06x24 - The Party Crasher

[bunniefuu]

Narrator:
Coming up, what's got q
moving at a good clip?

Narrator: Why is murr
protecting and serving?

All right, sir,
I'm taking you in.
That's it.

And which losing joker

won't have a fighting chance
in tonight's punishment?

All: Ohh!

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Today, we're in the park
asking strangers

to help us cover our tracks.

While chatting the stranger up,

a person we've been
trying to avoid

is gonna enter the park
looking for us.

The catch is,
the ridiculous reason

we've been dodging them

is given to us
by the other guys.

If the stranger
doesn't cover for you,

you lose.
You haven't seen me.

Where's Joe?
He's right there.
He's right there.

♪♪

These pigeons, though.

They get super aggressive,
the pigeons.

Oh, Joe went to a woman.
This is perfect.

Sal: The actress
coming for Joe is, let's say,

she has one of the oldest
professions in the world.
That's right.

You see anyone
peculiar coming, Joe?

Yeah, I mean, the fountain
is my favorite part of...

Oh, geez.

Oh, okay.

See that woman
walking around the thing?

I've been dodging this girl.

"Apparently she doesn't
take Canadian quarters."

Apparently she doesn't
take Canadian quarters.

He tried to pay a hooker

with Canadian quarters.

I had a romp up
in crotch lake, Ontario.

Came back with a lot of change,

so I didn't have time
to run to the bank, you know?
Ah, that's hilarious.

I don't know
why she's putting this on me

'cause you can take them
to any exchange place.

The rate is actually
pretty good right now.

All right,
I'm gonna hide behind this tree.

You didn't see me.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Have a good day.

Hey.

Uh, didn't I see you
talking to my friend Joe?

Oh.

Do you know where he went?

No?

She said no, she doesn't
know where he went.

That big-belly son of a b*tch

paid me in Canadian quarters.

"One girl to another,
you don't know where he went?"

One girl to another,
do you know where he went?

♪♪

I can't believe girl code
didn't win the day.

Big-belly,
big-nose son of a b*tch!

What happened was that stripper
was looking for me

and I hid behind a tree
and she didn't give me up.

It was great.

You heard the whole thing?

Go back in. Go back in.
We're gonna do it again.

Uh-oh, Joe, she's coming back.

Oh, she's coming back.

You didn't see me,
you didn't see me.

Have you seen this big-nose,
big-belly son of a b*tch?

It's amazing how you can set up
a loyal allegiance

in two minutes.

- Wow.
- Uh-huh.

All right, you have a great day.

I'm late for church.

"I'm late for church."

I'm late for church.

Get your a*s
to the exchange bank.

I used to have the Samsung,
the exact same phone.

No joke, last week,

I dropped my entire phone
in the toilet.

100% submerged.

Joe: All right,
we're sending in our actor.

I've always
wanted to say this.
Yeah.

Send in the nun.

See our holy roller?

There she is,
coming down the walkway.

Murr:
Oh, my god.

Oh, sh**t, sh**t.

You see the, um...
You see the nun over there?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I gave her mono.

She's looking for me.
I gave her mono.

Oh, no.

Yes.

You know, it's the kissing
disease, right?

I volunteer at the church,
right?

You know, all the wine,
the candles, the incense?

The candles lit.

We were drinking.

She was drinking a little wine.

The candles were lit.

It was so romantic.

I just pounced.

Oh, sh**t. Do me a favor,
do me a favor.

You didn't see me.
Cover for me.

You don't know where I am.
Okay.

♪♪

Sal: Look at his face.

He's like, "please do not
come up to me."

Did I see you
talking to my friend?

Q: He doesn't know
what to say.

You think you might know
where he went?

Oh!

Q: "You wouldn't lie to a nun,
would you?"

You wouldn't lie to a nun,
would you?

But he's lying to a nun.

But do you know where he is?

Joe: Oh!
Thank you.
Bless you.

Murr: Yes!

Wow, he lied to a nun!

Look at his face,
look at his face.

Psst. Psst.

Thank you so much.

Q: Look at this.
He's giving thumbs up.

Murr:
Here we go. We're in.

Do you know
when they open the...

Do you know when
they open the fountain?

All right, your man
is entering the park now.

Okay.
Murr: You'll know him
when you see him.

You'll know him
when you see him.

Oh, there he is.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

He's looking for you.
Sal: He's walking
with a purpose.

See that guy in the black?

Oh, he's looking for me.

"I gave him mono."

Take that, q.

I gave him mono.

I know.

To be fair...

Murr:
Q, he's getting closer.

I'm gonna go hide
behind that tree.

Do me a favor,

you didn't see me.

♪♪

All right, I'm gonna hide.

♪♪

Excuse me.

Didn't I see you talking
to someone I know?

I didn't see where he went.
That's why I'm asking you.

You sure about that?
Yeah.

Yeah!

That's a stand-up guy
right there.
Wow.

Sal:
Dude, we're good?

Murr: Sal is in.

This is perfect...
Not hot, not cold.

That's why...

There's almost not even a seat.

That's why I...
Sorry I squeezed in.

There was hardly no seats.

All right,
let's send in our actor.

Q: Oh, here she comes.

This one's evil.
I think we got sal
on this one.

This is evil.

That's it, buddy.
Pigtails is her.

This son of a b*tch
is trying to shake me down.

This son... this son...

This son of a b*tch
in the pigtails,

she's trying to shake me down.

She tries to bully me
all the time.

You didn't see me.

You don't know where I am, dude.

Sorry. Please.

♪♪

Joe:
Look at her acting.

Excuse me, sir,
have you seen this guy?

His name is sal.
He...

I thought I just saw him
talking to you.

Say to him,
"I'm shaking him down."

I'm shaking him down.

Joe:
"He's been dodging me."

He's been dodging me.

"I'm a straight-up bully."

I'm a straight-up bully.

Do you know where he is?

Are you sure you didn't see him?

Don't be lying to me!

Joe: You won, bud.

I cannot believe that guy
covered for me.

He told an alone child
in a New York City park

that he doesn't know
where the only adult

that she's with is.

You can't even get me
with a 5-year-old.

Oh, yeah?
Give me one more shot.

I'm not giving you
one more shot.

A lot of talk.
I know!
Oh, the zone, the zone.

What's the matter, you chicken?

Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!

Hey.
I'm not chicken.

I'll go again.

Quick,
swipe to sal's second turn.

Dude, did you see
anything down here today...

With the Yankees
or anything like that?

Q:
Here we go, sal, round 2.

There's been a slight change.

Murr:
Sal, she's soaking wet.
Sal: Oh, my god.

Oh, god, this kid,
this kid right here.

She's come here looking for me.

Joe:
"She was at the bus stop.

I just raged
through this puddle,

I soaked her."

She was at the bus stop.

I raged through a puddle
and soaked her.

Oh, you didn't see me
if she asks for me.

Q:
Here we go, here we go.

Excuse me, sir,
have you seen this guy?

Well...

"He's got a weird beard."

He has a weird beard.

"He's a bigger guy."

He's a big guy.

He's both.

- They're covering for him.
- No, they're covering for him.

Oh, okay. Thank you.

Go, "ugh, I smell like
hot, wet trash."

Ugh, I smell like
hot, wet trash.

♪♪

Sal's victorious.
He won.

I cannot believe
they covered for him.

Sal, you got it, buddy.

Narrator:
Everyone covered for the guys,

so no one's hiding out
on the loser board.

Today, we're in the parking lot
of classic cleaners,

getting ready to put our hands
on some people's cars.

We'll be going head-to-head,

putting our hand
on people's cars,

and then we have to wait
for them to come out.

You're gonna have to keep
your hands on the car

for as long as you can.

Whoever takes their hand
off the car first loses.

Lots of hands going on.
There's a lot of hands.

♪♪

Q: Here we go.

Sal: She's getting out.

She's walking.
Joe: Yep.

And she's in.

Why are you running?

What does he got?

Joe: Murray's got props.

Murr: Yeah.
Sal: Oh, my god.

You have a badge?

He's got a badge and everything?

I'm undercover.
I'm undercover.

You're undercover
with a police t-shirt?

You threw this on.
Look at the way
you're standing.

All right, sir,
I'm taking you in.
That's it.

Okay, ready, sal?

Joe:
Hands on cars in 1, 2, 3.

There you go.
Sal:
Hey, how are you, miss?

I have a question...
Is this you?

I'm looking to lease this car.

I have a family,
I have three kids.

Do you like it?
Is it safe?

- Ma'am.
- Is everything okay, sir?

Yeah, my name's officer Murray,

I'm with
the kearny police department.

Just doing community outreach,

just wanted to make sure
everything's good.

Good?

Your badge says
"transit department."

I cover the Trenton, New Jersey
transit, too.

Do you have any other
identification on you?

A police badge usually
seems like it's enough.

You do have that,
or I don't even know...

What is this?
I don't even...

Ohh!

Sal:
What is going on with you?
I'm undercover.

I don't know.

Murr, you better put
that wig back on, buddy.

How do you put a wig on
with one hand?

I can't! I can't.

I got to put it back on.
Sal: I don't know, man.
I don't know.

Hey, you have a great day,
ma'am.

Thanks so much.
Stay safe, stay safe.

You just picked your hand
off the top of car.

Son of a b*tch!

Damn it!

Thank you, miss.

Q:
All right, Joseph.

Joe: All right, buddy,
good luck to you.

Murr:
The hands are on the car

in 3, 2, 1.

Sal:
Here we go, here we go.

Hey, how's it going, man?

Murr:
Joe, what are you doing, bud?

Uh, I got a thing going on here.

I got a loose filling.

And...

I had to.
It's an emergency.
Yeah.

You know where there is one?

Which way is it?
Is it this way?

Are you driving that way?

Oh.
Which way you going?

Yeah.
That's right.

- What's going on there?
- I think it'll be all right.

- Yeah?
- I'll be wrapped up in a minute?

Murr:
This guy is eyeing you.

I got it, dude, it's fine.

He's here,
you can walk away now.

This does feel like
one of those setups,

like, when somebody trips you

and the other guy
steals your wallet.

He just locked his doors.

I just heard the doors lock.

He's public safety.
He knows a thing or two.

Without a doubt,
he's on a super-high alert.

Guys, we'll allow
a one-time switch

to the white car.

Ooh!
Right?

Q: Switch over
to that white car?

Yeah.
All right.

Murr: Go.

Sal: All right
hands are off.

♪♪

Guys, hands on the car now.

Hi.

Oh, we're just making sure
nobody hits you.

Somebody came through
to side-swipe.

Yeah, they squeezed through
on the side.

It was no good.
It was really tight.

I told him to watch the side.

What are you doing?

You're not getting
involved in this.

Make out! Make out!
Make out! Make out!

What are you talking about?

I won.

I went for the kiss.

He came so close,
I felt his breath
on my tongue.

Narrator:
Murr and q were hands off,

so they're first up
on the loser board.

Today,
we're competing head-to-head

clipping ribbons on strangers.

The first guy

will have to attach a ribbon
to a stranger

once they enter
the designated hot zone.

And the other guy will have
to remove that ribbon

before they leave the hot zone

without getting caught.

You get caught attaching
or detaching the ribbon,

you lose.
Aah!

Narrator: It's q and murr

in a joker vs. Joker
challenge.

Here we go.

You're going down.

Come on, come on, come on.

Sal: Murr, you look like you're
getting ready to take a dump.

Come on.

Joe: Murr's in.

There he goes.

Wow, he got it on.

Here we go, here we go.

♪♪

Oh, my god.
Got it, got.

That guy has no idea

that you two were in his life.

Dude, that was close placement
to the a*s too.

That was good.

Q's in, q's in.

Oh, put it on the beak,
put it on the cap.

Oh, on the cap.
Put it on the brim.

Put it on the Bill, the Bill!

Oh, on the brim!
On the brim!

Oh, my god!
He got him!

He didn't catch him,

he didn't catch him.
No, he did not catch him.

He knows something's up...
He knows something's up.

But he has no idea.

He doesn't know he looks like
a golden pony right now.

Oh, murr.

♪♪

Careful,
there's flies all around.

Joe: He didn't catch him.
Yeah, be careful.

He didn't catch him!
He didn't catch him.

Sal: Wow.
Oh, that was beautiful.

Let me say something,

you guys came in
hard and fast.
Yeah.

♪♪

And it's been clipped
on the bag.

That's an easy grab.
Oh, my god.

That's an easy grab.

Oh, I'm so sorry!

I stand corrected.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Easy grab, Joe, easy grab?

Joe: I stand corrected,
my buddy.

My apologies.

Q:

Narrator:
Murr got tripped up,

so he's tonight's big loser.

- Murr's it!
- Murr's the loser, everybody!

We got you an invite

to this awesome c*ck party

on a sprawling estate outside.

Yes. Okay.
Joe:
What we want you to do

is go in there and just mingle
and meet some people.

That's all you know for now,
and that's it.

Joe: So we reached out
to find somebody

who was throwing
a big c*ck party.

He's the only guy
that knows we're here.

None of his guests do.

- Oh, wow.
- Welcome to the event, buddy.

Murr: This is amazing.

It's nice, right?
Look at this invite we scored.

Q: This is
the exact type of party

that I've never been invited to
in my entire life right here.

Sal:
Murr, just scan the party.

Looks like a great
summer c*ck party.

There's violinists playing.

We invited another friend
to this party.

Turn to your right.
Over your right shoulder,
bud.

You'll see our friend Kayla.

She's a two-time gold medal
olympic judoist.

This is your punishment,
you ready?

Take her out.

Murr: What do you mean,
"take her out"?

You have to pin her.

Wait, wait.

What's my explanation?

Sal: No explanation.

If anyone approaches you at all
about the grappling,

your response is only,

"my friend from college."

Don't even say "friend."

"I know her from college."

Ah! That's better.
That's it.

"I know her from college."

Y-Y-You...

Hi. Could I get a...

So you want me to go,
you want me to go?

- Go, go, go.
- You can say hi to her.

Joe:
She knows what the deal is.

Hi. How are you?

Ready and go.

Kayla, right?
Yeah.

We know each other from college?

We do?
We know each other
from college.

Q: Oh! Oh, my god!

Murr:

Dude, it's almost over.
The party ends at sundown.

What? Come on.

Oh, there's a couple
more people around her.

Yes, this will be a little
bit more interesting.

Excuse me, sorry.

♪♪

Woman: How can we get people
on the dance floor?

Yeah, that's it.
Start dancing, come on.

Say, "excuse me for a second,"
and go after Kayla again.

Excuse me one second.

♪♪

Q:

Joe: She's just swatting you
like a fly.

Joe:
You're in finance?

Murr:
How's your day going, guys?

Yeah,
I know her from college.
Oh, okay.

This is great,
this is fantastic.

Where'd you get that?

Joe: There she is.

"Oh, excuse me one minute."

Excuse me one second.
I'm sorry.

♪♪

Sal: Oh! Oh!

I give, I give, I give.

I give, I give.

What's that?

We know each other from college,
it's fine.

This is so stupid.

Kayla, do you need
a full-time job just
following us around

doing this to Murray
at any time we tell you to?

It's hot, huh?
Oh, my gosh.

Hi, guys. I'm James.

Nice to meet you.
I'm sorry to interrupt.

Q:
Here we go, here we go.

Go take her down.

Excuse me one second.

Excuse me one second.

♪♪

I know her from college.

Sal: Look at his hair.

It's on the wrong way.

You look like
a new age yoga teacher

that came home
from a week-long bender.

Murr:
I'm enjoying the party.

T's a lovely day.

Yes.

I know it's a little...

Q: Oh, here we go.

Joe: "Excuse me,
I see somebody from college."

Give me one second,

I see somebody
from college.
Okay.

Hey.

♪♪

No!

All: Ohh!

- Sal: Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god!

Joe:
h*! h*! h*! h*!

Oh, my god!

Sal: Oh, my god!

♪♪

That was unbelievable.

Holy crap.

In a million years,

I never would have been able
to guess this punishment.

I'm James.
Nice to meet you.

Oh, no, no, no.
It's... you know.

Oh, my god,
we didn't even think of that.

Throw him in the water.
Sal:

Murr, thanks so much.
Hey, Kayla.

This just in... hey, Kayla.

Could you go stand by the pool?

♪♪

Oh, she's right
next to the pool.

You should go say hi.
You know her from college.

There you are, Kayla!

There you are!

Hey!

It's James.

Hi, Kayla.

Hi, hi.

♪♪

Murr: Oh, geez.

Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no!
No, no!

Sal: Yes! Yes!

- Look at that!
- Yes!

You go, girl.

And there it is, boys.

Q:
Oh, that was unbelievable.

I know her from college
is the thing.

♪♪

Sal: Oh, my god.

Casey: Welcome to
"impractical insider."

We're gonna give you
a behind-the-scenes look

of how this punishment happened

and bonus footage
from tonight's episode.

Making mostly breakaway tables
today, huh?

Uh, breakaway table,

and we're putting
a camera guy in a tree,

so I had to get the platform.

Putting someone in a tree?
What are they gonna be wearing?

A ghillie suit.
What is that?

Ghillie suit's like
what the military uses.

It's that, like, you know,
green, black, and white thing.

- There we go.
- Oh, my god!

Man: Okay, here we go.
3, 2, 1.

Ladies and gentlemen,

James "murr" Murray
is tonight's loser.

What do I have to do?
Joe: Party.

You got to party, Murray.
Have a drink, relax.

Dance a little bit.

I feel like

there's something else
going on here.

It should be like,
"I feel"... swipe.

Q: Here we go.
Hey.

Hi, everybody. Hi.

Woman: Whoa! Oh!

Every time I approach her,

she takes my wig off
and smacks me.

I'm really
fighting the heat today...
Yes.

Also the olympiad.

"Judo" what I'm talking about?

Aah! Oh, no!

- Oh, here we go!
- No, no!

All: Oh!

- Look at that!
- Yes!

She's awesome.

I think I'm falling in love
with her a little.

- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god.

That was unbelievable.

Holy crap.

How do you feel, bud?

I feel soaking wet, Casey.

I mean, you look wet.

That was brutal.
Oh, my god.

She handed my a*s to me.
It was so fun...

Sal: Oh! Ohh!

Murr:
Okay, I give, I give, I give.

Well, she threw me.

And she threw Joe imburgio.

Sorry.

And then she threw Eric.

Sal: Oh, my god!

That was the best thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Casey:
You went the quickest.

Well, I a...
I'm a b-boy, that's why.

Murr: Oh

all: Ohh!

- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god!

I'm sorry to ruin
their g*dd*mn party.

How do you feel the party went?

I think the party went great.

I would definitely
come back here for a party

if I'm ever
invited again.
Yeah, yeah.

I know, I know.

I think you'd be invited again.
I'm not sure about murr.

Do you have a beverage?

I just got thrown
through a table.

I didn't know
I had an inner bully in me,

but apparently...
No.

I've been, like, keeping that...

That's the thing
that was the best.

You didn't come off mean.

It was, like,
he was always going for you.

It was, like,
almost all self-defense.

Yeah, so I was like...

It was self-defense,
but I just had to, like,

let him know, like, I was boss.

Do you submit?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm done.

All right, well,
it's good to see you.

Yeah, you...

Q: Yes! Oh, yes!

Oh, my god, I'm in love.

That's my Kayla.

♪♪

What are you doing?
You're not getting
involved in this.

Sal: Make out!

Joe: I won.

I went for the kiss.

It's like a romance novel.

It was nothing like
a romance novel.

You need to stop.

I'm just...

You... I'm gonna
accidentally react

and knock you in the chompers.

I just went to kiss sal,
and he pulled away.

I would kiss
every other person on the earth

before you... every last one.

7 billion,
you're 7 billion and 1.