03x16 - Stick to It/U.S. Acres: Orson in Wonderland/For Cats Only

[bunniefuu]

Announcer:

Announcer: Ladies

Announcer: Ladies and

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen,

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Garfield

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Garfield and

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Garfield and Friends.

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Garfield [upbeat music]

♪ We're ♪

♪ We're ♪

♪ Ready ♪

♪ Ready ♪

♪ To ♪

♪ To ♪

♪ Party ♪

♪ We're ready to party ♪

♪ We're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring
lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in come to the
place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party
with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Dancing ♪

♪ Fiesta ♪

♪ Romancing ♪

♪ Siesta ♪

♪ Samba ♪

♪ La bamba ♪

♪ Ay caramba ♪

♪ Disguises ♪

♪ Disguises ♪

♪ Surprises ♪

♪ Surprises ♪

♪ And pies of ♪

♪ And pies of all sizes ♪

♪ Come on in come to the
place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party
with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party
with Garfield and friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends ♪

- [Garfield] It doesn't start
'til the fat lady screams.

[lively music]

- Hey Odie, how 'bout if
we put on a show for John?

- Yeah, yeah.

[upbeat music]

[pie squishing]

[lively music]

[snoring]

[chaotic rumbling]

- What did I do?

[lively music]

[bright music]

- Okay, Garfield, I
think it's time you

started sharing some of
the work around here.

Now, I've made up a list here

of the chores I'm assigning you.

You can do them in
any order you like.

- Let's see, take out
trash, mow backyard,

clean up garage,
wash kitchen floor.

Fine

[Garfield snoring]

- Gee, I don't recall putting
sleep all day on the list.

- Is it my fault you
forgot the important stuff?

- Why do I even try?

[breathing heavily]

- I thought I heard doggy drool.

I'm sorry but nowhere
on this list does it say

throw the stick so
dummy dog can fetch it.

[Odie mumbling]

[exclaiming sadly]

Okay so it wouldn't hurt
me to throw the stick once.

Alright, Odie.

[deeply breathing]

Okay pup, I'm only
doing this once

so I'm giving you
everything I've got.

[hand swishing]

[dog barking]

If you don't have
a brain, it doesn't

take much to make you happy.

[lively music]

[dog barking]

[lively music]

[dog barking]

[closing gate slamming]

[exclaiming sadly]

[breathing heavily]

- Be with you in a second Pete.

I gotta put these
empty bottles in the

washer so they can get refilled.

[slow music]

[dog barking]

[water splashing]

[gargling water]

[funny music]

[sudden hiccups]

[robot arm squeaking]

[Odie smashing]

[funny music]

[bottles bumping]

[funny music]

[legs swooshing]

This is the last of
it, see you tomorrow.

[funny music]

[train moving noise]

[dog barking]

[breathing heavily]

[train whistling]

[screaming loudly]

[train honking]

[wheezing breath]

- Hey fella, where
did you come from?

[wheezing breath]

You look thirsty.

Here, have a little milk boy.

[exclaiming happily]

Hey how that stick get in there.

Sorry about that.

[exclaiming worriedly]

[screaming in pain]

[water splashing]

[lively music]

[bright music]

[growling angrily]

[sad music]

[exclaiming sadly]

[breathing heavily]

[licking slowly]

[lively music]

- I'll throw the stick
and I'll fetch it at home.

Where have you been...

No I don't even wanna know.

But I do know you
weren't fetching

the stick all that time.

Where is the stick?

[exclaiming confusedly]

All that time and you
didn't even fetch the stick?

Boy and they call me lazy.

[Garfield snoring]

[upbeat music]

- Well, if it isn't Lanolin
the walking lint bag.

- Get lost rooster.

[door slamming]

- Gee, that looks
like Roy's beak.

- It is my beak you idiot.

Now get me outta here.

[door slamming]

- Roy! Roy are you out here?

Must be some kind of a joke.

[door smashing]

- And the cruel one at that.

[lively music]

- Hey Orson, like you're
in real trouble dude.

Your ball has rolled up
right next to my sister's.

- But you wouldn't croquet
my ball, would you?

- And why not?

That's the name
of this game, pig.

- Lanolin about to cream
Orson in croquet again.

Look at her go!

[screaming happily]

- [laughing] Watch
this championship move.

[ball swooshing]

- Oh no, my ball just
broke the sound barrier.

- It's at mach 2.5, I'd say.

- Go on Orson, we'll wait
for you to find your ball.

Just be sure to send up a
flare when you take your turn.

- Better yet, send
us a telegram man.

That ball is heading
for the next timezone.

- I know I can find
my ball if I follow

the course of the
irrigation ditch.

Still I'm in for a long
walk so I'll take a book

to read along the way
just in case I get bored.

Alice in Wonderland.

Oh dear oh dear,
I shall be late.

Alice had never before seen
a white rabbit with either

a waist coat pocket or a
watch to take out of it.

She ran across
the field after it

and was just in time to see it
pop down a large rabbit hole.

Alice thought she
had never seen such

a curious croquet
ground in all her life.

Speaking of which,
there's my ball.

Now I'll never be able to
hit it back in one shot.

I'm all worn out from the walk.

I think I'll just rest
here for a few minutes.

- Oh dear oh dear,
I shall be too late.

And then boy, am I gonna be
in trouble, so much trouble.

Talk about late,
I am late, am I.

- [laughs] I thought I just saw

Wade dressed in a Rabbit suit.

Wade, in a rabbit suit?

Hey Wade, how come you're
dressed up like that.

Wait up!

Of all the peculiar things.

Maybe it wasn't Wade after all.

I'm sure I saw him though.

Now I'm gonna find out for sure.

Wade are you in here?

If you are, where are you?

[screaming scarily]

This rabbit hole is lined with

cupboards just like in the book.

I must be having a dream.

But I don't remember
falling asleep.

Well I'm here, whatever here is.

Wade must have gone this way.

Wow, these vegetables
are enormous.

I bet our farmer
would love to know

the secret of growing
them like this.

[animals laughing]

Roy, Booker, Sheldon,
am I glad to see you.

- Are you addressing me sir,
the Mad Rooster. [laughs]

- I'm the March egg
and he's the dorchick.

We're having a tea party.

[snoring loudly]

- I should have guessed.

Did you guys see Wade go
by here in a rabbit suit?

- [laughs] What an absurd image.

Wade duck in a
rabbit suit? [laughs]

- [laughs] Not as
absurd as the idea

of Wade duck in a chicken suit.

[Roy and Sheldon laughing]

- Wade duck in a cow suit.

- As a matter of
fact, I think he was

on his way to the
queen's croquet game.

- Of course, he was worried
about being late for it.

Can you tell me which
way the croquet field is?

- We'll do better than that.

- Since we've been
invited to play,

you can tag along with us.

- Wake up Dorchick.

- Here let me help.

- There's so much
noise around here.

How's a fella suppose
to get any sleep.

- Off with their heads!

- Like who do you mean sis?

- Who cares, off with
somebody's heads, I say.

- Off with their heads.

- But I haven't done anything.

- Relax Sparko, you will.

- Off with their heads.

- You better do what she says.

She's the queen you know.

Boy am I glad to be on time.

I need a new battery
for this thing.

- Now I get it, she means off
with these heads of lettuce.

- Okay pig, I'm challenging
you to a game of croquet.

- Sorry but I left
my mallet behind.

- Here we've got plenty
of mallets to go around.

- You play croquet with lettuce

and cabbage and use
carrots as mallets?

- What's the matter?

Don't you like vegetables?

- A piece of advice, the
queen is a very bad loser.

- How bad?

- He got three in a
row in tik tac toe.

- That's bad.

- Okay pig, it's your turn.

[thrilling music]

[triumphant music]

You, you, off with his head.

- You better take it on
the lamb and scram pig.

This time the royal
sis means biz.

[exclaiming scarily]

- After him everybody,
off with his head.

[rock music]

[water splashing]

[bright music]

- What, I was dreaming...

Better pick my turn.

But I'll never be able to
hit the ball back there.

Wait a minute, I think I know

how I can win this
game after all.

All I have to do
is hit this wooden

croquet ball into
the irrigation ditch.

[water splashing]

And now, I'll take
a shortcut back

to the field via the tool shed.

Hope I can make it in time.

[honking and banging]

- Here comes Orson.

- Okay that means it's my turn.

- You're not so fast,
my turn isn't over yet.

My ball should get
here any minute.

[shoveling loudly]

- Why is Orson remodeling
the irrigation ditch now?

- Beats me.

[water splashing]

[wood bumping]

- Goal, I win!

- What!

- Orson you won.

- That was a real
last ditch effort.

- That was the most
difficult trick in the world.

- No, here comes the most
difficult trick in the world.

[water splashing]

Getting away from Lanolin.

- Come back here you croquet
crook you crummy lousy cheek.

You old foul pig.

Get back here.
[Orson laughing]

[upbeat music]

[bright music]

- [Host] You are
watching channel K-A-T,

the first TV
network in the world

programmed especially for cats.

Chef Fluffy's Cooking With Mice,

normally seen at
this time will not be

presented today so
that we may bring you

the following special program.

Welcome to For Cats Only.

Covering the vital issues of
the day for felines everywhere.

And now, here is
your host, Garfield.

- Good morning.

Before we begin, I'd
like to remind you

that this show's for cats only.

So if you're not a cat,
you shouldn't be watching.

I'll wait while all human beings

and other nine cats
leave the room.

[gentle music]

Only cats left?

Okay let's begin.

I'm pleased to report
that our plan has been

even more successful than
any of us had dreamed.

It was many years ago
that the first cats came

to this world from my
home planet of Felinus.

We were looking for
a world where beings

would wait on us hand and foot.

And when we saw that kind
of creatures that inhabited

this planet, we knew we'd
found the perfect world.

- These creatures will serve us.

They will feed and house us.

- They do look dumb
enough to do that.

- But if we conquer them,
will they really serve us?

- That's the beauty of my plan.

We will not conquer them.

We will make them think
that we are their pets.

- The lead cat's plan
was shear brilliance.

The first step was to make the

humans think they
were adapting us.

- What's this animal?

- Our leader
deviced a routine to

make us appear
adorable and furry.

It was tremendously
embarrassing.

But it was terribly effective.

- What a cute adorable animal.

- The humans played
right into our trap.

- I'll have to take you
right home and feed you.

- Mission accomplished.

A human has taken the bait.

- Within days, every
member of the invasion

squadron had captured
a human being.

Each of them was
taken to a warm home

where the cat, as they
called us, was fed.

[licking loudly]

Occasionally, the humans would
get upset at waiting at us.

That was when we cats
would have to whip out

our galactic hypnosis
rhythm transmitters.

The sound, as you all know,
has a calming effect on humans.

- Oh the cute kitty is purring.

[gentle music]
[cat purring]

- And that's how we
enslaved the human race.

But not everyone liked this.

The humans former
pets, the dogs,

didn't like being replaced.

This was way back
when dog were smart.

Yes, I know it's
difficult to believe

but dogs used to be intelligent.

[audience chattering]

- [Audience] You are wrong.

- Yes this one in particular.

He was determined to drive
us back to our home planet.

One day when our first
leader snuck off to attend

the weekly felinus
meeting, the dog followed.

[lively trumpet music]

That was how the dog
found our headquarters.

[drums beating]

- [Host] I'm happy to
report that the humans

haven't gotten wise to our plan.

They continue to wait
on us night and day.

- However, we must not
get over confident.

We'll need a new
secret password.

Cadet X71 here will demonstrate
the new password, cadet.

[clearing throat]

[cat meowing]

- That's our new password.

Humans will think it's
some kind of cat call.

Actually, we'll
know it means humans

are dumb, we make
them wait on us.

- Leader my leader, the
canine-ometer reports

the presence of a
dog in our midst.

- A dog, it must be a spy.

Seal all that exits,
catch that dog at once.

[cats shouting angrily]

- In no time at
all, every feline

in the place was after the dog.

The dog was smart
but we were smarter.

[gate smashing]

[cats shouting]

The dog thought he'd
found the means of escape.

He was wrong.

[laser g*n sh**ting]

[rock music]

We had caught the
dog but now we had

the problem of what
to do with him.

- He knows our secret.

- What if he tells the
humans of our plan?

- Dogs like this one
are too smart for us.

So we'll just have to
make them less smart.

- As they played the
intelligence suction ray

over the dog,

our ancestors thought of other

ways to make dogs
less threatening.

- Let's program him so he just
chases his own tail. [laughs]

- Wait, let's program him
so he'll bury something

really silly in the
backyard all day

like...shoes!
- Yeah.

Oh no, bones.

- Bones, that's great.

- Yeah.

- Chasing his own tail,
burying bones in the backyard.

How about if we have
him stick his head

out a car window
and wave his tongue.

- They programmed all
of that into the dog.

[dog exclaiming]

[breathing heavily]

[dog growling]

[cats laughing]

- That's great.
- Yeah.

- What if he told the
other dogs our secret.

- We can't take that chance.

We'll send out
rays, it will make

every dog in the
world like this one.

- And so the first
colonists use their

superior technology
to send the dog head

draining rays to all
corners of this planet.

Dogs which formerly
had been intelligent

enough to pose a
threat to our plan,

became the dumb creatures
that they all are today.

No one told the humans
what we were up to.

And I'm happy to say
that my now waits on me,

brings me food and allows
me to sleep all day.

And we have nothing to worry
about from the dog in my home.

In short, the plan has
been a complete success.

And though the humans don't
know it, we rule this world.

Well, I wanna thank you all
for your attention today.

And for not allowing any human
beings to watch the show.

- Cats are actually
from another planet

and they conquered us
so we'll wait on them.

- Hey he heard our secret.

- I'm afraid we're going
to have to drain his brain.

- Drain his brain, on a human?

How are we gonna do that?

- Oh we'll make him watch
professional wrestling

or better still, roller derby.

- How about professional hockey.

- Or bowling. [laughs]

- [laughs] Soap operas, we'll
make him watch soap operas.

- No no that will
drain too much.

- Oh you're right, sitcoms.

- Golf.

- Oh golf is good.

- Yup.
- Potato channel.

[upbeat music]