02x08 - Presenting Stewart Walldinger/P.A.'s Life in a Nutshell

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?

Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

[ALARM RINGING]

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh...

GIRL 2: Who is she and why does
she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Cool! A singing Dieter doll.

-Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!
-Ichstas nichstein schnitzelbank...

I'm telling you Fuzzy is semi-aquatic.

How else did he stay underwater
for so long in issue 87?

He swallowed the time release oxygen pill.

For the last time,
Fuzzy does not have gills.

SKETCH: Hey, Pepper Ann.

Is she talking to me?

Are you sure she didn't say
"My cousin Stan"

or... or "Black Forest Ham"?

Hey, Sketch!

Uh, we were just talking
about, um, water?

I'm fluid. Lis'up, I'm tossing a rager
on Friday.

-You should show.
-Really?

Uh, I... I mean, that's cool. That's cool.

Oh, and, uh, tote your amigs.

[GASPS]

An invite to Sketch's party.

An eighth grade party.
The coolest party of the year.

-How do you tote your amigs?
-Eighth grade lingo! Nicky, translate!

"Tote, to carry with or bring along."

Foolish women, eighth grade lingo
doesn't come from a reference book.

It's a delicate amalgam
of pop culture and social influences.

Amig. Look up Amig.

"Amid, amidst, Amistad..." Nothing.

I'm never gonna understand Sketch
and her friends.

Friends! "Amig" is "amigo."

She said to bring your friends.
That's us!

-[MILO CHUCKLES]
-[NICKY CHEERS]

-I'll have to floss my teeth.
-Huh, I'm not surprised.

I mean, the three of us are the coolest
seventh graders around. [GASPS]

-[BOTH GRUNTS]
-My glasses!

-My comic!
-Oh! My pocket dictionary!

[GRUNTS]

So, Trinket. Did you hear
about Sketch's party on Friday?

It's only the buzz
of the entire cheerleading squad.

I heard they even invited
some seventh graders.

Oh... [CHUCKLES]

That was me.
And Nicky and Milo

'cause, ya know, they're my amigs.
I could talk to Sketch for 'ya.

Hi, no thanks. I don't need that kind
of social pressure.

Yeah, and this year, you, like,
have to bring a date.

Dates? No one mentioned dates.

-Oh, sorry.
-Sorry, Pepper Ann.

Those eighth graders
are going to eat you alive.

Maybe if you caught mono
you could back out gracefully.

There's a kid in the nurse's office
who'll cough on you for ten bucks?

-But, like, you didn't hear it from me?
-[CISSY SCREAMS]

PEPPER ANN: What do you feel
is your strongest date quality?

My encyclopedic knowledge
of all things that melt?

Okay. We'll be in touch.

'Kay, Milo, next one's for you.

Gwen Mezzrow. What do you feel
you can "bring to the party"?

Thanks. We'll let you know.

-I'll call you.
-[SCOFFS] Milo, no.

If we show up at this party
with the wrong dates,

we might as well not show up at all. Next!

You're using the Port-a-lette when an...

If you don't pay your check
and vacate this booth in two seconds,

I'm calling Mall Security.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

We're narrowing down
our date possibilities,

but we're still scouring
the museums for you.

Oh, I've already decided on a date.
I'm inviting Stewart Walldinger.

[BOTH LAUGH]

For a minute there,
I thought you were serious.

I am serious.
I'm going to ask Stewart Walldinger.

PEPPER ANN: What?
Stewart Walldinger represents everything

that is wrong with the seventh grade.

Geekiness, bookishness,
adolescent awkwardness.

Whatever you do,

don't invite Stewart Walldinger to...
Nicky?

He said yes.

You have to reconsider.
Stewart Walldinger is not party material.

[GASPS] Why don't you take
that honka-honka,

-hottie from the Novel Nook?
-Pepper Ann, he's 34.

Age isn't as important as social savvy.

-Stewart'll ruin our shot and...
-Lights out, Princess.

...at any future 8th grade parties.

Pepper Ann! I like Stewart,

I'm taking him to the party
and that's final.

Okay, you think about it.

[LOUD THUD]

-You should go with...
-Me? Are you...

-Crazy? Crazy like a...
-Fox? You are definitely more of a fox.

-[NICKY GIGGLES]
-PEPPER ANN: Nicky, am I crazy

or did I see someone outside
giving away tickets

-to the Yo-Yo Ma concert?
-[NICKY GASPS]

Okay, I've narrowed my choices down
to Alice Kane, and Lola

the horchata girl from Casa Hazelnut.

Uh-huh. I've got to convince Nicky
not to take him.

I dunno. They seem like
they have fun together.

Milo, this is not about fun.
This is about an eighth grade party.

Nicky can't take Stewart Walldinger.
She can't.

-Way to lippo the life outta the rager.
-Ugh, license to hurl.

Load, Pepper Ann. Your amig's male
is a real return to sender.

Don't feed the dorks, Pun'kin.

MILO: Hello?

Dieter's here for your three O' clock.

He's not the obvious choice,
but foreign can translate to exotic.

Reschedule. If Nicky won't listen
to reason, I'll have to dig up some dirt.

-Where are you going?
-PEPPER ANN: Geek ground zero...

the remote control car race track.

Hey, Pepper Ann!

Wanna look through my Click-o-pick?

Uh-hmm. Perfect!

Stewart Walldinger, you just bought
your ticket outta Nicky's life.

-Here, Nicky. I thought you should know.
-I know, Pepper Ann. I've always known.

But now that you've come to terms
with your gross lack

of photography skills,
we can get you some help.

There! I'm sorry Nicky,
but Stewart Walldinger

is seeing another woman!

-Hi, Nicky.
-Hi, Stewart.

This is Thorn. She's my "Adopt A Juvie."
I'm helping her readjust to freedom.

And what a wonderful job you've done.

[SIGHS] He just gives and gives and gives.

[GROANS]

Ow! Is that seventh grader gonna be okay?

-Do we care?
-Load.

Wanna go to Sketch's party with me?

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY] No. You are going
to Sketch's party with me!

Hey, I asked you first.

The party's tomorrow night.
We have 24 hours to ditch the dead weight

and save my...

Our reputation.

I'm gonna do Nicky
the greatest favor of her life.

I'm going to uninvite Stewart Walldinger.

Stewart Walldinger. We have to talk.

-I know Nicky invited you but...
-Oh, Nicky, she's the best.

I just don't... How'd you do that?

See, about Sketch's party... Look out!

-Whoa!
-Wanna give her a spin?

Oh... [CHUCKLES] ...I don't know,
I mean I...

So, how long have you known Nicky?

[PEPPER ANN IMITATES CAR ENGINE]

STEWART: Oh, man, you're driving
the Fuzzy outta that thing.

-PEPPER ANN: You read Fuzzy?
-Nicky and I have a running argument

-about whether or not he has gills.
-Ugh, Fuzzy so does not have gills.

Exactly! Oh-oh, turn!

PEPPER ANN: Hey! I did it.
Look at that, I just... [GASPS]

...Nicky! I was just...leaving.

So, maybe Stewart Walldinger
isn't as bad as you thought.

I'll admit, he may not be that big
of a dork, but he's still a dork.

Two words, P.A., ha-arsh.

Milo, tonight we have an opportunity

to infiltrate the inner circle
of ultra hipness,

and I'm not gonna let anything blow that.
Including... Stewart Walldinger!

Hey.

This may sound a tiny bit, um, brutal,
but I have something to say.

Is it my breath? [EXHALES]
I wanted to floss but...

Nicky, I know that you like
Stewart Walldinger a lot, but...

Really? A lot, a lot?

Hi. I'm talking here.

Now, this party is too important
for you to...

To... to, uh, show up with...
uh, it's just that...

Sorry, Pepper Ann, what were you saying?

It's not important. Let's go.

You people make me sick.

You and you and you,
sitting on your eighth grade high horses

and judging us!

Sure, this guy may not fit
into your prefect stereotype of hipness.

But he is generous and smart
and...smart.

And most importantly,
he makes my friend Nicky happy.

And if that's not load with you,
we don't need to be at your little party.

Whatever, soapbox.
Can you MacGyver the vinyl spinner?

Oh, fully.

Whoa! You gotta relax, Pepper Ann,
take it easy, like Stu W. Dinger there.

You... know Stewart Walldinger...
You know... You know Stewart Walldinger?

Sure. Stu kicks it
at the froth chino fact.

-He's beat.
-But he's... And you're...

He flaps about you lots.
He said you're one load Chachi.

-Uh, is that good?
-Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Of course it is.

I'm a pretty loadie floadie,
flip fly amig totie. [SCREAMS]

-[GIGGLING]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

See Milo, I knew Stewart Walldinger
was cool.

It doesn't matter how you look
or where you hang.

It all boils down to who you are.

We are not stereotypes, Milo.
We are people.

Now, let's go out there
and have us some fun!

Come on. Don't be shy.
You're a great dancer!

[LAUGHS]

MAN ON TV: Kids Say
Absolutely Ridiculous Stuff

-will be back.
-[LAUGHS]

-MAN OVER TV: so don't zap ya...
-[LAUGHS]

-Good evening, Mother.
-Oh, hello my little Pep-u-la!

Mother, I'm very excited about a party
I'd like to attend.

Um, with your permission, of course.

Oh, well, I'm not opposed to a good
ol' fashioned shindig. When is it?

Uh, I'm sorry for the short notice,
but it's... it's actually tonight.

Oh. Well, where is it?

On the football field,
behind the rusted-out tackle dummies.

Oh, well, it's nine o' clock.
When does this party start?

-Later.
-Peppie, no.

You're too young
to be staying out so late.

But, Mom!

Nicky's parents and Milo's parents
are letting them go!

Well, Pepper Ann's parent says no.
That is that, young lady.

MAN OVER TV: Welcome back!
Now I'd like you to meet...

Mom, I hope you know
you're flushing my life down the toilet!

This is so unfair.

Life is unfair sometimes, Peppie.
Ask Amelia Earhart!

MILO: All right, let's go, we're late.

Milo, we have hours.

Including the casual dinner
at Greezy N' Cheezy?

The pre-party Crunch Pod Tourney?

Uh, after the Pod Tourney, I kinda have
to come back here for a while.

This wasn't discussed.
How long do you have to be back for?

'Til my mom falls asleep
and I can sneak out?

-[BOTH GASP]
-I swallowed my gum.

Pepper Ann, no. Don't sneak out!

Nicky, this is the Springtime
Late-Nite Flashback Jam.

The only jam of the year
where the seventh, eighth,

and ninth graders come together
and hobnob as equals!

Pepper Ann, I beseech you,
talk to your mother.

Nicky, the time for talk is over.
Now is the time for action. I have to go!

And when Craig sang an acoustic version
of "Hey, you", well, that rocked!

It was so worth sneaking out, Nicky.

It was easily the best time
I've had in my entire life.

Era meraviglioso...

I mean, it was wonderful, but... [YAWNS]
...I could have used some more sleep.

I dozed off during my Italian exercises

and now I'm having difficoltà
thinking in Inglese.

P.A., check the new 'ish.

"Within the Nutshell...
the 'zine-iest 'zine you've ever seen."

You printed it on paper this time!

The cardboard and wet-wipes
kept jamming the printer.

[PEPPER ANN GRUNTS]

[TEACHER SNORES]

[PEPPER ANN SNORES]

Guys, the latest Within the Nutshell
rocked.

It rocked so hard!

Well, we made a concerted effort to rock.
Rocking was foremost in our minds.

You guys inspired me.

This is the first thing I've ever written
that hasn't been for school.

I call it, Why Detention Is So Lame.

Uh, I have to tweak the mimeo.

Uh, P.A., this... Well, it's...

Did you read the part
where I outlined why detention is so lame?

[INHALES SHARPLY, GROANS]

-I worked so hard on that.
-P.A., it shouldn't have been work.

We're not looking for "work."

We're looking for stuff
that's emotionally honest,

-stuff that's real, stuff that's...
-Within the shell.

Less central nervous,
more cardio pulmonary.

MILO: We're looking for stuff
that's emotionally honest...

STEWART: Within the shell.


PEPPER ANN: "Why Homework Stinks?"

It just...stinks! I hate it!
I really hate...

Have you ever felt like
you were just waiting

for that moment when you change?

When you become that person
you want to be?

When you're not
just a "goofy seventh grader"

but the real you, all the time,
without even thinking about it.

I thought if I went to the Springtime
Late-Nite Flashback Jam,

I'd have a moment like that.

I felt bad about sneaking out,
but I had to go to that party.

Then I had one of those thoughts that,
just by thinking it, wrecks everything.

If I messed up at the Jam,
I would never recover.

I'd be like the Peter Pan of dorkiness.

So there I was, standing right
in the middle of the biggest,

raddest party I've ever been to
and all I could do was stand there

because I was too afraid to say
or do something stupid.

Everyone was having a good time.
Everyone was being themselves.

All I was being was another goofy
seventh grader locked to the punchbowl,

waiting to go home.
I guess I'm still waiting.

Waiting for the day, the moment,
when I'll finally become the real me.

Stewart! Stop the presses.
P.A. kicked it cardio pulmonary!

Uh, Milo, I just finished.
Can't she kick it next issue?

I'll get the recycling bin, buddy.
You start reloading the type.

Yes!

Pepper Ann, your heart, your sensitives?
I relate fully-nuclear.

Hush, the eighth grader
that never speaks... speaking.

We understand why you were
at the punchbowl

and we are really sorry
if we made you feel uncomfortable.

We know all too well how you felt

and now we see
what indeed was up with that.

We love you, Pepper Ann.

Pepper Ann, although I still disapprove
of you defying your mother,

I have to say your emotional honesty,
your lack of misspellings,

I am so proud of you!

[PEPPER ANN HUMS]

-Where did you get that?
-Never you mind where I got it!

You deliberately disobeyed me
and snuck out in the middle of the night!

-But...
-What if something terrible had happened?

I had no idea where you were!
A goalpost could've fallen on you!

You could've gotten tetanus
from those rusty tackle dummies!

-But... But...
-Take your "buts"

up to your room this instant!
You are grounded for two months!

-Mom...
-No!

-You just don't understand!
-Go to your room!

Peppie?

Take this back up to the attic
where you got it.

"Property of Lydia Lilly. No peekies."

LYDIA: March 28, 1968.

Dear Diary, I wish I wasn't so weird.

Ugh, Why can't I just stop thinking
sometimes?

I was at my locker today

and John Memminger
and his friend were walking by.

Before I knew it, they invited me,

seventh grade square me,
with eighth grade groovy them

to the Late-Nite Neon
Carpetbaggers hootenanny.

I broke Mom and Dad's trust
like a dime store piggy bank

and snuck out.

It felt like I didn't even have a choice.

But when I got there, I froze.
I was with the keenest kids in school,

watching my favorite group,
and I couldn't move.

What if I goofed up,
or said something stupid

or knocked over my Colabomb?

Then, when I saw everyone groovin',
I froze even more.

Because no one felt like me.
No one was weird like me.

No one was alone like me.
Well, gotta go... mom's calling.

Yours truly, Lydia Lilly.
P.S. Keep on truckin'!"

Hey, wait a minute!

-Mom, I...
-[LYDIA SOBS]

I hadn't read the whole article until now.

Oh, Peppie, even though it doesn't always
seem like it, I do understand.

Oh, do you?

We've been butting heads so much lately,
but the thing is, we're not so different.

I even snuck out once when I was your age.

-Exact...
-And I got caught.

Janie saw me and tattled
like the baby she...

Anyhoo, I got grounded for two months.

It was definitely tough.
But it wasn't unfair.

But it was unfair
that I didn't hear you out.

Maybe you weren't too young to go.

I should have talked to you
instead of saying no right off the bat.

But you have to give me
a little more notice, okay?

Okay. I'm sorry, Mom.

I shouldn't have broken
your trust like that.

-It was a stupid thing to do.
-Oh, you're my little Pep-u-la.

Mom, I'll always be your little Pep-u-la.

Just not around my friends.
Or within a mile of school.

Oh, honey. Go to your room.

PEPPER ANN: No TV. No blading.

No hanging with friends.
I'm grounded. And you know what?

I deserve it because I broke
my mom's trust.

Sure, she sometimes does things

that make me want to run out
of the room screaming,

but when it comes down to it,
we're really not so different.

And when we talk about things,
well, we can work anything out.

The thing is,
not only is she always there for me

but she's "been there," too.
So I'll say it... I love my mommy.

-So, what'd you think?
-Let me put it this way.

If I wanted mainstream propaganda,
I'd read Hazelnuts 'N Bolts.

Ah... mm-mm.

Oh, Pepper Ann!
It was twice as touching!

Three times as tender!

Alas, I think this, kind of,
emotional openness

is too truthful for the masses.

They're just not ready yet. I love it!

The only good 'zine
is a barely read 'zine.

With a circulation plunge like this,

Within The Nutshell
will become stuff of HMS legend.

Great, glad to help.

MAN ON TV: Kids Say
Absolutely Ridiculous Stuff

will be back, so don't zap ya...

Hi, Mom.

Peppie, I read your new article,
and... [SOBS] ...and...

and I'm so proud you're my daughter!

-So am I still grounded?
-Oh, honey. Of course you are.

Here, I made you this scrapbook.

[CRIES] I need to collect myself...
tissues!

[CRIES]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]