00x00 - Film (All Episodes)

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I'll come clean with you.
I'm not in a good place.

I'm having a real honest-to-goodness
crisis of faith.

Faith in myself, Faith in the world...

Faith in... faith.

Wolverine. I look at Wolverine
and I wonder:

"How can he even function knowing
he's the most screwed-over..

..person in the history of
the universe?"

Congratulations Wolverine...

You are no longer the most screwed-over
human in the history of the entire world!!

Damn it!

My first instinct is that
I'm going to get whacked.

Goodfellas-style.

So sad that that is my first thought.

- Hi Jessica.
- Who the hell are you?

The woman who's going to save your life.

Do you know what S.W.O.R.D. is?

It's an acronym for "Sentient World
Observation and Response Department.

Who doesn't love an acronym?

It's a secret counterterrorism and
intelligence agency.

Which deals with extraterrestrial
threats to world security.

You think the Skrulls rolled you over?

You should see what happened
to me and my people.

Truthfully, it was my job and
my job alone what..

..happened to you from happening.

It was my fault. They got in under my watch.

What am I supposed to do here?
Punch you in the face?

There are 32 alien races living
here on the planet Earth.

All of them are unwelcome.
All of them!

There is an argument that says even their existence here dangerously upsets the natural balance of the world.

But we're here today to talk about the Skrulls.

Shape-shifters came here to take away our world.

And they failed.

And no, they are not all gone. Living among us,
hiding, planning, looking for a way home.

I want to become an agent of S.W.O.R.D.

I want to find these aliens.

Especially these Skrulls.

And I want you to stop them from
doing whatever they are doing.

I'm giving you alien executive order.

How the hell would I find them?

Well, you're a private eye.
So you can do what you do.

But this... This is a very cool
doohickey you can't buy in any stores

You'll be fed intel as I have it and off
you go to do that which needs to be done.

How do I know you're even who you say you are?

Well, ask your avengers pals. They know me.

I'm offering you a chance to take
all that anger and all that pain..

and bring it on those who actually deserve it.

And maybe not so much on yourself.

Yeah.

I know what I'm talking about in that department.

- What is it?
- Skrull detector.

Seriously?

No. wouldn't that be nice though?

This is a very fancy, very shmancy environmental bioscanner.

It covers a small radius, it can tell if there's
anyone in the vicinity who's not reading human.

Good to have. Simple to use.

But how long would I be doing this?

Till you say. It stops when you want.

You stop producing, I stop putting money in your account.

Oh yeah, there's money involved too.

But we both know this isn't about money.

I know you were also asked to be an avenger.

If you do do that, that's fine.
Nothing wrong with that

But this is separate.

Those Avengers of yours, this isn't for them.

Other than Wolverine, they're not going to go
down the road you need to go down to do this job.

There's already a name on your phone. Go get.

And don't lose that stuff.
It's expensive as all hell.

My name's Abigail Brand by the way.

Where'm I going?

One thing about the world.. There's all
kinds of seedy little corners in it.

But there's only one place in the world that
is the actual seedy corner of the world.

Madripoor, I think I know why
they sent me here first.

They know I'm ready to k*ll anyone
I can get my hands on.

And in this hole, the chances of me hurting
anyone who doesn't deserve it for something..

are almost nil.

I've got money now. I could afford
a fancier place in a better part of town.

But I have a feeling this is
exactly the crowd I want to be in.

Everyone here looks like
they're in disguise.

Everyone looks like
they are up to something.

Room.

Hooker at the bar is ready to k*ll me.

She thinks I'm competing.

I should take a pill or something.

I'm driving myself insane.

This bed is disgusting. Who knows what I'm sitting in.

Cooties.

Let's just see why I'm here.

Koru Kaviti.

S.W.O.R.D. thinks he was fourth in
command under the Skrull Queen.

He took off before the big central park
superhero versus skrull battle.

When Thor showed up,
a bunch of Skrulls scattered.

I love a coward.

Says here Super-Skrull has
the powers of a bunch of us.

So I'm outpowered.

I wonder why they think he/she/it here.

I could ask.

Why..do..you..think...

Son of a--

Damn it!

Jessica, thank God I found you.
Listen and listen carefully...

Your life is in danger.

Okay, Spider-Man came crashing into my
hotel room to tell me my life is in danger.

I'm serious. You have to get out of this country.

Except this isn't New York. It's Madripoor.

This is what we call bullcaca.

How so?

You're working for S.W.O.R.D. now.
Wolverine looked into it.

The've been completely infiltrated by alien operatives.

- The whole thing is a joke.
- And you swung on a web-line all the way..

..from New York City to Southeast Asia to tell me this?

No, man. The Avengers are here.
We're all here looking for you.

Come with me. We have a rendezvous point
thingamajig and we'll get out of here.

Wolverine thinks he can get ahold of Nick Fury
and we'll try to uncover what's going on.

- The only problem with your story is..
- Story?

..that you're completely full of..

Twelve stories up.. This is going to hurt.

Don't you..

Don't

touch

me!

Gotta watch the temper.

A dead suspect.. is no suspect.

Ow. I fell out of a building.

That really hurt.

AGENT OF S.W.O.R.D.
EPISODE 2

I don't care who you are...

Powers, no powers..

When you wake up after a fight,

You don't wake up brain first or eyes first..

You wake up pain first.

Yeah, this is pretty much where I figured
I'd wake up if I woke up at all.

A Madripoor jail.

It would so wonderful if this was the first
time I'd ever woken up in a place like this.

But sadly, that's not the life I'm living.

C'mon, big shots. Show yourselves.

Hello?

You're probably saying to yourself: Isn't she some kind of super-hero..

..with super-powers. Isn't she Spider-Woman?

Can't she break herself out of this?

Yes I can.

I swear.

But that won't get me what I need to know.

I'd like to speak to the manager.

- What are you doing here in Madripoor Miss Drew?
- That's mine.

I know.

- What is it?
- It's a watch.

No. It is not.

It's a space alien detector.

How does it work?

- See the green light?
- Yes.

Means we're okay. But turns red, not so much.

- And this?
- It's my phone.

American super hero comes to this
country with a fake passport..

and kills a space alien in public.

We've already contacted Norman Osborn's people.

We're arranging a quiet extradition.

They were very interested in finding you.

Oh well, guess it's that time.

- Can I tell you something?
- Please.

I'm really scared.

- Can I..
- I'm just scared.

This is something I don't like
to tell a lot of people about.

It's something I can do.

It's a power I have.

I didn't do anything. I'm--

- I was attacked.
- I know.

I know.

Will you help me?

- Can you get me out of here?
- Everything's going to be okay.

And you're saying to yourself, hold on.
How is this happening now?

One minute you're being interrogated
by a cold automaton..

..and now he's about to faint
from the sight of you.

Can you brainwash people? Not really.

But I can make people love me, or fear me.

I do it with chemicals.

I secrete them out of my body and I can make
anyone near me feel any way I want them to.

Can you take me to your car?

He doesn't know what he's feeling.
He doesn't know what to think.

Come on.

And another thing...
It doesn't turn off right away.

I am so glad we met like this.

You have no idea how long I've been looking for someone who..

..really connects with me on a...

Skrulls!

Damn it!

I was wrong. That's not a Skrull.
That's S.H.I.E.L.D.

The flying car running from an assassination..
--is defenitely S.H.I.E.L.D.

- Police! Freeze!
- Do not move!

On the ground!

Crap!

This is 544 on the roof. We need backup!!

I was wrong. It isn't S.H.I.E.L.D.

It's Hydra.

Come Give momma a hug!

Madame Hydra.

A.K.A. Viper.

A.K.A. one of the most bipolar
t*rrorists that has ever lived.

Ever.

I'll say this. That whole time
Skrull aliens that abducted me..

and ruined my life.

She's the only thing on earth I didn't miss.

- Get in, Jessica.
- No.

No?

My mother-- My real mother--

..told me never to get in a car
with a known t*rror1st assassin..

..holding a giant g*n.

Yeah, in her most crazy moments--she thinks she's my mother.

She's not. My mother's dead.

Get in because more cops are coming. Oh look,
I see a police helicopter on its way.

So you'd better get going, then.

They're going to blame you for this mess.
Get in.

- I have something very cool to show you.
- I'll take my chances.

Sweetie, I'll mow them down. All of them.
Every single one. You know I will.

- Stop it!
- Get in then.

She will. She doesn't care about anything.

Damn anarchists.

Damn it.

- Move over.
- Take us home, Viper.

Can I tell you how excited I am you're back?

I am! I can't hold it in.

I, all of us, we were watching all that Skrull crap
in New York and there you were--Alive and well.

I was so happy. I was so proud of you.

What do you want from me?

You know what I want.

I want you to get over yourself and come back in.
Be Hydra. You are Hydra.

- It's in your blood.
- Stop it.

Without us, what are you?

You're a pale reflection of your former self.

You were never more alive than when
you were with us and you know it!

It's why you're here. You came to
Madripoor because that's where we are.

I came.. I want you to listen to me..

- I came here because--
- I know why you think you came here.

Because you're an agent of S.W.O.R.D.
looking to hunt down Skrulls.

And how would you know that?

We have agents everywhere.

- In S.W.O.R.D.?
- Everywhere!

Then why do you need me?

I don't need you. You need us.

I'm here to save you.
Help you realize that.

Let's go.

You needed an escape from your new life..

..and I gave you one. And you took it by the way, yeah.

Uh-huh.

We take care of our own. We're all the same.

And I can prove it to you,

because, once again, my dear, my darling,

Stop!

Everyone stop.

I told you. Jessica is just confused.

She's been through a lot.

You like? Stole it from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Good stuff. I know how you can get sometimes.

You want to fight with me? You want to k*ll me?

You want to what? Run away?

I know. It's okay.

What I'm saying..What I'm offering..
It's confusing.

I asking you to rebel against corporate society.

I'm asking you to sacrifice a great deal
for something almost intangible.

You need to belong to something stronger.

Come on, Skrull Hunter. I want to show you something.

Our needs are the same. Our goals are the same.

You need to Skrull-hunt and I need you to Skrull-hunt.

I was thrilled when S.W.O.R.D. hired you.

I need these Skrulls out of this country.

This is our base and they are upsetting
the delicate nature of our work.

Wait.. Wait.

Did you set me up to come here?

- No.
- Does Agent Brand work for you?

No.

- You wouldn't tell me if she did.
- I would.

I hate you.

I hate everything you represent.

You m*rder*r! You coward!

YOu keep projecting your mania on to me.

You keep entering my life as if
you're doing me some favor.

You better fight me now because I'm
going to leave here and I'm going to..

- bring the Avengers and I'm going to..
- Hold that thought.

I told you: You need us, we need you.

You want closure. Here's closure.

He's all yours.

AGENT OF S.W.O.R.D.
EPISODE 3

Yes, I introduce to you..
An honest-to-goodness Skrull.

We caught him trying to blend in with us.

He thinks we're stupid.

- The Skrull empire on the whole must have thought us stupid.
- Stop talking.

Thing is--He's one tough cookie monster.

We can't get him to talk.
We can't get anything out of him.

- But now that you're here ...
- Stop talking!

Tell my friend your name, creature.

Give praise to your queen.

Why has God forsaken me?

Because he doesn't like you. Oh, and there is no God.
There's that too.

Could you leave us alone.

"God." A space alien from the planet
gleep-gloop that believes in God.

- Unbelievable...
- Would you leave us alone?

I'll wait outside.

I know Hydra is watching.

I know there's something else going on here.

She hasn't turned over all her cards yet.

All the hell these Skrulls made of my life..

All they stole from me...

Never actually seen one before.

What's your name?

Pili Natu.

You're not even the one I'm looking for.

Can we go home now?

Wow. It took me this long to
figure out he thinks I'm one of them.

He actually thinks I'm the
Skrull that replaced me.

He must be out of his mind.

Who knows how long he's been here,
or what they've done to him.

- I'm looking for Koru Kaviti.
- They hurt me.

They--they are monsters.

Koru Kaviti.

- Take me out of here.
- He doesn't know.

He doesn't know anything.

Take me home!

How many of you are left here on earth?

I don't know.

If you tell me, I can get you out of here.

Oh no.

No.

I'm not your queen.

k*ll you!

You think I can't take this?

I can take it.

I can take anything you've got.

I was born like this.

I was born broken!

You're welcome..
JESSICA!!

But no.. No.

I don't know what I'm doing.

And no, I don't know where I'm going.

I'm just running.

I just..

..have to get out of here.

I can't be here! I can't!

No more!

Two things. Pack up the building. We're burnt.

And second, find Miss Drew
and bring her back to me.

Hire out if you have to.

I snap out of my panic just in time to remember.

I can't fly.

Crap.

When you're about to die, the world
doesn't crank into slow motion.

Your life doesn't flash before
any part of your body..

As far as I can tell, from the couple of
times I've actually come close to dying..

I can pretty much gasp for air and go into
some weird world of hyper-instinct...

Kind of reminds someone like myself that
jumping off buildings only works..

..when I actually I have my Spider-Woman
uniform on. I have a unique biology.

And the wings on my costume glide me..

It wouldn't work for you, but it works for me.

Without the wings, I'm just..this.

At least I can decide what I'm going to fall on--
Do not try this at home.

What was I saying? Oh yeah.

Yeah.. Can one of you get my clothes?

And I'd like to be arrested..If at all possible.

Yeah, this will be fun.

The last time I was here two days ago,
Madame Hydra assassinated .

..two dozen cops.

Yes, I was out cold for two days.

At least I got some sleep.

As far as they know, it was me who
k*lled those cops or I was in cahoots.

These cops want to k*ll me and I don't blame them.

Most of them don't speak English or maybe
I'd say something. Try to explain myself.

But what could I say? So why did I ask to come back here?

Hope that makes you feel better, pal.

But I know it won't.

I'm detective Wang.

English. Good. Hi. I want you to know..
I had nothing to do with the cops...

Why are you here, Miss Drew?

I'm a secret agent hunting alien Skrulls.

You know that from last interrogation
which you recorded..

..and the dead body in your basement.

We have many bodies in the basement since you came here.

And those things. I'm going to need them back.

In a minute. I have a few more questions..

In a minute?

You did hear the part where
I said I know where Hydra is?

Yes.

What organization are you working for?

Are you kidding me with this??

Hydra has just k*lled a dozen of your fellow
officers and you're giving me the runaround?

Asking me questions you already
know the answers to?

It's a secret.

How long have you been in Madripoor?

Well, remember when I told
you I can make people feel..

..a certain way towards me?

Remember how I made that other
cop fall in love with me?

I can turn it the other way too.

- Are you an agent of Hydra?
- No

If I focus for a second, I can pretty
much scare the piss out of anyone.

Chemically.

- Then what's with the double talk?
- No, no.

- I'm not--I'm..
- I tell you that I know where the t*rrorists..

..who k*lled your cop friend are and you act
like I just tried to sell you insurance?!

Please! Don't hurt me!

You know I could though, right?

- I came back here because I wanted to
do right by you!

Please don't--

But he doesn't have to tell
me anything..I figured it out.

The last cop told me.

We're arranging a quiet extradition.

They were very interested in finding you.

- Damn it!
- No

Oh God! Please!

Close your eyes.

Who's here to get me?!

- I don't know..
- Who's here for me?!!

Well, whoever was watching on the little cam..

..is already at the door.

I have about three seconds
to do what gotta do.

Thing is I did come back here to
try to do right by these guys.

I don't know which cops are
crooked and which aren't.

All I know is a bunch of
guys died for no reason.

Guys with families. Kids.

Kids.

But I won't lie to you, I really
came back for my stuff.

I need this stuff to do
what I came here to do.

And being bamboozled by Hydra wasn't it.

Being tricked into a showdown wasn't it.

And I'm damn well not going
to let someone get the..

..drop on me.

Hey there, hot pants..

Yeah, I know.. Too late.

AGENT OF S.W.O.R.D.
EPISODE 4

As with most things..
this I could have done without

Bt the authority vested in me by the
United States of Norman Osborn,

you, honey, are under arrest!

Uh-huh, well, no offense, but
I have no idea who you are! So..

Lie down on the ground, Miss Drew!

You heard the girl. Down!!

What are you, like, the
New Defenders or--?

We're the Thunderbolts!

We're Norman Osborn's A-Team!

And he's the big man in charge now.

As in--you're screwed!

Yeah, that part I got.

Thing is, I'm not sure
what to do here.

I don't know what the relationship
is between Osborne and S.W.O.R.D.

It now occurs to me there are a lot of
things I don't know about my new gig.

And I was too gung h* to ask
when I had the chance.

You're Osborn's A-Team? Really?

How far down the rolodex do you think
he was when he settled on you guys?

No offense..guy with the thing for a head..

- And you.
- Two of us are world-class marksmen..

And we both have g*ns pointed right at that lovely
triangle bull's-eye you put on your forehead.

What do you want from me?

Oh..Nothin'.

We don't want anything from you,
gorgeous. We're here for a pick up.

Usually you see us, it's lights out,
night night.

You're lucky, Osborn
wants a word with ya!

We have strict orders
to bring you in alive!

Get on the ship.

Little tip for those of you looking
to get into this line of work.

If you don't intend on k*lling your
opponent, don't actually tell them that.

It gives them a huge advantage.

Run!

Yeah, I'm running. Sometimes
it's the smartest move.

Not the coolest, but the smartest.

- I didn't know she could do that with the blasty.
- Read your intel.

- Like it helped you.
- Let's go!! Go!!

Okay.. Okay..

This is ghost. I got her.

You're welcome.

The ghost. Okay. Love these invisible guys.

They always want to show you
they can turn invisible.

Another tip for you up-and-comers.

If you can turn invisible, stay invisible.

Oh God!

Being visible completely negates the
effectiveness of the invisibility

Damn it!

Intangible.. that's a different thing.

I know how to get this guy.

If I force him to stay intangible, he can't
be tangible enough to do anything to me.

He cant fight back. That's
Nick Fury training, right there.

Ah no. Ah damn.

Guys! I lost her!

Paladin, take point.

Ant-Man, do an aerial recon.

Ya gotta be a little impressed.

She's good.

Yeah..I'm in here.

I figure the best way to end this fight is..

..to get my boss to get their
boss to get them off my back.

Sorry boss, can't exactly talk right now. Thunderbolts
are here. Can you get them off my back?

No.
- What do I do?

Osborn doesn't know about S.W.O.R.D.
Do not engage. Do not get captured.

Too late for not engaging.
I'm in a pickle. Advise.

Run like hell.

I hear them scampering about.
They're right out there.

She's a mile away. I say we regroup.

Hello?? Can any of you hear me?

Hold on.

Headsman!! Headsman,

I said regroup! Get up here!!
We need you on recon!!

Guy doesn't listen.

O'Grady! Bring the ship around! We're
going to have to do an environment scan.

- What was that now?
- Bring the ship around!

What do we tell Osborne?

We tell him: mission failed.

He is not going to like that.

So, how are we getting home?

Are you quite finished
screwing around, Miss Drew?

Screwing around,

Seriously?

Did you forget what the phrase
"Secret Agent" means?

Hey! Hey..I've had my hands
full out here, Miss Brand.

So that's the reason you told the
local police you were a secret agent

hunting Skrulls?

They had a dead Skrull in their basement.
So does Hydra, FYI.

- Doesn't mean you have to volunteer your--
- Listen!

I was ambushed the second I got here.

The Skrulls knew I was coming.
At least one of them did.

And if one of them did then the one
I'm looking for probably does too.

You think I don't know what I'm doing? You
don't think I've done stuff like this before?

This is what you do when
your target is hiding.

When your target could be any shape
or size. This is what you do.

You rattle cages.

And when I showed up,
they got scared and sloppy.

They came after me. Sloppy and scared.

And I, we, need them to get scared.
And sloppy.

It's our best bet. Get it?

But this cage rattling got Madame Hydra
off her backside and up yours.

You have half the Madripoor
authorities looking for you.

You said you had a lead on my Skrull?

Yes. The Skrull that attacked you in your
hotel room had his civilian id on him.

- His human identity.
- Really?

You could have checked yourself.

I was unconscious.

Be that as it may.

That gives the thing footprints.
Contacts.

You remember those from your days
as a private eye, don't you?

I seem to remember a lot less sass coming
out of you when you were hiring me.

You don't see me bringing up the idea
that the Skrulls were on to me..

..the second I got here and the only ones
who knew I was coming was your people.

Yeah, well, do understand that I,
too, have been around the block.

and I know when a field agent
is giving me a song and dance.

So that whole "you knew what you
were doing" thing--

It didn't stick.

Listen..

I know you've had a run of bad luck
the likes of which, hell..I don't know.

And I'm not trying to give you more..

But you're out there--
and things are complicated.

You--you have to be smarter.

If I wanted someone bouncing off the
walls, I'd have hired Spider-Man.

I need your best.

You need--you need to be your best.

Or it's over.

The intel I have is coming to you.

Don't worry about Osborne or H.Y.D.R.A.

You stay on mission. Have fun.

Kisses.

I needed a day to sleep,
clean and feed myself.

I don't care if it gave my Skrull
another 20 hour head start.

I'd been burning both ends for days.
I needed to heal.

So what's the big break in my case?

Well, these Skrulls shape-shift
but they have to fit in somehow.

They have to interact with
people on some level.

They've run halfway around the
world to escape from w*r crimes.

They have to have interacted
with someone to do that.

So when one goes missing..And I
know of two that have gone missing.

Someone should care.
Someone should notice.

Well, one person did. A girl.

Zhang Lee.

She reported her new boyfriend missing yesterday.

She went to the police and
asked to speak to the avengers.

She said she had some
important information.

The police told her to fill out a form
and left her sitting in the lobby for..

..six hours before she got up and left.

Excuse me, english?

Little bit.

I'm detective Drew,

You asked to speak to the police
about a missing person?

Yeah, I'm going to need a little
chemical romance on this one.

I really want to hear
what you have to say.

My boyfriend--my boyfriend is missing.

Yes

You said you told the police you
needed to speak to the avengers?

My boyfriend--He is Spider-Man.

I fear he die or hurt.

Your boyfriend is Spider-Man?

Yes, he gone for a week.

He is gone.

How long have you been dating him?

Three week.

Did he tell you his real name?

Yes, his name is Brandon Kay.

Is he American or--

No. He from here.

- And he's Spiderman?
- He--he show me the powers of the spider.

I saw--he stick to wall.

- And he lived here in Madripoor?
- Yes.

Okay then, seems one of our Skrulls
found a dumb girl to shack up with.

Girl doesn't seem to have any problem with the
fact that Spider-Man famously lives in New York.

Or maybe that Skrull who attacked me really deluded
himself into thinking he was actually Spider-Man.

These shape-shifters. Who knows how
they hold on to an actual identity.

You do not believe me. But he
told me there would be trouble.

He told me people would come for him
if they find out who he really was.

- He give me money in case--
- Money?

In case something happened.

To leave here.

How much money?

A lot of money.

Did your boyfried have
any friends he met with?

Anyone else I could talk to?

He met with--men. I did not know them.

He told me it was secret.

Do you know where they would meet?

- Yes. One place. I think so.
- Is it around here?

It's in the 14th district.

It's a bar.

It's always a bar.

Do you think someone hurt him?

I don't know. Thank you.

What should I do with the money?

Keep them. Buy yourself something nice.

But, uh, don't leave town.

Where would I go?

I swear, I wish I was cute and dumb.

Just for a day.

Well, damn, there's a Skrull in there.

AGENT OF S.W.O.R.D.
EPISODE 5

Please be my Skrull. Please be my Skrull.
Please be my Skrull.

I thought that showing up
looking like me would do it.

Just looking like their Skrull
queen imitating me would get..

..one of these yokels to stand up
or run or bow or something.

But nothing.

There's absolutely a Skrull in here.

Could be anyone.

My heart is about to explode out of my
chest, but I'm not going to do anything.

I'm going to stand here. Blank-faced.
I'm going to let him reveal himself.

Come on, I'm the image of your Skrull queen.

I'm Jessica Drew. I've k*lled your friend.

I'm the face of your fail. React. Freak out.

Run for the hills.

Okay, that didn't work exactly.

Let's try...

Koru Kaviti!!

You are under arrest!

Hey.. Okay.. So..

It's completely your call how this goes.

Okay, now we've got
ourselves a party.

I know you're thinking: Okay, Spider-Woman
versus the big, giant Super-Skrull

This'll be fun.

We saw her do this before. We know she's
about to beat the holy hell out of this guy.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but
the last Skrull I went up against..

..had been tortured by
professional torturers.

It had been starved and beaten.

Yeah, now would be the time to leave people.

That Skrull was out of it and..

..still took everything
I had to beat it.

This guy--this guy is military.

Trained. Ready to go.

Fired up. And a little drunk.

Let's not forget the drunk.

I think the deciding factor on just how
badly I'm about to get my a*s kicked..

..all depends on just how drunk he is.

Oh, man...

You k*lled my brothers in arms!

You did!

May your gods abandon you as mine have me!

May you feel what this hell is like!

I'm not being defeatist. I'm being realistic.

He just got the goods on me. I don't
know what I was thinking coming here.

You have no idea the hell we've been through!

Sorry!

I can't muster the sympathy!

Seems the hell I'm in
has a lot to do with you!

All the training in the world
only gets you so much.

And I don't have unlimited venom juice!

Damn!

Don't know how much longer
I can do this little dance.

You blame who? Me?

Die!

She blames me for this?

Do you want to know why our
queen chose your form?

Do you want to know why she
knew she could replace you?

You know what?

I actually would like to know!

It's kind of why I came
all the way out here!

It's..why..I'm..here..

I should run--I should--

The reason, we knew you could
be switched for one of us..

..is that of all people in the world,
we discovered..

..that no one on this entire planet..

..cares enough about you..

to notice you at all.

And of all the things that
went wrong with our invasion..

..that was the one thing we
were absolutely right about.

Well, it looks like you were
wrong about everything then.

Yazoo.

They're Skrulls.
They're all Skrulls.

Not the Avengers.
Not Wolverine or Ms. Marvel.

Skrulls! And they're here to
do their final number on me.

Okay, okay, I'm crazy! Sure!
But I have every right to be!

Tell me why I shouldn't be crazy.

And my Skrull detecting watch tells me nothing
because there's a big Skrull right in front of me.

A big Skrull Warrior who--

Runs away?

Uh, was that the plan?

The plan was for him to lay down
with his hands over his head.

Yeah, didn't go that way, did it?

Fan out!

- Jessica?
- No!

Whoa, whoa, Jessica!
It's okay. It's me.

- It's Carol.
- No!

What's--Hey! What's wrong with you?

Not a Skrull. It's her.

It's Carol.

She used to be my best friend.
Before all this.

Before.

Hey. It's me.

We heard about the Thunderbolts thing.
We figured you were in trouble.

- We came to help.
- How did you hear?

Honey, it made CNN.

We got here as fast as we could.

Don't--I can do it.

What is this? What are you
doing all the way out here?

Are you Skrull hunting?

Damn right I am.

And you couldn't call me?

You don't think I want to Skrull hunt too?

I--This is--I've got to do this myself.

When I was as down and out as anyone ever..

Who helped me?

- Yeah, I know.
- You don't think I'd do the same for you?

- I know.
- In a second.

I know!

- You don't.
- I do now.

Yes, you do.

How the hell we supposed
to find him now?!?

He's right. Could be anyone in the crowd.

- Is that a..
- Yes.

Where'd you get it?

Santa.

Can he get me one too?

Please everyone!

Guys,

I'm having a hard time
tracking in all this.

If any of you are Skrulls,
please raise your hand!

Thank you!

Please step back and let us
do what we came here to do.

Move!

Uh, guys..

Walk away from here or
I will k*ll all these humans.

Actually, I've got a better idea.

Got you! You son of a b*tch!

We take care of our own.

Die!

Okay. They're not Skrulls.

- Who you working for now?
- Agent Brand.

- Yeah?
- You know her?

- I do.
- Something to do.

Sure. But going hunting like this?
It's a nowhere road.

- I would'a had it.
- No doubt.

- But you went there to get a beating.
- No.

Took me a long time to learn this:

There's nothing wrong with going
out and doing what you gotta do.

Nothing at all.

But when you're lost, you come home.

You don't run away.

I--I don't know who--I don't know
who my friends are exactly..Anymore.

Look around. You do now.

Hey..I know you're feeling screwed over.
I get that.

But I promise you, I'm still the most screwed
over person in the history of the universe.

Mission Accomplished! What else you got?

I got dire wraiths, I got spaceknights. I got a
microverse outbreak, I got a symbiote cult..

What are you in the mood for?