02x05 - Nothing Personal

[bunniefuu]

Hi, rerun.

Hi, rob.

[People chattering]

Hey, rerun.
What's happening?

Hey, rerun.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Yeah, what's wrong?

I got an "f"
on my history test,

And now I got to write
a 2,000-word essay.

Wow, that is rough.
You don't even know
2,000 words.

[Laughing]

You guys are cold.

Well, what was
the test on, rerun?

The industrial revolution.

Rerun, I thought
you studied for that test.

I did, but I didn't expect
any trick questions.

Like what?

Like "what was
the industrial revolution?"

[Shirley]
you guys havin' anything?

Yeah, I'll have
a grape soda.
You got it.

Uh, I'll have a tuna
on rye.
Next.

Give me a meatloaf sandwich,
a grilled cheese sandwich,
and a hot fudge sundae.

No, make it a
ham and cheese on rye,

With a hamburger and fries,
and a strawberry shake.

Oh, give me a break, rerun,

I'm usin' my shorthand.

Well, use the other one.

Shut up, fool.

I've been
practicing my shorthand

'Cause I got another
job interview tomorrow
as a secretary.

Oh. You're really serious
about leaving here,
aren't you?

Man, I sure am. I don't want
to be a waitress
for the rest of my life.

Well, how's
your typin' coming?

Well, I was up to
40 words per minute,

And then
my typewriter broke.

Hey, come over tonight,
and you can practice on mine.

Hey, thanks a lot, raj.

Let's see, I can
probably be there
around 8:00.

[Raj]
8:00 sounds good.
Oh.

Shirley, this place
sure won't be the same
without you.

Thanks, dwayne.

It sure won't.
They'll have room
for another booth.

What? What did you say?

What happened to
the old typewriter ribbon?

I used it all up.

See, writers go through
a lot of typewriter ribbons.

Now, I'm going to use
this baby to type

The great american
short story,

The great american novel,

And the great
american movie.

Well, you better use
that baby to type
the great american apology,

Because you just
got ink on mama's
great american couch.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Hey, hey, hey!

What's happening?
Yeah, man,
what's happening?

Hey, thanks, raj,
for letting me use
your typewriter.

Oh, that's all right.
I'm almost
set up here, shirley.

Rerun brought something
for shirley to type.

I figured I do her a favor
and let her type
my history paper.

What are friends for?

You finished it already?

Just about. I--i thought
maybe you could add
your special touch.

Ok. Just about
set up here, shirley.

Oh, take your time.

I'll just loosen up here.

[Sighs]

All right.

Oh, watch it.
Is this it?

Oh, yeah, get your paper.
Hey. Hey.

Go to it.

Ok, shirley,
I'll dictate, you type.

Well, lay it on me.

Here goes.
Mmm-hmm.

"The industrial
revolution:

A 2,000-word essay
by frederick stubbs."

Mmm-hmm.

"The industrial
revolution

"Started a long, long,
long, long, long time ago.

On a very, very, very,
very, very cold day."

Ah, this stinks!

Hey, I've given it
my best shot.

Oh, I'm talking about
my typing. Look here.

I've already made 3 mistakes.

Hey, only 3 mistakes?
That's fantastic.

That's terrible
for a secretary.

sh**t, I'm not going
to that interview tomorrow.
It's a waste of time.

Hey, look, if you want to
move up in the world,
nothing is a waste of time.

Now you just gotta
jump in there
with both feet.

Yeah, put your shoulder
to the wheel.

Put your nose
to the grindstone.

Keep a stiff upper lip.

Look both ways
before you cross the street.

Yes, mr. Ramsey. Yes.

Uh, mr. Ramsey
will see you now.

Thank you.

Wow. Look at this place.

It's like somebody's circus.

Hey, you better
watch it, clown.

Hi!

Uh, I'm here about
the secretary job.

I see.

Uh, your name, please?

Shirley wilson.
Mmm-hmm.

Experience?
Oh, you bet.

No, I mean, where was
your last place
of employment?

Oh. Rob's
continental cuisine.

I never heard of it.

Oh, it's one of the in spots.

And, uh,
what did you do there?

Oh, I took a lot of
shorthand, you know.

And I handled the cash flow,

And I was known for
my ability to take orders.

Mmm-hmm.
That's, uh, o-r-d...

Here, you want me
to write that for you?
D-e-r-s.

Orders.

Won't you take a seat?

Ok.

Excuse me.
Sure.

I came in response
to your ad.

I've prepared
my application for you.

Oh.

Oh, my.
90 Words a minute,

Hmm. Shorthand
120 words a minute,

You operate a dictaphone,

You run the switchboard.

Well, we can certainly
use those skills
at the ace balloon company.

Now, won't you please
take a seat. We'll be with you
in just a minute.

[Laughs]

[Grunts]

Thank you, joan.
I'm very impressed
with your credentials.

You'll be hearing
from us soon.
Thank you, mr. Ramsey.

Mmm-hmm.

Uh, just one more, hm?
Well, um--

Hi.

No, uh, there are--
there are 2 more, mr. Ramsey.

Uh, helen lewis
and shirley wilson.

Hello, shirley.
Uh, I'm shirley wilson.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Uh.

Ok, fine,
you want to just come
right in here, please?

Sure.
All right.

Good luck.
Uh-huh.

Have a seat please,
miss wilson.
Thank you.

This is a very nice office.

Mmm-hmm.

Rob's continental
cuisine, eh?

Hmm.

How's your typing
and shorthand, shirley?

Well, I'm working on my typing
and I really
don't need shorthand

'Cause I have
such a great memory.
Go ahead, try me.

Well, this job
requires typing
of 80 words a minute

And shorthand
of at least that much.

This job requires typing
of 80 words per minute

And shorthand
of at least that much.

How'd I do?

That's very good,
but, uh,

Do your secretarial skills
meet those standards?

Well, no. But I can move
file cabinets.

I'm sorry, shirley.

Hmm.

Would you go in, please.

Shirley, if you'd like
to come back

Once your skills
have improved,
I'd be glad to reconsider.

You see, my problem
is I need somebody
totally experienced,

And I need her tomorrow.

So, uh, goodbye,
and I'm sorry
we can't use you.

Yeah.
Uh, excuse me.

Are you applying
for the secretarial position?

That's right.
Well,
that's interesting.

Very,
very interesting.

Well, he sure gets interested
easily, doesn't he?

Who is this?

Well, this is mr. Davis,
the president of our company.

I was just telling
miss wilson

That her secretarial skills
fall a bit below
our standards.

Oh, how far below?

She only types
40 words a minute.

Well, that's not too bad.

I think she'll fit
right in here.

Hire her, ramsey.

Shirley, you got the job!

What?

What?

All righ-- oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you,
thank you.

Ahem. Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Got the job. Oh!

Uh.
Uh, when do I start?

Uh, t-tomorrow.
Tomorrow.

Is that a problem?
Oh, no, no, no.

Uh, tomorrow's fine.
And I'll be on time.

Oh, thank you. Yes, sir.
I'll be on time...

Uh, what time is on time?

9:00.

9:00 Is fine.

Oh, thanks again.
Thank you.

Uh, and don't worry,
I won't let you down.

No, sir.
I'll be here at 8:30.

You know, I could even be here
around 8:00 or 7:00.

You know, I could
even sleep over.

No. That's a little joke
I zoomed in there.

Thanks again.
Uh, and don't worry.
9:00 I'll be here.

I got the job.

Uh, uh, thank you.

Bye.

I'm not really not sure
about her, mr. Davis.

Oh, she'll be fine.

Just make sure
she doesn't have much to do.

But then we still need
a good secretary.

Uh, if I may, mr. Davis,

I think the girl
in mr. Ramsey's office
would just be perfect.

Well, hire her
for the secretarial work

And hire shirley, too.

But then what can
shirley possibly add
to our company?

Well, something
we've needed around here
for a long time:

A little color.

[All cheering]

Shh.
A secretary!

No. No. No.

A new car will be next.

Guys. Hold it down.
I don't want rob to hear.

He knows you're looking
for a job.

Yeah, but he don't know
I start tomorrow.

He's gonna hit the ceiling
when I tell him.

Get ready
'cause here he comes.

All right, you've had
your interview. Now let's
get back to work.

Right. Right. Mmm-hmm.

And I want you in early
tomorrow 'cause I want you
to clean the coffee pot.

About that interview, uh--

How did it go?

I got the job.

Ok.
Yeah.

It'll be hard
to replace you,
yeah.

But I'm happy for you.
When do you start?

Mmm.

Uh, what?

Mmm-hmm.

When?
Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?
Yeah. Yeah.

Tomorrow!
Yeah. Yeah.

You mean tomorrow,
tomorrow?

Oh.

You're leaving me tomorrow,
without any help?

Uh, rob.
What?

Thanks for being
so happy for me.

How can you do this to me?

I'll never get
any help overnight.

And after all I've done
for you.

And I appreciate it, rob,
believe me.

But this is a chance
for a poor person
to make good.

I'm a poor person
trying to make good!

Now, I'm warning you.
Either you coming here
tomorrow to work,

Or I don't want to see you
in here again.
Not even as a customer!

Don't worry.
I'll never eat here.

Suicide is ill*gal
in this state.

And I'll never have
to work here again

Because I got a job
as a secretary.

I am moving up and out.

I quit!

How's it coming?

I'm almost finished.

Good girl.
As soon as you're finished
let me know

And we'll divide up
the rest of the work.
Right.

♪ [Humming]

Uh, am I late?

Oh--oh, no,
we're just early. Um.

Oh.
You remember helen lewis?

Oh, yeah. Hi, helen.

You're the one
with all the experience.

That's right.

That's right.

Uh, did I get fired
overnight?

Oh, no, no. We just realized
that we needed more help
than we thought.

Oh. Ok,
I'm ready to work.

Uh, aren't you going
to be the one
to break me in now?

Ok.
Great.

Ok, now, just show me
the ropes and tell me
everything I need to know.

Ok. Uh, shirley.
Huh?

Now, come over here.
Ok.

Now.
Mmm-hmm.

Pay very close attention.
Ok.

This is your desk.

All right!

My very own desk!

Let me check this out here.

Mmm. It must be brand new.

I don't see no gum on it.

Ok, what's next?
That's it.

Uh, isn't there anything else
I need to know?

Oh, yes.

The key to the ladies' room
is in my top drawer.

But what am I supposed to do?
I mean, what is my job?

Well, shirley,
you are sort of
an executive secretary

Executive secretary, huh?
Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.
In training.

Oh.

Now, meanwhile,
we've hired helen
to do all the busy work.

Well, what do I do
while she's busy?

Well, for the first
couple of days,

You should study
our catalogue.

That's all?

That's all.

Shouldn't I answer
the phone?

Oh, no.
No, shirley, no.

Your position is too high
for that now.

Now, if you have
any questions,
I'll be over at my desk.

Hmm.

"Ace balloon.
The best kind of inflation."

Oh, that's heavy.
Oh, that's real heavy.

Mmm-hmm.

[Phone rings]

Ace balloon.

I told you not to
answer the phone!

Oh, I forgot. Bye!

So, how'd you do on
your composition about
the industrial revolution?

I didn't get it
back yet,

But history
isn't my best subject.

Well, what is
your best subject?

French.

But you got a "d" in french.

oui.

Why aren't you guys
at the soda shop
wasting your time?

Shirley quit her job
at the soda shop.

So it's no fun
hanging around there anymore.

Yeah. Nobody to
joke around with.

Yeah, nobody to make
fun of me.

You wanna bet, mr. Goodyear?

[Knocking on door]

Hi, shirley.
Hi, guys.

Hi, shirl.

I figured you all
would be here.

Hey, why aren't you at work?

Oh, they gave me
the afternoon off.

On your first day?
What a soft job.

Well, tell us all about
your first day.

There's nothing to tell.

What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

You mean they're paying you
to do nothing?
That's right.

They got any more openings?

Yeah, you can have my job.
You qualify.

Why?

The only reason they hired me
is because I'm black.

Even rerun could get
a job like that.

Are you sure
that's the reason?

Mmm-hmm. Listen,
I sat at my desk all day

And watched another
new secretary do my job.

Look, they need me
like kojak needs afro-sheen!

Don't knock it.
It's a dream job.

Rerun, I want to earn my pay.

That's dumb.
Just take the money.

Back off, rerun.
Show some respect
for a person.

Shirley is right.

Oh, shirley,
you have a real problem

'Cause you can't go back
to the soda shop.

Yeah. Rob was fuming
hours after you left.

He couldn't handle it
without you.

Yeah. I got a job
where they don't need me

And where they need me
I don't have a job.

And all you wanted
was a chance
to prove yourself.

Well, you still have a job,
so you still have
a chance. Right?

Yeah, that's true.

Look, I don't know
about the rest of you,

But I've got
my own life to lead.

So let's just settle this
once and for all.

Shirley, you're going
back to work first thing
tomorrow morning

And show them who's who,

Because that's the only thing
a self-respecting person
can do.

Period. End of discussion.

You know something?
She's right,

And that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

It's amazing.

Everything sounds
so simple coming from
the mouth of a child.

Then how come
you didn't say it?

Yes, and then type
this letter for mr. Ramsey.

It's very important.
Right.

[Clears throat]

Uh, I finished
watering the plants.

Already?

Well, there's only 3,
and one of those
is plastic.

Shirley,
huh?

You deserve a break.

I thought I was on one.

Shirley, just because
you're not doing anything

Doesn't mean you don't have
anything to do.

You are a very,
very important part
of this company.

Oh, I'm, uh,
important to this company?

Well, why am I important
to this company?

Uh, because you have
a--a very special quality.

What?

You--you are different
around here.

You're--you're...unique.

How?

Don't make me
say it out loud.

Say what out loud?

You're black.

Lil, lil, lil.

I won't tell anyone
if you won't. Ok?

Um.
All right?

Uh, shirley,
hm?

Uh, why don't you
cover the phones, and...

I'm going to go
to the ladies' room.

Take your time.

Ok, bozo.
Let's show these clowns
what we can do.

sh**t. I ain't no slouch.
They think I am.

I know I'm good, yeah.

I'm going to
show them, all right,

That the girl
knows what she's doing!

They kinda think I don't know,

But I know. And I'm gonna
tell 'em I know.

[Phone rings]

Hello, ace balloon.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Of course
we have duck balloons.

Check our catalogue.
It's model a41.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Buy a duck
and we'll send you the bill.

[Laughing]
did you get it?

Hello?

I thought it was funny myself.
Didn't you, bozo?

[Phone rings]

Hello. Ace balloon.

Mmm. Yeah, they hold water.

Yeah. Oh.

Ok, that's 500 balloons

To the kappa alpha fraternity
at the college.

Having a big
water balloon fight, huh?

Yeah. Yeah. Ok.

[Phone rings]
uh, hold please.

Ace balloon.

Yeah, they hold water.

Mmm-hmm. Ok.

Now, that's 800 balloons
to the beta phi fraternity.

Hey, aren't you
across the street
from the kappas?

That's what I thought.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Ok, bye.

You still there, kappas?

Child, have I got
some news for you.
Mmm-hmm.

Well, listen,
the betas just ordered
800 balloons.

You better make that 500 more.

[Laughs]
I thought so.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Bombs away.

Shirley, where are
helen and lily?

Oh, they'll be right back.
Didn't they hear
the phone ring?

Oh, it rang 3 times,

And I took 2 orders,

And I typed this letter.

Uh, have helen
clean it up, ok?

Shirley, that's not bad.

It's not good,
but it's not bad.

George, listen, now we've
really got to do something--

Where is everybody?

Don't worry, mr. Davis.
Shirley's here.

Oh, I know.
But shirley can't--

How would you know?
You never gave shirley
a chance.

What do you mean?

Here, now, I'll tell you
what I mean.

Um, this is private
between me and him, ok?

Oh, yes, sure.
Right. Yeah.

Shirley, what is it?

The only reason
you hired me
is because I'm black.

Oh, now--now
that's not true.

Well, let's put it this way.

Would you have hired me
if I was white?

Well, to be perfectly honest,
I never really gave it
any thought.

Oh, don't hand me that.

Uh, shirley,

So you weren't
the best one for the job.

But I thought
I was doing you a favor.

Do me a favor.
Don't do me any more favors.

See, all I wanted
was a fair chance.

That's the only reason
I came back here today.

Shirley, we tried to hire
a qualified black person,

But we couldn't find any.

If you take the time,

You'll find black people
who can do anything.

Shirley, what exactly
are you saying?

What I'm saying is
you can take your job

And file it under "b."

"B" for balloons?

No, bigot.

See you, bozo.

This self-service system
is the worst.

Hmm.
It sure is.

What number
you got, raj?

17.

Hey, I ordered before you.

How come rob gave me 21?

That's because I have blue 17,
that's a cold sandwich.

You have red 21,
that's a hot meal.

I got a brown 14.
What does that mean?

That means rob spilled gravy
on your ticket.

Oh.

Hi, guys.
Hey, shirley.

Hi. Hi, fellas.

[All]
hey, shirl!

Hey, shirley. How did it
work out at the job?
I quit.

You quit the balloon company?

Yeah, I just let the air
out of the president.

Number 11, red!

What-- what's going on here?

Oh, rob had
the brilliant idea

To turn this place into
a self-service restaurant.

Well, how long have
you all been waiting?

We've been waiting 45 minutes
for our order.

Yeah, I could've been home
for dinner and back
by this time!

Oh, yeah?

Well, I think I can fix
that up in a hurry.

What are you doing?
You still haven't told us
what happened.

Oh, later. Ok, enough of this
take-a-number jazz.

What's it gonna be?

Shirley, what are you
doing here?

Now you quit
and that's it.

But now, rob,
you have the chance
to take her back.

That's right. As you can see,
your self-service idea
isn't working out at all!

I don't care.

Now look, shirley.
Hmm?

Nobody tells me off
and expects me to forget it.

Now, I have my pride.

Well, I got my pride, too.

You think it's easy for me
to come back here
and ask for my job back?

Now maybe
I shouldn't have quit
without a notice,

But maybe
you should have understood
why I did it.

Ok, so I admit
that I need you,

But you need me, too, rob.

'Cause I'm the best waitress
this side of town.

And that's a pretty
good thing to be.

That's right. All right.

That's the trouble
with you, shirley.

What?

You're always talking
when you should be working.

Well, I'm working,
I'm working.

[All cheering]

Hey, shirley,
get me a double...

Raj, when you get finished
with your math homework,
can I see it?

I'm not gonna let you
see my answers.

I don't want
to see your answers.
Good.

I have to see your answers.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

What's happening?

[Both]
hey, rerun.

Hey. How about going
to the soda shop later?
I'm buying.

Wh-what's with you?

You look like the cat
that just swallowed
the canary.

A whole flock of canaries.

Guess what I got
on my history composition.

You got a "d"?

A "c"?

A "b"?

Wait a minute,
that only leaves...

[Both]
an "a"?

Ah, rerun.

Hey, that's fantastic.
Who wrote it?

I did. My teacher said
I could write about
any event in history.

So I decided to write
about the most fabulous hero
in world w*r ii:

Marvin watson.

Marvin watson?

Sure. I wrote how
marvin watson, alone,

And without anyone knowing,
saved an entire town

And was the
greatest unsung hero
in world w*r ii.

That got an "a"
from your teacher?

Well, who do you have
for history?

Marvin watson.