05x16 - Laundry Day

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up,

what's with sal's
public display of affection?

Come on, you two.
Give a little kiss.

That's beautiful.

Narrator:
Why is Joe cutting to the chase?

Hey, bud, I dropped these.
Hey, bud?

Hey, bud? Hey, bud.
Hey, you. Hey, bud.

And which losing joker

will have to let it all fly
in tonight's punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Today, we're at food bazaar,

trying to get fellow shoppers
to help us out with an alibi.

One guy will have to approach us
and provide the weird reason

that we cancelled plans
with him.

And the other guy

has to get the fellow shopper
to back his story.

If you can't get
the complete stranger

to corroborate your story,
you lose

and you're
a good for nothing liar!

Joe: Okay, so the game's simple.
You buddy up with a stranger.

Murr: Yeah.

And you have to get them
to go along with your story.

- To corroborate your alibi.
- Yes, that's it.

- Is that it?
- Yeah, your alibi.

Milk's right down
the bottom down there?

You see the frozen...
All those...

Oh, okay.
I always... you know what?

I moved into the neighborhood,

and I always get confused
as to, like...

Oh

Uh, just roll with me
one second.
Dude.

Hey, what's going on, pal?
What's up?

I didn't know
you were gonna be in today.

Sal, what's going on?
Yeah, we're just, uh...

We're just doing some
last-minute shopping.

- Oh, cool.
- Hey, this is sal.

Hey, you must be his psychic.

Yes, this is my psychic.

- Oh, cool. How you doing?
- This is him.

This is, uh... Mr., uh, Johnson.
Mr. Johnson, the psychic guy.

That's so cool.
I heard so much about you.

He goes on and on
about how accurate it is.

- He's in.
- He's in.

How do you read people?
Do you do cards, palms?

You do all that?

Oh, my god.

He's the best.

And it works?

You know what stuff means?
Like, you can even...

Like, you could tell me
something by that?

You really could do that?

- I cannot believe that.
- Well, he's shopping.

I don't know if you want
to bother the guy in the
middle of the day.

I'm sure he wants to
show it off now.

Like, can you tell me anything
from that?

Um...

That's dead-on accurate.

He really is the best.

Murr:
I don't believe it, man.

I don't believe it.

Mr. Johnson, it's a pleasure.

Thank you, have a good one.
Thanks, guys.

- Thanks, pal.
- All right, thanks.

Bye-bye. Thank you.

Thanks, buddy.
Thank you.

That guy's just... he's just
an unbearable d*uche bag.

Murr: All right,
now switch places, guys.

Gyros? Love 'em.

They're good.

They're like oreos but better,
I think.

Yeah, two for $5.
Oh, here comes my friend.

Play along, play along,
play along.
Hey, buddy.

- Hey, buddy.
- What's going on?

- Hi. How are you?
- How you doing?

- Good, good.
- Hi. I'm Brian.

It's very nice
to finally meet you.

He's telling me about
he had a hot date all day.

We were supposed to
hang out today. We were
supposed to have lunch.

- We were supposed to have...
- And then he said I...

Yeah.
We're on a date now.

- Oh!
- Thank you.

- All right.
- Yeah, that's us on a date.

So, are you guys...
You guys are shopping on a date?

Yeah, because that's fun.

We're gonna go to dinner later.

Where are you going
to dinner tonight?

Oh, dinner?

Chicken!

Wow, how did you guys meet?

Yeah, we met getting pizza
that time we met, remember?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Where was the pizzeria?
Where was that?

In, uh...

Third... oh, that...

She's lying for him.
On third street.

All right, cool.

'Cause we had plans
for, like, a week, so...

No, we had plans today,
but then when she called me,

she said,
"let's go on a shopping date."

I said I'm gonna go with her.
I'm gonna go with her on a date.

Oh. All right.

He's been excited about
seeing you for a while now.

I know, he is a charming guy.

What do you like best about him?

Joe: Everything.

You guys are a great couple.

You guys mind
if I put it on Facebook?

- No.
- Oh, my god.

Come on, you two,
give a little kiss.

Come on.
Give a kiss.

Yes.
Okay, all right.

- That's beautiful.
- Thank you.

This seems like
a pretty airtight alibi.

I got to give you that.

Joe: He got him.

Q: Just two dudes
just drinking some coffee

at the local supermarket.

Ooh, it's hot.

I tell you, they did
a heck of a job with this, man.

They redid it.
So nice, man.

Wow.

Really, really good.

- Joe. Hey.
- Oh, man.

Hey, play along.
Play along.

- Hey, man.
- Hey, bud, how you doing?

What are you doing here?

You cancelled our lunch.
You said you couldn't make it.

Yeah, I was booked up. Sorry.
I was, you know.

You said
that you had to go check

if you could get the toys back
from that weirdo.

Yeah, we were just talking
about it before you rolled up.

Yeah, he...

Oh, you're the weirdo.

You said that guy
took all your toys,

and he was a really weird guy.

From the kids' park.
My kids' park.

You know, he took the kids'...

- You took his kid's toys.
- He's going for it.

Joe: He thought
it was his kid's toys.

It was just a mix-up, really.

Got... oh, just you took
the wrong toys.

How many kids you have?
Three kids?

Oh, cool.

You guys go to the same park?
What park?

- Oh.
- Oh!

Man, he's in deep now.
He's in three lies deep.

- It was just an accidental...
- Total accident.

What toys did you accidentally
grab from him?

Yeah, the g.I. Joe he took,
yeah.
Oh, really?

This guy.

You want to pull a heist,
get this guy.
I'll Rob a bank
with this guy.

All right, well, this is, uh...

You know, I got nothing, really.

That's it.
Willie's a good guy, though.

Hey, man,
nice to meet you, weirdo.

Joe: Yeah. Sorry we couldn't
get together, bud.

- Damn it.
- See you later, man.

Murr: Take care, man.

- Wow, he gave him the nod.
- Yeah.

He even gave him the nod,
like, "I got you."

I forgot to get chicken.

Do you mind
if I ask you a question?

Is there a bakery in this store?
I see bread.

Oh, a bakery?
No, but there's bread.

Like, I need a cake.

- Um, well...
- Oh

oh, geez, this is
my friend coming up.

I'm not supposed to be here.

Cover for me.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Joe.

- Oh, hello.
- How you doing, man?

Good, sorry to interrupt.
I know you cancelled today

'cause you said you were meeting
with the girl you knocked up.

Sal and q: Ohh!

This is Sandra.

Hi.

Congratulations.
I didn't know.

How you doing?
Good to see you.

Yeah, no, it's...
We're keeping the baby.

I bumped into you.
Oh, you are? Good.

Congratulations to you.
That's awesome.

Oh, she goes, "thank you."

You excited?

Yeah. Wow.

She's playing along.

Do you want a boy or a girl?

Um... a girl.

A girl, yeah.
Have you picked a name, or...

I'm sure there's a lot of things
to discuss. Well, that's good.

She's in, man.

Joe, ask them where they met.

Crazy way you guys met, though.

Well...

No, you know, we met at your...

We were doing
the zip line in Costa Rica,

and she was...

Zip lining was fun?
And she was on the zip line
behind me.

We, you know, bumped into
each other and hit it off,

and then we ended up spending
most of the vacation together.

I found it funny
that he did zip lining

'cause he's so scared
of heights, so...

Oh, you are?

That's how we bonded at first.

That's awesome.
Cool.

And you're okay
with his problem?

Uh, and you're okay
with his problems?

I guess you guys have
a lot of catching up to do.

She backed it up.
Wow.

Good to see you.
Congratulations again.

Narrator: All four guys
had rock-solid alibis,

so they're getting away
scot free from the loser board.

Today we're in the park
meeting people

just the way they do
in the movies...

By "accidentally" spilling
all our papers

and then desperately needing
someone's help to pick them up.

Then when they help us
pick these papers up,

we have to ask them
a crazy question

given to us by the other guys.

If you don't ask that question

before they hand you
all of the papers, you lose.

There's a time in my life
I was just like this guy.

I walked around
with a digital camera,

and I took pictures
of stuff I liked.

I called it gattography.

Sal: But you took
the same photo over and over.

It's, like, of your nephew

looking into the distance,
right?

Children looking into
the landscape of the
world before them.

That was the theme
of one of my series.

I had many series.

And they're also for sale
right here

if you just go right here.

No, no.
Take that link down.

Guys, we'll split it.
We'll split it, we'll split it.

You guys aren't pimping
bull side projects
on my TV show.

Knock it off.

The next time you wear
"tell 'em Steve-Dave" t-shirt,

I'm gonna rip it off.

It's on him right now.

Oh, is it?
Blur that.

Blur this. Hey!

Get that blur off!
Get it off!

Get that blur off!
All right, all right.

Do gattography.

- Good, put it back.
- All right, there we go.

Oh, sh**t.

Sorry.
Oh, thank you so much.

Have you ever been with a guy
with your dad's name?

Ooh.

I appreciate that.
That's great.

Hey, a question.

Have you ever been with a guy
that had your dad's name?

- No?
- You ever been with him?

No? Never? No.
It's weird.

Take care, hon.
Thanks so much for the help.

Hey, you really worked
that gatto charm.

You know why? You're wearing
the lavender shirt of love.

It's a spring day.

I could ask anything right now.

Oh, son of a g*n.

Man, I dropped all those.

Hey, I dropped these.
You gonna help me with them?

Hey, bud,
I didn't know if you saw.

I know you saw I dropped these.

Hey, bud, I dropped these.
Hey, bud.

Hey, my man, real quick,
I dropped these.

Hey, buddy. Hey, bud.
Hey, bud. Hey, bud.

Tell me about your last breakup.

Hey, bud, I dropped these.
Hey, bud.

Hey, bud, tell me about
your latest breakup.

Now you look back and saw me.
Hey, bud.

Hey, bud.

Hey, bud, I just dropped them
real quick.

Want to tell me
about your breakup?

It's all right, bud, I got them.

I got a truck coming, actually.

Let's go throw him
in the back of it?

Let's go throw sal
in the back of the truck?

No, guys, guys.

Gonna have to throw sal
in the garbage truck.

No, we can't do this!
He's our friend!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

We're all here.
We're all here.

- Sal.
- What's going on, buddy?

Murr: We're here today
for sal's punishment.

That's a joke.

- What the are you doing?
- Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?
What the are you doing?

Can I get out?

Why am I in this garbage?
Is that a joke?

What is supposed to happen
right now?

Guys, my clothes.

Is this my punishment?

Can anyone answer me, for real?

He's still in the truck.

Yeah, no, it wasn't
your punishment.

I'm full of garbage.

Q: All right, so you got
to drop your papers...

and ask a question now, buddy.

Oh, oh, oh.

I got to learn
how to drop the papers.

Yeah.

Yes!

Joe:

Sal, sal, come on.

You didn't make reference to it.

You got to act like,
"oh, I dropped my papers."

This is an annoying bit.

I don't feel well, man.
I don't feel well today.

You feel like garbage?

Oh, no, gadzooks.

- Gadzooks.
- Gadzooks.

- Here he goes.
- There you go.

Do you smell garbage?

Do you smell garbage?
'Cause it's me.

'Cause I just came out
of a garbage truck, sir.

Thank you very much, sir.
I appreciate it.

Thank you.
Have a great day.

- Wow, that was good.
- That was a good drop.

- She is...
- Oh!

How much weight have you lost
since Christmas?

Oh.

Thank you so much.
How much weight have you
lost since Christmas,

'cause you look great now.

Thank you.

You win.

Murr: All right, q,
send those papers flying.

Here we go.

Oh, oh! Oh, man.

You're a life saver, man.
Thank you.

Dude, I really owe you, man.
Thank you.

Hey, look, quick question.

Ever make pleasure in a pool?

You ever, uh...
You ever, uh...

Murr:
Make pleasure in a pool?

Yeah, I know what you said.

Uh... you ever go in a pool?

- I've been in a pool.
- You been in a pool?

Do you ever make pleasure
in a pool?

- Huh?
- Make pleasure in a pool?

- No.
- Never made pleasure in a pool?

- Nope.
- Thanks, bud.

You made it so much more weird
than it had to.

Sal:

Oh, oh. Oh, man.

Oh, thanks, guys, so much.

Does your bedroom window
face the street?

You know what?
I'm late for tax already.

I'm late for tax.

You need to ask the question

before all the papers
are back in your hand.

- Quick question.
- Yeah.

Thank you.
Thank you for the help.

Could you hold that one?

Does your window
face the street?

Your bedroom window
face the street?

No?
Oh, I'll take that back.

All right, thank you.

Joe: I don't know.

Maybe you don't understand
how it works.

- The paper was in his hand.
- No, no, no.

We saw you
give him the paper back.

You don't get two shots.

Oh, oh!

Ah, I tripped.
Geez Louise.

Only in New York, right,

do people meet like this
and they get along real well

and then maybe they get married
and have kids?

What's the grossest thing
you've ever done underwater?

What's the gro...

What's the grossest thing
you ever did underwater?

- It's a win.
- So, finally got it?

- You finally got it.
- I'll take it.

Oh,

oh, mother

I'm sorry.
Thank you so much.

Were you a c-section
or a regular baby?

Thank you.
No, thank you, thank you.

Step on it if it starts to fly.
Thank you.

No, awesome, man.

Hey, were you a c-section baby
or no?

No, but my daughter was.

Your daughter was.
Great.

Take care, man.
Thank you.

You guys are good samaritans.
I appreciate that.

What the

aah! Mother

would you mind just help...
Just... thank you so much.

I really appreciate it.

What's your blood type?

Hey

what's your blood type?

You don't know?

You should really
get it checked.

If you had to guess.

Did your doctor ever mention it?
Have you gone to a physical?

Have you...

What was it?
Do you remember?

O positive!
Fantastic.

Great.
Thank you, guys.

Oh, my god, that was weird.

Nice work, murr.
Nice work.

Narrator: Joe got reamed
in this challenge,

making him tonight's big loser.

Well, it does not happen
that often, but today's the day.

Joe's our loser.

We need you to cheer up, buddy,

'cause you're gonna be
the one-man pep squad tonight

at the Philadelphia soul
arena football game.

Joe, go out there
and get them pepped!

Yeah!
How you feeling?

Let's do it.

Announcer: Touchdown!

Joey's with
the t-shirt Cannon today.

- I look like fat Rambo.
- You know what's funny?

Does he still really think

that it's just about
a t-shirt Cannon?

He does, he does.

sh**ting a t-shirt Cannon's fun.

Everybody wants to sh**t
the t-shirt Cannon.

Punishments aren't supposed
to be fun.

No, and they're not gonna be
'cause what Joe doesn't know is

we went to his house,
took his entire wardrobe,

and he's gonna be sh**ting
his own clothes

out into the stands.

He must've got into a fight
with his wife,

'cause it was very easy to get
his clothes from that house.

She did not stop us at all.

To be honest,
he's outgrowing them.

This is it.

Announcer: Let's get this place
up and rocking.

What's going on down there,
fellas?

- There he is!
- There he is!

Announcer:
Who wants some t-shirts?!

Joe, you get peppy!
You go nuts!

Joe: Make some noise,
sons of b*tches!

Who wants some love?!

Who wants it?! Yeah!

Yeah!

Let's do it!
Who wants it?

Make some noise!

Joe looks like he's having fun,
but that won't last.

Haaaa-hoo!

That's his shirt!
That's his shirt!

That's right, baby!
Who wants it?!

Who wants a t-shirt, huh?

Do it! Do it!

h*!

I love that he thinks
this is the punishment.

You want some love in the back?

- Hyah!
- That's three of his shirts.

- Hey, Joe.
- What?

Take a look at what
you're sh**ting into the crowed.

Take a look at what
you're sh**ting into the crowd.

Is this my

this is my that's my shirt!

Look up.

That's my shirt!

It's your whole wardrobe.

I love this sweater.

Yeah, well, so will they.

Who wants my sweater? h*!

Oh, my god!
Adopt, don't shop!

That's my adopt, don't shop
shirt!

Save the animals!

Guys, this is stupid.
Nobody wants my clothes.

I don't care I the want
your clothes.

I kno yo want your clothes.

Oh, guys,
this shirt was 60 bucks!

This is Hugo boss!

Enjoy it.
That's Hugo boss.

Guys, the lavender glow of love.
It lights 'em up.

Who wants
the lavender glow of love?!

Fans are excited,
but when they get the shirt,

it's old, used,
stretched-out clothing.

This is not a good gift.

Oh, guys.
Milana's onesie?!

What? Milana's clothes!

We grabbed whatever we can.

You have Milana's pajamas.

Who wants my baby's pajamas?

Who's looking for baby pajamas?
You guys?

Idiots.

That's it.
It's empty.

- No, that's not it.
- I got no more clothes.

- Oh, you have clothes.
- Oh, guys.

Take your clothes off.

Give away
the clothes on your body.

They're booing him.
They're booing him.

Who wants my sweaty shirt?

Come on, Joe, that's not all.

His socks and shoes.

More pep! More pep!

Who wants some socks?!

Who wants a stained sock?!

Who wants it?! Take it!

He's going in his underwear!

What, are you giving lap dances?

Oh, god.

They're looking at him...
They're baffled.

- What are you doing?
- I'm hungry.