(WIND GUSTING)
NIKENYA HALL: Let's just take
one more breath in,
one more breath in.
And one more breath out.
Now, whenever you're ready.
Open your eyes.
What brings you here today?
There's a case of a patient,
of a girl.
-She was 10 years old.
-HALL: Mm.
And I'm just wondering
if there's...
She's been in my mind
for literally 20 years,
-because I was 30
when I took care of her...
-HALL: Mm-hmm.
...and I'm 50 now, so...
It was the day
before I turned 30,
is when she came in.
She was shot in the head.
It was
a drive-by sh**ting, and...
It was the first time I saw,
you know,
a pediatric g*nsh*t wound.
I was a young doctor.
I was just starting.
I think it was my second year
or third year.
It was very early in my career.
-HALL: Fresh? Yeah.
-Yes.
And, you know, she was...
She was dead on arrival.
I mean, it was...
When you get a shot
in the head, it's...
And, you know,
I literally was holding
her brain matter in my hands.
You know,
I had to go tell the parents
that their 10-year-old was shot.
She was actually coming
out of church,
holding her mother's hand
when she was shot. And...
And their response
was complete and utter silence.
There was no crying,
there was no screaming,
there was
no chest pounding, nothing.
And...
You know, everybody
in the emergency department,
after it was all said and done,
they didn't say anything
to each other.
We didn't...
You know, my attending
didn't say, you know,
"Are you okay?
"It was really
emotionally challen...
-"You know, hard case."
-HALL: Yeah.
-No nurse, no... Nobody.
-HALL: Yeah.
And so I went out
into the ambulance bay,
and I just
cried
for, like, probably a minute.
And then I was like,
"Oh, my gosh,
I've got to go back
"and see the next patient."
And so that has always been
in my brain.
It's like... That is something
that, in medicine,
we just don't do well,
or at all, which is teach
our younger doctors
-how to see that,
handle it...
-HALL: Yeah.
...experience it,
let it flow through you.
Instead, I buried it.
You know, I shut it down
because I had to see
the next patient.
So, um...
I guess, my question is,
how is she?
I feel like I'm at
a crossroads in my career.
I think, post-pandemic...
You know, I'm a mom,
so I've really put that
on the back burner.
And I feel like the time is ripe
for some kind of change,
but I'm not sure...
There are many paths,
and I'm not sure which one
I should be taking.
I don't think there's something
that large that's troubling me.
I think
just existential pressure
is troubling. (CHUCKLES)
(HUMMING)
Financially
-What would be good
for me?
-(EUGENE GRYGO LAUGHING)
What will I regret
on my deathbed?
I just want to know
if she can see
if I am going to have hens.
-PHOEBE HOFFMAN:
If you're gonna have what?
-Hens, chickens.
As climate change takes hold,
the world is gonna change
in such a way
that I'm gonna need
to be prepared to adapt,
and I'm not really sure
what my future looks like
ten years out, you know,
because of that.
Could you answer,
like, any questions
that relate to the past at all?
Because I know,
like, clairvoyants...
PER ERIK BORJA:
I'll try my best.
...like, mostly focus
on the future.
Is that correct?
-BORJA: Uh, both. Past,
present and future, yeah.
-Oh, okay.
Um, I kind of just want to know
what my birth parents are like
and the circumstances
that led to my adoption.
-BORJA: Okay.
-I think the timeline
of my adoption
-matches up
with the one-child policy.
-BORJA: Mm-hmm.
Because I was born in 2001.
-So, yeah, if you could
clarify that for me.
-BORJA: Okay.
All right.
So, one thing
I forgot to ask you
in the beginning is,
for clairvoyant readings,
I always ask the client,
like, even if it's...
Even if what I see
is not positive...
-Mm-hmm.
-...and sometimes
it can be hurtful,
do you still want to hear it?
-Yeah, I think so.
-Okay.
(SIGHS)
Mm.
Mm.
There's something about shrimp
(LAUGHING) that Spirit
is showing me.
Yeah. Shrimp's
my favorite thing...
-Okay.
-...in, like, the world.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Growing up, shrimp
was my number one thing.
Like, I even... One year,
I made a bet with someone
where I ate shrimp 365 days.
Oh, my God.
-Are you serious? (LAUGHS)
-Yeah.
I had to find new ways
to cook it and eat it,
and everything.
(BOTH LAUGH)
That is incredible. Um...
Hmm.
Is there something important
in April for you or the family?
For me, personally,
April is my father.
-Oh, okay.
-And that's my main question,
-is if he's there in spirit...
-Yeah.
...or has any message
-he would like to share
with me.
-Okay.
Let's see
what he comes through with.
He keeps showing a tutu
-for some reason.
-A tutu?
-A tutu.
Does anyone do ballet...
-(LAUGHS)
...or dress as a ballet dancer?
That's my daughter's
favorite book.
-Oh.
-We read it to her...
-It's called Tutu?
-Yeah, I Love My Tutu.
I Love My Tutu Too!
"Two tutus, three tutus.
We need more tutus.
-"The tutu dance." It's like...
-(LAUGHS)
-...tutu too many times
at night...
-Oh, my gosh.
-...every night.
-Isn't that funny?
-Okay.
-Okay.
Just please know
that's his way of, again,
validating his presence
around her.
Okay.
And seeing you
nurture this child
makes him really happy.
-Okay.
-Okay?
Would you have any siblings?
I used to have.
Okay.
Let me see if we can pass
the baton to your brother.
-Okay.
-Um...
Hmm.
Now, I feel like I'm looking
at someone younger.
-Um, were you
quite young...
-Yeah.
-...when he passed?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Very young.
But he would have been
older than you?
-Yes.
-Okay.
And the passing
would have been
quite sudden?
-Yes.
-Okay.
And would you understand
that would have been also
a violent passing?
-Yes.
-Okay.
I feel, for him, he just...
There's a quickness to it
that I think feels important.
That there was not
a lot of suffering.
-Okay.
-Does that make sense
to you?
(CRYING)
I think he just makes it...
He makes me feel
like it's important
for you to know
that it felt quick.
Just take your time.
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
HALL: And take your time,
and whenever you are ready,
go ahead and open your eyes.
-Mm.
-(SIGHS) Hmm.
Okay. Okay.
What... Hmm-hmm. Grandma's here.
That doesn't surprise me.
Okay, because
she's like, "Party,"
and pulling up a chair.
She's like, "Okay,
so let's have a discussion."
-(LAUGHS)
-She's like, "Let's chat.
"Thank you
for inviting me."
So she's here.
-And we'll get to her.
-Mm-hmm.
What questions
do you have today?
What shall we call on the spirit
and talk about?
(SIGHS) Ooh. Um, eee...
Out of all the things,
the biggest concern
that I have is the relationship
between my mother and I.
And then just my future
with my husband.
-That's, like,
the main question.
-Yeah.
'Cause Grandma wanted
to talk about husband.
Mm. (LAUGHS)
And a lot of words
she wants to say about that.
She wants the world for you.
Mm.
And why him?
She's being very clear
about that.
And you knew this.
Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-You and Mom.
-Mm.
Yeah.
Um...
You'll arrive at the place of,
"This is just my mom."
And sometimes,
everyone don't get it right,
that title.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Sometimes...
Sometimes, they just
don't get it right.
It's not that she's not trying.
She can't get it right.
She can't get it right.
And it is no reflection of you.
She gotta work it out.
You
can't carry that
no more, though.
You can't carry it.
(WOMAN MURMURS)
(WOMAN BREATHES DEEPLY)
Okay, so I'm really
feeling compelled
to bring in your animal.
So, what I need to know
is the name,
the gender, the type of animal,
and if they're alive
or passed away.
-Her name was Dottie.
-D-O-T-T-I-E?
-Yes.
-Okay.
And she's a girl, she's a dog,
and she's a Boston Terrier.
She's smart.
Is she alive or passed away?
-She's very much alive.
-Dottie.
What do you want to ask Dottie?
She's an A-plus girl.
She's terrific, but...
I mean, she's outgoing,
she's gregarious.
She hooks me
into the world, you know.
She loves everybody
all the time.
She's exuberant.
But she hates
to walk on a leash.
All I want her to do
is walk on a loose leash.
It sounds ridiculous.
I'm so grateful, though,
tell you about it,
because it's...
It's a bruising.
Every time we go out,
I feel wounded.
It's stupid for me
to take it so hard,
but I do.
Okay, so I'm going
to just ask her
about why she's so defiant
when she's on a leash.
(SIGHS)
Okay, so, Dottie's saying
there's a lot of anxiety
about it for both of you.
It's like a w*r every time.
-It's a battle.
-Every time.
She's saying if there wasn't
so much attention
put on it working,
maybe that's the key sometimes.
Kind of changing your mindset
around this whole issue
could really help.
I have noticed that this...
Later in the walk,
things do get better.
I just think about...
I imagine living
in Provence, for one.
-That's like
my dream. (CHUCKLES)
-Bingo.
-The wine, and the cheese,
and the atmosphere.
-The bread.
-The bread.
-And there's lavender.
-And then she calms down.
-Yeah.
Once your thinking
isn't on fighting with her,
and you're dreaming
about Provence,
she's walking.
Yeah, she's walking
on the leash,
and it's right there
and that's nice.
You know, I feel terrible
when I get mad at her
because it's, um...
She's such a terrific beast
on the... Everything else.
The deeper thing here is that
I felt it was, like, personal,
you know.
Her not wanting
to walk with me was...
It seemed like she loved
everybody she met,
total strangers.
But...
But me, I don't know.
She loves me, right?
When you first kind of sat down,
(STAMMERS) I get
a female energy.
Definitely feels like
maybe grandmother, or...
Definitely feels
like a grandmother.
Hmm. Both of mine are living.
Okay.
She definitely has white hair.
This is gonna sound
really strange,
but I feel a physical similarity
to the actress
who played Lieutenant Uhura
on the original Star Trek.
Or I feel like that there was...
She was inspired
by that character
-or something like that.
-Huh.
-With William Shatner?
Where they...
-Yeah.
And it's bringing her in.
So she must have...
It must have inspired her.
-I feel like it's an older
female energy...
-Mm-hmm.
...watching over you.
Okay, and she's showing me
a man's chest.
And I think
that kind of means
many things,
like sensuality,
but also male strength,
-male energy.
-Mm.
I did recently come out
as genderqueer...
-Mm-hmm.
-...so, I mean...
-She's, "Whoo-hoo!"
She's...
-(LAUGHS)
She's really happy
about that. Good.
Really? Aww. (GRUNTING) Yes!
No, I'm definitely feeling it.
She's like,
"Yes, yes, yes, yes."
Yeah, there's...
There's support
on her part.
So, the question was
why you were relinquished?
Yeah. And then maybe
if you could provide
some details
-about what my birth parents
were like.
-Okay.
-Like, personalities.
-Yeah.
(WRITING)
Okay, so,
with your birth mother,
-I do get
that she has a temper.
-Mm-hmm.
And I am picking up,
like, a sense
of greediness,
if I'm honest.
And now, let's go
to the birth father.
All right.
So, with your birth father...
Okay.
I get that he was
a player. (CHUCKLES)
-Mm.
-I think that he was
a player.
Besides like,
being a player, though,
like, in terms of personality,
I get that he was sincere.
Mm-hmm.
What else
would you like to know?
Yeah, I have so many
follow-up questions from that.
Yeah.
Do they miss me?
Like, how are they doing now?
And do they regret giving me up?
Okay.
I feel like your birth mother
still thinks about you,
but it's like
a very distant memory.
Like, I haven't seen
my grandmother in years,
but I still have
some very vague memories.
Like, there are
certain things
I can remember.
So, it's kind of like that
with your birth mother.
Interestingly enough,
I was adopted, too.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And were you adopted
by white parents?
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh.
Yeah, I always wondered
how my life
would be different
were my parents.
-A different race...
-Oh, it would be
very different.
Yeah.
The ones
who are adopted by parents
of the same race,
they usually have less trauma.
Mm.
Yeah, I can see that.
All right, so here we have me
when I was, I don't know,
maybe six years old.
It's hard to tell.
And that was my...
That gigantic orange cat
was my buddy.
My buddy Pumpkin.
Now he's in kitty heaven.
Mr. MacDuffy is my current cat.
He was a rescue,
and I just feel like it was
kind of meant to be
because he was the oldest cat
in the rescue shelter,
and we have
the same birthday,
October 5th.
And so then, I just adopted him.
And then... Oh, let's see.
So this is my high school
graduation picture.
A lot of times people ask me,
"When did you know
you were adopted?"
And I'm like, um, "Always."
My parents are white.
How could I not know
that I was different,
you know?
(MR. MACDUFFY MEOWS)
Five or six years ago
is when the paranormal
experiences started.
I was sleeping in this room,
and I would just hear running
down the hall, like...
Like, so quickly,
and then this door
would open.
I would hear, like, opening
and slamming like that.
I'd start having, like,
more and more
paranormal experiences.
My ears would start ringing.
The hair on the back
of my neck would come up.
I knew things about people
that I shouldn't know,
and I thought I was going crazy.
So I just googled
psychic schools
in New York City,
and then I started taking
psychic classes.
"Think about the possibilities.
"Just think about them.
A whole new world,
a whole new life.
"We'll have so much freedom.
We can be anything we want."
"Listen, I don't know
what the hell is going on here,
"and I don't like it."
"The trip is ruined!"
"You're a handsome man,
Wang Yung."
"Yes.
"You will look like him.
"Give it some time
and you'll see."
My dream
was to be an actor,
and it still is.
But besides Jackie Chan
and Jet Li,
there were
no Asian actors on TV,
so I felt
like it wasn't possible.
I do have
the occasional acting gig.
But it just so happened
that with the psychic work,
it was something
that I just started picking up
more easily.
So are you ready to begin?
-WOMAN: Sure.
-All right,
so please close your eyes.
Hello.
I've lived here since 1999.
Because of the rent
stabilization,
I've been able
to survive in New York
and do my... (CLEARS THROAT)
And do my creative work.
I work on plays,
TV scripts, movie scripts.
That all happens here.
This needs to be cleaned.
No. So, I guess...
Do you have to go
in the kitchen? Oh, God.
Uh... (HUMMING)
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
LANA WILSON: What's this room?
That's... That's...
Let's not film there.
That's the bedroom.
That's where everything
was shoved. So... (LAUGHS)
So, that's...
You know, it's the love palace.
The empty love palace.
And I have...
If you can squeeze
into the bathroom.
Hi, Jack. How you doing?
Little upset? (LAUGHS)
I think my creative side
is kind of matching up
with the psychic
mediumship side.
When I do a psychic reading,
it'll be like
strange diagrams, strange images
and letting the images
tell the story.
When you write a screenplay,
of course,
you're also
in the world of images,
so it's really helped me,
oddly enough.
(BLIND ROLLING UP)
HALL: So what's in here is
the distillation of,
like, most of my adult life
in New York City.
So my degree is in here.
I am a classically
trained performer.
I studied Shakespeare.
I studied Ibsen.
I studied Meisner.
I studied Stanislavski.
I studied, you know, Artaud,
and the Theater of Cruelty.
So, yeah, I know
my way around a theater.
If I use every piece
of all of my degrees
doing these psychic sessions,
it doesn't have to look
conventional.
I have all kinds
of different skirts.
I wear this one
for, uh, especially,
for kids' parties.
Now, when I do strolling
readings, I wear aprons
because the pockets are great
for holding my cards
and lozenges.
I sometimes wear this
when I do a seance.
One earring. Look.
I've saved this
for a very long time.
I just don't want
to part with it
because it's very meaningful
to me.
I did a one-woman show
here in Manhattan.
It was called
Ode to My Love Life.
I was meeting all these men
and having all of these
interesting experiences.
And something just came over me,
sort of like
when I channel as a psychic.
Well, it's the same thing.
I was channeling
music and lyrics.
I'm dating the mentally ill
Hi, honey. Sit down.
Take your pill
He was so cute
So sexy, divine
Um, what came next...
And what's more
He was totally mine
I can't believe I'm doing this,
having not warmed up at all.
HOST: (ON TV)
Remembering the category title,
it's where you'll find
LaGuardia Airport.
-Queens.
-HOST: And a bit smaller,
Allie Pond Environmental Center.
-Rebecca.
-REBECCA: What is Queens?
HOST: Yes.
REBECCA: Prepositional Phrases
for six.
I didn't have
any interest in psychics.
I didn't know
what animal communication was.
This... Some people would say
the universe led me to it.
I didn't know it existed,
but it helped me more,
I would say, in a few months
than all the therapy in my life
ever helped me.
So everything here
is influenced by John Waters.
As you can see, I have
Pink Flamingos over here.
I love Divine. Female Trouble.
That was the movie I saw
that just solidified
my fascination with him.
I was 22. I was very depressed.
I wanted to be an actress
but I pretty much
gave up on that
'cause I couldn't deal
with the business aspect of it.
And just seeing this movie,
it excited me.
He created this world,
this universe.
I mean, a lot of people
are into Marvel.
I don't care about Marvel.
This is the world
I want to look at.
Just where there's no rules.
ACTRESS: (ON TV)
He said if the police
ever found your writing,
that's all they'd need.
Something to prove
that you were
at the scene of the m*rder.
HOFFMAN: I love movies.
I mean, I remember,
15 years old,
I would just skip school.
I'd be sitting on the couch,
smoking all day,
watching
the Independent Film Channel
and, you know,
watching the movie Kissed
for the thousandth time.
Remember that movie
about necrophilia
with Molly Parker?
I loved that movie.
I'd watch
every Lili Taylor movie,
Parker Posey,
Jennifer Jason Leigh.
I had my list.
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
HOFFMAN: People would say to me
all the time
that I was too intense.
But now, giving psychic readings
connects me with
other unconventional people.
Why, theater caters
to sex offenders.
What I had
this key interest to ask was,
she's always running
to the door,
she's always leading me
to the door.
I even filmed it multiple times
because she only does it to me.
I'll eat, she wants
to run to the door,
and she just
meows and meows at the door.
There's nobody at the door.
And then she hits,
like tapping on the door,
like she's leading me
to the door.
If I open the door,
she doesn't try to escape.
She walks away.
But it's this constant
of tap, tap the door,
tap, tap the door.
So, I know
there's a lot to be said.
I don't know
what she's trying to convey.
She's not meant to be
in your life
just to be like an easy,
simply understood cat.
She's saying
you're the same way.
Like, I get that you're very
open-minded
and you like mysteries.
You like...
-You like
the weirdness of the world.
-Mm.
Like weird people
and weird stories intrigue you.
You don't want
to just see, like,
the Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan movies.
-You wanna see...
-I hate Tom Hanks.
-Oh, there you go.
-He's literally the epitome of
when I tell people
if there's a like and a dislike,
he's my number one dislike.
So... Do you read other animals
that are not pets?
-Or would you read?
-Oh, yeah.
You mean, like, wildlife?
Yeah. Can I ask you something?
-Sure.
-Birds.
Do you know the bird?
-No.
-Okay, because
this is the thing about...
-Birds are constantly...
-Yeah.
...either falling
in front of me...
-Yeah.
-Like, literally falling out
of trees
to me, multiple times.
Like, a bird hit me in the head
and landed.
But do they die?
-One died.
-Okay.
The other one, I don't know,
because I was like,
let me build a nest
or let me help it out
and let me wait till it flies.
But I'm always walking around
with these, like, injured birds
throughout the city.
I don't drive,
I never leave this city.
And these birds come to me.
They're attracted to you.
They're attracted to your energy
and they know
you will treat them kindly.
That if they do drop
into your hand,
you will treat them gently.
And you're not gonna
turn them away.
Like, you're different.
You're...
There's something about you
that's unique.
And, like, that's the thing
about animals.
They appreciate
what makes us feel
like we maybe
don't belong in the world.
-(TAP RUNNING)
-(GLASSES CLINKING)
(HUMMING TUNE)
Just so you know...
(CLEARS THROAT)
This is kind of
like where I connect.
WILSON: Where you connect
to the other side.
GRYGO: Yeah.
Messages, uh,
things like that come through.
And I put up old photos of Erie
and the family home
and my mother and my family.
So...
(CRUSHING PLASTIC BAGS)
Growing up Catholic
in Erie, Pennsylvania,
was a challenge.
(FAUCET RUNNING)
For most of my life in the area,
I was a closeted g*y person.
And I guess I felt there was
no place for me there.
And I distinctly remember,
I went with an aunt
to psychic mediums
and had readings.
And I basically felt the love,
almost always,
from someone on the other side.
And it felt like acceptance,
like I was accepted.
That made me feel like, okay.
(CHUCKLES)
My reality is a bit grim
but they're very affirming
of who I am.
I'm looking for a movie
called Central Station.
This is one of my favorite
movies of all time.
It's a woman...
Actually, a stage actress
plays the main character.
And then there's a little boy
and his mother.
I think there's
a traffic accident
and the mother is lost.
And she takes care
of the little boy.
And then she starts on a journey
where she returns him
to his family.
And it changes her
by the end of it.
So that's one
of my favorite movies.
WILSON:
Why do you think you're so
personally attached to it?
All the loss, I think.
The little kid
and then, the older person
reaching out
to the younger person.
I'm sorry.
I lost my brother, Johnny.
And I was...
He was only 23 and I was 19.
(CLEARS THROAT)
And I think that...
I think that that's
what influences me.
Because my other movie
is Ordinary People.
So it's hard to choose
which one is better
because
they're such great movies.
But it's about people
working through loss.
So...
It's an ongoing thing.
(SNIFFLES)
And I think anyone
who has lost someone
in that way,
you never get over it.
You cope, you you develop
coping strategies.
You get therapy, you get help.
But it's an open wound, forever.
And I think that is
directly related to my anxiety
about having you visit
my apartment.
Because I think I...
I think part of me
just wants to be a hermit
and escape from the world.
So...
That's my struggle, you know.
I want to join the world
and I want to retreat from it.
It's really tough. So...
GRYGO: Okay. Thank you.
Was it... Was there
a father figure?
Somebody that was close to you?
-Male?
-Mm-hmm.
Was he actually your father?
-Yeah.
-He was.
Was it a cardiac arrest?
Yeah. Well, sort of.
That's what I was told.
-Okay, all right.
-And then... I don't know
if you want me to tell you.
Oh, just if I'm wrong.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Just tell me if I'm wrong.
-He OD'd.
-Okay.
Because I was feeling like...
(STAMMERS)
Huge regret
that he wasn't there
to help you.
And
just a lot of sorrow.
A lot of regret on his part.
It makes a lot of sense.
He missed out on a lot.
And he understands your reaction
to him and your resentment.
And he's so sorry for that.
Not that he can rectify
the past, of course, but...
He miscalculated, I guess,
is what I'm trying to say.
MAN: Mm-hmm.
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
HALL: I always believed that
there was some other side.
I grew up very, very religious.
Christian in Oklahoma.
But I moved to New York, 2011,
and I was staying with
my sorority sister at the time
and her dad had transitioned,
and so she was open
to going to seances.
It was in a conference room.
And you ask for questions
with the lights on
and then
you turn the lights off.
When you first get
into the venue,
you can still feel
the air on you.
You might even be a little cold.
But once the music starts
and you get this euphoria
and all of that, you get warm.
Just because
I'm new in the city,
everything gets new, crazy.
You just feel so ungrounded.
But that felt just good.
I wasn't getting this
release community
anywhere else.
I was like, "Oh, I like this."
Even if this is fake, I like it.
It feels good, and I need it.
It felt like church in that way.
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(BRACELETS CLINKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
MAN: How are you?
LYNNE: Hi. Good.
Hey, everybody.
I'm here doing readings
for the event tonight.
I'm Sherrie,
and I'm a party psychic.
Is there anybody here
who'd like to have a reading
right now?
WOMAN: Like, now?
LYNNE: Anybody curious?
-No? Okay, we'll keep looking.
-WOMAN: Thanks
for the offer, though.
You're a very interesting woman.
(LAUGHS)
LYNNE: And you're doing
a little too much hiding,
because what I see here
is like a chest of jewels
and all these beautiful colors,
rubies and emeralds
and sapphires.
But you need
to come out of hiding
and keeping all these fabulous
secrets about yourself.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you like a medium at all?
Are you...
LYNNE: Are you trying to connect
with somebody who's passed?
-Yes.
-Why? Did you recently
lose someone?
My father,
about a year and a half ago
-Okay. I'm sorry for your loss.
-Thank you.
Well, he showed up immediately
as soon as you told me,
you know, who your loss was.
So I feel like he is around
-and close by.
-I believe that.
WILSON: Did you think
when you were a kid,
"Maybe I'll be a psychic
when I grow up"?
LYNNE: No.
Not at all.
I wanted to go
to school for art.
But my parents
didn't have the skill
to mirror us, which kids need.
And so I don't know if any of us
had that strong
sense of self, growing up.
My parents were both
narcissists. You know...
They were damaged
by their parents.
If I see someone coming
towards me that's like
my mother and father,
a 180. Bye-bye.
Because I'm not interested
in being with somebody
who can't get outside
of themselves
to hold the space
for my feelings
my thoughts, my dreams.
It wasn't until
my father was in his 60s
and had a heart attack
that he was able to say to me
in a letter,
"You have a blessed gift."
He was referring to my artistry.
And I feel that's so sad,
that you have to be facing death
to tell your children
they have talent.
That is f*cked up!
So let me start by asking you,
is there anything troubling you
that you're aware of?
Um... I don't think
there's something that large
that's troubling me.
I think
just existential pressure
is troubling,
like I don't really...
I'm 18 now,
and I don't really know
where my life is heading.
I have a general idea,
but it's not in stone, really.
LYNNE: Uh-huh. Okay.
I don't know why,
but I'm being led
to tell you this.
That it's okay
to do what you love.
Mm-hmm.
And that more will come.
These are messages
that I'm hearing for you.
Let me see the other sides
of your hands.
Mm-hmm.
There's some connection
for you to visual art.
Yes, there is.
What is your current
connection to visual art?
As a kid,
I just really loved comics,
so, like,
I draw a lot with pens.
Right, right I don't think
that there has to be a limit
to what you do or who you are.
Think of it more
as the discovery process
of all the gifts
that are in your treasure chest.
We all are born with those.
And so this is
an opportunity for you
to keep getting
to know those gifts
and exploring them,
expressing yourself,
and, um, not limiting yourself.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(LINE RINGING)
MAN: (ON VOICE MAIL)
Thanks for calling
Pete's Candy Store.
Sorry we missed you.
(RECORDING BEEPS)
Hi, my name is Eugene.
I'm calling you about
your open mic nights.
I just need
some more information
about how to prepare
and when they are being held.
Thank you.
I was there about two years ago.
The night I went,
it was a summer night.
It was really hot
and a lot of people in there.
It was really intimate.
And the interesting thing is
that, you know, when you do that
and it's so intimate,
people hear every word,
every note, every... (CHUCKLES)
You know, I mean,
look how close the people are
to the performers.
So it's not like...
I don't know.
I think I think I worry too much
about things.
But, yeah, you can't fake it.
You gotta hit the notes.
You gotta sell the song. So...
WOMAN: (ON SCREEN)
This process
might seem overwhelming,
but with a little practice,
it can still become
a pleasurable experience.
(MAN SCREAMS ON SCREEN)
BORJA: I've always been
into, like, horror movies.
I think I like the feeling
of getting scared.
And there's something...
There's just something
comforting about them as well.
Maybe it's the idea
of these people
in these horror movies,
often they feel quite isolated
when they're experiencing
these things.
-And... Yeah.
-WILSON: They're intimate.
The characters feel
quite isolated
and they really have to find
something within
to help them survive.
One of my favorite horror movies
is The Witch,
and there's like
barely any gore in that.
But it's just
so atmospheric, and...
And the end of the movie,
she joins the coven
and leaves her family.
And I think there was like just
a really interesting metaphor
that I related to about that.
And, like, finding your people,
even though
the coven eats children.
(LAUGHS)
(ELEVATOR WHIRRING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
I had just moved to New York
when my first
major relationship ended.
We hadn't really been fighting.
It was just one night
when we were laying in bed,
he just started
crying profusely.
He started crying,
crying, crying, crying,
and I was like, "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? What happened?"
And he said, "Um, I'm so sorry.
"I don't think
I'm in love with you anymore,
and I don't know why."
And then, at that moment,
like, my whole world shattered.
And that breakup
is really what opened me up
to the world of spirituality.
Because that's when I was
trying to find answers
and trying to find meaning.
Before then,
I was pretty adamantly atheist
and didn't believe
in anything after this life.
But that was
like a death for me.
Hmm.
I do feel I have, um,
a man in spirit here with me.
But he feels quite young to me.
Hold on.
Would you understand
a man that you know
who would be in spirit
that didn't get
to live a full life?
-Yes.
-Okay.
And would this person...
Would he have passed
as a young adult?
-No
-Not a young adult. That's fine.
And would this individual,
would you understand
a connection
to skateboarding
or skateboard culture?
Not that I know.
Okay. What am I seeing here?
I know I have a...
I know I have
a young man with me.
Mm...
I'm sorry, can I...
-Lana?
-WILSON: Yeah?
Sorry. Can I just ask...
I just feel this presence
really strongly with me.
Does anyone in the room know
if there was a younger man
that they knew that passed away
that would have known
how to skateboard?
Can I just ask...
Throw that out to the group?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
No? Okay.
Sorry, I'm gonna start over
because that really
threw me off.
Okay.
I'm sorry,
I feel like I'm losing it.
I'm feeling very tired
all of a sudden. Um...
WILSON: Do you ever...
Do you ever doubt what you do?
Do you ever wonder
if it's not real?
Yeah, all the time. (CHUCKLING)
I never fully 100 percent
believe in the things
I even say.
When I fail,
I'm like, oh, I suck,
and this isn't real,
and I'm a POS and...
(SIGHS)
You know,
it just doesn't feel great.
Where I kind of fall back to
is I really feel like I have
this presence and this energy
and this spirit with me.
And I hope that I'm channeling
something outside of me.
And I hope that
I'm acting as a kind of vessel
for something greater
than myself.
Okay, I'm gonna go
in a different direction
a little bit with you, okay?
Part... Partner... Feels, um...
First...
-I want to say
first generation Caribbean.
-Oh, really?
And he's a little older as well.
It's like, um,
a wiser element to him,
like they're showing me,
like, fedora hat,
like, just
a distinguished older vibe.
And he's West Indian?
-So I'll say this...
-I got Caribbean first.
It could be African,
but there's a different
country that is heavily
in his life.
Because he does a lot back home.
-But he's Black.
-Yes.
I've never dated a Black man.
Maybe twice my whole life.
-I see... I see him.
-That's wild.
I see him, I see him.
-Huh.
-Yeah.
And he's older,
like dad sandals older, like...
Yeah, but that's like
not my type at all.
A fedora and dad sandals.
What are we talking about here?
-He's an older man.
-What island is home?
Is he Dominican?
What are we talking about?
-(LAUGHS)
-It's the vibration of him.
-This is going to be...
(SPLUTTERS)
-Are you saying
if I saw a fedora man
with Jesus sandals,
I'd be like, "Oh, God!"
When he breezes in, I mean,
you know?
Well, I'll know him exactly,
because suddenly,
I'll have this feeling
for a man in a fedora
that I'd never had before.
That'll be wild.
That would be wild.
That would be wild.
Not necessarily the fedora
and Jesus sandals,
but older in that manner,
just that's what that...
Okay.
I feel comfortable saying
that most people
who enter into work like this,
definitely, at least
at the beginning,
you're like, "Am I making
this sh*t up?"
Right? Um...
And then proof happens,
you know.
-WILSON: Does it feel like
acting, in a way?
-No.
Well... No, no. It's channeling.
WILSON: Is it at all
like improv?
Yes.
WILSON: (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Can you talk a little
about that?
Well, because I don't know
what is gonna come out
of me, like ever.
Yeah, because I don't know
what I'm gonna see
or hear or smell, you know?
So it really is.
And sometimes,
I'll get surprised.
WILSON: How is
what you're doing
not like theater improv?
That's a really good question.
It's all dipping
into like, information,
you know, like that
"river or sea of information"
that ever is, was,
or will be, right?
It's all dipping into that.
Like, in really good improv,
like, those people
are absolutely
communicating psychically.
WILSON: How do you know that
the things
that you're hearing or seeing
are not your imagination?
I don't. Right?
And so, like, that doesn't
even necessarily mean anything,
you know?
Because it's not like...
What is imagination, right?
Like, what is imagination?
Is it arguable
that your imagination
is actually just, you know,
energetic information?
That you're just processing?
You know? Does it
really make a difference?
Is there really a separation?
And if it resonates
with the person
I'm talking to,
then it doesn't f*cking matter.
I've been thinking a lot
about the past recently,
and the ways in which
what I'm doing now
is supposed to be,
maybe not a solution,
but is supposed
to resolve, in some ways,
the tensions or problems
that happened in the past,
and I think
I've been struggling with,
um, how exactly
I'm supposed to do that.
So can you be
a little more specific?
Because you keep using
words like "it" and "things."
(BOTH LAUGH)
No, definitely. Um...
So, my mom sent me something
which was really interesting,
which was a...
Basically, a will
that was signed in 1860
by the people
who owned my family.
And I had my
great-great-great...
-Some number
of greats grandfather there.
-(CHUCKLES) Yes.
And it had, like,
a price beside his name.
And for some reason,
that price has been
sticking with me a lot,
like over the past
six, seven days.
-How much was it?
-It was $250.
So, you know, it's...
I don't know.
For me, it's like that number
is hanging in my head.
I'm like, okay, well,
how do I either,
like, make good on that,
how do I erase that?
-Like, what is that supposed
to mean for me?
-Oh.
Okay. Close your eyes.
Get comfy, like,
you can like, snuggle down
and, you know,
lay back if you want.
And you're gonna
find your breath, please.
So do you know the name
of your great-great-great-
great-great-great?
It was Edmund.
Okay, so call that dude in.
Well, he's here.
Okay. So... (CHUCKLES)
Um...
I mean, it does...
He feels to me, he...
So there's a couple things.
One, we can come up with, like,
a way to sort of
reframe the weight
and the gravity of that $250.
It could be as simple
as a donation, right?
To something,
of that amount of money.
You know, it could be,
I'm going to do some sort of
like, practice for, like,
250 days.
So let it be
a power number for you,
'cause right now,
it's sort of like...
Like it's gnawing at
your energetic edges.
So, what he's asking you to do,
he's just like,
"Look, don't... Like,
don't let that be a shackle.
"Come on now."
Right?
So take it
and turn it into something else.
Do you feel Great-Great-Great-
Great-Great-Great-Great-
Great-Grandpappy's hand
on your back?
Um...
No. For some reason,
I can see, like, his back.
Okay. Stick with that.
So, if I may,
it feels to me
like he's saying,
"You already have my back."
So all of this, like...
All this sort of story
around it,
and this narrative,
and this pressure, right,
he wants you to know that, like,
that's not being applied by him.
It's so important to them.
Hold on. I gotta...
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Whoo. (CHUCKLES)
It's so important to them.
Uh...
That we...(CLEARS THROAT)
...define freedom for ourselves.
Times is different now.
Freedoms is different now.
What is freedom now?
What is freedom to you?
Right? Because
they're just like, "Mm-mm.
"We don't want you to be,
like, enslaved to these
(EXHALES) concepts, you know,
"that we were sh**ting for,
like, I don't want you
doing the thing
"that all these other people
and all these other stories
"and all these other narratives
and all this other pressure
and all these...
"All these
f*cking traumatic pieces
that keep cutting at us..."
(SNAPS FINGERS)
(SNAPS FINGERS) f*ck.
(CHUCKLES)
"...are telling you to do."
Yeah, he's saying he was free
five years after that document.
Um...
So why are you still living
attached to it?
Why am I wearing his chains?
Right? See?
Go ahead, Grandpappy.
(EXHALES)
It's not, you know...
It's not entirely selfless,
right?
It's actually
not selfless at all.
Because everybody
gets a healing.
And sometimes, I think healers
need the most healing.
(STATIC CRACKLES)
Hi. Um, I'm Phoebe.
Hey.
I just want to say
that life is hard
to live it. f*ck.
Why? Why is it
so f*cking hard for me?
Why can't I just be normal
and get up in the morning
and do sh*t?
When is it gonna get better?
HOFFMAN: In some ways,
I was no different
than I am now,
except I'm a lot older,
and I don't snort cocaine
anymore.
I just see myself, uh,
sort of drowning in this
narrative or story
of depression
and low self-worth.
And just the idea
that I lived that way
for all those years,
in one room with my father.
I didn't have a bedroom.
I mean,
he would do coke with me.
He loved it. He used to say,
(IN NASALLY VOICE)
"I always knew I had a child
"so they could
get me good drugs."
WILSON: What was that like?
Well, in hindsight,
pretty f*cked up.
I'd have to go to high school
the next morning.
He'd be up at 3:00 a.m.
with the TV blaring, the light,
he'd be talking about some woman
he f*cked in the bathroom,
'cause that was the only a room
anybody could have privacy in,
and I'd be trying
to fall asleep,
I had a test in the morning.
No wonder I couldn't
finish high school.
HOFFMAN: (ON TV) m*rder?
I couldn't
figure out a way
to be part of the world.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING
PLAYING ON TV)
Most of my life,
I was a recluse.
I hardly went out
unless I had to.
And I did not see people.
I thought my life
would just be
living in an apartment,
not going out, till I died.
Being as sensitive as I am,
I thought the human race
was not for me.
I begged my father
to see a therapist with me
'cause I was blaming him
for everything.
And this woman,
she said to me, "Look,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
"This is hopeless.
"Your father
will never understand.
"He'll never
take responsibility,
accountability.
"You gotta...
You gotta get over this.
You gotta move on."
She said to me,
"There's this place
by your mother.
"Doesn't your mother
live near this place?
Kripalu? This is what
I'm gonna tell you to do.
"Go there.
Just find a program
and go there.
"I don't care what it is."
So I went home.
I went on the Internet.
I looked at their website.
I was totally overwhelmed.
There must have been
100 programs going on.
Everything was about yoga,
Buddhist meditation.
Find the inner you,
find the joy in your life.
I mean, I wanted to vomit
with this language.
And then I came across, uh...
"Wanna psychically
communicate with animals?"
And I thought, "That's weird."
I said, "Well,
if I'm gonna do anything,
I guess I would do that."
And I'm such an animal lover.
I mean, that's another part
of all these years of isolation.
I was devastated
over the treatment,
between factory farms
and just the lack of respect.
So I just thought,
"What the hell? Let me try."
Go in there
and see what it's like.
I went in,
and all of a sudden,
everybody in the class
was going,
"Oh, my God,
how do you know
that about me?
"How do you know
that about my animal?
"You just described
my living room.
"You just described
my coffee table."
I remember,
like the first month,
I diagnosed a UTI in a cat.
Um...
I never really thought I could
do anything in the world.
Really.
And not that I thought
I could really do this, either.
But I was hearing
such great feedback.
And it was a way
I thought, out of my situation,
which it was.
And I don't just mean
monetarily or anything.
Well, that wasn't even a thing.
It was...
I was so down on humanity.
And then I saw this
whole group of people that
had the sensitivity
and the empathy.
And it was such
a revelation for me.
Okay, so the first thing
that comes through
about you, Ivalee,
is you easily feel pain.
And pain is something
that has been a theme
throughout your life.
But it's almost this feeling
like you feel defeated,
like it's so painful,
the disappointment.
And you've just retreated.
It's like you've pulled back
and said, "No more. I'm done."
Like, "I can't do this anymore.
I'm out."
Yeah.
Okay. So...
I'm going to now
bring in your animal.
What's the name?
Zeus.
And what kind of animal?
Dog.
Alive or passed away?
I don't know.
You don't know? Okay.
Let me take a moment
and connect with Zeus.
It's very quiet.
There's something very...
It almost feels like
he was quiet, I'm getting,
because he wanted
to be this soul
to hold space for you,
because he's saying
that that's something
you've needed a lot in your life
and you have not gotten.
And there's something here
about danger,
and I'm just
gonna say this, that...
He's saying that you
had very predatory people
latch on to you
and manipulate you.
Wow.
He's saying that people
have really broken your trust.
And at times it's even worse
than being physically hurt,
the emotional pain.
You were spot on
about the trauma.
I was in an a*usive relationship
when I got Zeus.
And he
got to witness a lot of
the physical and the verbal,
and the crying.
I would lock myself
in the garage with him
and just cry.
And he would just sit there
and just put his head
on my shoulder.
'Cause he was huge.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
So he would just
be like this big teddy bear.
And he definitely
tried to protect me
from the physical attacks.
HOFFMAN: Mm-hmm.
On multiple occasions.
He...I think he kept me alive
during those times.
So do you have
a question for Zeus?
Is he okay?
Okay, so I know
you said you don't know
if he's alive or passed away.
He's definitely okay,
but... And I... You know,
I can't say this with certainty,
but what I'm getting
is that he has passed away.
That's what I am feeling.
(BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
GRYGO: When I do
the message circles,
almost all messages
have to deal with with loss,
with the loss of that person,
and the status
of the relationship
when the person crossed over.
Like you said, it's hard not to
be, you know, gushing tears.
(CHUCKLES)
-Yeah, really...
-It's really hard.
And you have to, like...
(SWALLOWS)
Yeah, and it's weird,
because you have to...
You have to allow yourself
to feel it,
but not to the point
where you lose control.
Yeah, that feeling
is always difficult
because you can feel
almost as if it's your person...
-Mm-hmm.
-...that has been lost.
WILSON: What was Johnny like?
He was a loner.
It was like the song
Desperado by the Eagles
would describe some,
you know, pretty much a loner.
He did his own thing.
Uh, he... You know,
he was an addict.
He was addicted
to alcohol and drugs.
And, uh...
It caused a lot of problems.
For the family.
And I think
I have a lot of guilt
about the fighting
and the anger. (SNIFFLES)
And that we were so different.
So very different.
Uh...
I remember one time,
we were all
learning ice skating,
and, uh... (GRUNTS)
And he kind of gave up.
You know, it was
an ice skating rink
and so forth.
And I kept falling down.
(CHUCKLES) But I just...
You know, I guess
I'm too stupid to stop.
I just got up
and then, eventually, got it.
And just, eventually,
figured out how to ice skate.
But he was like...
You know. Uh...
Part of him would give up,
and that was hard to accept.
I loved him, you know?
They just give up sometimes.
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
Let's take it up
a little bit higher.
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
(DOING THROAT EXERCISES)
Now all the vowels.
Nice big smile.
Give me, "A E I O U,
A E I O U, A E I O U."
A E I O U, A E I O U. Sorry.
Ai yi yi yi yi.
Ai yi yi yi yi.
(BOTH CONTINUING
THROAT EXERCISES)
Good. Great.
A little stretch. Feels good.
(PLAYING PIANO)
There are places I remember
All my life
Though some have changed
Some forever
but not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places
had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead
and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
-I made a mistake. Sorry.
-Okay.
That's right.
-That's right.
-Okay.
Yeah.
This is Mother.
Clearly, on, um,
a shelf by herself
in the middle,
because, I mean, she's queen.
She is queen.
If there's a fire,
that's one of the first things
I'm grabbing, okay?
I was not there physically
when my mother transitioned.
I saw my mother
the day before she transitioned,
and I could not feel death.
I didn't see it. None of it.
I think that was
by design, though.
I think, um,
Spirit knew that I could not
have handled that.
She was my best friend.
We talked every single day,
multiple times a day,
and I didn't talk to her
that Wednesday.
I tried, but she just, like,
didn't answer her phone.
And I was like,
"Well, maybe she's busy."
And I get to work
and then my cousin calls me.
(EXHALES) You know, who...
Who makes phone calls?
You know? In this day and age.
And I knew something was wrong.
And that's when
I got the phone call. Yeah.
And this tattoo is dedicated
to that experience as well.
I got the phone call
at 9:00 a.m.
And so that's what...
That's what that time
symbolizes here.
You know,
I collapsed to the floor.
They had to, um...
They had to Uber me home.
I remember the admin
asked me my address,
and I couldn't, like,
I couldn't remember my address.
(STAMMERS)
You don't think. You don't...
You're not prepared,
there's no amount
of preparation.
And I was back in Oklahoma
that very next day.
I have a feeling she was hiding.
Maybe, how sick she was.
I have a feeling, um,
it has not been confirmed.
I've asked her many times
since I've been in Spirit.
She will not tell me.
She will not tell
any other psychic
or medium that that I go to.
Um, very mum about that.
I did beat myself up
'cause I thought
I should have known beforehand.
No one knew.
No one knew. Yeah.
-WILSON: You're always
comforting other people.
-Yes.
WILSON: I'm wondering
who comforts you.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh...
that's the...
Never-ending question.
(CHUCKLES)
Um...
(CLICKS TONGUE)
It's still a work-in-progress.
That's still a work-in-progress.
We're still figuring that out.
Okay. Um...
Spirit does want to talk
about the family dynamic,
and, um...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I'm seeing...
There's other children
on the other side
that didn't make it
on this side.
MAN: Wow.
Okay, I see two of them.
MAN: Wow. Wow.
HALL: Okay. Okay.
They've been...
Okay. Great. Yes.
They've been here.
They came to me last night.
So they've been running around,
and they... (GIGGLES)
MAN: Wow.
HALL: Yes. Okay.
They...
They're a part.
They're a part of the unit.
They're a part of the unit.
-They're actually
the extension on the other side.
-MAN: Ooh.
And you can access them.
You, particularly,
can access them.
Okay? Particularly,
you can access them.
(SNIFFLES)
And it feels like you feel them.
It... Yes. Okay.
And not, um...
Not natural mother...
It's... Spirit...
Like you feel... Yes.
And I feel like
they even walk around
-the house.
-The house?
-(LAUGHS)
-Yes. Yeah, it feels like
they walk around the house.
Okay? Okay. Yeah, it feels like
they walk around the house.
Swaha, you will feel
these souls soon.
SWAHA: I already have.
Well, my God. Okay.
Well, they will be with you
for a very long time.
They're not going anywhere.
I've been scared of them
for a long time,
and then I've embraced them.
Mm.
HALL: Well, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I slept in my parent's bed
for a while because of this.
HALL: (CLICKS TONGUE)
Well, well... Uh-huh.
They were... They said
they were being playful.
They understood it's, like,
different on the Earth plane.
They did not mean
to scare by any means.
They were being playful,
very playful and loving.
Oh! Um... Mm-hmm.
So, like I said, there's two.
The older one is saying
there was nothing
you could have done.
(SOBBING)
HALL: There's nothing.
It was designed as so.
There was nothing. Um...
So don't carry that.
That doesn't...
Don't carry that.
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
(HALL EXHALES DEEPLY)
-His name is Bobby, Jr.
-HOFFMAN: Bobby, Jr, okay.
-He is a bearded dragon,
a lizard.
-Oh!
After three years together,
I donated Bobby to the school
-'cause I couldn't
take care of him anymore.
-Mm-hmm.
But I was keeping
in touch with the school,
and, like, seeing him
every now and again.
But then, after COVID,
they had to take
all the animals,
and so, the zookeeper
took the animals
to her home in New Jersey.
I asked if I could visit him,
or I could see him,
and she said
that she wasn't comfortable
with that.
-Then I said, "Oh, okay."
-Okay.
So I sort of left it at that.
-All right, so I'm just
going to take a moment.
-Yeah.
And just connect with Bobby, Jr.
(INHALES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
I get that
he's very well taken care of
as far as feeding,
having his area cleaned.
But from Bobby's point of view,
she's totally different
than you.
Completely different affect.
Different mood.
Is he happy there?
Or how is he...
And, like, emotionally?
How is he feeling over there?
You know,
I don't get that he's unhappy.
I get that he doesn't have
as much physical contact
with a person.
They don't have
the same emotional connection
that the two of you had.
Does he have any sort of
yearning for me
to sort of, like,
try and get in contact again,
and reach out again, because...
-(HOFFMAN SIGHS)
-I don't know
if I should just leave it, or...
It's done.
-Yeah?
-That part is done.
That's what I get from him.
You know, the thing
about animals are,
even after they're not with us,
they're still with us
in a different way.
The relationship isn't dead
because you've parted.
It's just like
two people who part.
There's still...
There's still feelings,
there's still emotions.
There's still something higher
than can even be
described going on
because he's still
affecting you,
and that's what it
comes down to.
You're affected.
And his life
and his purpose with you
wasn't for nothing.
It... It taught you things.
BORJA: This time of the year
feels full of longing
and missing.
My best friend, Alex,
died almost two years ago
from today.
(VIDEO PLAYING OVER PHONE)
(MEN CHATTERING ON VIDEO)
(CHUCKLES)
MAN: Oh, my God!
(MEN LAUGHING ON VIDEO)
(VIDEO STOPS)
BORJA: I just remember
I spent a week with him
in the hospital.
It's like you wish,
and you hope,
and you pray,
and you try to keep positive,
and I lead meditations
and healing circles
with our friends
and family for him,
with that all I would
lay my hands on him
and channel energy.
It's like, why didn't it
f*cking work?
It's interesting,
working as a medium,
because people think
that we know everything,
and we
know all the answers,
and we know why things happen.
But we're...
Maybe we can peek
around the corner,
and maybe we can see
a few feet ahead of people,
but when it comes
to our own lives,
and when it comes to things
we're emotionally attached to,
we're just as blind.
Terrible things happen
that we have no control over.
And there's almost
a sense of futility in it.
(HALL EXHALES)
Divine Spirit, we are... Mm.
We are thankful for this time
that we get to come together.
We never take
these moments for granted.
We never take
these moments lightly.
We asked for your
highest white light
of protection.
We welcome our spirit guides,
our transitioned loved ones,
angels and deities
to be in the midst.
We ask for our spirit teachers
and chemists
to hold the vibration
and to support us.
We know that we are here to live
and walk in our purpose.
And we ask that you show up
in the midst.
It's with a humbled heart,
a heart of love
and a heart of thanks.
Amen.
Amen and amen.
Per, may I come to you?
-Yes.
-Okay.
Okay, so what I'm getting,
there is such a deep pain
and struggle,
and it is so intense.
You're so gentle,
and your sensitivity
Is quite unique,
and in order to preserve this,
you have to stay guarded.
You cannot be open all the time.
It's too hard.
It's too difficult.
And it will eat away at you.
-Does this make sense?
-BORJA: Yeah.
I just... I was having
a really hard and dark
past couple of weeks.
I have, like,
fantasies of leaving this Earth.
I'm not gonna
do anything to myself.
But if, like, a car hit me
on the way home.
I wouldn't...
I wouldn't be so mad at it.
I don't know, it's like I'm...
Yeah, intense pain, absolutely.
And I don't know
where that came from.
Maybe I'm absorbing
a lot of things.
I'd love to see
if anyone could connect
to someone I lost.
My best friend, Alex.
SHERRIE: I feel presence here.
-Did he ever wear jeans jackets?
-All the time.
Did he have
a good sense of humor?
-Incredible sense... Yeah.
-I see him laughing.
-Yeah.
-Yeah, he's right here.
(LAUGHS)
SHERRIE: Yeah.
He is saying to me,
"I have so much deep things
that I want to say to him.
"And my friend is hurting."
And so one of his
priorities right now
is to remind you of, like, joy.
If you want to go out,
he'll go with you.
-He's like,
"I'll be your wingman."
-Yeah.
So, he's really encouraging you
to, like...
As dark as things are,
because they are, right?
And as bleak as they feel,
because they do.
You still have a body,
you're still here,
you're still well,
you're still, you know, like,
sufficiently able to go out,
and, like, remember
how enjoyable it can be
to have a human experience.
HALL: All right,
let's take a breath.
Let's take a breath.
Come on, let's take a breath.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Right, Earth is hard.
Earth is hard, Earth is hard.
-We know this. Earth is hard.
-(EXHALES)
Let's take another breath.
(ALL TAKE DEEP BREATH)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-MICHAEL: Hi. How are you?
-Hi. Good.
My name is Michael.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet...
We went to school together.
-We went to school together?
-Strasberg?
-What's your name?
-Catherine.
-Holy sh*t!
-(CATHERINE LAUGHS)
Am I allowed
to say that on camera?
CATHERINE: Oh, my goodness.
-Oh, my God.
How are you doing?
-Good.
-Can I give you a hug?
-Yeah, you can. (LAUGHS)
-Oh, my...
-That's insane.
-What?
-Hi.
-What is this? Oh, my God. Wow.
-Yeah, it's so great.
I didn't recognize you,
because you used to have
blonde hair, right?
I did, yeah.
-Oh, man!
-Holy goodness!
-What the...
-I know.
Um, wow!
Okay, wasn't expecting that.
CATHERINE: Neither was I. Wow.
Um...
Yeah.
This is obviously something,
at Strasberg, that I did not...
-(LAUGHS)
-CATHERINE: Right.
...like, go around
telling people that I did,
you know?
Oh, so you were doing it,
like, even then?
-Uh, not professionally.
-Oh, okay.
It's only been like in the past,
like, four or five years
-that I've been doing it,
like, professionally.
-Wow.
But I'm still, like,
working towards
the acting, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, for sure.
I understand that.
Yeah. Interestingly enough,
I'm sure you remember
Brian Buzzard.
That's... Yeah.
-Oh, my God. He...
-No. (LAUGHS)
-So he's come through to me
a few times.
-Really?
And, like, there's no mistake
that it's been him.
That's so crazy
that you immediately
mentioned Brian,
because that's the person
that I'm, like,
bringing all of his stuff.
MICHAEL: Wow!
Oh, man. Okay.
Oh, God, it's almost too weird.
MICHAEL: Um...
Okay. Well, this kind of,
like, throws me for a loop,
because...
-Yeah. No, I can imagine.
-...I didn't think
I was gonna be reading
for someone
who I actually knew
in real life,
and not only that,
but the spirit
who they want to come through
is also someone who I knew.
So, um, let's see how it goes.
Okay.
Mm.
Um...
I hate to bring up his passing,
like specific details.
I don't know a lot
about how he passed.
Okay.
Was there an issue
with abnormal breathing?
Like, the moment of his passing,
was there an issue
with breathing?
When he passed,
and also, like,
before the passing as well?
I don't know if he had,
like, an issue with breathing,
but I also know
that the way he passed
was he, like, hung himself.
So I don't know
if that's what you mean
by, like...
-Okay, well, that would be...
-...breathing.
That would be
a breathing issue, for sure.
Okay. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
-Okay, um...
-(SIGHS)
Yeah, so tragic.
What would you like
to say to Brian?
I... (SIGHS) Um...
I guess just...
(BREATH TREMBLING)
I didn't actually think
of anything to say.
I guess just, like,
if he's with me
when I ask him if he's with me?
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Yeah.
CATHERINE: Oh, my God.
Usually, I always
kind of talk out loud to him...
-Mm-hmm.
-...when I'm feeling...
-Yeah.
-...like, lost or stagnant
or whatever.
So I guess I would just
want to know, like,
if, in those moments,
he's actually there.
And the answer to that is yes.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Yeah, he is.
Um...
Let me see
what he has to say to you.
What... Tell me what is it...
There's something that, um...
Something that you've
turned away from, or, like...
Or maybe you do it less
or you you don't do it at all?
What is this?
(TEARFULLY)
Like acting and writing.
You're gonna...
He's saying that you're gonna
come back to it.
(SOBBING) Whoo!
I don't know why that one was...
It's because, like,
after he died, I...
I was like
I like lost all of that.
Well, what I'm getting
from him is that,
basically, like,
you're kind of in this,
like, rest period.
But you are going to go
back to it.
You are going to go back to it,
and you still have it in you.
Let me see what else.
(EXHALES)
-I feel like
he's performing still.
-Mm.
I feel like he...
Wherever he is,
that he is still performing.
WILSON: We're ready for you.
-Oh, cool. Thank you.
-Oh, thank you.
-Well, Michael...
-Man, this is f*cking crazy.
This is amazing.
I'm so happy
that this happened like this.
Yeah, me, too.
Also, like, there's no way
that that's just a coincidence.
Like, of me sitting down here
being like,
-Michael?
-Yeah, right.
So, I'm so thrilled
that you are, like,
thriving with this...
Well, I don't know
if I'm thriving, but, um...
-It was so great to see you.
-I know. My goodness.
-Oh, my God, this is crazy.
-I know.
Well, yeah, but like you said,
we're connected on everything.
-Yeah.
-So I'll be in touch.
-Yeah, keep in touch.
-I'll be in touch especially
if, like, anything else kind of,
from today, comes like,
"Oh, my gosh!
That makes more sense now."
Yeah, And, you know,
one last thing, though,
with the acting...
And I'm not just saying this
to, like, kiss your a*s.
But you were
really talented, so...
Thank you. I appreciate that.
-Um, you've got to know that.
-Thank you.
So it would be a shame
for you not to do something.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I do. That really means a lot.
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
Um. Okay, well, thank you.
-Yeah. Keep in touch.
-I will. Bye.
WOMAN: I guess my question is,
how is she?
HALL: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-I wonder if you could tell me?
-Yep. Let's see.
So she is here.
She came. Okay. Okay.
Ooh! (CLEARS THROAT) Ooh!
You were chose
'cause they knew
you could handle it.
Hmm.
You know how to do
the hard stuff,
and also,
it's a part of your soul.
It's a part of you knowing
how to step in that place
and serve,
and you were the best one
that day for that.
But she is aware
the impact it has on you.
Yeah, she knows.
-I've carried this moment
with me for so long.
-Mm-hmm.
I just... Do you see me
learning how to
actually be at peace with it?
Yes, this is the grieving.
This is the grieving out loud.
You couldn't do it then
but you're doing it here now.
You don't need to do it
so privately as you have been.
You can do it openly.
Step into the emotional,
scary space.
It's gonna be good.
It's gonna be good.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, so good.
Thank you.
(SOBS SOFTLY)
(CRYING)
HALL: I know, I know.
(WOMAN CONTINUES CRYING)
HALL: I know.
(PIANO PLAYING)
In every heart
There is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds
from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you
in cautious tones
You answered me
with no pretense
And still I feel
I've said too much
My silence is my self-defense
And this why
my eyes are closed
It's just as well
for all I've seen
And so it goes
And so it goes
And you're the only one
who knows
So why would I choose
to be with you?
That's if the choice
were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart
to break
(PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING)
And so it goes
And so it goes
And you're the only one
who knows
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
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Look Into My Eyes (2024)
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