02x12 - Rupert and the Firebird

[bunniefuu]

(Birds chirping)

♪

(Whirring)

♪

(Bell ringing)

(Laughing)

(Eagle screaming)

Yahoo!

Whee!

(Whirring)

(Birds chirping)

♪

♪

MR. BEARYou must remember,

Rupertthe secret of

successful fishing is in

outsmarting the fish.

But that’s not as easy as it

might seem.

Why not?

Because the fish in Nutwood

Lake have been at school.

(Laughing)

(Giggling)

Why don’t you try, Mum?

Well, I’m not really one for

fishing.

Now, don’t be shy, dear.

Who knows, you might have--

beginner’s luck.

I think I’ve got a nibble.

You’ve hooked a monster!

Well done, Mum.

Whoa!

Keep the tip up, dear.

Don’t give 'em any slack.

Whoa!

He’s given up.

Reel him in.

Dear me.

I’ll never get that in a frying

pan.

Well, well.

If it isn’t the Bear family.

Professor!

What do you think of my new

research submarine?

I call it the Goldfish.

A very appropriate name,

Professor.

But why the fishy disguise?

I intend to observe the

underwater flora and fauna

without causing a ripple of

disturbance, so to speak.

If one wishes to mingle with the

fish, one must look like a fish.

There’s only one problem.

What’s that, Professor?

I can’t steer and record my

observations at the same time.

What you need is a crewman.

Someone like me!

What a capital idea, my boy!

This is fantastic!

Nutwood Lake is home to a

veritable finny phantasmagoria.

There’s a shorthead redhorse.

And bitterlings!

Stupendous!

It looks as though your

observations are being observed,

Professor.

A-ha.

It would appear that the shoe is

on the other foot-- or should I

say the flipper is on the other

fin?

The four-spined stickleback.

Did you know that the males of

this species build the nest and

care for the young?

Yes, fascinating.

Rupert?

I saw something.

Sticklebacks.

No, it was a bit larger than

that.

Look, down there!

Where?

What was it?

I don’t know but I think we

should have a closer look.

♪

It’s not here.

Perhaps it was a trick of the

light.

But I’m sure I saw something

come in here.

How fascinating.


Yes, but now what?

It could have gone down any one

of these tunnels.

What happened?

We must have blown a fuse.

I’ll have it fixed in two shakes

of a juvenile bovine’s tail.

A sea monster!

I beg your pardon?

I see a saw monster-- I mean

I saw a sea monster.

It made a face at me, like this!

(Chuckling)

Really, Rupert.

I don’t doubt you saw something,

but a sea monster doing comedic

pantomime?

There!

It’s charging at us!

Perhaps we should try and

reverse.

Torpedo!

Oh, no!

I say, did someone pull the

plug?

Oh my!

Well, it’s no wonder the fish

aren’t biting.

Too many submarines lurking

about.

You great, walloping,

muckleheaded Sassenach!

What in the name of blistered

bagpipes do you think you’re

doing down there?

I was engaged in scientific

research, madam.

Madam?

Och, dinnae start wi’ the kilt

jokes or you’ll really get my

dander up!

You can get your dander as

high as you like, you subaqueous

interloper!

The very idea, hauling us up

here like a load of mackerel!

There, I always toss back a

wee ones.

Happy?

Now, now, gentlemen.

Please.

You seem to have got off on the

wrong foot.

We’re Mr. and Mrs. Bear.

This is our son Rupert and our

good friend the Professor.

Charmed, lassie.

Oh!

And what brings you to Nutwood,

Mr.--

McRobbie.

Robbie McRobbie of the Clachan

McRobbies.

Nutwood, is it?

Well, spin my sporran, those

great tunnels go a wee bit

farther than I’d imagined.

The tunnels, of course!

You must be studying the tunnel

network.

Och aye, aye.

That’s what I'm doing, all

right.

You caught me.

I might have guessed, given

the sophisticated equipment.

Oh, dead right, Professor.

The finest, uh, research vessel

you’ll ever clap eyes on.

But why does a research

vessel carry torpedoes?

And why did you fire one at us?

A wee mistake.

I took you for a great, slimy

beastie about to swallow me

whole.

I say, how appropriate.

You see, young Rupert here

thought that you were a sea

monster.

He did?

Yeah, but we all know there’s

really no such thing as sea

monsters, don’t we, laddie?

What did it look like?

It was long and wiggly, sort

of, with big ears and scales,

and it winked at me.

(Laughing)

Laddie, you’re away with the


fairies.

But I saw something.

And it wasn’t a submarine.

Well, I must be off.

My tunnel-mapping expedition is

way behind schedule.

Toodle-oo.

MRS. BEARWell, after all

that excitement, you two must be

ready for a lovely picnic lunch.

But Mum, there’s so much

exploring to do, and research.

We’re having strawberry

tarts.

A word to the wise, Rupert.

Never turn down an opportunity

to research your mother’s

strawberry tarts.

Tell me, are these the ones with

custard or jam?

Delicious!

I couldn’t eat another one!

Unless there is another one?

I’m afraid your research was

very thorough, Professor.

BILLHello, everyone.

Bill!

MRS. BEARI see you’re

babysitting little Toby.

Yes, and I’m at the end of

my tether.

Little Toby is a big pain in the

neck.

Every time I stop to rest--

(Wailing)

Once more around the lake.

Perhaps a little boat ride

will settle him down.

Would you like that, Toby?

Boat, boat!

I hate to say it, Rupert, but

you’re a genius.

What are you looking for?

A sea serpent.

Oh.

A sea serpent?

(Laughing)

Come off it, Rupert.

You’re pulling my leg.

I promise you, Bill, I saw

it.

There’s something down there.

What would a sea monster be

doing in Nutwood Lake?

I don’t know.

What do sea monsters do

anywhere?

(Giggling)

Hey!

You little rascal!

Hey!

(Toby giggling)

What was that?

Yow!

Hang on!

Runaway boat!

(Gurgling happily)

(Yelling)

Can you see anything?

I’m not sure I want to.

VOICEAch, such a bonnie wee

bairn ye are.

Coochie, coochie, coo!

You little rascal.

And what’s the wee laddie's

name, then?

Um, Toby.

I’m Rupert and this is Bill.

Pleased to make your

acquaintance.

I’m Nessie.

Nessie!

You mean you’re the--

Aye, Rupert, the Loch Ness

monster.

I just couldn’t resist popping

up to get the wee bonnie bairn a

bit of a cuddle.

(Giggling)

Gosh.

You’re famous!

You dinnae have to tell me,

Billy.

It’s getting harder and harder

to catch a moment’s peace.

Och, the way some people act,

you’d think they'd never seen a

sea serpent before.

Well, actually, most people

haven’t.


Aye, but whenever I need some

privacy, I can slip away down

the tunnels and find a nice,

cozy wee pond like yours for a

bit of a holiday.

The tunnels!

Nessie, do you know a fellow

named Robbie McRobbie?

Aye, I know him,

unfortunately.

He’s been after me for years,

the wee stubborn man.

He has a submarine and

it’s-- there!

Run-- swim for it, Nessie!

Dinnae worry, laddies.

He’ll never catch me in that

silly contraption.

Nessie doesn’t know about

McRobbie’s torpedo net.

We’ve got to help her.

Rupert, he’s not stopping!

(Yelling)

(Coughing)

Nessie!

There, there, Toby.

It’s all right.

Och, I’m awful sorry, laddies.

It’s all my fault.

Nessie, get out of here!

No!

What kind of a rum trick is

this?

I’ve got you, you great,

slimy beastie!

You’re mine!

(Cackling)

Please, no, Mr. McRobbie.

Let her go!

Dream on, laddie.

Dream on.

(Honking)

TOBYNessie?

Nessie.

RUPERTProfessor!

I need to borrow the Goldfish!

Certainly but--

I’ll explain on the way.

There’s no time to lose!

It’s an emergency!

Good luck, Rupert.

Bye-bye!

He went off to the right!

No, straight on.

Sonar reveals a shortcut.

Rupert!

Bless your heart, laddie, be

careful!

Ease us down to the net

lines, Rupert, and we’ll use the

propeller to cut Nessie free.

Get off my tail, you dirty

do-gooder!

Superlative piloting, my boy!

(Yelling)

I’ll open you like a tin of

sardines!

(Yelling)

NESSIERupert!

Throw ballast!

Commence emergency surfacing

procedures!

(Alarm buzzing)

Oh, I say.

We nearly ended up in Davey

Jones’ locker that time, to coin

a nautical phrase.

Dry as a bone now, Professor.

Shipshape and battened down

up here.

Then let’s get after

McRobbie!

We can certainly try, Rupert,

but I’m afraid following him

through that maze of tunnels may

be impossible.

We’re liable to become

hopelessly lost.

That is, if we aren’t hopelessly

lost already.

But we can’t give up.

Nessie’s counting on us.

VOICEThen you’ll need our

help, won’t you?

Who’s there?

Who said that?

Me.

Care to make something of it?

No, no, not at all.

Can you really help us?


Look, everyone down below is

flipping and flopping about what

happened to Nessie.

We want to help you rescue her.

Stop all the flibbertygibbet

and folderol and follow me.

He seems very sure of

himself, if somewhat--

Crabby?

Quite.

We haven’t got all month, you

know?

Hup, hup, hup, hup!

It is most intriguing.

I wonder how our crotchety

little friend proposes to show

us the way.

RUPERTUnderwater traffic

signs!

♪

Yonder is Castle McRobbie.

That’s where you'll find Nessie.

"See the great, horrible,

bone-chilling monster of Loch

Ness!"

"A terrifying spectacle from

the briny deep.

Children half-price."

Very unscientific.

She must be in here.

I’ll go take a look.

Whistle if McRobbie turns up.

Right-o!

Don’t worry, Nessie.

We’re going to get you out of

here.

Oh, Rupert.

You’re a sight for sore eyes.

♪ Oh, you take the high road

and I’ll catch the monster ♪

♪ And I’ll make great heaps of

money afore ye ♪

(Giggling)

(Trying to whistle)

(Trying again)

Oh my, I knew there was

something wrong with this plan.

I can’t whistle!

I’m afraid I'm going to have to

improvise.

I say, McRobbie!

Hide!

If that’s where you keep the

monster?

What in the name of burning

bannachs are you doing here?

Um... funny you should ask.

I have nae got time for any

goody two-shoes pleading with me

to release the monster.

Now get out of my castle before

I have you flung over the

battlements.

I’ve spent years and the entire

McRobbie fortune hunting this

great devious beastie and now I

finally caught it fair and

square.

Come tomorrow, this building

will be filled to the rafters

with paying customers.

I’m going to make a fortune,

Professor, and no one had better

try and stop me.

Oh, but I assure you, I have

no intention of stopping you.

You dinnae, hey?

And I suppose that wasna’ you

that was chasing me through the

tunnels.

Surely you wouldn’t expect me

to allow such an opportunity to

slip through my grasp?

What are you on about?

The same things you are, my

boyfame and fortune!

I dinnae need any partner.

But all you have here is a

mere sideshow.

What you want is the prestige of

a credible scientific research

establishment.

We’ll call it the Scottish

Institute for Monster Studies.

Think of the possibilities.

You might have something

there, at that.

It would certainly sidetrack all

those do-gooders who trot around

moaning about monsters’ rights.


Oh, but a rare specimen such

as this must be studied for the

advancement of science.

(Laughing)

Put her there, partner.

I’ve misjudged you, Professor.

You’re a man after my own

heart-- greedy, conniving and

pushy.

Flattered, I’m sure.

While he keeps McRobbie

talking, I’ll fetch the police.

I’m sure the constables will

demand that McRobbie set you

free.

No doubt they will, Rupert,

and then there’ll be a big court

case, my picture all over the

papers.

I’ll no longer be a mysterious

legend.

I’ll be a fact.

I hadn’t thought of that.

You’ll never have a moment's

peace.

Aye.

I’ll have to leave my beloved

Loch Ness forever.

Well, I suppose we’re on our

own then.

Chin up, Nessie.

From here on, it’s downhill all

the way.

And then we take her on tour

to museums and aquariums.

An official tour.

Capital idea, my good fellow.

Oh, and zoos!

I could be visiting professor of

Monsterology!

I’d charge outrageous consulting

fees!

And of course, cut you in for

%.

Och, Professor, you’re

singing my song!

(Yawning)

I’m afraid all the excitement

has worn me to a frazzle.

I believe I’ll retire.

Let me show you to your room,

partner.

(Wheels squeaking)

This’ll do nicely.

Thank you.

Goodnight, partner.

Goodnight, Professor.

♪ Oh, you take the high road

and I’ll catch the monster ♪

♪ And we’ll be rich and famous

in the morning ♪

(Laughing)

You’d better hop on, laddie.

Gravity is about to take over.

I say, wait for me, you two!

Whoa!

Thanks, old girl.

RUPERT/PROFESSORWhoa!

(Yelling)

(Loud splash)

(Chattering)

Well, partner.

It’s showtime!

Indeed it is, partner.

And now, ladies and

gentlemen, lads and lassies.

Prepare to feast your eyes on

the grandest, greatest,

most spectacular spectacle ever

beheld!

Rise, you great, slimy,

terrible monster!

Rise from the black, briny

depths!

In the name of bristling

brambles, where’s my monster?

Hello.

(Audience complaining)

WOMANI want my money back!

MANIt’s not a wee

submarine!

No, wait!

There really is a monster!

Don’t go!

Dinnae take your money back.

Please!

I’m ruined, ruined!

I think you should give up

your hunt for Nessie,

Mr. McRobbie.


And what if I don’t?

Well, I think that even if

you did catch Nessie again, no

one would believe you.

They certainly wouldn’t part

with their hard-earned money to

be victims of another hoax.

Aye, aye.

My reputation’s in tatters.

It looks like you and Nessie won

fair and square.

Maybe legends are meant to

stay legends, Mr. McRobbie.

Besides, it’s not so bad.

As long as Nessie is in the

loch, you can still sell

souvenirs.

Oh, laddie, you’re a clever

one.

Are you sure there isn’t a wee

bit of McRobbie blood in you?

(Laughing)

♪