03x13 - A Present for Dee

[bunniefuu]

♪[Humming]

[People laughing]

♪[Continues humming]

Hey, rerun, how's
dee's birthday cake
comin'?

Almost finished.

[Whoops]

Hey, I think we got
everything this time.

[Shirley]
let me see.

Yep. This is gonna be
the surprise party to end
all surprise parties.

Hey, look at these
party favors!

[Trumpeting]

Dee's gonna love 'em.
Kids are crazy
about these things.

I love to see
their little faces light up
when they see 'em.

Can I have one, raj?

Dwayne, tomorrow
our little dee will be
14 years old,

Which means,
she is no longer

This little.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

But somehow I can't forget
the day mama brought her home
from the hospital.

Those tiny little feet,

Those tiny little hands,

And that great big mouth.

Yeah, that's our dee.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm really proud of us,
the way we kept
the surprise party a secret.

It's not easy keeping
anything a secret from dee.

Yeah. Well, let's
get this place decorated.

All right!

[Knocking on door]
here.

I'll get it.
All right.

♪[Shirley humming]

Dee! Uh,
just--just a minute.

It's dee! Dee!

[Knocking on door]

[Raj]
uh.

Be right with you, dee.
You know, this door is
stuck again.

I gotta get these hinges off.
Are you holding on
to the door?

Uh, hurry up!

Uh, uh, dee,
what you, uh...
What happened?

You were supposed to
take my books to the library.

I know. I gave 'em
to my girlfriend, julie.
She's gonna do it.

Ok, yeah.

Why won't you
let me in?

Hmm? Um, who said
I won't let you in?

Come on, my little sister's
welcome here any time.

Guess who's here,
everybody.

[All]
hi!
Hi, dee.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, dee, I'm so glad
you could stop by.

You know,
we haven't had a chat
in such a long time.

So how you been?
How's little earl?

It's getting dark outside.
You better go. Bye.

Shirley, I've got
plenty of time.

Oh.

Get a new hat?

Hat?

[Inaudible]

Oh, this hat.
Oh, well, um,

One of the customers
down at the soda shop

Left me this hat as a tip.

Shirley, now
that's ridiculous.
Nobody does that.

What do you mean?
Haven't you heard
of a gentleman

Tipping his hat?

Now look me in the eye
and tell me that story again.

Uh, what story?

Well, I figured that this hat
was for my surprise party
tomorrow.

I'm sorry, guys.
I blew it.

[Raj]
yeah.

Yep. We might as well
call everybody and tell them
dee found out.

Yeah, too bad.
Since the party's off,
let's eat.

Hold it, hold it.
I haven't seen a thing.

I didn't struggle through
these 14 years not to have
a surprise party.

And there's one more thing.
Raj, I believe this is yours.

This is the guest list.
Wait a minute.

Who added all these names
on here? There's a dozen more.

I did. And it's 15
to be exact.

15 More guests?

To you they're
15 more guests.

To me they're
15 more presents.

♪[music playing]

[Knocking on door]

Hi, raj.
Sorry I'm late.

Hey, that's ok.
No problem, little earl.

Little earl, check.

This is for dee.

Oh.

Now one small package,
attractively wrapped
in blue ribbon,

Over a brown paper bag.

[Exhaling]

Hey, all right,
little earl, man.

Where'd you
get this jacket?
I like it.

It's a new club I joined.
Yeah?

Hey, how about that?
Little earl is growing up.

Yeah.

The vultures? Man,
that sounds like
a pretty mean group.

Yeah, it's a jungle out there.

You're either a vulture
or a pigeon.

Oh, little earl,
you don't wanna grow up
believing that.

I mean, there are
some decent people here

Who are not vultures
or pigeons.

That's not
what bobby farrell says.

Bobby farrell?

He's our leader.

Hey, man,

Isn't that the same kid
that was thrown out
of the 3rd grade

For loan sharking?

Uh, he says
it was a bum rap.

Where's the girl
of my dreams?

She'll flip
when she sees me in this.

Hey, everybody,
here come dee.

Quick! Get in the closet
with me.

I thought you said
she already knew
about the surprise party.

She does. I just want you
to get in the closet with me.

Ok, come on, everybody,
get ready. Come on, rerun,
now help me.

[Knocking on door]

[Clearing throat]

Ladies and gentlemen,

The new miss dee thomas!

[All cheering]

Happy birthday, dee.

Wow. Yesterday you were
my little girl but today
you're my old lady.

[Man]
here, here. Here, here.

[Both]
cake time!

[All]
all right!

Dee, you come on over
and you just make a wish
and blow out the candles.

Mmm-hmm.

[All cheering]

Did you make a wish, dee?

Uh-huh.

You think it'll
come true, dee?

That depends. Do you think
they could gift wrap
the bank of america?

No, dee, I'll cut the cake.
You start the dancing.

Hey, dancing! Great!

Hey.

Come on, sweetcakes,
let's swing it.

You're not sweetcakes.

Oh.

Cuttin' in, fella.

You dance?

Hey, I said
I'm cuttin' in!

Hey, come on,
little earl.

When a vulture says
cuttin' in,
he means cuttin' in!

All right, don't hit me,
don't hit me.

Do you know how to dance,
little earl?

Does john travolta have hair?
Come on, sweetcakes,
let's hit it.

[Knocking on door]

Bobby farrell,
what's goin' down?

I'm looking for
one of my vultures.

Hey, barnett.

Oh, hi, bobby. Come on in.

No chance.
We got a vulture meeting.
That means you.

But it's dee's birthday.

Yeah, and we're
right in the middle
of my party.

The vultures
are meeting right now!

Oh. Sure, bobby.

Then move it!

Hey, wait a minute, bobby.
Come on. Take it easy.

When the leader
of the vultures says move,
a vulture moves.

Well, goodbye, dee.
Goodbye, everybody.

Nice party.
I guess I gotta go.

[All]
goodbye, earl.

See you later,
little earl.

Hey, little earl's
keeping fast company,
isn't he?

Yeah, I'm gonna have to
keep an eye on him.

Yeah.

But right now,
let's party!

Yeah.

[All]
all right! Right on!

May I have the honor
of this dance, miss thomas?

♪[Scatting]

Well, how'd you make out,
little miss rockefeller?

Hey, looks like
a pretty good haul.

Yeah, not as good
as christmas, but better
than halloween.

Oh, I just love this.

Oh, that's from raj.

Yeah. He knows
the inner you.

Hey, I hope you like
my gift.

Oh, this diary?
Mmm-hmm.

It's great.

You wanna hear
what I've written so far?

No, no, no. You're not
supposed to tell anybody
what you write in your diary.

Let's just take a peek.

"Today I celebrate
my 14th birthday."

That's pretty good.

"My heart raced
with fiery passion

As ricardo pressed
his hungry mouth to mine"?

"2 Strong arms
crushed the breath
from my body,

"As ricardo held me closer,

Closer and, and closer."

Dee, who's ricardo?

[Clicking tongue]
nobody.

But 30 years from now
who wants to read:

"Today I shook hands
with rerun"?

So what else
did you get?

Well, there's this thing
I got from little earl.
Here.

What is that?

I think it's a necklace.

No, it looks like
a flea collar
for a godzilla.

I know. But little earl's
such a nice little kid

And I don't wanna
hurt his feelings.

Yeah,
so what you gonna do?

The decent thing.

Tomorrow I'm gonna
take it back
and get the money.

Ok.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Are you
the store manager?

Yes, I'm mr. Bradford.
What can I do for you?

Well, the lady out front
sent me in here. I want to
return something.

Oh, why are people
always returning things?

Well, let me see
your sales slip.

I don't have one.

Sorry. No sales slip,
no refund.

Well, can I exchange it
for something else?

All right, let's see
what you've got.

This necklace.

Oh.

Well, this is from our fine
costume jewelry collection.

Now why would anybody
want to return a fine...

Well!

[Clinking]

Well, what can I get for it?

I'd say
between 5 and 10 years.

What are you talking about?

This merchandise is stolen.

Stolen? Bye.

Uh, wait a minute,
young lady.

Sit down.

You're in deep trouble.

You kids today
are really something.

What nerve.

First, you shoplift jewelry
and then you try
to exchange it.

Why don't you shoplift
from a store where you
like things?

I keep telling you
someone gave me that necklace
for a birthday present.

Who was it?

Look, if I was gonna
steal something,

Why would I take
that ugly thing?

Ugly?

Bite your tongue.
That is not ugly.
That's a fine piece.

Now look.

If--if you didn't steal it,
then who did?

You just tell me
and then you'll be
in the clear.

Look, you can't
hold me like this.
I know my rights.

I'm entitled
to one phone call.

That's right
and I'm gonna make it.

To your parents.

My parents?

Mmm-hmm. What's their number?

They don't have a phone.

Either I call your parents
or the police.

5-5-5-7-7-3-2.

Rerun, are you
eating again?

Well, I figured
after all that junk food
I ate at the party,

I owe my body
something nutritious,

Like this
health food cereal.

And, uh,
these chocolate chip
cookies?

Health food baloney.

Health food baloney!
What a great idea, raj.

[Phone ringing]

I'll get it.

Uh, no. I will.
You're liable
to eat the phone.

Hello.

Hello. Is this mr. Thomas?

Uh, yes, it is.

This is mr. Bradford
from bradford's jewelry store.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't buy
anything over the phone.

I'm not selling anything.

Mr. Thomas, do you
have a daughter?

Well, none that I know of.

[Guffawing]

Mr... Mr. Thomas,
are--are you all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

There's a young lady here
named dee,

And she gave this
as her parent's phone number.

Dee. Oh, that daughter.
Right.

[Clearing throat]

[Deep voice]
well, you know,
it's kinda hard...

It's kinda hard to keep track
with 12 kids.

Um, what seems to be
the problem?

Well, uh, it appears
that she seems to have done
some shoplifting.

Dee? Shoplifting?
I can't believe that!

[Deep voice]
oh, no, no, no.

No. Shoplifting?
Not my dee.

Well, may I suggest that
you come down here
as soon as possible,

And it might be well
to bring your wife
along with you.

My wife?

[Clears throat]

I'll be right down there.

[bradford]
thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Raj, what wife?

What shopliftin'?

What's happening'?

That was bradford's
jewelry store.

They said they caught
dee stealing.

Dee? Stealing?

Oh, wow.

Oh, man, this is serious.

Look, I don't
wanna upset mama,

So I'll just
go down there myself
and try to settle it.

Now all I need is a wife.

Don't look at me.
I have a headache.

Look, why don't you
have a heart
and let me go?

I'm not a criminal.

Yesterday was my birthday.
I'm only 14.

Yes, and billy the kid
was only 14

When he gunned down 6 people.

It was only 2.

It was 6.
I saw the movie.

It was 2.
I read the book.

Never mind. The point is
he was caught and hung.

He was shot.

Good. He was shot and hung.
Serves him right.

[Phone buzzing]

Hello. Oh, send them in.

Well, your parents are here.

They are?

[Deep voice]
oh, dee. Baby.

[Dee]
mama?

Oh, my little baby. Oh.

Uh, mrs. Thomas, I'm sure
it's very difficult for you.

Why don't you
just sit down?

Oh yeah, my afternoon's shot.
I mean, this just blows
my p.t.a. Meeting.

There, there,
dearest darling.

Mmm.

Pumpkin face,

Pull yourself together.

Ok, I will, apple pie.

Now, my good man,
would you be so kind

As to explain the particulars
of the charges

That you have leveled
against my darlin' daughter?

Well, not only did she
steal this necklace,

But she had the nerve
to bring it back
and try to exchange it.

But I keep tellin' you
I didn't steal it.

Easy, easy now, child.

Let me take a closer look
at this thing here.

You know, my eyesight's
been failing me lately

Ever since I put on
these glasses.

Oh, this thing is ugly.

Let me see it,
sugar dumpling.

Ok, love boat.

Honey lamb.

Oh, angel pie.

[Clicking tongue]

Why would anybody
in their right mind

Try to steal
this piece of garbage?

It so happens that garbage
is in this year.

And your daughter
did steal it.

That's a very
serious accusation,
mr. Bradford.

Could we speak
to our daughter
alone, please?

Oh, very well,
but be quick about it.

Thank you.

They need sharpening.

Thanks for coming.

Isn't that the necklace
little earl gave you?

Yeah, I think he stole it
for me,

But I didn't say anything
because I don't wanna
get him in trouble.

Mmm-hmm. But you do know
that you can go to jail
for this, right?

Yes, I know.
But so can little earl.

[Sighing]
oh, boy. Well,
I'll think of something.

Yeah, we better think
of somethin' fast

Before your moustache
falls off.

Well? You ready to talk?

[Deep voice]
ahem. Almost.

Um, mr. Bradford, ahem,

You see, this is all
a big mistake.

Our daughter
received that necklace

As a gift
from a very close friend
of the family.

Yeah, what was
the friend's name?

I'd rather not say.

Mrs. Thomas?

I'd rather not say.

Then you both refuse to talk?

Yeah, I mean,
after all these years,

That's what's kept
our marriage together.

Apple pie.

Well, then you leave me
no alternative

Except to turn your daughter
over to the police.

Say what? Whoa, whoa,

[Deep voice]
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Uh, mr. Bradford,
let's not be too hasty.

Perhaps we can
settle this.

Yeah, why don't we
just pay for the necklace?

Oh, no, people just think
they can buy their way out
of everything.

That's the trouble
with the world today.

Morals are bad,
ethics are bad,
scruples are bad.

We pay cash.

Cash is good.

$39 And 37 cents.

For that piece of junk?

$39 And 37 cents?

Yes.

That's robbery.
Call the cops.

Very well.

Wait a minute.
I said I'll pay for it.

Well, where you gonna
get the money, child?

From dada.

[Whimpering]

Hi, sweetcakes. Raj said
you had somethin' for me.

I bet I know what it is.

Yeah? What is it?

A big kiss
for the birthday present
I got you.

Wrong. It's a big bill
for the present you gave me.

$39 And 37 cents,
payable on demand,

And I'm demanding it
right now.

Uh-oh.

Earl, why did you
steal that necklace?

I can't tell you.
I'm sworn to secrecy.

I almost went to jail
for you.

You did? Wow,
you'd have done that
for me?

I said almost.
Now I figure you owe me
an explanation.

Well, ok, dee.

The stealing part was
for the vulture's initiation.

Well, couldn't you say
you didn't wanna do it?

Yeah, but I
really wanted to be
a member of the club.

But it's wrong to take things
that don't belong to you.

I'll never do it again.
Honest, dee.

You better not
or you can kiss me
goodbye.

Can I do that anyway?

No.

Don't be mad at me, dee;
I'll figure out some way
to pay for that necklace.

That's all right,
don't worry about it.

Wow! What a great dame.

I'll draw up
a long term contract

With easy payments at 6%.

What?

Tsk, I'll make it 5%.
You're a friend.

Ok, now, you're not gonna stay
in that g*ng, are you?

What d' you mean?
I passed the initiation

And the vultures
are the toughest g*ng
to get in.

And they make you feel
important?

Yeah. They make me feel
like a man.

Ok. Here's your necklace,
take it back.

But it's a gift
from me to you.

It's yours.
You paid for it.

Do you really think
I would wear a necklace
from a baby vulture?

Baby?

That's right.

You think that i,
a 14-year-old,
would be proud

To tell people
I got a necklace
from a punk 9-year-old kid

Who needs a g*ng to make him
feel important? Take it.

[Necklace clinking]

Dee.

I'd rather wear a necklace
from a 5-year-old

Who feels important
because I like him,

Not because a g*ng
likes him.

Or a 3-year-old
who just feels happy
with himself

For being a nice grown-up
3-year-old.

Dee--

Or a 2-year-old--

Dee, I'd be very proud
and happy with myself

If you were wearing this
when I came back.

Where are you going?

To de-vulture myself.

I think I handled that
pretty well for a 14-year-old.

You know, I'm really
proud of dee.

She handled little earl
beautifully.

Yeah. He's all
de-vultured now.

And I'm proud
of little earl, too.

He went down there
to see mr. Bradford.
And he faced the music.

Hmm.

W-what's gonna happen
to him?

Well, for the next few months,
he'll be, uh, down
at bradford's jewelry store

Washing $39 worth of windows.

But, raj, speakin' of
washing windows,

How did it feel to be married
to shirley?

Well, now,
shirley is everything
a man could want.

She's kind, considerate,
gentle, sweet--

Are you bums
gonna sit around here
all day?

And then there's
the other side of her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's move!

You know, this is not
a place for you to live.

Apple dumpling.
Apple dumpling.

[Both]
sugar pie.

No, we're not
goin' anywhere

Move!
No!

I will make you.

[All clamoring]

Hey, hey,
what?

Back, shirley, back.