03x01 - You Oughta Be in Musicals!

[bunniefuu]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY 1: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY 2: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY 3: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!
She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Ooh, five bucks!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[SIGHS]

If you don't stop that,
I'll tie you to the toilet.

PEPPER ANN: Good.

-I could use a change of scenery.
-LYDIA: Girls, you're going to be late.

PEPPER ANN: For what?
Another boring, useless, uneventful day?

Who cares? Ow!

[LAUGHS]

[SAD MUSIC PLAYING]

Don't you get sick
of having the same lunch every day?

Not at all.

The health benefits of a well-balanced,
low-fat lunch far outweigh

my occasional craving for French fries..

smothered in melted cheese...

with gooey chili.

-[CLAPS]
-Thank you.

Well, the "same old, same old"
may work for you,

but I, for one, cannot stomach
one more bologna and cheese sandwich.

Today, I'm buying lunch.

[CREAKS]

[BOTH GROWLING]

It's bologna and cheese day.

'Kay now, let's go over it again, class.

One molecule of blah,
with two blah blah-blahs...

And one more time,
for the slower students.

Blah plus blah, divided by blah...

Okay, class, it's a blah, and a blah,
and a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

[SIGHS]

So, Vidiots?

I can't take it anymore!
Is this all there is?

School, Vidiots, homework?

There must be something more to life!

So, Brain Dead?

-[THUDS]
-Milo, Pepper Ann has a mild case

of what the French call "ennui."

She needs to do something
new and exciting.

I suggest the fertilizer exhibit
at the Museum of Horticulture.

That's it!

P.A., fertilizer is just
a polite word for...

The spring musical!

"Detention."

Listen to this...

"Monique Janvier, lead.

Nicknamed 'Red' for her spicy attitude
and flaming red mane,

leads the detention kids
in a fast-paced musical romp."

"Detention" is everything my life isn't.

A rock opera,
full of excitement and controversy.

This is our chance to stir things up.

Whaddya say? Are you in?

-Vidiots?
-Okay.

MS. STARK: No sequined unitards, no play.

I did not write "Detention"

with the intention of lulling
the audience to sleep.

May I remind you,
Ms. Flash-Over-Substance,

that you only wrote the lyrics.

Any half-wit with a rhyming dictionary
could have put words to my music.

[GASPS] Well, I never!

Believe me, madam, neither have I!

[STUDENT CLEARS THROAT]

So, let the auditions begin!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

[CLEARS THROAT]

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

I can go higher.

[FINGERS AND NECK CRACKING]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Boy, I love you boy
You ain't no toy

Yeah!

It's one of my own pieces.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

And, playing the part
of my audition body double...

Cissy Rooney. [WHISTLES]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUDS]

[LAUGHTER]

How dare you come in here
and mock my dance moves?

Get out!

This is a serious social commentary,
not a freak show! Out!

But, I'm the spicy girl
with the flaming red mane.

The part of Monique Janvier
was practically written for me.

No one's spent more time in detention.
No one!

[DOOR BANGS OPEN]

You don't understand!
I need a fast-paced musical romp!

-How'd it go?
-I thought you guys were going to Vidiots.

We wanted to be here to congratulate you
when you got the lead.

I didn't get the lead.
I didn't even get to finish the audition.

I am destined to be bored
for the rest of eternity.

Look at how she talks!

Stuck in the same old rut...

You'd think she was a rock!

...forever, and ever...

Or a boat without a dock.

...until I die!

BOTH: She needs a trip around the block!

Why're you guys rhyming?

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

You're feeling blue
You're in a rut

Take a new look at old Hazelnut

Where is that music coming from?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

MILO AND NICKY: Take a look around
It's a heck of a town

Fifteen thousand people
Can't be wrong

Open up your eyes
You'll find a nice surprise

It was right in front of you all along

Milo, since when do you dance?

Burger Fortress

Freezy Pleezy

The Fish Shanty
and Greezy Cheezy

The Java Nutt is where it's at

For coffee, tea, or pretentious chat

One thing to do before it gets dark

We'll hit the pond at Lupkin Park

Throw some bread that's old and brittle

And watch the swans chase Nicky Little

-[GASPS]
-[MILO LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

I don't think that's funny.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[DOG BARKING]

Take a look around
It's a heck of a town

From every street to every single wall

You know it in your gut
That good old Hazelnut

Is really not so boring after all

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

You guys are right,
This town's a ball

We haven't even hit the mall

And when broke and out of cash
We can always pick on Crash

[CRIES]

Take a look around
It's a heck of a town

Fifteen thousand people can't be wrong

Open up your eyes
You'll find a nice surprise

It was right in front of you all along

Right in front of you all along

You guys are the best.

You went to all that trouble
just to cheer me up?

What do you mean?

So, see you guys mañana?

Okay. See you later.

Okay. Bye, then. Thanks, I guess.

LYDIA: Well, how was your day, Peppie?

Well, it's definitely been weird.

First of all, I got kicked out
of "Detention" auditions.

Nicky and Milo tried to cheer me up.

-Then the whole town was singing...
-[HUMMING]

What are you doing?

'Round evening time
The sun goes down

Three words are heard across the town

From every person, saint or sinner

Comes the query...

What's for dinner?

Tonight, we're having chicken!

Chicken?

-What's the matter are you chicken?
-What the...

I don't care if I'm wrong or right

But I could eat chicken every night

I've said it before
And I'll say it again

C-H-I-C-K-E-N

I love chicken

PEPPER ANN: Why are there chickens
dancing on our couch?

Eat it broiled
Baked or boiled

Battered up and fried in oil

Or a wing
À la King

That'll make your chicken zing

From the grange
For a change

Happy chickens raised free-range

PEPPER ANN: Hmm, why not?

Oh, I don't care if I'm wrong or right

But I could eat chicken every night

I've said it before
And I'll say it again

C-H-I-C-K-E-N

I love chicken

Take a verse, Peppie!

The drumstick makes my clock tick
It's a finger-lickin' fun stick

Like it spicy?
Chopped and dice-y?

Enchiladas too entice-y

-You can grate it!
-Or soufflé it!

You can even fla-flambé it!

[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLAPPING]

I don't care if I'm wrong or right

But I could eat chicken every night

I've said it before
And I'll say it again

C-H-I-C-K-E-N

I love chicken

[LAUGHTER]

Ah, that was great!
We should do this every night!

Oh, Peppie! We do.

Don't you remember last night?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Bacon, sausage, candied ham

I'm the piggy's biggest fan

A myriad of swine-y dishes

Every one is pork-a-licious

-[SAD MUSIC PLAYING]
-[CAT MEOWS]

[GRUNTS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOTH GASP]

All right, guys.
The jig is up.

What is she talking about?

You know...

the singing, the dancing,
the spontaneous orchestral accompaniment.

What exactly is going on here?

Pepper Ann, nothing's going on.

Maybe you should lie down.

You're acting
a little stranger than usual.

[SIGHS]

I have been under
a little pressure lately, and...

I guess I did have music on my mind
after those auditions.

-I'm sorry guys I just...
-Isn't it a pretty morn'?

I feel as if I've been reborn.

[GROANS]
See! No one talks like that.

Huh?

On a day like today

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

So sunny and bright

Going to school just wouldn't seem right

[MUSIC PERKS UP]

-[SCREAMS]
-This mail can wait!

These streets don't need fixin'!

Who cares about the news!

Go free, you little vixen!

Sorry, world, I said

But the sun went to my head

And if you can't enjoy a pretty day

You might as well be dead

Geez! These people are crazy.

We could've been trampled.

Nicky, did you finish
the science word find?

'Cause I couldn't find exoskeleton.

That was a tricky one.
It was backwards diagonally.

Oh!

This money's a bore!

These logs don't need sawing!

I'll clean this tomorrow!

These guests don't need bra-ing!

Sorry, world, I said

But the sun went to my head

And if you can't enjoy a pretty day

You might as well be dead

I get the point.

Now c'mon! We're gonna be late for school!

Way to go, P.A.

It's a shame we have

Responsibilities

In the real world

You just can't do what you please

So for now, I'll hope and pray

That the sun comes out on Saturday

Sorry, world, I said

But the sun went to my head

Sorry, world, I said

But the sun went to my head

Sorry, world, I said

But the sun went to my head

And if you can't enjoy a pretty day

You might as well be dead

You might as well be dead

[MILO AND NICKY LAUGH]

[SIGHS] I've never been so glad
to actually get to school.

Now can we all just get back to normal?

'Kay, now pay attention to my lecture

It isn't just conjecture

I'm sure as sure as heck-sure,
you'll agree

That learning photosynthesis

Is something that you shouldn't miss

So take some notes and sing along with me

[GASPS]

We exhale carbon dioxide
It's toxic though, so step aside

So, how do we get oxygen?

That's where all the plants come in

H-2-O is known as water
Pay attention it gets harder

The water and the chlorophyll
With sunlight on your windowsill

Break down the carbon dioxide
It's really quite a jolly ride!

We're learning photosynthesis
You really should get into this

Any questions?
I thought not

Now let's go over what we've got
Nicky?

Carbon Dioxide.

-Pepper Ann?
-My pen just died!

-Dieter?
-This is baked, not fried!

Young man, kindly step outside
We're learning photosynthesis

This isn't something you should miss
Now listen up, we're almost through

Let's continue our review

-Trinket?
-Water and sunlight.

-And...?
-Chlorophyll, like am I right?

-Then...
-Comes photosynthesis!

-Finally they're getting this!
-We're learning photosynthesis!

We're learning photosynthesis
The joy, the fun, the floral bliss

That's known as photosynthesis.

Could we,
take it one more time from the top?

Sandwiches! Sandwiches!

Oh, how I love sandwiches!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

VERA: May I have your attention

There's something I should mention

Those of you who have detention
Please report to me

[GRUNTS]

Why so blue?
You'd better buck up.

Hey, girl!
You look like a million bucks

You are a pretty one
A sassy, witty one!

With your red hair ablaze
You capture every gaze

[GARGLES]

[GASPS]

Pepper Ann,
you'd better put on your gingham dress.

The hoedown is in a few hours.

Guys, I don't think
I can take any more of this.

Don't you see what's going on here?

We've turned into a bunch
of happy-go-lucky musical zombies.

We've got to fight it.

You've go to quit... bouncing!

Stop it! Stop it!

-[RECORD SCRATCHES]
-That's better.

Now, what do you say we all
get some sleep and...

Sleep? Pepper Ann, we don't have
much time before the clam bake

and we still have to dance on the tables
at Burger Fortress,

-monkey-walk through Lupkin Park, and...
-No! I'm not dancing on any more tables.

I'm done, you understand?
I need my life back!

She's starting to crack

She needs her life back

She wanted it this way

I don't know what to say

Except...

Oh, no. No...

Take a look around
It's a heck of a town

-Fifteen thousand people can't be wrong...
-[SCREAMS]

Mom, you've gotta help me!

Nicky and Milo are freakin' me out...

-[GASPS]
-[MOOSE AND LYDIA HUMMING]

Mac and cheese
If you please

Can't you see I'm on my knees?

Oh, no. No!

I've fed her nothing better
Than elbow noodles dipped in cheddar

It pleases, tempts and teases
All the scrumptious blends of cheeses

I don't care if I'm wrong or right

But I could eat mac and cheese every night

[EXHALES, GASPS]

[PEOPLE WHISTLING]

[FINGERS CLICKING]

PEPPER ANN: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

I know I said I needed
a fast-paced musical romp,

but I was wrong!

As wrong as the time Dieter posed
as Mr. December in the Auto Shop Calendar!

I was naughty, but nice!

I want things to go back to the way
they were before.

-[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
-[GASPS]

Tell me that's not an underscore.

Okay, I get it!

You people are sick.

I have to sing for my point to stick

Then I say enough!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I don't mean to be rude, or seem unkind

If you sing one more song
I will lose my mind

I want back the boring
And the same old rut

I can't take this "heck of a" Hazelnut

Enough!

And, once again, no dancing men

Or C-H-I-C-K-E-N

Enough!

Enough!

Enough, enough

She says she's had enough

I've had enough!

What is she saying?

I don't think she's well.

Maybe she's lost it
You can never tell.

That Pearson girl's odd

A trouble clef

Why is she yelling?
We're old, not deaf!

We're old, not deaf!

Enough
And can't you see

You're k*lling me
And some of you are so off-key

Enough! Enough!

Enough! Enough!

She says she'd had enough!

I've had enough!

Whoa!

Give me my life back
I'm down on my knees

I need the routine of bologna and cheese

I once had it all, and now it's all gone

What are you doing?
Get off my lawn!

Get off her lawn!

Enough!
Do I have to shout?

Just cut it out!

Oh, can't you see I've had about
Enough!

Enough!

Enough! Enough! Enough!

She's had enough!

I've had enough!

[MUSIC STOPS]

[PEPPER ANN GROANING]

[CLAPS]

Don't sit up too fast.

You had quite a nasty spill
during the "Detention" auditions.

Quite a spill you say? Am I okay?

Why isn't this music starting to play?

I'll call the paramedics.

Could you please sign this release?

No faint underscoring?
No clever rhyme schemes?

No gingham dresses! My life is back!

You'd better lie back down, honey.

No! I'm fine.

I'm better than fine!

I had the worst dream.

My life was a musical.

And you were there, Nicky,
and you, Milo, and...

And me?

No.

But it doesn't matter
because I'm back now.

Back to my sane, routine-ridden existence!

I never want to be in another musical
as long as I live!

MS. STARK: Nonsense!

You're the spicy girl
with the flaming red mane.

The part of Monique Janvier
was practically written for you.

Why, no one's spent
more time in detention!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Congratulations, you're our lead!

Dance rehearsals begin
before school tomorrow.

We'll start studying
the music during lunch.

And after school,
we'll rehearse on stage every day

for four glorious hours!

MR. CLAPPER: Kudos, Pepper Ann.

For the next six weeks you will eat,
sleep, and breathe music, music, music!

[BOTH GASP]

I'm never in anybody's dreams.

Milo and Nicky and even Ms. Stark
was there, but no, not me.

Me. Just me, just one, alone

I'm not made of stone

Curse on this wretched eye

A dream-snubbed soul...

am I.

[PEPPER ANN THEME SONG PLAYING]