07x01 - The Legend of Johnny Ragweedseed/Grape Expectations, Part 1/Catch as Cats Can't

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends! ♪ We're, we're

♪ Ready, ready

♪ To, to

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in

♪ Come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta

♪ Romancing, siesta

♪ Samba, la bamba, ay caramba

♪ Disguises, disguises

♪ Surprises, surprises

♪ And pies of, and pies of

♪ All sizes

♪ Come on in come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in it's time to party ♪

♪ With Garfield and Friends

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] I was going to do something spontaneous here,

but I've been too busy to plan it.

[upbeat music]

[Nermal] Every so often, the family that has the honor

of my living with them always stop at this one house

and leave their most precious belonging, me.

[Jon's mom] Here he is, Jon.

[Jon] Fine, don't worry about a thing.

[Nermal] This then, is how the nightmare always begins.

Nermal's staying with us for a few days, Odie.

[barks]

[snores]

At first, I try to make the best of it.

Hi, Garfield.

Yikes!

Oh, I've been looking for that blanket.

Whoa!

Yep, it's me, Nermal,

the cutest kitty cat in the whole wide world.

Garfield, Garfield, you're not gonna mail me

to Abu Dhabi again, are you?

Oh, I wish he'd get a new idea.

[thuds]

That was what it was like every time I stayed with Garfield.

Sitting there on the front lawn that night,

I wondered how Garfield would like it if he were in my place

for a change.

And that's when I saw it up there in the sky,

it was a sh**ting star, the kind you're supposed to wish on.

So I made my wish, little realizing I was wishing my way

right into one of Nermal's Tales of Scary Stuff.

Hey, that's my idea.

Garfield's Tales of Scary Stuff.

I'll sue, I'll call my lawyer and I'll sue.

Lemme in, [knocks] Garfield.

This isn't funny, let me in.

[knocks] Finally, Mr. Arbuckle

got up and let me in.

Garfield was sound asleep.

But I couldn't sleep.

I just kept looking for that sh**ting star,

the one I'd made my wish on.

Finally, I told myself, you're being silly,

cute, but silly.

And so I went to sleep.

Morning finally came.

It was a typical sunny morning,

but one thing was different.

Hi, Nermal.

[yells] [thud]

Oh, it's you, Garfield.

Yes, it's me, Garfield,

the cutest kitty cat in the whole wide world.

This cat should come with an airsick bag attached.

Look at this new trick I've learned, Nermal.

Humans think this is adorable.

Then they rub my tummy and tell me how cute I am,

and I purr for them.

I can't take any more of this.

Nermal, where are you taking me?

You're not gonna mail me to Abu Dhabi again, are you?

Just think of all the frequent flyer mileage

you're rackin' up.

[Garfield] Nermal, this isn't funny.

Nermal, Nermal, let me out.

Huh, imagine waking me up before I got my full 15 hours

of sleep and--



I never sleep like that.

Garfield sleeps like that.

Am I starting to act a little bit like Garfield?

No, that's ridiculous.

Nermal, lunch is ready.

Lunch, I know that word and I love it.

Here we go, lunch for eight.

Maybe there'll be something left for me

after Nermal is finished.

[gulping]

Nermal, you ate everyone else's lunch too.

What do you have to say for yourself?

[burps]

Why is Jon treating me like Garfield?

It's not like I--

Oh no, I'm eating like Garfield.

I'm shaped like Garfield.

[Garfield] Nermal, this isn't cute.

Let me out, Nermal.

I'm even treating cute kittens like Garfield.

I only wished for Garfield to know what it was like

to be me.

I didn't realize that meant that I'd wind up being like him.

No, no, I don't wanna be like Garfield.

I wanna be cute and have friends

and not weigh more than a small truck.

I don't wanna spend the rest of my life suction-cupped

inside a car windshield.

My only hope was another wish upon a star.

But it would be hours before the stars were out again.

I'm not like Garfield.

I am not like Garfield.

I'm not like Garfield.

I am not like Garfield.

And if I am, big, fat, hairy deal.

That's his sarcasm.

I sat and waited for the stars to come out,

growing more and more like Garfield with every moment.

Gee, I wonder if I could get a pizza delivered

up here or something?

Finally, night time came.

For what seemed like hours, I searched the skies

for another sh**ting star.

Uh oh, looks like you know who has been mailing

cute kittens to Abu Dhabi again.

Don't worry, we'll get you out of there.

That cat, you know, Odie, there are times I wish that

just once he could know what it was like to be in my place.

Yeah.

But just when I was resigned to live my life as Garfield,

there it was, a sh**ting star.

Hey look, Odie, a sh**ting star.

I wished and I wished with all my might

that I would wake up and be cute, adorable me again,

and that was the last thing I remembered.

You know, they say that if you wish on a sh**ting star,

your wish comes true.

The next morning, I woke up on top of the mountain.

I felt like my own cute self.

And as I quickly found out,

I looked like my old cute self too.

Everything was back to normal.

The only thing that remained was to wake Garfield up

so he'd be Garfield again.

But when I got to Garfield's bed,

[snoring]

hi, Jon. [yells]

Okay, Nermal, I'm shipping you to Abu Dhabi.

I'm [sniffs]

I knew that aroma, the aroma of freshly cooked lasagna,

but as I sat there devouring it, a sudden thought hit me.

I was trapped in one of Jon Arbuckle's Tales of Scary Stuff.

Oh, you're stealing my scary stuff idea too.

Now I'm gonna sue you too, you and Nermal both.

And I'm gonna sue the guy who produces this show

for giving me such a lousy part in this episode.

And I'm gonna sue Odie, and also the buddy bears, and--

[long beep]

[static]

[whines]

No I will not throw the stick so you can fetch it.

[whines] Instead of that,

how 'bout a contest?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, this is the running into the wall contest.

First one to run into the wall wins.

On your mark, get set, go.

[bang]

You win.

So long.

Keep an eye on things until I get back, Aloysius.

Getting on a bus without saying a proper goodbye.

Who does he think he is?

That's five demerits.

[singing]

There's Wade and here am I, dirty trick in hand.

Giant-stein in a box.

Guaranteed to scare the feathers off any duck.

[laughs]

Yeah, get down in there.

I have a duck to scare.

In, in, in, oh, this'll be great.

Down, down, down.

Oh, Wade.

Who Wade-ed-ed?

Here Wade is a delightful Jack in the box toy,

which when cranked will pop up and offer you a tasty mint.

Uh, is this perhaps a trick, Roy?

Moi, a trick?

How often in the past have I proven untrustworthy?

I don't know, what show number is this?

Well I s'pose I can trust ya.

[choppy music] [laughs]

[boing]

Mm, a tasty mint as advertised.

I take back every nasty thing I ever said about you,

and the next 10 or 11 as well.

I can't understand it.

That monster should've popped out

and scared the feathers off him.

[choppy music]

[boing] [screams]

Say, Roy, do you have another tasty mint?

Why, Roy, that is indecent of you.

I'll say it is.

Walkin' around without your feathers like that,

that's disgusting, 20 demerits.

Who was that? Who was that?

Just a sec.

Let's see, summer wardrobe, winter coat, no,

these are my funeral feathers.

Ah, here, never hurts to have a couple extra sets around.

Who are you?

I demand to know who you are and by what authority you are

handing out demerits.

My name is Aloysius Pig, and I'm in charge.

Oh, well, if you're Aloysius Pig, and you're in charge.

Un moment-o, who may I ask put you in charge, Aloysius Pig?

Questioning my authority, that's 15 demerits.

Whoever that guy is, we gotta get rid of him.

Come on, we'll get him so annoyed, he'll quit.



But I'm afraid of any height greater than tippy-toe.

You wanna get rid of Mr. Demerit, don't ya?

Well, I'll get him in position and you dump that 80 pounds

of creamed corn on him.





[chuckles] Scientific fact.

You there, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing, pork belly?

Making fun of my waistline, that's not right, 10 demerits.

Wade, now.

I cannot look downward.

I'm just trying to keep a little order around here.

No, you can't leave yet.

[splat]

I knew that'd happen, I knew that would happen.

I knew that would that would happen

Dropping creamed corn

on the rooster, that's repulsive, 20 demerits.

Oh, 20 more demerits, that's--

I have 35 demerits, whoa.

Falling on your friend, that's not right,



[growls]

I have 55 demerits and I'm doomed.

Come on, Wade.



We're not taking this lying down.

Lie down, Wade.

What, may I ask, are you doing?

Giving you a mysterious disease that'll scare

our demerit-happy friend away, there.

Now lie there and moan in pain.

I won't be convincing.

Think about your 55 demerits.

Oh the pain, oh dread, oh whoa is yours truly.

Quick, we have to do something.

Let go of me, or I'll give you 20 demerits.

[moaning] Oh my gosh.

It's the worst case of duck pox I've ever seen in my life.

Run for the hills, run for the border,

run for the exercise.

Painting blue spots on the duck,

that's terrible, 25 more demerits for each of you.

Roy, what are we gonna do?

I have enough demerits to choke a horse.

You should excuse the expression.

That Aloysius Pig, ooh ooh ooh.

I know what we have to do, Wade.

It won't be pretty, but it has to be done.

Hello, I'd like to place a call to Aloysius Pig's mother.

Roy, you wouldn't, you you you--

That's right, I'm going to tell his mommy on him.

Mrs. Pig, it's Saturday morning.

Do you know where your children are?

Licking the glue off tin cans, that's repulsive,



[bleats]

Talking back to me, that's 20 demerits.

Loitering under a eucalyptus tree,

that's 10 more demerits each.

[singing]

Did you hear me?

I just gave you 10 demerits for loitering,

and 20 more for using up too much oxygen.

Are we afraid of this person, Wade?

Not I, and I'm afraid of prac-tic-ably everything.

Why aren't you two afraid of me and my demerits?

Giving demerits to all these nice people.

Mom.

That's not right.

But, Mom, I'm in charge here.

You clean your room first,

then maybe you can be in charge.

Bossing people around, I don't know where you get that.

Fine work, professor.

Our job isn't done, Wade-o.

Ah, what a great vacation.

I hope that guy I hired kept things in line

while I was away.

Arriving home on a Tuesday without calling first,

that's not right, 20 demerits.

Wait a minute.

Asking Roy to wait a minute, you should be ashamed,



Guys.

Putting funny travel stickers

on your luggage, 15 demerits.

But, I--

Failure to send picture postcards with funny sayings,



What's a demerit?

Not knowing what a demerit is, 50 demerits.

Getting 50 demerits, that's not right, 100 demerits.









Come on, Odie, we're late.

Jon's meeting his date at the restaurant at 8:00 sharp,

and I wanna be there before the date breaks up.

[screams]

Ah, that must be Jon's date,

the one with the linguini on her head.

Selma, I'm sorry I spilled that on you.

I never wanna see you again.

Where's she going?

Looks like the Marine Recruiting Office.

Sign me up, send me to a foreign country.

The farther away the better.

Anyplace, just so long there are no men there.

I can't take this anymore.

Get me out of here [sobbing]

Becker, yeah, we got another Jon Arbuckle date out here.

The president says you're doing wonders

for the all volunteer army.

Mister Arbuckle, your check,

and I packed the lady's dinner to go, as usual.

You might as well eat this.

Salad?

Why can't you go out with women who like porterhouse steaks?

Maybe I should give it up.

I'll never find the right woman for me.

Garfield, do you see what I see?

I'll let the computer find a woman who's just like me.

Yeah, but what good is a woman

who can't get a date either?

Boy, this thing sure asks a lot of personal questions.

I could've filled that questionnaire out for him.

I know Jon better than he knows himself.

Favorite indoor activity.

Watching the linoleum curl.

Favorite outdoor activity.

Listening to a pool filter suck leaves.

Favorite book.

The yellow pages.

Favorite Marx brother.

Zeppo.

Okay, I've answered all the questions.

Oh fine, fine.

Now the computer will match you with a woman

with approximately the same likes and dislikes.

[clicking]

[boing] [clank]

[spitting]

This is the first time a computer ever spit up.

Ah, I guess there's just no woman out there for me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Arbuckle.

This has never happened before.

I don't know--

[ding] well, the computer

came through after all.

Jean Arbinkle, well, her name seems to be a good match.

I'll go home and see if I can get up the courage

to call her.

[doorbell chimes]

That must be Jon's perfect computer match date.

I'll get it.

Hello, I'm Jean Arbinkle.

Would you excuse me for one moment?

Guys, I don't want anything to go wrong with this one.

Could you please go out and leave us alone?

Here, go buy pasta, lots of pasta, the slow cooking kind.

Come on, pupster, we'll give 'em a half hour.

She oughta be in boot camp by then.

So you're my perfect match, or so the computer says.

[Both] Frankly, I really don't believe in

that computer dating stuff.

Isn't that interesting?

We both said the same thing at the same time.

I only went there because I have such strange interests.

I didn't think I'd ever meet a guy I liked.

Really?

What kind of strange interests?

Oh, you'll think I'm weird.

No, no I won't, really.

What kind of strange interests?

Well, my favorite indoor activity is

Uh huh.

Watching linoleum curl.

And my favorite outdoor activity is

listening as the pool filter sucks leaves.

The thing I'm really ashamed of is

well, you know how some people collect stamps or coins?

Uh huh.

Well, I collect--

The strings that are on tea bags

and then you form them into a big ball?

Why yes, how did you know?

- Jon. - Jane.

Jon, tell me,

tell me the name of your favorite Marx brother.

It's Zeppo.

Oh, Jon, it's like we were made for each other.

An hour and a half,

Jon's computer date is probably long gone by now.

[clinking]

[Jon] Jane, I can't believe how much we have in common.

She's still here?

I'm sorry I spilled that coffee on you, Jane.

Well, I'm sorry I spilled the cream and sugar on you.

Oh, that's okay, I don't usually take my pants black.

But then I'm sorry I spilled the cheese dip on your dress.

Jon's found a female him.

We have to break this up before they break each other up.

Put in one level scoop of dish washing detergent.

I'll put in the whole box.

We've been talking so long about how much

we have in common that we forgot to go get dinner.

Why, Garfield.

That's very nice of you.

Look, Jane, my cat brought us dinner.

Wear it in good health.

Here, let me serve you some of this, whoop.

Oh. [tinkle of broken glass]

Oh, don't worry, that'll rinse right out with some--

[crash]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Call the National Safety Counsel.

Tell 'em we found their poster couple.

That wasn't an antique I broke, was it?

Oh, no, I could get another one from my

great-great-great-grandmother if she were still around.

Oh no, I left the dishwasher running.

Oh, I do that all the time.

What's going on in here?

[splash] [yells]

Help, Jon, I can't swim.

I'll save you, Jane.

Looks like low tide in the living room.

[splashing]

I'm always doing clumsy stupid thing like that.

So am I.

Jon. Are you

thinking what I'm thinking?

This could be a very dangerous relationship.

One of me is bad enough.

Maybe we oughta just stay friends.

We could get together every so often

and spill dinner on each other.

Well, I guess Jon's learned his lesson

about computer dating.

Mr. Arbuckle, the computer has come up

with a second choice for you.

The individual with whom you are destined

to spend the rest of your life.

Well, at least he never spills any food on me.

[upbeat music]