05x09 - Strike it or Not/Moose in Love

[bunniefuu]

SINGER: Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

SINGER:
Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-SINGER: Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me

GIRL: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY: Did someone take my lunch?

SINGER: Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Scuff marks! I can't show them to you
'cause I can't pick 'em up.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

I love free period.

-[GASPS]
-One side, Bronte!

Gold stars!
Are there no gold stars in this school?

Paper towels! Where are the paper towels?

Cheese and crackers!
This thing still hasn't been fixed?

I need to copy 26 quizzes by next period!

VERA: Make that 30.

You got four new students
transferring in today.

Nice outfit, Carlotta.

It looks almost as pretty today
as it did yesterday.

Well, if we ever get that raise, maybe
I'll be able to afford another outfit!

Where's the coffee?

-You again, Bronte?
-They were out of pear nectar.

ABRIOLA: But you know the school only
gives us one instant coffee packet a day!

-Your day was yesterday, today was my day!
-[BELL RINGING]

-My day!
-[expl*si*n]

Well, I guess I'll just have
to make it an oral pop quiz.

Tenth one in a row,
in case you didn't know!

VERA: Bronte,
you're covering for Ms. Ford again.

Pottery wheel accident.

I hate free period.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-You're late, Pearson!
-But so are you!

Class doesn't start until I get here,
therefore, I'm never late!

[GASPS, SCREAMS]

What I wouldn't give to get Mr. Carter
off my back for one stinkin' week!

That tears it!

Alert the other teachers!

Students, class is dismissed!

Effective immediately, the teachers
are going out on strike!

So...

happy...

can't...

breathe.

And after the smelling salts revived me

Trinket invited everyone
to her Hawaiian-themed pool party!

Pepper Ann, this is no time for parties!
This strike is ripping our school in half!

Come on, Nicky.

Those greedy tyrants known as "teachers"

just wanna get paid more money
to make our lives miserable!

Hardly.
Studies show that class sizes are growing

while teacher salaries are declining!

I, for one, am starting
a letter writing campaign

demanding that teachers
get the pay they deserve!

Milo, are you with me?

No way Jose, I'm going to Trinket's.

Milo's in!

Let 'em fight it out for weeks
for all I care.

-I'm hitting Trinket's pool party!
-Wait up!

So, Milo, how's that tongue of yours?
Ready to lick a thousand envelopes?

Unhand me woman!
Don't make me hurt you.

That's the spirit!

Give us our pay hike
Or you can watch us stee-rike!

PEPPER ANN: All right, people,
comin' through, watch your backs.

Hey, Mr. Finky?

How long do ya think
this strike's gonna last?

'Cause if it's only a week,
Trinket's pool will be fine.

But if you think it'll go any longer,
I'm thinkin' Lake Tammy.

We'll "step off" when the school board
gives us some props

for our blood, sweat, and tears!

I don't know what you're saying.

Pepper Ann, we love teaching,

but we can barely live
on what they're paying us!

They won't even give us
our cost-of-living pay raise!

That was the straw
that broke the camel's back!

Look! This cheap yarn is all I can afford!

Ms. Sneed, no!

Well, you greedy tyrants
have a fun pity party, I'm outie.

COACH DOOGAN: Oh, and hey!

Did we happen to mention they also want
to slash the soccer program?

[VERA COUGHS]

Careful.

Since the strike started,
he's been a little on edge.

Principal Hickey, I demand that you...

...leave the soccer program alone?

It's out of my hands, Pearson.

The school board's
making the budget cuts, not me.

-But who's...
-In charge of the school board?

Superintendent Radcliffe.
But times are tough.

There just isn't any more money
in the budget for the teachers,

let alone the extracurricular activities.

So, you're just going to stand by
and watch?

Reruns of Guess My Mama?
I hate that show. Always have.

But as for the budget cuts,

there's nothing
I or the school board can do.

They're doing their best
with the money they have,

but they simply don't have enough
to make everyone happy.

Well, if you won't stand up
for our soccer program,

then I'm left with no other choice
but to...

Cross-stitch? Throw horseshoes?
Jump up, jump up, and get down?

No. I got something else in mind.

Give us our pay hike
Or you can watch us stee-rike!

Give us back our soccer team
Or we'll be really mad and stuff!

Well, look, who's come to join
our greedy tyrant pity party!

Hey, I'm not any more thrilled
about this than you are.

I'm just doing this for the soccer team.

Give us back our soccer team
Or we'll be really mad and stuff!

Give us back our soccer team
Or we'll be really mad and stuff!

Give us back our soccer team or we'll...

something...
something...

Pearson, you're dehydrated. Now, sit out
for a while and I'll cover for ya!

I'm fine.
I don't need your help, Uncle JoJo.

For... Have I taught you nothing?
The whole reason...

Well, one of the reasons
I left the convent was to become a coach.

To show you girlies
teamwork, teamwork, teamwork!

We're on the same team here!

I'm the soccer coach

and I want to keep my soccer team
as much as you do!

You're right.

But if we're gonna do this,
we need all the help we can get!

Tiki-wiki, hi-li-li...

DIETER: Bonzai!

Excuse me, everyone.

Hello!

Free Chillade!

Sorry to interrupt,

but the school board
is threatening to can the soccer team!

Oh, please.
They've been saying that for years.

But they're serious this time!

Trust me, we have to stand up
for what we believe in!

So let me get this straight.

We could spend our time off
walking the pavement

with gross, sweaty teachers,

or we can hang out here and spend the week

having fun
and getting the ultimate suntan.

[CHEERING]

-Marco?
-Polo!

Free poi!

It was awful!
I just wanted them to listen to me

to get them to understand
what's at stake here!

But they didn't even care!

Welcome to the wonderful world
of being a teacher!

Half the struggle
is getting you kids to listen!

Hey, maybe I'd listen better
if classes weren't so boring!

Yeah, and maybe classes
wouldn't be so boring

if I didn't have 29 other students
to teach at the same time.

Students who don't grasp science
quite as quickly as you do!

Well, maybe...

You think I'm good at science?

You're one of the best I've got!

But other students need more attention.

They're the ones that suffer the most
from overcrowded classrooms!

Wow. I guess I never
really thought of it like that.

Well, well, well,

are you girlies gonna start
braiding each other's hair

or are we gonna picket?

And so I booty-scooted my way on up
to the rodeo regionals

and was crowned champ
by the Hazelnut Steer Queen!

So, that's how you got that jacket
that says "Sherm Fly Guy Finky"?

I always thought you found it
in the trash or something!

That's when I said, "Carlotta Sneed
gives up her yarn for no one,

"certainly not the establishment!

"Either love my knitting needles
or hit the highway!"

You go, sister!

So, what made you wanna teach,
Ms. Bladdar?

You wanna change the world?

Make the future a better place
for your children's children?

I won't lie. I'm lookin' for a man.

...and Ms. Stark played Willamina Loman
in the Off Broadway,

all-female production
of Death of a Saleswoman.

NICKY: That's what I've been writing about
in my "Save Our Schools" newsletter.

That teachers are real people
who work hard for little pay.

So, why hasn't the school board
given in yet?

Well, unfortunately,

if the school board
doesn't have any more money,

then there's no way they can give in.

Well, I'm not giving up.

I'm gonna go help
Mr. Finky pass out fliers!

You silly!

Pepper Ann, there you are!

Superintendent Radcliffe
is about to make a statement

about the school budget cut situation!

Good afternoon. As you all know,

the recent budget cuts
have been tough for all of us.

Not just for our educators, but for...

Clowny Appleseed? Burgess Meredith?
How about the check-out boy at Smiley's?

...the school board.

But thanks
to the state board of education,

who has agreed to give us more money,

I am pleased to announce
that school sports such as soccer,

football, and log rolling
will remain firmly intact!

We did it!
They're not canning the soccer team!

We can go home!

You can, Pepper Ann,
but we teachers still have to strike.

They're not offering us any more money.

I'm sure they'll give in soon.
It's just a matter of time, right?

Actually, Pepper Ann,
if we strike for much longer,

it'll just be a matter of time
before they replace us

with someone fresh out of college
who's willing to work for less pay.

We'll be fired, out of a job,
and that'll be the end of it.

He's right, Pearson.

A low-paying job
is better than no job at all.

Okay, all those in favor
of ending the strike?

Yay!

I guess.

All opposed?

Nay! If you guys quit now,

you'll go back
to your over-crowded classes,

you'll never get your raises,

and Ms. Sneed'll wear the same ugly dress
for the rest of her miserable life!

No offense.

Look, I know some of you
are afraid of losing your jobs,

and I don't blame you.

But, I, for one,
am standing up for what I believe in.

Give them their pay hike
Or you can watch 'em stee-rike!

Give 'em their pay hike
Or you can watch 'em stee-rike!

Give us our pay hike
Or you can watch us stee-rike!

"And a week after it began,

"thanks to the tireless efforts
of the HMS teachers,

"the strike ended."

"The school board decided
to reallocate funds and give in

"to many of the teachers' demands..."

"...such as slightly smaller classes
and a much overdue cost-of-living increase

"in teacher salaries.

"Some of the teachers' demands,
however, were not met..."

"But with the strike settled,

"HMS can now look forward
to a better educational environment

"as the school and the community,
continue on into the new millennium."

Well, I got to admit, Milo.

I have a whole new respect
for our teachers,

just like they have
a whole new respect for me!

You're late, Pearson!

What? After everything
we've been through together?

After everything I did to help?

Milo, back me up here!

You see, Mr. Carter, Pepper Ann doesn't
mean to be late. It's just her way.

It's what she does. It's who she is.
So if you want to punish her,

then so be it. But personally...

Oh, forget it.
No one wants to read that much.

LYDIA: Goodnight, Mitch.
Have fun on the "cutie cruise"!

Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

[LAUGHS]

[HUMS]

Hello to you on this fine day!
Operation underwear's underway!

Lydia Pearson. How nice.

Well, you're the last person
I'd ever expect to see here.

Margot LeSandre.

I didn't think you worked
during happy hour.

Funny. Ha-ha.

So, are you here for a reason?

Actually,
I saw a nightgown in the window I liked.

Oh, that nightgown is simply divine!

I own one myself.

Tell you what, why don't you try it on?

It is 100% silk,
made by the designer Jose de France.

Part of his exquisite
Spring in Paris Collection.

What size would you be wearing?

Oh, you know, 14 or so.

Excusez moi, did you say... four?

Fourteen. Size 14!

Oh, dear. I am so sorry, Lydia,

they just don't make this nightgown
in that size.

But maybe you could sew two together, huh?

No, thank you.

Do you have anything similar in my size?

Actually, yes I do!

Pure comfort. A large girth
to accommodate that middle-age spread,

and a hood for warmth!

That's not really what I was looking for.

Oh, face it, Lydia.

Lingerie manufacturers
aren't exactly thinking

about women like you when they design
these pretty little nightgowns!

No, they're thinking about women like you,

aging beauty queens
with more money than sense!

[GASPS]

Hi, Mom.

Peppie, stop goofing off
and do your homework!

What's with her?

Old people.

Hey, you look different.

Are you wearing a barrette?

[MOOSE CHUCKLES]

"Dear Moose.

"I like your freckles,
and I like your dimples,

"and most of all
I like the way your kneecap moves around.

"Signed..."

Shnookieshnuggles!

How dare you snoop
in your sister's room, Pepper Ann.

That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!

She's been acting weird all week,
and now I know why.

She's in love!

I just wish I knew who the lucky boy is.

Could it be Crash?

-What about Craig Bean's little brother?
-Doughy Joey Bean? He's allergic to Moose.

He won't even come near her in class
or his face will swell up.

Unless the very fact
that they can never be together

is what fuels their love,

just like when Tristan and Isolde
accidentally drank that love potion

when Isolde was supposed
to marry King Mark, or Romeo and Juliet...

Joey Bean couldn't tie his own shoes
until last summer.

I've got to find out
who the real boyfriend is.

And I've got the perfect plan.

It's crazy,
but it's so crazy it just might work.

Who's your boyfriend?

-Sean.
-Mm-hmm.

Moosie has a boyfriend
Moosie has a boyfriend

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.

-I promise not to tell Mom.
-She knows.

What? How come you told Mom but not me?

-Mom doesn't taunt me.
-Right.

Well, tell me all about him.

What he's like, how you met,
yadda, yadda, yadda...

Well...

Can I sit here?

Are you eating a sloppy joe?

Me, too!

So, you were both eating sloppy joes,
and that was it?

Sometimes that's all it takes.

So, Sean...

Moose tells me
you're an excellent dodgeball player.

[LAUGHS]

Aw shucks, Mrs. Pearson,
Moose is the good one.

And that's when I decided
that I want to be a male nurse.

That's a fine goal, Sean!

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Oh, my! That must be your mother!

Lydia Pearson.

I had no idea this was your house.

Oh, I had no idea this was your son.

Well, when Sean told me
he had a special friend,

I didn't realize it was "your" daugh...
[SCREAMS]

Well, nice meeting, everyone, buh-bye.
Come on, Sean, let's go home now.

SEAN: Bye, Moose! I'll call ya later!

Get in the car, Sean.

I do not want you
to see that child ever again.

Moose, I don't know
if it's such a good idea

for you to continue to see that boy.

What? But why?

Because I said so.
Now I'm sorry, but that's that.

MOOSE: It isn't fair!

Mom, why are you wigging?
Sean is a nice kid.

A little loud, but nice!

Yes, he's very nice, Peppie.

It's not him. It's his mother.

Margot LeSandre is a horrible,
hateful person,

and I don't want to put my little Moosie
in a position where she could be hurt.

-Hey Moose, are you okay?
-Fine.

Look, Moose, I know it's not fair
that mom won't let you see Sean.

But you can't just run away!

You can have my dried beetle collection.

Good luck, Peppie.

Come on, now.
Let's think of a better option.

There's got to be something we can do.

She wants you to help her and Sean
see each other in secret?

It's so sad and beautiful and romantic!

I just don't know if I should do this.
I mean, they're only seven years old.

Pepper Ann,
this is for the most noble purpose of all,

true love.

Where would Romeo and Juliet
have been without the nurse?

Or Tristan and Isolde
without the handmaiden?

Well, I suppose it is true love.

-MOOSE: Hi.
-SEAN: Is this a secure line?

MOOSE: Peppie's guarding the phone.

LYDIA: Excuse me, Peppie,
I need to call grandma.

She left her teeth
in the dishwasher again.

No! Wait! You can't!
I need to talk to you about something!

Well, what is it?

Womanhood.

...and that's the miracle,
the great biological dance,

if you will, that is womanliness!

You're kidding, right?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SEAN: Psst.

I wrote a poem for Moose.

Fine, give it to me.

I didn't write it down,
'cause that's evidence.

You have to memorize it
and repeat it to her.

"There once was a girl named Moose
Whose skateboard had run out of juice

"One day she got sick
Of staying home like a brick

"And she came to school riding a goose"

Say it again.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[GASPS, SCREAMS]

What are you doing?

I'm here to see Moose!

Next window! Try again!

Those two crazy kids.

Well, at least they got a happy ending,
just like Tristan and whoever.

Actually,
Tristan and Isolde ended up dead.

-Well, like Romeo and Juliet, then.
-Dead.

That was fiction.

This story's gonna have a happy ending.

-[SEAN SCREAMS]
-[THUDS]

This is all her fault!

It's all his fault!

You can't blame them, they're kids!

MOOSE: We had to go behind your backs.
We didn't have a choice.

I don't see why you hate each other
so much anyway.

I'll tell you why!

It all started when we were
in junior college.

Excuse me, which way is Hagg Auditorium?

Stupid can't find her way.

[LAUGHTER]

She said that?

Don't you worry, Lydia,
I'll take care of Margot LeSandre.

-She's coming this way!
-Go on, get outta here.

This might get ugly.

I adore whales.
Such large, noble creatures.

I only hope
this very small donation helps.

I'd rather let all the whales die
than take this.

Your money's no good, Margot,
and neither are you!

That's why you and Janie
have hated me for all these years?

Lydia, I never heard
you ask for directions,

because I'm deaf in that ear,

which I guess explains
why Sean shouts so much, huh?

And when I said the words,
"Stupid can't find her way,"

I was talking about that hit song!
Remember?

Stupid can't find her way

Through the maze of love

Stupid can't find her way

Needs help from above

You mean all these years...

Look what we drove our kids to!
It's all my fault!

No, it's all my fault!

It's all Janie's fault!

Stop! Can't you see
it was all a big misunderstanding?

I guess you're right, Peppie.

Oh, it's nobody's fault.

Exactly! It's nobody's fault.

Well, you know,
except that you disobeyed me

by helping Sean and Moose see each other
when I had expressly forbidden it.

If I were you, Lydia,
I'd ground her for three weeks.

You're absolutely right.

Peppie, you're grounded for three weeks.

You up for some coffee at the cafeteria?

So have you heard about
that "cutie cruise"

down at Hazelnut Harbor?

I hear there's 15 men to every woman!

[LAUGHS]

Wanna go to the senior ward
and put on a puppet show?

You don't gotta ask me twice.

[MUSIC PLAYING]