♪♪
[Horse Whinnies]
[Horse Whinnies]
Welcome To The Castle
Of Count Krelski.
Release Her,
You Monster!
You Fool.
She Cannot Hear You.
Your Precious Maria
Is In My Power Now.
Maria, My Darling,
Come To Me.
Our Love Is More Powerful
Than A Vampire's Trance.
Come To Me.
Come To Me, Maria.
[Screaming]
True Love.
How Quaint.
You've Forgotten
One Thing, Krelski.
Krelski: No, Victor.
It Is You
Who Have Forgotten.
[Wolves Howling]
Listen.
Listen To The Night,
And Hear A Song
That Will Chill Your Soul.
[Telephone Rings]
[Ring]
Aah.
Run, Maria. Run!
[Ring]
Hello.
Hi, Peter.
I Was Hoping You'd Call.
Could You Do That
Somewhere Else?
Thanks.
Hey, Come On. This Is
The Revenge Of Count Krelski.
No, It's Not.
It's The Revenge
Of Chelsea Hansen.
[Growling]
So What
Are You Doing?
No. It's Just
My Dumb Brother
Watching
Some Vampire Movie.
Both: Do You Think
A Mere Mortal
Can Stand Up To Me?!
To Count Krelski?!
Why Should
I Go Upstairs?
Adam Should
Go Upstairs.
Both: Prepare
To Meet Your Doom.
Prepare To Meet
Your Doom.
Mom: Hey, Kids.
Sorry It Took So Long
Getting Home.
Adam.
Mom.
Hey, Come On.
That Was Just
Getting Good.
Thank You.
You're Welcome.
Is That Peter?
It Most
Certainly Is.
Mom: Could You Tell Him
You'll Call Him Back
After You've Finished
Your Homework.
I Gotta Go.
My Mom's Home.
Oh, No.
Don't Tell Me
You're Watching
The Movie.
Adam Said It Was Ok.
You Know Taylor's
Scared Of Monsters.
No, I'm Not.
That's Just
Where I Like To Sit.
I Just Don't
Want You To Have
Any Nightmares, Honey.
Adam: See,
That's The Thing.
I Believe That
Watching The Revenge
Of Count Krelski
Is An Effective Way
For Taylor
To Come To Terms
With His Fear.
As Far
As I Am Concerned,
That Is A Pg Movie.
That Means Guidance
From Me...
The Parental...
Or Whatever.
Do You Want To Help Me
Make Dinner?
Yeah.
Ok.
All Right, You Two,
Homework, Upstairs, Now.
Moms.
Moms.
Kids.
Vampires.
Cool.
[Knock On Door]
Um...
Come In.
Hey, Have You
Got A Minute?
Uh, Yeah.
Just Doing My Homework.
I've Got
Some News.
What's Up?
Well, See, Honey,
When People
Get Divorced--
Hey, Is That Dad's
Wedding Invitation?
You Knew?
Oh, Yeah. He Told Me
Last Weekend
When He Took Me
To The Football Game.
Well, What About
Your Brother And Sister?
Yeah, They Know, Too.
Taylor's Bringing In
The Rings Or Something.
Didn't You Know?
No, I Didn't.
Well, I Guess I Rehearsed
That Speech For Nothing.
Dinner'll Be Ready In 10.
Mom?
You're Still The b*mb.
Is That Good?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Saturday Night.
Are You Up?
What's
Saturday Night?
Hello?
The Harvest Festival.
I Don't Know.
I Mean, I Guess.
You Guess?
Are You Kidding?
The Headless Horsemen
Are Playing.
Yeah, But That's Been
Sold Out For Weeks, Man.
Didn't I Tell You?
My Brother Thinks
He Can Get Us Tickets.
No, You
Didn't Tell Me.
Oh, Yeah.
He's Answering Phones
At The Radio Station Now.
Just Saying Maybe.
Dude! Just Maybe.
[School Bell Rings]
See You After Class.
Yeah,
I Heard About That.
See You After Class.
All Right, Guys.
Let's Talk Homework.
Since It Was Only
A One-Page Essay,
I Am Going To Assume
That You All Did It.
Who's Got Something
They'd Like To Read
In Front Of The Class?
All The Usual Suspects.
Ok, Hands Down.
Ladies And Gentlemen,
Let's Go Off The Map
To A Country We Haven't
Heard From In A While.
"Who I Admire Most,"
An Essay By Adam Hansen.
Uh, Can--Can I
Take A Rain Check?
I've Still Got
Some Problems,
You Know,
Just With The Way
It Flows.
Adam, I'm Sure
It Flows Just Beautifully.
Yeah. Right.
Adam: All Right.
[Clearing Throat]
"Are Vampires Real?
"There Are Those
Who Believe They Are.
"What If Vampires
Walk The Earth?
"Who Can Stop Them?
"One Man--
"Malachi Van Helsing,
"A Noted Hematologist
"Who Abandoned His Thriving
New York City Practice
"To Devote His Life
To Hunting Down The Undead,
"The Vampires
That Van Helsing Himself
Believes Walk Among Us."
Are You Making This Up?
No. It's Right Here
In The Weekly Secret.
See?
Oh, Yes, I See.
Right Beside The Story
Of The Baby Who Was
Raised By Orangutans.
Right. Yeah.
Dude, I Heard
You Pulled Out A Copy
Of The Weekly Secret
In Your History Class.
Yeah, So?
Just 'Cause You Read Something
In The Weekly Secret
Doesn't Mean
It's Not True.
Actually,
It Kinda Does, Adam.
Whatever.
So What Happened
With Your Brother?
Are We Going To The Show?
The Radio Station?
The Headless Horsemen?
Oh! Right.
He Didn't
Get The Tickets.
He Got Us
Backstage Passes!
Backstage Passes?!
Yeah,
My Brother's Driving.
Pick You Up At 8:00.
Hi, Mom.
Could You Come In Here
For A Minute, Please?
Yeah, Sure.
What's Going On?
Sit Down.
I Just Got Off The Phone
With Your History Teacher,
Mrs. Cruson.
She Told Me That You
Didn't Do Your Assignment
And That You
Threw Something Together
Based On A Made-Up Story
In The Weekly Secret.
I Think We Need To Look
At The Bigger Picture
Here, Lynette.
Excuse Me?
Since When Do You
Call Me Lynette?
I'm Just Trying
To Dialog Here.
You're 13 Years Old.
You Don't Dialog.
And The Bigger Picture Is
I Told You
To Do Your Homework
And You Didn't Do It.
I Got A Handle On It.
No, You Don't.
You're Too Young
To Have A Handle On It.
I'm Not A Baby.
No, But You Are A Kid,
And You're
Part Of This Family,
And The Rule
In This Family Is
If You Don't Do Your Homework,
You're Grounded.
Mom!
Busted.
Just For The Weekend.
But Duffy
Got Backstage Passes
To The Headless Horsemen
Concert!
Well, Then I Hope
Duffy Did His Homework.
No, I Mean,
Duffy Got Me One, Too.
Please May I
Have Your Permission
To Attend
A Once-In-A-Lifetime
Musical Event.
Can't Talk Your Way
Out Of This One.
Excuse Me.
This Is Between
Your Brother And Me.
You Know What?
You're Right.
I Should Be Grounded.
Just Not
For This Weekend,
So Tell You What.
Instead Of Grounding Me
For The Weekend,
Ground Me
For The Whole Week--
No Tv, No Computer,
No Nothing.
We'll Just Start Sunday.
How's That Sound?
Please?
Sorry.
That's The Way It Is.
[Sighs]
Enjoy Your Weekend,
Dweeb.
Grr.
You Know What, Chelsea?
Just For That Remark,
You're Grounded, Too.
But, Mom, You Can't.
I've Got A Date
With Peter Tomorrow Night.
Well, Maybe If I Lock
The Two Of You Up Together,
You'll Learn To Get Along.
I Am Such A Genius.
Don't You Knock?
Lay Off.
Mom Grounded Me, Too,
Remember?
Yeah, But I Think
I Might Have A Way
Out Of It.
What's On Your Mind?
Well, See,
If We Could Get Mom
On A Date Tomorrow Night,
Well, She'll Go Out,
Then We'll Go Out,
And We'll Come Home,
Then Mom Comes Home.
I Get To Go To My Concert,
And, Well,
You Get To Go Out
With Peter--
Who, By The Way,
Is A Loser--
And, Uh,
Mom Never Has To Know.
Yeah, But Mom Hasn't
Been On A Date Since--
Well, Since
She And Dad Split Up.
Yeah, But
Look At All These Ads.
There's Got To Be
Someone In Here For Mom.
And How Are You Gonna
Get To Him Before Tomorrow?
Well, Excuse Me, Chels,
But Isn't This
The 21st Century?
Every Guy In Here
Has An E-Mail Address.
You Can't E-Mail
Some Guy You've Never Met.
Well, Why Not?
I Mean It's Not Like
He's Some Creep
In A Chat Room.
All These Guys Have Come
Pre-Checked By The Newspaper.
Why Don't I Feel Better
About This?
All Right, Look.
We'll Find Some Guy
And Set Up A Meeting
In Public,
Or You Can
Just Call Up Peter
And Tell Him That You
Have To Stay Home All Weekend
To Play Fish
With Your Little Brother.
Give Me That.
Ok. Here's One.
"Caring,
Thoughtful Male,
"40,
Great Sense Of Humor,
"Refined Tastes,
"Easygoing And...
Currently Incarcerated."
What's "Incarcerated"?
It Means He's In Jail.
Oh. Not Good.
Um, Wait A Second.
"Continental Gentleman,
"Handsome,
Debonair, Suave,
"Enjoys Long Strolls
Beneath A Full Moon.
"Loves Adventure,
"Travel, Wild Animals,
"And Women Who Long
For Romantic Nights
That Will Never End.
"Looking For
Delicate Flower
Just Waiting To Blossom."
"Hates Italian Food
And Turtlenecks"?
Whatever. He's Great.
Ok, So...
Wolfsbane@Netherlink.Ro.
All Right.
"Dear Wolfsbane,
"Read Your Ad.
"We Want You
To Meet Our Mom.
It's A Surprise, So Don't
Mention That We Wrote You."
Lynette: Adam, Chelsea!
"Uh, She'll Be
At The Foodmaster
On Sixth At 8:00."
Lynette:
Dinner's Ready!
The Market?
How Are We Gonna Get Mom
To Go To The Market?
Just Follow My Lead.
[Computer Beeps]
[Computer Beeps]
Computer: You Have
Received New Mail.
[Computer Beeps]
[Man Laughing]
Look, I Know You Two
Are Upset About Being Grounded,
But It's Not
The End Of The World.
It's Not That, Mom.
It's Just That
I Was Thinking,
You Know, How
Our Family Used To Be.
I'm Remembering
Saturday Mornings.
I'm Remembering
Pancakes.
I'm Remembering
Being Happy.
I Can Make Pancakes!
I Have Pancake Mix
And Eggs And Everything.
Do You Have
Chocolate Chips?
No.
I'm Remembering We Had
Chocolate Chip Pancakes.
We Were All
So Happy Then.
[Thunder]
Taylor: Hey, Adam?
Can Vampires
Come Out In The Rain?
Lynette: That's It.
I Don't Want
To Hear Another Word
About Vampires
From This Family.
You Guys
Want To, Uh--
Ok. Whatever.
Adam: All Right.
If Wolfsbane's Here,
We'll Find Him.
You Start In Deli,
And Remember,
"Suave, Debonair,
Hates Italian Food."
[Wind Howling]
Come To Papa.
You Know What I Hate?
I Just Can't Stand
Italian Food.
How About You?
Well, Arrivederci.
Woman On P.A.: Price Check
On Checkstand 4.
Price Check On Checkstand 4.
Really Nice.
So, Buddy.
You Look Like
The Type Of Guy
Who Enjoys Long
Strolls Beneath
The Moonlight.
Am I Right?
Yeah.
I'm Talking
About A Fabulous Night
With
An Incredible Woman.
Well, Happy Anniversary.
Guess That'd Be A No.
You Didn't
Find Him?!
Well, Did You?
Suave, Debonair
Man Of The World.
The Guy
Was Probably Making
The Whole Thing Up.
Maybe Not. Look.
That Is So The Guy.
Right. Come On.
All Set?
Actually, No.
We Need To Get
One More Thing.
What's That?
Well, We Don't Know,
But It's Around Here.
Yeah. Come On.
Whoa!
So Sorry.
Lynette: I'm So Sorry.
I Didn't See You.
No, No.
Entirely My Fault.
I Do Apologize.
No Permanent Damage
Done, I Trust.
No, There's Not.
Um, Mom, There's--
Lynette: I Don't Know.
Was This Dented Before?
Oh, Uh, Perhaps We Should
Exchange Driver's Licenses.
Uh, No. Mom,
There's Something
I Really--
Come On.
What About Wolfsbane?
Can't You See
What's Going On?
Mom's Making
A Love Connection.
Are You Crazy?
This Guy's A Nut.
He Thinks He's
In The Parking Lot.
[Laughing]
He's Flirting,
You Dweeb.
And Mom's
Going For It.
Adam, Chelsea,
This Is Dimitri,
Uh--Dentatos.
Right. Dentatos.
It's Romanian...
Or Maybe Hungarian.
So, Dimitri, My Mom's
Something, Ain't She?
Smart, Funny, Beautiful.
You Know,
She Used To Sing
In A Rock-And-Roll Band.
Oh, Is That So?
About A Million
Years Ago.
Chelsea: So, Um, Dimitri,
Come Here Often?
Dimitri: No,
Actually, I Don't.
I'm New
To The Neighborhood.
I'm Restoring
The Old Mather House
Down By The Lake.
Oh, Man.
That--That Place Is
Supposed To Be Haunted.
Oh, You'll
Have To Excuse Adam.
He's Kind Of Got A Thing
About Monsters.
Dimitri: Oh, Really?
So Did You See
Revenge Of Count Krelski
Last Night?
Actually...
No.
My Mom, She--She
Made Me Turn It Off.
Oh, Well, I'm Sure
She Had A Good Reason.
Thank You.
So, Lynette, Are You, Uh,
Headed For The Registers?
Didn't You Guys Want
To Get Something Else?
No. No.
No. No.
No, Uh, We're Fine,
Though, So, Uh,
Let-Let's Go.
Lynette:
Nice Try, Taylor.
[Pager Beeping]
So You're A Doctor?
That's Right.
Trauma Specialist
In The Emergency Room.
Yeah, You Know,
Between Working Nights
And Sleeping
During The Day,
I Barely Get A Chance
To Grocery Shop.
But You Know What?
I'm Glad I Did.
[Dialing Cell Phone]
I'm Busy. What Is It?
I'm Still Looking.
All My Readings
Indicate This Location.
You Know, Lynette,
I'm Due Some Time Off
From The Hospital, So...
What Do Doctors Do
On Their Time Off?
Well, I Can't Speak
For The Medical Profession
As A Whole,
Of Course, But I--
I'm Sorry.
What Am I Saying?
You're Married.
Oh, No, Actually,
I'm Divorced.
Oh, Really?
Well, In That Case,
Would You Do Me The Honor
Of Having Dinner With Me
Tomorrow Night?
Oh, I Don't Know.
I Mean,
You Seem Sort Of...
Oh, What Am I Saying?
Why Not?
I Mean, I Don't Mean
"Why Not" As In
"I Don't Care,"
I Mean "Why Not"
As In
"Why Shouldn't I?"
So Can I Take That
As A Yes?
Yes.
Good.
No, I Am So Close
I Can Taste It.
There's A Vampire
In That Market,
And I'm Gonna Find Him.
Lynette: That's It.
I Don't Want To Hear
Another Word About Vampires
From This Family.
Chelsea: Peter-Head,
We're Totally On
For Tomorrow Night.
We Got My Mom A Date,
That's How.
So What Time Are You
Gonna Pick Me Up?
Forget What I Said
Before, Duffy.
I Can Go To The Concert.
What?! How Could You Give
My Backstage Pass To Boomer?!
I Know What I Said Before,
But, I Mean--
But--
We Gotta Meet.
No, You, Me, And Boomer.
Bye.
That's All I've Got.
Well,
It's Not Enough.
This Is Kid Stuff.
How Could You Give
My Backstage Pass
To Boomer?!
I Thought You Said
You Weren't Going.
But Here's
What I Don't Get.
Why Boomer?
I Mean,
He's A Tenth-Grader
Who Hasn't
Done Anything For Us
Except
Take Our Lunch Money.
I Figured
This Would Be A Step
Toward Better
Playground Relations.
Yeah. Me And Duffy
Are Friends Now.
Come On, Duff,
Let's Go To The Arcade.
Adam: Wha--Wait! I--
I--I Happen To Know
You Have A Crush
On A Certain
High School Girl,
Who, Until Now,
You Thought Of
As--As Unattainable.
You Got A Crush
On Somebody?
Uh, What's Unattainable?
Well, It Means
You Didn't Stand A Chance,
But Consider This:
You--You Happen To Know
Her Brother.
You Can Get Me A Date
With Chelsea?
You Like
Chelsea Hansen?
Come On.
She Is My Sister.
Yeah, But It's Got
To Be Like A Real Date.
Like, Uh, First We'll Go
To A Kung-Fu Movie,
And Then We'll Come
Back Here For Burgers.
Done.
And, Uh, I Got To Get
To Kiss Her Good Night.
Oh, I, Uh,
I Can't Guarantee That.
Oh, Well,
Then I Can't
Guarantee This.
Ok, A Kiss.
On The Lips.
Ok. A Kiss On The Lips.
If A Guy
Turns Into A Bat,
He's A Vampire,
Isn't He?
Yeah, That'd Do It.
Is That Bad?
Well, Only If
He's After You.
Then You're Toast.
He Turns You Into Toast?
No, He Turns You
Into A Mindless Minion
Of The Undead.
All Right, Look.
This Vampire
Finds Some Pretty Girl,
Then Turns On His Charm,
And Then When The Girl
Falls For Him,
He Takes Her Home,
Puts Her In A Trance,
Then Chomp!
But Sometimes The Wimpy
Hero-Guy Shows Up
And They Start To Fight.
And Then If
There's Gonna Be A Sequel,
The Vampire Gets Away.
Wait!
What About The Girl
In The Trance?
It's All About True Love.
You Know,
It's Like This Girl
Just Has So Much Love
For This Foofy-Shirt
Hero Guy,
That, Well,
She Gets Out Of The Trance.
Like That
Could Beat A Vampire.
I'm Going Backstage.
I Don't Believe It!
What Did You Have To Do
For Boomer?
Oh, Yeah, Well,
I'll Tell You Later.
How Do You
Stop A Vampire?
Oh, Well, Uh, Don't
Invite Him Into Your House
Or You Could Stab Him
With A Stake
Or You Could
Steal Their Coffin
And Keep It
Till Sunrise.
That's What Happened In
The House Of Frankenstein.
Well, Kinda.
I'm Not Talking
About A Movie.
I'm Talking
A Real-Life Vampire.
Real-Live Vampire,
And, Uh, You're
Gonna Have To Find A...
Vampire Hunter.
Like This Guy,
Malachi Van Helsing,
But Good Luck Finding Him.
The Newspaper Calls Him
A Mysterious, Shadowy Figure.
We Got To Call Him.
Uh, Mysterious
Shadowy Figures
Don't Have Phone Numbers.
We Got To Do Something.
Mom's Got A Date
With A Vampire!
Dimitri?
Ah, Mom Was Right.
You Shouldn't Be
Watching Monster Movies.
But He Turned
Into A Bat!
I Saw It!
I Did. I Di--
Uh-Huh.
Hi.
Hello, Chelsea.
How Are You?
Hi, Dimitri.
How You Doing?
You Just Gonna
Stand Out There?
Please, Come In,
Won't You?
Thank You.
Mom!
Uh, Mr. Dentatos
Is Here!
Would You Excuse Me
For A Moment?
Whoa, Mom.
You Look Great.
Oh, Hi.
Dimitri's Here.
Ok, Well,
I Guess I Better
Get This Over With.
What's Wrong?
The Guy's
A Total Babe.
No, He Seems
Really Great.
It's Just That...
I Can't Do This.
Excuse Me.
What's Going On?
Mom's Freaking Out.
Mom's Freaking Out.
Everything's Fine.
You Look Great,
And Dimitri's Nice.
It's Dinner Time.
You're Hungry,
And I'm Sure He Is, Too,
So Let's Get Going.
It's Not That Simple.
See, There's A Time
When You Do Stuff Like This,
And Then
There's A Time When...
I Don't Know,
It's Just Too Late.
What Do You Mean
Too Late?
Well, You Make Choices.
You Get Married.
You Work A Job.
You Raise Kids.
You Get Divorced.
And You Become
The Kind Of Person Who--
I Mean,
Who Doesn't Date.
Who Says?
Well, It's Who I Am.
That's Not Who You Are.
That's What You've Done.
Who You Are
Is What's Inside Of You.
As Long As
You're True To That,
Nothing Else Matters.
Oh, Yeah?
Who Told You That?
You Did.
You Say It All The Time.
I Mean, Come On.
This Is Only
The First Date.
I'm Sure It Won't
Be Too Intense.
Let's Hope Not.
Oh, Lynette,
You Look Stunning.
Thank You.
Well, I Think
It's Safe To Say
That I Have A Very Nice
Evening Planned.
I Thought
We'd Start With Dinner
At Renfield's
On Main Street.
Then, Uh,
Maybe Some Dancing,
Followed By
A Romantic Carriage Ride
Through The Park.
Or We Could Just Go
To The Harvest Festival
For A Couple Of Hours.
Have You Been?
No! I Mean,
The Harvest Festival?
Come On, Nobody There
But A Bunch
Of Head-Bangers
Going To
A Rock-And-Roll Concert.
Lynette:
Oh, Adam! It's Great.
We Could Try To Knock Over
Some Milk Bottles
And Maybe Win Ourselves
A Great Big Stuffed
Alligator.
Well, I Think--
I Think We'd Be Better Off
Sitting In
A Horse-Drawn Carriage
Just Rolling Softly
Through The Moonlight.
Or Bumper Cars.
I Mean, Same Thing,
Basically.
Whatever.
Why Don't We Start
With Dinner,
And See Where
The Evening Takes Us, Hmm?
Adam:
So Time's A-Wastin'.
You Two
Have Fun Now, Ok?
Ok. You Two
Be Good.
Where's Taylor?
Oh, He Said
To Say Good-Bye.
He's Real Busy
Upstairs.
Taylor, Honey,
We're Going.
We Won't Be Late.
Go Ahead And Be
As Late As You Want.
Later! Stay Out Later
Than You Want!
Show Time.
Hi. Yeah. I Need
A Number For...
Malachi Van Helsing.
Yes, I Can Spell That.
Excuse Me
One Second.
One Thing You Learn
In This Business
Is People.
When You Walked
On To The Lot,
I Said To Myself,
"This Guy Is Here
For One Thing
And One Thing Only."
[Laughing]
May I Borrow
Your Clipboard, Please?
Uh, Sure.
Thank You.
Hey, Hey,
Hey, Hey!
A Gentleman Was
Here Tonight,
About 6 Foot,
Dark-Haired,
And He Bought
A Car With Cash.
Yeah, Yeah, H-He
Got One Just Like This,
Uh, But It Was Red.
Of Course
It Was Red.
Man On Phone: This Is
Malachi Van Helsing--
My Mom's Going Out
With A Vampire!
We Were At The Market
And I Saw Him
Turn Into A Bat!
I'll Return Your Call
As Soon As I Can.
Leave Your Name,
Address,
And Phone Number
After The Beep. [Beep]
Hi. This Is
Taylor Hansen.
I Live At
He Was Looking For
Some Place Nice To Eat.
Uh, I Guess He Had A Date
Or Something, Huh?
Did You Suggest
A Restaurant?
Well, I Told Him
All The Best Joints
Are On Main Street.
Uh, Glowing Footprints--
That Guy Was A Freak,
Wasn't He?
I Knew That Guy
Was A Freak, I Knew It!
Yo, Hey, Hey,
Hey, Hey,
Hey, What About You?
Huh? Test Drive?
No, Thank You.
[Cell Phone Beeping]
[Garage Door Opening]
Adam & Chelsea: Taylor,
What Are You Doing?!
I'm Going
To Save Mom!
Save Mom?
He Thinks
Dimitri's A Vampire.
A What?!
Don't Worry.
I'll Get Him.
If He Finds Mom,
She's Gonna Come
Straight Home.
You Realize That,
Don't You?
Taylor! Ugh!
Ugh!
Listen, I Gotta Go.
No, It's Fine.
I'll Call You Back.
What Are You Doing?
Like I'm Going
To Trust You.
Ok, We've Got
Like A Half An Hour
To Deal With This
And Then Get
Back Here.
No Kidding.
[Piano Playing]
So Have You
Decided Yet?
I Have A Confession
To Make.
What's That?
I Think You've Got
The Wrong Woman.
How Do You Mean?
Well, I Don't Know.
Just--You Seem Like
The Type Of Person
Who's Probably Been
Everywhere In The World.
Well, I Haven't Been
To The South Pole.
[Both Chuckle]
Look, Why Don't You
Try The Steak, Hmm?
It's Good
For The Blood.
The Point Is,
You Seem Like You Lead
This Romantic,
Exciting Life And, Well--
It's Not Who I Am.
Lynette,
If There's
One Thing I Know,
It's People.
Well, You Don't Know Me.
We Just Met.
No, That's True.
Well, Maybe I Don't
Know Who You Are,
But I Do Know
Who You Could Be.
And Maybe,
Just Maybe,
That's What Tonight
Is All About.
Maybe!
You Know, If This
Had Happened Next Summer,
I Could Have Driven.
Yeah, Well,
It Didn't.
Come On, We're
Almost There,
All Right?
May I Interest You
In A Bottle Of Wine?
I Don't
Drink...Wine.
I Think
We'll Just Stick
With Water For Now.
Perhaps
Some Garlic Bread--
No! Thank You.
There He Is!
Come On.
Chelsea:
What Is With You?
I'm Not Going
To Let Dimitri
Turn Mom Into An Onion.
A Minion! I Told Him
That Vampires
Turn People
Into[I] Minions
Of The Undead.
Why Am I Not
Surprised That
This Is Your Fault?
[Sighs] Come On,
Squirt. We Gotta
Take You Home.
Tiffany's Probably
Waiting At The House
Right Now.
You Called
A Baby-Sitter?
Come On,
You Like Tiffany!
You Said So.
Yeah, Besides, Chelsea
And I Got Places To Go.
You're Gonna Let
A Vampire Get Mom
Just Because
You Wanna Go Out?
All Right,
All Right, Look.
I'm The Monster
Master, Right?
Yeah.
Vampires, Werewolves,
Evil Robots From Space,
I Can Spot Them
A Mile Off.
And Dimitri
Is Not A Vampire.
You Guys Set This Up
So You Could Go Out.
This Was[I] Your Fault!
Ok, So We Did!
So What, I Mean--
It's Not
Gonna k*ll Mom
To Go On A Date.
Yes, It Is Because
Dimitri's A Vampire!
All Right, Look.
I'm Gonna Go In There
And Find Out
If This Guy's
Really A Vampire.
If He Is,
He's Dead Meat,
And If He's Not,
You Have To Go Home,
Put Your Jammies On,
And Hang Out
With, Uh, Tiffany.
[I] And Not Tell Mom
That We Went Out.
Do We Have A Deal?
Ok, Deal.
You Better Know
What You're
Doing.
Don't Worry.
I Got It Wired.
Come On.
[Dimitri
Speaking Softly]
Hey, Mom, Dimitri.
How You Guys Going?
Lynette: What Are
You Guys Doing Here?
Is Everything Ok?
Oh, Everything's
Fine.
I Just Wanted
To Apologize
For Watching
That Movie
Last Night.
I Think
It Got To Taylor.
He's A Vampire.
A Vampire? Who Is?
It's My Fault
For Letting Him
Watch The Movie.
He's Got It In
His Head That, Well,
Dimitri Here
Is A Vampire,
Which We All
Know He's Not,
But Instead
Of Telling Taylor Here
That He-He's Crazy
And Give Him A Lifetime
Of Self-Image Problems--
We Have To Prove
I'm Not A Vampire.
You Know, Maybe
I Should Go Home.
No! No, No, I Mean,
It's Just That
You Can't Because--
I Think What
Adam's Trying To Say
Is If You Go Home Now
Then Taylor's Gonna
Spend The Rest Of His Life
Thinking
I Was A Vampire.
Right, Right! We Need
Some Sort Of Test.
[Gravely]
The Spoon Test.
The Spoon Test?
Right! The Spoon
Test, Right!
A Vampire Can't--Uh--
That's Right.
Hang A Spoon On His Nose.
Right, Right. The Old
Transylvanian Test.
Really?
So You Mean
You're Gonna
Make Me Take
The Spoon Test?
You've Got No Choice.
But--But If I'm
Really A Vampire, Then--
That's Right.
You'll Explode
Into A Million Pieces.
The Entire Restaurant
Will Be Sprayed
With Your
Bloody Chunks
Of Vampire...
Festering...Flesh.
Wow.
I Think
It's A Chance
We've Gotta Take.
Maybe I Should Get
Some Extra Napkins,
Just In Case.
Hand Me The Spoon.
Sure. Right.
This Would Be It.
[Adam Sighs]
Am I All Right?
Am I Still Here?
You're Still Here.
Oh, Thank Goodness!
There, You See?
I Guess I'm Not
A Vampire. [Chuckling]
Ok. Sorry.
Are You Sure
You're Ok,
Honey?
Yep.
Everything's Fine.
Fire's Out. See,
If You'd Come Home Now,
He'd Feel Terrible,
Wouldn't You?
Of Course You Would.
So, Um, You Know What,
We're Gonna Leave.
So, Bye, Mom.
Bye, Dimitri.
You Guys Have Fun.
Good Night
And See You Later--
[Snickering]
Bye-Bye!
Adam Did The Spoon
Test. Dimitri's
Not A Vampire.
Yeah, We Gotta
Go, Taylor.
You Were Really Good
With The Kids.
Well,
I Love Children.
I Think
They're Sweet.
Well, I Wouldn't
Call My Kids Sweet,
But They Are
Good Kids.
Well, You've
Obviously Done
A Very Good Job
With Them.
I Don't Know.
Sometimes
I'm Not So Sure.
Well, I Am, Lynette.
You Know, I See
A Power In You,
Lynette.
No, No,
Maybe Not A Power.
More Like A--A Fire.
Just Smoldering
Just Beneath
The Surface.
I Think It Might
Be Time To Let
That Fire Burn.
Hi, Tiffany.
Hey, Taylor-Made.
How's It Going, Kiddo?
Great.
Wait Just A Second.
Bye, Taylor, See You!
Can I Put My Bike
Away, Please?
No.
What Is
With You Anyway?
We Have To Get Back
To The Restaurant.
Peter Will Be Here
In, Like,
Forget About Peter!
Dimitri's A Vampire.
I Saw Him.
I Mean,
I Didn't See Him.
In The Mirror
At The Restaurant.
Yeah, Right.
No, I'm Serious!
The Guy Didn't Reflect
In The Mirror.
Just Mom And Nothing.
Come On. We Gotta
Get Her Out Of There.
If He Was A Vampire,
Wouldn't He
Be A Little Bit
More...Evil?
He's Trying To Make Her
Fall In Love With Him.
If She Goes To Him
Willingly,
Then She's,
Well, His Forever.
You're Going
To Miss Your Concert
And Screw Up
My Date.
If We Don't Do Something,
Mom's Had It!
Please, You've
Gotta Believe Me.
Well, I Don't!
But What If I'm Right?
Come On, Chels.
I Need You.
I Hate You
Right Now.
You Know That,
Don't You?
I'm Ok With That.
[Wolf Howling]
That Place Was Great.
Thank You.
No, Thank You.
So Shall We?
There's More?
Well, Of Course.
It Just Gets Better.
Ok. Where To?
Well, I Thought
Maybe We'd Find
Some Place Quiet,
Enjoy The
Beautiful Night.
Why Don't We
Just Walk A Little?
How Does That Sound?
No, I'm Not
Making This Up!
Yes, I Know
It's Crazy.
Ok, Come On.
They're Going!
No Way.
No Way.
Ha Ha! No Way!
No Way!
I Win!
Hold On. No Way.
Yes Way! I Got
An 8, See?
You Wanna
Play Again?
No. Now, You Really,
Really Have To Go To Bed.
Ok. Good Night.
Totally.
Totally!
Ha Ha! Totally!
No Way!
Are You
Malachi Van Helsing?
On A Good Day.
Do I Know You?
I Saw You
In The Market.
You Wanna Come In?
Uh, I Should
Probably Just
Stay Out Here.
It's Ok.
I Read All About You.
I Called You.
It's Not Like
I Don't Know You.
Totally.
Hey, Tiffany!
This Is
Malachi Van Helsing.
He's
A Vampire Hunter.
Vampire Hunter?
It's Ok. I Asked Him
To Come Over.
Taylor, You
Gotta Go To Bed Now.
He Has To Go To Bed.
Ok.
Ok.
Want A Cookie?
Uh, No Thanks.
My Mom Made Them.
They're Really Good.
Tiffany: Totally!
I'm Gonna
Save It For Later,
All Right?
Now, This Guy
You Called Me About,
Did He Meet
Your Mother
Last Night
In A Supermarket?
Yeah, But Dimitri's
Not A Vampire.
Adam Did
The Spoon Test.
Oh, No.
That's Why
They Went Back.
That's Why
Who Went Back?
My Brother And Sister.
They Went
After The Vampire.
Why Would
They Wanna Do
A Thing Like That?
He's Got Our Mom.
Do You Have Any Idea
Where They Went,
Taylor?
Yeah! It's A Place Called
Rhinefeld's Or Something.
And They're
Going Dancing.
Ok, Thanks.
Wait! I Wanna
Go With You.
[Chuckles]
I'm Sorry, Kid,
But I Work Alone.
It's My Mom.
It's Too Dangerous.
I Can Help.
No, You Can't.
That's
The Way It Is.
Vampire Hunter?
[Rockabilly Music
Playing]
Lynette:
I Don't Believe It.
I Can't Believe
This Place
Is Still Here!
We Have To Go In!
Now, Wait A Minute.
You Wanna Go In[I] There?
Well, You Said
You Wanted
To Go Dancing.
Don't You Like
Rockabilly Music?
Uh, Well, Uh, Yeah.
Of Course I--I Love
Rockabilly Music.
All Right,
You Wanna Dance?
Come On, Let's, Uh,
Let's Dance.
You Like Kids
And Rockabilly Music.
I'm Dreaming.
Come On.
Let's Dance!
♪ Rock Ten Times Hotter
Than An Entire Jalapeño ♪
♪ My Pal And Me, We're
Driving Back To The States ♪
♪ She's Complete, She's
My Picture-Perfect Craze ♪
♪ Goonie Bird, Goonie Bird,
Goonie Bird Rock ♪
♪ Goonie Bird, Goonie Bird,
Goonie Bird Rock ♪
♪ Goonie Bird, Goonie Bird,
Goonie Bird, Goonie Bird ♪
♪ Goonie Bird,
Goonie Bird Rock ♪
Now What?
Well, If I Can
Get Mom Away
From Dimitri--
♪ Goonie Bird,
Goonie Bird Rock ♪
Maybe I Can Get Her
Out Of There.
And Just How Do You
Propose To Get Inside?
Watch The Bikes.
[Dancers Cheering]
♪ Something Has Been
Ailing You ♪
♪ I Think I Got The Cure ♪
♪ So Come Take A Little
Stroll With Me ♪
♪ And We'll Find Out
For Sure ♪
♪ It's Just
What You're Needing ♪
♪ To Make You
Feel All Right ♪
♪ Make You
A Brand-New Woman ♪
♪ By The End Of The Night ♪
How You Doing, Bob?
The Name's Jim.
Yeah, That's Right.
Jim. Jim. That's
What They Said.
Who Said That?
Oh, Just Some Girls
In The Back.
They're Like, "Oh,
Jim Can't Dance!
Blah Blah Blah.
He's A Loser!
Blah Blah."
You Know, Just
Stuff Like That.
I Dance All The Time.
Well, It Just
Looks Like You're
Standing Around.
But, See,
Right Over There,
There's A Girl
Who Really Isn't
Dancing With Anyone.
And, Well--
Oh, Like They
Know Anything,
Right?
Ahem! Excuse Me, Kid.
Yeah, See You.
♪ I've Got A Bad Vaccine ♪
♪ It's A Large
Prescription ♪
♪ And I'll Need
Some Air Of Priority ♪
♪ I've Just Got
To Take It ♪
♪ Gets Inside Of You ♪
Hi. I'm Jim. Would
You Like To Dance?
♪ I Don't Feel
Any Different... ♪
Um--Oh! This Guy
Just Asked Me To Dance.
Would You Mind?
Well, Of Course
I Don't Mind.
But You
Were Leaving,
Weren't You?
What?
Oh! Whoa!
Oh. Seems He's
Changed His Mind.
♪ It's A Simple Operation ♪
♪ I'd Just Love
To Show You How To Groove ♪
♪ Turn Those Lights
Way Down Low ♪
♪ And That's
What I Wanna Do To You ♪
♪ Ow! ♪
♪ Aw, Give Me! ♪
♪ It's Not Gonna
Hurt You ♪
♪ Or Make You Run
For The Door ♪
It's Quicker
If You Go Left.
[Tires Squealing]
What Are You
Doing Here?
I Climbed Out
My Window.
Go Left Up Here. There's
Construction On Third.
Listen, Taylor,
You Gotta Get Out.
You Can't Just Leave Me
On The Street. I'm 8.
But You Can't
Come With Me.
I'm Going After
A Real Live--
A Dead Vampire.
Do You Get That?
It's My Mom.
Do You Get That?
Look, I'm Sorry,
Kid, I Really Am.
But I Can't
Bring You With Me.
I Gotta
Drop You Off, Ok?
You Can't. You're
Responsible For Me Now.
All Right, Look.
If I Say Duck,
You Duck.
If I Say Hide,
You Hide.
And If I Say
It's Too Dangerous--
It's Too Dangerous.
I Got You.
Put On
Your Seat Belt.
What's This?
Oops.
Hi. It's Me.
You'll Never Guess
Where I Am.
♪ And That's What
I Wanna Do To You ♪
Singer: Hey,
Check This Out!
Way Back Before
Most Of You Were Digging
This Whole
Rockabilly Scene,
There Was A Bunch
Of Gals Called
Cowgirl Blues
Who Used To Tear
This Joint Up.
I Don't Believe It!
One Of The Girls
Is Here Tonight.
If You're All Real Good
And Clap Real Loud,
I'll Bet We Can
Get Her Up Here.
Come On Up, Lynette,
And Belt One Out
For Old Times' Sake.
Whoo!
Do You Guys
Remember[I] Maybe?
Man: We Love You!
♪ If You're Asking
If I'm In Love, Maybe ♪
♪ If There's Someone
I'm Thinking Of, Maybe ♪
♪ Was He The One
I Wish Was Mine? Maybe ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ If There's A Chance
He'd Give Me The Time, Maybe ♪
♪ There's A Spotlight
In Your Eyes ♪
♪ And It's Got Me
Hypnotized ♪
♪ I Sit And Wait
For Your Call ♪
Hey! You Can't
Be In Here.
Oh. That's
My Mom Up There.
Really?
Lynette Hansen
Is Your Mom?
Well, You're
A Lucky Kid.
But You Still
Gotta Wait Outside.
I'm Going,
It's Just That--
There's This Guy,
Been Following
My Mom,
Stalking Her
Actually.
He's Not
In Here Now, Is He?
Yeah, He Is.
He's Right
Over There.
He's--He's Kind Of
Been Worrying Us.
You Want Him
Out Of Here?
Y-You'd Do That?
For Lynette Hansen?
You Bet.
♪ There's A Spotlight
In Your Eyes ♪
♪ And It's Got Me
Hypnotized ♪
♪ I Sit And Wait
For Your Call ♪
♪ But I Have
No Doubt At All ♪
♪ Maybe ♪
Hey, Slick.
♪ Maybe, Yeah! ♪
Party's Over.
Get Him Out Of Here!
My Brother's Like
Obsessed With This
Vampire Thing And--
And Stay Out.
[Panting]
We Missed Him,
Didn't We?
Hey, Kid,
We're Just Getting
Started, All Right?
This
Isn't Over Yet,
Not By A Long Shot.
He Said They Were
Going Dancing.
Dancing?
Where Would You Go
Around Here If You
Wanted To Dance?
How Would I Know?
I'm 8.
Right.
[Music Stops]
Yeah!
What Happened?
How Did Dmitri
Get Back Inside?
He, Uh, He
Walked Up The Wall.
Is That
A Vampire Thing?
Y-Yeah, Tha--That's
A Vampire Thing.
'Cause Dmitri's A Vampire.
'Fraid So.
Who's Gonna Bite Mom.
If He Gets Her
Alone.
All Right.
I'm On Board.
What Do We Do?
What--What Happened
To The Bikes?
Oh. He Did That.
With His Bare Hands.
Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Mom! Mom!
We're Sunk.
We're
Totally Sunk.
Oh, Man,
That Was So Much Fun!
I Thought Nobody
Remembered Cowgirl Blues.
Can You Believe
I Haven't Sung
In 15 Years?
What Have I Been Doing?
You Sounded Great.
So Are You
Enjoying Yourself?
Are You Kidding?
I Just Wish I Could
Go On Like This Forever.
Well, That
Can Be Arranged.
I Totally Know
Where We Should Go Next.
Somewhere Quiet,
Perhaps?
Yeah, Right.
Ok, Turn Left Up Here.
Stuff Like This
Always Happens
To The Good Guys
In Count Krelski Movies.
Ok, So What Happens
Next, Genius?
All Right, All Right,
All Right, Um...
In The Movie,
Count Krelski
Gets The Girl Alone,
And Says, "Come
To My Castle, My Darling,
And I Will Show You
Wonders Beyond Imagination--"
And She Falls For That.
That's So Not Mom.
Good Point.
Besides, He Wants Her
To Like Him, Right?
And When Guys
Want You To Like Them,
They Go Wherever
You Want Them To Go.
He's Not A "Guy."
He's A Vampire.
I Don't Care
If He's Frankenstein.
Guys Are All The Same.
Ok, So, Where Did Mom
Want To Go?
The Harvest
Festival!
Except That's Like
Not A Problem.
Give Me Your Phone.
If He's A Vampire,
What's He Drive,
A Hearse?
I Don't Know.
Some Intense
Red Sports Car.
But, Dude,
We Have To Find
My Mom.
As Soon As
The Concert's Over.
Forget Your Concert!
♪ Do You Even Know? ♪
Right.
All Right, Dudes.
Dock The Battlestar.
Come On, Duffy,
You Got To Help Us.
We Gotta Go, Man.
Sorry.
Come On, Boomer.
Somebody's
Got To Be Selling
An Extra Ticket.
No. I'm, Uh, Going
To The Harvest Festival
With Chelsea.
So--So You're
Gonna Help Us?
No.
Come On, Chelsea.
You Hungry?
Let's Go
Get A Corn Dog.
No, I Don't
Think So.
Vixen, Heh.
Playing Hard To Get.
Can It, Boomer.
No, You Can It,
Adam.
We Had A Deal, Man.
You Had
The Concert Pass
And I Got A Date
With Your Sister.
Yeah, Well,
Deal's Off.
I Thought
You Were My Friend.
I Am.
Right.
Chelsea, Wait!
Come On, Chelsea,
Wait Up.
I Can't Believe You!
I Mean,
Of All The Selfish--
You Promised That
Creep A Date With Me
For A Concert
Ticket?
I Wouldn't Talk.
We Just Did The Same
Thing To Mom.
And That Was
Your Idea, Too.
Look, Chels, That Was
A Lousy Thing To Do.
And When I Did It,
Things Were Different.
I Was Different.
That Was
This Afternoon!
Look, I--I Learned
That If You Don't Respect
The Things That Matter,
It Can All Fall Apart.
I Know That Now,
And I'm Sorry.
All Right, Come On.
But You're
Still A Dweeb.
Hey, I'll Bet
That's The Vampire's Car.
[Whistles]
There's Like
A Million People Here.
That--That's Good.
As Long As They're
In A Crowd, Mom's Safe.
How Are We
Gonna Find Them?
I Suggest
We Split Up.
And Then We're Left
Alone With Dmitri.
All Right,
You Find Them,
You Call Me.
I Find Them, I Call You.
Turn That Little Knob
To Channel 3,
And That'll Give Us
Some Privacy.
Now, Let's
Find Mom, Ok?
How Do We Even Know
Where To Start?
It's Mom.
Think...Mature.
Aaaaaaaah!
Hey, Chelsea.
How's It Going?
I Got On
The Ferris Wheel.
I Can See Everything
From Here.
Wait, Adam. I See Them.
They're Getting Off
The Scrambler.
I See Them.
Wasn't That Fun?
Oh, It's All Been Fun.
Tons Of Fun.
But Now, It's Time
To Leave All This Behind.
What Are You
Talking About?
I'm Talking About
Forever, Lynette.
Whoa. Slow Down
There, Cowboy.
Look, Tonight
Has Been Terrific.
I Mean, I Really Feel
Like I Met Someone.
An Old Friend
That I Never Thought
I'd See Again.
Well, It's Natural
You Feel That Way.
That's--
That's The Depth
Of Our Connection.
No, I Don't Mean You.
I Mean Me.
[Huffs]
But You--You Must
Feel Some Deep,
Powerful Attraction
To Me?
I'm Sorry, Dmitri.
It's Just Some People
Just Don't Click.
I Mean, I Had
A Terrific Time.
I Just Feel Like
Who I Want To Be
And Who You Are,
They're Very Different.
How About
The Bumper Cars?
No!
I Don't Think So.
I Hate This Place.
I Hate Hillbilly Music.
I'm Tired,
And I'm Hungry.
It's Time
To Go Home.
Adam, What's Happening?
I Think Something's Wrong.
Chelsea: Then Do Something.
What Are You--
Look Into My Eyes.
You Are Powerless
To Resist Me.
You're Mine,
Lynette.
Oh, Boy.
[Hisses]
Hello, Adam.
Looking For Me?
Ow.
Buddy, Come On.
Hurry Up.
Now, What Are You
Doing Here?
I Want You To Leave
My Mother Alone.
But, Adam,
I Don't Understand.
You Sent For Me.
That's Not True.
Aren't You The One
That Sent The E-Mail?
You're Wolfsbane?
Yes. I Know.
All The Good Vampire Names
Have Been Taken By Teenagers.
Now You Listen
To Me Carefully,
Because I'm Only
Going To Say This Once.
You Leave Me Alone.
Let Me Do
What I Came Here To Do.
You're Never
Gonna Make My Mother
Fall In Love With You.
You May Be Right,
But What Your Mother
Wants Is Of
No Importance Now.
Your Mother Is Mine,
And There's Nothing
Any Snot-Nosed
Can Do About It.
I'm 13.
And I'm A Vampire.
And If You Want
To Stay Alive,
You'll Do Well
To Remember That.
Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh.
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
Come On, Lynette.
We're Leaving.
Yes, We're Leaving.
What Happened?
Where's Mom?
They're Gone.
Come On.
We've Got To Follow Them.
And Do What?
We Can't Just Give Up.
Look, Chels,
He Caught Me.
He Said If We
Go After Him,
We're Dead.
And If We Don't,
What Happens To Mom?
We Tried Everything.
We Tried Nothing.
We Annoyed Him.
That Didn't Work.
Chelsea,
He's A Vampire.
And This Is
Our Family, Adam.
I Mean, It's Like You Said
In The Parking Lot.
Sometimes You
Gotta Try A Little
If You Want To
Keep Things Together.
Now, Come On.
You're The Monster Master.
Well, He Probably Would
Take Her To His Lair.
Are You Sure?
Well, That's
What Would Happen
In The[I] Revenge
Of Count Krelski.
He Told Us Where
He Lives, Remember?
The Old Mather House
Out By The Lake.
Come On.
I'll Call Us A Cab.
Ok.
Here You Go. Thanks.
[Engine Won't Start]
Great.
All Right, Here's
What I'm Thinkin'.
We Know
They're Not Eatin'.
They Might Be Dancin'.
They Might Not.
We Don't Know
Where They Are,
But We Do Know
Where They're Goin'.
Where's That?
Back To His House.
And...
You Know
Where That Is, Right?
I Was Hopin' You Could
Help Me With That.
He Likes
Really Big Houses,
The Old Kind
Of Mansiony Places.
Does That Ring A Bell?
Um, Out By The Lake.
All The Big Old Houses
Are Out There.
How Do You
Get There?
Go Straight.
This Is Good.
Your Mom Make It?
I Don't Live
With My Mom.
Where Do You Live?
Hotel.
Actually,
Lots Of Hotels.
Your Mom Make You
Sandwiches, Taylor?
My Mom Does Everything.
Are You Sure This Is
Where You Want To Get Out?
Yep.
This Is The Place.
Suit Yourself.
You Know That Thing
About Sending An E-Mail
To Somebody
You Don't Know?
Yeah.
Yeah, Well...
You Were Right.
Listen, Adam,
I Just Want You To Know
That No Matter
What Happens,
We're Still A Family,
You Know?
Even If It's Just
You, Me, And Taylor.
We're
Still A Family.
What Are You
Talking About?
We've Got
To Save Mom.
You Know Something,
I Don't Care What
Anyone Else Says.
You're All Right.
Well, Thanks, Chelsea.
You, Too.
All Right.
I Don't Think
They're Here Yet.
I Wouldn't Be Too Sure
About That, Chels.
[Boom]
What?
Ok. We've Got To Find
Dimitri's Coffin.
Why?
Well, It's His Thing.
It's Where He Sleeps.
See, If We've
Got His Coffin,
He Won't Touch Mom.
All Right.
I Say We Split Up.
I'll Go Upstairs.
You Check The Basement.
Uh, No.
You Check The Basement.
I'll Go Upstairs.
Why Don't We
Both Go Upstairs?
[Revs Engine]
Whoa.
It's A Lot Bigger
Than I Thought.
What Are We Gonna Do?
Wait. Do You
Remember When You
Took The Tv Remote
And Kept It
In Your Room?
Yeah.
How Did I Get You
To Give It Back To Me?
You Stole
My Cell Phone.
Right, And Cell Phone
Is To Teenager
What Coffin
Is To Vampire.
And Mom's The Remote.
Yes, Grasshopper.
Now Help Me
Get This Downstairs.
Unh!
Ok. This Is Where
The Whole Cell Phone,
Coffin Analogy Breaks Down.
Wait A Second.
The Lake. Perfect.
Come On, Chels.
Help Me Get This
Out The Window.
[Crash]
All Right.
We Gotta Go.
That's Gonna
Find Dimitri?
It'll Point Us
In The Right Direction.
[Car Tires Squealing]
Adam,
They're Coming.
All Right.
Let's Get
This Thing Out Of Here.
[Wolves Howling]
Listen To Them.
The Children
Of The Night.
What Music
They Make.
Welcome To Your New
Home, My Darling.
[Sniffing]
Humans?
[Sniffs]
Adam.
Uh...Would You
Mind Waiting
Here
For A Moment,
Please?
Nooooo!
That Was Quick.
Ok, Go Hide.
What Are You Gonna Do?
Just Hide! Go!
Go, Go, Go, Go, Go.
Hey, Dimitri!
You Lookin'
For Somethin'?
[Snarls]
Give Me Back My Coffin!
Why Don't You Come
Out Here And Get It?
Oh, Yeah.
What Am I Saying?
Vampires Can't
Cross Water, Can They?
Well, Unless Of Course
They're In Their Coffin,
But I've Got
Your Coffin Here.
Heh. Too Bad.
Do You Really
Think You Can
Play Games With Me?
Oh, No Game,
And Sunrise Is At 6:00.
All Right.
What Do You Want?
Straight-Up Trade--
My Mom For Your Coffin.
One To One.
[Sniffs]
No.
I've Got
A Better Idea.
I Get My Coffin,
And You Get
Your Sister.
Don't Do It.
Now, Chelsea
Is A Little Young
To Be My Queen,
But, Oh,
She'd Make A Lovely
Vampire Princess.
Don't You Think?
All I Have To Do Is Stay
Out Here Till Morning.
[Cell Phone Rings]
[Ring]
Hello? Peter,
I'm Kind Of Busy Right Now.
Give Me That.
[Hangs Up]
[Phone Hits Ground]
All Right, Fine.
You Stay Out There
As Long As You Like,
But When You
Do Eventually
Paddle Back In,
You'll Not Only
Be An Orphan,
You'll Be
An Only Child.
All Right. Hold On.
If I Come Back In,
Will You Let Her Go?
Forget About Me,
Adam.
If You Come In,
I'll Let Her Go.
All Right. Hold On.
[Wolf Howls]
I Need You To Stay
Just Like That.
I'll Be Back.
Wait. I Want
To Go With You.
Not This Time.
But I Told You.
I Can Help.
The Way You'll Help,
Taylor, Is By Staying Here.
All Right?
Well, Now.
Everything Is Just About
Back Where It Should Be.
We're Not Giving Up.
Now, Adam.
We Had An Agreement.
Oh, Well.
Can't Say
As I Blame You.
Actually, I Wasn't
Planning On Keeping
My Side Of The Bargain,
Either.
What?
After What You
Put Me Through?
Ha. No Way.
Leave Him Alone.
Van Helsing.
[Speaking
Foreign Language]
[I] Wladislaus
Wallachia Weyoden.
I Can't Say
It's A Pleasure.
Oh, No, Van Helsing.
The Pleasure
Will Be All Mine.
Rahrr!
Ow!
That's Not Gonna Hold Him.
Let's Get Your Mother
Out Of Here.
Come On, Mom.
We Gotta Go.
Unh!
Is There Some Sort
Of A Trick To This?
Rahrr!
Wooden Stakes.
How Quaint.
No!
I Should Have Finished You
In Budapest.
Oh, Well.
Better Late Than Never.
Leave Him Alone.
Taylor, Don't!
Listen To Your Brother,
Taylor.
I Said Leave Him Alone.
Are You
Standing Up To Me?
You're 8.
Oh, Yeah. That's
The Vampire Spirit.
A Room Full
Of People,
And You're
Gonna Square Off
With An 8-Year-Old?
Yeah, Nice Job.
A Real Challenge.
You'll Really
Impress 'Em
With This One
At The Vampire
Convention.
Enough!
What Is It
With This Family?
Don't You Get It?
You're Kids.
I'm A Vampire.
I Have The Power.
Yeah, Right.
Heh. Uh...
Oops.
Chels, Help Me.
Oh, She Can't Help You.
Unh.
And He Can't Help You.
Nobody Can Help You.
Because I'm A Vampire!
Now, Are You Two
Starting To Understand
What That Means?
Mom?
Help, Mom. Please!
Help Us. Mom,
Please Wake Up.
Wake Up. Come On!
Mom,
You Have To Wake Up!
Mom's A Little Busy
Right Now.
Mom, Help.
Help, Mom!
Please!
Children.
Dear, Dear, Children.
We Need You!
Come On, Mom!
So, Who's Going
To Be First?
Mom?
Help!
You Are.
Lynette.
Stand Back!
Silver-Plated Nails.
Mom!
Taylor!
You Guys Saved Me.
No, You Saved Us.
How'd You Break
The Trance?
I Don't Know.
Only True Love Can Break
A Vampire's Trance.
That's What It Was.
Wasn't It, Mom?
That's What It Was.
I Love You Guys
More Than Anything.
Hi.
Hello.
Van Helsing.
We Almost Met...
At The Market.
Lynette Hansen.
You're The Real
Malachi Van Helsing?
On A Good Day.
And I Believe You've Met
My Partner Taylor Hansen.
Uh...What's Gonna
Happen To That Guy?
Well, We Need
To Get Him Someplace
With A Lot Of Sunlight.
He'll Go To My Vault
In The South Pole,
And Then This Summer We'll
Just Ship Him Back To Finland.
Well, Sun's Up Now.
I'm Hungry.
Would You Like
To Come For Breakfast?
Breakfast?
Why Not?
Sure.
Well, I Never Did
Make Those Pancakes.
Have You Tried Them
With Chocolate Chips?
Already Got 'Em.
Then It's A Date.
Don't
Say Date.
Not A Date.
Mom Doesn't Date.
I Date...
Just Not Vampires.
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Mom's Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)
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