04x11 - One Clump or Two

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, I'm Howie, and
welcome to Bobby's World.
This is Bobby.

-And this is my
world, so tell them
what today's show is about.

-But-- But if I tell
them, they'll know,
and then if they know,
they won't have to watch.
-But if they watch,
they'll know,
and then they already watched.

-But if they look in
TV Guide, they'll know
and they'll still watch.

-What are we talking about?

-I don't know.

-Then let's watch.

[THEME MUSIC]

-Pee-ew.

No more of mom's chili
prune fries for you, Roger.
[CRASHING]

What's that?

Maybe-- Maybe it's a monster.

-[ROBOTIC VOICE]
Warning, warning,
alien presence detected.

Get out of the way, dweeb.

-Now look what you made me do.

-Where are you going with
all this stuff, Derek?
What's it for?

-Bobby, heads up.

Like, you are blocking the hall.

-[SINGING] I see
England, I see France,
I see Kelly's underpants!

-Ew!

You are such a little jerk.

-I'm sorry, Kelly.

TED: OK.

I got it.

HOWARD: All right, there.

TED: I got it.

Something's going.

-Hey!

What's going on here?

-We're moving and
you can't come.
-Mommy!

-Bobby, what is it?

What's wrong here now then yet?

-Mom, mom!

Derek says we're moving
and I can't come!
-Oh, why that little dickens.

Derek!

-Only kidding, mom.

-Now.

You know your momsy womsy would
never leave her Bobby wobby.
We're not moving, hun.

We're just having our yard sale.

-We're gonna sell the yard?

-Oh, count my twos.

28.

30.

Oh, gosh.

Well, Howard.

We made a pretty penny on
the old yard, don't cha know?
-We sure did, Martha.

It's all yours!

Take it away.

BOBBY: We can't sell the yard!

We might need it.

-Oh, aren't you the cutest?

We're not selling
the yard, Bobby.
Just a bunch of stuff
we don't want anymore.
-Stuff we don't want anymore?

-Do you understand what a
yard sale is now, Bobby?
-Yes, mom.

What a great idea.

I'll sell this, and
this, and-- What is this?
I don't know, but I think
I could get monies for it.
-Is this yours?

I found him in the hall.

-Ozzie!

-Bobby!

-OK, well, I guess
that means yes.
-I'm sure glad your mom
said I could stay over.
-What do you-- What do you mean?

-What do you mean
what do I mean?
You asked her, didn't you?

-I-- I thought you were
gonna ask your mom.
-I did, but you gotta
ask your mom too.
Sleepovers is a two mom thing.

-It is?

Ozzie's five.

He knows that kind of stuff.

Let's go ask her now!

-Yeah!

-Like, I can not believe you
still have your baby blocks.
Gitchie gitchie goo.

-Cut it out!

At least I didn't keep a
dumb old stuffed bunny.
-You leave Mr. Wiggles alone!

-Hey, Derek?

Where's Mom?

-Beat it, dweeb.

And take your dorty
friend with ya.
-Is he always like that?

-No.

Sometimes he's mean.

TED: Hey, Bobbo!

Over here, Bobbo.

-Uncle Ted!

That's my Uncle Ted.

-Hey, look what
your dad's selling.
Oh, pretty great camera, huh?

That's a good lens.
Look at that.
-Really neat.

-Cool.

-Yeah, cool.

-Yeah.

-You know, I feel like
Federico Fettucine.
Oh, now there's a ham.

See you boys later!

Oh, coming through.

Pardon.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, that's a stain.

-Look!

There's my dad.

Can we ask him if
you can sleep over?
-Sure.

Dads are good.

You can ask a Dad.

-Dad!

Dad!

-Bobby, I'm in the
middle of a sale here.
-OK.

And here you go.

And that's-- that's five.

OK now, Bobby, what
can I do for ya?
-Ozzie says sleepovers
is a two mom thing.
-Right.

-And I can't find Mom.

-Right.

-But Ozzie says
that dads is OK too.
-Right.

-So I'll ask you, OK, Dad?

OK?

-OK?

-Ask me what, Bobby?

-Ask you if Ozzie can--

MAN: Begging of the pardon!

Excuse me!

Please, tell me, how
much for the lamp?
-Oh, gotta go.

You know, I've
been told that lamp
once sat in the Oval Office.

-I'm tired, Bobby.

-Don't give up, Ozzie.

My mom's gotta be
here somewhere.
-I can't.

Go on without me.

-I won't leave you, Ozzie.

-I'll be all right.

-OK.

Don't worry, Ozzie.

I'll be back as
soon as I find Mom.
Gadzooks!

MARTHA: Oh, come on.

You gotta be out of your gourd.

You wanna buy my great aunt
Gertrude's hat box for $2.00?
BOBBY: Mom!

Mom!

-OK, OK.

$2.50.

-Sold.

Ow!

Mom!

I found you!

-1, 2, 3 little mud clumps.

-And then Ozzie said
sleepovers is a two mom thing,
and I couldn't find you, Mom.

So then Ozzie said--

-7, 8 little, 9
little mud clumps.
-Then I runned out of the
jungle, and there you were.
So is it OK?

-Well, uh, is what OK, Bobby?

-For Ozzie to
sleep over tonight.
-Well, I can't see why-- ouch!

What in the name of
cornflakes and bananas?
Who threw that?

-So can Ozzie sleep over?

Can he?

Can he?

-What do you think?

-That's grown up for no.

But Mom--

-No, Bobby.

Ozzie cannot sleep over.

-But he's already here.

-Well then you should have
asked first, don't cha know?
-Please, Mom?

Please?

Please?

Let him stay, please?

-Bobby, Ozzie's a gee-golly
clump making dirt thrower.
And I say he goes home!

-OK.

-Did ya ask her, Bobby?

Can I stay, huh?

Can I stay?

-No, Ozzie.

She says you're a gee golly
clump making dirt thrower,
and you have to go home.

-But I didn't throw
that dirt clump.
I swear it wasn't me,
cause I didn't do it.
Honest.

-OK.

-Where are you going?

-To tell Mom.

Why, she says truth is
stranger than friction.
I don't know what that means.

Mom!

-OK, like, there
you go, little guy.
Like, can you believe
that kid actually
paid a dollar for
Derek's old blocks?
-Really?

Dad only got $0.50
for Mr. Wiggles.
Kelly, have you seen--

-He sold Mr. Wiggles?

Dad!

-What a goof.

Going ballistic
over a stupid bunny.
-Here's the dollar Kelly
got for your blocks.
Derek, do you know where--

-She sold my blocks?

Kelly!

-Doesn't anybody
know where my mom is?
TED: Hey, why the
long face, Bobbo?
-I've got a problem, Uncle Ted.

-Aw, got your underpants
on backwards again?
-How'd you know?

But that's not the problem.

I've gotta tell Mom that Ozzie's
innocent, but I can't find her.
-Oh, is that all?

No problemo.

Martha!

Bobbo needs you!

-Take a picture.

It lasts longer.

Okie dokie, sit right down here.

Now, what's this important
thing you need to tell me, hon?
-Ozzie's innocent!

He didn't do it, Mom.

-For crying in the rain
there, Bobby, we all
saw him making a gee golly
dirt clump, didn't we?
-Yeah.

But he didn't throw it.

-Well, if he didn't
throw the clump,
then tell me how it landed
on my head, why don't ya?
-Well, maybe, uh-- uh-- maybe,
a-- maybe a volcano blew it up?
And, yeah.

Yeah, a volcano.

And it-- and it got real loud.

It spit out mud clumps
way up into the sky!
And then from nowhere
else, a stork flyed by,
and he had a baby.

And the baby
grabbed a mud clump.
And then the-- and then the
baby threw the mud clump,
and hitted you on the head.

-Bobby Generic, are you trying
to tell me that a baby carrying
stork dropped that clump on me?

Maybe.

-Oh, land of living and lovin'.

That is the most
ridiculous thing.
-Oh.

Well, then maybe a
rocket ship zoomed by.
And it caught the clump.

And-- and it flyed
into outer space,
right through an asteroid belt.

And then-- these bad
King Arthur guys came.
Yeah.

And a knight shooted
a hole in the rocket.
And then the clump fell out!

And it fell!

And it fell.

And it fell.

And it fell.

-All right.

Hold it right there, Mr. Mansie.

The fact that Ozzie threw
that clump was bad enough,
but having you come down here
and make up stories about it
is just too much,
don't cha know?
You boys are in deep snow.

I want Ozzie out of here,
and I want him out now!
-Did ya tell her
I'm innocent, Bobby?
Can I stay?

Huh?

Can I?

-No.

My mom says we're in deep
snow, and she wants you out.
And she wants you out now.

-I can't get out.

-You've got to.

-I can't.

-Got to!

-Can't!

-Got to!

-Can't!

-Got to!

How come you can't?

-Cause my folks thought I was
spending the night with you,
so they went out of town
on a romantic retreat.
-What's that?

-I don't know what it is.

All I know is they won't be back
from during it until tomorrow.
You gotta help me, Bobby.

-I will, Ozzie.

Just as soon as
I figure out how.
-OK, Ozzie, the only way my
mom will let you stay over
is if we prove you're
not a gee golly
clump making dirt thrower.

-OK.

How will we do that?

-I don't know.

-Man, am I glad
you guys are back.
You tell anybody about this,
and you're dead meat, dweeb.
-There's nothing as good as
knowing something embarrassing
about your brother,
cause you can
tell people when
he's mean to you.
MARTHA: I know, I know.

I looked there.

-Martha, they have
to be somewhere.
-Oh, but just where, Howard?

Where?

Oh, Bobby, Bobby,
have you seen my gee
golly precious Elvis tapes?

-Yeah, I saw 'em in Great
Aunt Gertrude's hat box.
-Oh, no!

I sold that hat box for
$2.50 gee golly cents!
-Wow.

Good deal, Mrs. Generic.

-It's Generic!

Bobby, didn't I
tell you that Ozzie
was supposed to go home now?

I've lost my Elvis
tapes, Howard.
I-- I just can't take
this stress anymore.
I'm done.

I'm through.

-What'll we do now?

-There is no business like
this very good show business.
-Uncle Ted!

We've gotta prove
Ozzie's innocent,
and we don't know how.

-Well, Bobbo, I think
the way you start
is by asking a lot of questions.

-OK.

Why is the sky blue?

Are we there yet?

What's for dessert?

-Whoa.

Not so fast, Bobbo.

It works better if
you ask about whatever
it is you're trying to prove.

-Oh.

-Did you see who
throwed the dirt clump?
-Nope.

I was busy buying this.

MARTHA: Excuse!

Me!

Excuse me!

This is very much
against who I am,
but I've got to have this back!

-It'll cost you $20.

-$20?

That's been there and back
again, highway robbery,
don't cha know?

You take plastic?

-Yeah, so then your
brother said if I give him
back his baby blocks,
he'll give me this.
BOBBY: But what about the clump?

-What clump?

-I saw something, but--

-Give me that!

He's mine!

Mine, mine, mine!

-Nobody saw nothing, Uncle Ted.

-Yeah, well, uh, that's the way
it goes sometimes, Bob-O. Well,
sit down.

Take a load off.

You're just in time
for the ba ba ba ba.
Uncle Ted Show!

Ba ba bo bo bo.

BOBBY: Hey, that's us!

OZZIE: Hey, that's us.

TED: Ha, now there's a ham.

h* h* h*.

Hello, girls.

h* hoo.

[BARK] Oh, excuse me, fellas.

BOBBY: That's you!

-[SINGING] One
little, two little,
three little mud clumps.

Four little, five little,
six little mud clumps.
-You sure are making an
awful big mud clump, Ozzie.
-I like mud clumps.

[SINGING] 10 little
mud clumps now.
BOBBY: You smushed it on a tree!

[CHEERING]

-I told you I didn't
throw it at your mom.
-You're right, Ozzie.

There must've been
a second clump.
Let's go tell mom!

Thanks, Uncle Ted!

-You're welcome, Bob-O.

-20 almighty dollars for
my own gee gosh tapes.
-Mom!

Mom, guess what!

-What is going on here?

What did I tell
you to do, Bobby?
-Yeah, but we saw Uncle Ted's
movie, and Ozzie didn't do it!
He's innocent!

-OK.

I've had it up to here.

You know, I've reached my limit.

We're gonna call your
gee golly mother now.
-You're a mean mommy!

-What?

-This standing up for what you
believe in so your friend can
sleep over is a risky business.

It's no fair!

Just 'cause I'm a
little kid doesn't
mean what I say isn't important!

I know stuff too, you know!

-Oh, yeah?

Oh, you do then?

Ah huh.

And what kinda
stuff is that, huh?
-Uh, I know-- I-- I
know the alphabet,
and I know that-- that my
underpants are on backwards!
And I know Ozzie didn't do it.

And I've got evidence!

OK, mom.

Now, Ozzie was here making
mud clumps, right, Ozzie?
-Right.

-And you and me were
exactly here, right mom?
-Well, yeah, I suppose.

So?

-Don't you see?

That proves it.

It couldn't have been Ozzie!

-Oh, for the love
of mustard, Bobby!
-See, mom?

You got hitted on this side, and
Ozzie was playing on that side.
-Well, put a feather in my
hat and call me macaroni.
Ouch!

What in blazes?

-Look, mom.

Over there!

-Well, I'll be a--

-It's Roger!

-You know, Bobby, sometimes
grown ups make mistakes too,
and I'm sorry I didn't give
you a chance to explain, Ozzie.
But from now on, Bobby, when
you talk, I'm gonna listen.
-Guess we know who's
in charge here now.
MARTHA: I heard that!

-Only kidding, mom!

-10, 20.

You know, it's amazing what junk
people will buy at a yard sale,
isn't it, Martha?

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, what are people thinking?

-Next time, we'll
stay at my house.
-OK, but you have to
ask your mom first.
-Bobby, that was a
great the way you
figured out who--
who threw the stone.
You know what?

That reminds me of a
story I once heard.
-We don't have time for a story.

-Well, how much time do we have?

-We have 30 seconds.

-That's OK.

It's a short story.

-No, no, no.

No, we have 22 seconds.

No, now 21, 20.

-OK, I'll t-- I'll talk fast.

-18, 18.

-See, what happened was that--

-15, 14, 13.

12 seconds!

-Let me talk!

-No, 9!

-OK, there was this
guy, Neil, and he
got hit in the eye really
fast, and-- and-- and there
was a woman-- there was a
woman, Esmerelda, most people
woman in all of Cleveland.

-Five!

-And-- And what
happened to her--
-Four!
- --is she got hit in the eye.
-Three, two!

-And everybody in
Cleveland said--
BOBBY: One!

HOWIE: What happened
to Esmeralda's eye?
And-- and-- and--

BOBBY: Sorry.

[MUSIC PLAYING]