01x20 - Monkees in the Ring

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hey, hey, Peter.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Do you realize you're
leaving a trail of bloody

pistachio nuts all the way
across the city.

You know, if you committed a crime,
the police would find you in two minutes.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

Why don't you watch
what you're doing?

Hey, I'm sorry, mister.

I didn't mean anything.
I was just picking up-

- Oh, a wise guy, huh?
- No, I didn't-

I'll teach you to
wise guy with me.

Hey, wait a minute.
He didn't mean any harm;

he was just picking up the nuts.

- Oh, a good samaritan, huh?
- No.

Well, see if you like this! Oh!

Oh. I'm sorry.

What a punch.
What a, what a.

Why don't you pick on
someone your own size

I didn't, I just,
like that. Nothing.

You're a good boy,
and I like a good boy.

Oh, thank you very much.
Can I have a cookie?

No, no. You don't understand.

Kiddo, you've got the greatest
right hand I ever seen.

I'm gonna make you the next
featherweight champion of the world.

Oh, that's nice. Yes.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

? The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's ?

? K-E double L, O double good, ?

? Kellogg's best to you ?

Now, come on, you guys.
I just made a date to see Mr. Shiloh.

- Sholto.
- Sholto.

It doesn't mean
I'm gonna become a boxer.

Well, what do you wanna
go down there for,

man Just to see him is ridiculous.

Hey, man, you know, boxing is
really bad for maraca players.

You've gotta admit,
we need the money.

Things have been a little
tight lately, you know.

Tight? What tight,
man Look at this place.

It's, it's beautiful.
How elegantly furnished it is.

Look at this beautiful lamp, man,

and a beautiful chair,
and look at this table.

A heh heh.
Don't look at the table.

Don't you want me
to be rich and famous?

We'd rather have
you alive and well.

Yeah, besides, you don't
know anything about boxing.

Yeah.

That's not so. I used to be
quite a scrapper at school, you know.

There was this one big bully,
always used to be picking on me.

So one day, I went whammo with the
right and whammo with the left.

And what it, what happened

She never bothered me again.

Now I have to go and hear
what Mr. Sholto has to say.

Please, my boy, listen to your papa.

Don't-a go in the ring.
Don't-a be a fighter.

Think of your hands,
your beautiful hands.

You never play the violin again.

But I don't play the violin.

You could learn.

He could learn. Ha ha.

Come on, Micky, get out, man.

He don't a-listen to
his papa no more.

Vernon. Vernon!
Vernon!

Oh! Hi, boss.

Hi. Look, Vernon. We gotta build
up a big reputation for Davy Jones.

Build up the odds.
Then we match him with the champion,

and we make a k*lling when he loses.

A k*lling when he loses. Ha.

Now, what about Tiger Smedley
Will he take a dive in the third round

If the money's right, the Tiger'll
take a dive at the weigh-in. Ha ha ha ha.

Well, open the door, Vernon.
Let in our golden goose.

Golden goose.

Davy Jones.
How's my boy today?

Well, you know, I-

Hi!

Who're they?

Uh, well, they're my friends,

and they don't really think I
should go into the fight business.

Well, let's get rid of them and
then we can talk. Get Rocco.

Get Rocco!

Get Rocco.

Get Rocco.

Hey, just a minute.
If they go, I go.

Don't get Rocco.

Don't get Rocco!

Don't get Rocco.

Don't get Rocco.

Hey, what do you get
out of this, Shylock

- Sholto.
- Sholto.

Just a small piece
of Davy's purse.

He doesn't carry a purse;
he carries a wallet.

Well, listen, gentlemen.

We don't even know if Davy's got
the makings of a champion.

Why don't we see what you can
do in the gym Right, Vernon?

See what he can do in
the gym. Right, boss.

Davy.

The gym.

Ohh!

Hey, look at these guys!
Ha ha ha ha!

Let's see you try out
on a light bag, kid.

Boy, that's quite a right you got.

Now let's see how you
are against a good boy.

Hey, Smasher.
Come here a minute.

How would you like to go
a round with the Smasher

No, thanks;
I'm already going steady.

Go ahead. Take a poke at
the Smasher. Use your left.

Ahh!

Wow! What a left hook!

Hey, that's not so hard.
Anybody can do that, man.

You just kinda dance
around a little bit,

and you give him a
right to the-ah. Uh. Uh.

You weave a little bit, you know,
and left into the stomach, wack!

Oh. If that doesn't work,
you use your head. Uh.

Got a good left, Davy.
A heh. A heh.

You boys are all concerned
with Davy's welfare, right

- Right, yeah.
- Right. Mm-hm.

Do you know the thing
closest to my heart

Your lungs.

Tell ya what I'm gonna do.

If Davy doesn't win his first
three fights by knockout,

you can have him back, okay?

- Okay.
- That's pretty fair. Okay.

Good. Vernon, the robe.

The robe.

Now, slip into this, Davy.

Is that for me Oh,
that's lovely, thank you.

Look at that. From now on,
you're gonna

be known as Dynamite Davy Jones.

And you're my boy.

Oh no.

Now, come on, fellas, I'm just
going on a simple boxing tour.

I'll be alright, Mike.

Okay. But listen, man.

You're gonna be going to a
lot of strange cities,

and there's always
one hotel with a lot

of gambling and drinking
and a lot of fast women,

a lot of loose talk. You know
what to do when you get to town

Find that hotel.

You'll do fine.

Now, listen, kid,
it ain't gonna be easy.

You're gonna train and fight,
and fight and train.

You're gonna be up
early in the morning,

do four miles of roadwork and
then an hour on a light bag,

and then an hour of calisthenics,

and then an hour of
shadowboxing, and then you-

Breakfast?

Breakfast. Ha ha ha ha.

- Let's get started.
- Okay.

Right here. Hit low.
Hit! Hit! Hit!

Every face that I see is

all wrapped up in frowns

And unfortunately,

it kind of gets me down

Laugh
'Cause the music is funny

Yeah, the bass sounds off-beat
Ain't that neat?

Laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

When you lose all your money
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Or you can't find your shoes
[h*, ha-ha ha]

To cover your feet
[h*, ha-ha ha]

It's not so hard to see

exactly what I'm after

Sometimes a tear should fall,

but I require giggles and chuckles

[h* h* h*]

Some
[h*, ha-ha ha]

When you're keepin' a secret
[h*, ha-ha ha]

And it seems to be known
[h*, ha-ha ha]

By the rest of the world
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

When you go to a party
[h*, ha-ha ha]

And you can't tell the boys
[h*, ha-ha ha]

From the girls
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Every face that I see

is all wrapped up in frowns

And unfortunately,

it kind of gets me down,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

At the things that are wrong
[h*, ha-ha ha]

If you think it's this song
[Yeah, ha-ha ha]

Then laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Then laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Then laugh
[h*, ha-ha ha]

Take it easy! You'll get your story
as soon as Dynamite gets here.

Here he is! Baby,
Davy! What could be

the best possible news
I could bring you?

That he ran out of flashbulbs.

Well, I got you a fight with the Champ.
These boys are from the papers.

Oh, really?

He's all yours. Come on.

Davy, Davy! How does it feel to know
you're gonna be fighting the Champ?

Well, I was brought up in the slums.

I had to fight my way out
of filth and poverty.

Davy, you were raised
in a residential area.

I had to fight my way
out of a residential area.

What fight was the
most important to you?

Uh, the revolutionary w*r.

That's when we gave you
this little island.

No letters on that,
please, thank you.

Davy, is it true you call your
mother every time you win a fight?

Yeah, that's right.

What do you do if
the opponent wins?

I call his mother.

What strategy are you
gonna use against the Champ?

I'm gonna do a lot of
bobbing and weaving and,

uh, lefts and the rights and, uh,

I'm gonna carry thislead pipe with me.

How about that! Ha ha!

Boy, he sure is big news, isn't he?

- Shylock-
- Sholto.

Sholto's office.
Violence is our business.

Sholto, this is the Smasher.

Now when I took that dive to the
Jones kid for five hundred dollars,

I thought I was receiving top dollar.

Now I hear that Tiger Smedley got
eight hundred for taking a dive.

How come he gets three
hundred more than I do?

Um, well, um, because
he's a better fighter.

Oh, okay.

So that's what their game is.

- Hm?
- Hm.

Wait a minute.
We got a story to get here.

Listen, man. Those three
fights, they were fixed.

It was a put-up job, the whole thing.

Fixed? Come on, you're
putting me on.

You're talking to Dynamite
Davy Jones, you know.

Davy-

There's thunder in my left,
and dynamite in my right.

No way Davy bought those stuff
about those fights being fixed, man.

Yeah, well, that's okay, you know.
There's more than one way to skin a champ.

Yep.

Okay, Champ, uh, that's,
that's it, uh,

for today, buddy. Here's a
little towel over your shoulder.

We're the trainers the
boxing commission sent.

You, you are the Champ, aren't ya?

I work and train the whole day through,
so buddy, I'm not number two.

He's a champ.

He's a champ.

I don't dig this setup when the
boxing commissioner assigns me men.

Well, it, uh, it's because, uh,
he commission has decided that, uh-

- A rule, a new rule.
- A new rule.

A rule, yeah. Sure, when
it's a championship fight,

gotta have trainers in there to,
uh, keep everything on the, uh-

Up and up. Up and up.

Up and up. Sure.

Well, if that's the way,
then I guess it's okay.

Is it true that you're gonna fight

Dynamite Davy Jones after
what he did to his last opponent?

Oh, foolish, no.

Sure, it's true.
What did he do?

What did he, what did he h*-h*.

His nose and head, chin, ribs,
and the nose, they had to fix his nose.

They had to put it back
between his eyes,

move it from the side
and move it around.

But, uh, his, uh, seconds, they, uh,
did a great job. The kid lived.

He lived. Here he comes now.

Sign my cast?

Tell me true, and don't make no bones.
How was your fight with Davy Jones

He always talks that way.

It was a split decision. He split my eye,
he split nose, and he split my lip.

Oh, that's a drag. Don't you think
you ought to fight somebody else?

Yeah. Yeah.

Holy, gee. What did
you guys do to me?

Never be able to play
the guitar again.

Oh, I get it. You're Davy
Jones' musician friends.

Well, you can tell him from me,
it won't work!

When I get him in the ring,
I'll slaughter him.

You hear me I'll slaughter him.

That doesn't rhyme.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Get outta here.
Get out of here!

Get outta here! Get out!
Get outta here! I am the greatest!

Boss! Boss!

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah?

Uh. Oh, yeah. I just heard 'em

trying to convince the
Champ not to fight Jones.

That settles it. You keep his friends
out of circulation 'til after the fight.

"Til after the fight".
Right, boss.

I just laid down ten G's on the Champ.

After Jones' three KO's, the
odds are pretty good on the kid.

Hey, they should know he can't
stand a chance in a million.

Chance in a million. What should
happen if Jones should win?

What did you say?

Well, I mean, he ain't been fixed;

some crazy things can
happen in the ring.

Happen in the ring.
Vernon, you're right.

You better give him a sleeping
pill before the fight.

After all, this is a chance to
make a fortune or to lose a fortune.

"Chance to make a fortune
or lose a fortune". Boss?

Yeah?

Which do you think we ought to do?

Left, right, right,
left, left, right.

The sleeping pill's in
this water glass, boss.

Good work, Vernon.

Thanks, boss.

Right, right, left,
left, right,

right, left, right, left,
right, left, right.

Aren't you worried The Champ said
he's gonna slaughter you, Davy.

Oh, no. I just think of the wise
words of that old Yugoslavian philosopher.

What's that?

Haber reeber sacken roba soka
roba seeka raba seeken roba sacken.

Oh, yeah.

Go on over to the boys' pad
and keep 'em out of circulation.

Out of circulation.
Right, boss.

Okay, boys. You can talk to him
after the fight, when he's champ.

Here you are, kid.
Drink your water.

No, thanks. I'm not very
thirsty right now.

Well, come on.
Water's good for you.

I'm not thirsty.

Drink it!

No!

A little w-it'll, it'll
keep your sweat down.

I don't want-I'm not sweating.
I'm not sweating.

Water is good for ya!

Water I never touch the stuff.

I hear you got a lot of pluck.

I wanted to come over
and wish you luck.

Gee, thanks, Champ.

I'm all perspired,
through and through.

I think I need this
a little more than you.

No, no! No, no!

Oh, where in the world is Davy?

He's not upstairs.

He must have split for the arena
before we had a chance to catch him.

Oh, well, that's just fine.

Okay, well, we might
as well go on down...

Don't worry.
Now, don't worry, man.

We'll be there in time
to stop the fight.

I'd like to see anybody
get in our way.

Hi, anybody.
Heh heh.

Tonight's main event is for the
featherweight championship of the world.

Introducing, in this corner,
wearing white trunks,

weighing in at one
hundred and twenty pounds,

the challenger from Manchester,
England, Dynamite Davy Jones.

Davy.

And his opponent, in this corner,
wearing red trunks,

weighing in at one hundred
and twenty-two pounds,

the featherweight boxing
champion of the world.

Hey, Vernon, would you, would you
fix the fine-tuning, please, man?

Fine-tuning, yeah.

Wait a minute.
The contrast is bad.

Contrast is bad?

Turn the knob.
Down, yeah.

The horizontal hold, fix that.

That's that little knob down there.
The horizontal hold.

The horizontal hold
sounds alright to me.

They've entered the ring,
they've shaken hands,

and the fighters have now been
told that in the event of a knockdown,

each man must go to a neutral comer.

Man, I wish he'd go to the corner
of Crescent Heights and Sunset.

He'd be safe.

Alright, Davy.
This is the big one.

You go out there now and win!

Hey, break, come on, ah.
Break. Get in there.

Oh, what an exciting
fight this is, fight fans.

There's a right to the
head by the Champ.

And a flurry of lefts
and rights by Jones.

Break it up.
Break it up.

And a yawn by the, uh, I mean,
right to the head by the Champ.

Oh, I wish you
were here, fight fans.

- Hello?
- Vernon.

There's trouble;
The Champ took the sleeping pill.

Gee, that's terrible, boss.

That pill ought to wear
off by the fourth round.

Meantime, you make sure those Monkees
don't get out of your hands, you hear?

Don't worry, boss;
I got glue in my blood.

Yeah.

Alright, boys. Round two.

- Uh, Vernon?
- Huh?

Were, uh, were you ever
a prize fighter?

You kidding I was the greatest.

Well, you know, it was probably
a long time ago, uh.

I imagine you've
lost your form by now.

Yeah, yeah, you're probably
getting all flabby and fat.

- Yeah?
- Gone to sea.

Yeah, you get pretty old after
you-fighters get old easy.

How 'bout you and
me going a round?

That's fine, that's fine.
That's fine.

It's w-it's wonderful.

But, uh, but Micky's
gotta be my second.

And Peter's gotta be the referee.

Alright.

I wonder where the fellas are.

They must be watching
it on television.

You know, the Champ seemed terribly
groggy these first three rounds.

I think there'll be a change in
the fourth. Go get 'em, Dynamite.

And they're coming into the
ring now for round four,

and the Champ is filled
with new energy.

Alright, fighters, touch gloves.

Alright, fighters, go to your corners.

- Vernon, go to your corner.
- Yeah! Where's my corner?

- Over here, Vernon, baby.
- Where? Where?

Yeah. Right.
A little back further.

I gotta make more room.
Back here.

A little more.
Here's about right. You okay?

Yeah, it's my corner.

Great. Man, we gotta get to
the ring and stop that fight.

Yeah.

Oh, look at that carnage.
What brutality.

You wa-you watching the fight?

No, the news.

Go, Champ, go!

Girl, I know the grass is
greener just around the bend

Gotta say goodbye,
but don't you fear

Though the road is broken
I might fail to find the end

I won't disappear

Don't do that.
I'll get back up on my feet

I'll get back up on my feet

Boss, boss. I goofed.
They fled from me.

Vernon!

Get them!

Stop the fight! Stop the fight!
Stop! Stop the fight!

Lookin' high, I'm lookin' low.

When I find my boots
I know I gotta go.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, what
a fight this has turned into!

Mike Nesmith is running around
the ring with Joey Sholto.

Joey Sholto's ahead.
He's leading.

Girl, I'll never know until I try.

I've never seen anything
like it in my life.

...who'll try to keep me down.

But you won't have to cry.

I'll be back upon my feet.
I'll be back upon my feet.

Chase the moon and sun
to find my...

Oh! What a fight!

I'll be back upon my feet.
I'll be back upon my feet.

Lookin' high, I'm lookin' low.
When I find my boots I know I've gotta go.

Back upon my feet

I am the greatest!

Maybe I will meet a girl
who'll try to keep me down.

But you won't have to cry.

I'll be back upon my feet.
I'll be back upon my feet.

Chase the moon and sun to
find my one and only you.

I'll be back upon my feet.
I'll be back upon my feet.

The ref just went down!
He's flat on his back.

When I find my boots
I know I've gotta go.

Sholto-he's down!

The winner and our new champions
is The Monkees! Hey, Davy.

What an evening this
is in the boxing ring.

Something to be remembered.

You're the man.

Okay, you're under arrest.
as*ault, attempted bribe, kidnap.

Davy, I think you're the most
harmless fighter in the business.

I'll try to live up to that.

It's guys like those Monkees
that are ruining the fight game.

Fighting the ruining game.

Oh, Vernon!

So all those fights were fixed?

Yeah, well, that's okay,
I mean, you know.

Maybe you're not a great boxer,
but you're gentle,

and you're kind, and you're sincere.

Yeah, that's right, babe.

Yeah, and what's more, you're a good
friend and a great musician and a great man.

Ladies and gentlemen,
our national anthem.