02x01 - Crimes Against Reality (Television)

[bunniefuu]

Last season, 10 of reality
television's greatest villains

came together under one roof
and made television history.

So obviously,
we had to do it again.

Same house.

Welcome to the m*rder house.

Same awful host.

Oh, hi.

And brand new iconic villains.

You might know me from "The Real
Housewives of New Jersey."

- "Bad Girls Club."
- "Big Brother."

- Original "Survivor" winner.
- "RuPaul's Drag Race."

And yes, we've read all
your comments online.

RealityRanter69420,
I'll have you know

that this is
technically all my hair.

Welcome to "House of Villains"
season two.

I think people need
to wake the [bleep] up.

I have no idea what's going on.

Oh, God.

And I host this show.

Ding dong, the b*tch is back.

And I'm going to run
this mother----er.

I want to win.
It's my turn to win.

Once again,
they're here to outsmart.

I have a little c*ck in here.

A knock blocker.

- What?
- Is this part of the show?

Out-manipulate.

Now, I know why they got rid
of you season one.

And out-camera time each other.

Welcome to New York,
New Jersey.

Kiss my a*s.

Whoever is able
to avoid elimination

and make it to the end
will win $200,000

and the title of America's
Greatest Supervillain.

I am a supervillain.

- Let's go.
- This is "House of Villains"

season two.

Am I living in a bizarro world?

Yes, you are.

Do you know if I knock before I
walk in or do I just walk in?

I'm Teresa Giudice from "The
Real Housewives of New Jersey."

I'm the original
from season one.

I don't think I'm a villain.

I'm just a loud Italian.
We're passionate.

I'm a passionate Italian.

If you really get
to know Teresa,

you're going to like her.

She's so much fun.

You're the devil.
You're wearing red.

It matches you.

- She's easy going.
- Mother----er.

You are a piece of garbage.

I'm all about
the love, love, love.

I don't want to call you honey.
Is b*tch better?

Wow.

Tacky as [bleep].

We're definitely not
in Jersey anymore.

I'm very competitive.

Done a lot
of competition shows.

"Celebrity Apprentice,"
"Dancing with the Stars."

So, there's a lot at stake here.
I have a lot to prove.

I want to take the money, the
title. I want to take it all.

Wow. Look at this.

Let me check out these bedrooms.

Oh, my God. These bedrooms.

It's pink.
I don't know about the banana.

Okay. I'm claiming this room.

This will be my bed.

All right, so I can't wait
to see who's coming.

I wonder who's going to be here.

Someone bald.

And we are home.

So, this is me.

So, perhaps I wouldn't
decorate this way.

- Teresa!
- Hi, how are you?

Richard Hatch.

Do you know anything
about me at all?

- No, I don't.
- No.

"Survivor." I'm the naked guy.

Rich's birthday is today
and he celebrated

by taking off all of his clothes

and celebrating in
his birthday suit.

Being a g*y naked atheist,

nobody wanted to follow my
hairy naked a*s around set.

- Believe it or not.
- Haven't seen it.

I've seen commercials
and never watched it.

Yeah.

Do you know my story
a little bit?

I do. I mean, I followed.

I mean, I went away first and

my ex-husband went away.

- Me too, honey.
- Oh, you went away too?

- Yeah.
- Longer than both of you.

What did you get charged for?

- It was tax evasion.
- Oh, same thing.

You look gorgeous.
And my color.

- Oh, you like it?
- You could turn me straight.

This house looks like it'll do.

Make sure y'all get
my good side.

- Are you a top or a bottom?
- I'm a bottom.

- Okay.
- Nobody knows that.

- And do you do poppers?
- Well...

- Hi.
- What's up? How you doing?

- Rich.
- I'm Safaree.

- Safaree, pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.

Hi, Safaree.
I think I've heard of you.

I know exactly who you are.
You're definitely a villain.

- No, I'm not.
- Yes.

Give me a clue, Safaree.
What show?

It's a show called
"Love & Hip Hop."

I started doing Love & Hip Hop

because I was engaged
to Nicki Minaj.

We were together
for about 12 years.

If you're in a relationship
with someone

who's way more famous than you,

and you break up, you're
the bad guy, no matter what.

You wear leopard?
I love leopard.

Listen, I probably brought more
fur coats than I did underwear.

I'm sorry. What did you say
your name was again?

- Rich.
- Mitch?

- Rich.
- Rich?

I'm gonna call you
Rich White Guy.

Okay. That's me.

- Hello.
- Hi. How are you?

- Camilla, nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.

Camilla,
what show are you from?

"Bad Girls Club."

Camilla, no.

I don't give a [bleep].

We need to talk right now.

I don't want to talk.

I used to be a bad girl,
and I still have my bad ways,

but I have calmed down a lot.

I'm a mom now,
but this is $200,000,

and my kids deserve this.

So wait, why are you a villain?

I guess I'm a villain
because I take no sh--.

I didn't take sh--,

I don't take sh--
and I won't take sh--.

- You know who that is?
- I've seen Rich before.

I've been watching some shows.

- Is it "Survivor?"
- Original winner.

- She's not lying.
- First winner.

- Oh, yeah.
- When's your birthday?

August 30th. I'm a Virgo.

Hold on.
What are we sharing this for?

My dad was a Virgo.

Do you want to be my roommate

since you're a Virgo?

- Yes.
- And we only have two beds.

We got six more, I think.

- Yes, six more.
- I think last season was ten.

Hold on. If it's ten people,

and it's four of us, there's
eight more people coming.

Let's go!

Oh, sh--. Somebody's about
to walk in right now.

Wait, he's doing push-ups.

He's doing push-ups
before he walks in?

Welcome, sir.

Oh, sh--.

The Pectacular Palace.

I'm Mr. Pectacular.

The one, the only.

- I'm Safaree.
- How you doing, Safaree?

- What show are you from?
- "Big Brother."

Go ahead and say
what you want to say.

I cannot stand a liar.

I thought you would be on soon,

and so you're here now.

There's one person I thought of

which would be great to be on
the show, Richard Hatch.

- We're off to a bad start.
- Why?

- Because we're not talking?
- Yeah.

Corporate rules ain't
going to work out here.

I'm good to go, survival-wise.

People-wise, it'll be
a little more challenging.

But I've got the million-dollar
check written already.

I'm the winner.

It's that kind of c*ck attitude

that makes people
really hate your guts.

He is literally the most
legendary reality villain.

- What's your name again?
- Jessie.

I was able to parlay the fame
that I had from "Big Brother"

into an entire career
of professional wrestling.

Jesse also made DJZ tap out.

So, why is he out here
attacking DJZ?

Some people just
love to hate me.

It's not my fault.

Somebody walking in. Looks loud.

- Hello.
- Oh, hello.

What's up?

Look, I am not bringing it.

Hi. I'm Kandy.

Most of you may know me from
being the iconic villain

on "RuPaul's Drag Race."

Girl, get the [bleep] out
of here with that bullsh--.

Oh, well, that's not bullsh--.
That's a fact, baby.

Like I said, if you don't have
star quality,

get the [bleep] out of here.

- Your name suits your persona.
- Kandy.

Sometimes, she's sour,
sometimes, she's sweet.

I don't consider myself
a villain.

I just consider myself
a real-a*s b*tch.

I know you were on
"Bad Girls Club."

- Yes.
- And I know you were on

"Love and Hip-hop."

- Mm-hmm.
- And you are a housewife.

- Yes.
- Oh, wow.

- "Big Brother."
- "Big Brother."

Yeah.

Somebody's coming
in a prom dress.

The queen is home, b*tches.

Can I walk in?

Not yet.

Hello.

- Welcome, welcome.
- Hi.

She has a tiara.

Hi!

Hi. Camilla.

That's for the crown over there.
Which show are you from?

"The Bachelor."

- Well, that's a bit dramatic.
- Hey.

Excuse me, princess,
but the queen is here.

I maybe am
a little bit entitled.

You can call me Vicky or Queen.

Oh, I like Vicky.

- I'm called the queen too.
- Oh, cool.

I was the villain
on "The Bachelor"

because I did rip a crown off
of someone else's head.

- Thank you.
- Victoria.

She threw a table.

So, you're familiar with me.

- I, like, love the Housewives.
- Thank you.

Oh, someone else is coming.

And she looks like
she has huge boobs.

Hello, sexy people.

Hi, I'm Teresa.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- What's your name?
- Larissa.

- Larissa.
- Hi, I like your coat.

Thank you. Where are you from?
What show?

"90 Day Fiancé."

You don't know what love is.

And I think, like...

So, should we cover this
a little?

Yeah, thank you.

Okay.

Hi, hello, Kandy.

- Nice to meet you.
- "90 Day Fiancé."

So, are you engaged?

I was married,

and then we had
some legal problems.

I got arrested.

Not one, not two,
but three times.

He divorced me.

He did? Oh, damn.

So, go to the door, look at the
door, act badass,

ignore the camera,
stop at the planter.

- Exactly.
- I can handle that.

- Where are you from?
- I'm from Brazil.

Oh.

Wait, come here.

I gotta keep doing this to her.

You're so cute
because you're such a mom.

Well, well, well.

- What show are you from?
- "The Challenge"

- and "The Real World."
- b*tch, "The Challenge."

A lot of people know me from
"The Challenge,"

won it three times.

I am a Mensa member.

I have an IQ of somewhere in
the neighborhood of 155 to 165.

I've never taken the Mensa test

or got my IQ test,

but I just run around
and tell people I'm a genius

and then they believe it.

Yeah, I got them in September.

- Oh.
- How many more to go?

I think one more.

Is someone else here?

So, who do we think
is coming in next?

- Someone's coming.
- Another girl.

Oh, my God!

Ding dong, the b*tch is back.

Someone's coming.

Queen H-B-I-C.
is in this mother----er.

- Again?
- Woo!

Well, hello, gorgeous.
Thank you very much.

Here I am again,
ready to attack.

Season one, I went home
way too soon.

Do I see myself in the finals?
Absolutely.

Because that's how well I'm
going to play it this season.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hi.
- I'm Rich.

- You are? I like that.
- All right.

How many decimals?

- You know.
- Hi, sweetheart.

You always wear
the best stuff, Teresa.

Yeah, I like.

Oh, my God.

New York is the most
iconic villain

in television history, I think.

Nice to meet y'all too.

We'll talk about those later.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Come here.

My name is Wes.

Nice to meet you, Wes.

Safaree, wow.

- I can't believe it.
- Here we are.

- I'm in utter disbelief.
- Do we live together again?

Yes.

I know Safaree because we worked
on a project

called "Scared Famous."

We actually were
roommates together.

Have you guys hooked up?

Teresa, I'm not even
in the house yet,

and you're asking
all the big, good questions.

Has that tongue
touched that tongue?

Ooh!

See? We ain't doing this yet.

What is he trying to do?

New York,
they got a room with one bed

and they said
none of us could have it.

Where is it at? That's my room.

New York, when you go upstairs,
make a right.

You get the last room.

Okay, what room is this?

This is Teresa
and Mila or something.

- This has to have been--
- Your room?

I feel it.

- This was yours?
- I feel it,

I feel it, I feel it.

Everything's gonna be
all right.

Everything's gonna
be all right.

This has to be
the gingerbread room.

Last season, I spent so much
time in the gingerbread room.

I have ties to that room.

Teresa is definitely
a household name,

but I want my old room back,
so she's gonna have to leave.

- Teresa?
- Yes, baby?

May I speak to you for one
second, please, in private?

- Yes.
- I'm having a little bit

of an emergency.

She's so dramatic.

I feel like I could come to you

because I always respected
your hairline on television.

Okay.

For real, for real.

I put my Aimee Kestenberg bag
next to yours.

It might not measure up
because it came from QVC.

You a household name.
Well, hold on.

Sh--. What the [bleep]?

I would love
to share a room with you.

I would love to share a room
with you, too.

I would much rather have Teresa
as my roommate.

Teresa is a reality legend.

I'd rather be on her good side

than have confrontation
with someone like her.

But Millie's in my room.

That's what she think.

Let me go move my bag in there.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

There's a lot going on
already so fast, huh?

I can already tell it's going
to be a big competition.

And New York is here
for a second time.

Already trying to, like,
change rooms with Teresa.

- Did you guys switch rooms?
- No.

She's putting her bag
on my roommate's bed.

Oh.

I wonder if she's going
to give her a room up.

Did you switch or no?

- Switch what?
- Rooms?

- What happened?
- New York is putting

her bag on your bed.

Wait, so she's moving Camilla's
stuff off the bed?

Well, it's not--
You can't touch it.

- You can ask.
- Okay, all right.

I don't think Tiffany has been
in the house for, what,

five minutes and she's already
stirring a pot?

This is going
to get interesting.

I think people get intimidated

by Miss New York's big
personality, but not me.

The games have started, baby.

Welcome to "House of Villains"
season two.

I need to see you.

- What happened? Why?
- What's wrong?

I have ties to the room.

This is what I remember about
the "Bad Girls Club."

It gets really, really tricky
in this part.

Your eyes are beautiful.
Are you engaged, too?

Thank you.
No, single.

I guess this the single couch.

Oh, thank you.

I don't want to have
to start problems.

I have to be in this room.

Just me being me, like,
I'm a stand-up b*tch.

Like, I don't bow down.

I'm not going to come in here

and fight over a----ing bed.

And you know, I don't never
give up my space.

But as a princess
to my queen of reality,

I can probably get a little
leverage with her with this.

I'm willing to do what I need
to do for this game

and that is give up my bed
for Miss New York.

I'm going to save you
every time. I promise.

Come here. Come here, come here.

Teresa, is that your luggage?

Bags on my fur coat.

This has to be,
like, 80 pounds.

You should let me style you
one day.

Please.

I don't have any idea
what I'm doing.

All right, cool.

The fact that
me and Rich are roommates

is just a complete opposite.

Old, rich, white guy.

Young, black,
urban, fly, cool guy

with a fur coat dripping in
diamonds, good skin,



We're going to see
how this goes.

Safaree and the naked, rich,
white guy from "Survivor."

It's going to be a late night.

Do either of you guys want to
win the first challenge?

Just out of curiosity?

- Of course.
- Do you wanna win?

That's why we're here.

I would love to help.

Wes looks like he's building
a b*mb in the woods.

But Wes won "The Challenge,"
like, three or four times.

Right, three times?

Because Wes won "The Challenge"
three times.

Yeah, I'll help too, of course.

My strategy is,
how do I not stand out?

I've got to find a way
to downplay that

and how, I'm not 100% sure.

It depends on their level
of stupidity.

Good evening, villains.

I'm E-- E-- Eva.

Dear God.

Updating voice module.

Testing.
That's better.

Good evening, villains.

She sounds different
than last season.

I'm back with a new voice
for the new season.

Is this a test
or is this real?

Welcome to
the "House of Villains,"

where all the unwelcome
are welcome.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, please report to
the front of the house

for an important announcement.

- Okay.
- And remember,

I'm always watching.

Okay.

I'm sure you're always
watching us, you freak.

That was real, right?

I do like the voice this season.
She's cute.

Welcome to House of Villains"
season two.

Woo!

The name of the challenge,

Crimes Against Reality.

One, two, three, go!

- Oh, it is close.
- Come on, Rich.

Come on, Jessie, twist it.

- Here he comes.
- That's it, that's it!

Here we go.

I'm glad to be
next to some bad b*tches.

- Hello, everyone.
- Oh!

- Welcome.
- What?

Joel stole my entrance,
but it wasn't done very well.

I prefer to be carried
on a cushion,

not rolled on a trash bin.

Oh, my gosh, on the throne.

There he goes.
It's Jimmy Kimmel.

Welcome me to the show.

Woo!

Oh.

Welcome back.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to
"House of Villains" season two.

Woo!

That's right.

This is the show that admits

what other reality TV won't.

You assholes are the only
reason why anybody watches.

- That's true. Yeah.
- Facts.

- I'm not an as*h*le.
- That was a compliment.

But seriously, you're all here
for one reason,

that "Traitors"
isn't currently filming.

Ah!

The concept of this show
is simple.

To find out which one of you is
the best worst person

who is good at being bad.

It's going to be amazing
television, everyone.

We've got housewives,
Big Brothers,

drag queens,
self-proclaimed queens.

I'm the queen.

I think I'm a queen.

My name is Queen Camilla,
if you ask me.

There's only one queen
in this room and that is me.

- New York.
- Hi, Joel.

The HBIC is back, everyone.

Can't wait to see what creative
things

you're going to call your
castmates in episodes to come.

Here's how it works.

You'll compete in battle royale
challenges

designed to test
your villainous ways.

The winner of those challenges

will be declared
Supervillain of the Week.

The Supervillain will be safe
from being eliminated

and have the power to decide

which three villains
go on the Hit List.

The three on the Hit List will
then compete for safety

in the
Redemption Challenge.

The two that don't win safety
will face banishment

in the house vote.

In the end,
one of you will be crowned

America's ultimate Supervillain
and take home $200,000.

Yeah!

Or after taxes,
just over $27,000.

Who pays taxes?

Does everyone
understand the rules?

And if they're not clear,
just ask New York.

She's been on the show before.

I remember.

Your first battle royale
challenge starts

in half an hour.

In this challenge, you will pay
for your crimes

against reality television.

In two teams of five, there are
jumpsuits on your beds.

The color on your name tag
determines your team.

It's just like prison.

Can any of you relate to that?

- A little bit.
- I didn't wear a jumpsuit.

- I wore a two-piece.
- All right, go. Guys, go.

Bye, Joel! See you later.

- Bye.
- Oh, my God.

My feet are k*lling me.

My toes are the villains
in this house.

- Girl.
- Is this my room?

It is. I'm in the middle.

What my team?

What color is your name tag?

Oh, white.

So, it's the white
and the black team.

- Got it.
- I've never put on a jail suit.

- You've never been to prison?
- Just jail.

I was in jail for,
like, 24 hours.

I got my hair braided.

I got arrested three times.

I've spent years
of my life in prison.

It's so funny.

When I was away,
I never wore orange.

You know I was away?

For 11 and a half months.

I don't like to associate myself

with anything that has
to do with prison

because it was
a hard time in my life.

I was away from my daughters.

My ex-husband,
he used to flip homes.

Okay.

And he didn't
pay taxes personally.

You didn't know
anything about it?

- No.
- But because of?

- Because I was on TV.
- Oh, gosh.

They made an example out of me.

No, it's not--
I'm a very strong person.

I'm still going to
play the game.

I'm still going to do well
in the challenge.

And that's why I walk with
my head up high,

because I know
I didn't do anything.

Right, exactly.

And as you should walk with
your head held high.

- Where do you live?
- I live in Kansas City.

- Kansas.
- Yes.

Yeah, I'm a Raider.
I go to all the Raiders games.

You're a big Raiders girl.

- In Las Vegas.
- How random.

Uh-huh. Raider Nation.

Where's Teresa, Safaree?

Safaree's taking
a nap upstairs.

Villains!

Damn, that scared
the crap out of me.

It is time to go.

And you do not want to keep
the warden waiting.

- Hey!
- Let's go.

Now's not the time
to go to the restroom.

I think I got
to get in the back.

Or you could sit on my lap.

You excited? A group challenge.

Our first challenge is to break
up into teams and compete.

I just want to make sure I make
a great impression

on my teammates because I really
want to build connections

and alliances this season.

- Guys, where are we going?
- I don't know.

There's no way we're going to,
like,

an actual prison,
do you think, right?

Oh, God.

Here they come.

I'm, like, so nervous.

Do we have to get out
of here now?

- I told you.
- Oh, no.

Oh, my God, it's jail.

What the hell is this?

Not the jail.

Oh, wow.

- Oh, no.
- What's going on?

- Oh, my God. It's jail.
- Not the jail.

My prison didn't look like this.

That's the sh-- of PTSD.

In reality TV, there are heroes

and there are villains.

Those who speak their minds and
stir up trouble

are considered
especially entertaining.

Some of the most vicious
offenders

have formed an elite squad
known as the House of Villains.

This is their first challenge.

I swallowed down
the wrong throat.

Hello, villains, and welcome

to your first
Battle Royale Challenge.

At the end of this, one of you
will be declared

our first
Supervillain of the Week.

You'll be safe from banishment,

get a chance to go on a reward

with two of your other castmates

and the power to choose
the three villains

who will be put on the Hit List.

The name of the challenge is
Crimes Against Reality.

What you see before you
are two prison cell blocks.

Each team will be placed in
a cell block

with each team member
in one of five individual cells.

The villain in cell one will
break into cell two,

then those two villains
will then break into cell three,

and so on and so forth
until your whole team is free.

Every cell has a different way
of breaking out.

In each cell is a lever called
the F.U. Lever.

If any villain pulls
the F.U. Lever,

they are guaranteed safety
at the first Hit List ceremony,

but their team has to
freeze up for a full 60 seconds.

The first team to break
the glass and escape wins.

Okay, great. Go ahead.

We can make a deal right now.

Whoever the Supervillain is,

you're choosing three people
from the other side, period.

And then we also agree,
don't pull the lever.

So, if we all just stick
with that, fair?

- Yeah.
- You guys all cool with that?

Pulling that F.U. Lever would
be like losing my virginity.

That's how good it would feel.

But I don't need
a temporary safety.

I need long-term trust.

About the lever, if none of us
do it, we'll win.

Here we go, everybody!

Are you ready to be
a prisoner again, Richard?

Teresa, here we go.

Wait, my jail cell
was not like this.

I was at a camp,
thank you very much.

So, it was, like, pretty nice.

- Yeah, yeah.
- It was a nice one.

Go to your cells, prisoners!

Jessie, load in.

You go in one at a time.

I am the first teammate
inside cell one,

so I'm going to be able

to be in every
single cell thereafter.

I strategically placed myself

because I would like my fate
in my own hands.

Here we go, everyone,
get ready!

- Go!
- What?

Start the challenge, do it!

Villain one must
unscrew the vent

and kick through the drywall to
get into the next cell.

- Get us out of here!
- Help me!

What's taking you so long?
You got huge muscles.

Come on, Jessie, twist it!

It's one of those typical
prison vents

that's enormous
that people can get through.

Whoa!

Safaree's already through!

Come on, Jessie!

I feel so useless because it's

like I can't help my team until

he's completely
through the wall.

Mr. Pec-tacular,
how's it coming?

In cell two, the villains must
use utensils

to dig into the wax wall
and locate a key

to pass through
to the next villain.

There it is! Blast it!

Oh, he's out.

Don't forget the lever, guys!

- We're good, we're good.
- There is the F.U. lever!

Here, here, here.

In cell three,
they have to open a door by

cutting through some
very big bolts

- with a very small saw.
- Tiffany, help 'em!

I swear I'm helping 'em!

I'm just waiting for New York

to help out at all.

You guys, it's not moving!

I'm just up there
digging the best I can,

but at the same time,
I just got my nails done.

A little bit left.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

And finally we got it.

And now they're
using the hacksaw.

They're almost through
to the fourth prisoner.

They've already gotten through
two of the bolts.

They're moving fast over here.

If I pull that F.U. lever,

I have immunity,
but at the same time,

I'm going to royally piss
my teammates off.

That's fine.
Yes, yeah. Nice, nice.

If I pull that F.U. lever,

I have immunity.

Immunity. Immunity.

Come on, Richie.

Honestly, I don't care

if my team wins or not.

New York pulled the lever.



Are you----ing kidding me?

Of course, New York did it.

We just got hosed because
New York pulled the lever.

- Someone pulled it.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go!

They have 60 seconds. The
mother----ers have 60 seconds.

We have to stop for 60 seconds

and do nothing but
watch the other team

get closer and closer
to winning the competition.

Are you guys almost through?

Yeah, yeah, Go, go.

Oh, my God, go, go, go.

- The knife keeps on breaking.
- Three...

- two, one, go!
- Go!

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Is he almost through?

Richard Hatch, looks
like he's done it before.

Go, go, go.

They got through.

- Go, go, go!
- In cell four,

the villains must untangle
the chains to open the door.

Super long chains, too.

- We got a discount.
- Get down on

your knees if you can.

I just heard get
down on your knees,

and that's something
that's never been

said in prison before.

They got through!

They're clearing the chains off!

- Oh, my God!
- Wow, that's loud and exciting!

Now, we really need to start
working together,

- and we need to hurry.
- Oh, there you go,

they're getting close!

We're pulling through
these chains,

we're pulling through
these chains.

This is taking a long time,

but we are catching up.

This is the loudest challenge
we've ever had!

Do it, New York,
break a----ing nail!

Go, go, go!

Oh, he got there through!

I don't understand how even

with a minute frozen in time,

the other group has managed
to get to the next cell.

Who would have thought?

In cell five, uh-oh, math.

The team must locate a five
digit code to open a lockbox,

then use the hammer inside to

break the glass and
get out of jail.

- What's the code?
- Faster, faster, faster!

I'm into this whole
house of villains thing.

My initial intent was to lay
low, but I'm a competitor,

and I want to win.

Go, go, go, go, go!

What's the code,
what's the code?

You gotta get that code now,
the five digit code.

- Where's the code?
- Where's the code?

- What is the----ing code?
- It's one of these.

It's one of these!
Oh, I see it!

You use a black light,
it's on the ground.

Wait, what is this?

- Stay still.
- Okay.

Four, three...

Three, six, three.

- Seven, two, six.
- Did it work?

- Okay, get it out. Get it.
- Woo!

Hey! All right!

Jeez.

It might have been his,
but I asked you yours,

and you walked away,
so [bleep].

If it's his.

- It was yours?
- It was yours?

I was frantically looking for

this code that just so happened

to be on my chest,
which is--

The irony in that
being the answer.

Of course.

Everything comes down
to the pecs.

We would have won.
We were so ahead.

Well, between New
York's minute...

Jesus Christmas!

Who am I playing with?

Never mind working,
that's out the window.

All right, white team. Congrats!

You have won the challenge.

- We won!
- Yay!

You have to decide
amongst yourselves

who holds the power
of the Supervillain.

So many outcomes,
so many possibilities.

Yes, it's exactly like ordering
at the Cheesecake Factory.

- I was thinking...
- Yeah, you guys--

Two minutes!

Every single person
is looking at me like,

if I want it, I can have it.
I don't want it.

- You good?
- Although I worked really hard,

Safaree started us off,

and Safaree and Wes were
going in and really helping.

It was actually hilarious.

I was watching you fling
the chains into New York's hair.

Who have you chosen to be
this week's Supervillain?

- Safaree!
- It is Safaree, everybody!

And I just want to remind you,
New York is immune.

Well, Safaree,
you have to pick two people

that you get to take
on your reward with you.

You can't pick me,
even though it sounds fun.

I'm gonna say Wes and Pec.

Safaree, you have to nominate
three villains for the Hit List.

Right now?

- Tomorrow.
- Oh, yes!

All right, guys, that's it.

- Let's get out of there.
- Let's go, winning team.

- Get in the cars, guys.
- You gotta keep your promise.

You gotta pick
three out of the other team

- for the Hit List.
- But remember, the Hit List

doesn't mean you're going home.

One person's going home,
not everybody.

- So--
- Yeah.

But you're still picking
three people for that list

- from the other car.
- Yeah.

Who do you think
he's gonna vote for the three?

Me. It does just suck.

You, like,
walked to look for numbers.

Did you put her number in
there? You couldn't have.

Yeah, I did.
You're the only one.

Because New York came up,
and I put her number.

So you think I went
through four levels and

then got to
the end to help everybody?

I don't know
why you walked away.

- Jessie, Jessie--
- I was looking for numbers.

Basically, I'm----ed.

Safaree probably
won't put up his teammates.

Richard is his roommate.

He's taking Jessie on the reward
and New York has immunity.

Ugh...

It's my first day waking up in
the House of Villains again,

and I feel so excited.

I have immunity and I'm just
really gonna enjoy my day.

Where's my coffee?

Oh, damn it.

I have a fear.

I think it's gonna be
you and me and then some

- other random person.
- Really?

Yeah, 'cause
I think that it's, like,

us guys in general,
let alone, like, capable guys.

Our argument this afternoon
when we're alone...

- Yeah.
- ...should be if we're threats,

then he is, too.

It's a new day
and I feel great.

You know, I'm the Supervillain.
I'm invincible.

I'm gonna bring Safaree
coffee or something to try

and not get eliminated.

You are so on it.

- Good morning.
- What's up?

- Good morning.
- I wanted to bring you this

because you're the king.

Don't put me up for elimination.

Why would you think
I would put you up?

Because I didn't get
to talk you too much yet.

- Do you want coffee?
- I don't drink coffee. Um...

What do you have in the morning?

I didn't drink my water yet.

- I need to drink some water.
- I can get you a water.

All right. Thank you.

- Hey, Wes?
- Yes, ma'am?

First of all,
can I give you the Academy Award

for yesterday when I walked in?

I literally thought
you forgot who I was.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you!

Come here.

- My name's Wes.
- Nice to meet you, Wes.

You played it so----ing smooth.

It doesn't seem like I would
typically know someone like Wes,

but we've worked
on a show together.

When I saw you turn the corner,

I go, "Oh, my God,
what do I do? What do I do?"

I came in this having
already worked with Tiffany

on the show
"Worst Cooks in America."

I also had
the privilege of getting

to know her in an environment
that wasn't so competitive

and she's like a sweetheart.

And so, I feel like
I'm in a really good spot.

Think about the advantage that
you and Safaree have by kind of

having a rapport,
but that also makes you two

a little bit targets
because you're friends, right?

With you and I,
we can be ride or dies,

and no one will ever suspect.

It's hard to tell
what Tiffany is gonna do,

but she's a majestic lion.

If you are her prey,
you're in a lot of trouble.

But, I don't know,
I feel like I'm a fellow lion.

We hunt together,
and as long as she's fed,

she's not gonna be
coming for me.

Mm! The rose.
Wrong show, honey.

Oh, she's giving him a rose.

Okay, you guys are
going on your group date,

but we're gonna
do a one-on-one later.

Okay. Ha-ha!

I always
flirt to get ahead.

From "The Bachelor,"
I'm used to kind of,

like, having
to get the guy's attention,

and hopefully,
it does work in this house.

- Safaree!
- Hey, yo.

It is time for
your group reward.

- Have fun!
- Bye, guys!

This reward time,
I would like to take it to,

like, just
relax and not strategize,

not have people
trying to persuade me.

I just want a good time.

When you heard him yell,
"Oh, the number is right here,

"it's on the floor,
it's on the floor."

Yeah, my dumb a*s
was looking on the floor.

I'm still on edge.
I have no peace of mind.

I don't know how
much I can trust Safaree,

so we'll see
how it all plays out.

- Jax's. Oh, big boy.
- Oh, Jax from season one.

Welcome to Jax's. Okay.
We're finally out the house.

I think
I'm gonna eat some salmon.

- Do I need to cook that?
- Yeah.

Can I have
a piece if you make it?

I don't know how to cook it.

It has a jungle-ist vibe.

This is like a Safaree.
Hi, how you doing?

Good, what can I get
going for you guys to drink?

- 1942.
- You got it.

- And I want a margarita.
- Margarita?

- Do you guys have Red Bull?
- I do.

Sugar-free, please.

Walking inside Jax,
kudos to him.

He's obviously
leveled up in the world,

because I don't think
he had that before he went

into "House of Villains,"
so he's doing something right.

Cheers. I'm sipping this.

- What's up, guys?
- Oh!

- I'm Jax. How you doing?
- You're a legend.

Nice to meet you guys.

I found a little bit
of enjoyment out of watching

Jax on season one.

The first person to
be banished

from the "House of Villains"
is Jax.

Bye, Jax.

Obviously
that enjoyment was short-lived.

We need advice
on what not to do.

- Yeah.
- Oh!

You had to
have known that was coming.

First of all, what day
are you guys on right now?

- Two.
- That's about as long

as I lasted in the house.

How long were you in there?

It's probably easier to
count minutes than it is days.

I did everything
you're not supposed to do.

Bananas, is any--

Oh, whoa!

I made about
$450,000 on Cameo alone.

Yeah, he doesn't need the money.

I've never been on
a type of show like this.

Like, this is chess,
not checkers,

and that's kind of what I did.

I'm like,
you know what, I'm just

gonna win these events
and just bully my way through.

Do you know
that New York is here?

- She's back.
- New York is back.

- What?
- Yeah.

Because you're a demon,
and you're demon-possessed.

Let me give you a little
advice with New York here.

What I would do,
get her out quick.

Well, New York is
technically safe this round.

She'll try
to run the show in there.

The women on that show,
they go for the jugular.

The women are the scariest
- ing women ever.

He is the Supervillain.

so you get to choose
the three tonight.

- That go up.
- Yeah.

It's good and bad,
obviously, because now

that puts a target on your back.

At the end of the day,
guys, there's one winner, okay?

And I know you guys are
buddies right now, but it's

gonna come down to voting
each other off at one point.

I know you're not there yet,
but you gotta win this money,

and at the end of the day,
that's what it's all about.

I hope it comes down
to you three, I really do.

But good luck to you, enjoy
your night out of the house.

Have a good time.

Give my best to New York.

Tell her I think
she's the devil.

She'll know what that means.

As much as I like to
eat good food and drink

good drinks,
I like to do so with my friends.

And these people
are not my friends.

These are people
that I am manipulating

in an effort to get
to the end of a game.

Let's talk a little strategy.

I'm known as
a pretty good player.

You know, I won the first
season without anything behind,

so I know people
think of me as a threat.

I don't know
if I can completely trust you,

but I feel like I can.

I'm pretty drawn to Camilla.

There's something more to her
and I'm impressed.

- You happy to have kids?
- I am.

It's just like now I'm fighting
for someone and working,

you know,
it's not just about me anymore.

I hope she starts to
or can try to think

that I might actually
be open and honest with her.

You gotta find somebody
with whom you can... journey.

It's so funny to be
here with Rich because

I am a super fan of "Survivor."

I also want to use this
to my advantage because Rich

can teach me some things.

I'm listening to everything
that Rich is telling me because

maybe he is
telling me truthful stuff,

and I can use
that to my advantage.

And not try and stir it up,
but I think Safaree's dangerous.

Safaree's smart.
He's not a dumb person.

I think Wes is dangerous.

Let's talk a little strategy.

We're gonna have some power.

If and when we're not
put up, we get to vote,

which means we get to
contrive who goes home.

What do they call it in
"Big Brother?" There's a target,

- and then there's a...
- Pawn.

Pawn. We basically would
put in two pawns and a target.

If we save someone,
we can tell whoever that is

that we saved them because
you told us to save them.

Who would
that person be, though?

- Whoever you want it to be.
- Kandy?

After the redemption challenge,

we would agree to go get
as many people as we can

to all vote to save whoever

the remaining pawn is,
sending home the target.

Damn.

Wes pulling the strings.

We're just
being calm and quiet about it.

He's waiting until it's time
to strike, and I respect it.

I think
the target would be Vicky.

You can tell
she just wants to win.

And then I'd pick whoever
the least assuming next ones

are that would cause
the least amount of waves.

We're basically deciding between
Teresa, Kandy, and Larissa.

And then suppose
freaking Victoria wins.

That's why the other
two would still be people

- we'd be okay with losing.
- Yeah.

Okay, I kind of
want to know what we're doing.

I like coming up with plans,
sticking to them.

So, I feel like new things
keep on happening

that are, like,

- altering my thought process.
- Yeah.

I don't really know
what Safaree's doing, honestly.

Like, we would classify
this as a rookie in power.

The more he dances
around the topic at hand,

the more I just feel
like he's setting us up.

It's "House of Villains."
I want to do some villainy sh--.

Boom, curveball.

I'm not a big fan of curveballs.

Four. No, I'm just kidding.

Maybe a seven or an eight.

Teresa's like,
"I don't even know."

Yeah, I guess we'll see tonight.

I think...

I'm hoping that while Safaree
was out on his little date

with Pecs and Wes,
Wes doubled down

on making sure
that Safaree picks

three members
of the other team.

And I know you've
been thinking to yourself,

this is "House of Villains,"
not House of Trustworthiness,

but Safaree
should be worried because

if he makes
a stupid move tonight,

then moving forward,
baby, your a*s is out of here.

If I'm put up, like,

- that would just be, like...
- Horrible, huh?

You still have
a chance to get out

of it in
the Redemption Challenge.

- That's a good thing.
- Totally.

Okay, guys, should we all
make a pact that if we end up,

we can vote each
other out of the redemption?

- Is there such a thing?
- I don't think that's a thing.

- Honey, I'm home.
- Sweetheart.

- The boys.
- Hi.

Where do you guys think we went?

Jax's.

- How was it?
- It was good.

- It was really cool.
- I'm a little drunk.

What did you guys go do?

I see liquor, I see presents.

- Hey.
- What's going on?

Guess who we saw?

- Jax.
- Yo, listen,

when we told him
you were back,

he lost his sh--.

He was not happy.
He said, "What?"

It was on a foundation
of jealousy, let's be real.

Too bad. You could
never live up to be me.

You're not the HBIC.

You're just a demon that is
going back to the pits of hell.

No, he said to
tell you that you're the devil.

- Oh!
- And that you'd

know what that means.

I do, I do. Okay,
Jax, I'll take that shot.

Oh!

- Good evening, villains.
- Good evening.

Try to show out and
put on your fanciest attire

and meet downstairs
in one hour for your first

Hit List nomination ceremony.

I feel very uneasy.

I just don't trust
nobody in this house.

It's a villain's house,
for crying out loud.

Everybody is
doing villain things.

- You look good.
- You look good.

Villains, it's time for
your Hit List nominations.

It's time.

Your impending
doom awaits, honey.

Larissa, hurry up.

- Oh, my God.
- Yo!

Please go through
the not-so-secret bookcase

to the stronghold.

I feel good because
we made a pact in our group,

but I don't really know Safaree.

I just met him.

So for me, tonight's
gonna be very telling.

What the...

- Hello.
- Oh, hi.

Hi. Ooh, new set.

Oh, it's fancy.
We got some money up in here.

It looks like
a futuristic sex dungeon.

Very different
from last season, huh?

It still goes down in here,
though, so...

Hello, villains, and welcome to
the new and improved stronghold.

There it is.

This fortress will be home to
both our Hit List nominations

and our
banishment ceremonies.

Safaree, congratulations.

You are the Supervillain
of the Week.

How has it been?

- So-far-ee, so goody?
- Never heard that before.

Please take your throne.

Safaree, you get to choose
the three villains

that are gonna be
put on the Hit List.

They will be the only
villains up for banishment.

And as a reminder,
you cannot choose New York

because she
pulled the F.U. lever.

Do you have any regrets
about pulling the lever?

No, I don't.

I'm gonna pull any lever that's
hard and ready for my hand.

- I believe it.
- All right.

Safaree, I hope
you've thought real hard

about this decision,
because one will be voted out,

but the other two will
remain in the house

and will most likely be pissed
at you the rest of the time.

So, Safaree,
who is the first villain

you are pissing off today?

Safaree,
who is the first villain

you are pissing off today?

First and foremost,
I want to say

that I appreciate my roommate.

Safaree said that he wouldn't
put me on the Hit List.

It seemed sincere.

He said I snored.

I just want
to say that I'm sorry

because we'll have some
more nights to sleep together.

Larissa's first.

Yeah!

Larissa, you are the first
villain up for banishment.

I'm confused.
I thought we had a pact.

Whoever the supervillain is,

you're choosing three
people from the other side.

Baby, he's----ed.

Everyone's going to know that
you're not a man of your word.

Safaree, why Larissa?

Honestly,
I just don't want any floaters.

I just don't
want any sneaky people.

You think she could be sneaky?

Larissa,
anything to say in reply?

He's sneaky,
he's betrayed his team,

and if he's back,
his life is going to be a hell.

Just this.

Safaree, your Pepto-Bismol

themed jacket needs
to make another decision.

Mm...

I just want to say that...

But that
spot on the Hit List is.

Whatever.

Victoria, are
you surprised you're up there?

No, because I knew
from day one how he was,

and he's playing the game.

- He's fake, so...
- Was he flirting with you?

No, I tried to flirt
my way out of this spot.

Safaree, who is the last villain

you're going
to put on the Hit List?

The biggest threats in
the house, it's obvious.

You know,
I already broke that pact.

By taking one
person off of the team,

which was Larissa and...

Wes. I apologize.

It's Kandy.

If we save someone,
we can tell whoever that is

that we saved them because
you told us to save them.

Who would
that person be, though?

- Whoever you want it to be.
- Kandy?

I'm a little confused
as to why I'm even chosen

to be in the bottom.

I literally helped
Safaree and Wes to get

to the----ing end
of the prison break.

Now, everyone sees
that you're a snake.

Safaree, why Kandy Muse?

I just know who I spoke
to a lot in this house who kind

of just wasn't talking
to me or paying attention.

Girl, [bleep] all that.
At the end of the day,

b*tch, we made a pact,
and you broke it.

You're a sorry excuse for
a----ing man standing there

with your pink fur coat on,
looking like a----ing

prolapsed as*h*le waiting to
get pushed back inside.

That is exactly why
Nicki Minaj left your a*s,

you sorry-a*s snake, and
I hope that I get eliminated.

b*tch, because if I don't,
you are the next b*tch out of

this----ing house.
Now clock that tea.

Wow.

b*tch.

This season on
"House of Villains..."

- Oh!
- Holy crap.

I would watch this show.

We're losing our freaking minds.

That's what
the hell is happening.

I need wine and a straitjacket.

You have an evil laugh.

Tempers are flaring.
Everybody's on edge.

You're gonna come into
the "House of Villains?"

This is my mother----ing house.

They think I'm delicate like
a little flower,

but no, b*tch, I'm a b*mb.

Look at the money we're spending
on these explosions.

Strap in for more villainy.

I don't give a
about any of you.

I'm gonna ride you
until you tell me the truth.

- Ride me then.
- Your Prince Albert couldn't

take it, but I'm still
gonna give it a try.

Okay, I don't know
what that means, but...

- That means more drama.
- You don't scare me.

Poke the bear and you're not
gonna like who you see.

I am a certified genius that
you let into the----ing house.

- More flirty couples...
- I think you're very beautiful.

You need to be neutered
after what he did tonight.

...maybe even a throuple.

I kid.

We've got surprises.

I'm back, b*tches!

- What's your name?
- You don't know who I am?

This is my classroom,
so you better follow my rules.

- Or else.
- Oh!

- Now spit it in my mouth.
- What?

What the--

People don't understand.

Just, like, screamed at me.

I'm, like, shaking.

When you
take a shot at the king,

you better not miss.

We are some real jackasses.

- Oh!
- We need a medic!

Don't you understand?

I am the villain!

He hasn't been the mastermind!

Bend now!
Get on your knees now!

You just never
know what's happening.

Oh, I'm so scared.

- y'all.
- Suck my----.

We're really in the middle
of making a hit TV show.