02x03 - Hazelnut's Finest/Cat Scan

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about, what's her name

-Pepper Ann
-Pepper Ann

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann

BOY: Who?

GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

-BOY 2: No, that's me.
-GIRL 2: Ew.

GIRL 3: Who is she?
And why does she have her own song?

-BOY 3: Did someone take my lunch?
-[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!
She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann

Oh, a glowing green stick!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]

[REEL WHIRRING]

With all bolts in place,

this little squirt is ready to go.
[LAUGHS]

-MR. FINKY: That was my Uncle Pat.
-[GROANS]

The dopest hombre I've ever known.
You know homeskins?

My uncle provided a small service
which helped the whole community.

He taught me that everyone adds
something important to the big picture.

[STUTTERS] Oh! Like each,
little Viennese boy is important

to the whole Vienna Boys Choir?

Uh... Yes.

Now your assignment is to scamper up
your family tree,

and film one of your posse at work
to show how they contribute.

As you can see, my uncle's job?
Oh well, very important.

You mean, im-bore-tant?

[LAUGHS, EXHALES, GRUNTS]

I'm going to videotape my cousin Nora,
a percussionist for the Hazelnut Symphony.

If you can't appreciate the pointed plink
of a glockenspiel,

you're lost on a lonely sea.

I'm going to film my Aunt Kathy,
a pit crew woman for a race car team.

The smell of the grease!
The roar of the engines!

Praise ye, oh plugs, so lovingly dubbed
"spark."

I guess those jobs are nice
if you like peeking

behind the curtain of life.

Whose job are you filming
that's so notable?

The city is Hazelnut.

-The naked city.
-[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Crime and corruption run rampant.

One man keeps this den of decadence
in tow. He's my uncle. His name's JoJo.

-He's a cop.
-POLICE: [OVER RADIO] Robbery in progress.

Downtown. Suspects approaching
with stolen goods. Over.

-[ROBBER LAUGHS]
-Good thing you're in the back.

This could get dangerous. Hold on!

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[JOJO GRUNTS]

OFFICER: [OVER RADIO] Seven-two-nine
in progress on Third and Elm. Over.

OFFICER: [OVER RADIO]
One eighty-four on Fourth and Elm. Over.

JOJO: I got it!

-[THIEF GROANS]
-[GRUNTS]

-[GRUNTS]
-[THIEF GRUNTS]

OFFICER: [OVER RADIO] Mutilator Zorgons
have entered the earth's atmosphere,

hungry for human skin! Over.

I'll need some help out there.

Let's go!

[POLICE SIREN BLARING]

-[KETTLE WHISTLES]
-[SNORES]

-[YAWNS]
-[GRUNTS]

Peppie, you're scaring me again.

Easy, sister.
You're messing with the heat!

Girls. No heat.

-[CAR HORN HONKING]
-[SCOFFS]

Eh, Pepper Ann, uh,
why are you sitting in the trunk?

PEPPER ANN:
I'm protected from danger this way.

Danger. [LAUGHS, CHOMPS]

Here, have a dough-not. Mm.

Whole wheat with a carob glaze.
Good and good for ya!

Thanks. So, what exciting feats
of policedom do we tackle first?

OFFICER: [OVER RADIO]
Dry cleaners downtown

requires immediate assistance. Over.

Oh! Hold on!

Here we go!

JoJo! I'm so glad you're here!

-What happened? Where are the robbers?
-[LAUGHS] Robbers.

No, Debby doesn't believe in clocks,
so she doesn't open the store

until I come by and wave. Oh,
would you look at how perfectly starched

-these shirts are?
-Mm. Crisp.

[AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING]

-[WOMAN SCREAMING]
-Oh, no! A possible seven-two-niner!

[CHUCKLES] All right! A seven-two-niner!

[MEOWS]

-Mm. Oh, thank you...
-[CAT MEOWS]

...for saving Mr. Tiffy, JoJo.
I owe you a soy cheese pizza.

[CHUCKLES] You're welcome, Mr. Innocenzi!

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Eccellente!

JOJO: Okay, up a little, up... whoa, oh.
Back a little more... Ba... No, no, no.

Up a scoosch... Cut it, cut it.
Whoa, whoa. Up a little more.

Oh! [GROANS] No, that's my foot.
Back it up quickly, please.

Two tofu dogs with turkey chili,
air fries, and two organic bean colas!

-Hmm.
-Aren't we doing anything exciting today?

[CHUCKLES] You bet!

We get to go back to the station
and fill out these reports.

And... [CLEARS THROAT] ...Peppie,
don't tell the fellas,

but I'll even let you use
my new self-inking stamp!

-Oh. [SIGHS]
-Diggity! Get in here!

Finally some action! [CHUCKLES]

-Isn't this eavesdropping?
-No, it's human drama.

Will you look at this report?

You're getting sloppy!
You're flying off the handle!

I'm sick and tired of defending
your screwball antics

to the commissioner!

Now, I've got three days to retirement,
and I don't want anything

-to screw it up for me!
-[LAUGHS] You got that.

Oh, by the way, how are your kids?

Great! Kyle's riding a two-wheeler,
and Maggie's as cute as a button!

PEPPER ANN: [GROANS] Oh!

Oh, hey, you wanna stop
and get a Rice Cream Sundae?

[EXHALES] No, thanks.

Pepper Ann... [CLEARS THROAT]
...is something troubling ya?

Didn't you like your day
with the Hazelnut Blue?

Just don't say anything.
You'll only hurt his feelings.

I thought your job was going to be more,
you know, exciting and meaningful.

Policemen on TV affect people's lives.

What you did today seemed so unimportant.

[SCOFFS] Why do I even bother?

[CHUCKLES] Peppie, ya see,
every machine has many parts.

Well, if one cog or screw is missing,
well, the whole machine goes kablooey.

I'm a very important cog
in the Hazelnut machine.

Mm-hmm. That's it. Work it.

Thanks to your emergency room skills.
I'm going to live!

I'll never forget you, Doc Liederhosen!

[GROANS]

[DOOR KNOCKING]

Peppie, I laid awake all night thinking
about what you said, and you're right.

I need to be somewhere
where I can make a difference.

So, I'm transferring to Reno where I'll go
undercover to stop gambling!

[CHUCKLES]
Well, ill*gal gambling, that is.

What... what...
what about Aunt Janie and Ned?

Oh, I'll send for them
after I get settled.

You know, you've changed my life
for the better, Pepper Ann. Thanks!

[DOOR CLOSES]

So, JoJo hopped the midnight train
to Reno?

-I just can't believe it.
-I couldn't believe it either at first,

but then I realized he was really wasting
his talents here.

If you were with me yesterday,
you would know what I mean.

It was the worst.

First, we waved to a woman
in a dry cleaning store...

[CHUCKLES, SCOFFS]
I guess it isn't time to open the store.

I haven't seen Jojo.
Oh, good, there's that Blackjack.

-FEMALE CUSTOMER: Come on! Open up!
-MALE CUSTOMER: I need my pants!

Just when I thought
it couldn't be more of a yawn-fest,

-we helped get Mr. Tiffy out of a tree.
-[SNORES]

PEPPER ANN: Finally, we helped
an old man park for a million years.

[LAUGHS] Mm.

[FIRE ENGINE SIREN BLARING]

Sure my film will be the most boring
in the whole class,

but it's a small price to pay
for JoJo's happiness.

[METAL CLATTERING]

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-[FIRE ALARM RINGING]

What's happening?

-Don't you see?
-[GASPS]

With JoJo gone,
there is no sense of law and order.

The town has gone mad.
Thanks to you.

But it wasn't my fault!
I was helping. I... I...

How could you do this to us? How?

-But he was wasting his talents and...
-Where is the chief of polizia?

I haven't walked the beat in 20 years!
What do I wear? What do I say?

I'm retiring in three days!
Where's Diggity? [CRIES]

-Ooh! Free clogs!
-You can't do that!

Why not?
There's, like, no one stopping us.

Good going, Pepper Ann!

-Score! [LAUGHS]
-[LAUGHS]

-Hello!
-Good day!

-Wait! You guys, what are we gonna do?
-[CAR ALARM BLARING]

-Guys? Guys!
-If you can't beat 'em...

I feel like the surly and unwashed
Madame Defarge!

[IN FRENCH] Vive la révolution!

Mobs rule!

[CROWD CLAMORING]

-[GASPS]
-[GROUND RUMBLING]

Huh?

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

[GASPS, SCREAMS]

What did you do?

Now JoJo's gone,
and he's never coming back!

The lawlessness and concentrated
natural disasters in Hazelnut

have thrown off the earth's orbit.

We are being sucked
into a giant worm hole!

[CLAMORING CONTINUES]

Come back, Uncle JoJo!

[GASPS, PANTS]

[INHALES] Yes!

Thank Fuzzy you're here!
I'm a fool. You are a needed cog!

I've learned my lesson.
The machine needs cogs!

Peppie, honey, it's 3:00 a.m.

[GASPS] I just want you to know
that you have an exciting, meaningful job

which affects people's lives
and is extremely important.

-And don't ever go to Reno. You hear me?
-Oh, okay.

-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Here, he tells Abe to cut the wheel hard.

Now, back up gently. And he's parked!

There he is, folks. My Uncle JoJo,

a vital part of our community,
our town, our world!

-[SNORES]
-[SNORES]

-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-You haven't even started

the science homework?
Milo, it's 12 pages long. I just finished.

It took so long,
I didn't even get a chance

to break in my brand-new Air Fuzzies.

-[GASPS] Steve!
-[PURRS]

MILO: No, this is Milo... Kamalani?

Milo? I gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vidiots after school tomorrow.

Peppie, you've got to renew
Steve's cat license after school tomorrow.

No more procrastinating.

-Mom, Steve just mutilated...
-Pepper Ann!

Steve is your cat,
and that makes him your responsibility.

You can't have him traipsing around
with an expired license like some hobo.

-But I...
-And for heaven's sake,

give Steve his dinner before he starves.

[BURPS]

Steve!
Sometimes I wish I never even had a cat.

[PURRS]

Steve!

Steve?

I could have been whiling away
the afternoon at Vidiots, but no.

I spent three hours

in the license renewal line
for you, buddy.

Any other cat would come running
to thank me, but not Steve.

Apparently, Steve has somewhere
better to be...

Peppie, I thought you were afraid
of heights.

-La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
-[GULPS] Steve?

Bu... bu... bu... bup.
You can't go in there, he's very busy!

-[SNORES, GASPS]
-I'm... I'm sorry, sir,

-she just walked...
-Supermodel Mindy here,

with a short list of demands.

Okay. "Things to ask Larry."
[CHUCKLES] That's you!

Okay. "One, more money.
Two, fresh floors..."

I mean, "flowers in my dressing room.
Four..."

Mindy baby, we would love
to help you out,

but believe me,
it just isn't in our budget.

Don't you throw your fancy words at me.

Look it, without me picking
the lotto numbers,

no one would watch
your dumb, old "news show."

Either you double my celery,
or I am out of hair. Here!

[GRUNTS] You'll be sorry.
My fans will be not very happy.

You'll never find a replacement!
[GASPS] Ah!

-Find the replacement.
-Done.

-No, no. Dogs have unions.
-[PANTS]

We need a star. Someone

-to revolutionize the lottery business...
-[BARKS]

...for little or no money. We need...
we need that.

-A cat?
-Not just any cat, Lotto Cat!

-[MEOWS]
-Steve?

I just keep envisioning some little girl
wandering the streets calling for her pet.

-Are you sure we can just take him?
-Of course, we can.

What kind of owner would let her cat
traipse around with an expired license

like some hobo?

-Welcome to your new home, kitty!
-[PURRS]

-[MEOWS]
-He doesn't have worms, does he?

-He's had a full physical, sir.
-[CHUCKLES] Welcome!

Is that a personality or what?
The people are gonna eat this fur ball up.

The new face of the Tri-Nut Lotto will be

-"Steve the Cat."
-[LINE RINGING]

MALE VOICE:
Hello, and welcome to Cat Finders.

If you know the name of the cat
you'd like to find, press one.

For a list of lost cats in your area,
press two...

Mom! [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Hi. Uh...

You didn't happen to see Steve
on your way in, did you?

'Cause, I got his license renewed,
but I haven't exactly...

-Peppie can't find Steve.
-That's not true! He's just...

If I know Steve the Cat, there's one thing
that always brings him running.

Kitty Yum Yum's Flounder Parts Fiesta,
of course!

-Oh, Steve.
-[BLENDER WHIRRING]

Where could he be?

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[STEVE MEOWS]

What do you want? Dinner? [CHUCKLES]
Oh, maybe your freedom, huh?

[LAUGHS] Too bad your lazy owner
didn't renew your cat license on time,

or you'd have both those things! [LAUGHS]
Poor kitty!

Hey, Peppie. Peppie. Peppie. Look out.

Poor Steve.

-[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-FEMALE VOICE: Oh, yes!

MALE VOICE: What a handsome kitty!

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

[EXHALES] Me-ow!
I guess I can be replaced. [LAUGHS]

Oh, Lotto Cat! [INHALES]

This just in,
"A nuclear silo has exploded,

"unleashing deadly radiation
over our..." [GASPS]

-[SNARLS]
-[AUDIENCE GASPS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I love you, Lotto Cat!

[SNORES]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

-[MEOWS]
-[TRAIN HORN HONKING]

-[TRAIN ENGINE WHIRRING]
-[PANTS, GASPS]

What have I done?

Hey. Don't worry so much.
He's only been gone a few hours.

Just get a glass of warm Chillade
and go back to sleep.

-But what if he doesn't come back?
-Have some patience.

Mom and Moose aren't worrying,
and neither should you.

-Steve?
-Steve?

He's never coming back.

Oh, Peppie, everything will be fine.
He wouldn't just up and leave.

Ever since we got Steve to help you
with your jealousy issues when Moose

was born, you and that darn cat
have been inseparable.

Yeah, it's not like you told him
you wished you never had a cat.

-That's it.
-[GASPS]

We are going out there, and we...

-[GASPS, GRUNTS]
-...are going to find him.

I can't bear to think of that poor cat
braving the cold nights alone and unloved.

[LAUGHS] Bingo! Listen to this!

"Channel 96 picks
a winner with Lotto Cat!"

[PURRS]

The preliminary ratings are in, sir.

Lotto Cat beat out all seven news shows
and Goodnight Gordy.

-[MEOWS]
-[GASPS] You're a goldmine, Steve!

I will never let you out of my sight.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Steve.

PEPPER ANN: I'd like to thank you all
for participating

in Operation Come Home To Momma.

[ROUSING MUSIC PLAYING]

The facts are, Steve the Cat
has been missing

for approximately

I have devised a detailed plan
which will enable us

to cover the most amount of ground
in the least amount of time.

Look, it all boils down to this.

If I have to search every alley,
every tree, every litter box in Hazelnut,

I will find my cat.
And that's a promise.

What do you say? Are you with me?

[SNORES, GROANS]
Must you be so violent, Nicky?

-[AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS]
-[BEEPS]

NED: Hmm.

[CLEARING THROAT]

AUNT JANIE: Here, take a ribbon.

Help us find Steve the Cat.

-[PHONE RINGS]
-[GASPS] Cat-line.

Do you have any information
about Steve the Cat's whereabouts?

MILO: No. But will you get me
a Chillade from the kitchen?

-Oh, Milo!
-You're closer.

Eyes are open,
and hearts are overflowing

as the community unites to help
a local girl find her lost cat.

Good luck. We're all pulling for you.
And now, the moment

-we've all been waiting for! Lotto Cat!
-[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Right after these messages.

What's the word on the streets?

-Any phone calls?
-Oh, yeah. First Internut Bank called.

If your Mom doesn't send 3,150 by Friday,
they'll cancel her credit cards.

I'm sorry, Pepper Ann.
No one has found Steve the Cat.

-[CRIES]
-Peppie, you've done all you can.

Why don't you go to Vidiots,
and try to take your mind off of things?

Meow, meow, Vidiots.
Meow, meow, Peppie. Meow.

Take my mind off the fact
that Steve the Cat

is out there all alone?

He's my cat, and that makes him
my responsibility. I can't go to Vidiots!

I can't go anywhere until Steve
is safely back in my arms.

I can't believe you're gone,
after all the fun we've had.

[GROANS]

-[BABY COOS]
-[GRUNTS]

-Oh! [CHUCKLES]
-[PURRS]

[SNORES]

-[MEOWS, PURRS]
-Mm. [SCREAMS]

[PURRS MEOWS]

-[SNARLS]
-[GASPS, GROANS]

You're the best cat in the world.

If you'd just come home, I promise
I'll never take you for granted again.

[SNIFFLES, INHALES] Where are you?

Change the channel? Don't you dare
Lotto Cat, Lotto Cat

You can make me a millionaire
You're my Lotto Cat

You're my lucky charm with a furry arm
A truck for Pa, and a hip for Ma

And the bank won't get the farm Meow!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING]

[GASPING]

[GASPS] Our ba*ls! [MUTTERS, GRUNTS]

-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING]
-[GROANS]

Oh!

How can we ever find someone
to replace Steve the Cat?

-That fur, messy... [GRUNTS]
-[WHISTLES]

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

Goodbye, Steve.
Enjoy your new life, wherever you are.

-[PURRS]
-[GASPS] Steve!

-[PANTS] I missed you so much.
-[GASPS] Oh, Peppie! You found him!

He was in the backyard the whole time!

I'm sorry to report that Lotto Cat
is no longer with us.

-And now, get ready for Lotto Liebshin!
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Change the channel Don't you dare
Lotto Liebshin Lotto Liebshin

You can make me a millionaire
You're my Lotto Liebshin

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]