficial" and give it to mike
Because it was so stupid for him to make
A "let's make it official" shirt
In the first place.
Gym time, gym time.
G.t.b., G.t.b., G.t.b.
Yay.
What's going on? Nothing.
Me and the boys are gonna go gym, t...
Break up with paula?
Maybe we'll stop by the tanning salon.
Yo, do you wanna hear something gangster?
Within seconds of me talking to her, like,
"How was your day," like, small talk,
She's, like, "do you have anything to tell me?"
I was, like, "uh...
What do you mean anything to tell you?"
She's, like, "'cause if you wanna break up with me,
You could just say so," and I was, like, "uh..."
Yo, like, she confronted me, like, hardcore.
Like, what up though.
Did... Were you, like, "no," or did you say, "eh"?
I was, like, "uh, where did you hear that?"
So she said somebody at the tanning salon
Said something, so I'm like...
See, that's your problem.
You talk to us, 'cause- yes, yes.
I'm not surprised, 'cause mike's telling everybody
About this... Paula's friends, people that work with her,
And I'm like, "dude, are you crazy
"Talking about it to everybody
If you don't want it to get back to her?"
I think mike maybe wanted it to get back to her.
She immediately called me out.
Like, "yo, you trying to break up with me right now?"
Oh, hello. G.t.b.!
G.t.b.! What'd you make?
No! No!
"Gym, tan, break up with paula."
No, it's "gym, tan, break up with your girlfriend."
Wow, that shirt's already been made. G.t.b.
"Gym, tan, break up with your girl."
Pauly called me and told me he needed this.
"Let's make it unofficial."
[Laughs]
Can you imagine if I came out with this on?
Oh, my god. Oh, yeah.
No way. I think you should.
If I did do it, I would do it...
You would go out in history
As the best break-up in the world.
[Laughs]
So you're not going tanning after today, are you?
I am going tanning.
I believe that me and paula can get past this.
Now that mike is going to break up with paula,
Like, is this going to be awkward
When we go tanning now?
Like, I feel bad for the girl.
Okay, this is the plan.
All the boys, plus jenni,
This is a gym, tan...
Gym, tan...
Gym, tan, break up with your significant other,
And laundry.
G.t.l.b. G.t.l.b.
Let's go. Have fun, ladies.
Let's make it unofficial, girl.
There's more{\i} jersey shore{\i} on the way,
And it starts right now.
♪ I've been trying ♪
♪ To get you to go ♪
♪ Go swimming in the sea ♪
♪ Go swimming with me ♪
Listen, I'm gonna handle this f*cking seriously.
Don't do it yet. Yo, do it.
Just do it right when you get in there.
No way. No way. And then go tanning?
One of the huge questions of the day
Revolved around whether we should tan first
Or break up with paula first,
Because if you break up with paula first,
You may not be able to tan.
And that's not a good thing.
Go! Let's go! Let's g.t.b.!
You shut the car off?
Yo, he forgot to shut the car off.
[Laughter]
Shut the f*ck up.
Yo, he left the keys in the car.
Shut the f*ck up.
It takes a g*ng of guidos to break up with paula.
Like, mike has a whole squad of guido g*ons around him
To break up with paula.
I say you just do it, right off the bat. Bam.
I don't think that- I don't think that's gonna work.
What up, guys?
What's up, girl? Hey.
How are you? Good.
Good?
What's up? You like it?
Yeah, it's nice. Oh, you look pretty.
Thank you.
I'm not tanning, paula.
I just came for the show.
Ten minutes away before the break-up.
[Laughs]
[Sighs]
Can't wait to watch this movie.
I'm not even tanning today.
I am sitting my a*s right on this couch,
And waiting for the break-up to happen.
I got candy ready, a front-row seat.
I want it to be good.
Did you want popcorn or just candy?
Candy's good. You want a drink?
I'm good. Okay.
Should we use the bathroom before?
Um...
I'll wait till the end. All right.
I hope this movie doesn't drag.
Me too.
Look, he's here for the movie too.
Oh, sh*t.
We should dim the lights.
The movie started? Mm-hmm.
I'm actually at sort of a loss of words right now
Because I got to man up and do what I said
I was gonna do.
Am I gonna be smooth enough
To execute g.t.b.?
So what's new with you?
I'm better now. Yeah?
This movie just got interesting.
Sorry I got a little emotional before.
It's all right.
I mean, it is what it is.
I mean, um,
I mean, today- today could have been better,
But it's, you know, it's not the... You know,
It's not the end of the world, you know?
You know I care about you.
I care about you too. I know.
Yo, if it's like this the whole time,
I'm gonna ask for my money back.
I mean, maybe we're just moving a little too quick,
And if you ask me, if we could go back
To the way we were for a little bit,
'Cause that worked for me,
And then we'll take it from there.
I just don't want to get f*cked over.
I would never f*ck you over though.
You know what I mean? You know that.
Whether we're going out now, or we're going out later,
Or tomorrow, or a month from now,
You're always gonna be in my life.
But just maybe right this second,
It's just maybe not the right time.
And if we could go back to the way we were,
You know, for a little bit...
You'll find that spark that you liked about me so much?
I always like you, no matter what.
You know that.
No matter if you're crazy paula, it doesn't matter.
I'm always gonna care about you. You know that.
You're fair game now.
What the hell? "Fair game now"?
So, like, paula's, like, cool with it,
And, like, mike's cool with it.
And then mike kisses her on the lips and that's it.
This movie sucks. I want my money back.
Can I get a hug?
I guess so.
Are you sure, brown eyes?
Don't start kissing my a*s. You just dumped me.
I did not. [Laughs]
I did not. What are you talking about?
We had, like, a- like, a week.
It's still not my shortest relationship.
Oh, thanks. [Laughs]
Crazy girl.
Me and sam break up,
That sh*t's like going to, like,
A heavyweight fight.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
You know you're gonna see action.
With mike and paula's break-up,
I felt like I was watching a chicken fight.
There was just, like, pecks going on
'Cause all they would do is kiss the whole time.
See you later.
Bye.
Can we go? Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
See you tonight, paula.
Was that even a break-up? What?
I just saw you make out with her, like, ten times.
Dude, I've never seen people
Make out when they break up.
I'm very good when it comes to speaking with people.
Yo, breaking up is hard to do, bro.
Exactly.
Whoa, what did I miss?
Not much. Nothing good.
You were hoping- they hugged, they kissed.
He said, "I'll see you tonight."
Yeah. [Laughter]
He did dump her though. He did dump her though.
I did dump her though. 'Cause she even said it.
She's like, "you dumped me."
Wow, that was, like, the corniest,
Easiest break-up I've ever seen.
I'm glad it's over.
We don't have to hear her name ever again.
All right, mvp. Awesome.
Mvp summer.
Mvp. Mvp.
♪ Three, two, one ♪
♪ This is how a heart explodes ♪