03x10 - Stephanie's Dance

[bunniefuu]

Steph, this is a great party!

And I love Blondie.

Yeah, me, too.

- That's the best part.
- I know.

Oh! Can't you find
someplace else to
meditate?

Stephanie:
Coming through!

- Steph, do you have any nail polish?
- -No.

Are you sure you want
some more popcorn, girls?

Girls: Yeah!

Oh, good.

When did Brad
ask you to the dance?

- Wednesday at lunch.
- Then yesterday Chuck and Phil and today Arnie.

I can't believe
four boys asked me.

Gee, Heather,
must be your personality.

Brad is cute, but
not as cute as Eric.

And we all know
who Eric's gonna ask.

Girls: Yeah, Stephanie!

Oh, come on, guys.

I don't care who asks me
to the dance, as long as
I go.

Uh-oh, Barney's dog is growling.

That means my uncle
must be coming.

He's just crossing the street.

Okay, guys,
you remember the plan.

- Archie: Get outta here!
- Get outta here!

I'm gonna throw
a big cat at your head!

Wouldn't somebody
think to turn on
the lights?

All: Surprise!

What's going on here?

- It's my slumber party.
- Isn't this fun?

No!

Why didn't you
tell me about this?

- But you knew all about it.
- We discussed it last week.

- Last week!
- But that's so long ago!

I mean, how...

What is this piece of
obscenery on the walls?

Girls: It's Scott Baio!

You mean Scott Bare-O.

He's got next to
nothing on him here.

Aw, come on, come on,
this is a slumber party,

- you're supposed to be slumbering.
- It's 1:00 in the morning.

Gee, Mr. Bunker, nobody
sleeps at a slumber party.

Which one of
Charlie's Angels is this here?

- That's Heather Winfield.
- She's in my class.

You're in her class?

Did they
hold this kid back
three or four years?

She's an early bloomer.

My God, I hope
it ain't catching.

I mean...

That's okay there, Feather.

It's Heather.

Whatever.

I wasn't talking
about you over here.

And look at you with
all the greasepaint on you.

This ain't Halloween.

I was just trying on
some makeup.

Girls your age ain't
supposed to touch
that stuff.

Look at the whole lot of them.

Come on, Arch,
what's the harm
in a little makeup?

What is the harm?

I had a daughter who was
one day playing with makeup,

and the next day
she brings me
a son-in-law.

Can you think of
anything worse
than that?

Don't laugh, girls.

That ain't funny,
having a son-in-law
living on top of you.

This giggling
is going through
my head like nails.

Come on in the kitchen.
I've got some tea brewing.

Yeah, give me something, huh?

Yeah. Well, don't be
looking at me, girls.

Just go back to
what you was doing there.

Only, for God's sakes,
keep it down.

Your uncle's funny, Steph.

Hmm. He gets a lot
funnier than that.

Gee, it's too bad
Penny isn't here
to meet him.

Why?

Because her father
is just like him

and she thought
she had the only one.

Want some popcorn?

They been jumping around
like that in there
all night?

No. They spend most of
their time just talking.

Talking?

A bunch of little girls.

What the hell
they talking about?

I mean, they don't know nothing.

What all girls
their age talk about.

- Boys.
- Aw...

Clothes.

- Boys. Music.
- Aw, jeez.

Boys. Movies. Boys.

- I heard that!
- Gee, I don't wanna hear no more of that.

I hope you've done your duty

and you squashed
that kind of talk.

Why? It's natural.
They learn about
sex at school.

Oh, you don't have
to tell me that!

I know damn well the schools
are shoving sex on the kids.

Ah, but will they
let them pray a little?

No, no, not that.

Oh, God!

Lemme tell you something.

We're very lucky to have
a man like this Reverend
Jerry Fourwall around.

'Cause he's gonna stop
people from thinking
so much about sex, see?

Now, people see
a man like that on TV

and they don't
have to think no more.

The girls are going through
natural changes.

Now, no one's gonna
talk 'em outta that.

But that's what I'm saying!

Why bother talkin' about it?

Nobody has to talk about it.
Let's not talk about it
at all.

But they talk about it.

But that's what
I'm trying to
tell you.

That's why you shouldn't let her

have all these girls over
for the night.

Because they talk
about these things.

They get themselves
all worked up.

And then they
go up to school,
where there's boys.

And you know what happens?

What?

Aw, come on, I don't
have to tell you, do I?

- A mature woman?
- A former wife and mother.

I'm still a mother.

Still a mother.

Very good.

Ain't you never heard

of hermones and hismones?

You're right.

I don't think
we should talk about
this subject anymore.

Oh, are we gonna listen to that?

I ain't gonna get
a wink of sleep tonight!

Boy, would you
look at this place?

Yeah, this looks
great, doesn't it?

You know,
we would've won
that popcorn fight

if we hadn't eaten
all our ammunition.

♪ We're from Astoria

Oh, come on,
give me a break,
will youse?

- Good morning.
- Oh, never mind that.

God, you was cheering all night.

I felt like
I was sleeping
on the 50 yard line.

Sorry, but we had
to do something.

We were starting
to doze off down here.

Well, why didn't
you just do that?

Because we didn't wanna.

We were telling
knock-knock jokes.

Okay, say knock-knock.

- Aw, come on!
- Say knock-knock!

- Aw, jeez!
- Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Wait a minute, I...

Oh, leave me alone,
the two of youse, huh?

Hey, hey, where's my
early American table
belongs in here?

Stephanie:
It's right here.

- All right.
- Don't be moving furniture around!

God!

Jeez!

Who owns the plastic porcupine?

Come on, Amy.
Let's get some juice.

Yeah, do something.

I'll get that.

I'm opening the door here.

Aw, God, Bloom.

Hi, Arch.
Where's my kid?

The kid's in the kitchen.

Hey, Bunker, how do you do it?

How do I do what?

Greet each day with
a smile on your face?

Don't be a wise guy, huh, Bloom?

You wouldn't be smiling neither,

if you'd have heard
your kid and the
rest of them

gaggling geese all night.

I was laying up there for
six hours of musical t*rture.

Who told you to have
a slumber party at
your house?

Aw, come on.

Oh, don't complain.
Girls are terrific
at this age.

No, they ain't!

If anything,
they're a little
treacherous.

You're nuts!

No, I ain't!

You should've seen 'em here,

playing around with all
the makeup like a bunch of...

I don't wanna say it.

What?

Yes, yes.

And talking the whole
night long about boys.

- Well, what do you want them to talk about?
- Dolls?

- Look at them, they're adolescents.
- You know what that is?

Yes, I know what that is!

And let me tell you
something about
adolescents, Bloom.

It's like gas.

It oughta be held back
as long as is
decently possible.

- Don't be ridiculous.
- You gotta give 'em room to grow.

You've got to
treat them like adults.

How's my little muffin?
I missed you so much!

Amy: Hi, Daddy.

Listen, a boy
named Jeffrey called,
something about a dance?

Oh, my God!

Huh? Exciting, huh, Arch?

Oh, yeah, look at me.
I'm all over goose bumps here.

- Come on, honey.
- We gotta run some errands for your mom.

Okay.

Steph, I'll
bet you anything
Eric calls today.

See you later, Arch.

Do you have to?

- See you, Amy.
- Amy: Bye-bye.

- What's this I hear?
- Who is Eric?

Just a boy that's gonna call me.

Hey, listen, kiddo, you know,

something just flashed
through my mind.

Today's the day
we gotta go down to
Mercer's Hardware Store.

Why?

Well, you remember
them shelves you want
up there in your room?

We gotta pick 'em up today.

Uncle Archie,
I asked for those
shelves four months ago.

I know that,
but that's why
we get 'em today,

because they're
probably on sale, see?

And then after that,
we'll go through
the market,

and then after that
I'll take you in
the ice cream parlor.

Uncle Archie,
I don't wanna go.
I'm expecting a phone call.

Hey, hey, come on, will you?

You're the one that's
always bugging me to
spend time with you,

and now I'm taking off
something special
to do that.

But, Uncle Archie...

I'm taking off work!

All right.

Yeah.

Well, we had a pretty
good day, huh, kiddo?

A long day.

Did we have to
spend three hours
in Mercer Hardware?

Hey, you can't go to
a hardware just to buy
the shelves, you know?

You gotta buy some of the tools

it takes to put
the shelves up,
right?

Yeah, well, all right.

Here, I'll tell you what,
I'll put the shelves
up in your room,

and you put
the rest of the
groceries away, huh?

And I'll get the door, too.

Okay, I'm coming to the door.

Okay, I'm opening
the door for you.

- Hi, Mr. Bunker.
- I'm Eric Carlson.

Oh, yeah.
What do you want?

I'm here to see Stephanie.

Well, before
you just pop over,
wouldn't you think to call?

I tried six times.

Well, when you
found out we wasn't in,
why'd you come then?

Hi, Eric. Come on in.

- Thanks.
- -Yeah, come on in, come on in.

Sure.

We just got home, and...

So, then...

What are we all gonna do now?

Would you like a drink?

Eric:
Sure, thanks.

I tried to call you
six times today.

We spent the day
at the hardware store.

Eric: What did you think
of the substitute teacher
yesterday?

Stephanie: Kind of weird,
wasn't she?

Eric: Yeah.

I really
came over here to
ask you something.

Boy, I just got
so hungry out there.

I need a snack, you know?

I'll tell you why.

Because I been out shopping
the whole day, you know,

and nothing
makes you more hungry...

than rushing
around them stores.
You know what I mean?

Well, you go ahead and talk,

do whatever you want,
don't pay no attention to me.

You know the dance is
coming up this Tuesday,

and since you're one of
the best dancers in
the class,

I was wondering...

Did you study for
that Spanish test Monday?

Yeah. Why?

- Because I haven't.
- I'm gonna flunk.

I really should be
studying for it
right now.

So, adios, Stephani.

I mean, goodbye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Goodbye, goodbye.

Arrivederci, there, kid.

Strange, huh?

Eric's one of
the neatest boys
in the school.

Yeah?

What did you do?

What do you mean?
I'm getting ready
to eat over here.

Can't a man
break bread in
his own kitchen?

You did something
to scare him off.

Did you see me do anything?

Well, I'll tell you something,

even if a person was to do
something there, I mean...

You don't wanna
go to that dance.

Of course I do.
All the other girls are going.

Oh, well, if it was
all the girls going,
you know,

I wouldn't mind, but,
I mean, it's the boys...

Don't get me wrong,
it's just that I know
boys at that age.

When they get to dances,
see, they...

They sweat.

And their feet,
boys, you know...

Did you see the feet
on that kid there?

A couple of canal boats.

Gee, I mean,
if he stepped on
your little dogs there,

he'd cr*pple you.

You understand.

Gee, what did I do?

I don't know.
What did you do?

I didn't do nothing.

God, you come in
awful quiet, don't you?

Jeez.

We just come home from
a lovely day shopping,
that's all.

The kid and me,
we had a lot of fun.

- Don't pay no attention to that.
- She's happy as a lark.

- Thanks, Mrs. Canby.
- Great pot roast.

You're welcome, honey.
Do you and Amy want
any dessert?

Maybe a little later,
after we finish
our homework.

Oh, hiya there, kid.

You'll never believe.

I'm walking right
past Barney's dog,

and I'm talking to her
and then she ain't there!

Dinner's almost ready.

- What is this?
- She ain't gonna eat with us again tonight?

What do you expect?

Come on,
it's just one dance,
it ain't her whole life.

It is to her.

Aw, well, she'll get over it.

Aw, don't look at me
like I'm an ax m*rder*r.

I done what I did because,
you know, I felt it was
the right thing.

Listen, hey, it isn't easy,
you know,

all alone, trying to
raise a 12-year-old
pain in the neck.

- I know.
- I've done it myself, twice.

- But that's different.
- You're a woman, you was born to do that.

Listen to me, Archie.
You're handling this
all wrong.

Just lemme handle it
my way, huh?

- It's gonna be all right.
- I'll bring this kid around.

Oh, hey, kid, kid, come on, huh?

Let's bury the hatchet.

Come on over,
give the old man
a kiss, we make up, huh?

Do I have to?

Aw, jeez, the Bloom child.

What are you doing here?

Steph and I are
studying upstairs.

She just
sent me down
to get some paper.

Yeah, well, listen,
I wanna ask you something.

Come here.

You and me,
we know each other
pretty good, huh, Emmy?

Amy.

Yeah, whatever.

I mean, you been here a lot.

- You know, you have a good time here.
- You chow down a lot, yeah?

You broke a glass,
I never said nothing.

So, how about doing me
a little favor for once?

What?

Do you think
you could get
this kid Eric

to ask her to the dance again?

Eric's already
asked Melanie Sanders.

Her father's nice.

Whoop-dee-doo for him.

Are there any other
kids around, huh?

Well, it's kinda late.
Let's see.

There's Robert Reynolds.

Yeah, what kind of a guy is he?

Six feet and shaves.

No, no, no, nobody who shaves.

Who else is around?

You know who's a good dancer?

- No, who?
- Tony Rodriguez.

- Rodriguez.
- You mean, from uptown?

No, from around here.
His father's a dentist.

Oh-h*.

- Well, jeez, we'll come back to Rodriguez.
- Who else?

Wait, I know.
Larry Burton.

Larry Burton.

The name sounds pretty kosher.

What does he look like?

Well, short, wears glasses.

Yeah, yeah.
I don't mean that.
I mean, is he...

Well, lemme put it to you
this way.

If he was to go down
to the beach someday,

and spend
the whole day
under the sun there,

would he turn very red?

You mean, is he white?

Did I ask you that?

No, but he is.

- Who cares?
- Could you get him for her?

Well, I don't know
if Stephie's gonna
go for him.

I mean, he's kinda nervous...

Hey, nervous.
Nervous is good.
I love nervous in a boy.

Shows he's got
a little decent fear.

Okay, I'll try.

Talk back with you.

Nervous like sent from heaven.

What'd you do, find money there?

No, I was tying my shoe.

Oh, very good.
Always tie your shoe.
Come on in.

- Yeah, well, nice to see you.
- You must be...

Larry Burton.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Larry Burton, yeah.

You must be
Stephanie's grandfather.

- No, kiddo, wrong.
- No, I'm her, whaddyacall,

kind of an uncle, huh?

What a lovely place
you have here.

- Yeah, you like it?
- It ain't bad.

Well, come on in, come on in.

Sit down, sit down,
sit down there.

Oh, not in my chair,
little meathead.

Take that one there.

What about this weather?

What about it?

Is your business being
affected by today's
inflationary spiral?

You didn't pick that up
on Captain Kangaroo,
did you?

Sir?

Ah, listen,
put the cards away, huh?

I just wanna have
a little talk with you.

Me?

I don't see nobody else
around here.

- Now, then, you know my little girl.
- How well do you know her?

Hardly at all.

I know I lucked out tonight,

because she could've
had her pick of anybody.

- That's right.
- Remember that.

She passed up all
the other guys for you.

Because we heard
that you was a guy with
nice thoughts in his head.

- Are you?
- Yes, sir.

Excuse me, but
is Stephanie home?

Yeah! Hey, kiddo!

- What's your name again?
- Larry.

Larry's down here.

Stephanie:
I'll be down in a minute!

So, tell me there,
Larry, you got any
plans for the future?

Well, I'm buying new
gym shoes on Saturday,

and then on Sunday, we're...

Yeah, well, oh,
terrific, terrific.

Ellen: Stephanie's ready.

Hi, Larry.

Good evening, Stephanie.

You look very lovely.

You really do.

Thank you.

Where's your sweater?

I forgot my sweater!

Ellen:
I'll bring it down, honey.

- Here it is, honey.
- Thank you.

Hello, Mrs. Mills.

I can certainly
see where Stephanie
gets her good looks.

Thanks, Larry,
but I'm Mrs. Canby.
I just work here.

Sorry about that.

Do you think
the dance is gonna
be any fun, Larry?

Well, I don't know.

Check your cards.

That's my mom, we gotta go.

Oh, God!

- Gee, I'm sorry.
- I gotta watch my feet.

You better watch his feet, too.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute there, kiddo.

Ain't you kind of
forgetting something here?

Uh-uh.

She's so grown up.

She's still your little girl,

if that's all
that's worrying you.

It all happens
so quick, too quick.

They say
it's easier
the second time.

How do you know
the second time ain't
gonna be twice as tough?

- Aw, jeez.
- I can't watch this.

What? -

Prince Charming out there
just slammed the car door
on her dress.

♪ I'm not the kinda girl

♪ Oh, no

♪ You do to me

♪ I'm not the kinda girl

♪ Oh, no

Arch! What are
you doing here?

I was...

What the hell are
you grilling me for?

What are you doing here?

Well, I realized
Amy forgot something.

What'd she forget?

- Her hanky.
- What a lie!

Jeez, Bloom,
I mean, you're the guy

that's telling me
we oughta give the
kids room to grow up.

And here you are,
hoovering around
like an old hen.

Me? What about you?

This is a special
case with me, Bloom.

My little girl
is in there with
a very dangerous youth.

Will you let me take a look?

It's the blond kid
with the big feet.

Do you mind?
I'm looking at my daughter.

Oh, jeez.

Their first dance.

Gee, Stephanie's beautiful.

Lemme look.

Oh, boy, she's a knockout!

Hey, Bloom, your
little girl ain't no
mashed potatoes neither there.

Bloom, when you're right,
you're right.

She is beautiful.

♪ Number one

♪ Number one

Oh, look who's here.
You're home early, huh?

The dance was over.

- I had such a good time.
- You should've seen me.

Oh, well, you know,
I ain't interested
in them things.

You know, Larry was a lot of fun

once he threw out
those index cards.

Do you know
he can burp to the melody
Somewhere Over the Rainbow?

I can hardly wait to hear that.

I even got to dance
once with Eric.

I think he likes me.

Yeah, well,
maybe you can go
out with him sometime.

You know, maybe three,
four years from now.

You gonna be
going to more of
these here dances?

I hope so.

I'm gonna go soak my feet.

Well, you can't say
I didn't warn you
about that.

- Good night.
- Yeah.

Oh, hey, kid.

Yeah?

Well, I didn't
tell you before,
but, uh...

you looked pretty nice tonight.

Thanks.

Good night.

Yeah, good night.