03x19 & 03x20 - Mental Hen/Siege the Day

[bunniefuu]

Forty seven point four seconds.

That`s improvement all around. Up high for progress!

Here you go, Kowalski.

I`ve got a personal best to achieve.
Let`s do this!

All right, on your mark. Get, set...

Let`s see... Forty six point four seconds?

A whole second better than us - super!

Wait, what? No! That`s a 1/10 of a second slower than last year.

Gotta be... a mistake. Do over!


You could wait a moment or two to catch your breath...

Negative!

Score? Well, what`s my time?

Fourty six point... ehm... five seconds.

- Skipper, I think that`s worse.
- Impossible. Redo over!

Time?

Well, you`re in a ball park.
Let`s just call it a day. Great work, everyone!

I said "Time!"

- You`re now three tenth over.
- Do over! Do over!

Do over! Do over! Do over!

Nothing makes sense. The obstacle course is my bag, man!

Bag? Man? Skipper, why are you suddenly speaking hippie?

I told ya, man! Nuttin` makes sense, man.
So back off, man!

Well, don`t get your knickers in a twist, Skipper.
It`s just a silly obstacle course.

Silly?! My fail amuses you? Does it, Private?

I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again.

A leader must always be physically superior...
What the heck?

- There you go.
- Uh, that`s it!

I hereby invoke... P.E.L.T.

- P.E.L.T.???
- P.E.L.T.???

I too would be similary gobsmacked if I had
the foggiest idea whose pelt was so gobsmacked...

The only way to prove if I`m fit to remain your commander.

- It`s an ancient penguin ritual.
- Oh.

Alone a penguin must complete three Herculean tasks.

Move an iceberg. Evade a polar predator.
And endure the coldest of cold.

So you have to on an epic quest back to Antarctica?

Pff... Who has the time?
I`ll just find the New York equivalent.

- Rico, think you can step in my absense?
- Allright!

Nope, Kowalski, you`re in charge.

Well, I... If you say so, Skipper.
I... I suppose I`m in charge but temporarily.

Uhm, Kowalski, don`t tou think...

That`s Commander Kowalski.

In the event I`d be promoted to commanding officer. I have prepped a playbook of possible scenarios and countermeasures.

Scenario One: Super-blimp sneak attack.

Need to sharpen my senses like little-bitty steak knives.
Be one in the P.E.L.T.

Now, where the heck can I find an iceberg?

Aw, gimme a break! Oh, brake! The parking break!

Come o-o-on!

One down.

I`m with Rico. Do you think any of those scenarios will actually happen?

A heavily armed manatee as*ault team is admittedly rare, but forewarned is forearmed, I say.

But we don`t have four armes!

Sorry to interrupt, guys, but have you seen king Julien?
He missed his 3:45 kiwi fondue wrap.

No.

Pencil me in, Maurice. What?! Powers has it perks!

Your magesty?

King Julien, are you alright in there?

Hello, I`m stuck...

Scenario 52: Mammal trapped in bell.

Wow, what are the odds?

Uh, looks like the boys have a mission.
I`ll stand by here until they need me.

Oh, please, hurry!

Finally! Thank... Thank you!

Um, your magesty, how did you manage
to get stuck in the bell?

Well, it`s a long story! You`ll have to read
`bout it in my upcoming... Am I too loud?

They`re accomplishing missions without me?

Well, that`s... that`s good. That`s a good thing.
No distractions from P.E.L.T.

Task two: Provoke and evade a polar predator.

Polar bears eat seals, of course, seals eat penguins.

So let`s cut the middle man.
Try and eat this penguin!

Ha! Numero Dos comlpete.
One more to go. Huh - another mission?

Scenario 853: Catasrtrophic trunk tangle.

- You really did think of everything?
- Like a boss, Private, like a boss.

Gee, thanks, guys! You even did it without exploding my face off. Way to lead, Kowalski!

Allright! Yay!

That`s what we, commanders, strive for.
Results with no permanent disfigurement.

That`s what commanders strive for!

Um, why are you beating my tree?

For good reason, Fred!
My team doesn`t need me anymore!

Kowalski shoved me aside like I`m not fit to lead.

Well, you`re fit to lead an innocent tree there.
That`s something, I guess.

Aw, who am I kidding? How can I lead?
I can`t even beat P.E.L.T.

I mean where can I find freezing cold in a middle of summer?

Snowcones, of course!

Stupid tree!

Okay, if I can eat this in thirty seconds
I`ll have survive the coldest of cold. Here goes!

Uh, brain freeze, brain freeze!
Eat through the pain!

Skipper! I mean, Skipper...

Oh, what happened to you? Wait, don`t tell me.

Kowalski blew you, guys, up. Maybe you`re not such
a hotshot leader after all, Kowalski. Huh, I knew it!

Actually, Skipper, quite a contrary.

Marlene has a flood in her habitat - scenario 1403.

All we had to do was freeze the water with my Ice Ray and blow open a hope to drain the water.

All part of commander Kowalski`s brilliant plan.

Well, what he is trying to say, Skipper, is...

Don`t bother sugar coating it. I get it.
I`m no longer key to this unit.

But isn`t that what P.E.L.T. will prove? I`m sure...

I failed, okay! It was a mother of all brain freezers.

You`re the better commander, I`ve seen that.

- Skipper?
- Rico, smoke b*mb, please...

Not an order - a request. Thus "the please".

- What`s just happened?
- I believe he quit.

I`m ba-ba-ba-back!

The Blue Hen! Rico!

You, penguins, are so predictable. Now that I got your leader out of the picture, you`re helpless!

Wait, you were behind all this?

Ding-ding! And this time your smoking swagger won`t distract me.

Oh, is that so, beautiful chicken lady?

- No, over it.
- Story of my life.

I don`t get it - you`re the reason Skipper quit?

Yes! I planned it and I execute it.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-brilliantly! Ha-ha!

I rigged the Stop-Watch to ruin Skipper`s obstacle time.

I knew - with Skipper`s diminished self-confidence
he would invoke the silly penguin P.E.L.T. thing.

Then I arranged simple emergencies
pulled from Kowalski`s scenario binder...

...to make him appear to be a successful commander.

- Wait, you mean those were all set up?
- Well, obviously!

You really think someone is dumb enough
to get stuck in a bell on their own?

It was Julien!!!

Just a matter of time until your Skipper skedaddled leaving you poised to capture.

- Oh, she`s good.
- And now here we are.

Next with Kowalski`s Ice Ray I`ll freeze the entire zoo as the only remaining animal attraction.

I`ll gain enoufg notoriety to get a reality show,
become famous for being famous...

...and get elected the next senator from a great state of Delaware!

Wait, I thought you wanted to be President!

I`m trying to be a little more realistic this time, okay?

You might get away with most of that, but Delaware?

That`s right, Delaware!

Don`t say anything!
I didn`t return for some sappy sayonara.

Just came back to get my favorite mug - that`s all.
And now that I have my favorite mug, I`ll be leaving now.

Don`t worry about me, you`ve got commander Kowalski...

Hey, what`s up with the ice?

Ski-i-i-pper, it`s the... it`s the Blue Hen. She is back.
She`s plotted everything.

Of course! I knew Kowalski couldn`t be better than me!

What?! You`re not supposed to be here.

Says who, crazy chicken?

- But you quit.
- I missed my mug.

A mug? I hadn`t anticipated that random bit of sentimentality from you.

But no matter - this`ll send a chill!

It`s gonna... take... more than... cold!

Ba-ba-but it`s an Ice Ray!
It`s extreme, it`s Antarctic cold!

Exactly!

Prepare for some subzero nuggets, sister.

Glad to have you back, Skipper.

And by enduring the Ice Ray you have survived the coldest of cold.

Way ahead of you, ex-commander Kowalski.
I`ve mastered P.E.L.T., I am fired up and ready to lead.

Up high, boys - and that`s an order!
Hence, no "please".