01x12 - The Hidden

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL CHIMING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-Hey, guys.

-Molly, you really
have to say something

before you burst
in on us like that.

-Lucky we didn't set off our
habitat's new defence grid.

-Tear gas, blow dots, land
mines-- the whole enchilada.

-Isn't all that a little severe?

-Is it?

One of these days you're going
to learn that there's only

one universal language-- force.

-And maths.

-Right-- force and maths.

Music also.

-Force, maths, and music
are really the only--

-Laughter?

-The point is we speak
fluent force around here.

We feel safer knowing that
no one, and I mean no one,

can get into our lair.

ROGER: Um, my happy
frog, belly flops,

not big meanies,
and special ops.

Hi, how are you?

[CRASH]

[BANG]

Come on.

-Roger, how could you possibly
get through my defence grid?

[GIBBERISH]

-Me?

Oh, I just let myself in through
the front door-- over there.

-Well then, according
to the security protocol

you're either an enemy
agent or our guest.

-Are you sure it's no bother
if I hang out here for a while?

-Well, actually, we might--

-Make yourself right at home.

-Home-- that's my problem.

-Take everything that
ain't nailed down.

Then take the nailed stuff, too.

[LAUGHTER]

-I estimate the target to
be approximately 17 miles.

Ooh, make that 17 feet.

-First they called me names.

Then they start taking
my lunch, and now--

-Now they've taken your home
and that ain't gonna fly.

-But I tried everything.

I tried being nice, I
tried baking them muffins.

-Oh

-Ew

-Ack.

-Good point, Rico.

Have you tried
hammering until they

run crying to their
little rat mamas?

-That sounds kind of violent.

-Yeah, if it's done properly.

-Uh, I don't know, guys.

I don't think I'm
comfortable with you

actually hurting anyone.

-Oh, don't worry.

We're not going to
hurt anybody- you are.

-What?

-Go on, show them that
vicious primaeval instinct.

-But I'm not sure I
have one of those.

-What do you think
these claws are for?

What about these teeth?

-Well, they come
in handy for arts

and crafts and
scrapbooking and for--

-Look at yourself, man,
you're an alligator--

a prehistoric k*lling machine.

Those are just rodents.

Now all you have to do is
let nature take its course.

Say it.

-Let nature take its course,
let nature take its course,

let nature take its course.

Gentlemen, I feel--

How 'bout you take a
course at this and this?

How about these?

And those right there?

And how about over here?

Right behind your ear.

-Nature can be cruel, gentlemen.

Well, fear not, Roger,
we will mould you

into an instrument of
destruction and mayhem.

In order to coach you, I need
to know what I'm dealing with.

Take Rico, for example--
he's clearly a world class

psychopath so we just kind of
took that ball and ran with it.

-Ta-da.

-We can use any talent you have.

-Well, there is one
thing but I don't

think it's going
to be very helpful.

-Nonsense.

Anything you say will
be helpful-- anything.

-I've always dreamt
of being a singer.

[SINGING] When you hear
the night's last blush,

the my dear, it's time to hush.

One or two, either number
says to you peaceful slumber.

Feel the drench from the broken
pipe, ooh that stench, it's--

-Whoa, whoa.

OK, you know how I just
said that anything you say

will be helpful?

-Uh-huh.

-Well I was wrong.

Rico?

-Wha-- wha-- huh?

-Nap time's over.

-I think we just have to
let Roger be Roger, Skipper.

There's nothing we can do
to change who he is inside.

-You're right, Fred.

It's not like we could just
take Rico's berserker rage

and drop it into Roger-- can we?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-A mind switching machine.

Huh.

Is this going to hurt?

-Just a little pinch followed
by the brief sensation

of 1,000 suns exploding
in your skull.

-Do I get a lollipop?

-I dunno, Skipper.

Couldn't we just accept
Roger for who he is?

-You're an idealist, Fred.

-We are now going to switch
the minds of Roger and Rico

using a 17-speed
kitchen blender.

-So after Rico trounces the
rats inside Roger's body,

we switch them back?

-Exactly-- 100% foolproof.

-More accurately, it
is 2.7% foolproof.

There's a 97.3&% percent
chance that this will backfire

and result in a horrific
abomination that will be

an affront to the
most elemental laws

of nature and the universe.

-I like those odds.

-Switching from grind to chop.

Now grate, cream, mince,
beat, whip, crushed ice.

-Really?

That a handy feature.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-Shred, liquefy, puree.

-Rico, talk to me.

-No, it's me-- Roger.

-[ IN UNISON] Roger?

-We did it!

-Uh, Skipper, if that's
Roger then where's Rico?

[GROWLING]

-Just take it easy there, Rog.

Can I cal you Rog?

Where are those delish
muffins of yours, huh?

[THUD]

-Wow, I can't believe
I'm doing all this.

I had such guilt.

-But you have to remember,
Roger, that isn't really you.

-Still, I really can't stand
violence of any [BELCH].

What am I doing with
all this horrible stuff?

This is terrible.

-No, Roger.

You have to remember
this isn't really you.

-I thought you said
that wasn't really him.

-Well, I--

-Pick a lane here, private.

-Would somebody here please tell
me which one really isn't me?

-Does it even matter?

He or you now has
his or your home

back-- mission accomplished.

No harm done.

-Uh, that may not be
entirely accurate, Skipper.

I failed to take into account
the warm blood cold blood

differential in
their physiologies.

It might cause Rico's
aggression levels

to spike to dangerously high--

-Whoa.

Stand down, Rico.

[ROARING]

-Rico?

Rico?

[ROARING]

-Rico's never disobeyed an order
before-- not even the time I

forced him to suck the cobra
venom out of my left buttock.

[CRASH]

[ROARING]

-He's heading into the city.

-We have to stop him--
me, it-- that thing.

Get him!

[SCREAMING]

[SIRENS]

[CRYING]

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

-The target is two inches
away and closing fast.

-Right, get those wires ready.

Kowalski, stand by
to re-switch brains.

And Rico --

-Now I'm Roger.

-Right, never mind.

-But Skipper, I can help.

I can, I want to.

Just tell me what to do.

Just tell me what to-- [BELCH].

-You're just not cut out
for this kind of action.

You better sit this one out.

[ROARING]

-Now, boys.

[ROARING]

-Don't test me, Rico.

If I have to take out
one of my own I'll do it.

Just ask Manredi
and John-- aargh!

Hold it.

Stop.

Rico!

Bad gator.

Bad gator.

-[SINGING] When you hear
the night's last flush--

-That voice-- that
angelic voice.

-[SINGING] --it's time too hush.

One or two, either number
says to you peaceful slumber.

Feel the drench from
the broken pipe.

Ooh, that stench,
it's mighty ripe.

So swat the flies,
close your eyes,

drift off to my stinky lullaby.

[SNORING]

-Soldier, you can share a
foxhole with me anytime.

-Aw thanks, guys.

I feel like I could cry.

Do penguins cry?
'Cause I-- [BELCH].

-We should probably
get these two

back into their proper bodies.

MALE VOICE: My car!

-OK, people, from that top.

A one, a two, a three.

-[SINGING] I like coffee,
frogs, and belly flops.

Not big meanies and special ops.

Lolli, lolli, lollipops
not karate or [INAUDIBLE].

-[GIBBERISH].

-[SINGING] Lollipops.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-Ooh.

Maurice, Mort.

-Is something
wrong, your majesty?

Yes

-Yes, you did not tell
me it was my birthday.

-It's not your birthday.

Of course it is,
otherwise why would you

have given me this
ginormous present?

-Yeah, we didn't
get you a present.

-I did.

-No, you didn't.

-No, I did.

I didn't.

-Oh, I see.

So you forgot my birthday.

-No, it's not your birthday and
this isn't a birthday present.

-Protect me.

-Ow.

-Oh, hello.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

-What?

No.

Stop right there.

Come no closer.

Maurice, it is doing
everything I am doing.

I do not like it, Maurice.

Look how it mocks me in silence.

It's like a mini mime.

Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.

This is the worst birthday ever.

-Ah, a hot cup of joe and
a quiet morning-- nice.

[CRASH]

-I beg you, please.

-Back up.

What?

-That thing-- it is
a mocking machine.

See that?

It just wants to hurt me.

-Oh, where did you get a robot?

-Oh, please.

Do not be pretending
because I know

it was you who made this
robot thing to mock me.

Quit it.

-Well, ring tail,
we are, indeed,

working on a mocking
you scenario--

Operation Mock Julien.

But it's still in the lab.

It's only at mach two.

I'd like to get to mach
eight before implementation.

-So if you did not make
this copying cat, who did?

-Who, indeed?

-No, who, indeed?

-According to my
research, this robot

was designed to learn how
to be a lemur before being

sent on an outer space mission.

Once the robot has
mastered lemur behaviour,

it will be sent to explore Mars.

-Isn't space exploring
more of a chimp thing?

-It's a life emulating
robot, AKA the LEM-R.

The humans believe that
lemur locomotion is

ideal for traversing the
hummocky Martian landscape.

-Mm, hummocky-- fascinating.

Eh, what?

-He's saying that the robot
is here to learn from you.

-Learn from me?

-Yes.

He's going to copy
your every move

and then take that
knowledge into space.

-Into space.

I am a rolling model.

I'll teach you
everything about being

a lemur king-- the bossing,
the busting, but mostly of all,

the boogieing.

-This can't be right.

-I shall call you Lemmy.

Now you are royalty
just like me.

But still you have many things--
as I was saying-- [COUGH] you

have many things to
be learning, things

like the mambo, the
moonwalk, the Egyptian,

the electric noodle, the robot.

No, no-- jerkies.

You know, like a robot.

I would think that one
would be easy for you.

-I do not like robot.

-Listen, since that
robot showed up

my life has been
easy-- really easy.

So don't ruin this, Mort.

D-d-d-d-don't.

-I still don't like robot.

-Yes, Lemmy, you are
bringing it to the street

and keeping it realistic.

-It's madness-- utter madness.

-That robot will need to be
decisive, focused, practical,

and able to disarm a tentacled
space squid from 50 yards.

-Right.

-You can't boogie your way
out a Martian invasion.

Those space squids
play for keeps.

-But what can we do about it?

-Extract the robot from
Julien's sick schooling,

teach it the penguin way.

-Yes, yes!

We are getting a robot.

-Affirmative.

-But how are we going to get
the robot away from Julien?

-Leave that to me.

-Uh, OK.

-Really?

JULIAN: Do you want us
to play hide and seek?

-Yes.

It's good idea.

You like?

-I do, Mort, I do.

Lemmy can learn my
seeking technique.

Ooh, also my counting technique.

I have added a few numbers of
my own that you will be loving.

[EVIL LAUGH]

-One Julien, three,
four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, 10, meleven.

-First off, I'd like to welcome
our robotic ambassador to Mars.

-We're going to teach you
some patented penguin moves

that I think you'll
find very useful.

-Especially when you
come face to snout

with a vicious space squid.

Now watch.

Bonus strike.

[INAUDIBLE]

Tumble punch.

Are you getting all this, Fred?

Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where are you going?

Dancing?

No, no.

We're teaching you
techniques you can use here.

Do you understand?

We know what's best for you.

Robot, I refuse to let
you leave this compound.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

-Ooh.

Beautiful roundhouse.

-Oh, Lemmy.

Where is my little robo rascal?

Oh, Lemmy.

-I have lost all
sensation in my beak.

-I think I have
internal bleeding.

-Uh-uh-uh, you are thinking you
can hide from me but you can't.

-You found me.

Yaa.

-Of all the disappointments
this is the disappointiest.

Where is my bionicle buddy?

Who knew he was
so good at hiding?

-Maybe he's so good
you'll never, ever see him

again, especially
with the penguins.

-No, Mort.

I will never stop
seeking my Lemmy.

I will seek and seek and seek.

-Oh, OK.

Um, but the penguins
don't have him, all right?

-OK, that almost sounded
suspicious to me.

Do you know some things about
where my robot is, Mort?

-Oh, no.

I know no thing.

-OK.

Then you won't mind
if I tickle you.

-Pile on, men.

-Spill your guts, Mort.

Spill your tiny, tiny guts.

Where is my Lemmy?

-Huh?

Uh-oh.

[LAUGHING]

-Oh, the back of your knee,
the back of your knee.

Mort, are you ready to tell me?

-No.

More tickling.

[BOOM]

-I will spill my guts now.

-Kowalski, report.

-Um, the robot--

-Boom.

[SHRIEK]

-What-- what has been done
by you to my poor Lemmy?

-Uh, it, uh--

-It was an accident.

We

-Didn't need to blow him up.

-He was the only robot
I ever was loving.

-We're sorry, ring tail.

It's just we knew what
was best for the robot.

-Kablamo!

-Kablowing him up
wasn't the best.

-Kablamo.

-OK, I said we
knew what was best,

we just didn't do what was best.

-Kablamo.

-Your highness, this
just isn't healthy.

You've got to shake this off.

-No, Maurice, I will not
shake this, or even my booty,

ever again.

-Oh, it's hugging time-- yaa.

-Look at Mort hugging your feet.

Doesn't that make you crazy?

Don't you want to do
something-- anything?

-What is the point
without my Lemmy?

Skipper,

- something's not right.

I feel terrible.

-Same here, young friend.

-It's as if there's a dark
abyss at the centre of your soul

and all that is light
and good in the world

is slipping into it.

-Yep.

-This is what it feels like when
you have done the wrong thing.

-We've never done the
wrong thing before.

I don't like it.

-Me neither.

Men, we've gotta fix this.

Well, now the coffee
maker's working,

let's get started on that robot.

-Oh, Lemmy.

Of all the good times we
had, the ones we didn't have

were the best.

-Ring tail, you turn
that frown upside down.

Your robo buddy is back.

-Lemmy?

Is it really you and
not some crazy dream

that my head is making?

It is you!

Mort, not the royal feet.

[LAUGHING]

-That is my Lemmy.

-Men, we just made
a very spoiled,

very obnoxious lemur very happy.

-And that's a good
thing, isn't it?

And touchdown in five--

-It's Lemmy's big moment.

-Three, two, one.

The robot has set down
on the surface of Mars

and we'll soon know
if that billion

dollar experiment pays off.

-It's taking its first step.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-What is he doing, Bob?

He's dancing?

-I believe that's
the electric noodle.

-Oh, look at him go.

He is boogierific.

-And that is why you never send
a lemur to do a penguin's job.

[SCREAM]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]