05x11 - Searching for Pepper Ann Pearson/Forging Ahead

[bunniefuu]

SINGER: Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

SINGER: Oh, you're talking
About what's her name

-SINGER: Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Is she lame?
Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me.

GIRL: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY: Did someone take my lunch?

SINGER: Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Scuff marks! I can't show them to you
'cause I can't pick 'em up.

PEPPER ANN:
Isn't spring the coolest?

There's flowers everywhere!

And those cocoon thingies start hatching
and butterflies pop out!

And look! The sky's sunny all the time!

Man, there's no better way
to spend a spring day

-than to just sprawl out and...
-VERA: Pepper Ann!

...rot in detention.

If ya'd shut yer huge yappin' head,

someday we'd get outta this joint!

For the last time, no talking.

No looking out the window. Nothing.

Don't make me get medieval on you.

But, Vera, it's the first day of spring!

You both should have thought about that

before you put a rattrap
to Mr. Carter's new toupee.

It looked like it was attacking him!
We learned our lesson!

Zip yer gaping maw!

BIRD: Taste freedom, Pepper Ann!

Do it! Escape!

PEPPER ANN: Spring fever,
need sunlight, must escape!

Hey! Hey!

[GASPS]

MS. STARK: I don't give a flying flute
about your puny little bad rehearsal!

PEPPER ANN: Whoa!

BOY: Who is she?

She looks like Scully
without the pant suit!

-Maybe she's a hologram!
-Pardon them.

They have all the social skills
of rabid baboons.

PEPPER ANN:
What is this place?

This place is the Chess Club!

-Checkmate.
-Why do I even try?

Why?

A new opponent.
My name's Alf. Have a seat.

Say, are you named after...

No! And just to warn you,
I haven't lost a game

since Deep Voyager Five was pre-empted
by El Niño coverage.

Needless to say, I just wasn't myself.
Your move.

-Sorry, but I don't really...
-Don't be intimidated.

Chess is quite simple really.

The rook moves here.
The knight like that.

The queen can go there, there,
or anywhere.

But the pawns only there
and the king only there.

And the king and the rook
can switch here and...

Stop! I get it. Let's play.

Bingo!

You mean checkmate.

All I know is my horsie
takes your king, dude.

And that means "I beat your booty."

Well, see ya!

Wait. This can't be.
You've never played chess!

No, but my friend Nicky
took me to see that movie

about the guy who was really good.

Bobby Fischer!

No. My friend, Nicky.

Another game! Just play me one more game!
Then you can go.

Sorry, Charlie, chess is boring.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late
for an appointment with Mr. Sunshine!

Call me "Mr. Sunshine."

Wow. You lost, Alf.
That means she's the reigning champ!

But who was that alien genius?

I don't know. But I'm going to find out.

I found her!
"Pepper Ann Pearson."

Set your lasers on stunning!

Hey, look at this!
"Pearson is Soccer Sensation!"

"Pearson is Football Sensation!"

"Pearson Involved in
Bizarre Trampoline Incident!"

This Pepper Ann is nothing more
than a show off.

Rest assured, I will find her
and I will regain my title!

ALF: She's obviously regaling her friends
with news of her victory.

All right, boys, let's move in.

And so the elephant says,
"That's nose to me"!

Get it? Nose?

Oh, hey! Guys, this is Alf.
I beat him playing chess today.

-Say, are you named after...
-No!

Pepper Ann? Winning a game of chess?

A game requiring intense concentration
and calculation?

Oh, that's rich!

No offense.

It's totally not a big deal.
It's just chess.

ALF: Just chess?

Well, if it's just chess,
then play me in a rematch.

The chess room. Five minutes.
What do you say?

Thanks, but spending my lunch hour
sitting in "Geek Centrale",

moving around little plastic horsies,
isn't my cup of tea.

Oh, I get it. You're scared.

Unless you can use that cowlick of yours
as some kinda weapon,

there is nothing about you that scares me.

So just play me.

Checkmate.

Checkmate.

Checkmate.

Check... Oh, I'm sorry.
It's still your move.

Checkmate.

Pepper Ann, I'm stunned.

You're a chess prodigy.

It's like that movie you saw
with Bobby Fischer! Remember?

Nicky, I saw that movie with you.

Besides, who cares about chess?

I care! It's what I do.

I play this game to win,
and I'm not stopping until I win!

Then play someone else, 'cause I'm outie.

It's time for this little prodigy
to play some Crunch Pod.

Nose to me!
I just got it!

How dare she just breeze in
from out of nowhere,

steal my title, and breeze out!

I must get her to play me again!

It's the only way I can regain my title

-and set things right with the world!
-But she refuses.

I'll follow her to the ends of the earth
if I have to.

Starting with where she plays Punch Crod.

What's Punch Crod?

Crunch Pod is part
of the video game phenomenon.

It involves computer graphics
and rapid-fire sound effects,

which as*ault the senses.

In short, brain candy for the weak-minded.

MALE VOICE: Body blow! Body blow!
Body blow! Body blow!

MALE VOICE:
In space, no one can hear you.

MALE VOICE: Drag race!

I demand a rematch!

Beat it, Alf! I'm on level 12!

PEPPER ANN:
[SCREAMS] Our game!

Car... sick.

MAN: Clean up. Aisle four.

So, are you ready to play me?

Move it, Alfie, you're blocking my shot!

-Tired. Okay, tired.
-COACH DOOGAN: Hey, you!

If you're gonna be on the field,
it's fine.

But you gotta hustle!

[HUMMING]

COACH DOOGAN:
No, not the Hustle!

Just hustle!

Hey, girleen. Whatcha been up to?

-What the...
-He's a sore loser chess freak.

Just ignore him. That's what I'm doing.

I'll have the Triple Chocolate
Death-Blast Sundae.

Ditto.

Haven't you heard
the lactose horror stories?

What's your problem?

Thankfully, knock wood,
I don't have one.

I mean, I've never really tasted ice cream
or any sort of dairy products for fear

that I might have an LP.
You know, lactose problem.

And don't get me started
on those synthetic fat-free chips! Yikes!

I mean, in general, what's your problem?

What the...

It's only getting worse, guys!

I haven't eaten a meal in peace
in the last three days!

Ugh! How does he do that!

Pepper Ann, we all have
our little obsessions.

Remember when I used to be obsessed
with Jane Eyre?

I would watch Joan Fontaine
in the classic film version,

and then I would play, then rewind,
then play, then rewind,

then play, then rewind
until I almost lost my mind!

Come back to me, Jane! Come back!

But that was then, this is now.
Maybe Alf is already over it.

Well, now that you mention it,
I haven't actually seen him today.

Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah!

-I have.
-Oh, yeah. I'm a rook!

I'm a rook!

Enough! Why can't you get it
through your thick skull

once and for all that I'm not
going to play you?

News flash, you lost! Deal with it!

I don't care how,
just as long as you don't do it around me!

I've seen you, Pepper Ann.

I know you're good at science,
and soccer, and talking to people.

Me, I'm only good at one thing. Chess.
And now that's gone.

And I'm left with, well, nothing.

Sorry for bothering you.

He'll get over it, right?

I mean, no matter what he says,
chess is still just a game. Right?

Sure it is, Pepper Ann.
Just like soccer is just a game.

Or Crunch Pod for that matter.

Someone should really do something
about that first step.

Oh, it's her.

Is Alf around?

No one's seen him for days,

thanks to you, Miss "Let's Shatter
Someone's Ego in the Cafeteria

Right In Front of Everyone."

I just wanted to tell him that, well,

you guys may be a little bit out there.

Not that there's anything wrong
with being "out there."

But just because something's
not important to me

doesn't mean it's not important
to somebody else.

So, if you see him, tell him I'm sorry.

I appreciate that, Pepper Ann.
But you know something?

There is more to life than just chess.

In the past few days,
I got ten high scores on Crunch Pod!

I learned how to program
the new scoreboard!

And last night, I ate
a Triple Chocolate Death Blast Sundae!

-And you loved it?
-No!

I am totally and completely
lactose intolerant!

But I never would have known
if I hadn't tried it.

And then I got to thinking
that I've never been good at anything else

'cause I've never tried to be good
at anything else.

That's great, Alf.

But if you want,
I'll play you one more game of chess.

-To set things straight.
-Okay.

Bingo!

I lost?

But how is that possible! I'm a prodigy!

I probably just got lucky.

Come on, Pepper Ann.
It's a nice day!

Heck, it's spring!

Let's go out and do something
we've never done!

Like fly-fishing!

Fly-fishing?

I'm being spontaneous.
Go with me here.

Uh-uh. Not 'til you play me again!
Come on, one game. Just one.

Oh, now I get it.

You're scared!

Scared of the prodigy!

Hey! I know you can hear me!
I'm talking to 'ya.

Hey, come back here!

Come on, one game!

Get up, see!

Get up, see!

Get up...

No more snoozing, honey!

The early Peppie gets the worm. [LAUGHS]

Peppie, save some water for the fishes.

Despite being hounded from my sleep

and rushed through my morning
beauty routine,

I have managed to salvage
a perfect hair day!

Peppie, you've got to eat something
for breakfast.

PEPPER ANN:
Sorry, Mom, no time for toa...

LYDIA: If you don't eat now,
you'll be hungry at school,

you won't be able to concentrate,
you'll flunk out and end up working

gum removal at Hazelnut Amphitheater.

Pepper Ann Pearson, are you leaving
this house without your helmet?

Just this one time, Mom.

You see, I have perfect hair and I...

It's better to have your hair messed up
by a helmet than a crosstown bus.

Honestly, Peppie, I'm just looking out
for your best interests.

[GROANS]

If it made you so angry,
why are you still wearing the elmet-hae?

In a matter of seconds,
my best hair to date

was savagely transformed into helmet hair
by that woman.

I can't bear to look at it.

"That woman," as you so rudely referred
to your mother,

was only looking out
for your best interests.

Nicky, you sound just like her!
My "best interests."

At the time,
my "best interest" was my hair!

I'm sick of being told what to do
and when to do it. Somehow...

I'm going to show my mom
that I can take care of myself my own way.

Not that I'm trying
to tell you how to live your life,

but you need to hold the white button
until you're over the chute.

Cool. A free set of earrings
from Clarence's Clearance Jewelry.

-Too bad none of us are pierced.
-[GASPS]

Milo, this is a sign.

I am going to get my ears pierced,

and no one's going to tell me how,
or when, or where.

It'll be completely, entirely
my "own" decision.

So should I pierce my lobes
or my upper ear?

Hey, without that white button tip,
you'd still be looking for a sign.

One of those earrings is mine, sister!

MILO:
What happens when you have to sneeze?

[HISSING]

[HISSING]

NICKY: You can't be serious.

Piercing your upper ear is
literally and metaphorically

a painful cry for attention.

I'm not looking for attention.

Piercing my upper ear
is just something I can do,

that my mom has no say in.

I'd give up government secrets
before I'd let anyone pierce my upper ear.

Not that I have any because I don't.

You know that, right?

Nicky! Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.

You can't live your life
afraid of a little pain.

Now, step aside.
Mamma's getting pierced.

And so is Poppa!

-Not in my store.
-What?

You heard the bald, pierced, growling man.
Let's go home.

Look, kids, if you're under 18,
you have to get parental consent.

You can't possibly believe
your mom's gonna go for this.

Mom has said no to me enough times.

By the time I'm through presenting
my case,

she'll beg me to pierce my ear.

MILO:
Even Cleopatra had her upper ear pierced.

Mom couldn't possibly say no to jewelry
with such historical significance.

What about the risk of serious
blood-borne infection?

This website says
that ear piercings constitute

the most socially acceptable
form of body piercings

in industrialized countries.

Now would ear piercing be acceptable

if that were really a problem?

Hey, Sketch.

I was thinking about
getting my upper ear pierced.

Does it hurt?

Ow.

Ow!

Ow!

No.

I've scoured the library and the web
and created pie charts

and colored presentation boards
outlining the piercing process.

-There's no way she can say...
-No.

But, Mom, that's how ears are
being pierced these days.

Peppie, piercing the cartilage
of your upper ear sounds dangerous

and a little barbaric.

Possibility of infection,
ear loss, and worse!

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sign
this waiver.

-But Mom.
-Peppie, trust me,

you don't want to end up looking
like Van Gogh.

I mean, how could she say no
to a pie chart?

I'm never going to be able to do
what I want to do.

I'm sorry, but she's
just doing her job as a mother.

I bet Cleopatra's mother
never said no to pie charts.

It's a small consolation,
but if you couldn't get the waiver signed,

I doubt Milo could either.

I got the waiver signed!

My stepdad signed.

He wants me to think he's cool.

I don't know if piercing body parts
is the best way to open up the lines

of father-child communication but...

Hello. You've reached Chuck Pearson
at Nice Week Blimp.

If this is Pepper Ann, press one.

If this is Joe from Helium Schmelium,
press two.

For a list of scheduled blimp appearances
in your area, press three.

To use the blimp, Pepper Ann.

I'm sorry,
but I am not going to sign that waiver.

You called to warn him?

Well, I guess I got up early enough
to beat the Peppie to the worm!

You don't trust me!

I do trust you and I am going
to let you pierce your ears.

Every time I want... What did you say?

You can pierce your ears anyway you like
when you're 13.

Thirteen! That's forever.

I want to pierce 'em now!

Peppie, this is a serious decision,

and I don't want you making it overnight.

If you really want to do it,
you'll still want to when you're 13.

Why do I always have to wait?

Because if I didn't make you wait,

my attic would be filled
with fly-fishing gear...

-I was nine.
-...a karaoke machine...

I was ten and you shouldn't knock
the classics.

...and an AstroTurf putting green.

That was so two months ago.

I am totally out of my Tiger Woods phase.

Though he is still quite a hottie.

Pepper Ann, that is my final word
on the subject.

Now, I drafted an agreement.
If you still want your upper ear

pierced at 13, and agree to maintain
a daily antibacterial ear scrub regimen,

I agree to let you.

Moose! Shrimp skewers
will be ready in ten.

All right! You've got the signature.

-But it's on the wrong piece of paper.
-Hello?

Ever heard of tracing?

You can forge Mom's signature
on the waiver.

Mom will understand once she sees
how cool you look.

Besides, you're only piercing one ear.

Even if something goes wrong,
you've still got a spare.

If you forge that waiver,
you will betray your mom's trust.

It's wrong.

Mom is just looking out
for your best interests.

Enough with the "best interests" !

If anyone knows what's
best for me, it's me!

-Nice kitty! Huh?
-[CAT MEOWS]

[SCREAMS]

Peppy, this is forging.

It's wrong, not to mention ill*gal.

And I don't make my "L's" that loopy.

I said no, and that's that...

-Well, I guess that's that.
-Yep.

I can't believe you forged
your mother's signature.

Yeah.
It took forever to get the "L" right.

It'll be a few minutes.

I already have a couple of customers
in the lancing lounger.

Now's our chance. Run.

Don't even think about it.

[SCREAMING]

All right.
I sterilized the lobe lacerator

and she's ready to rumble.

Who's next?

Maybe this isn't the best idea.

How about we just clip the earring
to my ear for a week

so I can get used to the weight?

Come on, there's nothing to fear.

This is what you've always wanted.

You're finally in control.

And if the pain wears you out,

we'll just go home
and take a nice long nap.

Get up, see.

Great Fuzzy, I napped all night!

You're up early.

What? Where's Mom?
Why didn't she wake me up?

You shoulda never thrown away
your blading helmet.

All those crosstown buses
really messed up your head.

'Member our deal?

'Til you start pitching in money
from your gum scraping job,

you have to buy your own groceries.

Moose, I don't know what you're saying.

Now can you fix the shower already?
I have to get to school.

MOOSE:
You flunked out of school six weeks ago.

You used up all the water

trying to drown your sorrows
in hot showers.

What are you saying? Where's Mom?

She moved to Macho Grande

when you showed her
you didn't need her anymore.

'Member? The day you got your ear pierced.

She just sent another postcard.

[GASPS]

I guess you failed to maintain

a daily antibacterial ear scrub regimen.

[SCREAMING]

I don't want an earring.

I want my Mom!
I forged the signature!

Send me to jail, but don't make me work
at the Hazelnut Amphitheater!

Okay, okay.

By the way,
they don't send forgers to prison.

They make them work
at the Corn Dog Heaven.

Have you seen Pepper Ann?

I think she's getting her ear pierced.

Pepper Ann Pearson, we had a deal!

You didn't pierce your ears?

Of course not.
We have an agreement about next year.

Yes. Yes, we do.

And, after all, you're just looking out
for my best interests.

You've never been to Macho Grande,
have you?

Milo? You didn't get
your ear pierced either?

Someone hogged both the free earrings.

I don't know what came over me.

There was this piercing g*n, and a cobra,
and the smell of disinfectant,

and I just threw caution to the wind!

So, I ran to the drugstore and bought
some antibacterial ear scrub,

had the earring posts appraised to assure
that they were authentic surgical steel,

and had my father fax over
the signed waiver!

I've never felt so alive!