01x15 - The Firing Squad

[bunniefuu]

Shirley.

Hey, shirley!

Wait your turn!

[All grumbling]

Hey, shirley,
how about some service?

[Shirley]
I'm coming,
I'm coming.

Shirley, could you
give us our check?

Well, hold on, fool.

You ready to order?

Ready?
Are you kidding?

We gotta go!

Shirley, we've been ready
for 15 minutes.

Well,
it's good practice.

Practice for what?

For the next 15 minutes.

I gotta eat soon.

My stomach's
begging for food.

If I was your stomach,
I'd beg for mercy.

[Both laugh]

Hey, shirley, come on
and take our order.

All right.
What do you want,
dwayne?

Ok, let's see,
I think
I'll have a--

Shirley,
my change!

Right!

Wha--

[All chattering]

Uh, excuse me,
young lady.

You're excused!

One moment, please.

Hands off, turkey.

I'm sorry.
I'd like a seat.

You got one,
now go put it
in the booth.

Well, are you ready yet?

Yeah, let's--

Shirley, what's the problem
around here?

The problem is
I'm doing everything.

Serving, cleaning, cooking.

I'm a one-woman-restaurant.

You are a chain
of restaurants.

Don't mess with me
today, rerun,
I don't have time for you.

Where's rob?
How come he's not cooking?

Oh, he's down at that
restaurant supply place.

Oh. Well, let's see,
I think I'll have a--

Oh, miss!

Right away!

We blew it again.

Who does
he think he is?

We don't have any!

Shirley, who is
that guy?

I don't know,
but he must be a tourist.

He asked for a menu
without stains.

Can we order now?

Go ahead.

Oh, miss...

Oh, what?

Sorry.
[Shirley]
phew!

There's rob.
Maybe we can get
this place organized.

And decide what
you want, dwayne.

Huh?

Well, mr. Barnes,
what a surprise!

How are you
this fine day?

I'm fine.

Fine! And how are things
down at your fine bank?

Oh, everything's fine
down at my fine bank.

That's fine.

It's sure is a fine day
for approving loans.

[Chuckles]

Did I get mine?

Well, not quite yet.

Well, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing's wrong.
I just thought I'd drop by

And see how things
operate here on
normal afternoon,

Hope I didn't
catch you off guard?

Oh, no, no. I'm glad
you dropped by.

It's always like this
every afternoon.

Is it?

Oh, uh, yes.

Um, good business,
good service, good food.

Hey, shirley!

Would you take this,
uh, gentleman's order?

You would have
something, won't you?

Well, I would like to
take a look at a clean menu.

Oh, well, um, uh...

Our new menus are being
printed up right now.

We can make up
anything you want.
Shirley!

What?

Uh, would you, uh,
give this gentleman
anything he wants.

Ok, what'll it be?

Well, i--i'll have
a cup of espresso

And a tuna and
avocado sandwich
on stone-ground wheat.

You will?

Where are you gonna
get all that?

Oh, rob?

Uh, wh--what seems
to be the problem?

That waitress
seems to have
an awful lot on her mind.

W-what makes you
say that?

Well, she was a little rude.

And--and she gave me
a dirty spoon.

Shirley should know better.

I--i--i'll talk to her.

Listen to him.
He's complained ever since
he walked in here.

Forget about him, shirley.
I've decided,

[Rob]
shirley!

[Shirley]
now what is it?

Shirley, this spoon
is dirty!

Wait till you
see the kitchen!

Get a clean spoon!

No, no, you get
a clean spoon.

[All hooting]

See, I've been cooking,
writing orders,
waiting on tables,

Trying to make you
some money,

And you just
stand around
doing nothing,

Talking to that
pinstriped pest.

Uh...

I know it's hard to
get help, but, uh,
that's ridiculous.

Uh, yes, i--i know.
And I'd like to apologize
for her behavior.

It will not happen again.

Don't worry about it.

Here's your
clean spoon.

Anything else?

Yes.

What?

You're fired!

Fired?

Well, that's just
fine by me, rob.

Just fine.

Here!

I don't wanna work
in this place anyhow.

Ok, my man?

I don't care.

I'm sorry you
had to do that,

But, uh, I admire a man
who can make
those kind of decisions.

Oh, you do?

Yes. I'm impressed, rob,
really impressed.

Uh, I'll bring mr. Grayson
back tomorrow afternoon.

Mr. Grayson?

Our chief loan officer.

To check out
my recommendation

That we approve
your bank loan.

Hey, man,
that's fine. Fine!

It's going
to be a fine day.

A bank loan?
So that's who that cat is.

Yeah, no wonder rob's been
slobbering all over him.

Yeah, but firing shirley
because of him is cold.

Yeah, somebody
should tell rob off.

Yeah.

And it should be one of us.

All right.

Ok, who wants
to do it?

I'll handle it.

All right.
All right, rerun.

Rob!

What is it?

There's something
you ought to know.

What?

Tell him, dwayne.

Uh-uh.

"Congressional."

"C,"

"O,"

"N,"

"G..."

What a stupid word.

Hi, dee. Mama home?

She's in the kitchen,
fixing our dinner.

Mama, I'm home.

Hey, don't bother her, raj,
she's fixing our dinner.

Are you staying
for dinner, rerun?

Thanks for
the invitation, I accept.

Mama, throw in
another crop of potatoes.

Oh, hello, fellas.

Hi, mrs. Thomas.

Roger, you're home early.

Yeah we're not
going to hang around
rob's anymore.

Shirley got fired.

Fired! What happened?

Well, rob is trying
to borrow some money.

So the guy from
the bank came in today.

And shirley insulted him.

She should know better.

She didn't know
he was from the bank.

That doesn't matter.

A person shouldn't
insult another person
no matter who he is.

You should know that, fool.

Watch your mouth, dee.

She can't,
it moves too fast.

Was shirley very upset?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, she was
crying a little.

Oh!

Say, why don't we
call her

And invite her
over for dinner?

I'll call her,
what's her number?

Uh, I don't know.
You guys know it?

Uh-uh.

Call information, dee.

I'm not calling
any information.

Why not?

Because when you
call information

Some dumb man on
a record yells at you.

And you can't yell back
because he's on a record.

And if I want
to listen to a record,

I'm going upstairs
and listen to stevie wonder.

Why don't you
just go and look her up
in the book, roger?

Right.

Oh!

Now, what's the matter?

I don't know
her last name, dwayne?

Uh, no I just
call her shirley.

Rerun?

I don't know. Every time
we want her we just say,
"hey, shirley."

Maybe her first name is hey,
and her last name is shirley.

Why don't you just
go over to her place
and invite her?

Dinner won't be
ready for another hour.

An hour?

Rerun!

Come on, let's go.
Shirley needs us.

[Door slams]

Back to your homework,
young lady!

[Humming]

"Congressional."

[Knocking on door]

Go away!

[Roger]
it's us, shirley.
We want to talk to you.

Go ahead.

[Rerun]
come on, shirley,
let us in.

Ok.

[Both]
hey, shirl!

Did we
interrupt anything?

Not yet, but in 15 minutes

Billy dee williams
is coming over.

Hey, we're sorry
about what happened
this afternoon.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, but if that guy
wasn't from the bank,

Rob probably
wouldn't have fired you.

Oh, is that who he was?

Yeah.

Well, what'd you want,
anyway?

Well, my mama wanted
to know if you'd like
to come over for dinner.

I'm not a charity case...

Yet.

Oh, perk up, shirley.
Think of it as this way.

It's not the end of a job,

It's the beginning of
a new life with nothing to do.

Was that stupid?

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, shirl, is this
your graduation picture?

No, those are
my brothers and sisters.

All of them?

They better be.
They're the ones
I send money home to.

Used to, anyway.

Hey, cheer up!

Don't worry,
my mama will help you
figure out something.

Now, come on,
let's go.

Come on.
All right!

We'll wait outside,
while you change.

Hey, no. She looks fine
just the way she is.

And besides, we don't
have time anyway.

Unless you happen to be
the good fairy, dwayne.

Huh?

Then you can turn
this into a gown,

And this pumpkin
into a coach.

Well, I guess
I'll see you tomorrow, raj.

That was a great meal.
Thanks.

Hey, you're welcome.
You made my mama feel good.

'Cause she loves
to see people eat.

She should feel good
for a week.

She's a great cook,
your mama.

Yeah, she is,
isn't she.

You sure you don't want to
stay and talk to shirley?

No, man, my mama would
k*ll me.

I'm already
an hour late for dinner.

'Bye!

Oh, thanks for helping
with the dishes, shirley.

It's my pleasure.

No, it was mine.

Yeah, you got
off the hook
tonight, didn't you?

But the kitchen floor
still needs sweeping.

Handle it, raj.
I got homework.

Just a minute,
young lady.

Nah, it's ok, mama. I finished
my homework, anyway.

Well, all right.

You could
thank roger.

Yeah, I could.

Come on, shirley,
let's sit down and talk.

Come on, shirley.

[Groans]

Ooh, that's quite
a large family
you have there.

7 Sisters
and brothers. Mmm!

Yeah, and it takes
a lot to feed 'em.

Hmm! This is true,

Say, uh, how old were you
when your father passed away?

16. But don't think
that my mother and I
can't handle it.

Between us,
we've done pretty good.

I know. So, let's see
what we can do
to keep it going.

Well, I was thinking.
Mmm-hmm.

Maybe you can help me
get some work as a maid.

You know, just until
something else comes along.

[Laughs]

Honey, once you start
working as a maid,

The only "something else"
that'll come along
is another house to clean.

But I need work,
I got to send money home.

Well, let's see
what we can find.

Uh, let's look in
the classifieds section.

It's a waste of time,
mrs. Thomas.

I never
graduated high school.

I can't type,

I can't take shorthand.
I can't do anything.

Stop knocking
yourself, shirley.

There are a lot
of things you can do.

You've got a sharp mind,
and, listen,
you're on the ball.

You really believe that?

I really do.

Now, wait a minute.
Here's something.

"Make $200 a week,

Without leaving
your house."

Hey, wait a second,
mrs. Thomas.

Shirley!

I wasn't finished,
shirley!

Oh.

[Laughs]

"Sell real estate
over the phone.

"Need city license...

And car
to follow leads."

Ah, well! There must be
something else here.

Don't waste your time,
mrs. Thomas. I already looked.

Oh, don't
give up, shirley.

I mean, these days
there are lots more
opportunities for women.

You know
about women's rights.

Yeah, this morning,
I went right to work.

This afternoon,
I'm right out of a job.

Look, I'd love to start
this day all over again.

You know, I really
liked that job.

Oh, shirley, you'll see.
Something even better
will come along.

Here, shirley.

What's that?

$3.75.

I've been saving it up
for a rainy day,

But you might as well
take it

Because mama won't let me
go out in the rain.

Oh, thanks, dee.

But you keep saving
till you have an even 10,
then maybe I'll take it.

Thanks, mrs. Thomas.
See you, raj.
Thanks again, dee.

All right, shirley.
Now, take care.

Ok.

Take care,
shirley.

Oh.

Oh, sh**t!
Mama, what are
we gonna do?

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Mama, what're
we gonna--

Raj, don't interrupt mama,
while she's going "mmm-hmm."

That's it!

What?

Call rerun and dwayne
and tell them to
get right over here.

What are
we gonna do?

We're gonna try
the old, squeeze play.

What do
you mean?

What's the difference?
If mama and rerun
are doing the squeezin'

It'll work.

Come on,
shirley,

How long does it take
for a person to get ready?

I'm ready,
I'm ready,
I'm ready!

Good. Come on,
let's go!

I don't know,
raj.

This doesn't
seem right.

It is right.

It's my mama's idea,
and she said,

"Cesar chavez did it,
martin luther king did it,

And there's nothing
wrong with it."

Come on.

I don't know.

I feel sorry for rob,
a little.

Feel sorry for rob?

He fired you, and you
feel sorry for him?

Now, come on,
if this works out,

You don't have to
feel sorry for him, anyway.

Now, come on,
everything will be all right.

I don't know!

Shirley.

What?

You're really
getting on my nerves.

But dee--

Raj, dwayne and rerun
got the g*ng to do this.

Are you gonna let them
do everything for you?

I guess not!

Then move it!

Where is everybody?

Hello, dwayne.

Hi, rob.

Uh, what'll you have?

The telephone.

Hey, what's happening, rob?

All right, marvin,
what do you want?

The men's room.

[Laughs]

All right, rerun...

Tell me, uh,
how do you feel?

Starved!

I love it!
What'll you have?

Nothing, I'm on a diet.

The line's busy.
I'll call again, later.

♪ [Music playing]

Get down, rerun!

Hi, rob.

[Rob]
oh, hi! Hi, velma.

What'll it be?

That was it.

[Chattering]

What can I get
you fellas?

Hey, where's shirley?

Well, shirley
isn't here anymore.

Let's go!

[Music stops]

[Both]
hey!

Hi, rob!

Raj, uh, wh--what's
going on here?

Not very much,
as far as I can see.

Come on, kids!
Where is everybody?

Well, who do we look like?
Starsky and hutch?

What are you
doing here, shirley?

I came to get
a bite to eat.

Oh, all right,
what do you want?

May I see a menu?

[Clears throat]

Thank you.

Ah-ha, I see you got
a lot of delicious things
on the menu today.

Uh, can you scrape some off
so I can read the words here.

[All]
hey, shirley.

Hi! Hi dee and raj.
How are you?
Hi fellas!

Can't wait to see you
at your new place.

Good. I'm looking forward
to waiting on you.

W-what new place?
What are you
talking about?

This fork is dirty, rob.

What new place?

Clean fork, rob.

Yeah. What new place?

I got a job as a waitress
at the new place on crenshaw.

Yeah, and she starts
this afternoon,

And all the kids are
going over to welcome her.

I guess that's why
nobody's here, rob,
you know the g*ng.

I mean, shirley may
be a little wild,

Loud,

Brazen,

Impolite...

Rude and pushy.

And oversized
and slow.

And strong
and shut up, fool!

But the g*ng loves her.

And where she serves,
we eat.

And that's the way
it goes, rob.

I get a feeling that
you could be coaxed into
coming back to work.

Mmm, maybe she can,
and maybe she can't,

Depending on
the amount of the coax.

I'll give her just
what she got before.
Not a penny more.

How about it,
shirley?

"How about it, shirley?"

That's not my idea
of an apology.

Shirley, I'm sorry,

Would you please
come back to work?

Roger...

It's up to you.

Hit it, dee.

Hey, shirley.
Right on!

[All laughing]

[Whistles]

[All chattering]

♪ [Music playing]

Just like I told
you mr. Grayson,
packed!

I like it.

What do you want,
pinstripe?

Well, what do you recommend?

A new suit.

You know, you'd be
kinda cute in
the right clothes.

I like that girl.

She's just the right type
for a place like this.

Right, barnes?

Uh, right, sir.

Uh, let's
grab a seat.

Oh, rob...

I'd like you
to meet mr. Grayson,
our chief loan officer.

I'm glad
to meet you, sir.

By the way, mr. Barnes,
about shirley--

I like that girl!

She's the right
type of waitress
for a place like this!

Oh, I thought you would
have a seat, please.

Hey, shirley!

One minute!
Now, what do you want?

Shirley....

I'll be right back.

Get these fine gentlemen
anything they want.

Oh, come on,
what'll you have?

How's the fish today?

How do you think it is?

Dead!

Shirley!

How's your homework
coming along, dee?

Fine. Ask me how
to spell "congressional."

Ok.

How do you spell
"congressional"?

I don't know.

[Knocking on door]

Come in!

[Mama]
hi, shirley!

Hi, mrs. Thomas.
Raj in?

Oh, they're all
upstairs.

Hey fellas!
Come on down.
Shirley's here.

How's work,
shirley?

Great, dee.

Terrific! I'm happy
to hear it.

[Dwayne]
hey, shirley!

Hi, shirley!

How're you
doing, shirley?

Listen...

I just wanted to thank you,
and to give you a present.

A present?
You didn't have to go
and get us a present.

Yeah, and besides,
you didn't even get a raise.

So, why are you throwing
your money around?

It didn't cost me a penny,
I negotiated for it.

What is it, shirley?

There it is!

Rob's new menu.

So, what kind of
a present is that?

Open it up and
look under sandwiches.

"Rob's special sandwiches.

Number one, the roger."

[Laughs]

They named
a sandwich after me?

Sure did.

"The roger, a thin slice
of meat and nothing else."

Hey, that's
my roger, all right.

"Number 2,
the dwayne."

What's a "dwayne"?

"A little chicken."

That's me!

And this one
is perfect!

"The rerun"!

Yeah, "the rerun."

Hey, what's
a "rerun sandwich"?

"The rerun, 2 thin slices
of whole wheat bread,

"A leaf of lettuce,
a touch of margarine,

And a slice of tomato
stuffed into a barbecued pig."