01x16 - The Boarder

[bunniefuu]

Where is he?

I don't know.
He's an hour late
already.

I know.

Are you ready
to order yet?

No, we're gonna wait
for raj, shirl.

Well, you got 5 more
minutes, then I gotta
throw you out, dwayne.

Why me and not rerun?

Well, I don't throw him out,
I roll him out!

Hey, hey, hey!
What's happenin'?

Well, how's it going, raj?

Well, it could be better.

I guess you didn't rent
dee's room yet, huh?

No. We interviewed
everybody.

I never thought
it'd be this tough
to find a boarder.

What happens if your mama
can't raise the money
for those extra taxes?

I guess I'll just
have to get a job.

You know she won't
let you work.

I know, but we're
really down, dwayne.

My brother dewey
is looking for a partner
in his new business.

Oh, oh. What kind of
a racket is it this time?

It's not a racket, raj.

He's just cashing in
on the tourist trade
in hollywood.

Everybody wants to know
how the stars live.

That's no good.
Hollywood is
loaded with people

Selling maps to
the stars' homes.

"Maps," yes, but
what about blueprints?

Hey, you guys, did you
get the latest edition
of the school newspaper?

Check out this headline
I came up with.

"Basketball star crushed!

"Jerome 'hook shot' davis
was crushed

When his girlfriend
broke up with him."

Yeah, you're some
great editor, marvin.

Hey, thanks, man!
You guys want a newspaper?

No, thanks.
I'll pass.

This is no newspaper.

What do you mean?

Oh, come on,
there must be better things

To write about
than who's dating who

And what the new
pom-pom girls are wearing.

Cheerleaders like
their name in print.

How do you know?

They have ways
of showing their appreciation.

Oh, you're
sellin' out, marvin.

But the price is right!

Marvin, you're not dealing
with any of the issues
of the day.

What issues?

Taxes, inflation,
old age, unemployment.

That's what a paper's
supposed to be about.

All right, tell you what.
You guys write an article

About all that
and I'll print it.

Deal?
Deal.

Good luck.
Deadline is friday at noon.

Ok?
You got it.

All right.

Hey, how about that,
guys, we're reporters.

Let's go, let's go.
What is it gonna be?

Shirley, we're doing
an article on inflation.

Can we ask you a question?

Sure.

How'd do you get
so inflated?

[Laughing]

What you
laughing at?

What's so funny, huh?
You hear something funny?

Mmm-mmm.

What?
Did I hear something?

No!
No.

Hi, dee.
Hi.

Hey, dee.

Where's mama?

Upstairs, showing my room
to some man named mr. Simmons.

Oh, is he ok?

How should I know?
I'm no doctor.

Dee, don't be so mad.
We need the money.

You might like
sleeping with mama.

What are those?

Dietetic pretzels.

How can pretzels
be dietetic?

Easy. You can't have any.

Watch it, dwayne!

I'm so glad you
liked the room,
mr. Simmons.

It was perfect.

This is my son, roger,
and his friends.

How do you do?

How do you do?
Oh, excuse me.

We're writing an article
on the economy
for our school paper.

Are you as underprivileged
as you look?

What?

[Mama]
dwayne!

And now,
if the kitchen is adequate,
I'm prepared to move in.

Right this way, mr. Simmons.

Everything looks cool, raj.

I hope so, rerun.

[Mr. Simmons]
does the water come out
of the faucet cold?

I love cold water.

[Mama]
try it.

[Water gushing]

[Mama gasping]

[Mama]
oh, mr. Simmons!

Oh, mr. Simmons, i...

I'm terribly sorry,
mr. Simmons.

I like cold water,
but not in my pants!

Mama, what happened?

The pipe burst.

Oh, no, come on
dwayne, rerun.

Um, mr. Simmons, um,
we'll fix the pipe--

Oh, no, no.
Today, it's the pipe,
tomorrow, the roof.

Are you going to
take the room?

No, I am not going
to take the room.

Good!

Now would you
please leave because

You're dripping
all over the rug.

Gladly.

Well, we shut off
the valve, mama.

I guess, I better call
the plumber.

Ah, hold it, raj.

We don't have any money
to pay a plumber.

We could, if you let me
take that job down
at the supermarket.

Now, I've told you
a million times,

You're not taking any job.

Why don't I just call
daddy and ask him
for the money?

No way!

We never asked him
for any extra money before,

And we're not going
to start now.

But you can call him
and ask him to come over

And see if he can
fix it for us.

Ok.

[Dialing]

And, dee...

Yes, mama?

Be nice.

Ok.

Asking her to be
nice is like

Asking muhammad ali
to be humble.

Hello, daddy?
Yeah, this is dee.

Listen, the pipe just broke.

Can you get over here
right away and fix it?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, school's fine, but...

Yeah, roger's fine, but...

Yes, mama's fine.
Are you finished?

Then, can you come over here
right away and fix the pipe

Before we all drown?

[Water bubbling]

[Bill]
oh! Gee!

[Roger]
oh, rerun!

[Roger]
dad, are you all right?

Yeah, f-fine.

Boy, what's wrong
with you?

Huh?

What is wrong
with you?

I'm sorry, mr. Thomas.

Phew! Then why'd you
want to turn the water on

While I was under there
trying to fix the sink.

I was thirsty.

Thirsty?

Hi!

[Roger]
hi, mama.

Did you find out
what was wrong, bill?

Yeah, the garbage disposal
was clogged.

Well, don't worry
about it, daddy. We can use
rerun until it's fixed.

It's fixed.

Come on, rerun,
give us a hand.

Bill, I'm sorry
I had to call you.

Uh, I hope I didn't
put you out.

No, no, nonsense,
mabel. It's all right.

Besides, it gave me
a chance

To spend some extra time
with roger and dee.

Uh, look, mabel.
I'd like to help you out
with a few dollars, now.

N-no way.

What?

No way, bill!
Mabel--

No, no, no, bill.

I don't want to take
no money from you.

Mabel, I don't think
you understand.

Listen, bill--

I said that I would
like to help you out.

The fact is, I can't.

What?

I lost my job.
I got fired.

You lost your job?

Yeah, that's why
I was home when dee called..

"Home!" Ha, ha, ha,
that's funny.

What does that mean?

I'm going to lose
my apartment, too.

They raised the rent.

Poor daddy.

Hmm! Poor everybody.

You're out of a job.
We can't pay our taxes

If we can't find a boarder.

Honey, when it rains,
it pours.

Yeah, b-but
speaking of water,

I found this
in the sink, young lady.

It was clogging it up.

What is that?

It's a 5th grade
report card with, uh,



When did this come,
young lady?

Just now.

You'd think with all
the taxes you're paying,

The post office could
deliver it to the front door

Instead of sending it
through the plumbing.

I don't blame you
for being mad at them, mama.



You used to get as.

Now you get over there
and study your homework,
right now. You hear?

Yes, mama.

Maybe I can help us all.

I need a room,
you need a boarder.

No, bill.

Oh, mama, come on,
he's our father.

He needs and we need,
so why not?

[Sighs]

All right,
I'll put it to a vote.

[Both]
aye!

Uh, you're not in this.

Dee, come on back
over here, honey.

What's your vote, roger?

Yes.

Dee?

Well, you will be
staying in my room.

So?

I want it kept neat.

I'll keep it
as neat as a pin.

Uh-huh.

Got any references?

I was married
to your mother.

Not bad.

Ok, let's give him a shot.

All right, mama,
it's up to you now.

All right.

But just for a week,
and then we'll see
what happens.

[All]
all right! All right.

All right!

All right, for a week,
in advance.

Mabel, I'm just not one
of them guys from
off the street,

I was married to you.
You know me!

This is true!

In advance!

Yeah.

Robin, I know your father
doesn't pay rent,

But I come from
a broken home.

Yeah? Well, I think
my mama is trying
to glue it back together.

Sure he's nice.
He's my daddy.

But he's a man
and you've got to
watch them every minute.

I gotta go, our boarder
just came in.
See you tomorrow, 'bye!

How's my room?

Oh, it's very comfortable,
very comfortable.

I know it's comfortable.
I used to live there,
remember?

Hmm.

So, do you
want it back?

You paid for a week,
you still got 3 days to go.

Oh, and then?

And then we'll
discuss it.

Hmm.
"Then we'll discuss it." Well,

Don't I get a kiss
when I come home,
young lady?

You know the rules.
No messing with
the landlord's daughter.

Hi, dad
hey, son.

Doing your homework?
Just finished.

Ah, good.

Hi! Sorry I'm late.

I had to go all
the way over to
riverside drive

To get those ribs.
You know, the ones you like.

Oh, wow!
That's wonderful, mabel.
I'm sorry, but, um...

You can have dinner
with us, can't you?

Well, no I can't, i, uh,
I made other plans.
I should have said something.

Oh, come on, bill.
You don't have
to report to me.

Yeah, well, listen,
I'm gonna go upstairs
and take a shower.

By the way, I fixed
the showerhead. You won't
have to get a new one.

Hey, you know,
it's nice having you
around again,

As a boarder.

[Bill]
well, thanks.
I'm enjoying it, too.

Mama?

Mama?

Mama!

Oh! Huh?

You waiting for me
to cook dinner?

Now, I want you
to concentrate in school,
young lady.

The only "d" I want to see
on your report card
is your name!

Good morning.
Good morning, dad.

Good morning, bill.
Would you like to have
some coffee, or something?

Oh, no, I don't have time,
I gotta run.

Oh, well, I hope you find
something today.

And, by the way,
if you haven't made
any plans

Maybe we can all
eat together tonight.

No, I can't,
but, uh,

Maybe we can all do
something together
this weekend, huh?

Ok.
Well, I'll see you later.

'Bye, kids.

'Bye, mabel.
'Bye, bill.

[Door closing]

You got a crush on him,
don't you?

What if I do?

Trouble!

What do you mean, "trouble"?

Well, I had a crush on a guy,
once, when I was a kid,

And I was impossible
to live with.

[Roger]
oh, dee, let's go.

You're still impossible
to live with.

Get out of here
and go to school.
Go, go, go.

Hey, guys!

Hi, raj.
Hey!

Hey, uh, shirley,
I'll have a chocolate sundae.

And dwayne?

No, just a chocolate sundae.

Oh, that's heavy.

Bring me
a root beer, shirley.

You're sure
in a good mood.

And why not?

I got my homework
done for the weekend.

And I think I might be
getting a permanent,
live-in father pretty soon.

Well all right!
Get down, raj.

Your folks are really
hitting it off, huh?

That's right. Now if we
can just get my daddy
a full-time job,

Man, we're all set.

Well, hey,
why don't we find out
why your father got fired

For the newspaper article.

That's right.
What cab company
did he work for, anyway?

Red globe.

Hey, get 'em
on the phone, rerun.

Who made you
the senior reporter?

If you want 'em,
you get them on the phone.

That's ok with me.
I was just giving
you first chance

At whatever change
there might be

In the coin return slot.

I'm getting them
on the phone, dwayne.

Ok, one sundae for raj,

Thank you.

And one root beer soda
for dwayne,

And one buffet for
the buffalo.

Where did he run off to,
anyhow?

He's on the phone.

May I speak
to the manager?

This is
mr. Freddy "rerun" stubbs.

I'm with one of the city's
major newspapers

And I'm writing an article
on why you fired
mr. Bill thomas.

Now I want the truth
or I shall make an exposure!

What was that?

He wasn't?

He did?

Is that the truth?

Will you swear to that
on a 6-pack o' bibles?

That's "stack."

Right.

Ok, thanks.

Now, what was
that all about?

Oh, well, I can't remember.

[Dwayne]
what do you mean,
"you can't remember"?

Well, he talked so fast.

What did
he say, rerun?

He said he never
fired your father.

And I don't want to
talk about it anymore.

What else did he say
about my father?

Well, he said he would
never fire him.

He's the best man he's got.

And your dad called
and said he was on his way
to his apartment.

I thought he didn't
have that apartment
anymore.

So did i.

You're really upset,
aren't you, raj?

Yeah!

So, I guess you won't be
wanting your sundae.

[Knocking on door]

[Bill]
coming.

Coming.

Who is it?

Roger thomas.

Your son.

Y-yeah.

Surprise!

Come in, roger.

Why?

Sit down, roger.

Daddy, why did you
say you got fired?

Why did you say
you lost this apartment?
And why did you lie to me?

I'm your father, roger,

And a son does not
call his father a liar.

Ok, I'm sorry, daddy.

Why did you do the thing
that is called a lie

By everybody else
except a son to a father?

But I did not lie
to your mother,

I told her, uh...

An untruth.

Oh! Got it!

So, you told her
you were fired,
when you weren't,

And you
lost your apartment,
when you didn't.

Right.

I see. Hmm, for a second there
I thought you were lying.

I told your mother
an untruth,

Because I know
that she needed money.

And I knew that if I just
offered it to her,

She wouldn't take it.

So I pretended
that I needed a room.

Hmm, so that's why you were
hardly around the house.

You kept coming back here.

Right, and dating
and working and doing
all the things I always do.

Now, can you understand that?

Yeah.

Yeah, good.
Now listen, roger,

We got to continue to keep
this a secret from your mama,

Until she gets back
on her feet.

No, daddy.

What do you mean?

This is going to
really sound dumb.

Well?

Mama is kinda hung up
on you, daddy.

Oh, no. Really?

So it seems that we're
down to 2 choices.

Either you're hung up
on her, too,
and you come back,

Or you don't come back
anymore and we
tell her the truth.

Well, roger, why can't we
leave things the way they are?

Because she'd only get hurt,

And mama's had an awful
lot of hurting for a lady

Who never hurt nobody
in her whole life.

Oh, well...

You're right, son, i...

Well, i--i care a lot
for your mother,

But, um, that's about it.

Can you understand that?

Sure, dad.

Well, uh, I'll pack
your things up at home
and, uh,

I'll get them over to you.
And I'll explain everything
to mama.

Good.

Roger,

How can a young man
like you be so wise?

Heredity, daddy. Heredity.

[Both laugh]

On my mother's side.

Is that all you can
tell me, dwayne?

You have no idea
where he is?

None at all?

Are you sure, dwayne?

Dwayne, stop saying "uh-uh."

Here comes raj, mama,

Just walking along,
as if nothing happened

After he caused
you all that worry.

He's coming now, dwayne.

Thank you. 'Bye.

He's strolling along
as if everything
was all right,

And he wasn't gonna
be spanked and sent to
his room for a year.

I never said anything
about a spanking.

Well, there
you are, finally,

And thank your lucky stars
you're not my son.

Oh, thank you, lucky stars.

Where have you been, roger?
It's 5:00.

Yeah, sit down, mama.
I've got something
to tell you.

Here it comes,
snow job city.

All right,
where have you been, roger?

Mama, I've got something
to tell you and you're not
going to like it.

What is it?

You can get mad at me.
You can yell
and you can punish me.

What is it, roger?

But, it's final and nothing
anybody can say
can change it.

Raj.
What?

You're getting on my nerves.

Now, out with it.

I got a job!

What?

Now, I've told you
a million times--

A million times, you've told
me a million times and you've
been wrong, mama. Wrong.

Uh-oh, that did it.

I'm gonna be an only child.

That's right.
You're wrong, mama.

I'm old enough
to bring some money
into this house

So we can make
all our lives easier.

So we don't need any boarders
and dee can have
her own room back.

The kid makes
a lot of sense.

Oh, roger, I told you
I don't want anything

Interfering with your
homework and your studies--

And nothing will.
Instead of just hanging around
I'll be working

Part-time with the
supermarket. I got a job
there today.

But, roger--

It pays $3.20 an hour.
I work 3 hours a day,


That's $48, mama.

I'm helping. I help you
and that's important to me.

And, you'll see, it wont
interfere with my grades
one bit.

Now I'm the man of
this house, damn it,

And that's the way
it's going to be!

The kid's got
a lot of spunk.

Well, it look's like
my baby's all grown up.

All right.

But, we'll have to tell
your father he has
to move out.

I already told him.
I bumped into him earlier
and he understood.

And things worked out, anyway.
He got his old job back,

And his apartment
was still available--
he got that back, too.

Well, it looks like
we'll live happily
ever after, huh?

That's about it, mama.

Will you miss
daddy not being here, mama?

I guess I will.

It was nice
having him around,

But you know what?

What?

I know that daddy
of yours very well.

[Laughing]

He has his warm spells
and his cold spells,

And we can thank
our lucky stars

We had him during
one of his warm spells.

You can understand that,
can't you?

I understand.

I don't understand.

His warm spells,
cold spells,

I don't know if you're
talking about my daddy
or the weatherman.

[Typing]

Oh...

This is too hard, raj.

Maybe we should just
forget the whole thing.

Yeah, if marvin
wants to print junk
in the school paper,

We just
won't read it.

No, we've got to
write this article.

It's our obligation
to inform the people.

What's a newspaper for?

Training dogs.

[Knocking on door]

[Mumbling]

[Panting]

This the thomas residence?

Yes, it is.

Where's that room
you're renting?

It's upstairs, but--

Thanks.

Whoa, whoa!

Ah, 2:06. I'm gonna
have to work on that.

Uh, what are you doing?

I wanted to see how long
it would take me

To run up and down
your stairs.

I'm on the u.s.c. Track team.

Well, somebody must have given
you the wrong directions
at the starting block.

This is not
the u.s.c. Track.

Yeah, I know.

I want to rent
the room, see?

Uh, oh, yeah.
Well, listen, uh...

Dean.

Dean, well, the room is
not available anymore.

I got a job so we're
not gonna rent it.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, well, if you
change your mind,
call collins hall at s.c.

And ask for "rabbit."

If I'm not there,
try the poli-sci library.

What's poli-sci?

What's poli sci?

Hey, little brother,

Poli-sci is the study
of man's struggle
with the political machine!

It's the masses
versus the elite!

It's the puppet electorate
being manipulated

By the washington bureaucracy!

It's social studies, guys.

Yeah, that's right.
Later!