01x10 - The Whining Pirates of Tortuga

[bunniefuu]

hmm

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whew

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easy

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our camera crew has risked life in limb

to bring you these rare

never-before-seen images of the terrible

and carnivorous razor-toothed monkeys of

the tierra del fuego

he what a brave adventurer

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the hungry creatures have set upon a

giant kilosaurian lizard and are

viciously devouring it

a mad monkey's ravenous appetite and

homicidal cravings appear to be finally

satiated a peaceful calm returns to the

jungle as my crew thankfully

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turkey's broken his chain is about to

eat those defenseless little kittens

this way

S*ddam has canal the librarian's head

has popped off S*ddam pez comes

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[Applause]

the lemming is driving recklessly

libsallah bully bully

we'll just have to wait till he gets

tired and goes home

i think we're gonna be here for a while

what the heck were you guys doing over

there in sharky's yard anyway don't you

know he's dangerous

well

yeah you could have wound up with some

serious abrasions it was mushy's idea oh

we were just looking for some adventure

eek our little kitten lives are pretty

dull didn't you ever want to look for

adventure when you were a little weak

well gee come to think of it i did have

an adventure once tell us

tell us

well i guess we have time for one little

story

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let's see i remember a time when i was a

young kitten i was visiting my uncle

matt eagle

uncle matt was a great inventor and

often asked me for help

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now look here yeah great

peyton hi i'm gonna giggle

what you doing

is that an obvious lady i'm a working on

a better mousetrap now please be

quitting with the bothering and be off

with you is there anything i can do to

help uncle matego is there is there no

laddie no if you're wanting to watch why

don't you make yourself scarce over

there and don't be a touching anything

you mean like this uncle mac i shouldn't

touch this

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you're sure i can't help uncle mac

there's nothing i can do what you can do

laddie is never do that again do what

pull the liver laddie pull the lever

sure uncle mac

no

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uh-oh uncle mac looks like this device

has a few glitches that still need to be

ironed out huh can i help can i huh can

i actually lady i really could use your

help do you know anything about treasure

hunting

well not much really good good

well guess what i have here a treasure

my bloody it's a lincoln treasure map

lincoln treasure map where's the eyes

it's a real treasure map if you follow

it you'll find your real pirate treasure

diamonds with rubies the kings ransom

enough to finance me inventions for

years to come laddie oh yeah that's

right daddy now don't you be coming back

till you get yourself some pirate booty

booty i thought i was looking for

treasure not you no

no laddie you'll be looking for real

pirates treasure and like a real pirate

you shouldn't return until you find it

wow real pirate treasure i won't fail

hunk that's a good boy now off you go

that shall keep the lad occupied for

four or five

boy this is months that i can help out

uncle mac d for an old treasure map this

ink seems pretty fresh

now let's see the first thing i'm

supposed to look for is some kind of

windmill

hey that's the windmill oh boy this is

gonna be easier than i thought hey i

don't remember that kitty being an

obstacle on this hole probably bounce

the ball off its head right

yeah hole in one your turn

hey that kitty obstacle's moving he's

headed for the windmill

ha ha you'll never hit it now oh yeah

watch this

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now i'm supposed to take 900 paces to

the right and look for the big x

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yeah i've gotten this far and haven't

even come up against any dangerous

characters what the gee

some kids must have misplaced our

pigskin

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oh

barbarians football

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hmm

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but i can't help thinking of what

happened to the titanic no squishy lips

don't you worry that pretty little

cranium of yours today's modern luxury

liners are virtually unsinkable

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uh-oh something tells me that was a bad

thing

well in a situation like this there's

only one thing to do 100 million bottles

of milk on the wall 100 million bottles

of milk yet take one down and pass it

around 99 999 million bottles of milk on

the wall

two bottles of milk on the wall

two bottles of milk yes take corn down

and pass it around

one bottle of milk on the wall

it's hot

aren't we there yet i'm really hot i

have to go to the bathroom if the

captain hadn't taken the time to set

stumpy bart adrift we'd probably be on

by now

i'm sick of crackers

oh you guys aren't talking about mutiny

again are you well g captain i mean when

you said stumpy part of drift he did

curse all of us and vowed he'd return to

see you burn in the hot place oh man

stuffy bart was set adrift two years ago

he's in davy jones's locker by now don't

give up we'll find treasure eventually

dunk on it we're the whining pirates of

tortuga and we never give up unless

we're too tired

oh no

we hit something oh great i'll bet my

whole dried bug collection fell over boy

am i glad i ran into you guys i've been

a drift forever oh no it's stumpy bart

come for revenge

oh

you'll never get me a curse inspector

i'm not going in there that water looks

cold

oh please stumpy bart don't hurt us

we're just humble whining pirates what

can we do to win your favor

oh i don't know wanna come with me to

look for treasure i've gotta try and

find some so my uncle mckegel can pay

for his inventions he's been better you

know and he glory be this looks like the

map that leads to the haunted isle of

marlenia the island of the cyclops and

the forbidden temple of big zillow it is

it

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oh is that where you want us to be

sailing to captain shall we set sail for

melania well sure if that's where the

treasure is all right all right we'll do

is you please just don't hurt us don't

make us work too hard well gee i

wouldn't do that you guys oh captain but

uh eek you are just unfair and we will

sail this craft to whatever you please

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and nothing funny were happens to us i

wish i was back at home i hate being a

pirate

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hey

hey hey you guys land land h*

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don't forget the map oh my shoes are

gonna fill up with sand i just know it

come on guys it looks like we should go

this way see why am i always last in

line you

i am i am you think you got it bad try

eating crackers all your life

gee fellas feel free to go first i don't

mind thanks i feel really special now

yeah me too

first in line oh what a sensation

oh great quick sand we're dome we'll

never get loud you're not why any

pirates i once read somewhere that to

keep the surviving quicksand is to

remain perfectly still

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all right whiny pirates now pull

no i meant the other pirates quick pig

give me a hint uh hook

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i'm dirty my clothes are ruined we've

got to get through this jungle and

somehow get to the top of that volcano

where the forbidden temple is well we

better get going even though my feet

hurt

boy there's there are a lot of

mosquitoes around here i'm being eaten

alive not me i used my smarts and

slathered every inch of my epidermis

with mosquito repellent i'm fine

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oh look honey pirates every time we

picnic

i hate these things all those eyes and

you get the sprague the spray

it's getting so you can't get through a

weekend anymore

honey there's one on you

this way why any pirates

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hmm this is kind of a fuzzy little

pirate i'll bet it tastes good don't be

gross look at that thing those eyes more

than one it's wrong ew gonna eat it

gonna eat it

huh

well will you look at this honey your

contact lens

hey i can see you again this is great

i've been looking for this thing for

years everything's so much clearer

[Laughter]

so much clearer

i owe you a dental thanks little pirate

bell not at all mr cyclops it never

hurts to help well there must be

something i could do for you

well me and the pirates here are trying

to get up to the top of that volcano to

try and find treasure well heck i could

get you up there with no trouble at all

really that'd be swell sure hop on

thanks for the lift mr cyclops my coins

were k*lling me it's about time we took

a little rest this is really swell of

you mr cyclops i've never ridden on a

cyclops before don't mention it you say

you want to go all the way to the top

huh yes

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[Applause]

what a nice little people

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hey you guys that must be the bridge

that leads to the cave of bugs

what stinks oh no

i've heard legends about this but i

never thought it was real what it's the

lost valley of the river of man-eating

gym socks follow me men step exactly

where i stand

[Applause]

they've gone to a better place lady

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this must be the cave come on men gee

it's kind of dark and spooky in here

we'd better light a match

please put it out just put it

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look whiny out

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this is it what the treasure laddie it's

the lost temple of bigzilla

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legend has it that thousands of years

ago the temple was protected by a giant

reptile known as bigzilla

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kumbaya look

gosh there's enough treasure here to

keep uncle mac and inventions for a

lifetime and it's ours for the pilfering

although it looks really heavy i'm glad

big zello is only a legend oh sure it

was captain kitty we're a few thousand

years too late to tangle with such a

nefarious sounding creature say pig

seems to want to tell us something

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just humor the man lady go man go

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hey wait a minute i don't think peg's

dancing i think he's pointing oh

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the angry monster chased us far and wide

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hey thanks little fella i feel so much

better i must have had that thing stuck

in my foot for a thousand years it made

me very irritable it was no trouble at

all mr zilla you know i'm so grateful

i'm gonna let you keep the treasure gee

really hurray we'll split it up right

there in the middle pirates yay

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i'm back and boy what an adventure i had

back so soon eh yeah boy it was fun

there were pirates and monsters and a

big island a giant lizard and a clown

and a camel really yeah thanks it was

really fun let me know if you ever find

another one of those nifty maps again oh

you can count on it lad well here's your

treasure guess i better get home my

mom's probably got dinner ready by now

so long

hootman what an imagination pirates

desert clowns giant lizards treasure

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and uncle back used the treasure to

invent one of the most important marvels

of the century the spring-loaded

reusable toothpick

pirates me on eating gym socks big zilla

yeah right what's the matter don't you

believe me uh you're a funny catty but

we're kittens not dodo birds yeah come

on you guys we can get out of here now

shark dogs finally gone yeah maybe big

zulu scared him away

pardon me there fellas i was wondering

if you'd seen my friend eek the cat

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hey

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