08x03 - Tipping Point

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, what's
got sal dropping the hammer?

Why is q taking out the trash?

Aaah!

And which losing joker
will hit his tipping point

in tonight's punishment?

Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: Like a boss!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Q: Let's do it!

Today, we're at the office,
working as receptionists.

While working in this office,

we have to do and say
what the other guys tell us.

If you refuse anything, working
as a... as a receptionist,

you got to go to hr.

You just lose.
You flubbed that ending.

- I know.
- You did.

- That was terrible.
- Well don't use this take.

No, use this take.

You followed my lead.
You just messed it all up.

I'm going to hr!

- Here we go.
- Hi.

- How are you? What's your name?
- Hey.

- Suzanne.
- Suzanne, just have a seat.

They'll be with you
in just a few minutes.

Okay.
Uh, knock your pens
off the desk.

Murr: Have you ever done
one of these before?

They're so super-easy.
You have nothing to worry about.

- Oops. I'm sorry.
- It's good.

- Forgive me. I'm sorry.
- Sit back down. Sit down.

Sorry.

"Did they get your
emergency contact?"

Would you have an
emergency contact listed?

- Dolores.
- Dolores. Okay.

And relation is,
uh, family, friend?

- Mother.
- Mother.

"So this is your mother's
friend Dolores."

Uh, so it's your... your
mother's friend Dolores, right?

- No, it's my mother.
- Oh. Oh.

Is this your friend's mother?

No, my mother.
Just my mother.

Got it. Your mother
is friends with Dolores.

- No.
- What?

It's my mother's name
is Dolores.

- Oh, your mother...
- Is my emergency contact.

- I got it.
- It's my mother's name,

who's Dolores.

Uh, phone number for Dolores?

- 718...
- Yeah?

Joe: Okay. So you've got
the phone number, murr?

Why don't you just pick up
the phone and call Dolores?

Don't... don't even clue her in

until you go,
"hi. Is this Dolores?"

Yes. Uh, can I speak
to Dolores, please?

- "Hi. I have your friend here."
- Hi, Dolores.

Uh, my name is James Murray.
I'm with consumer reports.

I have your friend here.
Her name's Suzanne.

Uh...
she's, uh, doing
a focus group today.

I just want to confirm that you
are the emergency contact.

Can you hang up?
Why are you calling my mother?

Uh. Uh. Do you... was it not
your emergency contact?

- It... can you hang up?
- Oh. I'm sorry.

Sal: Hang up on her!
Hang up on her!

Why are you calling my mother?

Uh, to confirm it,
certainly, no?

Oh, I didn't know
that that's what you do.

I'm just gonna wait
to be taken in. Thank you.

- Oh, great.
- Yeah.

"I'm actually going to delete
it, even out of the files."

You know what? I'm going to
delete it even out of the files.

Delete, delete.

Q: "I'm your
emergency contact now."

So I'm just gonna
put myself down...

As the emergency contact.

'Cause I don't want anybody...

Sal: This is amazing!
She looks like a wax figure!

Is some... can we just be quiet
until they call me in?

What's that?
I'm sorry?

Emergency contact
is... is...

Okay. Well, I took her out.
I put myself in.

And... and now
w-we won't talk anymore.

Great.
Knock the pens over.

Just knock the pens over,
and you're done, bud.

♪

Oh, geez.

Do you want me
to get it for you?

Well, I'm not supposed to speak.

Hey. How's it going, man?
How are you?

Oh, here you go.

What time did they
have you come here today?

- Uh, 5:00.
- 5:00?

"It's almost quitting time.
I got to pick up my daughter."

Oh, it's almost quitting time,
which is good.

I get to pick up my daughter
now at the school.

Describe your daughter,
but describe a horse.

She's in school
in the area or...?

Yeah, she does
an after-school program.

She's on the track team.

Oh, sweet.

Great, great runner.

Re... real, uh...
Real thoroughbred.

Um, give her an apple,
and she'll...

She'll run for like... for days.

"Bit of a long face."

She's got a bit of a long face.

"Great mane."

Her mane is just magnificent
when she's running. It's great.

Wait. Are you making a...
Do you have a horse, not a...

I'm confused now.

Well, you were saying
the long face,

the mane when she's
running, so...

He's explaining
our joke exactly.

- Sorry.
- That's funny, man.

So, what q doesn't know is we're
about to send some of the women

on the crew to be slightly
inappropriate with him

in the workplace.

- Brian? Hey.
- Hey, Steph.

Uh, I'm not gonna need
those copies for tomorrow.

Oh, good. I didn't make
them yet, so that's good.

But, uh, you looked adorable

when you were talking
in the meeting this morning.

"Hey. I need a real good slur
to call my white friend.

Do you got one?"

Hey. Do you know
by any chance...

Since I can tell
you're... you're cool.

Do you know any good,
funny slurs for white people

that I can call my friend?

- Call him a gringo.
- Gringo?

But that's basically, like,
someone Spanish calling...

Yeah. I don't want to culturally
appropriate "gringo."

A slur. "Culturally
appropriate" a slur.

- Wonder bread.
- There. That's great.

You like that, right?

Wonder bread. That's a good one.
Wonder bread.

That's good.

- Hey, Kristen. How are ya?
- Hey, Brian.

Just so you know, we're gonna
start one hour later tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Oh, great.
Thank you.

You're so cute when you smile.

I'm trying to get on Amazon
to order a toaster.

"My stupid wife threw our
old one in the bathtub."

My stupid wife threw the
last one into the bathtub.

The?

So now no toaster.

I just want to double check
you got the e-mails.

I got them.
Thank you.

You smelled really good
on the elevator today.

- Look at the guy!
- Look at the guy!

- What are your secrets, bro?
- Hm?

That's the third woman
that's walked in here

and has flirted with you
and walked away.

- You saw that, right?
- Three of them.

I just don't want
any part of it,

and I think they think
I'm playing hard to get.

Yo, Brian.
How's that d*ck?

♪

That's the only one
I'm interested in.

Joe: All right.
Sal's ready to work.

- Hi. How are you, sir?
- Pretty good. How you doing?

- Sal.
- I'm James.

- "How do you spell your name?"
- How do you spell your name?

- J-a-m-e-s.
- Mm-hmm.

And then Smith is the last name.

- Gotcha.
- Normal spelling.

"And it's j..."

And j... James?

James. J-a-m...

J-a-m?

E-s.
J-a-m-e-s.

- "J-ay-mes."
- gotcha. Okay.

So j-ay-mes Smith?
Smith.

Smith. Yeah.

Hello?

"I have
j-ay-mes Smith in."

It's, uh... j-ay-mes.
J-ay-mes Smith.

J-ay-mes.

Q: "All right.
I'll ask him."

Okay.
I'll... I'll ask him.

"The sponsor wants to know
if you're okay with nudity."

James, um...

Joe: "Hey, j-ay-mes."

I'm sorry. I have to put you
on a brief hold.

Joe:
Sure, we'll hold.

J-ay-mes, the sponsor
wants to know

if you're okay
with partial nudity.

Um, it depends.

It's gonna... it's gonna depend.

I thinks it's, uh... one
of the groups has a calendar.

Oh, I got no problem
looking at stuff.

- So it's like rating and...
- Oh, psh. That's not a problem.

I'm no prude.

You're no prude.
You're j-ay-mes.

Okay, so, we got
a little surprise for sal.

We do.
We have a friend
who's gonna come in.

Q: Here we go.
Here we go.

Sal, this kid's lost. We want
you to kick him right out.

Excuse me.
Have you seen my mom?

Out! Out!

Murr: "Were you good
in school, by the way?"

- Were you good in school?
- No.

I was in the principal's
office all the time.

"So, uh... so you wouldn't
then know, like...

So you wouldn't know...

how to spell
'uncircumcised'?"

♪

Uh...

How do you spell...
I'm trying to...

Uh, do you know how to spell
"uncircumcised"?

Joe: "Let me use it
in a sentence.

The receptionist here
is uncircumcised."

Yeah, like, I'll use it
in a sentence.

Like, uh...

"The receptionist
is uncircumcised."

Why would you need to know
that about a receptionist?

I don't know, but, yeah...

Murr:
This guy's great.

Sal, there's a hammer
back there.

Grab it.
And a bag of nuts.

- Walnuts?
- No, I'm good.

Just got to get my omega-3s.

Ooh.

♪

Joe: The whole...
The whole desk is going.

♪

Q: You look like
you're doing demo work.

♪

James, you look familiar.
Are you a new yorker?

Uh, only recently.
"Would you mind pulling

your shirt over your head
so I don't get sick?"

Murr: Ooh, ooh!

How do you... what do you...
Are you okay with a brief hold?

Hi. How are you, buddy?
Just have a seat right there.

That's great. Thank you.

Name?
Uh, Jose.

- Sorry.
- "Ohh."

- Ohh.
- "That wasn't a fart."

Well, that wasn't a fart.

Front desk.
This is Joe.

Yeah.
Can I take a break?

"Yeah, the horse has left
the barn already. I can wait."

I can wait. I mean,
the horse has left the barn.

"Whoops.
I did it again."

Oop.

♪

Hey, Sarah, you're not
going to believe this,

but there's a second horse
in the race.

That's right...
Two horses are just

running around the farm
right now."

There's just two horses
running around the farm.

Just get somebody down here
as soon as you can. Thank you.

Right behind the desk there,
we put a vr set.

Why don't you just throw that on

and play some virtual reality
around the room?

I'm just gonna, real quick,
escape into another world.

- "A better world."
- A better world.

Q: Why don't you just play some
virtual reality around the room?

I'm just gonna, real quick,
escape into another world.

- "A better world".
- A better world.

All right. Explore
that better world, buddy.

Oh, hello, Montgomery.

Uh-oh, Joe. Zombies.

Get some!

Get some!

Get some! Get some!
Get some!

Q: Oh, you're in
a haunted house!

♪

Joe, turn around.
Walk right back. Same thing.

♪

Be careful now.

What happened?
What happened?

- You look like Johnny 5.
- That looks like fun.

Did you ever have
one of these vrs?

- No, I've tried it before.
- You tried it?

Joey, pick up the bowl
of nuts there.

Q: How loud
can you eat that?

Nom-nom-nom!

Front desk.
This is Joe.

"99%, I blow chunks
in the next five."

There's a 99% chance
I blow chunks in the next five.

- Sal: "Who's chunks?"
- Murr: Chunks in accounting.

Who's chunks?
Chunks in accounting.

Q: Aren't you allergic
to almonds, Joe?

Yeah, it's fine. Because there's
no almonds in here...

I'm allergic to almonds,
but there's no almonds
in this trail mix.

Oop.
Wait a minute.

Somebody swapped...
Swapped the trail mixes.

"I got to... I got to
get to the hospital."

Throw on the vr set
and run down the hallway.

Bye. I got to escape
to another world.

Jose, you gonna be all right
for a minute?

Q: Joe, go through
the whole mundane task

of checking into
an emergency hospital room.

Hi. My name's Joe.
I ate some almonds.

I'll just have a seat
and fill out these forms.

Sal: And sit down
and fill out five pages.

No recent surgeries.

I'm not allergic to
medications. Almonds!

♪

There you go. I just wait
for you to call me?

- Go sit right next to him.
- Sit down.

Murr:
On the same couch.

Q: Start reading
a newspaper or something.

What are you in for?

Narrator: Sal couldn't make it
past the front desk,

so he's first up
on the loser board.

Today we're at
hill country barbecue.

And, hey, yo, check it.
We gots to use the bathroom.

We'll then take turns
exiting the bathroom

and bumping into a stranger
who's waiting to use it next.

Then we'll have to
convince the stranger

not to drop that two
or squirt that one

based on the reasons
the guys give us.

And if you can't get
that stranger to skip
that bathroom, you lose.

Also, sal just spilt a whole
bunch of chili on himself

and has been upset about it.

Chickity-check it.

♪

Murr: Ready, guys?

Joe: All right, murr.
There's two people.

I gave murr a little prop
to help us out.

Okay. Hey.

Hey. Oh, oh.
Um, don't go in there, guys.

"I just put the baby down
for a nap in the bathroom."

I just put the baby down
for a nap in the bathroom.

It's, uh...
It's the only restroom.

Murr:
Don't go in there, guys.

"I just put the baby down
for a nap in the bathroom."

I just put the baby down
for a nap in the bathroom.

It's, uh...
It's the only restroom.

I... that...
That seems like a problem.

You know, it's so hard
to get a newborn to sleep.

Once they're out,
forget it, so...

"She's so cute
when she sleeps."

She's so cute when she sleeps.

It won't be more than
a half-hour, fellas.

I mean, 45 min... the longest
she's ever napped

is like an hour or two.

It's so hard to get them to
sleep, and she's like an angel.

I don't want to wake it.

- Ohh!
- All right, Murray!

Q: All right, bud.

Sal: I'm actually
gonna pee for real.

Murr:
All right, sal.

- One second!
- Yeah, no worries.

All right.
Here we go! Here we go!

No. No worries at all.

I... I actually wouldn't go in.

"Because I will listen."

I feel all right.
Yeah.

But I wouldn't necessarily
go in that one.

Murr:
Get it out, buddy.

But, uh, yeah, you're
already gonna wait just based

on the merits of my performance
of "don't go in there."

I don't even have to
deliver the reason.

Thank you so much.

So you didn't play the game.
So that's nothing.

You... you actually lost.

Don't you dare take
that away from me.

The rules of the game are
you have to say the line.

He... he... he recoiled
after my introductory line!

You did not say the line
we told you to.

I actually see it
differently than you.

I thought I was so convincing...

Q: I'm not
even listening.

In being like,
"I wouldn't go in there."

You got to play the game.

The rules are
you have to say the line.

What's the matter with you?
What... what... what is going...

What's... what's...
What's really behind this?

I'll tell you right now,
I know the rules on my end,

but when I said to him,
"I wouldn't go in there,"

he looked at me and goes,
"okay," and walked away.

That's on him! I didn't even
get to deliver the reason.

All right. All right.
So sal's done?

Right... right after college...

Right after college,
I took some acting classes,

and I think they're just
starting to pay off now.

- Rotating.
- It's my turn.

You got the thumbs-up.
You're out.

- Rotating. Q's up.
- Come on back. Come on back.

- Come on back. Q's up.
- New game.

Sal: My goal was to get him
to not go in that bathroom.

- No.
- Rewriting rules.

Don't matter.
Rewrite the rules.

How is that rewriting the rules?
I defer to anybody in here.

You're supposed to say
what you had to say.

Now it's a new game.
I'm so surprised.

I thought that I delivered
the line with such...

You didn't deliver
the line, though.

Such honesty.
You didn't deliver the line.

I was a raw...
You never delivered the line.

I was like,
"I wouldn't even go in there."

Unbelievable.
This guy...

I'm just saying
I didn't even get a chance

to tell the guy the reason
because he left because
my acting was so good.

- Here we go.
- Yep.

♪

Aaah! Let's do it!
Let's go!

I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.

That's it! That's it!
Q wins!

Didn't have to say a line.

- His performance...
- His performance...

Sal: Anybody watching
will agree

that that was not in the spirit
of the competition.

I did not premeditate
some big extravaganza

to make the guy get scared.

- Is it my turn?
- Yeah.

I wouldn't...
I wouldn't go in there.

I wouldn't go in...
I mean, you know...

Murr: Where's your
shoes and socks?!

You put your bare feet
on the ground!

Oh, my god!
No rules. No rules.

Q: Thumbs-up.
Thumbs-up for everybody.

- That's it.

Narrator:
Sal put up a good fight,

but he's still
tonight's big loser.

All right.

Happy day.
Sal's today's big loser.

Yeah, so, today we've invaded
the coworking space jointure,

and you'll be playing
a delivery guy.

It's lunchtime, buddy.
Uh-huh.

You're gonna be delivering
people's lunches.

Gratuity is not included,

and no tip you get's
gonna be good enough.

- So...
- I have to tell them that.

- Yeah.
- All right.

I have experience as a delivery
person, but not as an as*h*le.

- It's delivery time.
- There he is.

Hi.
I'm the delivery guy.

I have a vest,
bicycle helmet, hat.

I have the cut-off gloves.

Joe: All right, sal,
so, everybody's lunches

are in this big bag here.

You're gonna go one by one
and deliver the lunches.

- That's it.
- The tip is not enough.

No matter what it is.

- Ah-ah!
- Ah!

- Here we go.
- Hey. Hi.

Uh, Jay, Julian, j?

Got it. Julian.
Got it.

All right. That's the
spicy chicken, right?

- Yeah.
- Got it.

- That's for you.
- Thank you very much.

- Thank you.
- Um...

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

Joe: Tip is not enough,
no matter what it is.

That's the spicy
chicken, right?
Yeah.

- Got it. That's for you.
- Thank you very much.

- Thank you.
- Um...

Yeah.
This is the tip, then?

Oh, thank you so much.
Appreciate it.

It's, uh...

♪

Yeah, yeah.
Everything's all right.

No problem. Thank you.
It was...

It's a little light on the...

- All right?
- Yes.

"The ol' 'next time.'"

the ol' "next time."

Q: Ohh.
That was rough, dude.

That guy gave me such
a nice tip. That was $5.

A $5 tip wasn't good enough.

- Hi. You picking up for Mark?
- Yeah.

Assistant or something
like that or... okay.

Do you have, uh, $2 change?

Joe: $2 change!

- Just two singles.
- Two singles.

- To subtract from that?
- Mm-hmm.

"So Mark really
needs these, huh?"

So Mark really
needs those, then?

Thank you.

"Can I speak to Mark?"

Is Mark around or...?

"Those two dollars."

Say it! Say it!

Maybe those two dollars.
I don't know...

Murr: Ohh!

Oh, okay.

- "So Mark's around?"
- "So Mark's around?"

So Mark's around or...?

Oh, my god.
That was so...

Q: You look miserable.

I'm sweating, and...
And my stomach is in knots.

- Here we go!
- Picking up for...?

- Uh, pat.
- Yes, yes, yes.

He's young. He's not
going to tip well, sal.

Pat. Here you go.
Appreciate that.

- Uh...
- Okay.

Uh...

It's just...

The gratuity.
This is gratuity, then?

Oh, so this... this is a tip?

- Oh, I understand.
- "Is there more?"

And it's all here, the tip?

- Yeah.
- Count it, sal. Count it.

One, two...

- "I'm glad you said it."
- I'm glad you said it.

I... I... it depends
on the decade. It's, uh...

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

All right.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

I... ohh.

Q: Ahh!

- This is not good for me.
- This is great for us.

- Oh, yeah.
- This was a great idea.

Can I tell you
what's happening?
Go ahead.

I feel my real-life Karma
plummeting.

There's a real energy
in this room

that I feel like something
is not good for me.

I'm gonna get jacked up.

I bet I get into a car
accident on the way home.

Don't you mean a bike accident?

- Hey.
- Oh, it's a double-header.

- Uh, this is francesco.
- Yep.

- And then Emily.
- Thank you.

Joe: "So, gratuity
was not included."

And then... so, gratuity
was not included.

- Oh.
- Go.

Let's just, uh...
Oh, thank you s...

- Whoa, whoa.
- Ohh!

Oh. Okay. Yeah.
Thank you.

So this is... okay.

Start bad-mouthing
the tip you got from her.

She only hit me with two.

- $2?
- She hit me with the two.

How much do I... I mean, here.

- $5?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- "Three better than her."
- Thank you.

Three better than she did.

- Hey. Let's do it.
- Ohh!

- Keep it going, sal!
- Thank you! Thank you!

Get another dollar Bill!
Get that other dollar Bill!

- "Looks like you can do seven."
- Yeah.

Hit me with...
Hit me... yeah, thank you.

Yeah, sal!

Thanks.
Thank you, sir.

"If you... if you
see Emily back there,

let her know how much
you tipped me."

If you see Emily back there, let
her know how much you tipped me.

- I'll tell her.
- Taking care of me.

I've got a stomachache out here.

We need you to turn it up
just a little bit more.

Joe: Let's try to be
a little more direct.

- Here we are.
- Here we go!

Hello.
Are you Ella?

- Yeah.
- All right. Here you go.

- Thank you.
- This tip's not enough, buddy.

- Let's be blunt.
- Thank you.

- This is a terrible tip.
- Is it?

Yeah. It's... it's okay.
You know, it is what it is.

- Oh, my god!
- Thank you.

- Ohh!
- Oh, my god!

- Oh, my god!
- Geez!

She was very, very sweet
and polite.

- Yeah.
- You weren't.

- Here we go.
- Here we are.

Hi. How are you?
Picking up for...?

Gotcha.

♪

- Thank you. Uh, Leon.
- Yeah?

"This tip is sh*t."

This tip is sh*t.

♪

Hm.

Joe: What are
you doing?!

Hm.

Q: It's so uncomfortable.

Hm?

Joe: He forgot his card, and
he can't get in! It's locked!

Oh, my god.
It's so weird.

You got a key-card...
Key-card issue?

Oh. Oh, gotcha.

"Did you leave the key card
with the rest of the tip?"

So the key card's probably
with the rest of the tip?

Q: That's it, bud.

Murr: He's... he's fleeing
the building.

Joe: You can go.

He's leaving his bag.
He's leaving his bag.

He's trying not to be able
to be recognized.

What delivery guy?