03x08 - Single Unemployed Mother/Mom Knows What P.A. Did Two Nights Ago

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY 2: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Cool! A singing Dieter doll.

[DOLL SINGS] Dieter, Neiter,
Schnieter...

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Judy! Oh, it's great to see you.

Now, you let me know if there's anything
I can help you with, okay?

MITCH: Could you hang these up?
Thank you!

And these need ironing.
Thank you!

These aren't for the store,
these are your clothes!

I might sell them.

[GRUNTS]

Hmm? [GRUNTS]

[SPITS] Where is my decaf vanilla hazelnut
with Madagascar cinnamon?

We ran out.
And I didn't buy more

because you always say you'll pay me back,
but you never do.

And speaking of pay, why is there less
of it in my check this week?

You left 15 minutes early last Wednesday
to take your daughter to the doctor

after she busted her lip on the see-saw
and well, you can hardly expect me

to pay you for time you're not working.

How could I?

Especially since I come in

to open up the store.

I'm glad we understand each other.

Now, pack up these unsightly sarongs.
We're sending them back.

-Back, back, back!
-What? I ordered these sarongs.

They're the latest must-have
for the working woman's wardrobe...

Lydia, it isn't your place to question
my decisions.

Well, after seven years of loyal service,
you know what?

You can question my caboose!

I quit!

[GASPS] You can't quit!

Peppie, I told you,
I am a retail sales fashion technician,

and I demand the respect
that goes along with that title.

I know. But "Take Your Daughters
To Work Week" starts tomorrow

and I was going to go to work with you!

Now how am I going to learn
what the career world has to offer

a young woman with ambition,
goals and an indomitable spirit?

-Are we gonna starve?
-Oh, of course not.

I can grow beans.

Well, what are you just
standing around for? Go! Go!

Oh, nobody has to grow beans.
I am getting a new job.

Oh, thank Fuzzy.
How on earth could I think my own mother

would be foolish enough to cut off
her one and only source of income

without having something else lined up?

What's your new job, Mom?

Uh, well, I don't exactly have one yet.
But c'mon!

I've found a job before,
I'll find one again.

Mom, this isn't the Age of Aquarius.

The job market is a different place now
than it was seven years ago.

C'mon, Peppie, time for bed.

We've got a busy day tomorrow.

Doing what?
Cursing the establishment?

Finding a job can be a full-time job.

And since it's "Take Your Daughter
To Work Week,"

you're coming job-hunting with me.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, wish me luck.

Mom, I want you to know I am going
to do everything possible to help.

So, you just go up and wow 'em,

and I'll go check out
the pay-by-the-week motel next door.

See if they've got any vacancies,

what kind of deposit they require,

you know, just in case.

Thank you so much for applying,
but I'm afraid

you're slightly under-qualified
to take on the position

of company president.

I am not going to let that first rejection
get me down.

I just set my sights a little too high.

-That's all.
-You keep your chin up,

and I'll go check out
that storage facility down the block.

See what space is available,
what kind of credit cards they take,

you know, for the stuff we can't sell.

[MODERN DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh...

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Sorry, Ms. Pearson.

I need an assistant who knows less
about my job than I do.

Less!

Please leave.

PEPPER ANN: Oranges!

Peanuts!

Oranges!

You got bone saw experience?

-[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
-[SCREAMS]

-[HORN BLOWS]
-[SIGHS]

[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: Hear ye! Hear ye!

You are hereby over-qualified
and over-educated

for the assistant shake serf job opening.

No, no I'm not!
See look, this junior college degree...

poof! Gone!

Sorry, Dr. Pearson.

[SIGHS] Why didn't anyone warn me
that the job market would be so different

than it was seven years ago?

I'm either under-qualified
or over-qualified,

or not clowny enough!

Two words, Mom: garage sale.

Now, I'm not saying I shouldn't have quit.

I mean, sure I loved how women
of all shapes and sizes depended on me

to find them clothes that fit,
flattered and flaunted...

Or we could auction our stuff off online.

That way we could cut back
on our overhead.

But I worked hard!

And there is no way
in haberdash I'm going to subject myself

to inhumane working conditions.

I am Lydia Pearson, and I deserve better!

Bite of jelly and cheese sandwich?

Don't worry, honey.

Every family goes through
something like this.

I'll find a job soon.
I can feel it.

Got any threes?

[LAUGHS] Read 'em and weep!
Pay up, Sylvia.

All right, all right.

Could this line move any slower?

Mom, Mom, it's okay.

A few people have already asked
about the coffee table.

Oh, Peppie, you were right.
I should never have quit. We're doomed!

Come on, it's only been three days.

You'll find a job.
And we've always got Moose's bean plan

to fall back on.

Maybe we can get more
for the coffee table if you tell them

that we always used coasters.

Uncle, please,
I know sales are down since Lydia quit,

but I have come up
with a wonderful new promotion.

Sales are going to skyrocket!

Oh, I've got to go.

Hello, may help you?

Yes, hi. Is Lydia here?

She no longer works here.
Perhaps I could...

No. No, no, no. I need Lydia.

No one else!

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do now?

The Bat-mitzvah is Saturday!

Wait! We've got bunnies...

[SIGHS]

Hello.

Look, my Mom would k*ll me
if she knew I was here,

but I was just wondering about her job.
You haven't hired anyone new, have you?

So, Lydia sent her little girl
to beg for her job back?

What? She did not!

What! I think she did.

I came on my own!
I know my mom really likes this job

and I know that the customers
really like her, so I thought...

You thought wrong.

You're right.

I wanted to get my mom's job back for her,
but you know what?

She doesn't need this job,
and she doesn't need you!

And we don't need to sell our stuff
and move into the Motel 3

because she's Lydia Pearson,
and she's got what it takes

to succeed in this world no matter what!

MAN: Dr. Carlton come quick!
It's Felicia!

I found her unconscious in the boathouse!

Mom, what are you doing?

You've got interviews to go on,
pavement to pound.

-Come on, get dressed.
-[SIGHS] What's the point?

Felicia's got amnesia,
and I just ate half a gallon

of "Vermont Hippies Everything
But The Swirl."

And the only thing I like is the swirl.

I wish I had amnesia.

[GRUNTS] I was such a fool to quit.

I need that job.

What's gonna happen to us?

Look, Ma, I sold Moose
for magic beans.

You what?

[SCREAMS] A giant bean stalk growing out
of my couch?

If only I hadn't sold
our weed thrasher online!

Mom, listen.

I'm proud that you stuck up
for what you believed in.

You've been an inspiration to me
my whole life

and not because you had a good job,
but because you're a great mom,

and you give everything your all.

I do, don't I?

You're no quitter!

-I'm a fighter!
-You are woman!

Hear me roar!

Now get out there
and show the world what you're made of!

Just try and stop me!

[MAN WHISTLES]

I think I'll get dressed first!

Hasn't "Take Your Daughters
To Work Week" been the best?

My parents actually fought
over who got to take me to work with them.

Oh, no, no, no.
You're taking her tomorrow.

-No way, you're taking her.
-No, I took her yesterday.

She outbid me on the bio-tech stocks
and turned a 42% profit!

I was the laughing stock
of the stock exchange!

Uh-uh! That's nothing.
I worked for months on the Sorenson case

and just before we go to trial,

she blows gaping holes
through my whole defense.

You're taking her, mister!

I guess I'm just great to have around.

So, Milo, how's school
without us girls?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND YELLING]

Do our dance! Come on, dance!
Who will join our tribe?

[HORN BLOWS]

Oh, you know, same old, same old.

How's your mom's job search going,
Pepper Ann?

It's over.
Thanks to my unwavering support

and a small business loan,

she decided to start
her own sarong business.

[GASPS] Lydia, is that you?

Hello, did she say Lydia?

-Is that you?
-WOMAN: Lydia?

Lydia, these sarongs are to die for!

I'm so glad you're back! [LAUGHS]

We were simply lost
without your style and good taste.

[LAUGHS]

MITCH: Lydia!

I was wrong! The store needs you!

Uncle needs you! I need you!

Please come back to It's You!

Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

I couldn't hear you over the ka-ching
of my cash register.

I am so sorry I underestimated you
and your contributions to It's You!

Please Lydia, I will double your salary.

Well, it is tempting,
but I'm going to have to say no.

What?

Mitch, this was the kick in the pants
I needed to take the initiative

and do something for myself.

Sure, it's small,
but I love the freedom

of being in the open hallway.

And most of all,
I love being my own boss.

Please, there must be a way
to work this out.

So, my mom decided to go back
to It's You!...

...as a full partner under one condition,
they keep the kiosk.

Props for that fly presentation,
Pepper Ann.

It surely proves
that we can all achieve great things

with courage, conviction and confidence!

DIETER: Oh, yes, yes! Vunderbar!

So inspirational! [LAUGHS]

May I come down now?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I suppose you're all wondering
why I called you here today.

I'd like to invite all of you
to my annual Sleep-is-for-Suckers

Non-Slumber Slumber Party.

Why isn't Pepper Ann here?
Isn't she invited?

We're having this meeting
because of Pepper Ann.

I know all of you have dismissed
her slumber party antics in the past.

I have, too.
But it's time to put a name

to her antickery and to what she is...

-[ALL GASP]
-...a sleepover dork.

Need I remind you of my past sleepovers?

The time we kept calling
and hanging up on Dieter,

and Pepper Ann reminded him
his parents have caller recall.

[SCREAMS]

TRINKET:
The time she stupidly TP'd my house?

[GRUNTS]

And last year, when she ate
too many cupcakes and threw up on my cat?

-[CAT MEOWS]
-[GRUNTS]

Trinket, those were honest mistakes.

Why, she hasn't regurgitated
on a cat in...

Let's just put it to a vote, shall we?

All against Pepper Ann coming?

[CLEARS THROAT]

All in favor of Pepper Ann coming?

All right.
I'll tell her she can come.

-[CLATTERS]
-PEPPER ANN: A-ha!

Who's the sleepover dork now, Trinket?

In your face!

So, can I bring anything?

Cupcakes?

Oh, how I look forward
to not slumbering at this party!

Listen to this agenda!

Gossiping and marshmallow treats,
T.P-ing Wayne Macabre's house,

watching last year's red hot horror flick,
Gutter Clowns...

Gutter Clowns?

Oh, you will not be watching that movie.

I know Gutter Clowns.

-So Larry, what do you do...
-[GROWLS]

-[SCREAMS]
-Gotcha muchacha!

Yes. You got me. [CHUCKLES]

Janie told me you were quite the jokester
when she set us up.

She didn't tell me
that you were half my age

and so into science fiction.

Well, I am so looking forward
to this movie.

I've been wanting to see
Sutter's Town for ages!

But then, I'd watch a washing machine
if Martha Raye was in it.

Hmm, Martha Raye.

Well, I wonder if she plays
one of the clowns.

-Clowns?
-Oh, yeah.

This movie spins a frightful yarn
of evil clowns

living in the sewers of New York.

Evil clowns?

-In the sewers?
-[LARRY LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

I haven't looked at clowns or gutters
the same way since.

Besides, the movie is rated R,
"Restricted."

Children under the age of 17
can't see it without a parent or guardian,

and for good reason.

But mom!

Everybody's gonna be watching that movie!

What am I supposed to do?

LYDIA: What's a nine-letter word
for non-R-rated fun?

Crossword! [LAUGHS]

I know that you know that I forbid you
from watching the movie.

I also know that I know
that you know that I can trust you...

-you know?
-I know. I know.

My life is slumber trash.

There's nothing you can do.

A parent forbidding something
is like calling dibs,

or eating French fries
on the way home from a drive-thru.

It's practically law.

-I just wish she understood...
-Talking to a stack of crossword books.

Dork strike number one.

[GASPS] Hi, Trinket.

How many dork strikes do I get?

Three strikes and the dork is out.

By the way, asking that question
makes it dork strike number two.

-Truth or dare.
-Truth.

Have you ever imagined yourself
the heroine of a 19th century novella,

in which you fall in love
with a lowly livery boy

despite the protestations
of your aristocratic parents?

-No. Let's watch the movie.
-Liar.

Jane Masling called it "hip horror that'll
seriously mess you up for a month."

Rex Richards said of it,
"It made me shriek like a schoolboy."

Ladies and ladies,
I give you Gutter Clowns.

[CHEERING]

[GASPS] No!

Trinket! Truth or dare?

Truth! I'm allergic to water chestnuts,
capers, and potted meat!

Then don't eat the dip I brought.

Pepper Ann, you are dangerously close
to dork strike number three.

[CHUCKLES]

And now our feature presentation.

You're totally freaked
and they haven't even finished

the part where they list all the actors.

Well, you can't leave,
it'll be dork strike three.

Just look away and think good thoughts.

DANNY: Yo, an open manhole cover!
Check it out!

ANGELA: I don't know, Danny.
What about the Gutter Clowns?

DANNY: Gutter Clowns?

Angela, please! Those are just stories
old people tell kids to keep 'em

from foolin' around in the sewers!
C'mon!

PEPPER ANN: Okay, good thoughts.

Puppies, in-line skating,
online auctions...

ANGELA: It's raining,
do you know what that means?

They're out of the sewers, Danny!
They're out of the sewers!

DANNY: C'mon! We'll hide
in that teeny-tiny, polka-dotted car!

[DANNY AND ANGELA SCREAMING]

ANGELA: There's too many of them!

They're like c*ck!

[CRIES] c*ck!

Don't you think that the juxtaposition
of the genre's conventions

make it both scary and funny?

How did they all fit in that tiny car?

TRINKET: Shhh!

There's my little Pepulah!

So, how was the sleepover?

What are you implying?
That I didn't have fun?

I'm not going to be a part
of your sleepover witch hunt here!

That's the news, and I am outta here!

She gets so sassy after sleepovers.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEPPER ANN BREATHES HEAVILY]

PEPPER ANN:
Room's clear of Gutter Clowns,

I am safely under the impenetrable
protection of my blankie,

and if needed, I can use my Megablades
as some sort of a club.

I'm closing my eyes now.

[LAUGHS]

PEPPER ANN: Sweet Momma Fuzzy.
What am I gonna do?

How am I gonna get these gutter clowns
out of my head?

Moose, come join my "Happy Day!"

We'll fill our heads
so full of happy things,

there'll be no room left
for anything else but joy and sugar!

[SONG PLAYS] On a wing and prayer
A smile and a feather

They're the Cherubies

Loving and living and learning

Together

[SIGHS] Isn't it just a wonderful,
wonderful place?

Nothing bad could ever happen to you
in a land made of candy.

Oh, what a happy, happy,
happy, happy day!

[SONG PLAYS] On a wing and a prayer
A smile and a feather

They're the Cherubies

-[LAUGHTER]
-Loving and living and learning

Together

-[EVIL CLOWN LAUGHS]
-[HORN HONKING]

[LAUGHING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

They're done for!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

-[SCREAMS]
-Peppie, what is it?

I...

had a bad dream that...

that... The Cutie Magootie Boys broke up.

Oh, you poor dear!

It's okay, Peppie.
Shh, it's okay.

Magootie is still here to rock the house.
They're still here.

[SCREAMS]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

I'm sorry. I just realized
what hot dogs are made of.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Just come clean.

Tell Mom like you should've
in the first place.

It'll be tough,
but she'll help you.

Do it.
It's the right thing.

Wait! That's not the right thing,

'cause I've got a better idea!

The pop quiz in Home Ec!

Uh, PA,
you're talking to wieners and legumes.

Regarding the quiz,
if it's to be pop,

how do you know about it?

I know about it,
because I heard some talk.

And we have to study for it! Tonight!

And it should be a sleepover!

A splendid cram sleepover!

Cramming for Home Ec?

I'm really not into cram
in the first place.

I commend Pepper Ann on her quest
for academic preparation.

If my parents allow it, I'm game.

Yes!

MILO: Okay, for the hundredth time.

This is a continental-tent stitch.

Now you try.

[GROANS] I'm sorry,
I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

But, hey, we've got the whole night
to figure it out.

And, most importantly, stay awake.

We must not go to sleep!

Go over the difference again
between blending and frappé-ing.

Pepper Ann, it's 12:18.

Let's go over not going over that!

Let's go over going to sleep!

The lights!

-[EVIL CLOWN LAUGHS]
-[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

This tomato thing tickles.

PEPPER ANN:
Get out of my house Gutter Clown!

Pepper Ann, we don't want
to play Gutter Clowns now!

My eight hours of required sleep
have been encroached upon

and that means Mama's gettin' crabby!

And that would be a plague
on all our houses.

I'll call mi madre to take us home.

[SCREAMS]

-[BREATHES HEAVILY]
-[THUNDER ROARS]

-[SCREAMS]
-Okay, this has gone too far.

You're wigged beyond wigged.

You're seeing things from lack of sleep
and pizza doodley overload.

You're right.
It's all in my head...

-Gutter Clowns!
-[HORN HONKING]

No!

Go back to the gutter you came from!

LYDIA: Gutter clowns, Peppie?

As in, Gutter Clowns?

MOOSE: Isn't that the movie you expressly
told Peppie not to watch?

I had forbidden you to watch that movie!

You are in big trouble now, missy!

-You just...
-Thank Fuzzy it's you!

I was so scared.

Peppie, even if you've done something
wrong like watching that movie,

or breaking someone's pasta maker,

you should always come to me
if something is troubling you.

I was just scared to tell you.

Even more than the movie, I guess.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

I was scared silly after I saw that movie.

So, I kept reminding myself
that the Gutter Clowns

were just actors, not real people.

You know Gutter Clown number four?

Well, he plays a chef
in that new Red Snapper commercial.

The movie was designed
to make people scared

like a rollercoaster or the chupacabra.

And the filmmakers did a good job.

But that's what we have to remember.

It's just a film.

-And if we can remember...
-[PEPPER ANN SNORES]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]