06x02 - Pirates of the Cabbage'an

[bunniefuu]

[Chris]: Last time, on Total
Drama Island...

I welcomed the new victims,
um, contestants, to the island,

and divided 'em into two teams.

The Ferocious Trout
and The Frogs of Death

had their first challenge.

The players guided
their blindfolded teammates

through a dangerous course
to complete a simple task.

The Frogs of Death
had it made until Emma started

a fight with her ex, Chase,
and stopped giving directions,

allowing the Ferocious Trout
to come from behind and win.

Oh, and everyone
saw Ripper's bum.

At the marshmallow ceremony,
I was shocked.

The Frogs of Death
voted off Caleb:

The Most Gorgeous Man Alive!

Who'll be heading home today?

Someone less attractive,
that's for sure!

Now let's find out
who that hideous creature

will be, here on Total...

Drama...

Island!

♪ Hey what's up
I'm here to slay ♪

♪ Don't know why the rest
Even bother to stay ♪

♪ I know the game
And I brought the skill ♪

♪ Crushing player's dreams
Yeah you know the drill ♪

♪ I wanna be
I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪ ♪

- Ugh, I can't believe Caleb
got sent home instead of me.

- You can thank me for that.

I convinced everyone
to vote for Caleb.

- You ...did that for me?

- Not at all, but let's pretend

I did and agree that you owe

me one, cause now
I'm a little sad Caleb's gone.

He was serious eye candy.

- He really was.

Why didn't you convince the
team to vote for someone else?

Maybe there would have been
a swimming challenge and Caleb

would've taken his shirt off.

- Why would you say that?!
I'm already sad!

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

[sighs]

- Emotional time over.

So, Chase cut your brakes?

Let's talk about please.

- Ugh.

So a bunch of us lived

in a house and we'd live stream

our crazy stunts.

But Chase broke
the number one rule:

the person doing something
stupid has to know

they're doing something stupid!

And I didn't!

- And, he could've k*lled you.

You kind of minimized that part.

Anyway, in today's challenge,
if there's a way I can help

you get a little revenge,
just say the word.

- Bowie! You rah-rah-rock!

- Okay. Okay!

- Heh. I think you and I are

about to become good friends.

- It's okay to make a friend.

On this island a friend
means an alliance.

That's survival 101
in this game.

- And Chris gave me these
new shorts because the network

was upset everyone saw my bum.

Whatever.

[gasps]

Hide!
- Whoa!

- Check it out,
Millie's writing...

[chuckling]

like a nerd.

- How does writing make you a...

- Ha-ha!
Whatcha writin', nerd?

Words?!

- Give it back, Ripper! Stop!

- Ripper, just give her..

- Damien! Go long!
"Ripper's in the pocket.

The clock is running down.

He looks deep!

There's the pass..."

- Here you go, Millie.

- Thank you.

- Bullying is a sign

of insecurity, and you--

- Wait!

[suspenseful music]

[rumbling]

[groaning]

One steamboat, two steamboat,
three steamboat...

four steamboat--
- Why are you counting?

What happens at ten?!
Should we take cover?!

Aw, crud-nuggets. I had a good
feeling about that one!

The under eighteen record
holder for the longest fart

is a kid named Bucky Windhorn.

He's the one who fired off
that 48 second stink torpedo

heard around the world.

- Is that a real thing,
or are you just--

- Let him talk!

- Personal best is 47 seconds.

I know I can beat it!
It's my life's ambition.

So now, whenever I fart,
I count steamboats.

- Wait a secon... Ow!

- Go ahead, Ripper,
keep talking.

- Well I'm wondering
if counting out loud

hurts my chances?

'Cause I'm like,
breathing out of both ends.

- Actually, trapped intestinal
gas can be reabsorbed

by the bloodstream
and released as an exhale.

- Nerd! Nerd!
Nerd-na-na-nerd!

Nerd-nerd-nerd! Nerd-Nerd!

Calling out nerds is important
cause some nerds are so deep

into nerd-dom they don't even
know they're nerds!

They just wander around
talking about algebra or Orcs

thinking it's okay to do that.

[laughing]

It is not!

- Ripper's life's ambition
is a fart!

I don't think
I brought enough notebooks!

- Aw...

Me gots the hungries.

- I caught enough for everyone!

Dig in.

- Caught?

[soft music]

- Ah!

[screaming]

[fire crackling]

Yeah, caught!

- And these are...

- Dead.

- Yes. I meant before that.

- Alive!

Eat!

- Um...

Okay.

- Hard pass.

- I'm not asking!

- I'm telling!

A strong team is a winning team.

Eat.

[chuckling]

- Aw, is this squirrel?

Brah, you can
really taste the nuts.

[Chris]: Attention campers.

It's challenge time.

On the beach.

10 minutes.

Over and out.

- Guess we ran out of time.

- You got a little...

Right on your...

Ya you got it.

- Oh, sorry.

Hi.

[laughing]

Not here to confess.

Never gonna happen.

Just wanna see how
the confession camera...

works!

Yeah, dude! Boom baby!

Here's the dealio for realio,

I'm gonna use the phone
I took from Julia to download

and watch everyone
else's confessionals.

Oh, just to be clear,
I only want to hear

what everyone else is saying.

I'm gonna fast forward
through most of the pooping.

I'm not a weirdo.

- Ahoy bilge sucking
landlubbers!

Welcome to your next challenge!

To win this one you'll need
to take the other team down.

Literally.

Down to the bottom...

of the sea!

Each ship is equipped

with two functioning cannons.

Once they're loaded,
just pull the rope to fire.

- Just like my finger.

[farts]

And, because our legal

team refused to let us use

actual cannonballs,

the below deck area has been
filled with heads of cabbage.

Just as deadly, but rich
in vitamin K which is great

for you guys since
it helps with blood clotting.

- Oh!

Blood.

- Oh... you're
not strange at all.

Anyway...

Once aboard the ships,

teams will need to decide

who their captain is,
who will bring the cabbages

up from below deck,
and who will work the cannons.

Any player that falls
in the water is out

of the challenge
and must swim to shore.

The first team to sink
the enemy's ship wins.

The battle begins when
I fire this blunder-bus.

Chef will now take
you to your ships.

- Ah! Stop it! Bad bird! Bad!

I changed my mind, Chris.

I want the hat,
you can take the bird.

- Eh, you picked the bird.
Sorry, no take-backs.

- No take backs.
- Well I didn't know the bird

was gonna be a jerk!

Ow! No biting!

- Off you go, teams.

- Okay, I'll be captain, boys!

Makes good sense cause I'm
captain of my hockey team, eh?

- Hockey and sailing
aren't really--

- Go Snow Owls!

[hooting]

- MK and Rajie, grab the fruit
for the cannons.

- Aye-aye Captain! Come on, MK.

- Uh...

- Cabbage isn't a fruit.

That's all I came here to say.

- Bowie and I will work
a cannon together!

- Nice.

Julia and Nichelle,
you work the other.

- Of course he puts the two
famous people together.

Whatever, right? It's probably
good for the ratings.

- I'm famous.

I have no idea who she is.

- I'm captain.

- No, I'm captain!

Ah!

- Two captains.

No way we lose!

There can only be one captain.

- Okay losers, hands up if you
want Axel as your captain.

Are you serious?!

Well, if you think
I'm taking orders

from you, then you can just--

Ah!

[splashing]

- That's how I deal with mutiny.

- Whoa! Taking out our
own team members is not

how you win a challenge!

- Way to go, now we're
down a player!

- Maybe you'd be in a better
mood if you had eaten
one of the squirrels.

- Hold up, hold up. Time out.
Eaten a what?

[snoring]

- I think he's asleep.

- Aw! Cute.

Let the battle begin!

- Ah! Ow! Get him off!

Ah!

[both]: Battle Stations!

- Incoming!

- Look out for the...

[grunts]

- Ah!

- Priya!

- I can't believe I got
taken out right away.

[groans]

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry.

I know you covered this
in my training but...

...you used melons!

I think cabbages are faster.

- Zee, go stitch up our flag!

Now!

- They missed
the ship completely.

Their aim is horrible!

- Aim lower.

You need to hit the ship
if you want to sink it.

Like this!

- Ah!

- Got it!

- You got it girl,
let's drown these fish!

- Oh. Never yell,
it ages your neck.

- Do you want to aim
for the ship now...

or still at Chase?

- Chase.

Totally aiming for Chase.

- I like your style.

[coughing]

- How did you get past
all the sharks?

- Sharks?!

- Did I not release the sharks?

Why do I always forget
to release the sharks?

I even drew one on my
hand to remind myself.

Still forgot.

What are you gonna do?

[suspenseful music]

- Incoming!

Whoa! Direct hits!

- Attention pirates.

There are now sharks
in the water.

- Why?!

- Because I put them there.

- I can't believe he just said
that there are sharks...

Ah!

[coughing]

Ah!

[sighs]

Ah!

[sighs]

Ah!

[Ding!]

- Yes Scary Girl! Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!

That was a Great White!
They aren't even supposed

to be in fresh water!

It compromises the buoyancy

of the livers which makes it

harder for them to--

- Ya got more problems.

- Wait what?

[roaring]

Ah!

- If the shark ate Damien,

he would scream a lot.

I like that.

But then Damien would
never scream again.

I don't like that.

So I saved him.

- Three cabbages loaded!

[grunts]

[gasping]

- Ya!
- Hey!

Hey! The goal
is to sink the ship!

Why are you aiming
at people?!

- Emma! Bowie! Way to use your
head brains! Great game plan!

- How is it a great game plan?!

We've only hit the ship once!

- If we take out their offence

they'll have to play the rest
of the game shorthanded...

-and we'll have 'em trapped
in their own end.

- Oh so we can just keep firing

pucks into their net
'til the final horn.

- You know it, Rajie!

- Speak English!

- If we take out enough of their
players they can't fight back.

Then we just blast their ship
'til it sinks.

- Oh.

Let's do that.

- Attack!

- I got more a*mo
for the... ugh!

[gasps]

Ah!

- Grab the cabbages!!

- Okay, I'll take Millie's spot
and get more cabbages...

Ah!

- Seems the Frogs of Death
are going for the opposing

team's players before
going after their ship.

Hey! Your team's getting
outsmarted by Wayne!

[laughing]

Sometimes I like to kick people
while they're down.

- I like to bite Chef.

[screaming]

- You sure
you don't wanna trade?

- Uh, I really like this hat.

- Fire!

- Wow. Cool backfli...

Ah!

- Wahoo! Yes.

Yes! Uh-huh!

Uh-huh, got 'em! I got 'em!

- Ahem.

[chuckling]

- I mean one of the...
hit... him... them.

I got one.

Chase, was it? Pff...

I don't know.

- Hey guys I scored more leafy
ba*ls from the boat basement!

- Let's finish this!

- Yeah!

- Yacht life!

- The Trout have only
two players remaining.

It is not looking good.

- It's just me and you left.

Ah!

What do we do now?

- Ram the ship!

- That's a horrible plan.

- If we ram their ship and we
both sink it'll be a tie.

It's our only...

Ah!

- Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Now I'm the captain? Okay.

Ram the ship?

It's ramming time!

- Is he turning towards us?

- He's trying to ram us.

Sink both ships
and make it a tie!

- Okay, for serious,

I can't get wet right

now because I may or may not

have a phone in my pocket.

- Back to the cannons!

We gotta sink him!

[all]: Go Team Frogs!!

- Great job, Captain.

- Hey! Mutiny has consequences,
so--

- You know what
your problem is?!

- Is it that my fist fits

perfectly into your face?!

- If you even try to
punch my face--

- Hey! I am trying
to enjoy a challenge.

- She's the one who said that--
- Then tell Ripper to--

[cawing]
- Shut your cake holes!

- Okay. I'll take the bird.

- Thank you!

Ah!

[both]: Fire!

- Fire!

- More cabbages!

- I got 'em.

- Ah!

Oh, this is gonna be great!

[cawing]
- People gonna die!

- He's gonna hit us.

- Brace for impact!

- Ah!

- Ah!
- Ah!

- I can't watch.

- No, no, no, no, no!

- See! Birds ruin everything.

- It's okay.

You can poop on him later.

- Well...

the captain always goes

down with the ship.

So I guess I...

- Frogs of Death...

you have won the challenge!

[both]: Champions! Champions!
Champions!

- We came here to win
so that's what we did.

- Credit to the other team
though, they, uh, played hard,

ya know, considering
how crummy they are.

- Total fart faces.

- Yeah. I think Rajie
said it best, there.

Fart faces.

- Well done Frogs!
Great strategy, Wayne.

- Thanks coach.

- Maybe if hockey doesn't

work out you two could
become pirates.

[laughing]

- Okay, bud.
- For sure. For sure.

- If Rajie and I don't make
it as pro hockey players--

- Which is crazy talk.

- Oh ya, cause we're
for sure makin' it.

But if we don't, well...

- We both really love...

[both]: Syrup.

- So we're gonna become
bee keepers.

- Bees don't make syrup.

That's all I came here to say.

[suspenseful music]

- Look out for that!

- Ah!

No!

Ah!

- Ah!

[both]: Ah!

- Ah! A shark took his leg!

Call the ambulance!

- Aw, man.

Did you guys see that?

Shark took my leg, brah.

This is a bummer.

I really liked that leg too!

- What is happening right now?

- He's in shock.

That has to be it.

- Aw, it was a great leg.

Probably my favourite!

Alright!

[gasps]

Is Zee a Robot?

- Is there a reason you never
told us one of your legs

was a prosthetic?!

- Probably the same reason you

never told me your legs weren't.

- Fair enough.

- Team Trout,
I'll see you tonight

at the elimination ceremony.

Because one of you...

is going home.

- That cabbage hurt!
But on the beach,

did you catch Emma
cha-cha-checking me out?!

Ooh! Boom! She still
in mad-love! Ugh!

Called it.

- On the beach,

before Zee started screaming,

I couldn't stop watching
Chase holding his ribs.

I hurt him.

[suspenseful music]

- Welcome Trouts.

You'll be voting for the team

member you feel should
be eliminated tonight.

And there are certainly options.

- Scary Girl.

You stepped out of the way

and let Millie get hit
instead of warning her.

- Which was hilarious!

- Zee.

You were the last member

of your team aboard
your ship and you

could've ended the challenge

in a tie but instead drove your

ship into the rocks and sank it.

- Yeah, but if they kick me off

now they'll never know
how I lost my leg.

I was actually born like this.

But when someone asks
I know they'd rather

hear a cool story, so...

yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm safe.

- Ripper. You were in the water

before the challenge
even started.

You were no help to your team.

- How is that my fault?!
Axel kicked me overboard!

If I'd been there we'd have won!

- Axel, you were team captain.

And the first thing you did
was kick one of your own

players overboard.

- Whatever.

The team was totally
with me on that!

And there's no chance
I get voted off,

I made everyone breakfast.

- If I call your name,
you get a marshmallow.

If you get a marshmallow,
you're safe.

If you don't get a marshmallow,

you're gonzo, and must leave
the island immediately.

Let's begin.

Millie.

Chase.

Priya.

Scary Girl.

Damien.

You are all safe.

The next marshmallow
belongs to...

Zee.

- Aw, sweet.

Can I eat it?

- Yes?

[chuckling]

- Best day ever!

Ripper.

Axel.

One of you is going home.

- Maybe we should fight
for the last marshmallow.

- Yeah. Bring it on.

- Kids.

Do not make me separate you!

Kidding! I'm about
to do exactly that.

The last marshmallow goes to...

[suspenseful music]

- Ripper.

- Aw, snap!

Pack up your survival trinkets,

cause guess what?

You didn't survive.

[laughing]
[grunting]

Lookey-lookey.

Who's marshmallow is this?

Huh? Huh? That's right it's-- !

Ow!

She ate my marshmallow!
She can't do that!

Chris! Do something!

- I'll make sure
she mails it back to you

when she's done with it.

- Ew.

- Axel, time to walk down

the dock of shame and get taken

away by the drone of despair.

Follow me please.

[Axel]: I don't see how the loss

was my fault!

I kicked a teammate overboard

and yelled orders at the rest
of the team to show they were

below me, I did nothing wrong!

[whirring]

You'll never take me alive!

- Yeah, that won't help.

- When the zombie apocalypse

happens I'm not gonna
help any of you!

- Well I'm scratching you off
my Christmas card list!

That's two contestants down.


Who will be next?

I'm legally not allowed to tell

you, so keep watching...

Total...

Drama...

Island!