01x05 - Out of Sight, Out of Toon

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

- ♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
♪ Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Lucky] Well, only seven hours,
14 minutes, and 39 seconds

til I'm Bonkers-free for the weekend,

but who's countin'?

Hmm, second hand seems to be
runnin' a little...

[Bonkers sneezing]

[clunk]

Sorry I'm late, Boss.

I've been feelin'
a little under the weather.

[thunder]

Toons, always gotta make a big production
out of every little thing.

Sick, huh? [laughs]

Well now, you take a human like me.
Picture of health. Never get sick.

Germs see me, they run the other way.

Now, why don't we move your stuff
over there. Gotta sterilize my desk.

[inaudible]

Oh, yeah, gotta disinfect
these air molecules.

Standard procedure, of course.
Oh, one more thing:

Don't breathe within ten feet of me. Okay?

[sighs] Don't worry, boss.

I'll be okay. In three days.

It's just a little case of toon flu.

Oh! I had that once, and I got
the most awful ringing in my ears.

[Bonkers] It's been bad, boss, real bad.

I just haven't been myself lately.

Of course you wouldn't get tired
and listless, would ya?

That'd be too easy, wouldn't it?

I know it's hard on you,
having a sick partner.

You deserve better than this.

'cause even the best of the best isn't
good enough for my friend, Lucky Piquel.

[Lucky] Very nice.
Pull yourself together, okay?

Sure, boss, sure.

It's this flu. I'm sorry.

It makes us toons get all
emotional and-- [begins sobbing]

[Lucky] Wonderful.

The worst part is the attacks.

You never know when they'll hit.

One second you're fine,
and the next... arroogah!

Here comes another one.

Stand back. Make room.
Fasten your seat belts.

Women and toons first.

-[Lucky] Hello.
-[Toon] Hello.

-Who's this?
-[Toon] Who's this?

Would you get off the phone?
I'm on the phone!

Toons.

[chief] This is the chief.

I want you and Bonkers
in my office on the double!

[Lucky] Yes, sir.

[dings]

[dings]

Finally. What'd you do, stop for lunch?

When I have a... No, just a moment.

Gotta practice for the division
tournament, you know.

Oh. Oh! I have a case for ya.

Yes!

You a golfer, Piquel?
I need a good caddie.

Oh, the case!

It's from the missing toons bureau.

-No.
-Yes!

But quiet, now. I need complete, uh...

What is the word?

Concentration!

Oh, here's the missing party,
a toon by the name of Maggie.

She's so small.
How'd anybody know she was gone?

My point exactly. Poor little
thing just got overlooked.

Now, a studio executive's trying
to find her,

and she's nowhere to be found.

Bonkers, please. Don't start crying.

I'm not gonna cry.

I'm gonna...

No! Not here. Not now. Later, okay?

You find her and there'll be
a big promotion in it.

Piquel... where are you, man?

Already on the case. I like that.

[Lucky] According to my sources,

this guy, Ralph did some crime pictures
before he became a full-time,

small-time stool pigeon.

And since he is a toon and you are a toon,

I'm gonna let you handle it.

[gasps] You mean it, boss?

You would do that for me?

Even though I don't deserve it?

[Lucky] No emotions are necessary.

None at all.

Now, c'mon, copper.
I don't want any trouble here.

Know anything about this toon?

-What toon?
-That toon?

-That toon.
-That toon right there?

That's the one.

No, never seen her before. Never.

So, come down with a touch
of amnesiatic memory loss, have we?

Well, maybe this will refresh your memory.

[gasps] Bread crumbs,
fresh, tasty... yours.

Yeah, I think I remember
a little somethin'.

Maggie started out
in a small-town toon studio.

Always dreamed of bein' a star.
Came to Hollywood six months ago.

Last seen on 32nd street,
tuesday, 3:47 p.m.

You see, she had trouble hittin'
it big on account that she was so small.

It's a toon-eat-toon world out there.
And a little one like Maggie...

Well, she couldn't get
arrested in this town.

[screaming]

That was last Tuesday.

Since then, nobody's seen her
or heard from her.

[panting]

You find out anything?

-Yes, but I'd rather not discuss it.
-Why not?

[sobbing] Because it was the
saddest story I ever heard.

Oh, poor Maggie!

Poor, poor, poor little Maggie.

[bawling]

Yeah. I know. There. Yeah. Good.

It'll be okay. We'll find her if we have
to search the whole city.

[gasps] Did you see that?

What? Where? Was it Maggie?

No, no, my hand.

Correct again boss. That's your hand.

No, it's not. I mean, it wasn't.

It wasn't my hand.

[Lucky] Look, did you see that?

Whoo, cool trick, Lucky.

[Lucky] That flu, it's not
contagious to humans, is it?

Tell me it's not contagious to humans.

[Bonkers] it's not contagious to humans.

Of course not. [sighs]

Is that true, or did you say
that 'cause I asked you to?

-It's true.
-Which is true?

What was the question again?

Can a human get toon flu?

[Lucky] Why are you getting so big?

Boss, this isn't like you at all!

Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?

[ding]

[chief] Fore!

You wanted to see us,
my chiefly... chieftain... chief?

Oh yes, come in.

I wanted to check on the progress
you and Pickerel are making.

Um, Sir, the name is Piquel.

Pickerel is a fish.

[chief] Fish? Yes! Had dinner
with mother last night.

She makes a remarkable salmon croquette.

Makes it with ground beef.

Now, about your case.

Um, yes, Sir, we...

Ow!

Or was that meat loaf she made?

Wonderful woman, at any rate.

Now, you were saying?

Where did he go?

I believe he's calling his mother.

Your story touched him deeply.

Ow! [grumbling]

Lint ball, Sir. Under your desk.

Wouldn't want ya
to trip over that, no, Sir.

Very thoughtful.

Now, about the case.

Well, sir, we've made a
preliminary search of the area--

[high pitched voice]
you mentioned she was last seen.

And we only have another 500
square miles to search.

It is of utmost importance that you locate
her and get this envelope to her.

Now, stand back.

I need swinging room!

[Lucky] Aah!

[Lucky] Ow! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Is that understood?

Uh, where'd he get off to now?

Uh, right here, Sir, Chief.

Oh, tried to give me the slip, huh?

[giggles] Well, I like that
in a detective.

Good work, detective.

[Lucky] Bonkers, do something.

What should I do? What should I do?

A doctor. Call me a doctor!

Okay, you're a doctor. Sheesh!

[chief] Men, I want results,
and I want them...

[chief] Fore!

[glass breaks]

Well, who put that window there?

Come on and have a seat up here,
Mr. Piquel.

We're gonna getcha checked out.

And I'm sure everything
is gonna be just...

[gasps]

Oh, my! I can't believe it!
This is just terrible!

What? What is it? What's the matter?

My watch stopped.

Now, you don't have to worry
about that toon flu,

unless you're human and your
last name starts with a "P."

Oh, isn't that great?
You're gonna be okay, Mr. P-quel!

Yeah, I'm gonna be okay! I'm gonna--

unless my last name starts with a what?

No, no, no. With a "P." It's all right
if your name starts with a "What."

A "P"? I see.

In that case, you got three days
to get cured, or poof!

You're gonna be a permanent toon.

Oh my! Look at the time.

I thought your watch was broken.

No, no, this one's broken.

I got more time on my hands
than I know what to do with!

[laughs]

Well, I'll be seeing you.
Got a vacation booked in Tunisia.

Now, here's a list of 600 possible cures.

You find the right one within three days,
and everything's gonna be hunky-dory.

You don't, and you're gonna be buying
a new wardrobe.

Until then, au revoir.
That's french for auf wiedersehen.

I got three days to find a cure.

And that quack's goin' on vacation.

Don't worry boss.

All's we gotta read is redo
this list, and... uh-oh.

What is it? His handwriting!

I can't read his handwriting.

Wait a minute, doc. Come back!

[normal voice] Three days, 72 hours,
and then I'll be a

[Lucky in toon voice] ...toon permanently.

This is your fault.

You sneezed on me. You gotta help me.

Not to worry, boss. The answer to your
problems is just a phone call away.

[ring]

This is Bonkers.

No, I'm Fall-Apart. You're Bonkers.

You must have the wrong number.

I need to see you. It's an emergency!

Him? He's the answer?

Fall-Apart comes
from a long line of doctors.

Well, actually, his uncle played
a pharmacist in a commercial.

Yeah, I'm a whiz at that doctor stuff.

Doesn't take a brain surgeon
to tell ya that, huh?

[gasps] why didn't you call me sooner?

This man looks awful. Oh!

Oh! I better give him
mouth-to-mouth perspiration.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Not that rabbit, not this mouth.

Look, all I want to know is,
can you read this?

Why, of course, I can.

I could read that with my eyes closed.

Let me go get my glasses.

[burps] Oh, excuse me.

Never could read on an empty stomach
or sleep on one either.

Now, why did I call you two here?

Fall-Apart, please, please,
my life is in your hands.

Did those words come out of my mouth?

You have to read this list
and find the cure for toon flu.

What, do I look like Florence Nightingale?

Now that you mention it,
there is a slight resemblance.

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Why are you taking the nephew into this?

[monkey chatters]

My life is over.

[Lucky] Now, keep a safe distance
from my family.

We can't let them catch this.
You got that?

[Bonkers] Got it!

Just act like everything
is perfectly normal.

And if either of us starts feelin' funny,
we duck out. You got that?

-Got it.
-And until we get the cure,

don't say a word about this flu. Got it?

Well?

My lips are zipped.
Not a peep, not a squeak.

Bonkers is my name. Silence is my game.

I know when to keep my mouth shut.

You don't have to tell me when to--

Yum! Yum! This food looks
good enough to eat.

In fact, it's so beautiful,
that I think I'm gonna...

[cries]

No, no crying.

There's no reason to cry over a pot roast.

Honey, why are you sittin' way down there?

The centerpiece, dear.

It was makin' my allergies
act up. [sniffles]

Those flowers are plastic.

Yeah, and very realistic.

I believe they have plastic
pollen too. [chuckles]

[doorbell rings]

Saved by the bell.

I'll get it.

I found it! I found it! I found the cure!

You gotta stick his head
into a bowl of organic spinach.

Why didn't I think of that?

[Lucky] No, not again.

Look, a comet.

Where? Where? Where?

Why did you do that?

I was wrong.
It was just an alien spaceship.

[chuckles]

Hmm, Daddy,

is there any particular reason you have
a bowl of spinach on your head?

I thought it was my hat.

I suppose I should have
my contact lenses checked.

You don't wear contacts.

Of course not. If I did,
I would have known it wasn't my hat.

How you feel, boss?

Does that answer your question?

[sneezing]

Um, where's Bonkers?

He took the dog for a walk.

We don't have a dog.

Oh, wonderful roast! Mm-mm!

What is this unique seasoning?

I can't quite place the taste.

Salt.

Amazing!

You should open a restaurant, hon.

[doorbell rings]

This time, I got it for sure.

You wrap him in towels and soak his feet
in organic vegetable soup.

Fall-Apart, you're a genius!

Well, you don't have to get
personal about it.

You know, darlin', you and Bonkers
are actin' very peculiar.

Is everything alright?

Alright? Of course everything's alright.

What makes you think
that there's anything wrong?

[Fall-Apart] You tried pouring
cherry cobbler down his pants?

[Bonkers] Check.

[Fall-Apart] Putting rutabagas
behind his ears?

-[Bonkers] Check.
-[Fall-Apart] Mashed potatoes in his hair?

-Check.
-And nothing worked?

-Check.
-Okay. Then I'm fresh outta cures.

Don't worry, Lucky. We'll work through
the night if we have to.

No! No more cures, please.

My system can't take it.

[sighs] Besides, I don't think
there's anything that can help me.

Don't give up hope now, boss.

Wait awhile, then give up hope.

I'm goin' to bed.

I'll see you in the morning.

We can't let him down, Fall-Apart.

You have to find that cure,
even if it kills you.

Yes, Bonkers.

I'll do it. And if it does k*ll me,
I'll keep trying till I get it right.

Because...

what exactly was it that
we were talking about?

You know, sweet pea,
you must be losin' weight.

You don't take up near as much
of the bed as you used to.

[high voice] Yeah, well, I have cut down
on between meal snacks. Oops.

What's wrong with your voice?

[coughing]

[normal voice] Frog in the throat.

[clears throat]
Nothin' to worry about, though.

Oh, well, good night.

Night.

Oh, this is just great. There's no hope.
They'll never find a cure.

I can't let my family see me like this.

There's only one thing to do.

I'm just not the man I used to be.

I'm sure no good to my family like this.

They'll be better off without me.

Better get a move on if I'm gonna make it
to the end of the block by sun up.

Hey, boss, you a toon again?

Where are you hiding? Come out,
come out wherever you are.

[whistles] Here, boy. Here, boy.

[Marilyn] Whatcha lookin' for, Bonkers?

Who, me? I'm...

I'm just lookin' for your father.

[giggles] Well,
he wouldn't be under the cushion.

Somethin' wrong, Bonkers?

Please, no more questions.

I promised your dear,

sweet daddy I wouldn't say anything
about him being a little green toon.

Ow! I didn't say that. You imagined it.

You're havin' a dream.
Wake up, Marilyn. Wake up.

[gasp] My dad? A toon?

Oh, no! He's gone! We have to find him.

Bein' a toon ain't easy,
especially for a human.

Come on. He needs us!

[cars honking]

Hey, hey, watch it.

Gimme a break. Whoa! Hold on.

Careful where you're steppin'. Look out!

A guy could get hurt out here,

especially if that guy's
a two-inch-tall toon.

Aah!

[Bonkers] Lucky! Yo, boss, where are you?

Buddy! Piquel!

[Lucky] Yike! Ooh! Whaa!

[panting]

Yikes!

[Lou] Oh, careful Ed.
You almost stepped on a toon.

[Ed] He's a cute little fella,
isn't he, Lou?

[Lou] Yeah, he is kinda cute.

Cute? Who you callin' cute?
I'll show you cute!

Come on. You may have some reach on me,
but I got speed. I got moves.

Look ed, he's doin'
a cute little toon dance.

That tears it.

[Ed chuckles] I wish Ed
junior could see this.

I'll take you both on, one hand tied
behind my back! Take your best shot!

[screaming]

[splash]

Help! Help!

A lot of good this is doin'.
I've got a voice even dogs can't hear.

Climb up here.

[coughing, choking]

Whew! Heh heh. Thanks.

Say, do I know you?

Do you spend a lot of time in the sewers?

-No.
-Then I don't think we've met.

I'm Maggie.

You're the missing toon.

-I am?
-Yeah. I'm Lieutenant Piquel.

I'm a cop. Well, I was a cop.

Now, I'm just a little green
toon lost in a sewer.

Cheer up. You can't lose hope.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Daddy!

It's no use. We'll never find him.

In ten more minutes,
his three days are up.

It's all my fault.

I'm useless, good for nothing,
a disaster, a wipeout, a write off!

Well, somebody stop me.
I'm getting depressed already.

[Lucky] And, so, my partner, Bonkers,
comes into work sick with the flu.

Sigh. It's almost like
I can still hear him.

[Lucky] And he's sneezin'
his germs all over the place.

You know, Bonkers, I can still hear him.

You're right, Marilyn!

I'd recognize that squeak anywhere.

And, next thing you know, poof,
I'm two inches tall and green.

Boss!

Bonkers? Hey, we're down here.

Down here!

Fall-Apart. Throw him a line.

Okay. Two toons walk into a barber shop...

Aah!

Help!

I gotcha. I gotcha. Come on.

We're gonna make it. Let's go.

Daddy, is that really you?

I've been lookin' all over for you fellas.

[laughs] I gave you my grocery
list by mistake.

You're buying 600 groceries?

You must not shop very often.

There you are! I made a little goof.

It's only peoples with last
names ending with a "P"

who turn into toons.

Them what starts with a "P," well,

three days, and they're
right as rain again.

You mean, I was gonna be
all right all along?

I went through all that
anguish for nothing?

You got it, mate.

I'm glad you're back, daddy,

even though you were
an awful cute little toon.

Um, who's that, boss?

"Who's that?" This is Maggie.
She saved my life.

Oh, Maggie. I have somethin' for you.

It's a contract to star
in a major motion picture.

See? I told you, every cloud
has a silver lining.

[Lucky] Congratulations, Maggie.

Well, ciao for now, babe.

Have your people call my people.

Maybe we can do lunch sometime. Muah!

Uh, yeah, sure.

And, uh, thanks for your... help, Bonkers.

My pleasure, fellow toon, sir.

Do not say that ever again.

Why not? You were a great toon.

-I was not a toon.
-Yes, you were.

-Not in the traditional sense.
-You could've had your own TV series...

-Give it a rest, Bonkers.
-The Piquel, the Toon show--

Yeah, right.

Starring, Piquel, the toon.

That's enough.

[theme music playing]