06x01 - Once More Unto the Beach

[bunniefuu]

- arrivederci!

Jersey, here we come!

[Cheering]

Here's to a good summer.

[Overlapping cheers]

We're home.
We're back in jersey.

Let's do it.

[Techno music]

Whoa!

You're peeing?

'Cause all the bathrooms
is taken.

You know it's bad
when I'm the sober one.

[Laughs]

I always pick you
over everybody.

That makes me feel special.

Last summer,
it was a great time,

But we all knew
there was gonna be drama.

[Indistinct chatter]

Oh, my god.
You're bleeding.

[Police siren blaring]

You sure this is
what you wanna do?

Yeah, bro.
Love you, bro.

Love you too, man.
I definitely hit a low point,

So I left.

I'm gonna try
to make this, like,

Really painless as possible.

Me and snooki hooked up.

I've had enough
of nicole's games.

I've told the truth.

You're the worst friend
I've ever had!

Yeah, all right.

You're a f*cking as*h*le

For doing that to me.
f*ck you!

It's always gloom and doom
and drama with you.

That's on you.
I tried.

I got up. I'm dressed.

And I'm f*cking ready.

Yo, forget this.

Let's go get vinny.

All: vinny!

Vinny!

Let's seriously
do it again next summer.

All: let's do it!

Everybody left last summer
on a good note.

I think the only one
that everybody

Had a problem with is mike.

Snooks, you're not gonna
say good-bye?

Since last summer,
a lot of things changed.

And now we're all
coming back

To the shore house together,

So things are gonna
get a little crazy.

I'm six months pregnant,

And I'm going
to the shore house.

What the f*ck
am I doing?

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy
I will rip their heads off.

Go vinny! Go vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ If you wanna have fun
and do something crazy ♪

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Does anybody need anything?
No.

It's the first time
he's ever asked.

[Laughter]

Get the hell out of here.

The last couple months
I've been really working

On getting back
to who I really am.

I was dependent
on prescription pills.

I knew I needed help,
and I went to rehab.

With everyone
at this table,

We were able to get michael
on the straight and narrow.

That took a long-
took awhile.

Rehab is the most unbearable,
unpleasant experience

You can possibly
go through.

But I'm the cleanest
and healthiest I've ever been

Since maybe I was,
like, 21 or so.

I think, mike, at least
you could toast.

A toast? Gtl.

[Laughter]

All right?
That's what I said, gtl.

So new beginnings.
Oh, there you go.

New beginnings.

Me and paula have been
probably seeing each other

For four summers now.

We're not going out,
I'd say.

But probably the closest thing
to it probably.

See you down there.

Both: mwah.
Bye.

[Exhales]
who knows what's gonna happen?

[Horn honking]

[Dog barking]
how are you?

It's so hot out...

[Screams]

[Laughter]

Your floor is slippery.

Could have had
a miscarriage.

Going to the shore
is a tradition.

And even though
I'm pregnant, you know,

I still want
to be a part of it.

Like, I'm really excited
to go

Down to the shore
and see all my roommates.

But then again, like,
how am I gonna have fun?

Why, pregnant people
don't have fun at the shore?

Pregnancy has changed me.

I mean,
before I got pregnant,

All I wanted to do was
live it up and go crazy.

I couldn't stop.
Does that turn you on?

No!
Whoa.

Get the f*ck off.

Get off.

I definitely did, like,
a whole 180,

I think it's called.

You don't get it.

These are, like,
my party friends.

It'll be different,
but it'll be good.

I won't be able
to do the meatball things

Like I'm used to doing.

Love you.
Love you.

And I just don't wanna
be around drinking,

'Cause it really
upsets me.

Because I wanna
be having fun too.

Ugh!
Can you get me up?

I'm so... [Grunts]

Come on, grandma.
Ooh.

You know, I still know
how to have fun,

It's just like
a different fun for now.

Mom, it's too hot.
I can't.

Bye.
Close the door.

Ugh. Miserable.

I'm still gonna
be there in spirit.

And I'm just gonna
make it my own summer.

[Horn honking]

Is nicole going?

She's picking me up.
She's pregnant.

I know.

Why is she going?
I don't know why.

Why don't you ask her
when she gets here?

Since last time
at the shore,

Me and nicole decided
to move in with each other.

We're gonna take it!

Nice.
Whoo!

It was very short-lived.

Me and roger
now are living together.

What if I got a shore house
with my buddies

And said,
"gonna be gone all summer"?

That would fly with you?
Nope.

Little bit
of double standards here?

Yep.
We're doing pretty good,

Kinda like same sh*t,
different story, or toilet.

Better than jersey city.

I'm not getting into this!

I didn't want
to get into this!

You wanted to get into this!
Go f*cking stop.

You're not gonna
get over it.

I'm not going to apologize.

Stalemate.

I am actually really shocked
that roger's still with me.

We still have
a lot to work on.

Two years I've been hearing,
"I just wanna settle down

And have kids with you
and get married."

Yet you leave every five minutes
to go live somewhere...

Where's my ring?
Whoa.

Hey, I need a little stability
in my relationship

Before I buy a ring.

We're in a house.
That's stable.

It's not stable,
'cause you leave

The g*dd*mn house
and leave me

With your dogs
all the time.

Hey, it's a package deal...
I like your dogs.

Me and two b*tches.

Give me the london broil.

Italian stallion,
let's roll with that.

I'm really trying
to do something nice

For, uh, you know,
all the roommates this year.

I'm gonna try to plan
a nice dinner for everybody.

So as soon as they walk in,
the food's already ready.

I got seven hungry roommates,
you know?

And they do like
sunday dinner.

[Laughs]
yeah.

Food brings people together,
nice little feast.

But it's just gonna
show them that, you know,

We're trying to put
this particular summer

On the right foot
and have a blast.

And it's gonna
be a good summer.

That is a big pickle
right there, dude.

This will last snooki
for a month.

[Chuckles]

[Phone ringing]

sh*t, my vag*na hurts.

Hello?

I'm gonna be there
in, like, eight minutes.

Okay.
Are you excited to move in?

Yeah. Are you?

I just don't want drama
like last time.

I haven't talked to mike
since last summer.

Nicole, you cheat on him
all the time.

Once a cheater,
always a cheater.

I never cheat on him,
you f*cking moron!

If he apologizes,
thank you,

But I don't want to be
your friend, and I'm sorry.

If he starts
with me again,

I'm gonna go
into premature labor.

Well, we'll see.

Now that he's clean, hopefully
there will be no drama.

Oh, there will be drama.

I finally got
my own room with sam.

Now we can fight in peace.

Vinny walks by and
doesn't say a word to jionni.

Like, it's so awkward.

It's gonna be
a blast this year.

So even though I am sober,

There's gonna be
lots of craziness.

I'm pretty curious
to see how I'm gonna act.

[Chuckles]

Make sure I bring
a laundry bag so I can gtl.

I'm so excited
to go back to the shore.

The question is,
how are me and sam fitting

All of our stuff
in the same car,

Is what I wanna know.

Yes.

I'm going to the shore
with ron.

We're going
into the house together.

So who knows what's gonna
happen when we come out?

[Knocks on table]
me and ron,

Somehow we keep coming back
to one another.

Right now, we're together
and I'm happy.

I'm 25 years old.

I'm at a time in my life
where I'm kinda, like, matured.

And i-i'm where I wanna be.

And I'm happy with ron.

So hopefully me and ron
can get through this house

This summer, you know,
together.

Ron!

It slipped.

I think we'll be good now.

We communicate very well.

If there's something
that's bothering me,

I'm just gonna tell her
how I feel

Without actually
hurting her feelings,

Which I was pretty bad at
in the past.

I mean, I'm not really
looking forward

To living with the pregnant
chick, to be honest with you.

I think it'll be cool.

Is it possible
that jenni can complain

More than snooki
when snooki's pregnant?

Oh, my god.
I'm not even drunk yet.

It's just gonna get worse
when I get drunk.

Oh, great.

[Phone ringing]

Yo.
What up, my dude?

You ready to do this, bro?
Yeah, hell, yeah.

Oh, I'm ready.
Me and vinny

Are definitely gonna do
our thing this year.

Yo, who do you think's
gonna be the first person

At the house, though?
First person at the house?

Probably mike.

I talked to him yesterday.
He sounded clean.

I don't know.
I'll give him another chance.

Yeah, I'll give him
another chance.

Now that mike's
back to normal,

Maybe we'll get mvp
back together

To the way that it used to be.
Do you feel me?

You better not
leave me this time.

I'm not letting you
go back, so...

Don't let me go, bro!

[Laughs]
I'm not letting you go.

You should use a robe.
Is it clean?

Of course it's clean.

It's good to have,
you never know.

[Sighs]

Ma, my hair!
Oh, I'm sorry.

Come on.
Oh, my god.

[Laughs]
I gotta get out of here.

Last summer,
I was just really exhausted.

I hit a low point,
so I left.

Why do you want
to leave right now?

I'm not happy.
You know what I mean?

Like, I'm doing what's-
what's best for myself.

You know, I ended up
getting my sh*t together,

Coming back, and finishing up
the summer with my friends.

Are you glad
you came back?

I'm very glad I came back.

We're all glad
you came back.

I had to get my b*tch back.

[Laughter]

Since then,
I've just been really

Trying to get my mind
in check,

Trying to get
everything in check.

Nicole, she's really
gonna go?

What, uh... What's...

Who's gonna take care
of her over there, you?

Well, I was thinking,
if nicole and jionni

Don't work out, maybe I'll,
uh, step in for her.

Why not?
You love here.

And then I'll have a baby.

I'll take his baby.

Take his baby?
Yeah.

He's not gonna be
a good dad.

Don't say that.

You really look good, "d".

I hope when you get
down the shore and you start

Boozin' that you're
not gonna put on that weight.

I just wanna walk
into that shore house

And be, like, new deena,
new attitude, new look.

I hope I come in
and they're like,

"Whoa, what did somebody
do with deena?"

I kinda want it to be like
the first day I walked in...

Cheers to you inviting me!

Everything looks situated.

You can't, like... Aah.

No, you can't do it
without my bikini.

But without, like,
me dropping my pants

In front of mike and stuff.

Without all that,
but like that,

'Cause that was
a fun night for me.

What are you gonna do
without your other meatball?

You're gonna be
solo meatball.

I'm just nervous, like,
about that.

Nicole's pregnant.

Mike's clean.

Ron and sam
are back together.

Who am I gonna play with?

[Doorbell rings]
oh.

That must be chris.
Chris?

Hi, babe.
[Indistinct]

Almost done?
Mm-hmm.

I'm coming into the house
with a boyfriend.

His name is chris.

I've really never had, like,
a real, real boyfriend before.

So this is definitely going
to be different.

Gonna miss me?

Yeah.

Are you gonna miss me?
Of course.

He's just awesome.

He makes me laugh.
He's goofy.

This is the happiest

I've ever been
in my entire life.

And I just wanna get
on a mountain and sing it.

Like, "I'm finally happy!"

Like, "I'm happy!"

Drive safe.

I'll call you
when I get down there.

Bye.
I love you.

Love you too.
Bye-bye.

Let's hit the road,
b*tch.

Holy hot as hell.

You still driving
this pink thing?

I feel like everything's
different,

Especially nicole's pregnant,
mike's clean.

I'm really curious
to see

What the other roommates
are all about.

So I really don't know
what to expect right now.

See, trucks come in handy.

Yep.
All right.

I'll be seeing you soon.

I love you.

We are maturing and growing up
a little bit.

Better start now than never.

[Horn honking]

This is it.
Yo.

I swear to god,
if anyone is in our beds,

I'm kicking 'em out.

Seaside, here we go.

I really am praying
that somebody's at this house

To help me get this sh*t
out of my car.

♪ Everything you say,
everything you do ♪

♪ Comes back to you ♪

Coming up to the bridge,
it looks like.

I probably haven't come
over this bridge sober

Since, like,
the first summer.

The situation's back, baby.

[Chuckles]

♪ Everything you say,
everything you do ♪

♪ Comes back to you ♪

What is that smell?

Mike is preparing dinner.

It's just very weird to see
mike being so nice right now.

But maybe he put some laxative
in our food or something.

[Doomtree's fresh new trash]

♪ When it all comes
tumblin' down ♪

♪ The man built with rubble ♪

♪ While you fumbled
your crown, hey ♪

Situation's back, baby.
[Chuckles]

And to think I almost
didn't make it this summer.

I almost didn't make it
in many ways.

I almost didn't make it
back to real life.

Looks like I'm the first one
in this piece.

This dinner that I'm cooking
for the roommates right now

Is pretty much the italian way
of saying, "I'm sorry."

You know, whatever happened
in the past can be erased,

Because I just cooked you
some din-din.

[Chuckles]

Let's see if anybody
is here.

Hello?

Yo, what up?
Hey, roomie!

You look awesome.

Good to see you.

Oh, what are you making?

Ah, I figured
I'd surprise everybody

And try to, you know,
start off on a good note.

You know what I'm saying?
Aw.

Let's get this sh*t,
and then we'll catch up

And everything.
Uh, let me help you, though.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie,
I was gonna ask.

[Laughs]

Let me just make sure
I don't burn the crib down.

Yo, mike burnt
the house down.

Yo, you look good, though.
You look good.

Wow, deena is looking
pretty good.

You're a little tinier
since the last time I seen ya.

Yeah, I keep trying,
you know?

Been doing your thing?
Yeah.

Mike was, like, giving me
all these compliments.

I'm like, "thank you,
thank you."

Just get it?
Yeah.

Whoa. [Laughs]
okay.

'Cause usually he says
that I look fat.

I brought a scooter, and
I brought a beer pong table.

Really?

But we could do, like,
cranberry juice

With the beer pong table.
Yeah, it's all good.

[Both chuckling]

Yeah, I got a lot
of crazy things

I gotta deal with
this time around.

I quit smoking
cigarettes too.

Well, you look healthy,
mike.

Mike looks great.

He seems
like he's doing well.

Hopefully he stays
like this,

'Cause I like mike
like mike.

You wanna go on the top deck?

Yeah, let's check it out.
Whoo-hoo!

I'm definitely
gonna be using

That jacuzzi madness
this year.

I better go in now,
before I gain weight

By the end of the summer.
[Laughs]

I'm just kidding.

It's okay if I smoke
in front...

Can I smoke a cigarette?
Of course you can.

Yeah, you can drink around me,
smoke around me.

Hello?

What the hell?

Hello?
Pauly!

Is anybody here?
[Laughs]

Hey!
How are you?

Hi.
Good to see you.

Good to see you.
My dude!

I miss you, man.
How you doing, man?

I don't think I've seen you
for, like, three summers.

How you feeling? Good?
Good, man.

I feel great.
Look good, man.

The first time I met mike,

He was my boy.
We clicked.

And I feel like, seeing mike
healthy and happy,

He's that person again.

Damn, so you guys didn't
even pick rooms yet or nothin'?

Nah, we just kinda
set up dinner.

I figure we'll figure it
all out when people get here.

Damn, can you believe
snooks is preggers?

[Laughs]
isn't she engaged too?

Yup.

I'm expecting to see
a big bump.

When's she due?
Like, september?

Yeah. I remember her
when she was like,

"The party's here."
Yeah.

Now the baby's here.

[Laughter]

Yo, am I supposed to knock
when I come into this house?

Ronolo!
Why's it smell like sh*t?

It smells like we left it.

We walk into the house,
and mike's cooking.

Oh, my god.
Hi.

God only knows
what he's up to right now.

Like, when I walked in,

It was all cooked
and everything.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, he looks
like he's doing good.

Mike will always be mike.

He'll always be
that troublemaker to me.

He messed with my relationship,

Which I don't like.

We're gonna keep
our distance.

Oh!

Look at that pale skin.

Yo, you got the rold gold
peeps, huh?

What's up?
What up, son?

Bromance is back on
in full effect.

I mean, me and vinny
been apart for too long now.

[Panting]

Why are all the f*cking
bags right here?

We didn't pick a room yet.

The craziest thing
in the world

Is no one claimed a room.

Mike didn't claim a room.
Deena didn't claim a room.

I'm like, "where we staying?

Where am I sleeping?"

You know, we had
a lot of fun in miami,

You know what I'm saying,
when it was mvp.

I was trying to see if mvp
could, uh,

Get a room this year,
you know what I'm saying?

I'll do that.
I'm down with that.

[Laughs]
really, vin?

Yeah.

Me, mike, and pauly are the only
single people in the house,

So might as well
just stick together.

Are you guys dating
each other?

Both: yes.
Whoa.

So you guys want
the room downstairs?

Don't get them started, bro.

You were deciding factor.
Yeah.

We're waiting on you,
because...

Let's go upstairs.
All right.

Took me six
f*cking summers,

But I finally got
my own room with sam.

What bed do you want?
You pick.

Do you want to sleep with
my feet in your face, or no?

I'm sleeping with you.

I've stayed upstairs every
single time I've been here.

And now I have my own room
with my boyfriend.

Like, this is so exciting.

Now we can fight
in peace, sam.

It's awesome.
[Laughs]

Yo, for real, y'all,
I'm really happy

That all three of us
are gonna...

Yeah, me too, bro.
I don't know if you know,

But I'm a different dude.

Yeah, you seem different.

And, uh, I got your back
this summer, all y'all.

Bro, I accept you
for your good and your bad.

Just don't snore too loud,
all right?

No, I don't.
I don't even snore, smoke,

Or, uh, any of that-
or take hard drugs, no.

[Laughter]

This is it.

Oh, my god.
I can't get out.

Well, lorenzo,
this is the shore house.

Honey, I'm home.

Hello.
Pregnant b*tch is here.

Oh, my god.
What is that smell?

[Overlapping greetings]

How are you?

What the f*ck
is that smell?

I missed you.

Oh, I missed you.

Wait, let me see.
Aw.

Meatball's got
a little meatball.

I know.
But you still look great.

You still look fabulous.

Is someone cooking?
I smell something funky.

There's steamed broccoli,
steamed...

That's what I smell.
Yeah.

Smells like butthole.

Mike is preparing dinner.

So maybe he put some laxative
in our food or something.

I don't know.

It's just very weird
to see mike

Being so nice
right now.

Nicole, I'm, like,
so excited.

You were afraid you were
gonna blow up like a balloon,

But you didn't.
I know.

You can have
a little belly.

You can definitely
feel it, though.

How many more months?

Three more months
till I give birth.

Ugh, it freaks me out.

as*h*le!

No, like,
I can't believe

There's a little guy
in there.

It doesn't hurt
or anything.

Does it feel, like, weird?
You can go like that?

I'm really excited
to see my roommates.

I haven't seen them,
you know,

Since I told them
I was pregnant and engaged.

But I'm definitely
not excited to see mike,

You know, 'cause I don't want
to be his friend.

I'm happy that he's,
you know,

Taking care of himself
and stuff like that.

But other than that,

I just don't want
to be around him.

I want to know
what that smell is.

I have no idea.

What's up?

How are you?

[Blows raspberry]
go away.

You all right?
Yeah.

All right, good.

Wait, what happened?
Nothing.

It's gonna be
a long summer.

[Crying]

[Laid-back music]

♪ ♪

Oh, cool,
my steering wheel.

"Our first valentine's day."

He loves you.

Vinny, stop looking
at my underwear.

It's embarrassing.

It's so weird.

Guys aren't bitching to help.
It was weird.

There's dinner at the table
when I showed up.

Yeah, is this a prank?

Do you have mood swings?

Yeah.

I coulda answered
that one for ya.

Watch out, "d".

Right now,
I'm cooking a feast.

And I really wanted
to show the roommates that,

You know, I tried.

It's like, how can you
hate on that?

That's hard-a*s work.

Whoa.

Definitely not cleaning
this m*therf*cker up.

[Sighs]
for sure.

It would be nice if somebody
came out and said,

"Yo, mike, can I flip
a sausage for you, dog?"

[Chuckles]
uh, but no.

You know, I knew
it wasn't gonna be easy, though.

I can't believe
we're back here.

It doesn't feel like real life.
It doesn't feel real.

I can't believe it's gonna be
so different for me.

This time,
it's totally different.

You know, I can't have
ron-ron juice.

I can't go out on the porch
and have a cigarette.

So what can I do?

It's gonna be different
for me also.

You were my other half
in this house.

Like, who's gonna go
to jenks with you

At 10:00 in the morning
to drink?

No one.

If I drink by myself, can you
at least just play with me?

Mm-hmm.
Like, throw a ball.

All right.

If you guys wanna eat,
uh, dinner's ready now.

All right, cool.
Reality has hit.

I do not have
my partner in crime anymore.

But, she's still there.

She just can't be crimeful.

Time to eat!

Holy boobs!

Holy sh*t!
Let me see.

No!
Is there milk in them?

Can I try 'em out?
I think so.

Oh, my god!

Jionni said
he tasted milk.

[Laughter]

What are we rockin'
with today, bro?

Uh, chicken with tomatoes,
plain chicken.

This is, uh, steak.

Did you bring
the food with you?

Uh-huh. I went shopping
and everything.

I even got pickles
and sh*t too.

No. Really?
For real, I shopped before...

I was the first one here.

I went shopping.
You were?

I don't know.
I just wanna say that, um,

This year's definitely
had some ups and downs, and...

We just got here.
[Laughter]

Yo, I'm talking
about last year, yo.

Save the speech
for later, bro.

I was talking
about last year, yo.

No, let mike talk.

Yo, ronnie, you're supposed
to be on my side.

I got you, bro.
Let mike talk.

He did this whole thing.

All right, listen.
All right, how about this?

I love you all.
Let's eat, okay?

[Laughter]
all right.

I like that.

Mike put together
a feast for everybody.

This is a classic
situation dinner

That I remember having
the first summer.

It's good to see everybody and,
um, good to see mike changed.

I quit... I quit
the hard sh*t.

I run four miles a day.

Like, i... You know,
I'm, like,

The most healthiest
I've ever been.

Can I ask
what made you stop?

Um, no,
I was just exhausted.

I was so tired
and just needed...

Just wanted to go to sleep,
you know?

I was like, "wow,
if I can't do this now..."

You know what I'm saying?
What's...

It's like you don't even
wanna get up

And piss after a while.
Yeah, put my hands up.

I was like, "man,
I can't do this no more."

So then that was it.
I had to fix the problem.

I went away for 34 days.

Cheers to that.

Cheers, bro.
Glad to have you back.

Good job, bro.
Want a drink?

[Laughter]

Shots! Shots!

This is the perfect way
to start off the summer.

Like, it feels good
to be back.

Let's all go
in the hot tub tonight. Whoo!

Remember the first night?

Ron's motorboatin' nicole,
slapping her a*s.

She jumped on me
breasts-first.

Eww.

Yo, we were triple-kissing
some connecticut chicks.

Yeah, bro.
[Laughs]

Yo, we had
some ugly-a*s chicks in here.

Yo, and then sammi
and angelina were like,

"Oh, those girls
are gross."

If they wanna get it in,
let 'em get it in.

[Laughter]
I don't know, guys.

Before we go out or whatever
for the night,

I just wanna say something
to everybody.

I don't know in the last-
[giggling]

Shut the f*ck up, bro,
you as*h*le.

I'm f*cking talking, bro.

I didn't know
if you were jokin'.

I'm serious.
No, I'm serious.

I just wanna say
one m*therf*cking thing.

In different ways,
I feel

Like I let
almost everybody down.

Pauly, you know,
I let our friendship down.

Vinny, you know,
maybe I was a little

Too wild and crazy
and stressed you out and stuff.

And I totally let
our friendship down, snooki.

I'm, like, very upset
about that.

And, ronnie, like, you know,
I was a little combative

And meddlesome
in your relationship.

And I really do apologize.

You guys really do mean
a lot to me.

That's what
I was waitin' for.

All right?
You know what I'm saying?

That's what I was
waiting for.

It's nice for him to just say,
"I f*cked up.

I'm sorry."

But I really don't think we can
ever have that bond ever again.

Because I could forgive mike,

But I could never
forget it.

You manned up,
instead of everything

Just figuring itself out.

You actually took
the initiative.

I just wanted to say
real quick I apologize.

And if you wanna wait and see,
that's cool.

I'll take the wait and see.
That's fine.

You can do that. That's cool.
Prove me...

Prove my doubts wrong.

At least let me say it,
you know what I'm saying?

At least let me say
that I apologize.

I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna trust mike
for a very long time.

I mean, he acts
like he's great,

And then he goes off
and, like, lies and schemes.

And, therefore,
it's very hard to trust him.

But I'll play ball
until proven wrong.

I forgot to...

I never congratulated snooki
on her pregnancy

And her engagement.
Thanks.

Wait, are we supposed
to congratulate her

For being knocked up?
I thought we were supposed

To congratulate vinny for that.
[Laughter]

Just kidding.
You're an as*h*le.

Whoa!
Yes!

Summer's officially
started,

'Cause I fell off
the hammock.

[Laughter]

I think we should
go get ice cream.

Yay!

It's time to check out
the boardwalk,

Go see danny right now,

And see what this summer
has to offer for us.

Daniel.
Oh!

Look who's back.

'Bout time.
What up, man?

I've been waiting
for some help.

Press manager.

Hello, sir.
What's up, guys?

Snooki's pregnant.

It's hard to believe.

A child's having a child.

Do you have
maternity clothes here?

We have big shirts.
All right.

We missed danny,
you know?

He's kinda part
of our family too,

Even though he doesn't live
in our house.

All right, we just came
to say what's up, man.

We'll see you
on monday, man.

You guys got it, man.
My man, good to see you.

Good to see
you guys too.

I'm stoked you guys back.
Good to see you too.

We'll take it easy-
we'll take it easy on you.

It's all right.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Exhales]

So tomorrow's the first night
we're gonna go out?

You gonna be all right
with the temptation?

No, I actually was, um,

Tonight when I started
to hear music.

And I wasn't even, like...

I was on an ice tea, dog,
and I started dancing.

It's definitely gonna be
an extreme test

For me to, you know,
stay clean and sober

This entire summer.

I've never done it before.

[Voicemail beeps]
hey, babe.

I just wanted to call you
'cause I'm going to sleep.

[Coughs] and I wanted
to say good night.

So good night,
love you, bye.

So right now, like,
I'm a little sad

'Cause I miss my boyfriend.

I've been with him
for nine months.

Probably the longest
we've been separated

Was, like, two days.

So, this is definitely
gonna be different for us.

And I think, if we make it
through it,

It's just gonna make us
ten times stronger.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Excited
for a little gtl today?

It's time to get
this party started.

Sober situation 2012,
let's do it. Let's go.

Yo, did this whole house
wake up before 9:30?

That's, like, unheard of.

Where's sam?

And get nicole up.

We're leaving in ten.

This is a f*cking nightmare.

Everyone is up.

I'm like "what the f*ck
is going on?

This is so weird."

I want everyone
to be hung over,

So I can at least sleep in
a little bit.

sh*t.

Good morning, snooks.
Nice to see you up.

Maybe pregnant women
are not happy in the morning.

I did say good morning.
[Chuckles]

Maybe she didn't hear me.

Oh, I love this day.

It's so nice out.
Beautiful.

All eight of us are up
and powerhousing to the gym,

It's f*cking miracle
in this house.

That sh*t doesn't happen.

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Guy, I think I'm going
into labor.

This is what I've been dreading,
this feeling

Of wanting to work out
but I can't,

'Cause I'm restricted.

So it just sucks,

Because the girls
are going hardcore.

And, dude, like,
I wanna lose weight.

I wanna be in shape,
but I'm pregnant.

I always get a vein
in my forehead.

Yeah.
So it's, like, cool.

Like, I'm the old lady
that can't do anything.

How you feeling?
You all right?

Yeah.
You look good.

She got, like, that glow.
You know what I mean?

Yeah.
[Chuckles]

It's probably
that pregnant stuff, yo.

Like, I understand you're
trying to be friends with me,

But you're going a little
too far and it's awkward.

"You're so glowing."

You're so glowing
right now.

Simply sun.

Is paula working?
I believe so.

Hey, paula.
What up, paula?

Mike actually might be getting
wifed up right now,

Kissing paula in public.
Ooh.

Don't start. Don't start.
What the hell?

I'm like, "hmm,
something's going on here."

I wish I could tan.

I'm, like, depressed
right now.

Nicole not being able to tan

In a tanning salon...

I'm bored.

Is like a f*cking fish

Just, like, looking
at the ocean on the sand.

You're sweating.

I know, from basketball.
Oh, sorry.

Yo, you got
some more sun block?

f*ck.
Wrong bump.

I no longer have
any competition in the house

For the tannest guido.

'Cause snooki can't tan,
so I take the belt.

Roll out.
Thank you very much.

Bye, whitney.
Thank you.

I'm so hungry right now.

Do you guys wanna go
to the club tonight?

I feel like I have
to do something.

Unless it's raining.

Are you in deep thought?
Yeah.

What ya thinking about?

[Crying]
wait, what happened?

Nothing.
[Sniffling]

What's wrong?
Why?

We're all having
a great day, like,

With the girls,
and, out of nowhere,

Deena breaks down.

[Crying]

Vinny walks by and doesn't say
a word to jionni.

Like, it's so awkward.

Should have said,
"what's up, my 'g'?"

What's up?
Banged your girl.

We should go have a drink.

This is definitely
a big test.

Wait, what happened?

What's wrong?
Why?

We're all having
a great day, like,

With the girls,
and, out of nowhere,

Deena breaks down.

[Crying]

Is it chris?
Miss him?

Yeah, and I just feel
like it's only the second day.

Okay, but you
really like him.

It's understandable.

Dude, I feel
the same way.

[Exhales] god.
It's hard.

In the past, me and jenni
have come to the shore

And we're like,
"oh, I miss my boyfriend."

And deena always
makes fun of us.

And she's like,
"ugh, these girls

"And their boyfriends.

I just wanna go out
and have fun."

And now deena understands,
like,

What me and jenni
have been feeling

When we're away
from our boyfriends.

It takes a little bit.

At least you can call him
anytime you want.

It's not like, you know-
you're not in italy.

No, yeah.
You could drive away.

Imagine that.

I know.
This is normal.

You'll get through it, though.

You have the three of us.

You can always cry to us.
We don't care.

We've all been there.

I just feel like,
I feel like this now.

Like, it's only been
the second day.

You'll get used to it
before you know it.

If you keep busy doing things-
yeah, just keep busy.

If you're sitting there
thinking about stuff,

That's when it's gonna be bad.

I get anxiety, you know.

I know. We know.

It'll be fine.
I know.

I just miss him,
that's all.

I bet.
[Chuckles]

I thought maybe you just
got your period

Or something,
and you couldn't get up.

[Laughter]

I was about to be like,
"are you okay?"

Like, "what's going on?"

Oh, my god.
This is gonna be a long summer.

Let's get out of here.

Whoa.

[Soft rock music]

♪ ♪

So karma tonight?

Yeah.
First night at karma.

What time are we trying
to go out tonight?


All: 11:00.

What time is it?








Yeah.

I tell time.

I don't wanna be sitting home
in bed like,

"Cool, everyone's
at karma."

So me and jionni
are going on a date

To luna rosa for dinner.

It's gonna help me
not think about it and be upset.

[Dial tone]

[Dialing]

[Phone ringing]

Hello?
Where are you?

I'll be there in probably


All right?
Yeah.

And stop and get flowers.

What if I did that already?

Then you're
a good fiance.

All right, um, I'll see you
in a little bit.

All right, bye.
Bye.

I can't believe vin and mike
are in the jacuzzi.

I can't go in the jacuzzi
unless there's naked chicks.

[Laughter]

Looks a little weird,
I'm not gonna lie.

Maybe you should bring home
a girl

And go in there tonight.

[Laughs]
not you, you.

[Laughs]
I was like, "oh, yeah?"

No, not you.
You thought so too, right?

That was awesome.

You're trying to be a-
whoa!

Yes! Yes!
[Laughter]

She goes down!

Yes!
[Laughter]

Yo, it's a given.

Anybody that sits
in that thing is gonna fall.

[Laughs]
I thought I had it.

Summer has
officially started,

'Cause I fell off
the hammock.

What else is new
over here?

[Chuckles]
not much.

So you guys are going
to karma without me.

I know.
Wack.

It's so weird.
I'm jealous.

[Chuckles]

First time too,
in the summer.

We all go hard
the first time.

You know what I mean?
Cool!

Keep telling me.

Just make sure you
take shots for me

And pretend I'm there.

We will.

[Knock at door]

Ahh!

[Door opens]

Hi.
Hello.

Thank you.

Mmm.
Missed you.

I'm really excited
to see jionni for date night.

I'm hoping maybe I'll have
a little sex drive tonight,

But I don't know.

Because I'm feeling
very gassy.

I like it.
Oh, my god.

Is it comfy?
Who does that?

Can I feel it?
Is that a hotel robe?

I think my mom
robbed it from a hotel.

When vinny walks by
and doesn't say a word

To jionni, like,
it's so awkward.

So I give jionni
a lot of props

For, like, self-control,

Because I know he wants
to k*ll vinny.

Bye, guys.
All right, guys.

Both: bye, have fun.
Maybe see you.

Maybe I'll cross you
in karma.

That kid jionni
hates me, bro.

What happened,
did he dap out with you?

Nah, I walked by,
and he didn't even look at me.

Really?

Wow.
That's crazy.

You should have said,
"what's up, my 'g'?"

Nah, I'm not gonna
say what's up.

"f*cking what's up?

Banged your girl."

Oh, yeah.
Like, it's weird.

I guess
that would be awkward.

Only mike does sh*t
like that.

[Laughter]

Joey, what's up?
Who's that?

Friend joe.

Hey, what's going on?
How are ya?

[Overlapping greetings]

Why do you know
everyone?

Jionni knows everyone
down the shore.

So when we do go out,
you know,

It's like talking
to everybody.

Like, "hey, how you been?"
But, dude, I'm pregnant.

I just wanna eat,
come on.

Nicole, this is emily.
Hi, nicole.

[Overlapping greetings]

Jesus.

Do you know these people?

Shut up.

[Army of freshmen's
down at the shore ]

♪ Summer, come please ♪

♪ Tell me what
you've waited for ♪

♪ It's been so cold
I can't take it anymore ♪

♪ It's been years
but I've been here before ♪

♪ Waiting for you here ♪

♪ Down at the shore ♪

Mike, you gotta change
those f*cking underwear, dude.

Uh-oh.
Oh, "d."

Blue ba*ls tonight.
Whoa.

Holy sh*t.

Looks like a blue marker.

Damn.

If all else fails,
I'll dig in that a*s.

[Laughter]

Don't be fresh.

Don't disrespect.
You look hot.

He was fresh.
He didn't say anything bad.

He just said he wanted
to dig into that a*s.

[Laughter]

Don't disrespect
for chris.

No, my bad.
He's just kidding.

My bad, chris,
who I've never met.

Tonight is a big test.

This is probably
the first club

That I'm going to,
I guess, sober.

[Chuckles]
so we're gonna check it out.

And, um, I'ma have some fun.

Yeah, man! Yeah, man!
Yeah, man!

Please stop, dude.

[Laughs]

We're leaving!

Are you excited?

Yes.

Damn, where's snooks?
Feels weird.

I know.
It feels weird.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do

Without my partner in crime.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Oh, god.
[Laughs]

What can we do right now?

I want to do
something fun.

[Indistinct restaurant chatter]

You wanna go dance
so bad.

I'm trying to enjoy
this date with jionni.

But in the back of my head,
I'm thinking,

"I wish I was there
the first night of karma."

You know, that's, like,
a big night that I'm missing.

Do you wanna stay here
till your friends come?

Oh, my friends?
[Chuckles]

Wanna go to karma?
Huh?

You know, I could probably
still go to karma

And dance and just rage.

But I just know

That I'm gonna be wanting
to take shots and drink.

I just don't know
what to do.

So what do you want to do?

[Techno music]

[Indistinct chatter]

Cheers, b*tches!

Cheers!

[Laughs]

Get to karma,
the music's playing,

The drinks are flowing,
and I'm like,

"Whoo!
This is gonna be fun."

I just wanna party.

You know you've
been doing this a long time

When every girl I'm like,
"oh, I smashed her.

I smashed her."

So what do you wanna do?

Wanna say hi to rob
real quick before you leave?

At karma?
You could.

Don't lie. Don't you think
it's trashy for...

To see a pregnant lady
at a club?

It's like, "go the f*ck home
and go to sleep.

Take care of yourself."

Jionni's really trying
to get me to go into karma

Because he wants
to say hi to his friends.

But I just don't wanna go in.

I don't wanna be
that pregnant girl in the club.

I really don't.
Do what you have to do.

If you don't wanna go,
you don't go.

Are you getting irritated?

I wanna do what you wanna do.
I don't care.

I just wanna be with you.

[Cheering]

Are you okay here?

Yeah, I am.
Good.

I'm happy.
Keep it that way.

Thank you.
Yep.

Just keep it that way.

This is the first true test
for me.

This is the first time
I ever tried to go to a club

Clean of prescription
painkillers and alcohol.

We should go have a drink.

Do you wanna have a drink?

I'm... I'm...

I'm not drinking tonight.

That's cool, though,
like...

Like i-i legit respect that.

Like, that's cool
as sh*t.

Honestly, it's weird
without nicole.

Yeah, it really is.

Do you wish
you were going to karma?

See, I enjoy doing this.

This is my night out.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm not gonna be here
next weekend.

Why?
I'm going to florida...

For the fight.

So I'm not gonna see you
for a week?

Just next weekend.

Damn it.

Like, what the f*ck
am I gonna do

When jionni's gone?

Everyone wants to drink
and party and go crazy.

No one's gonna stay home
and hang out with me.

♪ Yes, it'll be
a wild night ♪

♪ Better open your eyes ♪

♪ Yes, it'll be
a wild night ♪

♪ ♪