06x05 - Jurassic Fart

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on
Total Drama Island...

Players lost their heads
in a game of Capture the Skull.

And despite near victory
by Ripper while using Priya
as a human shield,

it was Emma who won it
for the Frogs.

Priya wanted Ripper
G.O.N.E, gone,

but it was Scary Girl
who was voted off.

I'm still a little confused as
to how Scary Girl got voted off.

I mean, if Millie voted
for Ripper like she promised...

- Can you theorize more quietly?

- I tend to do these
show intros alone.

Oh and nothing happens
quietly, Millie.

Not here, on
"Total... Drama... Island"!

[theme music]

- Alright, Maggot!

Are you ready to train?!

- I guess so.

- I can't hear you!

[screaming]: I guess so!

- We'll work on that later.

For now, just avoid the apples.

- Okay.
[grunts]

Wait! Ow!

You hit me!
- I said, avoid the apples!

[grunts]

- I agreed to let Priya train me

because the longer I stay
on the island,

the more research I can do.

I had no idea she'd be
like this.

[grunts]
Can you... Ouch!

Why are you...

- Deke right!

Deke left!

You got this!
[grunts]

Okay. We have some work
to do, but... good effort.

- Priya, looking stunning,
as always.

- Really? Thanks!

- I hope I can count
on your support!

- Um... okay.
- How about you, Millie?

- If you want my vote,
it'll take more than

superficial comments
based on unrealistic standards
created by media.

- Oh-h*! Biggest brain
on the island!

- That's true.
I'll take a button.

- Yes! Together,
we can do this!

- Oh, check it out!

I'm button-man!

- He's my biggest supporter.

- I'm gonna put one on my can.

Ah!
[coughing]

- I've had enough!

So I'm running a "vote
Damien off the island" campaign.

I'd rather leave by drone today
than in a box tomorrow.

I made buttons.

Vote Damien, save Damien!

- As much as I'd love
to give Damien what he wants
and send him home,

Ripper must go next.
[slurping]

- I am so uncomfortable
right now.

- Baked beans.

Okay.

Be grateful for every meal.

Hashtag, GiveThanks.

- Hey, Julia.
Lookin' good today!

- Thanks, one of
the hockey guys!

But it's what's inside
that counts.

- Oh no, Raj.

If it's what's inside that
matters then I'm in trouble.

- For sure, eh.

You were in that
outhouse forever!

- All the stuff
that matters. Gone!

- Eh, if it makes you feel
any better,

it landed on top of
all my stuff that matters.

[laughing]

- We're talkin' about our poop!

- Well, I'm done eating
for the day.

- Cool! Sweet!
Bonus beans!

- Attention, campers!

Be at the beach on the far side
of the island in 10 minutes

for today's epic challenge.

- Hey, stop!

- Morning, campers.

I hope you enjoyed
your breakfast.

Today's challenge
is a simple race

from this side of the island
to the other side.

First team to have all
its members on the dock, wins.

And the losing team, as always,
will be sending someone home.

- And that'll be me, right?
Can I count on you?

- Everyone wants Ripper gone.

I'm sorry.
[clears throat]

- Something you'd like to share
with the rest of the class?

- No.
- Blah blah blah.

We know there's a catch. Just
tell us how we're gonna die.

- Just because there's
never not been a catch, MK,

doesn't mean there's always
going to be a catch.

- Awesome. There's no catch.
- Of course there's a catch.

- What? Land mines?!
It's land mines, isn't it?!

- Whoa, whoa.
Hold up, Chris!

We specifically said
no land mines!

- Relax. There are no land
mines... in this challenge.

- So what's the catch?

- Let's just say you'll want to
do this as silently as possible.

[farting]
- Priya?! Did you just toot?!

- Um... Excuse me!

[farting]

- You guys are disgust--
[farting]

[farting continues]

That came out of nowhere.

Well, not... nowhere.

It just... it took me
by surprise

is all I'm trying to--
[farting]

I might have trouble crossing
the island silently.

That's why today's breakfast
was baked beans!

- Oh, that makes sense.

Beans contain raffinose,
a carbohydrate that ferments

inside our large intestine.
- Nerd!

Hey... I wonder if that's
what's causing the farting?

- Yes! That is exactly
what I just explained.

[farting]
- Wow.

You got some real
power there, Emma.

More than just a pretty face.

- Ew. Are you flirting
with me about my farts?

- Yes, I am.
- Yes, the all-bean breakfast

was part of the plan.
Now, shush your butts

and get moving so you don't get
eaten by any of the raptors.

- The basketball team?!
- No.

- Maybe you missed this news,
but dinosaurs are now extinct.

- Are they?
[roaring]

- Ah, what was that?

- Gee, I might be wrong,
but I'd say it sounded
a lot like a raptor.

- Huddle up.
I am buying none of this.

If there were raptors coming,

Chris would not be
standing here with us.

- Let the challenge begin!

- Ah, come back!

- No, I won't come back
because I can't hear you!

[panting]

[growling]

[roaring]
[screaming]

[panting]

- I think we're okay.

- Hypothetical question:
how would you get

your ex-girlfriend back
after cutting the uh...

hypothetical brakes
on her hypothetical car?

- That is a sitch
I'd never be in, dude.

I love girls, I love cars
and I love brakes.

- Oh-h*-h*, please.

I miss her so much and...
[farting]

- Clench, clench! Harder!

. Cap that toothpaste, buddy.
You got this.

You did it.
- Oh, yeah.

- Dude, what's in that bush?!

- Ha! You looked so scar--

[growling]
[screaming]

[crunching]

[farting]
- Damien! Stay quiet!

- Save your lectures
for your own butt!

- Shh! No more whimpering.

And if you need to fart,
relax your body like this.

[sighing]
See?

I'm farting right now.

- Whoa. That's impressi--
- Shh.

Still farting.

- Oh, ew!
- It smells like a rotting fish

and a bag of burning hair
had a baby.

- We need a different solution.

- I got that figured out
'cause I'm brilliant.

This pillow mutes
my butt trumpet!

[farting]
- Is that my pillow?

- Uh, yeah. I wasn't gonna
use my own.

I don't want pinkeye!

[grunts]
I normally only use

this pillow trick
for weddings and funerals,

so it feels weird to not be
wearing a tie right now.

- You need to give Millie back
her pillow right now!

- Okay, but taking
the sil*ncer off my butt cannon

puts us all in danger...

Uh-oh!
[farting]

[roaring]

- Run!
- What'd I tell you, huh?

Here's your dumb pillow!
- Put it back in your pants!

- So we're still trapped
in our own end and need
a controlled breakout.

- Treat it like it's overtime.

- Sudden death!
- True that, Rajie.

Go with an F1, F2, F3,
T-forecheck system?

- Awe, classic Torts
man-down execution!

- Then that's the plan.
Ready to drop the puck, Jules?

- What are you two even saying?!

[roaring]
[screaming]

- Wait!

- Everything will be fine...
if we just stick together!

- Agreed!

[screaming]
- Ow!

- See? Smart idea to hold
our butts shut

with our hands, right?
- Yeah man, my glutes can relax

like they're just
at home watchin' TV.

- Oh no.
I got big one coming!

- Hold tight, Chase,
you got this.

[stomach growling]
[moaning]

- I can't hold 'em.
They're cracking apart.

Ah, you gotta help me!
- What?!

- If you don't,
it's both our butts!

- Dude!

- Dude?!

[dramatic music]

Now we just gotta wait it out.

- Hey, you work-out a lot, huh?

- Well, I do do a lot
of extreme mountain biking.

- Ha-ha, your bum is like,
statue hard, dude.

Like I'm holding two five-pin
bowling ba*ls or a--

[snorting]

- Uh, are you...
sniffing me, dude?

- That ain't me, dude.

Please tell me there's
a really big dog behind me.

- Not a dog, yo.
Not a dog.

Now let go of my butt and run!

[farting]

[screaming]
[roaring]

[panting]

- Whoa!
[roaring]

[screaming]

- Dude! C'mon!

- Dude, my leg is stuck. Help!

[panting]
[roaring]

- Oh, uh, sorry, man.
You're on your own.

[screaming]
- Dude!

I held your butt shut.

[roaring]
[screaming]

- It's not that I don't care
about other people.

It's just that I care
about me the most.

- Okay Lefty,
let's try it this way.

[roaring]

Come on, come on, come on...

Come on, come on...

Oh, close call.

Man, keep that leg.
I packed another one, dude.

[growling]

- Ugh. I'm getting tired
of running.

- Hey! I just thought
of something!

- You can tell me anything.
Thoughts about your feelings

or who you are...

I am ready to hear you
without judgement.

This is it. Raj is gonna
tell me he's g*y. Or Bi.

He's tellin' me something!

- You got any hockey tape?
- No. That's not it.

Only five rolls.
- Sweet! I got a plan.

[ ♪]

We pulled this trick
on our teammate Keith Campbell

during a tourney in Shellbrook.

[chuckling]
It was hilarious.

- So hilarious!

Not to Keith though.
- Nah.

He seemed super mad when
we saw him at the hospital.

[sniffing]
[together]: Hoot! Hoot!

- Hey, dragon, over here!

[roaring]

- Penalty!

- 2 minutes for trippin'!

Hey, that mud scum
is pretty slippy.

Why we runnin'
when we can scum skate?

- Go Snow Owls!

[roaring]
- Gotta hide!

- Ow!
- I thought I'd lost you!

- You mean when you ran away?

- I thought you were
right behind me!

[roaring]
- Everything will be fine

if we just stay silent.

[farting]
[roaring]

[screaming]

- Go hard right to the buzzer!

- Let's do it!

[together]: Turbo boost!
[farting]

- From the starting line
to the farting line.

The hockey bros are in!

- Time to watch this
and see what we got!

Okay, been recording
confessionals for a few days now

and here's the 411.

Millie lied to Priya about
who she voted for

in the last elimination and
is writing a thesis paper

that throws everyone here
under the bus.

[chuckling]
And Princess Julia is not

the positive yoga sunshine
rainbow she pretends to be.

And she calls us all
"butt knuckles!"

- Emma's the third member of
the Frogs of Death to make it.

[cheering]

Hold on, here comes the first
member of The Ferocious Trout!

Were you traveling alone, Chase?

[crying]
- I was with Zee,

but I left him behind!

[crying]
[farting]

I've never put anyone in danger
like that before!

- Never?!
[laughing]

Um, what?! I seem to recall
being in a speeding car

that crashed into
a pet shop because someone
had cut my brakes!

Oh but now, he's crying
and he's saying he's sorry

about something
that he did to Zee?!

Where's my apology?!

- Okay, you can stop getting
your nose sauce

on my stylish sneakers.

- Sup.
- Zee?

[farting]
Oh, man!

I'm so sorry!

I've never been more sorry
about anything in my life.

- C'mon Zee, let him have it.

- You know what?! I would've
done the same thing, bro.

[groaning]
- C'mon. This way.

[growling]

[farting]
We can stop farting

and make it to
the finish line silently

if we can find some
Ajwain and eat it.

Sumach, juniper, fenugreek,
sweet flag...

- Wow! I found this giant pot
of beans on the stove

if anyone wants more.

- Oh! Ajwain! Quick,
give me your hands.

Normally, you boil this with
limes and serve it like tea,

but there's no time for that,
so this'll have to do!

Ugh.

- I can't believe I'm gonna
silence my greatest gift

and a shot at the world record.

I can feel a winner inside me
just dying to get out!

- This is neither the time
nor place.

- Alright, Alright!

[stomach growling]
Wait!

- Oh no.
- Are you kidding me right now?!

- What? What's happening?
[stomach growling]

- This is the one!
One steamboat...

Two steamboats!
Three steamboats!

[screaming]
Four steamboats!

Five steamboats!



Yes! I've tied the world record!

- Ripper did it.

He actually accomplished his...
Why am I impressed by this?

- Are you crazy?
[roaring]

- Shh. Look.

- We're fine.
Raptors can't open doors.

They have the brains
of 9 year-olds.

- When did you learn
to open a door?

- I partially agree with Ripper,

twisting a door knob
requires a dexterity
that raptors don't have.

- Are you sure about that?

[roaring]
[screaming]

- I am so glad I skipped
the beans this morning.

[branch cracking]
Oh crud.

[roaring]

[sighing]
No. Not today.

Mouthwash! Ever heard of it?

For reals, they should change
your name to Halitosis-saurus!

Your breath reeks
of caveman, girl.

And get some whitening strips

and aligners
for your teeth already.

Your grill looks like
a fence made of mud.

I can't even talk about
your dry scaly skin

because I will literally barf
in my own mouth.

You have bags under your eyes,

you have puny little
chicken wing arms...

And your toenails? Big yikes!

It's actually no wonder
you went extinct,

because no one would want
to get with that.

[squealing]

- Oh. Julia just read
that raptor.

You were rough
on that dinosaur.

- What? Uh, you saw that?

- Mm-hmm. And now,
I know your true colors

are vicious and brutal.

- If you tell anyone...
- Don't worry.

Your secret's safe.
Just never dissect me like that.

I'm an ugly crier.
- Deal. Now, let's go.

- Mouthwash! Ever heard of it?

Because your breath reeks!

- Oh. Let's upload
the lowdown Julia

to her MySelfieGram account

and see what all her
followers think.

Hashtag: The real Julia.

I hope that raptor's okay.

[crying]

- This is it!
This is how I die!

- Damien, you're the love
of my life!

- I am?!
- No!

I just wanted to say that
to someone before I die!

[roaring]

We can't hold him back
much longer!

- Oh...

Beans... fire...

I got this!
[roaring]

Now run!

[farting]

[expl*si*n]

Did I just do that?
I just did that!

- Bowie, Julia, MK,

you are the last to arrive
for your team which means

the Frogs of Death win!

[cheering]

And a close second place loser
finish for team Trout.

[laughing]
See you...

at the elimination ceremony.
[farting]

- Hey uh. I'm glad you're okay.

- Oh, look again, I am
much better than okay.

- Oh. Yeah.
[laughing]

Yeah.

- Mouthwash!
[gasps]

How did this...

Who uploaded this
to my account?

Ah! I'm down
to 3 000 followers?!

Who did this?!

[groaning]

[ ♪]

- Ferocious Trout.

Didn't expect to see you
here again so soon.

Back-to-back losses means
tonight you're sending

another team member home.
[farting]

As I was saying, you're sending
another team mem--

[farting]
Hey.

This is the serious part
of the show,

and we're very close
to an open flame,

so please try to hold--
[farting]

- Aw man, that one for sure
is gonna leave a mark!

- Chef, let's just get on
with it.

- Chase, when Zee's leg
got stuck

and he asked for help,
you abandoned him.

That's not what a good
teammate does.

- Even Zee forgave me for that.

- Millie.
- What did I do?

- You demanded Ripper give back
your pillow,

which he clearly needed
to mute his farts.

That nearly got your group
eaten by raptors.

- Okay. That's true,
but he was farting
through my pillow.

- And Ripper.
You put your needs

in front of your team's survival
when you tied that world record.

If not for Damien's heroics,

you'd all be inside
a raptor's tummy right now.

- You hear that?! Heroics!
I'm here to play now.

Million Dollars,
I'm coming for you!

- I knew that fart might
get me eliminated.

But I'd rather be
a world record fart holder
than a millionaire!

I'm no dummy.

- Alright, you know the drill:

if you get a marshmallow,
you're safe.

Priya. Chase.

Zee. Millie.

You are all safe.

And the final marshmallow
goes to...

Will it be you?
Or you?

Or you?
Or you?

Or--
- Dude, just give Damien

the dumb marshmallow,
we all know I'm the one going--

- Damien.
You've been voted off.

- Wait. What?
[muffled]: Wait. What?

- You saved our lives,
so I convinced everyone
to vote for you!

- We know it's what you wanted.

It's our way of saying
thank you.

- Aw. It's a happy ending.

I don't care for that.

Damien, follow me to
the dock of shame please.

- When I wanted to be voted off,
no one would do it,

then I change my mind
about wanting to leave and...

[sighing]
Irony is a cruel, cruel-- Ah!

[screaming]
This is not safe!

- Wow, huh?
This day had everything!

Farts, explosions, dinosaurs...

[screaming]
- Help!

[laughing]

- We should probably catch those

so no one gets eaten during
our next episode of...

Total Drama Island!

[ ♪]