04x01 - Moo Cow Mutt/Big Bad Buddy Bird/Angel Puss

[bunniefuu]

- [Narrator]

- [Narrator] Ladies

- [Narrator] Ladies and

- [Narrator] Ladies and
gentlemen,

- [Narrator] Ladies and
gentlemen, Garfield

- [Narrator] Ladies and
gentlemen, Garfield and

- We're.
- We're.

- Ready
- Ready

- To.
- To.

- Party
- Me too.

♪ We're ready to party ♪

♪ We're ready ♪

- [All] Yeah!

♪ I hope you bring
lots of spaghetti ♪

- [Wade] I'm scared

♪ Come on in ♪

♪ Come to the place
where fun never ends ♪

- Let's go!
♪ Come on in ♪

♪ It's time to party with
Garfield and Friends ♪

[shouting]

- Dancing.
- Fiesta.

- Romancing.
- Siesta.

- Samba.
- La Bamba.

- [All] Ay Caramba.

- Disguises.
- Disguises.

- Surprises.
- Surprises.

- And pies of.
- And pies of.

- [All] All sizes.

♪ Come on in, come to the
place where fun never ends ♪

- You bet.
♪ Come on in ♪

♪ It's time to party with
Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in ♪

♪ It's time to party with
Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends ♪

- [Garfield] Just think of me as

like a teenage mutant
ninja p*ssy cat.

[bright music]

[upbeat music]

- I'm so hungry I could
eat my saddle blanket.

This is as good a
place as any to tie up

and chow down eh, Arbuckle?

- You're the
expert, Cactus Jake.

[donkey braying]

- [Garfield] Never
tattle on a stranger

with a fistful of wieners.

That's the code of the West.

- What have you done, Garfield?

- He's gone and ate everything

except these here
dried pinto beans.

Let's get a cook fire
going and I'll whip us up

a mess of my famous
Mexicali chili for lunch.

[gulping]

- [Both] Not the Mexicali chili.

- [Garfield] Hot peppers
with a side of heartburn.

Everybody, dismount.

[grunting]

[sighing]

- I admire your
community spirit, Jonny,

but volunteering to take

the Neighborhood Applied
Math and Science club

on a pack trip seems like
a mighty big challenge.

- They've been to
the observatory

and the atomic research lab,

I thought they'd enjoy
a change of pace.

- [Garfield] So far, the
only fun they've had today

is calculating how to send
a certain oversize payload

into orbit.

- Cowboys are a
thing of the past.

An anachronism.

- Kids today wanna be
astronauts, Mr. Arbuckle.

- Astronauts.

Well, stuff my bedroll
with rattlesnakes,

if that don't beat all.

You know, the local Indians
named this here spot

Medicine Green Canyon 'cause
sometimes when they built

a cook fire, they saw
visions of the future in it.

- [Garfield] I'd rather
see visions of lunch.

[eerie tones]

- [Omega Epsilon] This is the
space colony Omega Epsilon

calling m*ssile control
with an urgent request

for additional personnel.

- [Mission Control]
Do you want us

to send more scientists,
Omega Epsilon?

- [Omega Epsilon]
Negative, mission control.

We're up to our
ears in scientists

and most of them can't do
any useful work around here.

We need specialists.

[engines whirring]

- I dephased the ion drive
and cycled the main reactor

so we can go EVA for awhile.

- [Garfield]
Reception committee.

- [Jon] They look mighty
upset about something.

[chattering]

- We sure are glad to
see you, Cactus Jupiter.

Our space cattle were stolen

off the range this
morning by aliens.

- Well, then me and my
sidekicks had better

get to scouting
around for the trail

of them pesky outlaw
extraterrestrials.

- [Garfield] I better grab
a life-sustaining snack

from my spacesuit food supply.

Mm.

Nothing beats lasagna
through a straw,

but for some reason
mission control

always forgets the
Parmesan cheese.

- The colonists said that
aliens took the cattle,

but there's no
eyewitness description

of exactly what happened
in our computer data banks.

It just says they disappeared.

- [Garfield] I suppose it's
my duty to test the quality

of the in-flight meals on
this fancy borrowed rig.

Spaghetti with meatballs is
always first class dining fare.

[glass shattering]

The quality of the service

leaves much to be
desired, however.

[heroic music]

[chirping]

- The omnidirectional
digitized locator system

is honed in on something.

- [Jon] Maneuver to
full latitude complete.

- [Jupiter] Go for
landing interface.

Magnetic field power down

[squishing]

- [Jon] I didn't like the
sound of that touchdown.

- At least the herd
is safe and sound.

- [Garfield] Uh-oh, we've
landed in space goo.

That's quicksand with
a rotten attitude.

[tense music]

- [Tin Man] Only a bunch
of stupid colonists

with good intentions and
no practical experience

would fly all the way out
here only to land in the goo.

Get 'em, clones.

- Reach for the sky.

- And don't try anything funny.

- It's the Tin Man and his g*ng.

They've got the drop on us

with their particle
beam blasters.

- [Tin Man] We've put our
portable demoleculizer

to good use to steal this
herd from the space colony.

[blaster zapping]

[blaster zapping]

[shouting]

- Yuck.

I'm stuck.

[ominous rock music]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

[beeping]

- [Garfield] Out
here, the only law

is the law of fast gadget.

[upbeat music]

- Our space cat is
keeping us covered.

While them outlaws is down,

we'll get a hold of
that demoleculizer.

[blaster zapping]

[heroic music]

[blaster zapping]

[yawning]

- [Garfield] That's what
I call projection TV.

- What happened?

- Well, I'd say the legend
of Medicine Green Canyon

had done caught up with us.

- That's a radical
theory, Cactus Jake.

- Obviously, the job of
future planetary exploration

and colonization will bear
an interesting similarity

to stories about the Old West.

- In plain words, that's
the frontier spirit,

something that cowboys and
astronauts have in common.

Here's your Mexicali chili.

- [Garfield] Excuse me.

Oh boy, that's hot.

Three, two, one.

I have ignition.

I have liftoff.

Has cleared the tower
and I'm looking good.

- Garfield, come
back, do you hear me?

- Your cat is about to pass

through the ionosphere,
Mr. Arbuckle.

- That figures.

[chuckling]

Mexicali chili is the
oldest rocket fuel there is.

- [Garfield]
Standby for reentry.

And a second helping.

[upbeat music]

It's another hurts
to move morning.

I'd say my eyelids weigh
about 38 pounds each.

- [Jon] Garfield,
time to get up.

- [Garfield] No chance.

- Garfield, rise and shine.

- [Garfield] Check my neck,
bozo, I have no vital signs.

- You spend way too
much time in bed.

- [Garfield] That's
only one man's opinion.

[upbeat music]

[cheerful music]

♪ La la la la la la,
it's my birthday ♪

It's my birthday.

What?

A present?

For moi?

I am so surprised.

I completely forgot
it was my birthday.

[upbeat music]

[engine whirring]

Gee, I wonder if
anyone will remember.

Hi, guys.

- Hi, Roy.

[throat clearing]

- Does anyone know
what day it is?

- Sure.

- It's Saturday.

- [Orson] King me.

- Do you know what
special day this is?

- Groundhog's Day?

- [Sheldon] Labor Day?

- National Tapioca Pudding Day?

- Cinco de Mayo?
- Halloween?

- Columbus Day?
- Christmas?

- [Orson] Memorial Day?

- No!

It's my birthday.

- Oh.

- Right.

I want presents and I want
a cake and I want 'em now.

- [All] Surprise.

- For me.

Oh, you remembered.

- We all chipped in, Roy.

- [Sheldon] We
got you a present.

- A present?

For me?

A watch.

Hm.

Waterproof, 14 karat,
shockproof, I love it.

Thank you.

- Blow out the cake, Roy.

[heavy exhaling]

- Not bad, man.

Now blow out the duck.

- Boy, this was a great party.

- Happy birthday
from all of us, Roy.

- Yeah, even from me.

- I am deeply honored that you,

my good and true friends,
honored me like this.

I will never forget this.

- [Sheldon] Hey, Roy, your
watch seems to be missing.

- All right, which one of
you rats stole my watch?

- Roy, nobody stole your watch.

- Well, where is it then?

Maybe you took it, pig, hm?

- [Lanolin] Orson
didn't steal your watch.

- How do you know?

Mayhaps because you
know who did, hm?

- Roy, no one here
stole your watch.

- Someone took it
and I won't rest

until the thief is caught.

[slurping]

- I guess this isn't the
best birthday Roy has had.

- No, but if he keeps this
up, it'll be his last.

- Oh, I'll put the
rest of the cake away.

That's funny, I was sure
there was some cake left.

- Watch thief, watch out

because here comes watchful
watchman Woy, or, Roy.

[jazz music]

- Hey, Wade-o, like you got a
bead on what time it is, man?

- 3:57 exacticly.

- [Bo] Muchas gracias, man.

- Aha, Wade knows
exactly what time it is.

Maybe because he
has a new watch.

- I was sure I left those
tools on this crate.

How bizarre.

- Looking a little guilty, hm?

- I look guilty even when
I haven't done anything.

- This calls for a
little interrogation.

All right, duck, talk.

We've got you dead to rights.

- All right, I did it.

I cannot take this
anymore, I confess.

- I left that book
right around here.

I know I did.

- Orson, Roy is sweating
a confession out of Wade.

- Oh no.

- Oh, lock me up, give me life.

Oh boy, give me life and a half.

- Don't interfere, Orson,
Wade's confessing his crimes.

- What crimes?

- So far, the sinking
of the Titanic,

the St. Valentine's
Day m*ssacre,

the Spanish-American w*r,

and last season's
NBC fall schedule.

But not a word about my watch.

- Roy, Wade didn't
steal your watch.

- Well, I won't rest
until I found out who did.

- And then I stepped on a crack
and broke my mother's back,

and then I put ketchup
on a steak, and then--

- Wade.

- I couldn't help it, Orson,

he has me under
these hot lights.

Well, there were hot
lights here, you know.

- Things are disappearing
all over the farm.

- Come on, let's get
to the bottom of this.

- [Sheldon] Cake done, Lanolin?

- Not quite.

It'll be ready at exactly 4:15.

- Exactly 4:15.

Maybe she's going
to consult my watch

to know when that is, hm?

[mischievous music]

- What a haul.

This is terrific.

I'm cleaning up here.

Let's see, what else
can I get my mitts on

before I scram outta here?

- I hope nobody
steals this gift.

[slurping]

- I wonder what's in here.

Maybe it's a radio or a TV set.

- How about a chick?

- Nah, it's too
heavy for a chick.

[whistling]

And for my next impression, the

- Hey, come back
here, you thief.

- [Sheldon] Isn't the
cake ready, Lanolin?

- Well, according to my watch,
we have three more minutes.

- Watch, as in my watch?

Ha, and ah, again,
timepiece taker,

I've caught you
wool-handed with my watch.

- Roy, that's not your watch.

[cheering]

- I got my watch back.

- Roy, come back
here with my watch.

[exciting music]

- Come on, Wade.

- We need speed
bumps on this farm.

- We need a jail for
a robber raccoon.

- Please, I didn't mean it.

- Yes, you did.

- Yes, I did.

But I'll never do it again.

- [Sheldon] Here's all
the stuff he stole.

- Including Roy's watch.

- My watch.

My very own and truly
birthday surprise gift watch.

[throat clearing]
- Ahem.

- Oh.

Here's your watch, Lanolin.

[throat clearing]

- Ahem again, man.

- All right, I'm sorry
I took your watch,

Lanolin, and I'm sorry
I accused everyone

of stealing the lovely
watch you all bought me

and I'm a crumb and I'd
never speak to me again

if I were you.

- Hey, it's okay, man.

I mean like, why accuse
strangers of being crooks

when you can accuse
your friends?

- If I let you go,
will you promise

not to steal anything else?

- I promise.

- Okay, off you go.

- A watch thief is the
dirtiest crook in the world.

- Well after this, I could use
a cooling dip in my waller.

[symbols crashing]

Where did my mud go?

[chuckling]

- Isn't this terrific?

- I take that back, a mud
thief is a dirtier crook.

[upbeat music]

[pleasant music]

- So, I understand you're
a cartoonist, Arbuckle.

- Yes, Mr. Mogul,
sir, I'm a cartoonist.

That's what I am, sir.

- Well, I could use a
cartoonist on my staff,

providing you're not,
you know, a weirdo.

- Me, weird?

Oh, not me.

I'm so not weird you
wouldn't believe it.

I'd love to work for you Mr. M--

[screaming]

- In the soup drink.

Look.

- [Jon Voiceover] Please
don't let it be Garfield.

Please don't let it be Garfield.

- [Garfield] Some chicken gumbo.

I didn't see one solitary
gumbo down there.

- Garfield.

- [Garfield] Wanna
split a matzah ball?

- Mr. Mogul, I
apologize for my cat.

He follows me everywhere and I--

- It's all right, I've owned
cats myself, I know how it is.

I'll tell you what
bothers me more,

you were biting your nails.

- I was?

Oh, I guess I was.

- [Mogul] Bad habit.

Shows weak character.

Won't have it in an
employee of mine.

- I can quit.

Give me a chance.

- Very well, come
and show me some

of your cartooning
at my office tomorrow

with unbitten nails.

- [Garfield] Usually, I
scuba dive in vegetable beef.

I only swim in chicken soup
when I feel a cold coming on.

Careful, don't shake me, my
pockets are full of noodles.

- I've got to give
up nail biting

if I want to work for Mr. Mogul.

That job could mean
a lot of money.

[chomping]

[gasping]

I've gotta stop doing this.

[barking]

- [Garfield] I agree.

No chance.

- How do you give up
a bad habit overnight?

- Friends, do you have
nasty and annoying habits

you'd like to get
rid of overnight?

Would you like to
give up nail biting,

overeating, sitting in
mayonnaise, or other bad habits?

Well if so, the Schlock
-O-Hypno-Snoozifier

is for you.

As you sleep, the Schlock
-O-Hypno-Snoozifier

plants an idea in your
beady little mind.

This man had an ordinary
everyday bad habit.

- [Recorder] I will not
use tuna fish as a hat.

I will not use
tuna fish as a hat.

- I will not use
tuna fish as a hat.

I will not use
tuna fish as a hat.

- [Salesman] When he
awakes, the thought will be

in his mind, but the
habit will be gone.

- Hey, that's a great idea.

- [Salesman] That's the Schl--

[upbeat music]

- Gosh, I guess I need
this more than I thought.

[pleasant music]

Place records on turntable.

They will play all
night while you sleep.

What a great idea.

Hey, if this works on
me, maybe it'll work

on a certain
overeating pussycat.

- [Recorder] I will
not bite my nails.

I will not bite my nails.

[upbeat music]

- Huh?

- [Garfield] Ladies
and gentlemen,

introducing the sport
which will be the hit

of the next Olympics,
dog bowling.

[bottles crashing]

- [Recorder] I will
not bite my nails.

I will not bite my nails.

- I will not bite my nails.

[records crashing]

- [Garfield] Now look
what you've done.

Jon's listening to
records in his sleep.

Well, why not?

That's how he does
most of his work.

Come on.

We'll just put some
other records on

and he'll never know
you broke 'em all.

[quizzical grunting]

Learn Spanish at Home.


Sound Effects.

He'll like these.

Once more, Odie,
I have saved you.

[concerned grunting]

[recording speaking in spanish]

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[recording speaking in spanish]

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[rock music]

- [Garfield] Late
with breakfast again.

Tomorrow morning, we eat out.

There you are, Arbuckle.

Okay, I want eggs over
easy, eggs over hard,

and eggs over pancakes.

[speaking in spanish]

- [Garfield] Paco?

Who's Paco?

[speaking in spanish]

[mimicked machine whirring]

[grumbling]

- [Garfield] I agree.

Something's definitely wrong.

Jon's acting weirder than usual.

And I don't have any breakfast.

♪ Do wa, do wa,
do wa do, do wa ♪

- [Secretary] Mr.
Mogul, Jon Arbuckle

is sorta here to see you.

- Fine, fine, send him right in.

This is that young
cartoonist I told you about.

A real level-headed
boy, not a weirdo.

[speaking in spanish]

- [Garfield] Tell
me when it's over.

- How did you know
my name was Paco?

Why, no one's called me that

since my boyhood in Mexico City.

[Jon speaking in spanish]

[Paco speaking in spanish]

Roast lamb, my favorite meal.

Mamacita used to make it for me.

But enough of that, let's
see your cartoons, Arbuckle.

[mimicked whooshing]

[whistling]

[mimicked g*nf*re]

Yes, it's all right, Arbuckle,

you don't have to do
the sound effects.

I mean, your cartoons
speak for themselves.

You know, I think I'll hire you.

- Yeah but, Mr. Mogul, sir,
the way he's dressed...

- What's wrong with
the way he's dressed?

He's like me, he likes
comfort when he works.

Arbuckle, you're hired.

What have you got to say?

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do ♪

- Hey, he even knows
my favorite song.

Let's hit it, Arbuckle.

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do ♪

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do ♪

- [Garfield] So now that
Jon has this great new job,

he's gonna make more money,
which means more food for us.

Well, me anyway.

Isn't that great?

- Yep.

- [Garfield] And the
breadwinner is home.

- Mr. Mogul fired me.

- [Garfield] He fired you?

After you two got along so well

before your sleep
programming wore off?

After you did 27 choruses of

♪ Do wa, do wa, do wa do ♪

He fired you, why?

- He decided I was a weirdo
because I bite my nails.

[upbeat music]