04x15 - The Amazing Becky Little

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

MOOSE: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Oh. Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-The letter "Q"!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

Hi, Ms. Kibble.

Nicky Little, I don't know how I'd keep
the library in shape without your help.

Oh, yeah. Let's do this.

Nicky, what are you doing?

Organizing these books
is the best stress reduction I know.

Take a deep breath. [INHALES]

Smell the musty pages, be at peace.

Yeah, yeah, we know all that,
but Snot tickets go on sale any minute.

-Come on.
-CISSY: Nicky!

Remember that ski-ence test
you like tutored me for?

It's pronounced "science".

The "c" is silent.

Well, I, like, got an "A" minus,
and I've never broken a "C" plus!

I am so, like, thank you!

Maybe I can, you know,
return the favor with some make-up tips?

MILO: Nicky.

Seeing the Flaming Snot
Intimate Acoustic Tour is my life goal.

If we don't get tickets, I will have
failed at that goal.

I will be a failure.

Ms. Little, that thing you told me
about not mixing ammonia with bleach?

It saved my life.

You saved my life.

Oh, it was nothing, I...

Okay, Milo and I are gonna go get tickets.

ABRIOLA: Nicky Little!

You trounced the competition
in yesterday's Math Marathon!

Oh, I haven't seen scores this high
since your sister Becky was here!

[GASPS] Becky!

PEPPER ANN: Nicky, wait up.

What about Becky? Is she hurt?
Is it her birthday?

Come on, P.A., everybody knows
Becky's birthday is on the eighth.

Pisces.

She's coming here, isn't she?

Your sister's visiting
and you didn't tell us!

You... You... You wanted to hog her
for yourself!

-How could you?!
-I'm not hogging anything.

It's my parent's anniversary
and Becky's coming home

from Harvard to celebrate.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I don't want to miss her arrival!

Man, Becky rocks.

Remember when she single-handedly
organized the city's recycling program?

Do I? I helped her
by gathering 6,000 petition signatures.

Oh, and remember back in '96
when she gave us

all Jennifer Aniston haircuts?

We looked goo-ood.

She was so grateful that I gave her
the idea while watching...

And remember when she taught
that deaf mute girl to say "water"?

That was the Helen Keller story.

Becky was in the Helen Keller story?!

Wow. That girl won't quit.

Guys, I know you're excited
to see my sister,

-but this is kind of a "family" thing.
-That's cool.

I thought that Milo and I
were your family,

but, you know. Whatever.

Great! See 'ya.

Weren't we going somewhere?

SHELF:
Snot tickets for sale! Sold out show.

Three hundred a pair!

Did you say, "sold out"?

Are you talking or buying?

Insult me like that again,
and I'll rip yer epiglottis out.

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

Bye-bye, Becky! Great meeting you...

MAN: Don't forget to call next time
you're in Munich.

Welcome home, Becky!

Hey, Becky... [GRUNTS]

Where's Nicky?

Nicky? Oh, well, let's see,
it's Thursday so,

she's either overhauling the library,
or delivering meals to the bedridden.

Still, she should be here by now.

Perplexing. Oh well.

NICKY: Ow.

And The Harvard Harpoon asked me to join,
but I turned them down because,

well, honestly, who wants to end up
writing for television?

[LAUGHTER]

MRS. LITTLE: That is so true.

Oh, yeah.

Frankly, Becky, your mother and I
are a little worried

that you're overextending yourself.

Are you sure you can handle
a triple major?

[LAUGHS] Can Bertram Brockhouse handle
slow neutron spectroscopy?

[LAUGHTER]

Indeed, he can.

-Who?
-[RECORD SCRATCH]

Oh, he won the Nobel Prize for physics
in '94, sweetheart.

Looks like someone needs to brush up
on their Jeopardy!

-MRS. LITTLE: Oh, Beckers!
-[LAUGHS]

So, Becky, tell us about your recent trip
to outer Mongolia.

Well, it was no inner Mongolia,
but enough about me.

How are things with you, Nicky?
I've missed you!

Well, since you asked,
I got my pre-PSAT results back today.

I got a perfect 800 in Math
and a 750 in English.

Now, Nicky, you shouldn't compare yourself
to Becky.

Not everyone has to get a perfect score.

MR. LITTLE: You should be
very, very proud of that score.

Very proud.

Well, I am.

And you know,
I bet if I tutored you a little,

we could bring that English score up 20,
maybe even 25 points.

Beckers, that is so sweet of you to offer.

Nicky, isn't that sweet of Becky?

Uh-huh.

[BEEPS]

Nicky, we've been looking
all over for you,

the Novel Nook, the Rialto,
the Renaissance Fair...

I thought you hated the Fuzzy Whomp.

Hate is a very ugly word, Milo.

You said that "violence in kiddie games
begets violence in life,

which, Milo, is no game at all."

Since when are you taking notes on Nicky?

Since Becky left for college.

There's nothing wrong
with playing a harmless game of...

Eat foam, Fuzzy!

PEPPER ANN: So, how is Becky?

Can you ask her to stop by
and take a look at my lawnmower?

I think it's pulling to the left.

PEPPER ANN: And find out what kind
of shampoo she's using these days.

No one's hair shines like Becky's.

Hey, Nicky can I have these?

July 3, 1997. Milo...

"Nicky, can I have
your unused game tickets?"

Nicky... "Anytime."

Nicky, wait, don't you want to know
why we were looking for you?

No.

When we stopped by the Rialto,
we signed you up to audition

for the Hazelnut Junior Orchestra.

You're welcome.

-No.
-What is all this "no" stuff?

Do I need to remind you two
what happened the last time I auditioned

for the HJO? Do I?

MAN: Ms. Little,
that was the most flawless rendition

of "Greensleeves" I've heard to date.

And I've heard many.

-All right! Yeah! Good job, Nicky!
-Yay, Nicky!

-Whoo, whoo, whoo!
-[NICKY SHUSHES]

And as always, we'll finish the audition
with Tchaikovsky's perennial classic,

Swan Lake.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[SCREAMS]

-[HONKING]
-[NICKY GASPING]

MAN:
That will be quite enough, Ms. Little.

Back swans! Back!

There is no way
I'm going through that again.

I'm afraid of swans,
I'm not prepared,

and I'm too busy trying to find
the perfect anniversary gift

before Becky shows me up yet again!

"I'm, I'm, I'm."
Why is your audition all about "you"?

Listen, everyone in the HJO
gets a pair of season tickets

for all performances at the Rialto

including the Flaming Snot
Intimate Acoustic Tour.

And Sherrie Spleen
in her one-woman show, I-Spleenicus.

If I did audition for the HJO,
it wouldn't be for free tickets.


It would be for the honor
of sitting first chair at the Rialto.

For the respect of my peers
and the admiration of my elders.

Exactly, you get those things,
and we get the tickets!

The way I see it, it was your fault
we got distracted from buying Snot tix

in the first place. You owe us.

Don't you get it? I'm afraid of swans.

Well, have you tried picturing them
in their underwear?

[GRUNTS]

If we want those tickets,
we've gotta help her get over

this swan thing.

Pepper Ann, sit down.

How to put this,

often times when you attempt
to help people,

they end up worse off than before you...

You don't think I know that?

But this time I'm gonna be prepared.

I'm gonna do my research.

I'm gonna read every book I can find.

Cool. So let's head to the library.

The what-ary?

Nicky, I know what I'm talking about.

Come on, just do it for me.

You're wasting your time.

It says right here,

"Affirmations are a proven method
of conquering fears and achieving goals."

Now, I'm not giving up until you try it!

Try it!

"I am bigger than the swan.
I am smarter than the swan."

"Though the swan
has a sharper beak than I,

it is too small to do serious damage"...

Oh, darn.

You didn't even give it a shot, Little.

Now, get your fanny back out there
and dodge some ba*ls.

But I was hit.

The rules of dodge ball clearly state
that once hit...

Out!

That woman won't be happy
until I'm bludgeoned to a pulp.

Nicky. I can't hear you.

I am bigger than the swan,
I am smarter than the swan.

Though the swan has a sharper beak...

COACH DOOGAN: Little!

What do you want from... [GASPS]

All right girls, take a lap.

My star student dropped by
and she and I need to make like tomatoes

and catch up!

[LAUGHS]

'Ya get it? Ketchup!

Star?

Tomatoes?

Becky here was like a--
like a daughter to me.

And a savior to the Otters.

An Otter Daughter!

I'm funny today.

I never knew you were good in sports.

I thought you just wanted
to be well-rounded

for the Harvard application.

Well, this girlie sure didn't get any
of the Little athletic genes!

You could've helped her out some, Becky.

Woulda made my life easier?

Well, I tried, but...

Okay, Nicky.
Remember when I caught the ball?

-Now you catch it too.
-Catch-22?

Yossarian was moved very deeply
by the absolute simplicity

of this clause of Catch-22.

Yes, Catch 22 is a good book,
but now we're catching the ball.

Why do you continue to hit me
with that white spherical object?

I have no recollection of that.

BECKY: When we realized
that you weren't the best athlete,

we decided to de-emphasize
my minor sporting victories.

Minor?

Becky "The b*llet" Little took us
to the championships in volleyball,

softball, tennis
and she wrote and copyrighted

our "Paws claws teeth and fur,
we're all part of one Otter" cheer.

There you go.

Royalties.

Becky "The b*llet"?

If you were such an athletic prodigy,
how come I never saw any trophies?

We kept them in the trophy annex.

You had a trophy... annex?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, it was over seven years ago.

I'm sure you've come a long way
from the sorry athlete you were

at age five! Here, catch!

PEPPER ANN:
What are you lying around for? Come on.

I am bigger than the swan.
I am smarter...

Hey, Becky! Your hair looks great!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

NICKY: Guys, we're burning daylight.

Are you helping me overcome
my fear of swans or what?

You told me if I mentioned swans
one more time you'd rip my tongue out

and bronze it for Becky's trophy annex.

Which, I'd love to see by the way.

The trophy annex, not P.A.'s ripped out,
bronzed tongue.

I downloaded the HJO rosters
from the past 15 years.

Not a single "Little" in the bunch.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to play the feathers out of Swan Lake,

and be the first "Little" in the HJO.

What happened to "the respect of my peers
and the admiration of my elders"?

Rantings of a neophyte, Milo.

Come on, you guys want those tickets,
and I want to rub the HJO

in Becky's face so hard
she won't need to exfoliate for months.

[EVIL LAUGHS]

Cool.

...'cause we have a lot of work to do.

[SCREAMS]

You said it, Swan.

Actually, Pepper Ann, that was me.
Swans can't talk.

Becky! Good to see you again!

Remember us? Nicky's friends.

Pepper Ann, Milo? Remember?

...pretty.

We're just going out, that's all.

Not to do anything specific,
or conquer any fears. Bye.

There's no way I'm letting Becky know
about my swan issues.

Facing swans is just one more thing
that she does better than...

Pepper Ann, what are you doing?

I stopped off
at Lloyds Discount Psychology Clothiers.

Their prices are clinically insane.

If you're gonna get serious
about this swan thing, so am I.

You demonstrate classic signs
of sibling rivalry.

You know, I once tried to mail Moose
to San Antonio...

Deep six the psychobabble,
and bring on the birds.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMS]

PEPPER ANN: Virtual reality, Nicky.

You can face the swans without fear.

This is the perfect melding of technology
and psychology.

And these virtual sodas are great.

This one's diet.

Nice swan. Nice, fake,
computerized can't hurt me swan...

PEPPER ANN: Okay, Gary Gopher's mail order
psychology literature

recommends submersion therapy.

Pepper Ann, I don't think
there's such a thing as submer...

Hey, this baby cost me
two Gary Gopher's Green Tea proofs

and this time I know what I'm doing.

Now get in there and face your fears.

Swan feed. Get yer swan feed.

Dem swans is as tame as dead turtles.

Kids, dey come and kids dey go,

and ain't one of 'em
lost a finger since '94.

If it gets to be too much,
you just say the word,

and we'll yank you right out.

We're close to those tickets, P.A.

I can almost smell them.

Milo, this isn't about tickets anymore.

This is about helping our friend Nicky.

So, whadaya think
Flaming Snot'll open with?

NICKY: Okay, I'm ready to come out.

Hit Me With Your Best Snot.
Definitely.

-NICKY: You guys, I'm...
-Really?

I always saw that
as more of an encore number.

[GRUNTING]

Didn't you hear me screaming?

-No.
-Uh-uh.

Forget it! It's no use. I can't do it.

I hate my sister.

[GASPS]

I mean swans! I hate swans.

I love my sister. I love her.

It's the swans that I hate.

The swans.

"Hate" is a very ugly word, Nicky.

That and "moist".

Think about it, "moist".

Nicky, that's it!

Your fear of swans is just a manifestation
of your Becky issues.

You see yourself as the ugly duckling
and Becky as the beautiful perfect swan.

Hey, I may not be Jennifer Love Hewitt,
but that doesn't mean I'm...

You couldn't handle your jealousy of her,
so your feelings of insecurity and fear

of Becky were displaced onto the swans.

You just have to confront Becky
and you'll be fine.

Pepper Ann, you...

That actually made sense.

I just have to talk things out with Becky
and my fear of swans will vanish!

Thank you, thank you!

You know what else is an ugly word?

Guava.

BECKY: You wanted to talk to me?

MRS. LITTLE: Don't mind me.

Your father gave me
an early anniversary present,

and we thought, wouldn't it be nice
to put this in Nicky's room

with the treadmill!

And then in six or seven years
when you go off to school,

we'll convert it to a full gym.

I can't take it anymore!

Becky is so perfect that her room
has be enshrined,

while I have to sleep in the gym?

I know that Becky is the perfect daughter,
but...

Me? Hardly!

-You're the one...
-MRS. LITTLE: Girls!

With the exception of fire drills
and health policy debates,

we do not raise our voices in this house.

[SCOFFS] Goodness.

Well, to be honest, Nicky.

I thought it would be too painful
for Becky to have the weight equipment

in her room.

As good an athlete as she was,
she could never bench press

more than 20 pounds.

Is that why I always had to carry in
the groceries?

Well, Nicky, you can lift
practically anything.

Remember that time Milo got stuck
under a washing machine and you...

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh... [COUGHS]

How could you possibly think
I was the perfect one?

You're stronger than I am,
you're more creative,

you have these wonderful loyal friends...

They'd drop me in a New York minute
to hang out with you for an afternoon.

All I ever hear about
is "the amazing Nicky Little."

I'm not amazing! You are!

Now, just let me get all of this
off my chest

so I can conquer my fear of swans and...

-What did you say?
-I know.

I have no chest to speak of
and you've been a...

No, after that. The swan part.

I'm afraid of swans.

[GASPS]
So am I! I thought I was the only one.

I can't believe
we're both afraid of swans.

So, now that we've worked through
our jealousies and feelings of inadequacy,

we won't be afraid of swans anymore?

Exactly.

I arrived at this conclusion
rather to my own surprise

when Nicky inadvertently blurted out
that she hated...

Okay! Are we swan bonding or what?

[BOTH SCREAMS]

So much for that.

How am I ever gonna get through
playing Swan Lake?

[SWAN LAKE PLAYING]

Congratulations, Ms. Little.

I'd like you to play first chair.

Rehearsal starts tomorrow, three p.m.
Be sharp.

Get it? Sharp?

Oh, and by the way, here you are.

Tickets to the symphony season.

Be sharp. [CHUCKLES]

Symphony season? Symphony season?

What about Flaming Snot's
Intimate Acoustic?

What about I-Spleenicus?

I did not go through all this
for a set of symphony...

Milo! We went through all this
to help Nicky,

and tickets or no tickets,
it was worth it.

Congratulations, Nicky.

We can scalp these to Shelf McClain
for front row seats at the...

I'd prefer to give these to someone
who'd actually appreciate them.

They'll make the perfect anniversary gift
for Mom and Dad.

So, Nicky, which one of my methods
brought you around?

Was it the systematic desensitization?

The affirmations? The aversion therapy?

Uh... The middle one.

Yes. Yes, I thought so.

-What is this?
-Nothing.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

What?

What are you writing?

I'm sick of you writing down
my every word!

Give me that notebook this instant,
you plagiarist!

MILO: Plagiarist, is that with two G's?

[GROANS] Goodbye sweetheart.
Don't forget to e-mail.

Congratulations on the HJO.

I'm really proud of you.

NICKY: Thanks. I'm proud of you, too.

I'd much rather have an amazing sister
than some freak I'd be embarrassed

to be related to.

PEPPER ANN: Come on Dieter.

Six more laps and those hiccups'll
be as cured as the ham hock

you ate for brunch. Trust me.

I've done extensive research
on the matter.

Becky. Take me with you.

PEPPER ANN: For the love of Fuzzy, Moose!

Keep the camera rolling.

We need documentation!

I'm glad we talked everything out
even if we didn't get rid

of our fear of swans.

I really thought that was the reason.

MRS. LITTLE: Oh, Becky!
I am so glad I didn't miss you!

I was cleaning out the attic
to make room for the gym

and I completely lost track of time.

I got a little nostalgic
going through you girls' old toys.

Happy travels my dear!

Call when you get there!

Bye, sis.

Let me know if you ever figure out
the swan thing.

I will.

What swan thing?

It's silly, really.

Becky and I are both terrified of swans.

I guess we'll never figure out why.

Swanie want to play!

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONCLUDING]