03x04 - Swim by Me

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, everybody.

Welcome to "Bobby's World."

I'm Howie.

Bobby?

BOBBY: What?

-Get in here.

BOBBY: Why?

-Because, uh, the show started?

BOBBY: Why?

-Because the last show ended.

BOBBY: Why?

-I don't know why.

Just get in here.

-Am I in trouble?

-No.

You're late.

-Does that mean I don't
have time for a song
before the show starts?

-No, you don't have time to sing
a song before the show starts.
-Phew.

Good.

Cause I didn't have one yet.

Maybe I'll do one in
the middle of the show.
Yeah.

[THEME MUSIC]

BOBBY: In a guy's
life, there's one
special time he
always remembers.
A really special time.

Yeah.

For me, that time is today.

This is the first day
of my summer vacation.
-Hey!

-Sorry, squirt,
we're in a hurry.
-Now, you two stop here.

What's so important
that you have
to rush out of here
like a freight train?
-Duh.

It's only the first day of swim
season at the pool, that's all.
-And if we're not
there early, we'll
have to wait forever to get in!

-Hey!

I'll bet Bobby would enjoy going
to the pool, don't cha know?
-Oh, boy!

How'd she know that?

Aren't moms amazing?

-Mom!

-Be seen with my little
brother at a public pool?
Not!

-Why does he have to tag along?

-Like, every cool person in
school is gonna be there.
-Oh, come on now, you two.

He's your little brother.

And I can think of a better
way to start the summer
than the three of you
going to the pool together.
-I can't think of a worse way.

-Do we have to take him?

-Now listen here, you two.

Either you take Bobby
with you, or you don't go.
-OK.

Come on.

-There's no warmer feeling than
having your brother and sister
include you in their activities.

-Oh, you'll have so
much fun, don't ya know?
And Derek, you can help
Bobby make some new friends.
-Make some new friends?

-OK, dweeb.

Start making some new friends.

-Uh-- OK.

Well, I'll start with Jackie.

Yeah.

Um, Uncle Ted's head.

So we can have more fun,
and I won't get kissed.
And I want Roger's
tail, so he can
wag it to tell me
when he's happy.
And Dad's arms, so he can
reach into the cupboards.
-Woof, woof, woof!

Hey, you wanna play fetch?

-OK.

DEREK: Hey, pay attention!

There's some stuff you gotta
know before you go to the pool.
First thing, this is how you
roll your suit in your towel.
You try.

Everyone's gonna know
it's your first time.
Aw.

-OK.

Let's go!

-Bobby, get serious.

You are so uncool.

Nobody rides a
tricycle to the pool.
I'm sure.

-I knew that.

Wh-- why are we going this way?

-We're taking a shortcut.

Shh.

-OK.

But why are we whispering?

-Cause Boo Bradley lives here.

-And we don't
wanna run into him.
-OK.

But who is Boo Bradley?

-Only the scariest
person you've ever seen.
They say he once tried
to k*ll a mockingbird.
-Uh-oh.

-Look at the silly way
you've rolled your towel.
You'll never be a swimmer.

And you've got big feet.

-You're mocking me, aren't you?

[SINGING] Hush, little
baby, don't say a word.
Momma's gonna buy
you a mockingbird.
And if that
mockingbird don't sing,
I'm gonna rip off his feathers
and tear off his wings.
DEREK: Come on.

Let's go.

You're making us late.

-New guy, new guy.

Uh-oh, veteran.

New guy.

Veteran.

New guy.

Wow.

-Now listen up, dweebo.

Try to look like you
know what you're doing.
-OK.

I know what I'm doing.

-Look.

If I'm talking to
anybody, pretend
like you do not know me, OK?

-OK.

Well, who are you?

I don't know you.

She talkin' to me?

Whoa.

Sometimes my imagination
is a scary thing.
Wait, Kelly!

I'm coming with you!

-Bobby!

You're supposed to go
through one at a time.
-Well, I didn't
wanna get squished.
-Welcome to the boy's
locker room, Bobby.
[SHOUTING]

-There sure is a
lot to do in here.
-OK, listen carefully.

Grab a locker, push the key
out, change your clothes,
put your clothes
back in the locker,
put the key back
in, lock the locker,
pin the key to your shirt.

Don't lose it.

Got that?

-Yeah.

Well, everything up
to listen carefully.
-Hey, shrimp.

I always use this locker.

Beat it!

-Oops.

Am I in trouble?

-Step in there.

-Why do we have to get
wet before we get wet?
-So you don't get
athlete's foot, dork.
-Athlete's foot?

Well, that doesn't sound so bad.

Come on, let's go!

Come on!

Come on!

Wow!

-Bobby, to what do you attribute
your phenomenal performance
here today?

-Simple.

I got athlete's foot.

-You do?

Well then, uh, rinse it off.

-Going to the pool was fun.

-Come on, dweeb.

We're not even there yet.

-Wow.

This is great.

-Don't forget, stay
in the shallow end.
-OK.

What's the shallow end?

I hope this is the line
for the shallow end.
A ladder.

Wow!

I love to climb.

-Whoa!

But I really hate to jump.

-Hey, come on!

Jump!

-Come on!

-Uh-oh.

I don't know how to swim.

Derek!

It was so scary!

I was climbing, and
then I had to jump,
and then I floated
to the bottom,
and then, and then-- Derek!

You're my hero.

You-- you saved my life.

-Bobby!

You-- like, you almost drowned.

Like, while you
were down there, did
your life flash
before your eyes?
-Yeah.

But I'm only four, so
it didn't take long.
I used the rest of the
timeto think of a song,
and it goes something like this.

Look at my face.

I'm not smiling.

I'm frowning.

That's because a minute
ago I was almost drowning.
I really like living, and
I don't want to blow it,
but I climbed on a diving
board and jumped off,
and didn't even know it.

Hit it, Mark.

Now.

[SINGING] I was at the
bottom of the pool.
I don't recall how long.

I guess it must
have been a while,
cause I had time
to write this song.
-He was at the
bottom of the pool.
He doesn't know how long.

But it must have
been a while, cause
he had time to write this song.

-I'm just a little boy,
so I wanted my mother.
But just in time,
Derek saved me.
He's my brother.

-Yes, we know.

-I was at the
bottom of the pool.
I don't recall how long.

I guess it must
have been a while,
cause I had time
to write this song.
My brother is my hero,
and I truly do love him.
And I don't know
how to repay him.
If only I--

DEREK: Stop singing,
you little dweeb!
And get off of me!

-And then there was a
bird, and he talked to me.
And I got athlete's foot.

And then I tried to
find the shallow end.
And then I jumped.

And I almost drowned.

And I-- and I was singing.

And then Derek grabbed me.

And he saved me.

-Oh, Howard, this sounds awful.

What in corn sakes is
he trying to tell us?
-Uh, that he almost drowned.

-Oh, for the love
of-- I'm downed!
-Oh, honey, honey, it's OK.

We'll get him some-- let's
get him some swimming lessons.
-In the water?

-Of course in the water, Bobby.

Where else would you swim?

-I don't wanna go
back in the water.
-Oh, Bobby, there's
nothing to be scared of.
Learning how to
swim is just fun.
Ask-- ask Uncle Ted, right?

-Well, actually, uh-- truth--
I never learned how to swim.
-Joyce Gitlin.

-Here.

-Bobby Generic.

-Generic.

-What?

-Generic.

-Not to worry, my little.

I will call you mein Bobby.

-That's my name.

-And you, my-- my-- I will
call you my-- my big kanish.
-Whoa, wait.

Thank you, my lovely kielbasa.

-Mein class.

Mein class?

So, what time is it?

-Time for noogies!

-These came special
delivery, Bobbo.
-No, my little dumplings.

Time for rules!

No food, no running,
no pushing, no shoving,
no jumping, no skipping.

-This sounds like a lot of fun.

-And now for the most
important rule-- no horseplay.
-No horseplay?

-And now, Mr. Ed,
the talking horse,
in "Death of a Salesman."

-Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, what's the secret, Ben?

-No horseplay!

No horseplay!

INSTRUCTOR: Or
someone will get hurt.
And another way not to get
hurt is you swim with a buddy.
This is what we call
the buddy system.
I will show you.

Come, my big kanish.

You will be my
buddy, and I will be
the water beneath your wings.

-Yeah, kind of like a matzo
ball in the soup thing?
OK.

-Welcome to the
wonderful world of water.
It's just like air,
only you can't breathe.
Now come, mein kids.

I want you should
visit your new world.
-There are some worlds a kid
just doesn't wanna visit.
-Class, I want you should make
a little dunk wi your heads
in the water, and
make some bubbles.
It's not too much I should ask.

-Oh.

Uncle Ted.

How-- how come you
can make bubbles
without-- without putting
your face in the water?
-Tell you what,
Bobbo, let's just
keep that our little secret.

OK?

[WHISTLE]

-Come, my little darlings.

Splash.

Splash like the little
gefilte fish you are!
-When I go back
to the other pool,
I'm gonna have Derek
be my buddy, Uncle Ted.
He's my hero.

-Swim!

Swim like you was the
great white herring
swimming out to sea.

Go, my child.

Swim.

OK, Bobby, you can do it.

Swim!

Swim, my little guppy!

-That's a sting.

-Mazel tov, Bobby.

Give a kick, you graduated,
you-- you, you, you guppy!
-I'm a guppy.

[CHEERING]

-Bobby, my darling boy.

Bobby.

You-- You can go.

Bobby, you can go now.

Next, hero Teddy.

[INAUDIBLE]

Come on down.

-Present.

That's me.

-You are the handsomest
guppy I ever had.
-Oh, well, now, and
may I say, my dear,
you have incredibly
lovely pores.
-Uncle Ted!

Hurry up!

I wanna go home and
tell Derek I'm a guppy.
-Woops!

Don't yank on the
trunks too hard, Bobbo.
Come on, we'll
take the shortcut.
-Uncle Ted.

Why is everybody
scared of Boo Bradley?
-See, a lot of times, people are
scared of what they don't know,
Bobbo.

For instance, you
and swimming, and me,
uh, well, let's just
stick to you and swimming.
-U-- Uncle Ted, wh--
what does it say?
-Boo wuz here.

-Uh oh.

Can I have the cereal, please?

Thank you, Derek.

-You know, it's quite
wonderful how you two sibs
are getting along.

-Yeah.

-You have a terrific
time at the pool today.
Bobby, remember.

Derek is your swimming buddy.

Don't let him out of your sight.

-I'll remember, mom.

I won't leave him
even for a minute.
-Great.

-Yep.

I'm definitely a guppy.

See you, Roger.

Hope that mockingbird
isn't around here anymore.
Good.

He's gone.

And Derek.

D-Derek?

Derek!

Uh oh.

Here we go again.

-So, you think
you're a guppy, eh?
Well, Mark Spitz was a guppy.

I knew Mark Spitz, and I'll
tell you, you are no guppy.
-Ah!

Gadzooks!

I'm a-- I'm a-- I'm a Guppy,
and Derek was gonna be my buddy,
but the bird came and
Derek ditched me, and I-
-I'll be your buddy.

-Do you-- Do you know
how-- how to swim?
-Yeah, Boo knows swimming.

-You do?

-Ah huh.

-Uh, do you know how
to play baseball?
-Yeah, Boo knows baseball.

-Do you know how
to play basketball?
-Yeah, Boo knows basketball.

-Football?

-Yeah, Boo knows football?

-Soccer?

-Boo knows soccer.

-Tennis?

-Boo knows tennis?

-Badminton?

-Boo knows badminton?

-Diddly?

-Boo knows Diddly.

-Boo.

You're nice.

Why is everybody
so scared of you?
-Maybe because my name is
Boo, and 'cause I'm too big,
and my house looks
scary, and my grandmother
has a parrot who thinks
he's a mockingbird.
[SQUAWKING]

-Shut up, bird.

-Shut up, bird.

Shut up, bird.

-I understand why you think
about k*lling that bird.
He's really annoying.

-What took you so long?

Where have you been,
you little twerp?
-Derek.

You're not my hero anymore.

You ditched me.

-Well, now you found
me, so let's go.
Let's get this buddy
stuff over with.
-That's OK.

I don't need you to be my buddy.

I've got Boo.

-Boo who?

-Don't cry.

I didn't even have
to say knock knock.
-Boo Bradley?

He's your buddy?

Does he even know how to swim?

-Boo knows everything.

-You know, Boo.

I think this could
be the beginning
of a beautiful summer vacation.

-Isn't it amazing how much
you can learn if you just
take your time and put
your mind to it, huh Bobby?
-What do you mean, Howie?

-Well, like on today's show, you
learned how to-- how to swim,
you made a new friend,
you learned a short cut.
-Yeah, that is amazing.

Wow.

Then I must be amazing.

And-- And if I'm
amazing, then I'm great!
Yeah!

I'm amazing and great.

That's wonderful.

Yeah!

Then I'm amazing, and
great, and wonderful.
I'm amazing, great,
and wonderful,
and a-- and a-- and a genius!

Yeah!

I'm amazing, and great, and
wonderful, and a genius!
-Bobby.

Just go to bed.

-OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]