07x07 - The Guy of Her Dreams/U.S. Acres: The Discount of Monte Cristo/The Fairy Dogmo...

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. ♪ We're, we're ♪

♪ Ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to ♪

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta ♪

♪ Romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba, ay caramba ♪

♪ Disguises, disguises ♪

♪ Surprises, surprises ♪

♪ And pies of, and pies of all sizes ♪

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

Penelope is singing today, folks, so don't leave

any expensive glassware near the TV.

Mmm, can you smell that garlic, Penelope?

You get used to it when you live in an Italian restaurant.

Well, it's Saturday night.

I'm here for our date.

What would you like to do tonight?

Oh, I was thinking we might go dancing or roller skating

or go play tennis or, or--

Or, Garfield, Garfield,

[burp] where'd you go?

[slurping]

We always wind up staying here all evening with you eating.

Why break with tradition?

I'm sick of spending every date like this.

I just sit and watch you eat pizza and lasagna.

It's time for a change.

You're right. [gulp]

We've gotten into a rut.

It is time for a change.

I'll try the cannelloni.

[slurps]

Other girls have boyfriends who take them places

and do things.

Why did I have to get stuck with a pasta inhaling machine?

[fast-paced music]

♪ I wish that I had a boyfriend ♪

♪ Who did something more than just eat ♪

♪ I need someone who's handsome and gallant ♪

♪ To sweep me right off of my feet ♪

♪ Like if I get trapped by a lion ♪

♪ He'll come in response to my screams ♪

♪ Because I am a great jungle explorer ♪

♪ And he is a guy of my dreams

Here is the famous professor of jungle sciences,

deep in the forest, wondering where she should camp

for the night.

[roars]

Here she is considering a good motel in St. Louis.

Oh, oh, Garfield, help.

Oh, Garfield, help.

Right in the middle of lunch.

[Tarzan yell]

[coughs]

So Garfield, what would you like to do to celebrate?

I don't know, let's go get somethin' to eat.

Oh.

♪ Maybe I could be a cowgirl

♪ Who lives in the old wild west ♪

♪ With a boyfriend who's truly courageous ♪

♪ And able to pass any test

♪ And if I get caught by the bad guys ♪

♪ He'll go to the bravest extremes ♪

♪ Because I am the queen of the cow girls ♪

♪ And he is a guy of my dreams

Oh Garfield, you just saved me.

Yep.

My heart is yours, just say the word, Garfield,

and I'll be yours forever.

Well, ma'am.

Yes, Garfield, yes, tell me what's on your mind.

What do you want?

Well, ma'am,

I'm not much for makin' speeches, but

I sure do know what I want.

What?

I want somethin' to eat.

♪ Or if he is a detective

♪ The kind in the mystery books ♪

♪ And I work in his private eye office ♪

♪ While he is away chasing crooks ♪

♪ And no matter what they are up to ♪

♪ He'll stop all their criminal schemes ♪

♪ Because I work for a private detective ♪

♪ And he is the guy of my dreams ♪

Mr. Garfield, the police chief called.

He said the Duchess' fingerprints were

all over the Clotman Diamond.

What are you talking about?

Big Louis said he'd rub you out if you stayed on the case,

but I told him not to mess with Garfield, Private Eye.

I'm not a private eye, I'm a cat.

Why am I dressed like this?

Garfield, just play along, this is my fantasy.

I don't wanna be in your fantasies,

and that bad guy in the western's still lookin' for me.

Being a private eye is dangerous.

I'll probably get beaten up by Big Louie

or whoever the villain of this one is.

Why can't you be a jungle hero or a cowboy

or a private detective for me?

'Cause I'm not any of those things.

Hey, fantasies are fine, but I like you

just the way you are, which, by the way, is not an explorer,

or a cowgirl, or anything but Penelope.

If you have to change me to like me,

maybe you should find another guy.

I'm gonna go get somethin' to eat.

No, Garfield, y-y-you don't have to be any

of those things for me.

I like you just the way you are.

I, I--

♪ I guess I'm wasting my time

♪ As I dream and I stare into space ♪

♪ Because my guy's idea of adventure ♪

♪ Is trying a new pizza place

♪ I guess I'll just have to accept him ♪

♪ Exactly the way that he seems ♪

♪ Because I am not a jungle professor ♪

♪ I am not Annie Oakley's successor ♪

♪ I don't work for any detective ♪

♪ I am being way too selective

♪ And he is the guy

♪ Of my dreams

[burp]

Garfield, I'm sorry Penelope, I'm sorry

I keep wanting you I keep wanting you

What did you say?

Oh, nothing, I just--

I said I'd been thinking and I guess you don't

have a very good time on these dates

watching me eat the whole time,

so from now on, we'll do something else and uh--

Oh, Garfield, that's all I wanted to hear,

just that you care about what I want.

It doesn't matter to me what we do,

just so long as we do it together.

Good, 'cause they just took a fresh batch of lasagna

out of the oven.

♪ I guess I'll just have to accept him ♪

♪ Exactly the way that he seems ♪

♪ 'Cause they made a fresh batch of lasagna ♪

♪ And he is the guy

♪ Of my dreams

[soothing music]

[thud] [yelp]

[soothing music]

[yawns]

I had the most wonderful dream last night.

[snores] [thud]

Hi, Ors, what's the story tonight?

Well, tonight I'm gonna take you into the epic tale

of the Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexander Dumas.

Oh boy, dueling and armies and swords, you bet.

Just use your imaginations.

The year is 1815.

The scene is the city of Marseilles in France.

Everyone imagine a lush city with big castles

and buildings and--

Stop that fantasy sequence, that's not right.

Aloysius.

I've been hired to keep you on budget.

The Count of Monte Cristo is a very expensive story.

It has big sets, and a huge cast.

No, no, no, we're imagining all of it.

This is all just pretend.

Yes, but somebody has to animate it.

This show employs a whole staff of artists to draw us all.

They do?

You mean people get paid for this?

Yes, in fact, some of them make almost $100 a week.

Whoa, 100 A hundred

Did you hear that?

Add in the cost of cells and pencils

and all those donuts and--

Oh, alright already, we'll try to keep things simple.

You'd better.

Maybe you better pick a cheaper story, Ors.

Something without soldiers with pointy swords.

No, we're doing the Count of Monte Cristo.

Now start imagining, both of you.

Edmond Dantes was but 19 years of age, and ardently in love.

Here we go.

[Orson] His conscious was clear.

He had violated no law.

Alas though, he had made himself two enemies.

The one named Danglars envied Edmond's

rapid promotion in business.

While Fernand was crazed with love

for Mercedes, Edmond's beloved.

[thump]

Those costumes look very expensive to me.

[Orson] Together they arranged for Edmond to be arrested

on a false charge.

Two more actors plus costume rentals.

Do they have any lines?

No.

Good, because if they speak, we have to pay them more.

Okay, you guys don't say anything.

We won't. We won't.

Now we have to pay them.

Throwing money around like that, that's not right.

Maybe if I read faster.

Danglars and Fernand used their influence

to hurry Edmond's trial and sentencing through court.

Building a set this size just for this one scene.

You're wasting money.

[Orson] He was thrown in irons and sentenced to life

in the gloomy Chateau d'if, built on the barren rock

off the coast of Marseilles.

Another big set, plus boat rental, insurance for filming,

ocean scenes, location permits.

Oh, there he was shown to the cell that would be his home,

without benefit of daylight for some 14 years.

While the two engineers of his plight made speed

to divide up the remnants of his life.

I shall take over all his businesses.

While I shall steal the heart of his beloved.

Might I trouble you for more escargot, tout suite.

Another set, plus dialect coaching,

and who catered the crepe suzettes?

And the escargot?

And how much were they?

Couldn't you just send out for a pizza?

Spending money for snails, that's not right.

[Orson] Edmond soon lost all track of time,

but one thing he had not lost was his undying determination

that this ordeal would not crush his spirit.

Where's the music?

I was gonna sing my big solo.

What happened to the orchestra?

I fired them. Oh.

Do you know how much an orchestra costs these days?

But that song is important.

Tubas, strings, woodwinds, hiring an orchestra why?

The oboe alone gets $6 an hour.

Alright, let's just pick it up on page 374,

where one of the maids tries to help him escape.

I fired the actress playing the maid.

She wanted over scale.

What?

Alright, how 'bout on page 418 where

the prison doctor comes in--

I know, I know, I know, you fired the actor

playing the doctor.

Look, just leave me alone.

I'll get through this.

Confined in the dark and slimy dungeon,

seeing only his jailer all those years.

ALOYSIUS: I fired the jailer.

Seeing no one all those years, he dreamed only of escape,

of seeing his beloved again, and of revenge against those

who had imprisoned him.

When no one was looking, he worked with a spoon,

stolen off his dinner tray, digging a tunnel out of his

nightmarish confines.

Alas, he reached no farther than the cell next to his own.

Wait a minute, this looks like my cell.

[Aloysius] We're using the same background.

It saves money.

[Orson] Then came the day when a prisoner in the cell

next to his passed away.

At last, his tunnel that reached that cell

might prove handy.

This still looks like the other--

[Aloysius] It's still the same background.

[Orson] He cloaked himself in blankets,

hoping that he would be mistaken for the deceased prisoner.

Sure enough, that's what they did,

carrying him out as if a body.

Why are you guys playing the undertakers?

Aloysius said we had to double.

He didn't wanna pay any more actors.

Okay, why isn't there any colors in the backgrounds?

I fired the painters.

They were too expensive.

Once outside, he burst from the wrappings and fled.

Only to find that 100 of the king's finest soldiers

were hot on his trail.

It says right here, a hundred of the king's finest soldiers.

If you think we're paying for a hundred soldiers,

and horse renters, and trainers--

That's it, I've had enough.

You have ruined the entire story.

You mean you're stopping it?

Right now.

Good.

If I can get this costume back by five,

we save a half day's rental.

Is that the end?

Not much of a story if you ask me.

Oh, come on, the Count of Monte Cristo is a great story.

Ors, before you do another story,

we gotta get rid of Mr. Costcutter.

You have a sneaky trick?

What else am I good for on this show?

Now listen.

[whispers]

Spending all that money on a story like this,

that's not right.

Uh, Aloysius, excuse me.

I picked out another story we could do.

Is it cheap?

Oh, very.

There's only one role and you get to play it.

Good, I won't pay myself much.

Great, it was days after the shipwreck

that Robinson Crusoe found himself on the beach

of a desert island.

Desert island, perfect.

Very cheap set.

He was all alone, no one else inhabited this island.

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

No other actors, good choice.

Of course, you'll need someone to play

my faithful companion, Friday.

We cut him out.

Oh, and then later, a ship comes to rescue me.

Ship, ha!

Too expensive.

Well then, how are you going to get me off this island?

Guys, guys.

Hey, leavin' me stranded on a desert island,

that's not right.

We could afford one ship.

How 'bout a rowboat?

How 'bout two cub scouts on a raft?

What about a dolphin?

How 'bout a flipper, come on.

[Garfield] Once upon a time,

there was a puppy dog named Odie.

Odie didn't have a care in the world.

One day Odie noticed some other dogs walking by.

They were talking about the annual Hound Dog Harvest Ball

being held that very night.

Odie had never been to one of those.

He asked them if he could go along.

[barks]

[laughter]

Rough translation, scram.

[whines]

Yeah, sometimes it is a dog's life, even when you're a dog.

Lying there, Odie wished he could go to the ball.

He wished so hard, he almost broke his little wishbone.

And his wishes went, well, they went where all wishes go,

to the third cloud from the left,

where the National Wish Clearing House

has its central office.

Uh, sir, we received a wish from a uh,

someone who wants to fly to Mars.

Grant it.

And someone who wishes they could go back in time.

Fine, granted.

And of course, we have the usual pile from Cleveland

wishing for the Indians to win a few games.

Do these people think we can work miracles?

Oh, and um, we have one here from a uh, dog,

named, um, Odie.

A dog, eh?

Esmeralda.

Right here, Mr. Wishnitsky.

[crash]

Just a minor miscalculation.

[Garfield] Still, this woman had the power

to make Odie's wish come true, because you see, this is--

♪ A Garfield fairy tale

Hello, today's Garfield's fairy tale is entitled,

Odie and the Fairy Dogmother, a great fairy tale,

like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and of course,

the Congressional Deficit Reduction Plan.

So now, let's begin.

It seems this Esmeralda person was like the all-time

worst fairy godmother in the court.

I've assigned you to doggie wishes as your last chance,

Esmeralda, after the way you botched that last assignment.

I did a great job.

I turned a golden coach and four white horses into a pumpkin

and a bunch of mice.

You were supposed to turn the pumpkin and mice

into a golden coach and white horses.

Oh, well, no wonder they didn't get to the ball.

Go grant that puppy's wish or you're fired.

I'm on the job, chief.

[shattering]

I wish somebody would wish this tree wasn't here.

Ohhh ohh oh.

That evening, Odie was sitting home,

wishing he could go to the Hound Dog Harvest Ball.

[whining]

Ah, who wants to hang out with a bunch of mangy dogs anyway?

[crash]

I'll wish that window wasn't broken later.

[screech]

Who are you?

I'm your fairy godmother, here to grant your every wish.

Oh boy, at last.

I wish for $50 billion and all the pasta in the world

and eternal life and low cholesterol

and 50 billion more dollars--

Not for you, p*ssy cat.

I'm here to grant the puppy's fondest wish.

The puppy?

Quick, Odie, wish for something big.

Wish for a check with more zeroes than your family album.

[barks]

The Hound Dog Harvest Ball?

That's what you wish for?

Ruff.

And go to the ball you shall.

No, no, wait, he doesn't want that.

He wants tons of money.

[twinkling]

[panting]

And so, Odie flew over the city unnoticed by anyone below,

including a man on a mission,

our unfriendly neighborhood dog catcher.

This is one zebra niner.

I've been trailin' two dachshunds

and I think I got a lead

on a big dog party.

[Garfield] Soon, in a secluded valley

just outside of town,

the annual Hound Dog Harvest Ball was in full swing.

Dogs from miles around had snuck away from home to be there.

There was dancing and food and everywhere you looked, dogs.

The fairy dogmother's magic deposited Odie

into the midst of it.

And talk about bringing the party to a screeching halt.

[cross talk]

Hey, who invited you?

Yeah, this party is just for us in dogs.

You're just a dumb puppy.

[Garfield] Well, he was a dumb puppy,

but he could tell when he wasn't wanted.

[whines]

Now this might be the end of our story,

except for the fact that this is a fairy tale,

and fairy tales always have happy endings.

And sometimes things get even sadder before they get happy.

Oh, man, acres of dogs to haul in.

[barking]

The dog catcher was snatching up every dog in sight.

Fortunately, one dog was not in sight.

[barks]

Now after the way they treated him, you might think

he wouldn't care what happened to the other dogs.

That would mean you didn't know Odie.

He wished there was something he could do

to help those dogs.

[whines]

And of course, there was.

You wished, little doggy?

Yeah, yeah.

And you shall have your wish.

I love catching dogs and meow.

Takin' them to the pound and meow.

Hey, why am I meowin'?

Wow, look at that.

That's a cat. [barking]

I'm meow not a cat.

Hey stop, you can't meow do this.

Help, help.

It'll wear off in awhile.

In the meantime, I think he's learned his lesson.

So, that's pretty much our story.

The other dogs, figuring that Odie had something to do

with their rescue, apologized to him and invited him

to be guest of honor at next year's ball.

While the fairy dogmother got promoted to cover all small

four-footed animals.

But I didn't get anything.

And they call this a happy ending?

Pooey.

I wish this cartoon was over.

And you shall have your wish.

No, no no, that wasn't my wish.

I want money, food, and--

[upbeat music]