01x05 - Just Another Day at the Shore

[bunniefuu]

She was feeling me
the whole time.

Really? 'Cause I was
f*ck' feeling ronnie too.

Yo, you was feeling me.

You was holding my hand
the whole time at the boardwalk.

What was that?

You f*ck with me half the night,
and you're f*ck' my boy

The other half of the night?

Me and sammi are pretty much
together at this point.

It feels right.
Just, like, it clicks.

Yes, I had sex.
Like, hello.

You're gonna have sex
if you're into somebody.

We smushed.

She won't even remember
her boyfriend's name

When she gets done with me.

I'm, like,
sucking up my pride right now

And apologizing.

At the end of the day,

I've realized how much
tom means to me.

I honestly would, like,
give up anything

To have tom in my life.

They're starting
to get to know me.

Like, all of them,
they're like,

"You know what, snooki,
you're a real cool girl."

I'm like, "thank you."
Like, finally.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you f*cking serious?

Is this kid gonna
f*cking hit a girl?

[All shouting indistinctly]

Dj pauly delvecchio.

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny!
Go, vinny!

Um, hello!

It's not for you.

Man, f*ck you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What the f*ck are you
talking about right now?

It's not for you.
Who are you? Go away.

Julio orders all of us drinks,
like, all of us shots.

These guys come over, and
they just take all the shots.

Like, are you that frickin',
like, poor

That you can't afford
your own drinks?

It's not for you guys.
It's not.

So why don't you
pay for them?

Listen, this guy's
buying for us.

Shut the f*ck up.

Don't tell me to
shut the f*ck up, bro.

I'm not telling you to...

Get your f*ck' ugly a*s
out of our faces.

[All yelling at once]

Are you gonna hit a girl?

This kid just hit her.

[Sobbing]

Serious?

Let him go!

[All yelling at once]

Are you f*ck' serious?

You can't hit a girl!

[Overlapping yelling]

[Sobbing]

[Indistinct chatter]

Get away from her.
Get away from her.

I'm just laying there,
and I'm like,

"Yo, what the f*ck
just happened?"

Are you serious?

Is this kid gonna
f*cking hit a girl?

Are you f*cking kidding me?
Are you f*cking kidding me?

Don't f*cking touch me, man.

[Overlapping yelling]

You're going to jail.

[All shouting indistinctly]

[Sobbing]

Me and sam just kind of,
like, picked her up

And, like, carried her
to the bathroom.

And her mouth was
just bleeding

And blood was all over me.

Who the f*ck
hits a girl like that?

She's bleeding all over.

What the f*ck kind of kids
hit a f*cking girl, bro?

Stop. Stop. Stop.

We're all heated
at this point.

We're like, we can't believe
that happened.

Like, I've never seen that
in my life.

A guy's gonna punch
a female in the face.

It's crazy.

Go home, bro,
go home.

Go home, bro.

Dude, you hit a girl?

I never even f*ck
seen that before.

Who hits a girl?

We were just so pissed
and, like, frustrated.

Like we were just
running around, like,

Looking for his friends
trying to just, like,

Take out our anger
on somebody.

Vin, vin, vin, vin,
come on, come here.

Come here, bro, relax.
Relax, bro.

Where is she, where is she,
though, where is she?

She's all right.
Relax.

Let me talk to her.

No, just relax.
Don't even talk, you're fine.

[Crying]

I missed the whole thing,
I'm so sorry.

We did-
it's all right.

Oh, my god!

It's all right,
nicole, nicole, nicole.

It's all right, babe.

No, no, no, you're fine,
you're fine.

Calm down, calm down.
She's fine, she's fine.

Where's the blood
coming from?

Her mouth.
Her mouth, she's fine.

All right, calm down.
It was bad.

'Cause I was still in shock.
I didn't know what was going on.

It was like, did I really
just get hit by a guy?

Like, what the f*ck?

You have a little cut
right there, and that's it.

It's fine.
It's in my f*cking gum.

Okay, I understand.

That kid
is never gonna be able

To f*ck' walk
this earth again

'Cause he's known as punching
a girl in the face, okay?

This was, like,
just a regular girl,

Like, my sister
or my friends.

And you're, like,
a grown-a*s guy

And you punch her
in the mouth.

The cop's are gonna
talk to you, okay?

They kicked everyone out,
and me and nicole were left.

We went outside for
the medical exam to look at her.

When you get back
to your room,

What you can do is you can
stick 'em in the freezer,

Put it back on, you know,

Wait about 20 minutes
in between.

And you shouldn't have
any swelling or anything.

[Siren blaring]

Why can't I just
go home right now?

I'm, like, fuming.
I need to, like, go home.

Let's go back
to the house, bro.

Jackie, you need to hang out.
I don't know what you're doing.

We'll just hang out
for a little bit.

Are you kidding me?

I don't know what mike
was thinking about,

But snickers
is, like, crying

Because she got
punched in the face,

And, like, the situation's
creepin'.

You can go home
with scott later.

I just-
I live at his house.

So tell him
you'll come back later.

Don't worry,
you could sleep at the house.

Yo, mike,
you're a f*cking creep.

Like, what are you doing?

I wish they would
let him out of the cop car.

Where the f*ck were we all?

Like, that's our girl
right there.

It all happened so quick.

He'd better not hope
I don't find out his name, bro.

What could she have
possibly have done

For a grown man to punch
snickers in the face?

It ended up being a really,
really, f*cked-up night.

If I see any one
of those kids again,

There's gonna be no question.

f*ck' cowards.

All I wanted was my father.
Honestly.

That's all I wanted.

But I can't believe f*ck'
someone could be like that.

sh*t like that's not normal.

I don't know what to say.

I wasn't even in that shot.
I wish I was.

There was a couple people
that didn't have shots,

So I was like, "two, three more.
Two, three more."

Mike kind of instigated it.

I don't know where these
f*ck' kids come from,

But mike's buying them
shot after shot after shot.

I'm sorry,
two more, two more, two more.

Take it, take it,
take it, take it.

You know,
you're instigating it.

All of a sudden,
snickers was like,

"These shots aren't
for you guys."

And all of a sudden,
I saw a jab,

And I was like-
I was in shock.

I was like, "what?"

Next thing you know,
it was just crazy.

Like, you don't do something
for somebody

That didn't do anything
for you.

This is what we got
in return,

Snickers punched in the face.

She doesn't want to talk
to anyone.

Her mouth is pretty
f*cked up.

Snooks don't wanna talk
to nobody.

[Crying]

I never expected to ever
get hit by a guy.

Ever.

No, I don't.

After snooki came home,
I told her that night,

I was like, you know,
"I love you."

I was like, you know,
"we're all like family."

I look at her completely
different now.

Now I know that they all,

They all love me
like I love them.

Like, I stuck up for them.

That's why I got
hit in the face.

And I think they realized that

And they realize
I'm a nice person

And I care about
everybody in this house.

So now they all feel
the same way about me.

Ronnie, what's wrong?

I'm like, I feel so mad
because, like,

Mike saw it happen.

He did?

Yeah, he said
he saw it happen.

[Crying]

Oh, my god, please
don't tell me I'm missing teeth.

Please don't tell me
I'm missing teeth.

How do you watch a girl
get hit in her face

And you do nothing?

And, like, you still have
the ba*ls to creep.

Like, we're outside in the-
like, worrying about the cops

And he's trying to creep on
that girl, that f*ck' jackie.

Jackie, you need to hang out.
I don't know what you're doing.

We'll just hang out
for a little bit.

This individual
has been released on bail.

Like, I don't know
what he's gonna do.

He's a f*cking crazy lunatic.

[All cheering]

I feel bad for ronnie
every single day we party.

In a minute.

Ronnie's wasting his time
with sam.

[All cheering]

Just go in?
No, you knock.

[Knocking on door]

Well, the door's open.

[Knocking on door]

Continue knocking, or...

[Knocking on door]

There you go.

This house is f*cking
atrocious.

[Knocking]

We might be here
for a while.

[Chuckles]

Let's just leave everything
and then walk away.

Hi, honey.
Hey, you're early.

Early? It's 11:00.
We're on time. You're late.

I'm still pissed off
about what happened last night

At beachcomber,
but my parents are here.

So, you know, what I mean,

I'm gonna spend the day
with them.

You just got up?
I did not eat yet.

Well, can you, like,
get yourself together?

So we can go have
something to eat?

Well, I wanna wait
for samantha

'Cause I want samantha
to come with us.

All right, samantha
gonna sleep till, like, 3:00?

She's in the shower.
Oh.

Let's not make this
an all-day event.

Yeah, really, come on.
Fluff up quick.

It was important for sammi
to have lunch with my family.

With the way things
are going now,

It seems like it's gonna
go past the house.

So I wanted my mom
to know what's going on

And stuff like that.

Is samantha ready?
Yeah, she's almost ready.

You know how you girls are.

I definitely wanna look good
for ronnie's parents

Because this is the first time
they're meeting me.

Like, I want them to
think, like, "wow, that's her?

She's really pretty,"
and whatever.

Time is of the essence.

Yeah, really,
I could have been getting

My tan on right now.

Can you go inside
and find out what's going on?

Yeah.
Please?

'Cause I'm running out
of some patience.

Ronnie's parents are here.

They're really,
really cool.

I'll come out.

I wasn't really in the mood
to, like, you know, meet them

Because I was still, like,
getting over

What happened last night.

Like, I can't even talk.

I can't drink,
I can't even brush my teeth.

Yeah, I got,
I got some ice packs for you.

But, um,
I just sucked it up.

I went outside.
I met his parents.

Ronnie's family is so cute.
Like, they're funny.

They're just like ronnie.

Here.
Thank you.

All right?

We had a little incident
last night.

We were at the bar,
and a grown man

Decided to punch her
in the face.

Really?
Oh, hell, no.

And you guys didn't, like,
go and bash him?

We couldn't.

It happened, like...

This kid is, like,
so lucky the cops were there.

Because I was about
to barrel through cops.

I was that-
I was that heated.

Let's go back to that bar.

[Laughter]

Sam, tell her...

She's wasting her time
on her hair, because...

Hey, ma, cut the sh*t.

But I'm saying-
f*ck' rude, man.

But you are, though.
'Cause you are.

My mom's talking sh*t.

It's like, relax,
like, you know what I mean?

Like, you f*cking drink
your mimosa,

Smoke another cigarette,
and f*ck' take it easy.

You're so blunt.
It's, like, it's sickening.

It really is.

I'm just saying that-
don't waste her time on hair,

'Cause I'm ready to pin
my hair up

'Cause it's so damn hot.

Oh, my gosh,
why is he so sensitive?

You're so, like, blunt,
like, about everything.

And you're not.

Yeah, but I'm, like,
less rude.

And you're not.
See where I get it from?

I definitely don't think
it's hard

To meet ronnie's parents.

They're either gonna love me
or hate me.

There's nothing
I can do about it.

I'm not gonna try
and be fake for anybody.

Hi.
Your little brother?

He looks just like you.

He wishes.
Hi.

Ha, wish is right.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you. So do you.
I love your dress.

You ready?
Come on, let's go.

Have fun.

Ma, why don't
you go on that?

Oh, okay.

You wanna get
your ears pierced?

No!
No?

No, you're a butt...

I think sammi's, like,
the fourth girl

To meet my mother
or something like that.

Let's play the water thing,
come on.

All of us, come on.
I'm gonna win.

You don't hide anything
from my family.

So I wanted my mom
to know what's going on.

[Cheering]

Any prize you want.

A lot of the feelings
that I have for sam

Are feelings that I've never
felt for any other girl.

There's one.
There's one!

Next one's a charm,
look at him.

Another winner over here.

Mussels marinade.

Mussels marinade.

Here see,
now you got a bear.

Instead of a dog.
No, it's a dog.

I got you a doggy for it.

Ah, thank you.
Now you have a bear.

He's, like, soft.

Do you wanna sit?
Yeah.

I just wanna basically
be there for nicole.

I always have my friend's back
in any situation like that.

If you're my friend, like,

I'm gonna defend you
till the end.

Why does all this
sh*t happen to me?

Don't worry.
He's gonna get his.

f*ck my life.

You get some food,
feel better.

Drink heavily.

You'll drink with me?

You want to?
Are you serious?

I will.

Jwoww is my girl
in the house.

She's always there for me.

Like, if I need
someone to talk to,

She gives great advice.

Cheers.

How the hell am I supposed
to drink that?

[Laughter]

That was...

[Laughter]

If I don't do that,
it'll drool.

Do you want a little one?

Don't make me laugh,
please.

Like, it really hurts.
[Laughs]

-All right, zack,
vamanos.

Bye, honey, I love you.
I love you too.

Sam met my family.

My mother loves her,
and my family loves her.

So I'm very happy about that.

Drive safe, huh?

Thank you, it was a pleasure
meeting you too.

Enjoy yourselves.
Where did vinny go?

Ronnie's family are
cool people.

You know, I can see
where he comes from.

I knew they were gonna be cool
'cause of the way he is.

Oh, vin, I didn't see you.
I'll see you again.

I felt like I was kind of with
my family when I was with them.

Bye, guys.
All: bye.

Bye, guys.

Please listen carefully
to this message.

You are registered with us
to receive updates

About an offender
whose last name is...

Don't you touch me, man.
Are you kidding?

Don't touch me, man.
Let's go, let's go.

This individual
has been released on bail.

If you have any concerns
about your immediate safety...

[Yelling at once]

Contact your local
law enforcement agency.

You know, I don't know what's
gonna happen if I see him.

You okay?

I don't know what
he's gonna do to me.

Everybody should take
each side of my plate

And walk it to the garbage.
I don't think so.

Mike thinks he's in control
in the house.

Is it embarrassing that
I put together a feast tonight?

Yeah, everybody did too.
Not just you.

Who's your fat friend?

She called snickers fat,
and that triggered me.

[Overlapping yelling]

This individual has been
released on bail.

If you have any concerns
about your immediate safety,

Contact your local
law enforcement agency.

I get a call from the police
that he's been bailed.

Felt totally uncomfortable.

What do you think
he'll get charged with?

A lot. as*ault,
all that sh*t.

If I see him,
I'm like, scared, you know?

Like, I don't know
what he's gonna do.

He's a f*ck' crazy lunatic.

He still has
the felony against him.

He still has to go
up again,

So, you know,
he could be serving...

That's true, yeah.

Someone just paid for him
to get out of jail.

Do you wanna go tanning
later?

After I get done here
and go to the nail salon?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I definitely feel like
the whole, like,

Snooki incident brought
the housemates closer together.

Nobody wants anybody to mess
with anybody in the house

'Cause we're gonna be
right there for that person.

Jenny.
[Laughs]

Oh, my god. Like...

I'm not even gonna
go into that, like, honestly.

I don't know what's gonna happen
with me and ronnie.

Like, every day
is something new.

Every day's been getting better
and better.

I just really like where I am
right now.

I like our whole situation.

He makes me, like,
really happy.

♪ [Record skipping]
one, two ♪

♪ One, two ♪

[Phone beeping]

[Line trilling]

Hi, carmine, please.

Yes, this is carmine.

I'm a dj.

And I'm a dj back home
in rhode island, dj pauly d.

I dj six nights a week.

I wanted to know
if I can spin there one night

While everybody attends.

I'm doing him a favor
'cause I see the spot

Has some potential,

And I like to throw down
a sick mix.

And that's gonna bring
people to his spot.

What type of a following
do you have?

My venue sometimes
fit 500 people like that...

Wow.
You know what I mean?

Okay, then I'll see you
tomorrow

Between 9:00 and 10:00.

All right, yeah,
we'll do that.

So I'll see you this thursday.
All right, cool.

All right, paul, thanks.
All right, thanks, carmine.

Girls love a dj,
so once they see me

Behind the wheels of steel
over there doing my thing,

Watch out.

Lobsters?

Are they alive?
Yeah, bro.

Yeah, they alive. All right.
Put them in the fridge.

Snooki's surprisingly
better.

And, you know,
she's going about her day.

Forgetting about
what happened yesterday,

Which is the right thing
to do.

And we're gonna have
a stay-at-home night

For snickers,
and a big dinner.

You know what,
I actually thought

There was gonna be more
going into cooking all this.

It's gonna be a feast
on the dinner table.

But the situation's got it
under control.

All right, you guys.

The situation's got it
under control.

[Laughter]

I love you guys.
I love you guys.

Look at this guy...

Yo, he's big, bro.
Big m*therf*cker.

Look at those f*ck' claws.
Holy sh*t.

Get at him.
Throw him in.

Throw them all in.
Throw them all in.

Snooks. Come here.
You gotta k*ll one.

I came home when
they were k*lling the lobsters.

I was like,
"yo, are those real?"

Like, that's disgusting.

I'm a vet tech.

Like I save animals,
I don't k*ll them.

Look, he's moving.
He's alive.

[Screams]

That's why I don't eat
frickin' lobster

Or anything like that,

Because they're alive
when you k*ll it.

Like, that's disgusting.

Let me know when it's ready.
I'm gonna go lay down.

What did you say?
Let me know when it's ready?

Yeah, I'm gonna go lay down.

Wow, the girls are like,
"let me know when it's ready."

The dinner that we're gonna
put together

Is gonna be
an unbelievable dinner

And takes a lot of time
and preparation to put together.

And the girls, you know,

Don't have really
any part of it.

And this is crazy.

I mean, I know that us guys
are awesome.

But come on, girls,
at least chip in a little bit.

f*ck' feast.

Pauly's in shock.
So good.

That's amazing to me.
Let's just eat, son.

Just wanna thank god

For everything that we have
right now,

Especially that snickers
is okay.

Amen.
[Chuckles]

Um, we're all here
for each other.

It could have been
a lot worse.

I think what happened
to snickers

Brought us a lot closer
to snickers, definitely,

'Cause now we, like,
kind of feel bad

And she's a real person.

I mean, we get on her
and stuff like that,

But we still care for her.

I tried to eat,
but I couldn't get it

In my frickin' mouth
because I'm disabled.

So I was like...

[Chuckles]

Snickers is having trouble
eating all food.

It's so sad.

Like, she just doesn't
deserve that.

Who can't clean up
their plate here?

Get the f*ck out of here.

I just cooked f*ck'
for, like, two hours.

Good job, you cooked food
for everybody.

Have I ever asked you
to cook me food? No.

Do you do it? Yeah.

Can you clean up after
yourself?

Yeah, you can clean your plate
off the table.

Everybody should take
each side of my plate

And walk it to the garbage.

I don't think so.
I'm not touching your plate.

I'm not cleaning it up.
I'm not cleaning it up.

There's no way
I'm cleaning that up.

Just 'cause you cooked
doesn't mean sh*t.

I'm not touching one dish
because I cooked a crazy meal

And she's got the nerve
to tell me to clean my plate.

You know what?

You are excluded
from dinner, then.

From now on, you are excluded
from the surf and turf night.

You're excluded
from ravioli night.

You're excluded
from chicken cutlet night.

Mike was just being
a stubborn little b*tch,

To be honest with you.

And, like,
I wasn't gonna let him,

Like, disrespect sammi,
so I f*ck' picked up the plate

And I cleaned it for him.

Oh, f*ck' ron-ron
cleaned my plate.

Get the f*ck out of here.

Isn't that embarrassing
to you?

No, it's not embarrassing.

I kind of feel like mike

Thinks he's in control
in the house.

He's the man of the house.

Is it embarrassing

That I put together
a feast tonight?

Yeah, and everybody did too.
Not just you.

No, no, no, no.

And everybody cleaned up
their plates here.

No, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We coordinated a feast
while you were getting

Your nail
and your hair did today.

I didn't get no nails done
or my hair did.

That's a bunch
of bullshit.

Mike, clean
the f*ck' dishes.

I look over,
and I see, like,

Hair being pulled
and all this sh*t.

I'm like, "oh, my god.
Like, how do I get in?"

[Overlapping yelling]

That's why you don't call
jwoww fat 'cause you'll get hit.

I took the boss' girl.

Oh, my god!

I didn't know snickers
got hit.

I thought it was
one of the guys.

I heard it.

I f*ck' felt it
when he hit her.

I thought her f*ck' teeth
were gone.

Mike instigated
the whole thing,

'Cause mike
was buying them shots.

Mike was buying them drinks.

Yeah, never again, dude.

Mike only does care about
himself.

He doesn't care about nicole.

This kid just point blank
in the face hit her,

And mike stood back
and didn't do anything.

I'm happy
you like snickers now.

Snickers is cool.

I was the one that talked to her
that night.

I went in there and I had
a heart-to-heart with her.

Yesterday,
she was like, "ronnie,

Thank you for everything."

You know? Like-
I feel... Like, I told...

I was like,
"cause I get on you"...

You know what pissed me off?

When you were doing that,
mike decided to come in.

Yeah, and like...

You know?

Like, you never said
two words to her, mike.

Like, what the f*ck?

Mike, I don't f*ck'
like you.

He puts on a show.

He acts like somebody
that he's not.

And I pretty much don't
like him at all in any way.

We're going to f-cove
on this beautiful fishing boat.

F-cove is pretty much,
like,

This just awesome
summer boat place.

I think it'll be a great time.

[Engine turns over]

Our boat is called
fuggetabowdit.

And right when I saw that,
I was like,

"Yo, this is our boat."

Like, that's amazing.
I loved it.

All right, guys,
here we are, f-cove.

[Cheering]

Lot of fun,
lot of good times.

You see everybody swimming
and hanging out in here.

So it's pretty cool.

F-cove is a spot
where all the boats meet up

And they all tie together
and have this, like, huge party.

[Cheers and applause]

You can party-hop
from boat to boat to boat.

[Cheers and applause]

It's like paradise
on the water.

[Cheers and applause]

Look at j trying
to get over that.

[Laughter]

Jwoww!

Swim, girl.

See you next week.

Look at him, look at him,
look at him.

Like, what is she doing?
He's an old fat man.

He looks like my father.

[Laughs loudly]

He looks like a fat-
he's got a nice body.

I don't even think
it's nice.

I think it's just fat.
[Laughs]

Her t*ts are gonna fall out.
Oh, my god.

Come on, juicehead!
Whoo-hoo.

[Laughter]

She looks like a mermaid.

[Laughter]

I'm about to piss myself.

That was f*ck'- [laughter]

I'm on a boat.
Yo, sam, don't...

[Laughter]

I got my mic on me.

[Laughter]

[Cheering,
rhythmically clapping]

We're dancing on the decks
and just having an awesome time.

My hair didn't even move
an inch

And I was in and out of
the water.

My hair's windproof,
waterproof, soccerproof,

Motorcycle proof.

I'm not sure
if my hair's bulletproof.

I'm not willing to try that.

I feel bad for ronnie
every single day we party.

In a minute.

In a minute.

On the boat,
there's tons of girls.

He could have been dancing
with them, with all of us.

But instead, ronnie's wasting
his time with sam.

[Cheering]

Snickers,
let's go back to the house.

So I'm talking to this guy.
He was, like, really cute.

He was, like, my type.

Ron's screaming,
"we have to leave."

I'm like, "calm down."

Like, let me just get
this guy's number and we'll go.

[Cheering]

Snickers,
get the f*ck in the water.

Let's go.

I'm tired.

Like, I wanna get the f*ck
out of here,

So let's get out of here.

[Cheering]

[Screaming]

I couldn't believe ronnie

Threw me in the frickin' lake
like that.

I just think he wanted
to, like, leave,

Like, round up everyone
and leave.

Like, that pisses me off.

I was pissed off.

Like, right when I f*ck'
met a guy

And I went to get his number
and hang out with him,

We had to leave.

Like, just my luck.

♪ And your love has gone ♪

♪ You carry on ♪

♪ This is her song ♪

♪ This is her song
from now on ♪

Who's your fat friend?

She called snickers fat,
and that triggered me.

[Overlapping yelling]

You were saying, like,
how hot I was.

[Laughs]

All of a sudden, he pulls
this move on the boss' girl?

Oh, my god!

Leave a message yet?
No.

Just be, like,
"it's pauly and mike.

"We wanna know if
you're coming through.

"If not, just call us
and let us know.

We'll hang out another day."
That's it.

There is definitely
a numbers game

When it comes to girls.

Let's just say, you know,

Ten girls have slipped you
their number

Within that particular week.

There's the possibility that,
like, five or six

May not answer.

[Line trilling]

Somebody, you know, may pick up,
but they're busy.

Okay,
can I call you back...

Yeah,
just call me right back,

'Cause this is the only line.
Call till you get us.

Okay.
All right, bye.

All right, bye.

Well, probably
on three and four,

They're probably coming over

And I'm gonna have
to make a decision

On which group of girls
I want to come over

For me and my boy pauly.

And it's just you
and your girl?

It would be two girls.
Is the other one cute?

Of course.
She's gorgeous.

All right, we got a situation.
Hey, pauly.

As long as you keep calling,
there will be success

In your numbers game.

It's just like anything.

Pauly and mike
are always looking for girls,

You know what I mean?

I think they're going fishing
tonight.

They'll probably scrape
something off the boardwalk.

So the rest of us, we're gonna
go over to bamboo tonight.

I'll see you
when we get back.

Baby, how are you?
Hi.

What's up?
I remember you.

Hey, sweetheart.
How are you?

You guys come in,
I wanna show you around.

Stephanie, jen, and jackie,
they're cool girls.

They're smart and everything,

But they wanna hook up
just as well.

But I think it will take

A couple times seeing them
to hook up.

They're not, like, wh*res.

So what's up?
What's going on with this party?

I don't know, trying to get
something started,

But he's not drinking anything.

Oh. What is going on, bro?

Pressure me to drink.
Oh, what is going on?

Step in line, son.
Step it up, man.

I won't drink wine,
I'll drink vodka.

Yeah, why don't you
go get the vodka, man?

Stop punking out right now.

Am I really the missing factor
to this party right now?

You are the missing factor.

You are the "x"
in the equation right now.

I do like your girl, though.

I do like your girl.

Is she cute?
Yeah, she's gorgeous.

She's brazilian.
I do like your girl.

I'm actually taking her
for lunch and dinner.

Good.
And dinner?

And dinner. She gets-
holy sh*t.

Stephanie is a girl
that I met at bamboo.

And she's actually
a pretty girl

That I'm attracted to
to the point where

I'd rather do sweet things
for you

Instead of, you know,
just come home and hook up.

It's, like,
a different situation.

I wanted to fist pump.

No, I don't think
any of us do that.

[Indistinct chatter]

That's a fake jersey thing.

Listen to me.

I dance because it's something
inside of me.

I think you can dance
all you want.

You can dance right now.
We like to beat the beat up.

I feel the beat, right?
And you beat it up.

It might just so happen
that my fists

Might just pump in the air.

It might just happen.

It has nothing to do
with new jersey, new york...

They're pretty cool.

You know, there are some girls
that are just gonna come here,

Strip off their clothes,
and jump into the jacuzzi.

You get a lot of use
out of the hot tub?

Not yet; we've been
in here for, like,

A week or... A week now.

Then there are some girls
that are respectful,

That you have to just
actually treat like girls,

Human beings, and these were
those type of girls.

This is exciting.
Monday night.

A little bit.
[Laughter]

We were all at bamboo
drinking and partying

And having a good time.

But in the corner,
these girls were, like,

Running their mouth,
saying stupid sh*t.

Is everybody on a short leash
like me?

Yeah, I'm on a short leash
right now.

Very short.

My fuse is so short right now
with all these people.

These girls yelling at us,

Just kind of
in our face annoying,

And then she started
making fun of snooki.

I can't hear you.

She called snickers fat,
and that, like, triggered me.

So I threw my drink
in her face.

[Splashes]

[Overlapping yelling]

I look over,
and I see, like,

Hair being pulled
and all this sh*t.

I'm like, "oh, my god.
Like, how do I get in?"

[All yelling at once]

Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop.

I didn't really see
what happened.

My back was turned.
I think I was dancing with sam.

I think the girl
called her fat.

[Overlapping yelling]

I would have tried
to uppercut her,

But at that point,
I had too many bouncers

Wrapped around me.

I just wished for, like,
three more seconds.

I would have...

I would have done justice.

That's why you don't call
jwoww fat,

'Cause you'll get hit.

I'm walking
these beautiful girls out.

Bye, pauly.

[Laughter]

The night ended just, like,
you know, smoothly,

Nothing crazy.

You know, I just kissed
each one of them

On the cheek good-bye,
let them go.

I know mike spent
a little bit more time

With his brazilian chick,
and you know,

We're definitely gonna hang out
with them in the future.

'Cause I know
how this all works, so...

What do you mean?

But what happens
if I like you, though?

I can't, like,
take you out?

No, it means that I know
about stuff already.

What do you mean you know
about stuff already, what?

I'm not gonna talk about this
right now.

Oh, really?

But I'll let you know
I know about stuff.

Like what?

You know what they said
about me and you?

What?

These girls are like-
these girls?

These girls.

She's like, "everybody's talking
about mikey and pauly d,

The problem and the situation."

They're hooking up
with everybody.

That's so banging, dude.
That's so banging.

All I wanna do is make a name
for myself in jersey.

There's the name.

That's what she said.

Where's my purse?
Where's my purse?

Hey, get her purse.
Thank you.

Jenny said that the girl
was, like,

Calling us all fat
and whatever.

And, like, that's not cool.
Like, just back off.

You know there's gonna be,
like, tension

If you're gonna start
saying something

To one of my roommates.

So f*cking tired
of them, man.

Karma!

That was way too much fun.

Yeah, it was!
That was fun.

She said they were all fat?

I go, "why" -
look at her!

I know.

I was about to knock
her friends out,

But we're all walking,
so, like, f*ck it.

Jwoww f*cking
beat a b*tch up tonight.

I tried to get in it,
and I couldn't.

Good for you, though.

I don't know
what I did, though.

I wanted to see the aftermath.

You k*lled her.

You f*cking tackled her
like a f*cking monkey.

Like this.

She was like, "oh, my god!"
What?

Her friend was like, "eww!"
[Laughs]

What did she say?

She was like-[stammers]

She was like, "get off
my hair, like, what's going on?"

[Stammers and laughs]

Mommy!

Like a monkey?

You tackled her.
Good for you.

Wait till I f*cking
tackle somebody.

I wanna do back flips
in somebody's face.

[Laughs loudly]

She called us fat.
Well, f*ck her.

Well, I'm fat.
No, you're not.

[Feigns crying]
[laughs]

I'm about to eat a sausage
right now.

Italian sausage.

f*ck you all!
[Laughs]

The night is going down.

Dj pauly d on the 1s and 2s.

Oh, my god!

I took the boss' girl.

[Moaning]

Because it's danny,
I live in the guy's house.

He's my boss.

Oh, my god,
I'm getting evicted.

Oh, sh*t.

You are the ultimate guido.

For real, you gotta
see the laptop.

You are the ultimate guido.

Pauly pulled out
his dj equipment.

He's got the italian thing
on his equipment.

Then he has another italian flag
on his book bag,

Another italian flag
on his laptop.

He's the ultimate guido.
He really is.

Yo, pauly.

What's up, son?
What's good?

Chillin'.

Just putting some things
together.

I'm very excited
to see pauly spin.

I know that this is
his passion.

So these are just regular
turntables?

Well, they're technic 1200 m5gs.

They're not regular turntables.

They're the best turntables
you can buy.

He does it six times a week.

You know he loves
this sh*t.

And you know he's good at it.

This is a rane ttm 57sl
live scratch...

All right, shut the f*ck up.
I'm f*ck' out of here.

[Laughter]

[Phone line trilling]

Your call has been forwarded
to an automated

Voice messaging system.
[Beep]

What's up, steph? It's mike.
I was just giving you a call.

Stephanie had previously
come over the night before

And hung out.

And we had plans to have lunch
the next day.

[Line trilling]

Somebody, like,
picked up already.

It's, like, 2:00.

Your call has been forwarded
to an automated

Voice message system.
It's a big zero.

I don't know.

She stood you up?
She might have.

You know what,
everybody gets stood up.

Everybody gets hung up on
or rejected.

I'm not saying I'm not.

I'm just saying,
nine out of ten times,

I'm good with it.

Hey, it happens to you.

It's never happened to me.

You're a girl, though.

Hello.
Hi.

What's up?
Oh, you didn't get anything?

Huh?
You didn't get anything?

You didn't get a package
or anything.

No, why?

I was talking to tommy,
and he was like,

"You didn't tell me
you liked the package."

And I'm like,
"what package?"

Yeah.

Way to blow
the f*ck' surprise,

But I sent you something.

Well, obviously now
I realize that.

Who's that, tom?
The brazilian girl.

Yeah.

Yo, this kid
is in love, bro.

Oh, ron got it.

This kid is in love.

This kid's a sucker.

He keeps sending her
all this sh*t.

I got the rarest roses.

Uh, tom, I don't know what
you think you're doing, bro.

I really don't know
what you're doing, bro.

You can't even get them
in new york.

The kid is in love.

Jwoww's p*ssy
must bring rainbows

And pots of treasure.

For someone that just got told
that he got cheated on...

I think I made a mistake
at a club.

Oh, my god.

[Dial tone]

I would give her d*ck
and bubble gum.

I would send her a picture
of my d*ck

And a pack of bubblegum
and say, "chew on this."

♪ Uh ♪
♪ cut 'em down ♪

Tonight, it is going down.

Dj pauly d on the 1s and 2s
at karma.

That's a masterpiece
back there, mike.

Don't you understand that, mike?

No way.
[Laughs]

♪ Uh ♪
♪ cut 'em down ♪

♪ Cut 'em down ♪

Everybody's been
talking about it.

It's my turn to prove
to jersey shore

How I get down, like,
on the 1s and 2s.

Dj pauly delvecchio.

He's about to show you...

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

When we were on
the dance floor all dancing,

Ronnie was dancing with us.

He was tearing it up
with all of us,

And then he disappeared.

Ronnie and sammi,

They're just totally
isolating themselves.

They don't-
I don't even know why

They even show up to the club
right now.

I personally don't care
what other people think.

We're going out, like,
"f*ck you, see you later."

Where are you going?

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

Sam and ronnie
always disappear.

Like, come on.

Like, you have all the time
in the world

After this to hang out.

Let's go.

♪ ♪

Pauly dj-ing,
from the second he went on,

I seen it in his eyes,
he's in his element.

He was, like,
spinning like crazy.

People were getting out of
their chair,

They were dancing.

And he impressed everybody.

♪ ♪

♪ Dancing is ♪

♪ Everything ♪

♪ Dance in tip-top form ♪

♪ Dance away
don't keep spinning ♪

♪ Dance ♪

♪ If you do that ♪

I like your tattoo.
Like it?

That's sick.

It takes a lot of ba*ls.
I have two.

We were all mingling
a little bit.

And I started talking
to this hot older chick.

This cougar.

Tanya and i,
we're vibing, you know.

I like her.
She's a cool girl.

We start hooking up
a little bit.

She's hot.

You know, she had, like,
a sick body,

And I don't mind it,
like, up against me at all.

With who? Danny?

Me and danny.
The two of you?

Oh, my god.

You were saying,
like, how hot I was.

Holy sh*t.

I took the boss' girl.

Oh, tanya, are you kidding me?
Wait, wait, wait.

Because it's danny,
I live in the guy's house,

And he's my boss,
oh, my god, I'm getting evicted.

♪ Oh, please don't stop it ♪

♪ Don't stop what
you're doing ♪

♪ What you're doing ♪
♪ what you're doing ♪

♪ Oh, what you're doing ♪
♪ what you're doing ♪

♪ What you're doing ♪

Oh, what you're doing ♪

♪ You should be takin' it off ♪

♪ What you're doing ♪
♪ what you're doing ♪

♪ What you're doing ♪