01x17 - T.C. Minds the Baby

[bunniefuu]

[HUMMING]

[PHONE RINGING]

DIBBLE:
Okay, okay, I'm coming.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

Officer Dibble reporting.

Huh? Who?

What's this? A baby bottle.

Top Cat

The most effectual
Top Cat

Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C

Providing it's with dignity

Top Cat

The indisputable
leader of the g*ng

He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship

He's the most tip top,
Top Cat

Yes he's a chief, he's a king,
But above everything

He's the most tip top,
Top Cat

Let's see. There must be
a worthwhile one here someplace.

Hmm. Amalgamated company
seems to be preferred.

Hey, Top Cat, I'm hungry.

TOP CAT: Hmm. Perhaps
we should go consolidated.

T.C., I'm hungry.

Quiet, Benny. Can't you see
I'm analyzing the market
reports?

BENNY:
But I'm hungry, T.C.

Forget it, Benny. Being hungry
is just a state of mind.

No, it ain't. It's the state
of my stomach. It's empty.

I haven't eaten for so long, I'm
beginning to see little spots in
front of my eyes.

It's all in your mind, I tell
you. Forget it, Benny.

BENNY: In fact, the spots
are getting bigger and bigger.

Okay. When you see one the size
of a hamburger, grab it.

Yeah. And if you see one with
onions, save it for me.

Hey, where do you look
to see these spots, Benny?

Man, maybe I can
see something I like. Like--

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we
all go down
to the diner and eat?

TOP CAT:
Diner? Eat?

[OTHERS LAUGHING]

Uh, did I say something funny?

It's not that it's so funny,
Chooch.
Let's just call it impractical.

CHOO CHOO:
When is eating impractical?

Oh, is this boy a dreamer.

Brain, bring Sleeping Beauty up
to date with the latest
treasurer's report.

Uh, the treasurer's report
is as follows:

Quote, "We are broke,"
unquote.

CHOO CHOO: Flat broke?
-Well, uh, no.

We owe the West Side Bowling
Alley $4.36.

So you could say
we're flatter than flat broke.

Some treasurer you are. That's
the same report you've been
giving us all week.

Okay, okay, I get the message.
I can't concentrate...

...with you guys talking about
food. Come on, let's get
something to eat.

But-- But we're broke.

Are you a new member or
something? Of course we're
broke.

We're always broke.
What's that got to do with it?

The world is filled with
abundance.
This is a rich city.

After all, there's
only six of us.

We tried not eating,
and it didn't work.

Okay, so now we'll try
positive thinking.

-Well, I'm positive I'm hungry.
-Yeah, and I'm positive we're
still broke.

A mere detail, a mere detail.

Somewhere out there is something
for everybody. Follow me, men.

Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.

CHOO CHOO:
We've covered the whole park,
T.C...

...and haven't even found
an empty popcorn bag.

SPOOK: Yeah, man.
Like, they sure keep it neat
these days.

TOP CAT: Come, come, gentlemen.
Let's not be discouraged as yet.

We've merely scratched the
surface. According to the
tourist guidebook...

...there are 186 parks, squares,
and public places...

...where one may find empty
pop bottles, sandwich wrappers--

Hey, T.C., I think I see a
picnic basket!

TOP CAT: There you are,
gentlemen. Lady luck has smiled
upon us already.

Somebody forgot
their picnic basket.

And I don't have to remind you
that picnickers are pretty big
eaters.

Take a look, Benny.
What kind of sandwiches?

-No sandwiches, T.C.
TOP CAT: No?

Well, uh, what kind of turkey
legs, cold cuts, and stuff like
that is in there?

No, nothing like that.
Just a baby.

-Uh, a baby?
-There must be some mistake.

Like, Benny must be kidding.

Yeah, who would leave a baby
in a picnic basket?

No, he ain't kidding.
It's a baby, all right.

Maybe someone
abandoned him, T.C.

Abandon a baby.
Who would do a thing like that?

BENNY: I don't know.
Here's a note that was in the
basket.

Let me see. "To whom it may
concern...

Please take care
of my baby for me.

I'm desperate
and have no one to turn to.

He's the sweetest baby in the
world and won't be any trouble.

Thank you. And bless you for
being so kind."

FANCY FANCY:
Hey, that's tough. The poor kid.

That's all. It ain't signed.

How do you like that?
Dumping a kid that way.

What do we do now?

TOP CAT: We look for a picnic
basket with food in it.

But, T.C., what about the baby?

What about him? Just leave him
where you found him.

The people who live there can
take care of him. Let's go.

But nobody lives here, T.C.
This building is condemned.

Say, you're right.
They're gonna tear it down.

Benny, let me see
that note again.

Hmm. How do you like that.
No return address.

Maybe the kid
knows where he lives, T.C.

Hey, that's an idea, Fancy.
What's your name, kid?

[BABY GURGLING]

Gurgle, gurgle? What kind of
name is that for a kid?

That's just baby talk, T.C.

Yeah, all kids sound like that
when they're happy.

No kidding.
What's he got to be happy about?
Hey, where do you live, kid?

[BABY GURGLING]

Gurgle, gurgle again, huh?
Is that street or avenue, kid?

He's a cute baby, T.C.

Yeah, even if he doesn't know
where he lives.

-Like, what are you gonna do
with him?
-Now, let me think.

I got it. We'll leave him across
the street
with old man McGillicutty.

Mac's got lots of kids.
One more won't make any
difference.

And what's more important,
we'll be starting the kid off
right...

...with an old, established
firm.

Now, when I ring the doorbell,
everybody out of sight. You got
it?

-We got it, T.C.
BENNY: Go ahead. Push the
button.

WOMAN: Junior, turn off that
music
and get busy with your homework!

BOY: Aw, Ma, do I have to?
WOMAN: Yeah, you have to.

Mary Ellen, stop tweezing your
eyebrows
and set the table for supper.

GIRL:
Oh, Ma.

WOMAN: Robert, get those skates
off the floor. I nearly tripped!

Richard, run down to the
cleaners and pick up your
father's suit...

...for the lodge meeting
tonight.

Junior, I said turn off
that music!

And Patty. Where's Patty?

Michael, have you seen Patty?
Look out in the backyard.

Junior, I'm telling you
for the last time....

TOP CAT: Let's get out of here.
Too busy in there.

Our kid would get
lost in the crowd.

Yeah. We can do better
than that place.

Wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I got it.

What are we knocking
our brains out for?

They got places
for kids like this.

-You mean like--
-Like an orphanage?

TOP CAT:
Yeah, an orphanage. That's it.

Benny, take the kid over to
the orphanage and drop him off.

You mean you're gonna
put the baby in the orphan home,
T.C.?

Sure, what else?
That's what it's for, isn't it?

Yeah, but I was an orphan once.

-So what do you want? A medal?
-No, but--

They took good care of you,
didn't they? Gave you meals,
clothes, a place to flop.

-Even your own toothbrush,
right?
BENNY: Yeah, but--

But what? Don't tell me
they didn't furnish toothpaste.

BENNY: No, I got toothpaste.
-Okay, so you got everything.

What's the big beef
against the orphanage?

-You just don't get any love
there.
-You don't get any what?

ALL: Love!
-Huh?

CHOO CHOO:
Babies need love, T.C.

It gives them a feeling of
security
and stuff like that.

Okay, so he won't get any love
there. Can I help that? What
else can we do?

Uh, I know, T.C.

TOP CAT: Yeah, Brain? Yeah,
what?
Shh! Quiet, everybody.

Uh, hey, how about
the pool hall?

We can say hello to the kid
every time we go there.

Are you kidding? A pool hall is
no place for a baby.

Besides, the note said whoever
found this kid was to take good
care of him.

Right? So the pool hall is out.

Why can't we take care
of the baby, Top Cat?

TOP CAT: We? We? You mean us?
-Sure, why not?

Why not? Okay, I'll give you 300
reasons
right off the top of my head.

In the first place, I got enough
trouble taking care of you guys.

One more freeloader
ain't in my contract.

And in the third and fourth
places, none of us happens to be
a father.

You skipped second place, T.C.

I'm moving it up to first.
What do we know about bringing
up a baby?

Ah, they're not so hard to bring
up.
All you have to do is feed them.

TOP CAT: That's all? What about
a little detail known as
changing diapers?

I suppose the kid does that for
himself.

Choo Choo knows
how to change a diaper.

TOP CAT:
Really? Is that true, Chooch?

BRAIN: Uh, hey, how about that?
SPOOK: Man, like, I never knew.

Well, yeah, T.C. My sister's got
kids. I learned watching her.

Okay, so we got a diaper changer
in our group. So what?

Babies make a lot of noise. They
can keep you up all night with
their crying.

But-- But the note said
he was a good baby.

TOP CAT: That was just a note,
Benny, not a lifetime guarantee.

You see a cute baby.
I see another mouth to feed.

I'm sorry, kid, but that's the
way it is. We have to be
practical about this.

Nothing personal.
You understand.

[BABY GURGLING]

[TOP CAT LAUGHS]

That gurgle just knocks me out.
She likes me. Kitchy,
kitchy-koo!

Ooh, what a grip!
This kid is strong.

Look, he's chewing on my finger.
Okay, okay, that's enough, kid.

Ouch! What a bite he's got.
Ha-ha-ha!

SPOOK:
Maybe he's, like, hungry, T.C.

Hungry? Already?

We only just found him
a couple of minutes ago.

[BABY CRYING]

-He sounds hungry to me.
-Yeah. Me too.

I think he wants to eat, T.C.

TOP CAT: What is with all you
guys? Have you all flipped over
a baby?

-The world is full of babies.
-But-- But we found this one,
T.C.

Yeah, and finders keepers, you
know.

TOP CAT:
Okay, so we found him.

Does that mean
we have to be stuck with him?

How are we gonna operate? He
can't do anything.
He'll only be a drag.

He's kind of cute, Top Cat.

Uh, maybe he can win
a baby contest.

Oh, sure, sure.
And what's first prize?

Don't tell me. A dozen diapers
and a gold-plated safety pin.

Say, Spook could use it for a
tiepin.

You see what I mean?
There go the profits already.

But on the other hand,
it might not be a bad idea.

We could use a little
new blood in this group.

Maybe it'll make you guys
go out and hustle more.

-Sure, T.C. We'd all do it.
-Like, what else?

Sure. Sure, we would, T.C.

Well, we did find the kid...

...so I guess it is
our responsibility, all right.

Although, I'd be a lot happier
if he'd have been...

...the kind of picnic basket
we were looking for.

All right, now. We'll do it
legal,
like, according to the rules.

All in favor of increasing
our membership by one say "aye."

And remember, nobody's
pressuring you.
Take your time, men.

ALL:
Aye!

Congratulations, kid. You're in.

Now, do you solemnly swear...

...to abide by the rules and
regulations
of this organization?

[BABY GURGLING]

And to uphold the constitution
and not work unless you have to?

[BABY GURGLING]

Okay, men. Let's hear it
for the new member.

-Hip hip..
-Hooray!

-Hip hip..
-Hooray!

Now, g*ng, the first order of
business is to select a name for
our new member.

-Nominations are now in order.
FANCY FANCY: How about Tom?

BRAIN: How about d*ck?
CHOO CHOO: How about Harry?

Let's call him Charlie,
after our friend Officer Dibble.

-Uh, Charlie what?
-Charlie what?

Oh, boy, I see we got
a statistician here.

Just Charlie, okay?

Now, anymore dumb observations?
No, huh? Good.

The motion is carried. The kid's
name is officially Charlie.

[CHEERING]

Gosh, Top Cat. Charlie doesn't
have to worry about being an
orphan now.

He's got a father.

Did you say, "a father," Benny?
The kid's got six of them.

[ALL COOING]

[BABY GURGLING]

Golly, Spook. It was nice of
Pedro to donate this pizza...

...to the baby's food supply.

Yeah, Benny,
he's got, like, a big heart.

Here's a tamale
and a cup of coffee I got, T.C.

Do you think Charlie
will like it?

Well, personally I'd go
for a hot pastrami on rye...

...but I guess the kid
ain't too fussy.

Hey, Top Cat, I just rembered
babies like milk.

-In fact, it's all they eat.
TOP CAT: Hold the food, you
guys!

So now you tell me, Dr. Choo
Choo. Are you sure?

BRAIN: Uh, he's right, T.C.
Now that he mentioned it...

...my, uh, brain rembers it
too.

Oh, good. Dr. Brain concurs
with Dr. Choo Choo.

Okay, I stand corrected and I
bow to the gentlemen with the
know-how.

Just see that you're around
when the diaper detail is due.

Don't get lost on me then,
specialist.

All right, g*ng. You heard the
experts.
Milk. The kid needs milk.

Chooch, you'll be in charge
of the milk fund.

Fancy, you dig up the diapers.
Brain, the safety pins.

Benny, the clothesline,
and, Spook, the blankets.

Uh, what about you, T.C.?
Like, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna stay right here
and do what you other fathers
will be too busy to do.

SPOOK: Like what, man?
-Like, I'll worry.

This ought to be a good place.
Parks are full of babies.

And babies have milk bottles.

Aha! Here comes the first
contribution to the milk fund.

Sorry, kid, but Charlie's
hungry.

Here comes donation number two.

It's just like taking
candy from a baby.

[LAUGHING]

[HUMMING]

That's funny, I must
have passed it.

No wonder I never
recognized the place.

All them ribbons and curtains.

What's Top Cat up to now?
What's going on here?

Uh-oh. Dibble's out
in the alley.

I'll try to get rid of him.
Try to keep the kid quiet.

Good day, Officer Dibble, sir!

Nice to see you, sir.
We've missed you, sir.

Top Cat, you've changed the
alley.
I nearly passed up my call box.

Oh, then you have noticed the
new curtains and drapes, sir.

-Nice, huh? Homey?
-Yeah, it's an improvement, but
why?

-What are you up to?
-Always suspicion. Always doubt.

Is it a crime that we tried
to improve the looks of this
alley?

-Tried to make it more livable?
DIBBLE: No, it ain't.

Only, how come now
after all these years...

...you finally decided to dress
it up? How come?

TOP CAT: I guess we just
couldn't stand it any longer,
Dib.

It's as if a voice inside
spoke to us saying--

[BABY CRYING]

-Ha, ha. A very loud voice,
that is.
DIBBLE: Hold it!

-What was that?
TOP CAT: What was what? Uh,
what?

-It sounded like a baby crying.
-A baby crying?

Oh, that! Ha-ha-ha!

Okay, make it a good one,
but don't strain yourself.

That was Benny doing some
imitations.

-I think that boy's got talent
there.
-That was Benny?

We're grooming him for TV
doing baby voices.

He'll be glad to know he fooled
you,
give him confidence.

-Good, Benny! Very good, boy.
-What, T.C.? What was?

-Benny, did you do that?
-Do what? Did I do something,
T.C.?

You see? You see how modest he
is? A true artist.

Don't ask him, Dib.
Just close your eyes and listen.

Okay, I'm listening.

[BABY CRYING]

Uh, take it easy, Charlie.

Hey, Chooch, will you please
hurry with that diaper?

TOP CAT:
You see? What do you think?

Boy! He's great. No kidding.

You sure fooled me, Benny.
I could've sworn it was a baby
crying.

Me too.

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh-oh. That must be
the sergeant calling.

I gotta report in.
Good luck, fellas.

[RINGING]

DIBBLE:
Okay, okay, I'm coming.

Officer Dibble reporting.

Huh? Who?

What's this? A baby bottle.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

Hello? Officer Dibble here.

A series of robberies
in the park?

Someone's been stealing milk
bottles from babies?

Oh, boy.
How low can you get, huh?

Wait a minute. I got an idea,
sarge. Call you right back.

Stealing milk bottles from
babies, huh?

Well, this looks like
a baby's bottle to me.

If Top Cat's got a new racket...

...he ain't gonna
wiggle out of it this time.

How do you like the wheels
I put on the baby basket, T.C.?

Neat, Chooch. Real neat.
Looks like one of them new
compacts.

DIBBLE:
Okay, hold it, hold it!

-What's going on here?
-Shh! Quiet, please!

-You'll wake the baby.
-Baby. What baby?

He, uh, means the baby
imitations
Benny was giving, Dib.

Knock it off, T.C.
I'm wise to your racket.

Come on, where did you hide
the rest of the baby bottles?

[HORNS HONKING]

Come on, where's the
rest of the evidence?

Yikes! What was that?

Quick, get the baby out of here
before Dib comes to!

-He's gone, T.C.
-Oh, my gosh, the basket's
empty.

Spook, Fancy, Brain, find the
baby.
We've gotta find the baby.

-Benny? Where's Benny?
BENNY: You calling me, T.C.?

Benny, we gotta find--
Benny, what are you doing?

Nothing, Top Cat.
Just feeding the baby.

[CRASHING]

T.C.!
Hey, T.C., what's the matter?

I think he, like, fainted.

Yeah, you shouldn't have taken
the baby out of the basket,
Benny.

I'm sorry, fellas.
I'll put him back.

I heard that. Let me have
a look in that basket.

What's this? A baby.

Oh, now you did it, Top Cat.

We got laws against
baby-napping.

Shh! Keep it down, will you?
Please. Can't you see the kid's
sleeping?

And we didn't baby-nap him.
It just so happens we found him.

Found him?

Benny, show Doubting Dibble the
note we found with the baby.

-Here it is--
DIBBLE: Give me that.

-Shh!
-Quiet! You'll wake the baby!

Umm.... Uh, excuse me.

"To whom it may concern...."

[MUTTERING]

Okay, Dibble. You satisfied?

All right, so he was abandoned,
and you found him.

Hand him over.

But, uh, we were gonna
adopt the kid ourselves.

Are you kidding? You guys?

We'll take good care of him.
Honest. Chooch knows how to
handle diapers.

Oh, sure, pal. And what are you
gonna teach him? Roulette?

Uh, we could go to, uh, night
school and take some courses.

Sorry, fellas. There's laws
in this city covering lost
property...

...and abandoned kids come
under that heading.

We take the baby
and find a home for him.

-Yeah, but--
-Furthermore, the law says...

...before you can adopt a baby
you gotta be a legally
responsible citizen...

-...with a regular, fixed
income.
-Oh, boy.

Now, will you cut out the
stalling and give me the kid!

[BABY CRYING]

Now you did it!
You woke up Charlie.

DIBBLE:
Charlie?

We named him after you,
Officer Dibble.

Yeah, Dib. We figured you
might want to be the kid's
godfather.

No kidding? That's
real nice, you guys.

But the baby's gotta be taken
in. It's regulations. Come on,
let's go.

Okay, Benny. Dibble's gotta
make his pinch for the day.

And it might as well be someone
he can handle.
Give him the baby.

Hey, he's a nice kid, all right.

Hiya, little Charlie.

[COOING]

[BABY CRYING]

[BABY HICCUPPING]

Okay, Dibble.
Now what did you do to him?

DIBBLE:
It's okay, T.C.
It's only hiccups.

Only hiccups?

[HICCUPPING]

DIBBLE:
I'll hold him.

[BABY HICCUPPING]

Sometimes it helps.
It's okay, kid. Relax.

-It stopped.
-Yeah. Gosh, thanks, Officer
Dibble.

You see? Now, don't worry,
the baby's gonna be okay.

TOP CAT: Oh, Dib. Here.
-What's that?

-A diaper, just in case.
DIBBLE: Oh, yeah? Thanks.

Dibble, wait!

You better take this too.

I think it's still
the right temperature.

Okay. Thanks.
Come on, Charlie. Let's go.

It's a good thing
Charlie didn't pay any dues.

He sure didn't
keep his membership long.

He sure didn't.

I don't get it.
How could anyone leave a baby?

[HICCUPS]

It's okay, kid. Take it easy.

[LAUGHS]

That did it.

What is this, #East Lynne# or
something? You're all acting
like it's a B picture.

Okay, so we lost the kid.
Anyway, we tried.

Come on, we got other things to
do than feel sorry for
ourselves.

I thought you guys were hungry.
Well, let's find
something to eat.

It happens that Dibble
is right this time.

They can take better care of
Charlie. We couldn't even stop
his hiccups.

Hey, T.C. Ain't that the police
station
where Dibble took the baby?

TOP CAT: Oh, yeah, I forgot.
I was taking a shortcut.

Gosh. I wonder how Charlie is
doing.
Maybe we can see him, huh?

DIBBLE: Oh, T.C., hold it!
-Huh? Oh, it's you, Dibble.

Well, did you sweat out a
confession
out of the kid? Did he talk?

Cut it out, T.C. I came out
to tell you fellas the good
news.

-You stopped Charlie's hiccups?
DIBBLE: Better than that.

We found the baby's mother
and she wants him back.

She's sorry she left the baby...

...and we're gonna see that
it won't happen again.

The boys in the station here
took up a collection...

...and everything will be all
right.
Now, if you'll wait a second...

...I think Charlie would like
to wave goodbye to you
characters.

-There he is. I see him.
-Where? Where?

-Second window to the right.
Upstairs.
-Yeah.

CHOO CHOO: So long, Charlie.
BRAIN: Bye, Charlie.

-Take care of yourself.
BENNY: So long, Charlie.

[BABBLING]

Okay, okay, we saw the kid.
Now let's go.

We still got Operation Food to
finish, remember?

We got no time for sentiment.

Boy, I wish I could be
tough and hard like T.C.

He's got nerves of steel.
Nothing upsets him.

Yeah, man.
That's a real cool cat.

TOP CAT: Hey, Benny?
-Yeah, T.C.

-You got a handkerchief I could
borrow?
BENNY: Sure, T.C. Here.

TOP CAT:
Thanks.

[BLOWS NOSE]

Well, what's the matter
with you guys?

Didn't you ever see anyone
with something in his eye
before?

CHOO CHOO:
Sure, we did, T.C., but not you.

All right, move it! Let's get
going. We gotta get busy and dig
up food.

Spook, you promote the pizza.
Chooch, the franks.

And, Fancy, you get the spuds.
Come on, now. Let's move, men!

I'll, uh, catch up
with you in a minute.

Well, so long, Charlie boy.
So long, son.

Son? Did I say that? Son?

Oh, boy, that's the end, huh?

I'll tell you, those kids, they
can ruin you if you
don't watch out.

They're-- They're dangerous.

All right. Let's move it, men!

Remember, there's only six of us
now, and this is a rich city.

There's plenty for all of us.
All we gotta do is find it.

Let's dig, dig, dig, men.

Top Cat

The most effectual Top Cat

Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C

Providing it's with dignity

Top Cat

The indisputable
leader of the g*ng

He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship

He's the most tip top,
Top Cat

Yes he's a chief, he's a king,
But above everything

He's the most tip top,
Top Cat