01x04 - The Girl with Nothing Extra/Narfily Ever After

[bunniefuu]

G Brain, what do you want to do today?The

same thing we do every day, Pinky.

Endure Elmira, then try to take over the

world. The

situation's changed for Pinky and the

brain.

A girl ran in the door. She bought a

discount turtle, but ended up with

more. Now Pinky and the brain

share a new domain. Here's what the

network wants. Why bother to complain?

The Earth remains a goal. Some things

they can't control. They're Pinky,

Elmira and the brain. Brain. I deeply

resent this. Trolls.

Mousies.

Flip, flap, snippity, snap, snap,

clip-clop. Flip, flap,

snippity, snap, snap.

You're my own special Jansen dolly. What

an honor. Oh, look.

Jansens are roller-skating.

Oh, ohh this is fun, fun, silly willies.

I love playing Jansen.

A whining trio of pre-pubescent hog

collars whose videos are particularly

painful to re-enact. But Brain, the

fresh-faced young kids in Jansen are the

poets of a new generation. I mean,

flip-flop, mookety, mip-mop. Why,

it reverberates with symbolism. My whole

body reverberates with symbolism. Let's

play Nine Inch Nails. You be the nail.

Elmira, no!

I have work to do. Plans to perfect.

Wounds to nurse. Why don't you go out and

play with some friends?Friends?

What's that?Umm People who don't run

screaming when they see you approach?I

don't have any of those. I wonder

why. I have mercies.

Yes, we're her friends. Friendship is

more than just having someone to abuse.

Friendship is... The perfect blendship?

Well, yes. It's having someone who

ponders what you ponder, who's always

there when you have big plans to carry

out, who... Oh, I know. It's having

someone to bug you on the head all the

time. Pinky, stop interrupting me.

Oh, friendship is a beautiful thing.

Wait, that's it. Elmira, if you had

friends, you would spend many hours away

from this room at parties, sleepovers and

play dates, leaving me conveniently alone

to perfect my plans for global

domination. What do you think of that?

Dolly plays with footy.

Perhaps think was a poor choice of terms.

Pinky, I'll attempt to communicate with

you. OK, Drain, I'll pay very careful

attention. Wonderful. I shall lay out my

plan in all its intricate detail. Then

can I play with footy?Maybe I should talk

to you. There's at least a mathematical

possibility that a pencil has a higher

intellect than those two. The key to

having friends is popularity. We must

launch an all out campaign manipulating

public opinion among Elmira's peer group

in no time at all. She'll be the most

popular girl in her school. Any questions?

Uh-huhDo you like seafood?Well, uh,

poached orange roughy now and again.

Seafood! Bah! Seafood!

This may be a bit more difficult than I

thought.

Hi, kids. We are from Keen

Preteen Scene magazine. We're doing a

special article on cool kids. You're

really short. It's a short article. We're

looking for the coolest kid in the whole

school. HmmWhere could he

or she

be?

Oh, my word. No. She is so

cool. Just look at that. How how she does

that so coolly. Why, that's the epitome

of coolness personified. It is. Oh,

I mean, it is. Oh, yes. She has caught on

to the popular Dolly mud hat

craze. It's sweet in the country. Yes,

we shall do a full photo spread. OK, give

me some attitude. Hold it right there.

OK, wet your lips. Not. Oh, wack it,

baby. in just a little pinky.

Want a mud hat, cutie rootie patootie?

What are you, weird?I'm gonna go explode

some basketballs. Oh,

rootie rootie. You get a special mud

hat just for being such a cutie patootie.

Ew, yuck. What a trendsetter.

I, as a hip international journalist,

have never seen such a grasp of the

contemporary scene. And I, as a

globe-trotting paparazzo, have never

witnessed such glamour. Want a mud hat,

Mr. Tiny Man?No. NoThat

is way cool, Mr. Tiny Man. Pout for me,

baby. Bruise for me, baby.

Well, goodbye, kids. You must feel

very cool to have such a cool kid in your

cool school, come Pinky. This is about

all the coolness I can stand at the

moment. Um,

maybe we should be her friend.

You like seafood?

Perhaps we should attempt other methods,

Pinky. Oh, oh, say that again and toss

your head back playfully.

Children, let's begin the tryouts for the

talent show. Our first student is...

Oh, dear. Elmira.

I'm gonna dance and dance and spin around

and jump and look pretty and hug my fuzzy

wuzzy gerbils.

We will now subtly influence the audience

using the power of suggestion. Oh,

spooky. Jaws. Huggy

hug hug. I love jubilees,

jubilees, jubilees. She sure is a cool

dancer. I wish

I could dance like that.

You need to clean your ears.

Hey, Elmira is a cool

dancer. I wish I could dance like

her. I need to clean my ears, Norf.

Well, that certainly was. Interesting,

Elmira. Now give me the gerbils so I can

return them to the science lab, okay?Okay

Bye, fuzzy wozzies. That was really cool.

I guess. You want some peanuts?Thank you,

rooty-cutie-patootie. You're my

special-ational friend.

Maybe Elmira could be our friend and

hang around with us and stuff. Elmira's

gonna be our friend You like

seafood?Seafood!

I guess the art of opening one's mouth

and showing everybody all the chewed-up

food inside isn't as appreciated as it

should be. Wait, that's it, Pinky. We

must popularize Elmira's passion for

opening her mouth and revealing the

fruits of her mastication. Naughty,

whatty party talk. I'm going to wash your

mouth out with soap. That's what I live

for. Everything is in place. Now our

little broadcast will override the signal

on every TV set in the neighborhood.

Ready, Pinky?Coming up next on

MTTV. Hey, what gives?

We are the fresh-faced young kids from

Janssen, and we'd like to dedicate our

new video to the coolest kid ever,

Elmira. Seafood, open your

mouth and be crude. Show everyone what

you sh**t. Gross everybody

out. Oh, yeah. Do it. Make everybody spew

it. Don't hold back, just do it. Show

them what you're about. Oh,

wow! Elmira's on MTTV with

Jansen! Cool! Elmira's on the

TV! Maybe Elmira isn't so pukey

after all, huhDo it our friends show

it!

Did you see Elmira on TV?Yeah!

I want to be her friend! Yes!

My plan has worked. Elmira, we have

made you popular. Is that good?

Yes, Zorge! Now you have all the friendly

friends you could possibly be friends

with. And I will finally be left alone.

Number 320. Oh, ohh Jimmy.

You get to play change the baby

mousey-wousey with Jackie Wacky.

Wow. Anything you like to do is

cool, Elmira. I'm changing the

mousey-wousey. Hey, does the coolest girl

in school want to play mousey-wousey

paddleball?I'm ready to rumble, baby.

Anyone want to play with dollies?

I guess your plan thingy was a big

success, Brain. All the kids want to be

just like Elmira. The thought sickens.

Come, Pinky. We must find some solitude

and prepare for tomorrow. Why, brain?What

are we going to do tomorrow?The same

thing we'll be doing every day until it

works, Pinky. Try to make Elmira

unpopular. There, Pinky, Elmira

and the brain. Brain, brain, brain,

brain. You like

seafood?Yeah.

Pretty please. You said you'd tell me

a fairy tale, cranky big head mouthy.

Fairy tales. Pseudo psychological

allegories for the feeble minded. I love

fairy tales. My point exactly.

You promise, cranky big head mousey?

Yes, and give it a happy, happy ending,

brain. Happy ending?There are no

happy endings. Life is an uninterrupted

series of humiliating failures. I want

Cinderella. It's my favorite 'cause

there's lots of fuzzies in it. And a

pumpkin. I'll give you Cinderella.

The real Cinderella. There was a

really for real Cinderella?

Yes. But it's not the

sugar-coated namby-pamby version you read

in your storybooks. The real hero of

Cinderella was a mouse, a particularly

intelligent mouse named... Cranky

Mousykin. Well, all right,

Cranky Mousykin. And his best friend and

confidant was named Wee Willy Pinky.

Whatever. Anyway. And they all lived

together in Fairyland. Yay, I live in

Fairyland! Wee Willy

Pinky. Fairyland is in trouble.

Look, Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep.

Little Jack Horner just sits in a corner.

Mary Mary is quite contrary. I

am not. And do you know why?

Is it because you're telling this story

and you have a very pessimistic view of

life?No. In the words of the great Spike

Lee, it's the shoes. Everyone

wears glass slippers. No wonder Little Bo

Peep can't catch up with her sheep. No

wonder Jack Horner's afraid to stand up.

And no wonder Mary Mary is such a

sourpuss. Oh, sis you.

But I have the solution. Imagine if

shoes were made of leather.

Leather shoes?Nuff. You're dreaming.

No, wee, willy pinky. Think of it.

Leather is flexible, durable, and it

doesn't shatter when you do the minuet.

Of course, we wouldn't see as much of the

old woman who lives in the shoe. An

additional benefit. Leather shoes will

revolutionize everything from fashion to

football. The world will beat a painless

path to my door, allowing me to take

over Fairyland. Hey, when do you get

to the part about Cinderella?I was just

coming to that. Cranky Mouseykin was

never able to complete his brilliant

plans because of constant pestering by a

giddy, irksome girl named Cinder

Elmira. There you are, Cranky

Mouseykin. It's time to play dress up.

Oh, joy. Not the Dolly clothes again. Oh,

oh, oh, oh. Can I

wear the little milkmaid outfit?Silly

mousies. We're not going to dress you up.

We're going to dress me up. Oh, fudge.

Sort. Post to go to Prince Rudy's royal

birthday ball, and I don't know what to

wear. Yet another one of your frivolous

interruptions. I don't have time to act

as your wardrobe consultant. You can wear

rags for all I care. Oh, but cranky mouse

again. Cinder Elmira Khan at the King and

Queen of Fairyland and all the

influential members of the courts see are

dressed in rags. What do I care what the

influential members of the court... Wee

Willie Pinky. That's brilliant. Are you

pondering what I'm pondering?Um, no,

Cranky Mousykin. Not even in a story you

made-up. We shall go to the ball with

Cinder Blockhead and use the gala

occasion to introduce my new leather

shoes. But I can't take silly mousies to

the big royal ball. No, but you

can take your coach and footman. Where

will I get some of those?

Behold, Cinder Elmira, your

fairy mouse mother. Where?

You, Pinky. You can wave your wand and

give Cinder Elmira a lovely gown and

coach. I can?Yes.

I'm a fairy mouse

mother. We'll turn some crash into royal

fashion, tricking her is really a sport.

Wiggle your fingers and say silly words.

Tell her she's got to put on this

schmatta. She isn't very adroit. Tell her

this bedpan is really a crown. I'm

lovely and refined. Prince Rudy will be

certain. She's got pizzas. I'm glamorous

as the elephant man's behind. We'll make

this bumpkin ride in a pumpkin wearing a

rag for a scarf. Next to this dimwit, you

even look smart.

Oh, I look beautiful. And

look, Cinderellmira, we have special,

magical dancing shoes for you. For

me?Oh, Greg and Maz again.

I'm gonna squeeze you and hug you and...

Where are you?Take off

the shoe.

You can huff and puff all you want, but

you can't come into Prince Rudy's ball

without an invitation. Huh

Oh, Mrs. Sprat, you're looking spelt.

Wee! Wee!

Wee! Willy Pinky, stop the pumpkin. What

pumpkin?That pumpkin. You mean the

elegant couch?

I'm Mrs. Anne Tebby, the royal governess.

Who are you?I'm Cinder

Elmira, the loveliest princess in the

whole world. And I'm a magic

fairy. Poof poofUm,

we're her footmen. You're very

small. She has very small feet.

And the loveliest magical dancing shoes

in all fairyland. You're on the

list, Cinder Elmira, but I'm afraid your

servants must wait upstairs. Drat.

We have to get into that ball so I can

make sure the king sees those shoes.

Poof Poof

Hello, Prince Booty Padoodie, your royal

cutie booty. Oh, it's you. Hey, you want

to go push that Humpty Dumpty guy off his

wall?No, I want to dance.

Dancing is stupid. Look at those guys.

But I got special whistle dancing shoes.

We can really buff the move, baby.

Let go of me. There they are, Wee Willie

Pinky. Lower me down on this rope. Why

cranky mouse you can when I can just go

poof and magically transport you. Poof

poofLower me

down on the rope before I go bonk and

magically flatten you. Your wish is small

command. Hors d'oeuvre, Miss Muffet.

I'll have the curds in just a bit of

whey. I'm on a diet. I'm sitting this one

out. Get lost! This is

our tuffet! A

spider! Got him! That

itsy bitsy spidey sure looks like Cranky

Mousey can. We'll climb up to

that patio, Wee Willy Pinky. Hand me the

rope. Um, well, I'll trade you the rope

for these magic beans, Cranky Mousey can.

What?These are useless.

Now I have to figure out some other way

to get...

Oh, very good, Cranky Mousekin. You

figured it out very quickly.

Ow! Oh, do tell me of your exciting

adventure, Cranky Mousekin. Not now.

We have to hurry. There's oh, please. Was

there in a great big, what do you call it?

Giant.

Well, party crashers, that does it.

Everybody, it's time to go wee, wee, wee

all the way home. That

sounds unsanitary, Cranky Masacan. Oh,

no, Fairy Mouse Mother, my beautiful

costume has turned to rags. I must flee

in haste. Just like in the story.

Wait, we have to catch her and bring back

those shoes. I'll just go poofWhat good

will that do?Although now, but it is fun.

Poof Poof

Cinder Elmira, where are your shoes?Oh,

I had to leave them behind so Prince

Rudy could find me. Just like in the

story. But Cinder Elmira, this was all

just a ruse. Those shoes were my

prototypes. Prince Rudy's never gonna

come looking for you.

His Royal Highness, Prince

Rudy. Is this your shoe?My

dad, the king, wants me to find whoever

left this shoe at my ball. Oh, Prince

Rudy, you came to marry me and take me

away to your great big magical fairy

castle. Yeah,

right. I hate to intrude on this

romantic moment, but I must modestly

claim credit for the innovative footwear

with which the young lady was attired.

You made this shoe?Well,

yes, I. Lock him up. But why?

My dad, the king, says these leather

shoes will put our royal glass slipper

factory out of business. You're being

arrested for treason. Lock him up.

And so Cranky Mouseykin spent the rest of

his life behind bars, proving that there

can never be a happy ending in a world in

which true genius goes unappreciated.

Well, how's that for a fairy tale?

Fine. You two sleep happily in your

little fairy tale land, deluded by dreams

that can't possibly come true. I'm

leaving now to try to take

over the world. The pinky

Elmira and the brain, brain, brain,

brain, brain.