04x03 - The Legend of Cactus Jupiter/Birthday Boy Roy/Jukebox Jon

[bunniefuu]

- [Narrator] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. - We're. - We're.

- Ready - Ready

- To. - To.

- Party - Me too.

♪ We're ready to party

♪ We're ready

- [All] Yeah!

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

- [Wade] I'm scared

♪ Come on in

♪ Come to the place where fun never ends ♪

- Let's go! ♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

[shouting]

- Dancing. - Fiesta.

- Romancing. - Siesta.

- Samba. - La Bamba.

- [All] Ay Caramba.

- Disguises. - Disguises.

- Surprises. - Surprises.

- And pies of. - And pies of.

- [All] All sizes.

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

- You bet. ♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in

♪ It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

- [Garfield] Just think of me as

like a teenage mutant ninja p*ssy cat.

[bright music]

[upbeat music]

- I'm so hungry I could eat my saddle blanket.

This is as good a place as any to tie up

and chow down eh, Arbuckle?

- You're the expert, Cactus Jake.

[donkey braying]

- [Garfield] Never tattle on a stranger

with a fistful of wieners.

That's the code of the West.

- What have you done, Garfield?

- He's gone and ate everything

except these here dried pinto beans.

Let's get a cook fire going and I'll whip us up

a mess of my famous Mexicali chili for lunch.

[gulping]

- [Both] Not the Mexicali chili.

- [Garfield] Hot peppers with a side of heartburn.

Everybody, dismount.

[grunting]

[sighing]

- I admire your community spirit, Jonny,

but volunteering to take

the Neighborhood Applied Math and Science club

on a pack trip seems like a mighty big challenge.

- They've been to the observatory

and the atomic research lab,

I thought they'd enjoy a change of pace.

- [Garfield] So far, the only fun they've had today

is calculating how to send a certain oversize payload

into orbit.

- Cowboys are a thing of the past.

An anachronism.

- Kids today wanna be astronauts, Mr. Arbuckle.

- Astronauts.

Well, stuff my bedroll with rattlesnakes,

if that don't beat all.

You know, the local Indians named this here spot

Medicine Green Canyon 'cause sometimes when they built

a cook fire, they saw visions of the future in it.

- [Garfield] I'd rather see visions of lunch.

[eerie tones]

- [Omega Epsilon] This is the space colony Omega Epsilon

calling m*ssile control with an urgent request

for additional personnel.

- [Mission Control] Do you want us

to send more scientists, Omega Epsilon?

- [Omega Epsilon] Negative, mission control.

We're up to our ears in scientists

and most of them can't do any useful work around here.

We need specialists.

[engines whirring]

- I dephased the ion drive and cycled the main reactor

so we can go EVA for awhile.

- [Garfield] Reception committee.

- [Jon] They look mighty upset about something.

[chattering]

- We sure are glad to see you, Cactus Jupiter.

Our space cattle were stolen

off the range this morning by aliens.

- Well, then me and my sidekicks had better

get to scouting around for the trail

of them pesky outlaw extraterrestrials.

- [Garfield] I better grab a life-sustaining snack

from my spacesuit food supply.

Mm.

Nothing beats lasagna through a straw,

but for some reason mission control

always forgets the Parmesan cheese.

- The colonists said that aliens took the cattle,


but there's no eyewitness description

of exactly what happened in our computer data banks.

It just says they disappeared.

- [Garfield] I suppose it's my duty to test the quality

of the in-flight meals on this fancy borrowed rig.

Spaghetti with meatballs is always first class dining fare.

[glass shattering]

The quality of the service

leaves much to be desired, however.

[heroic music]

[chirping]

- The omnidirectional digitized locator system

is honed in on something.

- [Jon] Maneuver to full latitude complete.

- [Jupiter] Go for landing interface.

Magnetic field power down

[squishing]

- [Jon] I didn't like the sound of that touchdown.

- At least the herd is safe and sound.

- [Garfield] Uh-oh, we've landed in space goo.

That's quicksand with a rotten attitude.

[tense music]

- [Tin Man] Only a bunch of stupid colonists

with good intentions and no practical experience

would fly all the way out here only to land in the goo.

Get 'em, clones.

- Reach for the sky.

- And don't try anything funny.

- It's the Tin Man and his g*ng.

They've got the drop on us

with their particle beam blasters.

- [Tin Man] We've put our portable demoleculizer

to good use to steal this herd from the space colony.

[blaster zapping]

[blaster zapping]

[shouting]

- Yuck.

I'm stuck.

[ominous rock music]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

[beeping]

- [Garfield] Out here, the only law

is the law of fast gadget.

[upbeat music]

- Our space cat is keeping us covered.

While them outlaws is down,

we'll get a hold of that demoleculizer.

[blaster zapping]

[heroic music]

[blaster zapping]

[yawning]

- [Garfield] That's what I call projection TV.

- What happened?

- Well, I'd say the legend of Medicine Green Canyon

had done caught up with us.

- That's a radical theory, Cactus Jake.

- Obviously, the job of future planetary exploration

and colonization will bear an interesting similarity

to stories about the Old West.

- In plain words, that's the frontier spirit,

something that cowboys and astronauts have in common.

Here's your Mexicali chili.

- [Garfield] Excuse me.

Oh boy, that's hot.

Three, two, one.

I have ignition.

I have liftoff.

Has cleared the tower and I'm looking good.

- Garfield, come back, do you hear me?

- Your cat is about to pass

through the ionosphere, Mr. Arbuckle.

- That figures.

[chuckling]

Mexicali chili is the oldest rocket fuel there is.

- [Garfield] Standby for reentry.

And a second helping.

[upbeat music]

It's another hurts to move morning.

I'd say my eyelids weigh about pounds each.

- [Jon] Garfield, time to get up.

- [Garfield] No chance.

- Garfield, rise and shine.

- [Garfield] Check my neck, bozo, I have no vital signs.

- You spend way too much time in bed.

- [Garfield] That's only one man's opinion.

[upbeat music]

[cheerful music]

♪ La la la la la la, it's my birthday ♪

It's my birthday.

What?

A present?

For moi?

I am so surprised.

I completely forgot it was my birthday.

[upbeat music]

[engine whirring]

Gee, I wonder if anyone will remember.

Hi, guys.

- Hi, Roy.


[throat clearing]

- Does anyone know what day it is?

- Sure.

- It's Saturday.

- [Orson] King me.

- Do you know what special day this is?

- Groundhog's Day?

- [Sheldon] Labor Day?

- National Tapioca Pudding Day?

- Cinco de Mayo? - Halloween?

- Columbus Day? - Christmas?

- [Orson] Memorial Day?

- No!

It's my birthday.

- Oh.

- Right.

I want presents and I want a cake and I want 'em now.

- [All] Surprise.

- For me.

Oh, you remembered.

- We all chipped in, Roy.

- [Sheldon] We got you a present.

- A present?

For me?

A watch.

Hm.

Waterproof, karat, shockproof, I love it.

Thank you.

- Blow out the cake, Roy.

[heavy exhaling]

- Not bad, man.

Now blow out the duck.

- Boy, this was a great party.

- Happy birthday from all of us, Roy.

- Yeah, even from me.

- I am deeply honored that you,

my good and true friends, honored me like this.

I will never forget this.

- [Sheldon] Hey, Roy, your watch seems to be missing.

- All right, which one of you rats stole my watch?

- Roy, nobody stole your watch.

- Well, where is it then?

Maybe you took it, pig, hm?

- [Lanolin] Orson didn't steal your watch.

- How do you know?

Mayhaps because you know who did, hm?

- Roy, no one here stole your watch.

- Someone took it and I won't rest

until the thief is caught.

[slurping]

- I guess this isn't the best birthday Roy has had.

- No, but if he keeps this up, it'll be his last.

- Oh, I'll put the rest of the cake away.

That's funny, I was sure there was some cake left.

- Watch thief, watch out

because here comes watchful watchman Woy, or, Roy.

[jazz music]

- Hey, Wade-o, like you got a bead on what time it is, man?

- exacticly.

- [Bo] Muchas gracias, man.

- Aha, Wade knows exactly what time it is.

Maybe because he has a new watch.

- I was sure I left those tools on this crate.

How bizarre.

- Looking a little guilty, hm?

- I look guilty even when I haven't done anything.

- This calls for a little interrogation.

All right, duck, talk.

We've got you dead to rights.

- All right, I did it.

I cannot take this anymore, I confess.

- I left that book right around here.

I know I did.

- Orson, Roy is sweating a confession out of Wade.

- Oh no.

- Oh, lock me up, give me life.

Oh boy, give me life and a half.

- Don't interfere, Orson, Wade's confessing his crimes.

- What crimes?

- So far, the sinking of the Titanic,

the St. Valentine's Day m*ssacre,

the Spanish-American w*r,

and last season's NBC fall schedule.

But not a word about my watch.

- Roy, Wade didn't steal your watch.

- Well, I won't rest until I found out who did.

- And then I stepped on a crack and broke my mother's back,

and then I put ketchup on a steak, and then--

- Wade.

- I couldn't help it, Orson,

he has me under these hot lights.

Well, there were hot lights here, you know.

- Things are disappearing all over the farm.

- Come on, let's get to the bottom of this.

- [Sheldon] Cake done, Lanolin?

- Not quite.

It'll be ready at exactly :.

- Exactly :.

Maybe she's going to consult my watch

to know when that is, hm?


[mischievous music]

- What a haul.

This is terrific.

I'm cleaning up here.

Let's see, what else can I get my mitts on

before I scram outta here?

- I hope nobody steals this gift.

[slurping]

- I wonder what's in here.

Maybe it's a radio or a TV set.

- How about a chick?

- Nah, it's too heavy for a chick.

[whistling]

And for my next impression, the US Olympics track team.

- Hey, come back here, you thief.

- [Sheldon] Isn't the cake ready, Lanolin?

- Well, according to my watch, we have three more minutes.

- Watch, as in my watch?

Ha, and ah, again, timepiece taker,

I've caught you wool-handed with my watch.

- Roy, that's not your watch.

[cheering]

- I got my watch back.

- Roy, come back here with my watch.

[exciting music]

- Come on, Wade.

- We need speed bumps on this farm.

- We need a jail for a robber raccoon.

- Please, I didn't mean it.

- Yes, you did.

- Yes, I did.

But I'll never do it again.

- [Sheldon] Here's all the stuff he stole.

- Including Roy's watch.

- My watch.

My very own and truly birthday surprise gift watch.

[throat clearing] - Ahem.

- Oh.

Here's your watch, Lanolin.

[throat clearing]

- Ahem again, man.

- All right, I'm sorry I took your watch,

Lanolin, and I'm sorry I accused everyone

of stealing the lovely watch you all bought me

and I'm a crumb and I'd never speak to me again

if I were you.

- Hey, it's okay, man.

I mean like, why accuse strangers of being crooks

when you can accuse your friends?

- If I let you go, will you promise

not to steal anything else?

- I promise.

- Okay, off you go.

- A watch thief is the dirtiest crook in the world.

- Well after this, I could use a cooling dip in my waller.

[symbols crashing]

Where did my mud go?

[chuckling]

- Isn't this terrific?

- I take that back, a mud thief is a dirtier crook.

[upbeat music]

[pleasant music]

- So, I understand you're a cartoonist, Arbuckle.

- Yes, Mr. Mogul, sir, I'm a cartoonist.

That's what I am, sir.

- Well, I could use a cartoonist on my staff,

providing you're not, you know, a weirdo.

- Me, weird?

Oh, not me.

I'm so not weird you wouldn't believe it.

I'd love to work for you Mr. M--

[screaming]

- In the soup drink.

Look.

- [Jon Voiceover] Please don't let it be Garfield.

Please don't let it be Garfield.

- [Garfield] Some chicken gumbo.

I didn't see one solitary gumbo down there.

- Garfield.

- [Garfield] Wanna split a matzah ball?

- Mr. Mogul, I apologize for my cat.

He follows me everywhere and I--

- It's all right, I've owned cats myself, I know how it is.

I'll tell you what bothers me more,

you were biting your nails.

- I was?

Oh, I guess I was.

- [Mogul] Bad habit.

Shows weak character.

Won't have it in an employee of mine.

- I can quit.

Give me a chance.

- Very well, come and show me some

of your cartooning at my office tomorrow

with unbitten nails.

- [Garfield] Usually, I scuba dive in vegetable beef.

I only swim in chicken soup when I feel a cold coming on.

Careful, don't shake me, my pockets are full of noodles.

- I've got to give up nail biting

if I want to work for Mr. Mogul.


That job could mean a lot of money.

[chomping]

[gasping]

I've gotta stop doing this.

[barking]

- [Garfield] I agree.

No chance.

- How do you give up a bad habit overnight?

- Friends, do you have nasty and annoying habits

you'd like to get rid of overnight?

Would you like to give up nail biting,

overeating, sitting in mayonnaise, or other bad habits?

Well if so, the Schlock -O-Hypno-Snoozifier

is for you.

As you sleep, the Schlock -O-Hypno-Snoozifier

plants an idea in your beady little mind.

This man had an ordinary everyday bad habit.

- [Recorder] I will not use tuna fish as a hat.

I will not use tuna fish as a hat.

- I will not use tuna fish as a hat.

I will not use tuna fish as a hat.

- [Salesman] When he awakes, the thought will be

in his mind, but the habit will be gone.

- Hey, that's a great idea.

- [Salesman] That's the Schl--

[upbeat music]

- Gosh, I guess I need this more than I thought.

[pleasant music]

Place records on turntable.

They will play all night while you sleep.

What a great idea.

Hey, if this works on me, maybe it'll work

on a certain overeating pussycat.

- [Recorder] I will not bite my nails.

I will not bite my nails.

[upbeat music]

- Huh?

- [Garfield] Ladies and gentlemen,

introducing the sport which will be the hit

of the next Olympics, dog bowling.

[bottles crashing]

- [Recorder] I will not bite my nails.

I will not bite my nails.

- I will not bite my nails.

[records crashing]

- [Garfield] Now look what you've done.

Jon's listening to records in his sleep.

Well, why not?

That's how he does most of his work.

Come on.

We'll just put some other records on

and he'll never know you broke 'em all.

[quizzical grunting]

Learn Spanish at Home.

's Rock Classics.

Sound Effects.

He'll like these.

Once more, Odie, I have saved you.

[concerned grunting]

[recording speaking in spanish]

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[recording speaking in spanish]

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[rock music]

- [Garfield] Late with breakfast again.

Tomorrow morning, we eat out.

There you are, Arbuckle.

Okay, I want eggs over easy, eggs over hard,

and eggs over pancakes.

[speaking in spanish]

- [Garfield] Paco?

Who's Paco?

[speaking in spanish]

[mimicked machine whirring]

[grumbling]

- [Garfield] I agree.

Something's definitely wrong.

Jon's acting weirder than usual.

And I don't have any breakfast.

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do, do wa ♪

- [Secretary] Mr. Mogul, Jon Arbuckle

is sorta here to see you.

- Fine, fine, send him right in.

This is that young cartoonist I told you about.

A real level-headed boy, not a weirdo.

[speaking in spanish]

- [Garfield] Tell me when it's over.

- How did you know my name was Paco?

Why, no one's called me that

since my boyhood in Mexico City.

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[Paco speaking in spanish]

Roast lamb, my favorite meal.

Mamacita used to make it for me.

But enough of that, let's see your cartoons, Arbuckle.

[mimicked whooshing]

[whistling]

[mimicked g*nf*re]

Yes, it's all right, Arbuckle,

you don't have to do the sound effects.


I mean, your cartoons speak for themselves.

You know, I think I'll hire you.

- Yeah but, Mr. Mogul, sir, the way he's dressed...

- What's wrong with the way he's dressed?

He's like me, he likes comfort when he works.

Arbuckle, you're hired.

What have you got to say?

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do

- Hey, he even knows my favorite song.

Let's hit it, Arbuckle.

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do

- [Garfield] So now that Jon has this great new job,

he's gonna make more money, which means more food for us.

Well, me anyway.

Isn't that great?

- Yep.

- [Garfield] And the breadwinner is home.

- Mr. Mogul fired me.

- [Garfield] He fired you?

After you two got along so well

before your sleep programming wore off?

After you did choruses of

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do

He fired you, why?

- He decided I was a weirdo because I bite my nails.

[upbeat music]