02x07 - Radio Freak Hazelnut/Framed

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?

Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

[ALARM RINGING]

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can! Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Here's my remote control!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

-SPORTSCASTER: Wow! Look at her go!
-[CROWD CHEERING]

This redheaded dynamo is on her way
to breaking the world blading record!

She is on her way to glory!
She is on her way to soup endorsements!

-Oh! That crack came outta nowhere!
-Whoa!

It's gonna cost her!

-[GRUNTS]
-[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Action baby
You got to find it

Whoa!

-BOY 1: Whoa! Daylight.
-[CHUCKLES] Your sound rocks!

-Who said that?
-It's some kid.

-BOY 1: What's that red thing on its head?
-BOY 2: Looks like a cat or something.

Actually, that's my hair
and actually I'm a vocalist.

-Can you do us a favor?
-Yeah!

Keep the noise level down.
Be considerate of our neighbors, okay?

Where have you been? Why did
your new shortcut take you so long?

Yo, PA, you gotta check this. It's raw!

-It's beautiful!
-It's vandalism and it's disrespectful.

-To who?
-To the wall.

Pepper Ann, what is so funny?

Not laughing.
Traumatic incident. Smile stuck on face.

Have you considered
the wonders of acupressure?

[EXHALES]

I was appalled at the cafeteria
this afternoon,

and I don't mean the Lasagna Mexicana.

Whoever sprayed all the serving trays
with that horrible red "hare" graffiti

will be caught, oh yes!
And I better not see any more of it!

[LAUGHTER]

Hmm... Hare, red. Hare, red...

And then I told them I was a singer,

but it was like they were too cool
to listen to me, you know?

-Mm-hm, yeah.
-It was like I was invisible.

Do you got change for a dollar?

And I don't mean like those clear braces
that are supposed to be invisible,

but are really kind of yellowy
and gross...

Freedom of expression lives!

I found another red "Hare"
blazing in the men's room.

-I'll show ya!
-Excuse me?

What? It's on the mirror.
Mirrors are unisex.

And condone
the defacing of public property? Never.

...and chunks of food get caught in them,
like chili, or popcorn, or ribs.

-Invisible? [CHUCKLES]
-[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

-Those braces don't know invisible!
-Check the tube talk!

A town torn. The Mystery Tagger.

True artist or vandal
without a conscience?

The debate rages on.
The only thing both sides agree on?

Not knowing when, or where,
the red "Hare" will strike next.

I found another one,
right next to where I keep my gum!

It's amazing! [CHEWS]

Have you guys ever felt like that?

-Ignored, I mean?
-May I take your order?

What's so "amazing" about it?

This mystery tagger is just a coward
if you ask me.

-Anyone? Ignored?
-Coward? Try genius!

The paint strokes, the use of color...

Milo, the willful destruction
of public property is not art.

Hello? Is this thing on?

-Excuse me.
-I'm outtie.

I'm gonna go see
if I can find another tag.

-Milo, stop! You're getting hysterical!
-I will not be ignored!

What do you have to do
to get service around here?

PEPPER ANN: Now, that's better.
People are finally noticing me.

[CHUCKLES] That's right,
get a good look. Soak it in...

I didn't come to school
in my pajamas again, did I?

Pepper Ann, I want you to know
I do not believe one word of it!

-What?
-That you, Pepper Ann Pearson,

-are the mystery, red menace tagger.
-What? Who says so?

It wasn't long before
my deductive reasoning took me

from "hare, red... hare, red"
to "red hair, red hair."

And who in Hazelnut
has the reddest hair of all?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

[GASPS]
How dare you spread this rumor, Dieter?

-On what grounds? With what evidence?
-Your red hair is evidence enough.

-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.

-My red hair is circumstantial!
-That's right!

And besides,
red hair as in Pepper Ann's red hair

is not spelled, h-a-r-e.

Put that in your pipe, Sherlock!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Maybe it's not her.
Give me something to think about.

Have you noticed anything weird
about your friend's daily routine?

Absolutely not!
There's nothing weird about Pepper Ann

wanting to try out
a new shortcut to Brain Dead

that would end up
making her ten minutes late!

A shortcut that makes you
ten minutes late? [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHTER]

Only because she stopped
to talk with the garage band.

Garage band? What garage band?
Have you seen this garage band?

No! I've never... actually.

-Because there is no garage band!
-There is so!

Of course there is! Why else would
Pepper Ann have had that grin on her face

-when the first tag was discovered?
-Uh-huh, That proves it!

-It is your friends who betray you.
-[CHEERING]

Furthermore, this rumor is still contained
within school limits.

I'll get Tessa and Vanessa
to start damage control

and it'll be over as fast it started.

-[CROWD GASPS]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Just act innocent.
-I am innocent.

Good. That's good. Keep it up.

I'm innocent!

-WOMAN: Tell us another one, Pepper Ann!
-MAN: Hey, Red Hair.

You're red "Hare," right?

-No she isn't... Ow!
-That's the rumor.

You're, like, amazing.
Your art, man, it speaks to me.

You rock! Here, band tee.

They noticed me. They spoke to me.

Only because they think
you're the red "hare," Pepper Ann.

Who cares? Look at my cool new band tee!
It's a hundred percent cotton.

[LYDIA CLICKING TONGUE]

All I can say is this graffiti bandit
must be in desperate need of attention.

What's so bad about getting attention?

Well, nothing, honey,

as long as it's not
for doing something that's ill*gal,

immoral or reflects poorly
on your upbringing.

Yeah, you're right.

Who wants to be known for spraying paint
all over other people's stuff.

Especially when you could spray paint
all over your own stuff,

adding a warm and individual touch
to any room.

Mom? Where did you get these stencils?

A blond was hawking them on television
so I went to the art store and got some.

-They always jack up the price on TV.
-I'm calling Uncle JoJo at the precinct.

-Why, honey?
-I'm turning myself in!

Good for you!

Hand me those dried flowers
and the staple g*n.

As I told you last night
at 6:00, 10:00 and 11:00,

and today at 5:30 a.m., 11 a.m., noon
and in our 2:00 p.m. broadcast,

the Crisis in the Community
is about to come to a close,

right here on our 4:30,
late afternoon report.

-Officer JoJo has more.
-[MUNCHING]

Now? Okay. Uh...

The anonymous tagger
contacted the police anonymously...

[CLEARS THROAT] ...to tell us
that they will reveal their identity

at the present location at, uh,
what has now become the present time.

Let's go inside.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

I gotta tell you after vibin'
with the mystery tagger

and feelin' their solid style,
hip choice of color

and smokin' off-beat wit,
I have deemed said artist

worthy of a show... [SNIFFS]

...next to my pastry display case.
Thank you. Thank you.

-[APPLAUSE]
-After a few stipulations.

That the perp perform community service,
hold talks to explain

why vandalism is wrong,

and clean up the locations of his or her
prior... [CLEARS THROAT] ...artwork.

Cool, thank you. And now, I would like
to introduce this cool young artist.

-[ALL GASP]
-Oh Gosh!

I want to thank you all
for recognizing my obvious talents.

But of course,
true talent cannot be kept hidden.

True talent cannot remain inside.

Um, lights cannot be kept under...

You're a liar! I'm Red Hare!
Red Hare is me!

-[ALL GASP]
-Disco!

That is impossible!
He's only a red herring!

Pepper Ann is red Hare!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Who is that?
I've never seen that kid before.

Who is he, Pepper Ann?

Who is he? He is all of us.

-[ALL GASP]
-He is not me!

-I would know if I was him, and I am not.
-Me neither.

If there is someone among us
who us has never craved attention

or felt ignored or been dazzled
by new cotton tees,

let them cast the first stone.

How about a scone?
Can I cast the first scone then?

He is an individual
trying to express himself.

A tortured, bucktoothed soul
seeking validation through his artwork.

Buck-toothed?

Is it wrong
to want to make a statement? No.

The mistake my short friend made
was in his choice

-to deface public property.
-Short?

Vandalism in any form is wrong!

But the desire to take a stand
and express oneself isn't!

-Somebody say, "oh yeah!"
-Oh, yeah, baby!

Am I right, kid? Am I right?

I don't know.
I just did it to get attention.

[CROWD GASPS]

Here are the parents of this tragic,
misguided youth.

What's their take on
what has now become a three-ring circus?

-Why, son? Why?
-Don't we give you enough attention?

-You don't give him enough attention.
-I don't?

-You don't!
-You don't!

My parents give me
more than enough attention.

But I want more.

I want the world to look at me
and say, "Boy..."

Well, that wraps it up.

Stay tuned for my 5:30
Early Evening Report

where I go undercover
to expose an ill*gal c*ck ring.

Here in Hazelnut? You bet!

-And, we're clear.
-Good work, people.

Put me down for ten bucks
on c*ck-doo-dah.

Did you see this?

Art or not, that kid can't go around
destroying other people's property!

-Although he does have lovely penmanship.
-Poor kid.

Can you imagine going through all that
just to get people to notice.

Action baby! You got to find it!

Not only are you going to do everything
Officer JoJo said,

but you are also grounded
until high school, young man!

Can I have a pony?

-We'll see.
-We'll see.

Why? Why the red hare? Why?

I dunno. I like rabbits.

[CRYING] I need strudel!

Nicky, Milo,
clear your Saturday night schedules.

We're going to the Flaming Snot concert.

P.A., you know we didn't get tickets.
We stood in line ten...

KNUT is giving away
front row seats to the tenth caller

when they play the Snot's new single,
"Snot For Teacher!"

With the ingenious earpiece radio
I got in a box of Fuzzy-O's

and my mom's thousand free minutes,
we're practically guaranteed the seats!

Today's lesson is...

"Multi-culture Mash,
The Miracle of Yogurt."

Okay, now,
if you refer to your syllabus...

ANNOUNCER: You're listening to KNUT,
the ro-ro-ro-rock of the Tri-Nut block!

Hey, hey, hey! DJ Scribble with ya,
about to announce the next time

we'll be giving you a shot
at Flaming Snot tickets for this Satty!

WAYNE: You're listening to the
Wayne Macabre radio program,

I'm Wayne Macabre, the lone lighthouse
that parts the haze around the ol' nut.

So I'm trying to get to class,

and I'm forced to maneuver
around Chillade-sucking,

Crunch Pod zombies
infecting the HMS hallways.

-But, I love Chillade and the Pod.
-WAYNE: They clog up the halls,

singing the praises of Flaming Snot

and recounting the insipid details
of this month's latest Fuzzy comic.

-But, I love the Snot! I love Fuzzy!
-WAYNE: Fuzzy is a misled lint ball.

It's 10:15 and you're listening to KHMS,
Hazelnut Middle School's radio network.

The school's radio station?

That show is coming from here?

WAYNE: You know, political correctness
has driven HMS sports insane!

Do we truly need two soccer teams?

These little chick-tators
should leave the football to the boys

and form a nice double Dutch
squad instead.

So, don't go bad-mouthing bacteria
if you're lovin' your yogurt!

That is the biggest load of garbage
I've ever heard!

We took leave of the farm
to seek a new life in the modern world.

I want Little Zachariah's transition
to be as mild as warranted.

Pearson, can't you see
I'm in a meeting?

-What are you doing here?
-Carter sent me because I said

he's full of garbage.
Principal Hickey, have you heard this?

ANNOUNCER: Oh, my and there they go,

the last two tix to Flaming Snot
at the Sani-Paper Pavilion this Satty!

Thank you, but I'm going
to Neil Diamond that night.

WAYNE: If girls soccer continues,
I assure you,

we'll have a shin guard shortage
by the year 2000.

[CHUCKLES] Listen to that
chauvinistic sewage!

Principal Hickey,
you've got to get him off the air!

Young Mr. Macabre
took an unused bucket of bolts

rusting in a janitor's closet

and turned it around
into a county-class radio station!

He's an anti-Chillade,
Pod-opposing, soccer-sexist!

Sure, I'd love to trample
students' rights,

put punks in their place, silence critics

who say I've given the Spanish Club
too much power.

-[CRYING]
-[CLEARS THROAT]

Unfortunately, there's a little thing
called the First Amendment

that guarantees free speech.

Macabre stays, Pearson.

Where were we? Uh, yes.
You were looking for a mild transition.

WAYNE: Welcome to the afternoon
edition of the show.

I'm your host, Wayne Macabre.

Today's topic, the glorified
finger painting seminars

known as art classes.

I know Macabre's appalling,

but there's nothing that Principal Hickey
can do about it.

[STUTTERS] He can take him off the air!

Pepper Ann, the First Amendment
of the United States Constitution says,

and I paraphrase,
"Congress shall make no law

"abridging the freedom of speech."

Nicky, please.

Pepper Ann,
no one is listening to him, anyway.

-I'd have to agree with Ms. Little.
-This guy's a small fish. A guppy.

WAYNE: Art is a plumber!
Art is not a fifth period class!

P.A., can I have that radio a sec?

Art... is... life!

I have a plan
for Macabre's removal. You in?

Without art, comic books
would be but brief novels!

Um, is that a yes?

Hello, Hillary Clinton?
This is Pepper Ann! Pearson!

There's some bad stuff going down
at my school radio station and I...

Yeah, but this guy, he's...

Yes, but I think...
Sure, health care is totally imp...

I know it takes a village, but...

My mom needs me, burnt toast,
gotta go, bye.

Jeez! Looks like we're on our own, Milo.
There's only one thing to do. Boycott.

-What do we want?
-No more Macabre!

-When do we want it?
-By the end of the week at the latest!

What do we want?
When do we want it? What do we want?

-So...
-When do we want it?

...what language do you speak in Prague?

What do we want?

No more Macabre!

-When do we want it?
-By the end of the week at the latest!

-Pepper Ann, what are you doing?
-Boycott Wayne Macabre!

I mean, Boycott Wayne Macabre!

-Like, who's Wayne Macabre?
-Who's Wayne Macabre?

Wayne Macabre is a DJ heck-bent
on destroying girls soccer.

He's a threat to everything we hold dear,
from Chillade to Choco-Herons.

What station is he on?

That's the worst thing of it all,
he broadcasts from this very school!

On KHMS! Listen!

We have our own radio station?

WAYNE: In-line skating! Ha!
They're all out of line!

[GASPS]

See? He's got to be stopped!

-And the only way to do that is to...
-ANNOUNCER: Boycott!

Someone is starting a boycott
of this radio program.

Her name? Pesky Ann Pearson.
My advice to you, P.A.P.?

Go straight to your local library

and start doing research
on getting a life!

[LAUGHTER]

-What's the frequency, Milo?
-Sounds like compelling stuff!

-GWEN: I wanna know more!
-[CLENCHING TEETH]

Everybody's listening to him now.

Pepper Ann, instead of trying
to silence Macabre,

why don't you just give him
a taste of his own medicine...

offer up your opinions as a counterpoint.

He's too big now.

No, I need to do something
that'll knock him off the air for good.

Something drastic.

It's not up to you to decide
who can and can't be on the radio!

But he's wrong!

Yes, but you're wronger!
[GASPS] I mean, more wrong.

[YAWNS]

-WAYNE: Go ahead.
-PEPPER ANN: Who are you?

Wayne Macabre here

where the Hazelnut buck stops
and is changed into sense.

-Hello, Pepper Ann.
-I'm not...

You have a name tag
stitched to your forehead.

[GRUNTS] Mom!
Fine! It's me, Pepper Ann!

I'm taking these glassy rods,
which I'm sure are vital,

and I am not giving 'em back
'til you're taken off the air!

How's them apples, Macabre?

-Here. They're called vacuum tubes.
-Cool. Okay, see ya.

Good job, Pepper Ann.
It's the best a coward could do.

-Coward? Ha!
-It's easier to be a coward.

If I were one, I could just go
to the girls' soccer locker

and steal all their ba*ls and flags.
Boom, no more girls' soccer.

Even if you take those tubes,
you can't take my voice, Pepper Ann!

And that's all I need!

Because despite an unfortunate phobia
of jams and jellies, I am not a coward!

You should try to sell those.

You might get enough money
to buy a backbone.

I have a backbone, Macabre.
And a voice! Here.

Now, why don't you put me
on the air with you?

Or are you the one that's backboneless?

-Me put you on the radio? Ha!
-What's the matter, Wayne?

Or does freedom of speech
not apply to a girls' soccer player?

-I thought you said you weren't a coward.
-I'm not.

Today's show, third period.

WAYNE: As some of you may have heard,

I have a guest in the studio
with me, today,

-Pester Ann...
-PEPPER ANN: Hey!

-WAYNE: Ahem, Pepper Ann Pearson.
-ANN: Hi, Ma-slob, ahem,

-I mean, Macabre.
-Yes! Point, P.A.!

PEPPER ANN: If I could take just a moment,
I'd like to say something.

Nicky, if you're out there,
you were right.

Spending time trying to silence
some nimrod's voice is stupid.

WAYNE: Hey!

PEPPER ANN: If you don't like what someone
is saying, say something yourself.

WAYNE: Okay. Girls soccer is about
as useful as maracas during wartime.

PEPPER ANN: Well, ay caramba, Wayne.
Have you ever even been on a soccer field?

-[GASPS]
-I know my way around a soccer field...

-a wee bit better than you, missy!
-Oh, really? Care to show me?

Why don't you put your money
where your mic is

and just settle this once and for all...
on the soccer field!

Anytime!
If I didn't have these tender shins!

What's happenin'?

-Who...
-What the...

I'm sorry, but KHMS is no more.

I demand an explanation.

Both of your antics stirred up
enough interest

in the school's AM frequency

that we were able to sell it to this
gentleman's Tejano music station

for a muy bueno sum.
They assume control starting now.

RADIO HOST: Buenos días, para todos!
Vamos a ponerlos picante! Ay, ay, ay!

Aquí está,
“Mi Corazón Está Para Las Fiestas”!

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Woah, that was great! [CHUCKLES]

The thrill of being able to speak out
against moronic attitudes beats

boycotting some windbag
any day of the week.

For girls soccer, against girls soccer,
it really doesn't matter.

Sooner or later it comes down
to the almighty thirst

for really good Tejano music.

-So long, people.
-Not so fast, Macaby.

I believe we have a score to settle.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ANNOUNCER: Chile Ana está delante
de la meta! Dispara la pelota!

-Gol!
-[CROWD CHEERING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]