02x06 - The Big Day

[bunniefuu]

♪ The Ketchup Song
by Las Ketchup ♪

All right, stop,
let's stop the music.

All right, guys,
we'll leave that there.

Liam, quick word, mate.

Erm, look, man, I know you got a few
moves wrong just then

and there's not really any more
time to rehearse now,

but you'll get it down before
tonight, buddy. Don't worry.

Yeah, I know I will.
I'm not worried, so...

Look, how are you feeling
about the fact that...? You know.

What?

Jess is going to be here today.

Jess, Jess...

Your ex.

Oh, that Jess! Oh,
is she coming to the wedding?

Oh, right. She's one of the
bridesmaids. I told you that.

Did you? I must have forgotten.

Ah, well, it'll be nice to see her
anyway. Good to... Just...

...don't do anything weird
on my wedding day, man.

I totally understand, mate.
Course, honestly.

I'll be fine. Right, let's go again.

I've got the fire in me belly now.
Come on!

It's not really about having
fire in your belly,

it's just waving one hand over the
over continuously for six beats,

ideally in time with the rest of us.

Let's go! Get in position.

Here we go!
Here, I need a proper word with you.

I want you acting normal today,
yeah?

Whoa, whoa...
don't touch Rachel's bear!

Bear? It's a dog, innit?

No, it's a f*cking bear.

I told you it were a dog.

Craggy, call it a dog one more time
mate, I f*cking dare ya!

Ralph, what's gotten into you?
Too much ale, that's what.

He's had four bottles already.

What? It's Rachel's 18th,
aren't I allowed to celebrate?

So the dog's her birthday present?

It's a bear!

Rachel loves bears but hates dogs.

It's cos she got bitten on t'arse
when she were little by a dog.

Craggy, stop talking about Rachel's
arse when she were little.

It looks nowt like a dog!

You all right, Addy?

Oh, he's taken a vow of silence.

Why? It's Ralph's fault.

I had a word with him.

Right, I need a word
with all yous and all.

Tonight is the most important
night of Rachel's life.

Yeah? She's going to have her
whole family there.

She's going to have a vodka luge.

We're all going to have
to be on our best behaviour.

If I have to hear this speech one
more f*cking time.

So, yeah, I asked Addy if he'd not
be so chatty,

cos you know he's proper chatty
and that.

Just a... Just a polite request
and now he's being a d*ck about it,

he won't f*cking speak.

And, Craggy, I'm going to have to
ask you again, mate, stop making

snide comments about Rachel and
taking piss out of her all t'time.

Why, what's he been saying?
It don't need repeating.

I merely said that Rachel's
a stuck-up cow

and her party's going to be
full of posh wankers.

Nothing more than that.

Calling Rachel a cow
wasn't really on.

But to be fair,
on the posh/stuck-up front,

Rachel's family did have two cars
and one of those trampolines

with the big cage round it in the
garden,

so he was within his rights,
relatively speaking.

What? Is she too good to have her


like everyone else does?
She has to have it in a cricket club

with all f*cking posh shrubs
outside and that?

One more word about them potted
shrubs, Craggy, and I'll smash this

bottle across your face and f*cking
shove broken glass in your eyes.

f*cking posho plants!

And you, Liam. I know Katie's going
to be there tonight.

Rachel had invited Katy
to her party because...

They were best mates
when they were two.

Can two-year-olds have best mates?

I don't want you doing owt weird
Liam, all right?

I won't! I'm feeling good, man.

I'm not feeling weird
or nervous or owt.

It'll be sound!

Not to be one of those guys
who always lives his life

by Jack Kerouac quotes,

but there's this Jack Kerouac quote
I've always lived my life by.

"Accept loss forever". And clearly
I was really fulfilling that here.

Either that or I was just trying
to trick Katie into thinking

I had magically become a happy,
relaxed, well-adjusted person.

Probably the first one.

OK, the first bridesmaids are here.

You look amazing, wow.

Thank you. Look at you!

OK, and here's the first guest.

Kerrie, wow, looking gorgeous.

Aw, thank you!
So nice to see you.

This is Liam, one of my
grooms-people. Hey!

Hey. Where's Jess, then?
She'll be with Ellie.

I think a couple of them are still
having their hair and make-up done.

Ah, she's going to look beautiful.

Yeah, she's going to look amazing.

She's going to be like this
incredible blonde vision.

Jess isn't blonde.

Oh, I was talking about Ellie.

Oh, the bride! Oh, yeah,
your fiancee.

Oh, yeah.

She's just going to be this...

...amazing angel.

Wow, is that a vodka luge!

Yeah. Throwback, right?

Oh, the vodka luge?

Yeah, wow, can't wait to, um,
get me mouth round that.

The decorations are really amazing.

I know, I know!

Well, it was Ellie's idea
to go for a harvest theme.

Harvest, is it?

Oh!

Liam. Mm? Oh. Here.

Thanks.

More people arriving.

I walked into the party alone,
as the lads were arguing with

the taxi driver over the dog-bear's
arm getting stuck in the car door.

It was pretty quiet,
just a few close friends and family,

and... Katie.

You all right?
Yeah, you mind if I...?

Yeah. So you all right?

Er, I'm doing good, yeah. Yeah.

How are you?
Yeah, yeah, I'm all right, yeah.

It were a bit awkward
being the first one here.

Rachel talked to me for ten minutes
about the time

we went to get our Hib vaccines.

And I were like,
"I do not remember that, mate,

cos I were f*cking
one-year-old."

What the f*ck is Ralph holding?

Surprise!

A bear, apparently.

Looks more like a dog.
That's what I said.

Birthday present. I got you a bear.
You like bears, don't you?

What's happened to its arm?

It got caught in t'taxi door,
I think. No, can you, erm...?

Rachel don't look happy.

What's up with ya? Nothing!
That's ungrateful, innit?

Mm. Better go over and say hello.

Do you want to...?

Erm... yeah. Yeah?

Oh, hi, Addy. You all right?

I told you, we'll talk about it later.
...for a f*cking bear,
f*ck's sake. 25 quid, man.

Ralph, stop it!
Hey! Happy 18th, love!

Thank God, you're being normal,
unlike these lot.

What do you mean? Ralph's f*cked!

I aren't.
Craggy's got a condom on his head.

And Addy just blanked me on the
most important night of my life!

Well, he's taken a vow of silence.

Why would he do that?

Cos Ralph told him to.

Why?! I just asked him politely
to not be too chatty.

Idiot! It's awful nearly turning 18.

I just wish we could go back
to being two again.

Don't you, Katie?

Erm... yeah.

How's your mam?
She still got that Jack Russell?

No, it died.

14 years ago.

Oh.

f*ck's sake!

What has he done now?

Please, enjoy the ceremony.

Enjoy the ceremony.

You were quite... You were a bit...
It was a stag do.

I've never seen you look so green.

Hey.

Hey! You look stunning.

As usual.

You look lovely too.

Thank you. It's nice to see you.

It is! It's been a while.

Yeah.

♪ The Ketchup Song
by Las Ketchup ♪

How embarrassing can you get?

Pop music has become a pathetic
self-parody designed for people

who are terrified
of genuine emotion.

It's just a bit of fun!

What's gotten into you?

You're Mr Positive all of a sudden.

It's a party, chill out.

Do you want another drink?
Please.

Drink, Addy?

Coke? Diet Coke?

Fanta? Sprite?

7up? Lilt?

Ginger beer?

Dandelion and burdock?

Never seen him drink that in me
life. Yes!

I can't believe how much effort some
people went to with their videos.

I mean, it's like,
do you have a life?

Yeah, definitely.

Are you OK? I'm good, yes.

Let me give you one of these.

Please, enjoy the ceremony.

I'll catch up with you
in a little bit, yeah?

Hello.

I don't know, Ralph!

I'm just thinking about the way
you've behaved tonight

and I'm starting to worry
about the age difference between us!

Like, I'm 18 in two hours,
I'm an adult now,

and you're only 17.

I can't be going out with some boy,

a boy who an't even noticed
I got new highlights in my hair!

I had a lot on my plate
with that bear, you know!

Shut up about the f*cking bear!

Sorry to interrupt. There's your
pint, Ralph. Cheers, mate!

You don't need no more pints!

Right, you know what it is?
Ever since you've become nearly 18,

you've been bossing me around!
Bossing you...?

Is everything all right? Yeah.

Rachel just seems a bit pissed off,

but as long as Ralph keeps
a lid on it, it should be fine.

Look at the state of you!
f*ck OFF!

f*cking pathetic!

f*cking hell.

sh*t.

For me, CBT has been very effective.

You know, I'm somebody who used to
carry a lot of anger,

but now I have so many ways
for managing my anger that, uh,

effectively, erm, I'm a... I'm a
different person.

Is it effective for everyone? No.

You know, the mental health crisis
in this country is too systemic

for such a simple panacea
but, on a personal level,

I think there's a lot to it.

That's really interesting.

Thanks.

Come, next time, come.

Absolutely come, both of you, both
of you. I will. I absolutely will.

Aarrgghh!

I couldn't go back.

It was weird. I don't know.
It was tragic.

What did they do?

Nice wine.

♪ Sound of the Underground
by Girls Aloud ♪

You having a good night?

An hour or so later, things seemed
to be going pretty well with Katie.

When she went off to the toilet,
I decided to mingle.

Like your tie!
My brother's got that.

Maybe his is blue.
Anyway, it's nice.

It looks good on you.
Suits you more than it suits him.

My name's Tania, by the way.

You're Addy, aren't you?
I've seen you round Sixth Form.

Do you want a drink?
Another dandelion and burdock?

OK.

No worries then.

Addy, you can talk
if you want to, you know.

That's not who I am any more.

Craggy, what are you doing?

Getting a bit of life in this
stuck-up party,

that's what I'm doing!
Fancy a game of pool?

Cos t'only good thing in here
is t'vodka luge,

and we ain't even allowed
that till midnight.

Craggy, I-I don't think
you should be moving all...

What the f*ck even is this stuff?
f*cking Borrower food or summat?

Craggy, what the f*ck are you doing
with my buffet?

No-one's eating this posh shite.
I want to play pool.

Right, that's it. Craggy, get out.

What, am I not good enough
for your party?

Not upper-class enough for
Her Majesty's cricket club?

What you on about?
You were invited, weren't ya?

Not personally.

The invitation Rachel had sent out
had been addressed to

"Ralph and limited acquaintances"

and had expressly forbidden
guests from wearing chav gear.

Oh, what? Is it cos I'm not dressed
fancy enough?

No, Craggy, you're just being
a twat!

f*ck off, you posh tart!

Ralph! Why didn't you back me up?

I wanted a game of pool,
to be honest.

May I?

Hey! How was the mushroom tartlet?

It was absolutely divine, actually.

It's been such a nice day,
hasn't it?

What's got into you?

What?

Thank you, ladies and gents.

Ah, well.

Ellie and Ross asked me

not to tell any embarrassing
stories up top, so...

...well, I guess that's me done then.

You see, the way I see it is,

if cats were bigger they'd f*cking
bite our heads off.

Whereas a dog, a dog could be
ten-feet tall

and it'd still roll over if you told
it to.

Depending on t'dog, obviously.
You a dog or a cat person?

Sorry, you've obviously
got something on your mind,

so I'll leave you alone.

Wait!
He's taken a vow of silence.

Have ya?

Why?

Maybe people have made him feel
that he's too chatty.

And they're wrong.
He's not too chatty.

He's just chatty,
and that's a good thing.

You know, I actually
did that once too.

In Year Ten, I found out
that someone

had called me a chatty b*tch
behind me back...

♪ Come On Eileen
by Dexys Midnight Runners ♪

Hey.

Hey, I haven't seen
one of these in years.

Oh, yeah, it takes me back
to like 18th birthday parties.

Oh, God, yeah. A simpler time.
Yeah!

It's been good to see you
today, by the way. Yeah.

It's nice we can just hang out
like this after so long.

Yeah, definitely.
And I... Ooh, wait.

Maybe this isn't the right time
for this sort of chat.

No, no, it's cool. You carry on.
I was going to say...

Oh, what was I going to say?
I don't know.

I just kind of hope we can
kind of... keep it going?

Keep it going, as in...?
Like, keep being friends.

Cos I know that's never easy

and I sort of expected it would
be better if we just didn't speak,

for a long time.

But today has just been so nice.

And it would just be a shame for us
to lose contact altogether.

Yeah.

Do you f...? Do you...?
How do you feel?

Oh!

Erm... f*ck!

Sorry, you... you just seemed
so relaxed and happy

and I just thought you were
in the same place as me and...

No. So that was all a lie, really.

Like an act, a con.

f*ck! I don't know why I'm laughing.
sh*t.

I-I don't know what to say.
Do you want me to, to sort of...
try and...? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, so I don't want to be
friends with you.

Oh, O-OK.

Cos that's not how you
fit in my life.

Like, you're not that category.

It'd be like if I suddenly started
keeping my tumeric

with my herbs instead of my spices.

Like, I could do that
but it just wouldn't make any sense.

I mean, I'm shocked that you own
any herbs and spices,

let alone store them separately,
and... it's tur-meric.

Well, I've grown up a bit, I guess.
I've got t... turmeric.

I've got tarragon. I've got chevril.

Chervil. Chervil.

The point is that you fit
in my life as my girlfriend.

So if we're going to keep it going,
which I do think...

...that we should, then it has to be
that. And I'm not saying

that we could just go back

straight away to how things were,
but... Liam, I'm seeing somebody.

It's not serious yet—
I mean, it could be serious—but...

...I thought somebody
would have told you.

I should have told you
before tonight.

You deserve to be happy, Liam,
with somebody...

Sorry, sorry. OK, uh...

...ladies and gents, we have
a bit of a surprise for you now.

Erm...

Hang on, where's Liam?

f*ck's sake! Not now!

What's going on?

Get in position, man, quick.

♪ The Ketchup Song
by Las Ketchup ♪

♪ Move Your Feet
by Junior Senior ♪

Ralph, have you seen Katie?

These goat cheese tartlets
are delicious!

Cheers for helping me
clear up, Craggy.

Got to do my speech in a second.

You'll be brilliant, love.

You know, I shouldn't have
called you a stuck-up cow earlier.

You actually called me a posh tart.

Oh, yeah, that too.

Have you guys seen, Katie?

Erm, I think
she were over there somewhere.

All right.

You're not going to do owt weird,
are you?

No, what you on about?

I'm into more than just cars...
Did you know dogs have a whole load
of stuff to 'em...?

...I'm loving R&B at the moment.
They can be jealous...
I used to love hip-hop and dance...

Have you guys seen Katie?
She's over there.

Don't do owt weird, will ya?

Why does everyone keep saying that?

All right, everyone!

Thank you, thanks.

Erm, I just want to say thanks
to my mum and my dad

for organising the most important
night of my life.

Erm, I'm really pleased that
most people have made the effort

to look nice. Erm, there are people
here that I haven't seen

since I were one but they're still
really special... Sorry, Rachel.

What you doing? I just need to say
a few words. All right, everybody.

Sorry to interrupt, you know,

most important night of Rachel's
life and all that.

Happy birthday, Rachel.

I actually want to address this,
sort of, speech to someone else.

Erm, and I know that if I don't say
it now, I'll hate myself forever.

So, here goes. Erm...

...Katie, I know that I've been
friendly and relaxed

and happy all night,
but it's all been a lie.

I am, I am depressed without you.

I'm, I'm broken without you.

And I...

...I still love you.

Do you still love me?

No.

What the f*ck have you done?!

You mad b*stard! You do not kick
over a vodka luge at midnight

on the most important night
of Rachel's life!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

And so I ruined the most important
night of Rachel's life.

Though, to everyone's surprise,

she did end up having a few more
important nights in her life.

As for me, I never saw Katie
or heard from her again,

which still makes me
sad to this day.

One of the most important
relationships of my early life

completely trashed
in one senseless act of rage.

That was great. I mean it.

You don't have to say that.

Bye then, Jess.

I'll always love you.

Don't say that now.

We've still got four hours left.

I'll be seeing you on that
dance floor, won't I?

You've got to teach me
some of those moves!

All right, deal.
OK, I'll see you.

Accept loss forever.

That applies to everything in life,
but particularly relationships.

It can mean to lose somebody
from your life,

but I think there's also
a connotation there

of being a loser, the one who
loses, loss in a competitive sense.

And I think that that's what men are
conditioned to be most afraid of.

But if you can get past that fear,
of being a loser,

then you're truly free.

So I'm a loser.

So what?

Now, I'm free.

Where's your hat gone?

It was too problematic for my head,
so...

Do you fancy a dance?

Hm, well, I hope you've got some
better moves

than you just showed then.

I missed some
of the rehearsals for that.

Yeah, I know. It really showed.
Oh, did it? Yeah!

Ah, well, hopefully not everybody
noticed.

They definitely did.
It was kind of wild.

You were totally out of time
with the others.

If this was Strictly,
I would vote you off.

♪ Symphony No 7 in B Major
by Beethoven ♪

♪ Downtown hot spots ♪

♪ Halfway up the street ♪

♪ I used to be free ♪

♪ I used to be 17 ♪

♪ Follow my shadow ♪

♪ Around your corner ♪

♪ I used to be 17 ♪

♪ Now you're just like me... ♪