04x21 - Bunker Madness

[bunniefuu]

- Stephanie!
- What?

Do you want your dungarees
washed?

- Will you shrink 'em?
- Well, I'll try not to.

Oh, no, I want you
to shrink 'em.

You see, Phil Rogers
is gonna be here at my party.

And he is so cute!

Why did you bother
inviting anybody else?

It's no fun to be with Phil

unless everybody else
can see you.

Billie!

Billie, my lucky bowlin' shirt
is nowhere to be seen.

The one with the happy face
bowling ball on it?

Yeah, with the eyes
and the smile.

Well, did you look
in your closet?

I can't stand lookin'
in my closet. It confuses me.

I need more money.

- Oh, God! What for?
- For more food.

You see, Eric Johnson
is gonna be here

and he likes potato chips.

Except Steve Kremsky
likes pink popcorn,

- The Krem is so cool.
- This is so torturous!

Honey, I ain't interested
in what your

annoyin' little friends
like to eat.

How much more money do you want?

- Five dollars.
- Five dollars. Hey, listen.

Would you take a ten
and cancel the party?

I'll tell you what.

It's too late
to cancel the party.

But she'll take the ten
and buy the things she needs

and some onion dip, besides.

Wasn't that easy?

Did you want something?

Yes.

I wanted to give you
my bowlin' shirt here.

I found it in my closet.

Why didn't you tell me
it was there, huh?

If I can't rely on you
around here, where am I?

Well, what do you want me
to do with this stuff?

Just separate it into whites
and colors.

I know you're good at that.

Hey, don't be fresh, huh.

- What the hell do you call this?
- What?

This here.

It's, uh...

- pot.
- Yeah, pot.

How the hell did it get in here?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

- You don't know?
- Whose is it, huh?

I mean, this ain't mine.

This here is yours,
Barbara Lee, ain't it? Huh?

Ain't it?

Yes.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe you'd bring
that junk into my house.

- I'm sorry.
- You're sorry.

What the hell is that,
you're sorry?

That there, is k*ller weed.

And one puff of that
and you're dead!

I mean to say, the next thing,
you're gonna have

straws up your nose
suckin' for the cocaine.

The next thing,
you're gonna have

a needle in your arm
for the heroin there.

The next thing you're gonna be
a 50-pound corpse

pushin' up daisies
in the cemetery.

- Take it easy, Archie...
- Don't tell me,

"Take it easy!"

You know how I feel
about drugs in the house!

And with the little kid here
and all of that.

God!

What the hell is
goin' through your head?

I promise
it'll never happen again.

Oh, come on, promises, promises.
That don't do nothin' for me.

Listen...

I've been puttin' up here
with a lot of, you know...

kinda loose livin',
as regards you

and whatever and whoever

and I don't think it's such
a good influence on the child

and leavin' that aside,

this here is the worst thing
you could do.

You've been talkin'
two or three times

about findin' a place
of your own.

And I always
talked you out of it, huh.

Well, maybe,
I shouldn't have did that.

Maybe I did the wrong thing.

Maybe that's what you oughta do.

Go and find a place of your own.

Billie.

And maybe you oughta
start lookin' today.

Today.

But you signed
a contract, Marina.

You agreed to be...
surrogate mother to my child.

Don't be deceived
by appearances, Zack.

- This is not yours.
- This child is Randall's.

He joined
the same insemination bank

you did. I've been cheating
on you.

How?

I switched test tubes.

Lord, I may throw up.

- Hey, Uncle Archie.
- Hi.

I got two twin bags
of potato chips

and three bags of popcorn.-

I was gonna get some candy,
but Ellen Meyers's face

has been breaking out.

She starts crying every time
she sees chocolate.

She is so sensitive.

Yeah, that's swell, kid.

I thought you hated soap operas.

Yeah, I do.-

Is something the matter?

Yeah, I don't wanna talk
about it.

As usual.

Is Billie home yet?

No, Billie ain't home.

And I don't wanna talk
about Billie neither.

Why not?

What's the matter?

Billie's leavin' this house,
that's what.

Why?

Because I told her to.

Why?

Because when people
are doin' things

that I don't want 'em doin',
I don't give a damn

if they do them no more
but I ain't gonna let 'em

- be doin' 'em in my house.
- That's all.

So, now you know,
and case closed!

- Case closed!
- You never talk to me!

I wanna know what this is
really all about!

It's about marijuana.

What about it?

Billie. She was smokin' it,
bringing it into the house.

Yeah, I can see you
was knocked over by that.

Well, so was I. And that's
why she's leavin' here.

Did you catch her smoking it?

Uh, I caught her with the stuff

downstairs in the basement
when she was doin' the laundry.

She admitted it was hers.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, yes, yes.

It's all right. You don't have
to be worried about it.

Just be a nice...

sweet, happy child,
with nice little childish things

on your mind, that's all.

Why don't you just go on now
and get ready

for your nice little party?

And listen, I wanna tell
you somethin'.

Bad as you feel
about this here...

I feel ten times worse.

Harry, can I use those boxes
in the storeroom?

- Sure. Help yourself.
- What do you need 'em for?

Oh, I just had to do
some unexpected packing.

Hey, I'm telling you, man,
that stuff we had

at your brother's house
last night, that was dynamite.

Si. It almost blew away
my mustache.

- That Mexican is the best, huh?
- Si.

Excuse me, guys,
I don't think you should be

joking about that sort of thing.

Jalapeno peppers?

Oh! no, they're funny.

Turkey sandwich. Table four.

Psst! Psst! Harry, come here.

What's the matter with Billie?

I don't know.

She's been kinda down
all afternoon.

Well, why don't you talk to her?

- Why me?
- Because you a bartender.

Yeah. Come on. I mean,
people always open up to you.

So, Billie. You wanna have
a little talk?

- No, thanks, Harry.
- You got it.

Nice work, Harry.

Hi, Billie.

Hi.

- I wanted to...
- All right,

we'll talk down here, um.

Would you cover for me
for a sec?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Sit here.

Billie.

I wanted to tell him the truth.

I just couldn't.

It's okay.

I think that for now...

we better not say any more
about it.

But, Stephanie...

he was really hurt.

He'd be much more hurt
if he found out it was you.

You know...

I don't know why people
make such a big deal over pot!

I used to say that, too.

My friends and I,
we used to sit around

for hours, getting loaded,
laughing and eating munchies.

Because it was fun.

Yeah.

Except for the 20 pounds
I gained, I thought it was fun.

At the time.

Then one night, I didn't smoke.

And I just looked around
at all the people who were.

Yeah?

I just didn't like what I saw.

What did they have? Two heads?

Stephanie, you've heard
all the reasons against it,

and you are old enough
to make your own decision.

I'm not gonna lecture you.

Pick up, turkey sandwich.

Come on, Billie.

Everybody I know
is on something.

Not everybody, Steph.

Not me.

- You see the Krem over there?
- What?

- He's just sitting yhere.
- He is so stoned.

Hi, Steph. Great party.

Hey, kids. Gimme a break
on the noise out here, huh.

- I mean, turn down the stereo.
- What do you say, huh?

- Did you hear me?
- Turn down the stereo.

Hey, if I turn it down
any lower,

I can't feel the bass.

- Man, your woofers are terrible.
- Oh, well, I can't help it, kid.

The onion dip is doin' it
to everybody.

- Excuse me.
- Oh, yeah, sure.

I won't stand in your way.

- Holy cow! Look at this.
- Sondra and Gomorrah here.

Uh... hey. Hey, kid.

Let me ask you somethin'.

No, you don't know nothin'.

Honey...

do you know what this here
could lead to?

Uh-huh.

May Lord be
with her poor father.

Mr. Bunker,
where's your bathroom?

- The bathroom's upstairs.
- Wait. Wait. Wait.

Now, you ain't goin' up there
to meet some girl, are you?

Oh, no. Me and Eddie
and Richie are goin' up there.

- Yeah, all right then.
- Go on ahead.

Ah, how much longer? God!

I don't understand it,
you know. I don't understand

why young kids need
all this music and food

and girls and dancin'
to have a good time.

There's so much more
to life than that.

I mean, look at you.

Nice, quiet young fellow there.

You're not runnin' around
like a jerk.

Why can't they all be like you?

Did you ever wonder how they
put the 'M' on the M&M?

Jeez...

Well I don't I know,
I would guess that, uh...

they got little midgets
paintin' it on there

with teeny-weenie brushes. Huh?

That's awesome, man.

- Hey, Steph.
- Hi, Phil.

Hey, you look a little down.

I'm okay.

Andy and Cathy
are in the backyard.

Come on out with me.
I know how I can cheer you up.

Okay.

But I'll tell you somethin'
that boggles my mind down

to the present day
is the thermos.

'Cause you put hot coffee
in a thermos,

it stays hot.

And then again you put
cold beer in that thermos,

- it stays cold.
- Now, how does it know?

That's deep, man.

Lighten up, Steph. It's a party.

My uncle found my stuff.

Oh, that's nothing.
My old man found my stuff once.

It's no big deal.

- What'd he do?
- He almost k*lled me.

- But I just laughed at him.
- I mean, who really cares?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

This is really bad.

My cousin took the blame for me.

Boy, are you lucky!

Yeah, I tried to blame
my sister, but it didn't work.

My father just kept
hitting me and yelling,

- "- Your sister's only three.
- Your sister's only three."

I just let Billie do it.

I really feel creepy.

- Here, have the hit.
- Yeah. Don't sweat it.

This pot is really fantastic,
Stephanie.

- Yeah, I got it from the Krem.
- Did you see him in there?

Yeah! He's so cool,

just sittin' there,
starin' at the walls.

- Here, Steph.
- Uh-uh.

I thought you wanted some smoke.

No. Not now.

Get out of that toilet,
the three of youse.

There's no sense sprayin'
my disodorant in the air.

I know the smell of marijuana
when I see it!

Get the hell outta there!

Oh, no!

- Okay, everybody out!
- This party's over!

I want this house clear
of all youse there.

And I want everybody's name
before youse leave there.

You! What is your name there?

Ringo Starr.

You're in big trouble there,
Ringo!

I want everybody's name, I said.

We'll send you a postcard.-

- What happened?
- "What happened?"

I'll tell you what happened.

I went upstairs
for a perfectly normal

- and natural reason.
- And what do I find

in the toilet up there
but three dope fiends.

That's what happened.

You stop yelling at her.

Oh, look at this one
here comin' down.

You, you don't go talkin' to me
what to do.

I trusted you.

And you stabbed me right
in the back.

Stop yelling at her.

That pot you found wasn't hers.

It was mine.

Is that the truth?

Why didn't you tell me that?

I was scared.

Why didn't you say nothin'?

Because I didn't want you to do
exactly what you're doing now.

I made a mistake.

You're damn right
you made a mistake.

'Cause now this here kid
is in for it.

No, you're in for it!

If you don't calm down
and have a long talk.

You don't tell me what to do!

You and me is gonna have
a long talk.

Sit down in that chair!

God Almighty, what the hell
is goin' on around here?

Are you hooked on junk?

- No!
- Then would you tell me

what you were doin' with it?

All the kids have it.

I don't give a damn
about all the kids.

You ain't all the kids.

Yes, I am.

No, you ain't.

You're my kid.

Okay, we had our long talk.

Now you go upstairs
to your room.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.-

Come here.

Don't you know that...

if you got sick
on that there junk...

and anything bad was
to happen to you...

I don't know what I'd do.

Does Billie still have to go?

Oh, listen, Billie,
that's a whole other

kettle of worms there, you know.

But, no, she don't have to go.

To tell you the truth,
I wish she wouldn't go.

I really wish she wouldn't go.

He doesn't want you to go.

He said so.

Billie, what will I do?

I mean, without you.

You'll be fine. I mean, uh,

we don't see that much
of each other anyway.

I'm either working
or at my class, or somewhere.

But at least I know you're here.

Look...

I can call you twice a day.

And you can always come down
to the restaurant for lunch.

But you won't be here, Billie.

Is that so much?

It is to me.

Well...

if I stay...

if I stay...

what I need from you...

is good sense.

I mean, look at you,
you're all grown up already.

You have to stop thinking
the way your friends do.

Start thinking for yourself.

I did. Tonight.

Good.

Now, uh...

you wanna help me unpack?

I don't hear
no talkin' up there!

Just a minute.

Did you yell?

Yeah, I yelled but I ain't mad.

I mean, I ain't mad at nobody.

If everything's back to normal,
uh, which I hope,

I was wonderin' if anybody
had any ideas

about a late pancake or two?

I'll tell you what.

You do the boxes
and I'll do the pancakes.

Billie!

You are so cool.