01x02 - Romeo and Juliet/Food Barn

[bunniefuu]

Who's that girl, what's her name?
Is she cool, is she lame?

Oh, you're talkin' about what's-her-name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame, is she cool?

Is she breakin' every rule?
Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marchin' in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann...

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

-BOY 1: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she,
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

...Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann
She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Ooh, five bucks.

...Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

VERA: Attention, students.

It's time again
for another fabulous production

from Ms. Stark's drama club.

STUDENTS: Oh!

Not another stupid play.

VERA: We proudly present
William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

STUDENTS: Oh.

Um, hi! That movie was so last year.

VERA: Auditions are this Friday
after school. Be there or don't.

[SCOFFS] Don't worry, I won't.
Drama sucks.

I love drama!

The smell of the grease paint,
the roar of the crowd!

Excuse me, Ms. Stark.
Your bracelet is ripping my hair out.

I think either of you
would make an enchanting Juliet!

Thanks. Anyway, Ms. Stark,
but I am way too busy,

what with blading, and sleeping, and...

And if the role of Romeo
wasn't already cast,

why, you would have made
a strapping, uh,

a unique kind of, uh...

But I thought the auditions
weren't until the end of the week.

-PEPPER ANN: Yeah. Who's Romeo?
-CRAIG: Hey, Stark.

Nice lead.

[STUDENTS GASP]

That is an eighth grader.

I love drama.

-[STUDENTS SCREAM]
-[PANTS]

[GROANS]

How camest thou hither?

Uh, Peppie?
I thought you said drama sucked.

That was before I found out
Craig Bean is gonna be Romeo.

You wanna be in the play
'cause of some guy?

Uh, Craig Bean is not just some guy.

If I get the role of Juliet, oh,
just think where it could lead.

Sherrie Spleen here with a backstage look
at Hazelnut's real-life Romeo and Juliet,

Pepper Ann Pearson
and Craig Bean, an eighth grader!

So, Craig, give us the dish!

-She's fresh. Wicked fresh.
-Oh, you!

MOOSE: Uh, Peppie?

You're scaring me again. [GROANS]

[CANDIDATES VOCALIZING]

"Sweet, I should k*ll thee
with much cherishing."

[GASPS] That was in the script!
Craig, I could never hurt you.

"The lark and loatheth toad changed eyes."

Um, is this, like, in English?

Oh, fortune, fortune!

-All...
-Men call thee fickle.

-If thou art...
-Fickle, what dost thou with him?

-[BOTH SOB]
-[GROANS]

Romeo... what satisfaction
canst thou have tonight?

I must hear from thee every day
in the hour,

for in a minute, there are many days.

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-I could get used to this acting thing.

Applause, spotlight, Craig. [GROANS]

Stage.

Decisions! Monday noon!

[CLOCK TICKS]

Hey, PA. Guess who just made
the R and J crew?

-So, what do you get to do?
-Oh, I have no idea.

But the crew gets bottomless juice box!

[INTERCOM DINGING]

VERA: The roles for Romeo and Juliet
are cast.

The part of Juliet goes to Cissy Rooney.

-[STUDENTS SCREAMING, CRYING]
-FEMALE STUDENT: Oh, I can't stand her!

-She gets everything she wants.
-[SCREAMS]

I promise to forget the little people
on my way up.

VERA: And for the supporting roles,

the part of the nurse
goes to Pepper Ann Pearson.

The nurse?

Why, the nurse is the foundation
of the whole play!

She is the glue that holds
the story together!

But, the nurse only has one scene
with Cra... with Romeo.

Pepper Ann, the role of the nurse
is hugely important!

PEPPER ANN: Well, I did like that scene
with Lady Capulet.

MS. STARK: Wonderful!

I almost forgot to give you this.

Your new role calls
for a more full-bodied, zaftig physique.

[GASPS]

-[GROUND RUMBLING]
-What's happening?

[SCREAMS]

BOY: Run for your lives! She is coming!

Yes, it is Pep-zilla!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

-[GRUNTS]
-But Craig...

[SNIFFLES] ...I'm wicked fresh.

Remember?

Sorry, Ms. Stark, but there's no way

I'm gonna make a fool of myself
in front of the whole world and Craig

just for some stupid play.

Well done, Pepper Ann. If you can't play
Juliet opposite Craig's Romeo,

-there's just no point in doing it.
-PEPPER ANN: I know.

Although, the nurse
is kind of an important character.

Oh, please, Pepper Ann.

Shakespeare couldn't create
a meaningful character

if his overrated life depended on it.

Actually, if you think about it,
Romeo and Juliet is quite a stupid play.

Stupid play? [SCOFFS] Romeo and Juliet
is one of the greatest stories ever,

with the most memorable characters
in history.

In fact, the nurse's role
is one of the most crucial.

She is the window into Juliet's soul.

Gee, Pepper Ann,
if you feel that strongly about it,

-maybe you should be the nurse.
-Well, maybe I will.

Mistress! What, mistress!

-Yond... yond... Uh, line, Pepper Ann.
-PEPPER ANN: Yond is not daylight.

It was the lark, the herald of the morn.

Uh, PA?
What am I supposed to do with this shrub?

Holding it is inhibiting my juice intake.

It's part of the orchard.
Its purpose is to provide cover

for Romeo during the balcony scene.

-CISSY: Um, line, Pepper Ann?
-You kiss by the book, Romeo!

Three words, dear Romeo?
And glook... g... goodnight, indeed?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I just want to say it's been a joy
working with you all!

And I know tonight will be a huge triumph!

-Nobody move. I lost a contact.
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

It is so no use.

I won't be able to read
the TV-word thingy.

Sweet mother of all that is good!
The play is ruined!

[GROANS]

Hey, Stark. Pearson knows the lines.
She can play Juliet.

No, I can't. I'm the nurse.
I'm the foundation of the whole play!

Do it, PA.
For the love of Shakespeare.

You're right. The show must go on.

MS. STARK: But who will be our nurse?

I know the Heimlich.

I can't believe it!
I'm gonna play Juliet!

I'm gonna... [GRUNTS]
...be the best Juliet they've ever...

[SIGHS] ...ever...

[GROANS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

PEPPER ANN: No! I can't...
Um, not like...

MALE STUDENT: Push!

Um, but soft? What blocks the light
through yonder window?

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Romeo, Romeo!

-Wherefore art thou... [SCREAMS]
-[CRAIG GROANING]

-[AUDIENCE GASPING]
-[GRUNTS]

MS. STARK: Go out!

Uh... juice box?

Oh, why did we do this stupid play?

'Tis not thy juice box
but thy name that is my enemy.

-Uh, I don't know what to do.
-Wilt thou readst the teleprompter?

-Madam!
-Nurse?

Oh, now, be gone!
More light and light it grows.

I said, be gone, for this is the burden
I must bear alone.

Oh, happy dagger!

This is thy sheath,

there rust, and let me die.

[GROANS]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

LYDIA: There's our star.

-Ooh! Oh! [CHUCKLES]
-That was cool, Peppie.

Ow. Like, watch where thou art going.

Drama rules.

-You were magnificent! Genius!
-[GASPS]

So good, the school wants to do
a second production this year!

I may consider doing it,
providing the part

properly showcases
my wicked fresh acting abilities.

I wanna find love out in the sea.

But who could love
a little fish girl like me?

[SCREAMS] Hey!
Like, could that be any colder?

Stupid play.

[SNORES]

Okay, next week marks a bold step
in our study of capitalism.

Starting Monday,
each of you will get a chance

to experience American economy firsthand

with after-school jobs for a whole week!

-[GROANS]
-Okay, the assignments are,

Cissy and Trinket, Color Me Dressed!

-Tessa and Vanessa, Music Madness.
-[BOTH GASP] Oh!

Nicky and Dieter, The Novel Nook.

-[GASPS]
-Can you eat this nook?

Pepper Ann and Milo, Brew Farm!

Let me take you away from this place.

MS. SNEED: Did I say brew farm?
[LAUGHING] I meant Food Barn!

MALE VOICE: Welcome to Food Barn.

Unattended children will be tagged
and sold in bulk.

-[GASPS]
-[GASPS] We're ruined.

-[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
-[STUDENTS SCREAMING]

Uh... uh, Ms. Sneed,
it's... it's just that, well, Food Barn?

[CHUCKLES] I mean, we were thinking
more like a video store.

-Or comics.
-Or a tattoo parlor, or...

Stop. Look, the truth of the matter is,

well, uh, neither of you are quite strong
in economics.

It can be a cold world out there,
Pepper Ann. Take a scarf.

"Not strong in economics"?
[SCOFFS] I'll show her.

By the end of this week,
I'll be a financial genius.

They'll be begging me to do
whatever economic-type people do.

Is it fish stick day?

[TROLLEY SQUEAKING]

BOB: Mm-hmm. Oh, look at that.

It says here
that you're weak in economics?

I don't like to think of it
as a... a weakness,

-sir, but as an opportunity for growth.
-[VIDEO GAME BEEPS]

Uh-huh.
Imagine, you're working here at Food Barn,

when suddenly, your supervisor
is struck by a rogue satellite.

Think fast! What's your plan of action?

Well, I'd call a meeting of my peers.

And we'd do our best to run the store
in an efficient and organized manner.

-Hmm, Milo?
-Uh, flip the sign to closed?

Bingo! Smart boy!
No chance for screwups that way!

[LAUGHS] I like you, Milo. You are sharp!

One week to prove Ms. Sneed wrong.
One week, one A in economics!

One week can be a long time.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

If you've read the manual,
you shouldn't have any problems.

-Questions?
-Actually, I... I was wondering...

Good. Tuesdays and Thursdays,
wash my car. Cloth only, light wax.

I won't let you down!

BOY: Great mother of Hasselhoff,
look at all this strudel.

Hey, that's expired!

I saw what you did.

PEPPER ANN:
You got fired on your first day?

-Uh... no.
-PEPPER ANN: But the hat?

They're only for tier one employees.

Bob promoted me
to assistant supervisor of stock.

Because I think quick on my feet.

Hey, where's your promotion?

PEPPER ANN: It's coming. I know it is.

Well, go after it!
Tell Bob you're the one

who noticed the bad mayo.

Uh-uh. Bob's gonna notice
my hard work on his own.

Hey! Quit talking to the pickles
and get back to work!

[GROANS]

FEMALE SUPERVISOR: Pearson. Floors.

Lock up when you're done.

Major responsibility!

[MUNCHING]

-[YAWNS]
-[DOOR OPENING, CLOSING]

Pepper Ann, you should have been
at the Novel Nook last night.

Loco Yono was reading
from her new children's book.

"'It wasn't my fault,'
cried the little Asian bunny.

"John made up his own mind."

Why don't I talk to Ms. Sneed
about switching you and Dieter.

He's never at work anyway.

No! I can do this, Nicky.
You watch, I'll show everyone

that I'm the best employee
Food Barn has ever had.

[YAWNS]

Excuse me, Miss, but I don't believe
the price on this item...

By selling in bulk, we avoid
the high cost of individual cartons,

and we're able to pass those savings
directly on to you, the consumer.

I don't believe the price on this item
is marked.

How much?

Uh, price check's on aisle 218.
You can take the subway.

[TRAIN WHOOSHING]

-What, uh...
-[MALE EMPLOYEES MUNCH]

I call it "mustard in motion."

Oh, cool.

Too bad there's no skateboarding.

Great work with the skateboard incident.

Stop the madness, keep the customer.
[LAUGHS]

Uh, you, pickle girl, clean up this mess.

So, Milo,
you coming to the company picnic?

You can still quit, you know?

Never!

I have to admit, Pearson,

your machine-like detachment
impresses even me.

-Hey... Pearson.
-Customer service, aisle 48.

-Nice discount.
-No applications under 18.

Scram, Junior.
Come back when you grow chest hair.

[SCREAMS]

I didn't think it was possible.
She actually died of embarrassment.

Pearson. I found a spot on my car.

They're moving me
to the corporate offices.

They have free slushies.

Must last 'til 5:00.

Excuse me, Miss, but I demand to know
why this application was rejected.

Hey, is it true that you let this boy
consume free choca-nut spread?

Pearson, did you get to my car yet?

Enough!

What's wrong with you people?
You're never gonna eat that many olives.

No one needs a 35-pound bag
of cheeze-ums! No one!

I gave this place one week of my life.
And what did I get in return?

A pat on the back? A free slushy?
No! I got nothing.

But I stuck it out.
Things got tougher? I worked harder.

Not one person here can tell me
that I didn't do the best job possible.

No one's gonna tell me
that I'm not strong in econ!

-[CROWD CHEERS]
-You're fired.

[CROWD GASPS, CLAMORS]

[CLEARS THROAT]
The economic law of supply and demand

proves that people will always search
for the lowest price.

But at what cost?

And so,
the wheels of big business turn on.

But this cog refuses to go willingly
into the cold machine.

-Hey, where's your speech?
-Right here.

[CLEARS THROAT] Economics.

It's not what you know...
it's who you know. Thank you.

I'll never get this econ thing!

C negative.
My grade matches my blood type!

MS. SNEED: I'm so proud of you.

Not only did you learn
a valuable lesson on corporate America,

but you've mastered economics
along the way!

-But I got fired.
-Ssh.

Many a noble economist has lost her job,
but kept her pride.

Four twos, seven for a one,
carry the four...

Knitting again, Sneed? You're fired!

MS. SNEED: Pepper Ann,
you were holding out on me!

Had I known sooner that we were,
oh, kindred spirits, I...

Oh, but never you mind.

I'll show you everything I know!

Together we will show the world
that economics is a glorious quest.

Focusing on an exciting aspect known as...

-Pepper Ann?
-The gross national product. [SIGHS]