02x22 - The Apartment

[bunniefuu]

[All laughing]

What a beautiful
graduation!

Ohh!

Roger, roger, roger!

Oh, mama, mama, mama!

Roger, roger, roger!

Mrs. Thomas.

Oh, and rerun, rerun, rerun!

I'm staying out of this.

But, dee, weren't you
proud of your brother?

Well, let me put it this way:
he didn't get on my nerves.

Not every
little girl's brother
was a valien-deodorant.

Valedictorian.

You got it.

Valien-deodorant?

Oh, roger, your speech
was just marvelous, darling.

All because of you, mama.

Oh, and you both looked
so wonderful
in your caps and gowns.

Just wonderful.

[Weeping]

You sure acted silly,
though, rerun.

It was a simple mistake, dee.

I was so excited,
I forgot how it
was supposed to go.

How it goes is
when the principal
hands you the diploma,

You're supposed to throw
your hat in the air,
not the principal.

[Knocking]

Come in, dwayne.

Hey, hey, hey!

There they are,
the graduates.
All right.

Now here's my buddy,
the college man.

And my other buddy,
the you-better-find-a-job man.

No really, raj.

Man, I really wanted to be
up there with you guys.

Hey, next year, dwayne,

You'll be graduating
and we'll be sitting
in the audience.

Yeah. Oh, raj, man,
did you tell your mama yet?

Oh, no, no.
Tell me what?

Oh, let me get that for you,
mama.

It's, uh...

Nothing, really.
It's nothing.

When it takes him that long
to say something's nothing,

Nothing's usually something.

Well, what is it,
roger?

Well, mama,
did you, um, pay attention
to my speech, tonight?

Did I pay attention?

How many children did I have
graduating today?

Of course I paid attention.

Ok, well, what did you think
about the part where I said:

[Clears throat]

"We stepped into
this high school as boys,

And we're walking out as men."

Ah, that was beautiful.

Did you agree with that, mama?

Oh, yes.

Except for rerun.

He stepped in as a boy,
became man halfway through,

And walked out
as a senior citizen.

Dee...

Uh, mama, did you hear
the part where I said:

[Clears throat]

"And as men,

We must now give to society
and stop taking."

That was my favorite line:
"taking."

You know, mama,
my favorite sentence was, uh:

[Clears throat]

"And so we graduate
not only from high school,

But from dependence
to independence."

That was
your favorite sentence?

Mmm-hmm,
and what was yours?

The one you began:

[Clears throat]

"In conclusion..."

I enjoyed the whole speech,
roger. Every word of it.

Yeah, but did you
agree with it, mama?

Of course.

Good, because...

[Clears throat]

As a man, now, who has
his independence,

I felt I should have my own

[Mumbles]

Your what?

Apartment.

You should have
your own apartment?

Yes, I should have
my very own apartment.

And move out of here?

Well, after all,
I am a man now.

So, how come you keep saying
"apartment"?

Roger, tell me
about this apartment.

You'll love it, mrs. Thomas.
It's great.

And did you take
this apartment yet, roger?

Of course not, mama,

I wouldn't do that
without first talking to you.
We just looked at it.

But I really love it, mama.

You do, huh?

Yeah, mama, I really do.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Ok, roger.

Have you considered the fact
that someone would probably

Want you to pay rent
to live in this apartment?

It's only $160 a month.
That's $20 a week, mama,

Including utilities
and everything.

And rerun is sharing it
with me.

Yeah, mrs. Thomas.
I've got a part-time job
at the pizza parlor now.

And I'm going to start
full time next week.

And--and mama, I'm getting
a better job, too.

And the college helps you find
part-time employment.

We'll be able to make it.
Now, what do you say?

And--and mama, I'm close by.
I can walk here in 10 minutes.

Now tell me it's ok.

Tell you it's ok?

Do you think it is easy
for a mother after 17 years

To tell her son that
he could move out of her home
and be on his own?

Do you think that's easy,
roger?

No, mama.

But, then again,

Who ever said
that being a mother
is supposed to be easy?

Ok, I'm ok.

[All]
all right!

[Cheering]

Oh, mama, mama...

[Gasping]

I can't--
I can't breathe.

Step right this way.
This is our deluxe apartment.

Isn't it beautiful?

Look at this fantastic view.

Love it! Love it!

Mrs. Thomas,
wait till you see
the bedroom.

It's right over here.
Let me show you.

No, mama, you can't.
There's only--only one person

Can fit in the bedroom
at a time.

Unless we
get rid of the bed.

You're kiddin'.

You're not kidding.

Frankly, mrs. Thomas,

I think
with some imagination,

We could do wonders
with this place.

I mean, I see
drapes at windows,

And I feel
fabric on the walls,

And plants, lots of plants,
all over the place.

And reds. The place
is just crying for reds.

And plaids.
You know what I mean?

Oh, you see, I took
home economics at school
instead of shop this semester.

Well, what do you say?
Do we sign the lease?

Well, let's talk a minute,
huh?

Go right ahead.

Alone, if you don't mind.

Well, all right.
I'll be waiting right
in the other room here.

Where you can give me
a check.

You really want this place?

[Both]
oh, yes.

All right,
let's see the lease.

By all means.

And now, I'm sure you'll find
it's the standard lease.

[Mama]
uh-huh, uh-huh.

Ok, got a pen?

Just happened
to have one handy.

Ok, we'll just make
this little change here,

And it should be fine.

Change? What change?

Right here,
where you accidentally wrote

$160 Instead of $150.

Oh, no, no, no.
That's no accident, you see.

$160 Is the rent
and that is final.

Well, since that is final,

We're not interested
and let's go, fellows.

No, hold it, hold it.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I just remembered.

$160 Is the semi-final,
but $150 is the final.

Oh, this is gonna be nice.

Yeah, nice.

Raj, raj.

How long is she
gonna be here?

I don't know.

Will you tell her
to go home?

I can't.

She's gotta go home.
Those girls will be here
any minute.

I know, rerun,
but what can I say?

Just say, "mama,
you've been here all week.

"This is not your place,
this is ours.

Now it's time to get out."

Rerun, I can't do that.
That's my mama.

Oh, thank you, mrs. Thomas.
That's wonderful.

We'll see you, ok?

Oh, it's my pleasure, rerun.
You don't have to thank me.

I enjoy doing it.

Uh, maybe I should just raise
that hem just a little bit--

No, mama, no! Believe me,
the hem is just
where it should be.

Whoo-hoo!
I say.

Isn't that good? Well,
I'll see you tomorrow.
Tell dee I said hello, ok?

Ok, did you eat?

Yeah, we're eating later.

Yeah, we've got
a couple buddies comin' over.

We're going to eat together,
and sit down and watch
the ball game on the radio.

Rerun! Who's--who're--
who's coming over?
Dwayne and who else?

Uh, it's not dwayne. It's,
just a couple of good friends.

Like who?

[Sighs]

Delores and angela.

They're girls,
mrs. Thomas.

Well, I should hope so,
with names like that.

You don't mind,
do you, mama?

Why--why, of course not.
Why should I mind?

Hmm, I'll probably enjoy
meeting them.

You what?

I'll probably enjoy them.

Hey, I'm gonna fix
some refreshments for you.

Oh, no, thank you,
mrs. Thomas,
we got all we need.

But it was nice
of you to offer.

And when they get here,
I'll tell them
how you would've enjoyed 'em.

So I guess it's adios.
so, adios.

What kind of refreshments
did you make, roger?

Just a dip.
What kind?

What's the difference?

I mean, I mean,
it could never be
as good as yours.

So, what's the difference?

It's ketchup, guacamole,
and pepper dip.

Well, I'll--i'll
make something for you, ok?

No, go already.

What I mean, mrs. Thomas,
is that, you know,

You're giving me
a guilt complex because
you're doing so much,

And my family
is doing so little.

So please don't give me
a guilt complex, mrs. Thomas,
and go now.

Oh, rerun, you're so sweet.

But you don't have to
feel guilty, though.

Just think of me
as your own mother.

Hey, you could even
call me "mama," if you like.

[Giggling]

Hi, raj.

What's happening,
frederick?

Go home, mama, go home.

Is she his mama?

No, no, she's, uh,
she's my mother.
He just calls her mama.

Oh.

You mean, you 2 guys invited
us up here to be with you

And your mama?

Oh, no, I'm leaving.

No, no, don't try to stop me.

You kids should be alone,
I understand.

You don't need nobody older
hanging around.

I'm going right now.
I'll see you.

Bye, mama.

[Mama]
I'll see you, roger.

Oh, do you girls like
fried chicken?

What?

Uh, fried chicken.

Well, I'm gonna make
a marvelous batch
of fried chicken,

And I'll bring it
right over.

Well, I'll see you all
in a minute.
I'll see you, rerun.

Ok, mama.
Have fun, now.

I love you, too, darling.
I'll see you, rerun.

You know
how mothers are.

Excuse me.

Let's get some
music on, here.
Yeah.

See, raj,
what did I tell you?

Um, I didn't bring
my stereo set,

Because, my mother,
you know, she enjoys it.

And she wouldn't have anything
to listen to at home.

Oh, boy, no music,
and your mother's running
in and out.

Hey, listen, why don't
you guys come over
to my place?

I have plenty of records.
That's great.

Come on, raj.

We can't.

"We can't"?

No.

Why not?

Because my mother will be
back here in a little while
with the chicken,

And she'll be
very disappointed

If there's nobody here
to eat it.

Hey, we got music.

Hey, hit it, rerun.

♪ Ow! Ow!

It was worth a try.

Uh, let's go, delores.

Hey, wait a minute,
just give us a chance.

This is the first time
I'm having an apartment.

I mean, you know,
give us a break.

Well, that's the way it goes.

It didn't have to go
that way, raj,

If it wasn't
for your mother.

She's ruining our lives!

She's been over here
day and night
since we got the place.

Why don't you just
tell her to stay away?

Because she's my mother.

No kidding.

You don't like her here?

Not all the time, no!

Well, if she's not
welcome here,

I don't belong here, either,
friend.

I don't understand it,
dwayne.

All those years
he ate at my house,

My mother fed him,

Looked after him
when he was sick,

Even told him
to call her "mama."

And then he had the nerve

To say he doesn't want her
hanging around our apartment.

Not his apartment,
our apartment.

Raj, would you be mad
at me if I told you
I don't blame him?

What did you say?
You don't blame him?

No, no, raj, I said,
would you be mad at me
if I said that.

Of course I'd be mad at you.

That's why I'd never say that.

See, I'm not saying that,
I'm whistling.

♪ [Whistling]

Well, what are you
trying to say?

Well, raj, first of all,
the most important thing is

That you and rerun are still
friends with each other,

And find some kind of way
to get along.

But nobody can get along
with rerun.

2 Days ago,
we went to buy a rug.

I said, "rerun,
let's be practical.

Let's get a grey one,
so that it won't show dust."

But not rerun.

He said, "let's get a red one,
so that it won't show pizza."

That sounds like rerun,
all right.

Yeah, it sure does.

Now, you two get going,
so I can close
this place up. Come on.

Where're our hamburgers?

Oh, you don't want
those hamburgers. No, no.

Why not?

Well, the way I see it,
raj, is that, uh,

It should take about
5 minutes for you
to realize that rerun's right,

And for you to go home
and ask your mama not to come
over the apartment so much.

Then, when you get home,
she'd be frying that chicken

That she says she's going to
bring back to your apartment.

And so to keep her
from getting mad,

You're going to have to
eat all that chicken.

Now, if you have
those hamburgers,

How're you going
to eat all that chicken?

So you think rerun is right,
don't you, shirley?

I sure do.

Me, too, raj.

Oh, yeah? Let me tell
both of you somethin':

You're right.

Don't tell us, tell him.
Tell him.

Oh, rerun.

Don't yell at me anymore, raj.
I hated that.

You were right,
I was wrong.

And your mother can come
to the apartment
any time she wants.

And I'm sorry.

No, you were right
and I was wrong.

And she can't come there
any time she wants.

Yes, she can.

No, she can't.

Yes, she can!

No, she can't!

Look, she's your mother!

No, she's not!

Yes, she is my mother.

Yeah, I knew he would
get you on that one.

Pretty good, rerun.

No, see, what raj is trying
to tell you, rerun,

Is that even though
raj's mother
is still his mother,

She should let you have
your privacy. Right, raj?

That's right, shirley.

And rerun, I'm sorry.

And I'm gonna go home
and tell mama right now.

All right! Hey, but, raj,
tell her nice, though, ok?

Oh, yeah, I will.

And, raj...

Do you really think
you'll be able to tell her?

Of course. I'm a man,
an independent man.

And I have to do
independent man things.

Alone, and by myself.

Let's go, dwayne.

Huh?

[Dwayne]
hey, wrong way, raj.
This way.

Mama,
this is the best chicken

You've ever cooked
in your whole life.

[Laughing]
oh.

Oh! Oh, really, mrs. Thomas,
it sure is.

I've never had anything
anywhere near this good.
sh**t.

Oh, stop. Your mother
is a wonderful cook.

Oh, no, she's not.
She's awful.

I mean, I hate her food.
Yuck! Blah! Ow!

What happened
to your girlfriends
anyway, raj?

Yeah, why are they gone?

Hear this, raj. Zing it in.
That's your big chance.
Let her have it.

Look out, mrs. Thomas,
here it comes. Ouch! Ouch!

What's he talking about
and what are you--

Yeah, you've been beating
around the bush all night.

You got something to say,
say it. My time is valuable.

What is it, raj?

[Breathes deeply]

Well, mama, it's about you
coming over to the apartment.

Oh?

Oh. Oh! I get it.

Now I know why it was
so hard for you to ask me.

Of course, you want me
to come over and clean it

For you once in a while.

No, mama, what I'm trying
to say is--

Oh, roger, and I've got
a surprise for you.

Yes, yes, I will.

And thanks
for asking me, darling.

I was afraid you weren't
going to let me
do that for you.

But, mama--

I can't come over every day,

But I can come over
3 or 4 times a week

And in the evenings,
after work.

But, m-mama--

Oh, roger,
you make me so proud
and so happy, darling.

That's all I wanna do.

Well, that's it.

But, raj, you didn't tell her
about when-- ouch! Ouch!

I, uh, better go
and give rerun the good news

That you're stopping by.

You leaving without
having dessert?

No, I'm really full.

Too full for banana cream pie?

Yeah, come on, dwayne.

Uh-uh. I don't live with you.
My place is right here.

With some banana cream pie.

See you later, dee.
Bye.

I'll see you, roger.

I know.

Sir, banana cream pie
is coming up.

[Sighs]

Rerun.

Rerun.

[Yelling]

I'm sorry, rerun,
but I have to talk to you.

Why'd you have
to wake me up?

How can I talk to you
while you're sleeping?

All my teachers did.

What'd your mother say?

Rerun, I tried to tell her,
I really tried...

But I couldn't.
I couldn't do it.
I'm sorry.

It's all right, good buddy.
I understand.

Maybe you should look
for another roommate, rerun.

Someone who really
is an independent man.

[Knocking on door]

Mama?

Hi, baby.

Hi, dwayne.
Raj.

Hi, mrs. Thomas.
Hi, dwayne.

Hi, rerun.

Roger told me the girls
went home, so I thought
you probably had

Some of that guacamole,
pepper, ketchup dip left.

No, I finished it.
Be grateful.

I am grateful.

And I'm grateful that my son
has 2 wonderful friends.

One who likes me so much

That he can't tell me that
I'm being a pain in the neck,

And another one who likes me
so much that he can.

Dwayne, you told mama?
Remember what I told you?

Rerun, what you got
in the kitchen, bro?

Yes, he told me
and he was right.

[Sighs]

You once asked me
did I pay attention
to your graduation speech.

Well, I thought I did.

But it's really not easy
to pay complete attention

To anything with tears of joy
in your eyes.

You were right, roger.

You're a man now.
An independent young man.

And that means that...
I have to be invited over.

And it also means that
you have to pay for a maid.

Oh, mama--
I mean it.

I love you, mama.
I love you, too, baby.

Rerun, you left
all your dishes in the sink.

I'm sorry, raj.

Oh, and you left your clothes
on the floor.

Oh, I'll put 'em away.

And what are you eating now?

Captain chomp chomp.

Well, if you eat it all now,

You won't have any left
for breakfast.

Well, then I can sleep late.

Rerun, if you sleep late,
you can't make it
in this world.

Raj!

Rerun.
Raj!

Do me a favor,

Be my roommate,
not my mother.

Fair enough.

Hey, I got
a pretty terrific mama,
don't i?

Yeah, she sure is.
She's a really great sport.

Yeah, she sure is.

But isn't it nice now?
Just the two of us.

In our own apartment,
in a large city,

Ready to face the world
on our own

With nobody to bother us.

Hey, hey, hey!

How do you guys like
the way I helped you out
with your mama?

I figured that's part
of my job as a buddy.

Oh, yeah, and by the way,
I'll be coming by sometime
tomorrow or the next day,

You know, to give you
my decorating ideas.

And since I'll be coming by
afternoons and weekends,

Maybe I should
have my own key.

[Both]
yeah.

That way I can come and go--

You think he understands?

He understands.

Good.

Hey, hey, hey. Does that mean
I don't get my own key?

Perfect.

Right, how about
some chomp chomp?

Yeah, here you go, chum.