01x08 - Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

[bunniefuu]

Hey mister.

You live around here?

Yeah.
Up there.

Would you watch my horse for me?

Sure, I'd be glad to.

You sure you won't let
anything happen to him?

Sure, I'm sure.

- Thanks mister.
- Hey!

Hey wait!

Hey, when you coming back?

Hey wait!

Hey kid!

Soup's on, come and get it.
Okay, try it. My own recipe.

Ah, cream of root beer.

Mm-hm.

Well, Peter, you've reached a new low.

Oh, Peter!

Here we go again.

I feel like I'm turning into a savage beast,
fit only to roam

the countryside in search of
victims for my horrible crime!

- Don't forget the bird.
- The bird.

Faithful bird.
My faithful bird, hidden in the countryside,

we must fly away!
Oh, oh, oh! Ow! Ow!

It's probably the villagers
with their torches.

Right. Oh!

Hi.

- Alright. Where is he?
- Where's who?

Don't play innocent with me, kiddo.
You know who.

I heard all that barking
and screaming and growling;

you've got a dog in here.
You know my rules against pets.

If I catch you keeping a
dog in here, out you go.

That was no dog, Babbit;
that was just Micky.

- Eh?
- Yeah!

Yeah. You know, I was doing
my werewolf imitation.

Werewolf?

Yeah, you know, how y-you're
sometimes you're a werewolf?

Yeah, you know, how sometimes
you walk around, and you

growl, and, you, oh, you know,
and you pretend you're

a werewolf sometimes.
Pretend to be a werewolf.

Well, I was just pretending to
be a werewolf, growling around.

Well, if you were just pretending, okay.

Bye, Babbit.

But don't let me catch you
keeping a real werewolf in here!

Sure, Babbit.

Hey, fellas.

You know what
just happened to me?

Uh-huh.

Here we come, walkin'
down the street

We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town

Look, I'm telling you, I was walking along
the beach, and this little kid came up and

asked me to look after his horse,
and then he just left.

I just can't leave the horse there.

No, Davy, man, you
gotta take him back.

Look, I can't; there's
no place to take him.

Man, we'll get in trouble.

The landlord was just over here.
He was asking a lot of questions.

He doesn't think we
stole him, does he?

Oh, no, no, no. He thinks
we're keeping a dog in here.

A dog? This is a horse!

I know, no, no, he thought
he heard a dog in here.

A dog. Now, how can a
dog sound like a horse?

Ah, you know, I was doing
my werewolf imitation.

Well, I don't think that
sounds like a dog at all.

Well, it does if you,
if you do it in a certain way.

You know, you kinda, in your throat,
you go oh, oh, oh, oh!

Okay, you guys, I heard that!

Come on, move, horse!

It's no use; he won't move.

Davy, you and Peter go hide in the bedroom.

He already knows about us;
it's the horse we've got to hide.

Really, I know what I'm doing.

Come on, open up now!

So, you fellas thought you could
pull a fast one on me, didn't you?

Well, never fear, I'll find him.
Here, boy. Come on out now, boy.

If you come on out now,
it'll go easier with you.

I don't know where you fellas
are keeping that dog, but you

won't get away with it.
And don't think for one moment

you've got me fooled,
because I'll be back!

- That's a horse.
- Uh.

You've got a horse in here!
What are you doing with that horse?

- They really-
- What do look like a horse, don't they?

Who? Who?

Uh, Davy and, uh, Peter.
That's Davy and Peter in the costume.

P-Peter and Davy in there?

- We're going to a masquerade party.
- No.

Sure, we just decided to
go to a masquerade party.

- Really?
- Yes.

Isn't that amazing?

You know, with a costume like that,
they could win first prize.

Yeah.

Bye.

Oh, man, we gotta hurry.

We've gotta get this horse out of here
before he gets back and starts thinking.

- Well, come on.
- Pull.

Wait, come on. Come on.

Oh yeah. Turn around.

Come on.
There you go. Come on, horse.

Come on. Come on.

Peter. Hey, Peter,
come on out of the bedroom.

Here, come help us.
We gotta get the horse in there.

Move! No way! He's not coming.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute, man.
No way he's buying any of this.

Uh, look, we still got the horse costume.
Why don't we try that?

Yeah! I'll get the costume.

- Okay, um, why don't you and-
- Maybe we can coax it with some food.

Food, food!

Would you like a hamburger?

The horses don't eat salami!

Uh, the soup. Soup.

Soup. Hey.
Over here. Soup.

Come on.

- Soup. Soup. Here, soup.
- Wa-wa-come on. Come on.

- Give him the soup.
- Hey, I think he likes it.

Is he? Look at it!

At least somebody appreciates a good soup.

Hey, wait'll you see a horse
change into a werewolf.

Come on.

Hey, fellas, that's not funny!

I don't think he's dead;
I just think he overate.

If you ask me, he's just plain tired.
You calling the vet?

Hello, Doctor Mann?

Uh, hi, I'm one of The Monkees,
and I have a sick horse.

A monkey?
Bothered by hoarseness?

I didn't even know monkeys could talk.
Better come right over.

Doctor Mann?
Doctor Mann?

- Doctor Mann?
- Yes.

Hi, I'm the fella that called before.

- Where's the monkey?
- Oh, I'm the Monkee.

You're the monkey? Ha ha ha ha.

You don't need a vet,
young man; you need a psychiatrist.

No, wait a minute.
You don't under, you don't understand.

I'm not a real monkey;
I'm the kind of Monkee that sings.

Oh, no wonder you're hoarse;
probably your throat muscles are tired.

No, I'm not, I'm not hoarse at all.
I have a horse.

Oh, does he sing too?

Um, uh, no, sir. He's just, you know,

he's a regular animal,
except that he's very sick.

Sick? I could probably help him;
I'm a veterinarian. Excuse me.

You have a very sick horse here.

Oh, uh, Doctor Mann, you
don't understand. You see-

Oh, please, don't explain.

There's no time to waste;
I may have to operate.

You can't operate.
I'm not a horse; I'm a Monkee!

Ha ha ha. Likely story.
I suppose you sing too.

Yeah! Both of us in here do.

Egad, this is even worse than I thought!

This horse not only has delusions of
singing; it has a split personality!

Um, Doctor Mann, look,
we really do have a horse,

and he's in the bedroom,
and if you could just follow me.

I'll bet that's the landlord.

It's okay, we've got the horse hidden.

Mike, what about the vet?

What if Babbit starts asking
him a lot of questions?

Yeah, we better hide him too.

Wait a minute. Wait, I got it, I got it.
The closet. Peter, you and Davy,

um, get Doctor Mann in the closet,
and put the horse costume back on.

Yeah.

Wait a minute.
What is all this?

Well, Doctor Mann, there's an
owl in the closet. A sick owl!

A sick owl?

Right. In the closet.

I can help him; I'm a
veterinarian, you know.

What about this one?

No, no, no, no, it's in the closet.

Hey, Mike, wait.
I got a smoke b*mb up on the balcony;

if things get too hot with Babbit,
yell, and I'll throw it down.

Oh, okay, that's cool.

Oh, Miss Purdy.
Hi, come in.

Hello, Mike.
I baked a cake today and-

you know me, your good neighbor.

I thought you boys might like some.

Well, thank you very much.
That's awful nice.

You're welcome. Yeah, it's nothing special,

but I just thought you boys
needed some good home cooking.

Well, that's very groovy.

Where are the rest of the boys?
Where's Micky and Peter and Davy?

- We, uh.
- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Miss Purdy!
Miss Purdy. Oh no.

Micky, help!

Micky, no! Down here!

Mike, where are you?
Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.

Where are you? Oh, oh.
Mike. Man, what happened?

Ah, she saw the horse and fainted.
We gotta do something, Micky.

Mike, uh, water, water.

Yeah, water, water.
Go get some water.

Somebody fainted?
Make way for a medical man!

Oh!

What's Doctor Mann doing in the horse head?

I'd better take this off.

Ah, I see you're coming
around, Mrs. Purdy.

Who are you?

I'm Doctor Mann.
Lucky I was here when you fainted.

I usually don't take cases like yours;
I'm a veterinarian.

A veteri-oh!

No offense, madam!

I'm gonna go and get
some fresh air in here.

Ha ha! Just as I thought.
There is a horse in here.

Don't be ridiculous.
Are you ready?

Ready.
Hi, Mr.Babbit.

It... talks?

Hey, kid! Hey, come here!

Hey! Hey, come here.
Come over here.

Am I glad to see you;
now you can take your horse back.

But I can't take him back;
Jeremy's your horse now.

My horse? I don't know
what to do with him!

Just ride him,
like you've been doing.

Why can't you keep him?

Pa won't let me. Says Jeremy costs too much.

Says he's gonna sell him.
I bet if you talked to my pa, he'd listen.

Why should he listen to a stranger?

I don't know.
You talk good.

Heh heh.

Absolutely not. No use
to me as a work horse.

Besides, too expensive to keep.

How about if we paid
the original investment.

Would you let him keep it then?

Hey, that's a great idea.

Fair enough. Animal cost
me a hundred dollars.

Uh, that's a terrible idea.

Look, what if,
what if we worked on the farm for a week?

That ought to be worth
about a hundred dollars,

and then we could pay you off.
What do you say?

Well, before making promises,
I'll try you out for one day.

Alright, that's fair enough.
When do we go to work?

First thing tomorrow morning.

It's Tuesday morning! Come on,
I said it's Tuesday morning, boys!

Huh? It feels like Monday night.

Alright. Come on, boys.
Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.
Lot of work to be done!

You got to feed the hogs,
got to plow the south forty,

you got to milk the cows,
you got to feed the chickens.

Come on, boys. Come on. Come on.
Come on, boys. Let's go, boys.

Come on, we gotta go plow the cow.

Something about... I don't...
I'm supposed to milk the chicken.

I think we have to
feed the south forty.

Feed the chickens to the cow.

Boy, is this great!
Do I feel like a farmer!

It's terrific, man. I feel great!

How about you, Peter?
How you doing?

- How about it, Pete?
- Pete?

- Pete?
- Where is he?

- Are you there, Peter?
- Pete?

- Pete?
- Pete?

- Morning, Fisher.
- Morning.

I hear you got some city
slickers working for you.

Pete?

A leg. A leg. A leg.
A leg. There's a leg.

Peter! Pete?

Nevermind, Peter.
Go to sleep.

Good night, Peter.

Hey, bet they'll slop my hog.

This doesn't make sense. How can I feed the
hogs if there aren't any around here?

Oh, Peter. Now, why do you think
Mr. Fisher taught us the hog call?

You mean that sooey-sooey thing?

Yeah, the sooey-sooey thing. Now, see,
you yell that real loud, and all the

pigs come running over,
oink, oink, oink!

This little piggy goes to Peter.
This little piggy goes to Micky.

All the pigs in the world come
over right to here. Go ahead, try it.

- Mi, mi-mi mi-mi mi-mi.
- Oh, no, no.

I was just warming up!

Watch. Sooey-sooey! Sooey!
Sooey-sooey-sooey-sooey! Sooey! Sooey!

Sooey! sooey! Sooey-sooey!
Sooey-sooey! Sooey! Sooey-sooey-sooey!

Okay, you guys. I heard that.
Now what have you got in there?

Sooey! Sooey!
Sooey-sooey-sooey! Sooey!

Now, why don't you try the chicken call?

Hey! Don't let the chickens go!

I got one! I got one!
I got-here, hold it.

You know what, it's just as
well the hogs didn't come.

Why's that?

I forgot their food.

Man, I think I've had it.

Hog call.

Chicken call.

See if you can't do this right.
Go milk the cow. See that you fill this.

Boy, that just proves how
far out in the country we are.

What do you mean?

The milkman doesn't
even deliver here.

I guess, uh,
I guess I better go warn the cow.

Hey, Davy?

No heartaches felt,
no long and lonely

Nights of waiting, finally won me
Happiness that's all rolled up in you

And now with you as inspiration
I look toward a destination

Sunny bright that once
before was blue

I have no more than I did before

But now I've got all that I need

For I love you and I know you love me

So take my hand I'll start my journey
Free from all the helpless worry

That besets a man when he's alone

For strength is mine when we're together
And with you I know I'll never

Have to pass the high road for the low

I have no more than I did before

But now I've got all that I need

For I love you and
I know you love me

I have no more than I did before

But now I've got all that I need

For I love you and
I know you love me

Yes, I love you and

I... know... you... love... me!

Get your things and,
and-and get out!

Well, we have to go now, Jonathan.
I guess we didn't help much anyway.

I don't know what we can do now.

We can't pay for the horse,
and our landlord won't let us keep him.

What's the matter, boys?
Why so down in the mouth?

It's my horse, Jeremy;
Pa says I can't keep him.

Why should you want him anyway?
He's not good for anything except eating.

That's not true.

Get yourself a real horse,
like my Charlemagne.

Look, I've ridden his horse,
and he moves along alright.

Is that right?
Just how'd you like to prove it?

What do you mean?

I'll bet you a hundred
dollars my Charlemagne

beats the daylights out of your nag.

We don't have a hundred dollars.

How about my hundred
against that guitar there?

Please, Davy, you could win.
Please.

What do you say, fellas?

Okay, you've got a bet.

Alright, baby. I want you to ride 'em hard,
and I want you to ride 'em low, right?

Low.

Yeah. Now listen, I want you to
long portion, come in strong.

Now, ride 'em low, baby.
Gotta get down there low, like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, now.
Give 'em a little whip on the side,

little whip on the side, baby.
Yeah, and then you gotta ride

it hard, and you gotta ride
it-he might get you in the side there.

You gotta watch them turns.
Pull it hard on the turns.

- Hold it, hold it.
- Yeah.

No, no, man, he's nervous, man, really.

Oh!

How do you feel?

Uh, I feel okay, you know,
I just got some sand in my boot.

Oh. Pete?
He's got some sand in his boot.

- Well, oh.
- Sit down on the ground here.

Hey fellas, come on. Do it.

No, just-we can do it.
We can get the sand out.

Here you go. Oh.
You got it? Go!

You're mad, you all-give me me boot.
This is ridiculous.

Hey, come on, baby.

Come here, boy. Whoa. Yeah.
You probably got more sense

than all of them put together.
We're gonna win, boy, don't worry.

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

They couldn't put my broken
heart back together again

I woke up this morning,
and this is what I found

You had gone and left me and you
never even made a farewell sound

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

They couldn't put my broken
heart back together again

I asked your friends about you,
and this is what they said

"She can live without you, she's gonna
find a man with money instead"

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

They couldn't put my broken
heart back together again

Someday, you will know the
meaning of a love that's true

But when you find out, I won't
be around to share it with you

All the king's horses and all
the king's men, hey, yeah yeah

They couldn't put my broken
heart back together again, no, no, no

All the king's horses and all
the king's men, hey, yeah yeah

They couldn't put my broken
heart back together again

Ha ha, never would have expected it
from that dead, old horse!

A fair race; you won.

A hundred dollars.

Thank you.

That should take care of it for a while.

Uh, Johnny sure appreciates
this, and, uh, so

does his dad.
I think I had you boys pegged wrong;

I'm sorry. And one other thing too.

I want you boys to feel free to visit us.

Sure, maybe we can
even help with the chores.

Oh, no, no! Just to visit'll be fine.

Mister, would you watch my pet for me?

Oh no!

Sure, I'd be glad to.

Davy!

Come on, fellas, hey, hey!

I have no more than I did before

But now I've got all that I need

For I love you and
I know you love me

Yes, I love you and

I... know... you... love... me!