03x13 - D.J. Jon/U.S. Acres: Cornfinger/Five Minute Warning

[bunniefuu]

Announcer:

Announcer: Ladies

Announcer: Ladies and

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
Garfield

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
Garfield and

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
Garfield and Friends!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
Garfield and Fr♪♪nds!

We're...

We're...

ready...

ready...

to...

to...

party!

♪ We're ready to party,
we're ready, yo! ♪

-[Garfield] ♪ I hope you
bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in, come to the
place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in,
it's time to party ♪

♪ With Garfield and Friends ♪

Dancing...

Fiesta...

Romancing...

Siesta...

Samba...

La bamba...

Ay caramba!

Disguises...

Disguises...

Surprises...

Surprises...

And pies of...

And pies of...

all sizes!

♪ Come on in,
come to the place ♪

♪ Where fun never
ends, you bet! ♪

♪ Come on in,
it's time to party ♪

♪ With Garfield and Friends! ♪

♪ Come on in,
it's time to party ♪

♪ With Garfield and Friends! ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends! ♪

[Garfield] I'll be back
right after they sell ya stuff.

♪♪

You've never met
my cousin George, guys.

I think you'll like him.

[woof]

If he serves dinner
on time, I'll like him.

I hope what George does for
a living doesn't bother you.

[Garfield] There's no job
in the world so awful

I'd turn down a free dinner.

What is he, a burglar,
an enemy spy?

He's a disc jockey.

A disc jockey!

No, no! Keep him away from me!

A disc jockey?! Arrgh!

Come on, he's only
a disc jockey.

Help, somebody!
Disc jockey!

Hey! Great to have
you here, cousin!

Thanks for the invite,
George. What's for dinner?

[Garfield] Hey,
that's my question.

Well, in the number-
five position

for the eighth
consecutive week,

we have celery sticks.

Number four, yes,
they're together again

in a glorious duet,

mashed potatoes
and giblet gravy!

Moving up to number three,
and this one's really

climbing the charts,

a personal favorite of
mine, steamed carrots!

Moving up to number two,

we have a real
blast from the past.

Creamed corn!

And at the top of the charts,

number one this week
on our request line,

Swedish meatballs!

Hmm.

And the bread is a
golden oldie. Ptooey!

Boy, George, it must be
exciting being a DJ.

Well, have you ever considered
stepping up to big pay

in the highly paced world
of professional broadcasting?

Me?

Him?

Sure. My station
just made me manager,

so we have an opening
for a new morning man,

and you have
a great voice.

I do?
[chuckles]

[lowers voice]
Ahem. Yes, I do.

[Garfield] Odie, this
could mean big trouble.

[whimpers
agreement]

We interrupt this
Garfield cartoon

to bring you this message.

Every year, dozens of other-
wise worthwhile human beings

take that horrifying
step and become...

disc jockeys!

Here's a normal person
playing a record.

Ahem. Let me play
a record for you.

Now here's that same normal
person after he became...

a disc jockey.

Hey, guys and gals,
gals and guys,

I got stacks and
stacks of red-hot wax

coming down the tracks with
the boss sound of the bop!

Please, don't let
this happen to you.

This has been a
public service message

from the National Institute
for Disc Jockey Prevention.

We now return you to our
regularly scheduled cartoon.

Thank you.

[yawns]

I hope Jon has breakfast ready,

and, while he's at it, lunch.

Something's missing.

Hello?

[echo] Hello?

Oh, no. No food.
Jon's missing.

[rock music playing]

[Garfield] Call the police!

First call someplace
that delivers waffles,

then call the police.

Where could Jon be?

[barking,
whimpering]

[Jon] And that was
Vinny and the Landlords

with their new hit,

"Don't Evict Me
from your Heart."

That's Jon!

Oh, right, he's
no longer a person.

He's now a disc jockey!

This is Jonny the
A comin' at ya

with more solid gold hits
here on K-DUM Radio.

♪ It's K-DUM Radio ♪

♪ Jon Arbuckle! ♪

And now a word about Frump's
Fine Clothing Stores.

Don't worry. He'll be home soon

and we'll get some attention.

[whimpers]

Here he comes, Odie.
Just in time for lunch.

[barks]

Hey, p*ssy cat and
pooch, face front.

Jon the A is on his way.

[Garfield] Uh, lunch.
We'd like lunch.

After a hard day's morn
spinning the hits,

I'd love to relax,
but I'm a guy on the go.

Got platters to play
in the afternoon songfest,

so hang in their,
tigers, and face front.

Your old pal Jonny the
A's only a dial away.

Hey, catch you on
the flip side.

[Garfield] Did I
mention we want lunch?

[whimpers]

[car starts]

Odie, this isn't just
a matter of lunch.

You wanna get
our old Jon back?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

OK, I think I
know what to do.

It won't be pretty, but
it's for his own good.

[Jon] And here's
the Surgeons new hit,

"I Wanna Hold
your Pancreas,"

comin' at ya at 3:14
here on K-DUM Radio.

♪ It's K-DUM Radio ♪

♪ Jon Arbuckle ♪

Hey, Jon, you're beautiful!

No, you're beautiful!

No, you're beautiful!

Hey, Jon, I'd
like you to meet

Mr. Frump of Frump's
Fine Clothing.

Mr. Frump, I've been
reading your commercials.

Well, do a good job, Arbuckle.

I don't want any kidding
around in my commercials.

[Jon] Stick around, I got
one coming up right after

news on the hour.

Odie, this calls for
a really rotten trick.

And I just happen
to have one. Come on.

[woof]

News is just
ending, Jon.

Now, give Mr. Frump's
commercial all you've got.

[Jon] I've got the copy
right here, I'll really sell it.

Jon, you're beautiful.

No, you're--

No, you're beautiful!

Almost time
for your commercial.

Good. I hope he treats it

with the seriousness
it deserves.

[whistles]

Welcome back.
This is Jonny the A

with a word about
Frump's Fine Clothes.

You know, every Frump suit
is made of the finest material

and also has a stuffed
cabbage in every pocket.

People who look
like salmon agree

that every Frump
suit is as handsome

as a homely Gila monster.

When you visit any of
Frump's 11 showrooms,

a well-trained salesman
will make you play hopscotch

and impersonate a chihuahua.

Every Frump suit is

hand-knitted by trained
pigeons to fit you like

a hot-air balloon.

Ooh! Get that clown
off the air!

Uh, yes, sir,
Mr. Frump.

[Garfield] Come on, Odie.
Our work here is done.

[George] You're through being
a disc jockey, Arbuckle.

[deep voice] I'm...

[normal voice] Ahem. I'm
no longer a disc jockey?

I'm no longer a disc jockey.
I'm a person again.

Guys, I forgot to feed
you. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what
came over me.

Let's go out
and get a big meal.

You're beautiful.

No, you're beautiful.

[Odie] No, you're beautiful.

[Garfield] No, you're
beautiful.

[Odie] No, you're beautiful.

[Garfield] And now, just to
shame this station a little,

we bring you
"Screaming with Binky."

Binky's on vacation
in Mexico this week,

so today's scream will be done
by our special guest star,

Wade Duck.

[clears throat]

Hey, kids.

Hey-hey, kids.

[coughs]

Hey...

Not like that, amigo!

Like this.

Heeeeeey, duck!

Yikes!

[Garfield] We'll be right back.

Probably without the duck.


Brrrr! My beak
is chilled.

Nothing like a brisk
fall day, eh, Orson?

Some of the corn would
sure taste good right now.

We could put a few
ears on the stove.

h*-h*! How I love to watch
the butter melt down

in between those plump
golden kernels.

You can't have any until
I finish counting it.

Hi, Orson. Are you done
with the corn inventory yet?

No! I keep counting
and recounting

and each time I come out
with a different number.

Well, it's nothing
to get heated up about.

It's just that we've waited
all year for this harvest!

You think I'm not
looking forward

to having fresh corn, too?

Now, where was I?

Uh, 1,311,
I believe it was.

Or maybe 12.

No, it's 1,513.

And that's three less
than I counted last time,

and seven less than
the last two times.

Hey, it's no
big crime

if you're off by
only that much.

What's an ear
between friends?

We have to know exactly.

OK, everybody
out of here.

Can we not be of help?

I want peace and quiet

while I try to figure
out my mistake!

How could I be a total
of 10 ears off?

Roy's right,
it's no big crime,

but how did it happen?

♪ You're always
undercover ♪

♪ There's no one
you can trust ♪

♪ When you're the world's
best secret spy ♪

♪ Danger is a must ♪

♪ Around every corner ♪

♪ Something dreadful
may await ♪

♪ I've got feelings there's
danger lying ahead ♪

♪ But is it trouble
or something you ate? ♪

♪ You always
have to work alone ♪

♪ When you're a fearless spy ♪

♪ There's just you ♪

♪ Your trench coat ♪

♪ And your .357 Magnum... ♪

♪ Cream pie... ♪

[ship horn blows]

[W] I say, Double-Oh-Orson,

first it was the Corn
Bank of Switzerland,

then the Corn Bank
of New York.

I say, Double-Oh-Orson,
the Corn Bank of England

needs your services.

Everyone needs my services, W.

England's entire crop
of corn is in this bank.

Indeed, W, there's
no reason to think

that the as-yet unknown
criminal mastermind

behind the other foul
robberies will be unable

to resist the temptation
of the hemisphere's

largest corn bank.

Aha, you've just
said a mouthful.

And you must find
that low perpetrator

before he strikes.

Ah, Funnypenny.

Still madly in love
with me, I suppose.

Not as much as you
are, Double-Oh-Orson.

The boys in the lab
came up with something

for your mission,

Double-Oh-Orson.

A wristwatch?

When does anything we give you

do what it looks like
it's supposed to do?

Remember the highly
radioactive thermonuclear

exploding Grelbin device

from your last mission?

This is a miniaturized
version of it.

Just set the alarm
to make it go off.

And do take care,
Double-Oh-Orson.

That Funnypenny,
always Miss Congeniality.

[W] Each robbery
coincided with a visit

from the wealthy inter-
national corn broker,

P Cornfinger.

Yet, no evidence
has been found

to link him to the crime.

This could be dangerous, W.

You really think so,
Double-Oh-Orson?

Quite, W.

Very well, then.

Hmm. Nothing out of
the ordinary going on.

Uh...

Cases of canned corn being
loaded into a truck.

I say.

I'm from the bird-
watching society.

I was taking an evening walk

and saw a rare red speckled
sap sucker in your tree.

[spies throwing punches]

[Double-Oh-Orson sighs]

What happened?
Where am I?

So, we meet again,
Double-Oh-Orson.

My old archenemy Pinfeather.

You're P Cornfinger?

I had to change my identity
after that fiasco

over the highly
radioactive thermonuclear

exploding Grelbin device.

What? You haven't given up
your criminal activities?

You are behind the inter=
national corn bank robberies

and that's why
you've come here,

to rob the corn
bank of England.

While that may be true,

there's no way you can
connect me with the crimes.

You are going
to be canned.

You think I'm going
to be fired?

No, I think you're
going to be canned.

Canned Cream of Spy Soup.

Farewell,
Double-Oh-Orson.

You'll never get away
with it, Cornfinger.

This wristwatch
is a miniaturized

highly radioactive thermonuclear
exploding Grelbin device.

Oh, no! Not a miniaturized
highly radioactive

thermonuclear exploding
Grelbin device?

It's now set to go off,
so give yourself up.

[beeping]

[faster beeping]

[corn popping]

[Double-Oh-Orson] There's
the proof, Cornfinger.

The stolen corn was hidden
in the panels of your limousine!

Hmm, I think I know where to
find those missing ears of corn.

[banging]

Er, uh, hello,
friend pig.

Ha ha. What can I do for you?

Well, I knew you were cold, Roy,

so I thought I'd lend you
my battery-powered heater.

No, no, take
that thing away.

This little thing sure heats
up a room fast, doesn't it?

[corn popping]

I am in deep trouble.

Oh, whoa!

[corn popping, Roy yelling]

We heard the yelling.

But I came anyway.
What's amiss?

The reason my count
kept coming out different

was that Roy here
was smuggling corn

out of the crib
in his parka.

[sighs]

Popcorn,
anyone?

Yeah, sure.
Thanks. Goody.

Oh, boy.

[Garfield humming]

Ahem. Something
is wrong here.

What? Is this the "10
items or less" line?

Garfield, you just
finished eating.

You never finish eating.

You just pause
between bites for naps.

Garfield, I don't know what
to do about the way you--

[timer buzzes]

Excuse me, my cake is done.

[Garfield] Cake?

You mean cake as
in chocolate cake?

Cake as in seven-layer
cake? That kind of cake?

Garfield, you are not
getting this cake.

[Garfield] He always says
that, and I always get it.

I wish he'd just hand it
over and save us both

a lot of aggravation.

I have an idea.

I'm gonna set
my kitchen timer.

If you can go without eating
anything for five minutes,

I'll give you the cake.

In fact, if you can
go without eating

for five minutes,

I'll give up cartooning and
become a can-can dancer.

[clock ticking]

He thinks I have
no willpower.

He thinks I can't go five
minutes without eating.

Well, I'll show him.
This is a piece of cake.

Cake! A piece of cake!

No, no, I have
restraint. I can resist.

Is the five minutes up yet?

This is the longest
five minutes in history.

This five minutes
must be lasting 12 hours.

[chimes playing simple tune]

That music, the sweetest, most
wonderful tune to my ears.

I hear you, my love.
I'm coming to you!

[Garfield mimics police siren]

All right, going through
a boulevard stop.

That's five days in jail or
five chocolate num-num bars.

What's it gonna be?

[thud]

Getting some ice cream?

All right, I'm gonna let you off

with a warning
this time,

but watch it.

He won't last.
No chance.

[Garfield] I have to get
my mind off food.

It's only five minutes...

I'll go for a walk
in the park.

That'll get my
mind off eating.

Oh, you packed
too much food, Elaine.

I don't want to
carry all this home.

Why don't we give the
extra food to that cat?

[Garfield groans]

I don't know.

Do you think he'd want
all this lasagna?

[groans]

[Garfield] Gotta
get away from food.

Oh, hi, cat. Wanna
try a free sample

of our new prime rib on a stick?

Comes in three
tasty varieties:

rare, medium,
and horseradish.

[screams]

Hmm. Must be
a vegetarian.

[Garfield] I gotta
get away from food

for the rest
of the five minutes.

Oh, no, not them.

I'm Bobby Buddy Bear.

I'm Billy Buddy Bear.

I'm Bertie Buddy Bear.

[all] We're the Buddy Bears!

And, Garfield,
for being our friend,

we decided to give
you all this,

and it's all for you.

[Garfield] A medium-size snack.

I'll start with this,
and all of this,

and some of this,
and lots of this,

and large quantities of this,
and this and this and that

and this and this
and some more of this...

Are you happy?

[Garfield] You don't have
my favorite brand of mustard,

but otherwise, four stars.

We thought it was time we
did something nice for you.

Yes, it was time.

[gasp] Time!

No! No, I can't eat till
the five minutes is up.

I have to get
away from food.

Want a free
hot dog, cat?

[screams]

Complimentary
hamburger, kitty cat?

[screams]

A free duck à l'orange
with truffle pâtés,

Monsieur p*ssy Cat?

[screams]

This never happens to me
except during this five minutes.

I must not even look at food.

Ah, my restaurant is gonna have
the best salad bar in town.

[clang!]

[Garfield] Whoever
I bumped, excuse me.

Look out! My salad bar
is rolling away!

Help, my salad bar! Stop it!

Now that I think of it,

I guess running with your eyes
shut isn't such a good idea.

Yep, not such a good idea.

The five minutes
must almost be up.

I just have to stay away
from food a little long...

[cart wheels creaking]

Help!

Food after me! Large
quantities of food!

[horns blaring]

Yes, I bet Garfield he
couldn't go five minutes

without eating.

I told him he
could have a cake,

plus I'd take up
can-can dancing.

It's almost over,
but I'm not worried.

[Garfield] Salad bars should be
equipped with emergency brakes.

[Garfield] Beep-beep!

[mailman screams]

Gee, the five minutes
is almost up.

I'll go check Garfield
for lasagna breath.

[cart wheels creaking]

[crash!]

Garfield, you've
been eating.

Uh-uh. Not a
bite. Honest.

But I can't stand
it any longer.

I gotta have
something to eat.

[timer buzzes]

You did it, Garfield.

Five minutes with-
out a bite to eat.

[gulp] I did it!

And since the five
minutes is up...

And don't forget my cake.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, sir,

did you see something
unusual around here?

[can-can dance music plays]

Not for this neighborhood.

[theme song plays]

[background chatter, laughter]

Hey!

Whoo!